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Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, September 04, 1884, Image 1

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THE MLLHEIH JSIBMI,
rt*m.isTTF,R> F.VF.RY THURSDAY BY
R. A. BUMILLEB.
Office in the New Journal Building,
Penn St.,near 1 Inrtman's foundry.
SI.OO PER ANNUM, IN ADVANCE,
OR $1.25 IF NOT PAID IN ADVANCE.
Acceptable Correpoiite Solicitofl
Address letters to MTLLIIEIM JOURNAL.
B US INK $8 CA B DS.
AH ARTE it,
Auctioneer,
MIMJIIKIM, PA.
YYI. JOHN F. lIAUTER,
Practical Dentist,
tlie Methodist Church.
MAIN STREET, MILLIIKISI PA.
|-Y. GEO. S. FRANK,
Physician & Surgeon,
REBEKSBUUG, PA.
Office opposite the hotel. Professional calls
promptly answered at all hours.
yyt, D. H. MINGLE,
Physician & Surgeon
OOlieo on Mam Street.
MILLIIKI.M, PA
J. SPRINGER,
Fashionable Barber,
Shop 2 doors west Millheim Banking House,
MAIN STREET, MILLIIEIM, PA.
D. H. Hastings. W. F. Beefier
TJASTINGS & REEDER,
Attorney s-at-Law,
BELLEFONTE, PA.
Office on Allegheny Street, two doors east of
the office ocupicd by the late firui of Yocurn A
Hustings.
C. T. Alexander. C. M. Bower.
Attorneys-at-La\Y,
BELLEFONTE, PA.
Office 111 Garraan's new building.
GEO. L. LEE,
Physician & Surgeon,
MADISONBURG, PA.
Office opposite the Lutheran Church.
V. HEINLE,
Attorney-at-liiiv.
BELLEFONTE, PA.
Practices in all the courts of Centre county.
Special attention to Collections. Consultations
in German or English.
J.A.Beaver. J. W.Gephart
jgEAVER & GEPIIART,
Attorneys-at-Law,
BELLEFONTE, PA.
Office on Alleghany Street, North of High Street
-JGROCKERIIOFF HOUSE,
ALLEGHENY ST., BELLEFONTE, PA.
0. G. McMILLEN,
PROPRIETOR.
Good Sample Room on First Floor. Free
Buss to and from all trains. Special rates to
witnesses and jurors.
QUMMINS HOUSE,
BISHOP STREET, BELLEFONTE, PA.,
EMAIXUSL BFTOWN,
PROPRIETOR.
House newly refitted and refurnished. Ev
erything done to make guests coin fort at >h.
Rates moderate. Patronage respectfully sohu
ted.
JRVIN HOUSE,
(Most Central Hotel in the city.)
CORNER OF MAIN AND JAY STREETS,
LOCK IIAVEN, PA.
S.WOODS CALDWELL
PROPRIETOR.
Good Sam tile Rooms for Commercial Travel
ers on first lloor.
gT. ELMO HOTEL,
Nos. 317 & 319 ARCH ST.,
PHILADELPHIA.
RATES REDUCED TO $2.00 PER DAY.
The traveling public will still find at tlii-t
Hotel tlie same liberal provision for their com
fort. It is located in the immediate centres of
business and places of amusement and the dif
ferent Ball-Road depots, as well as all parts ol
the citv are easily accessible by Street Cars
constantly passing the doors. It offers special
inducements to those visiting the city lot bust-
D< Your SW respectfully solicited.. .
Jos. M. Feger. Proprietor.
-pEABODY HOTEL,
9thSt. South of Chestnut,
PHILADELPHIA.
One Square South of the New Post
Office, one half Square from Walnut
St Theatre and in the very business
centre of the city. On the American
and European plans. Good rooms
from 50cts to $3.00 per day. Remodel
ed and newly furnished.
W PAINE, M. D.,
46-ly Owner & Proprietor.
R. A. BUMILL3R, Editor.
VOL. 58.
The Substitute.
Reverend M. Pennell, pastor of the
First Society, Brookville, entered his
house, one aftemo >o in July, with un
expression tip >n his countcnanco so un
like the look of weariness generally
there visible, that Ins wife, noticing it,
inquired :
"What has occmred that affords you
such (vident gratification ?"
"You know I was wishing that 1
might have a temporary relief from my
cares, but was unwilling to take a va
cation because of my belief that 110
I church should, even for one Sunday, be
without preaching ?"
"Yes. And I know that you owe it
to your people, not less than to your
self, to rest from your labors ; so doing
you could accomplish much more.
Have you decided to go away for a sea
son ?"
"Head that," he replied, passing a
letter to his wife.
She unfolded the missive, whose con
sents were :
"C , New York.July 12,18—.
DEAR BROTHER PENNELL—YOU
) will be surprised at hearing from your
I former classmate in Andover, between
! whom and yourself there has never
| been any correspondence ; but a few
words will render all comprehension
ble. From my remembrance of your
views respecting the duties of a pastor,
a <1 from what I have heard of your
faithfulness, I apprehend that you
would not s icriflce what you, perhaps
unwisely, regard the welfare of your
people to your physical and, of course,
mental health and strength.
"A young man whom f considered
very gifted has been studying with me
for nearly two years, and would like to
preach a few Sundays, experimentally.
Provided you wish to be absent from
your charge for a month or six week 3,
my friend will gladly supply your pul
pit during that time for no oilier com
pensation than his board. If however,
you shall choose to make him a trifling
donation, it will be very acceptable, as
he has to profide for himself entirely.
"I shall be at sent from home until
the middle of September ; so, if you
think proper to accept my suggestion,
please write to Mr. Thomas Smith, Bos
ton,whither he is going to visit friends,
011 receipt of this. With kindest wish
es, Fraternally yours,
"WILLIAM BLAKE."
"You will avail yourself of the op- ,
portunity to recuperate your energies?"
asked Mrs. Fenneiljiaving finished the
letter.
"I shall. It seems too ranch like a
dispensation of Providence to be neg
lected."
"I am so glad !"
Mr. Pennel! went to his library and
wrote to Mr. Smith, mentioning the
letter from "Brother" Blake, and in
viting him to substitute for him during
the coming six weeks.
Three days later Mr. Smith came to
Brookville.
He was of the medium height,slight,
pale-faced ; had long auburn whiskers,
worn ala Anglais, curly hair of the
same hue ; blue eyes, that were sharp,
inquisitive, penetrating ; regular,pleas
ing features ; was evidently not far
from twenty-five.
The following Sunday he occupied a
seat in the pulpit with Mr. Pennell,but
rook 110 part in the exercises, except to
offer the closing prayer.
At the conclusion of the morning
service—the only one for the day—the
pastor introduced him to the more
prominent members with the remark—
it soon became stereotyped :
"Mr. Smith will preach for me while
lam having the vacation which it ap
pears to be my duty to take, and I
think you will have no reason to regret
the temporary change."
Every one expressed his pleasure at
knowing that Mr. Pennell had conclud
ed to rest ; no one doubted but that
Mr. Smith would satisfactorily meet all
requirements.
Indeed, the new comer had already
done much toward securing the favor
of those who were to constitute his
congregation.
"What a fervent prayer ?" "How
earnest he .seems !" "He is destined
to oecorao distinguished," and other
like observations, might have been
heard, sotto voce, from the elderly peo
ple.
The maidens whispered to one anoth
er, "Did you ever see such side whisk- I
ers ?" "What magnificient eyes lie
has !" "Isn't he fine looking !" and
so on.
The next Sabbath the subject of his
discourse was : "I was a stranger and
ye took me in." As a literary produc
tion it was masterly, and it was deliv
ed in a manner that held the audience
spellbound.
When he decended from the pulpit,
an old man, whose frame was bowed,
whose hair was silvered by age,extend
ed bis baud and said, tremulously :
"Brother Smith, in my more than
eighty years I have never heard so ex
cellent a sermon as yours."
"Thank you," returned Mr. Smith.
"Your kind words are encouraging"—
and a blush suffused his face.
From that time his praises were 011
MILLHEIM, PA. THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 4., 1884.
every lip. People who were noted Sab
bath-breakers went to hear him ; the
prayer-meeting had au attendance lar
erer than it had ever before known ;
the "sewing circle," usually discontin
ued through the hot months, wasie-or
ganized, and of it he was the moving
spirit.
The young men liked him; the young
wamen—mairied as well as single—
fairly adored him.
With reference to the gentler sex, he
octed circumspectly, being courteous
toward all, but manifesting no fayorit
ism for any of them. In a fortnight he
was as popular as a clergyman could
desiro to be.
"I should like to ask a great favor of
you," he said to Air. Campbell, presi
dent and cashier of the local bank, a
"pillar" of the church, as they sat in
conversation one evening.
"Do not hesitate to ask any favor
whicli it is in my power to grant," was
the reply.
"It is not exactly the thing for an
humble servant of the Lord to wear
this ring"—extending his shapely white
hand, whereon sparkled a large dia
mond. "It indicates a taste for dis
play that, not commendable with the
rich, is reprehensible where the wearer
is poor and fittine for the vocation that
is to be mine. Ido not wear it as a
matter of display, however,but because
it is an heirloom, from which I have
been unwilling to part in the seasons
of my direst need. The people cannot
know ray motive iu having it appear
upon my person, and will probably mis-
J JWU 111 V
willing to give it a place in your safe
at the bank ?"
"Most assuredly. Carry it there in
the morning, *nd I will deposit it
where it will be secure."
"Thank you. My mind Ms relieved
of a great responsibility."
The next morning he went to the
bank, and saw his ring placed where
Mr. Campbell convinced him it would
be "secure."
**** * * * *
After an absence of five weeks, Mr.
Pennell returned to his charge,and Mr.
Smith went from Brookville to u small
village in Maine, where he had engag
ed to preach for a short time, he said.
There was a wide and deep regret at
his departure, and now a few of the
church members—especially those who
had joined under his administration —
fieely expressed their wish that the
"lay preacher" might continue to sub
stitute for the regular pastor, whom
such remarks reaching, deeply grieved.
Finally matters settled into their
former channel and moved on peace
fully for the greater part, though, not
without an occasional disturbance such
a3 the parish had not known prior to
the advent of Mr. Smith.
Toward the close of September a
panic was created in the place by the
rumor that the bank had been burglar
ized to the amount of nearly sixty
thousand dollars—a rumor that proved
true.
The day that this announcement was
made Mr. Smith again came to Brook
ville to obtain the ring, which he had
thought it best should remain in the
safe while he was away.
Despite the gloom of those who had
suffered by the burglarly, they were
glad to see him, and, learning his loss,
were so sorry as to almost forget their
own.
"Though the intrinsic value of the
I ring was considerable, I valued it
chiefly because it had been in our family
so many years—handed down from one
to another generation," he said ; "but
my loss does not deserye mention with
that which some of you have experienc
ed. It does make me feel a personal
interest in the affair"—this to the di
rectors and depositors—"and I would
suggest that you at once telegraph to
New York for Mr. —, one of the most
expert detectives in America. I regret
my inability to remain and learn the
result of your investigation. If you
succeed in recovering the stolen prop
perty, I shall appreciate your kindness
if you will expn.B3 the ring at once to
me at Rochester, New York."
Mr. Campbell promised to do so.
Mr. Smith thanked him and was gone.
The detective named was summoned
PAPER FOR THE HOME CIRCLE.
Cleveland and Hendricks,
Democratic Caniiiatcs
FOII
PRESIDENT
AND
VICE PRESIDENT.
by telegraph, and within twelve hours
arrived in Brookville. To him the
president stated all the facts iu the
case, of which the officer made a mem
orandum. Then as in verification of
these statements :
"The door of the batik was locked
when you reached it V" he said, inter
rogatively.
"It was," returned Mr. Campbell.
"The safe was also locked.''
"Yes."
"The windows were fastened as us
ual ?
"They were."
the combination that
you use on your lock to the safe ?"
"No one but myself."
"Have you ever committed it to pa
per ?"
"I have, and the paper is now in a
sealed package, holdeu by my attorney,
and to be opened only iu case of au ill -
uess—that reuders me unconscious—or
my death.
"Do you know that the package has
never been tampered with ?"
"I suppose that it has not. We'll
learn shortly and lie wrote a note
which lie sent to his attorney.
"No suspicious person has been seen
in the village recently V"
"Not that I am aware of."
The officer began his examination of
the premises, frequently referring to
his memoranda. Meanwhile a sealed
package was handed to Mr. Campbell,
who opening it, said :
"The paper is here, unmolested."
"Are you sure that you never acci-
vno w
any one—that no one has been near
you when you opened the safe ?"
"The only person who has ever been
near me when I opeued the safe, with
the exception of the officials,is the gen
tleman who substituted for our pastor
this summer."
" How did he happen to be near
you ?"
"lie came here to leave a valuable
ring that was his for safe-keeping."
"You opened the safe in his presence,
and he unsuccessfully tried to open it
after you ?"
"Yes," in absolute astonishment.
"Describe his personal appearauce."
Mr. Campbell did so.
"That is all for tlie present,"remark
ed the officer.
Four days elapsed, during which the
detective seemed to give the "case" 110
consideration, devoting his time to
conversation with this, that and the
other one, on any subject except the
burglary. Then he went to Mr. Camp
bell.
"Your description" he said, "of the
gentleman who sutstituted for your
pastor, this summei, tallied so nicety
with the descriptioi of a burglar who
lias 'operated' in tie West, that I at
once made up my nind that the two
were identical."
Mr. Campbell gare a start.
"Leaving you, l3alled on Mr. Pen
nell, and learned tb name of the cler
gyman by whoso reommendation Mr.
Smith came here. To this minister 1
immediately wrote. The reply js"—
reading a letter :
"'C ,NEW YlßK, October 2,18
" ' DEAR SIR—II answer to yours,
just at hand, wout say : I know no
one by the name I Thomas Smith ;
never had a studec ; never wroto to
Brother Pennell. The evening before
I left home, last Jly, a young man, in
all respects like tnwne you describe,
called on mo and asked innumerable
questions concernig Brother Pennell
—so many and so trance that I won
dered at them. I intended to write
Brother P. about tis man, but neg
lected it so long tht I deemed it best
not to write at all. Wish now that I
had,as it would has prevented the im
position which lias>een practiced upon
au esteemed co-woker and his people.
Your respectfully,
" 'HLLIAM BLAKE.' "
Mr. Campbell wa too much aston
ished to speak.
"Probably this ran Smith—or what
ever his name may be—learning that
your bank did an irmense business, re
solved to burglariziit long ago," con
tinued the officer. 'Just how he chan
ced to adopt the clrical role I cannot
say ; but, Laving etermined upon it,
be could easily findhe name of some
one who was your jastor's classmate j
at the Theological eminary by con- 1
suiting the catalogis of the institution 1
for various years. Fortune favored him
in selecting Mr. Blake. He had never
corresponded with Mr. Pennell, but
was thoroughly yersed in his ways.
' This circumstance enabled Smith to
write to your pastor, with 110 fear of
detection by reason of the pen&anshfp.
The time of writing was also oppor
tune, as Mr. Blake was on the point of
leaving home, and Mr. Pennell could
not write to him concerning the
would-be-susbtitute.
"The ring—it may or may not have
been worth something—was the ruse
by which he gained a knowledge of the
combination. When you opened the
safe he learned the number that you
| used, and his unsuccessful attempt to
open it after you was a mere 'blind.'
Of course, to obtain an entrance to the
building was an easy matter for him.
I shall this very day go in pursuit of
him, and my advice is, say nothing of
what I have told you to any one except
the directors,more thau that I have ob
tained a clew to the perpetrator of the
deed, until you hear from me."
Eearly in December he received a tel
egram frota the detective at New
York, which contained the single word
"Come."
He went to that city, where he found
Thomas Smith alias various other
names, in custody, who made a full
confession, quite substantiating the of
ficer's suppositions—and restored all
that he had taken from the bank, save
a hundred dollars or so.
When Mr. Campbell returned to
Brookville with the stolen property,
CTT3Iy wuv *%mj iHoy WOPO
more astonish ed on learning the true
character of the "lay preacher."
"His first text should have been, 'I
was a stranger and took ye in, ; " face
tiously observed one of the. church
members whom Mr. Smith had espec
ially pleased.
Since that no one of his flock has ex
pressed any desire that another than
the Kev. Mr. Pennell administer to his
spiritual wants.
TURN THE RASCALS OUT.
What These Omnipresent Per
sons Have Done And Why
They Should Go.
An Epitome of Republican Rascals
—An Indictment Against Which
There can be no Defense —Why
Republicans Quit the Party
in Disgust.
From the Boston Tost.
Turn the rascals out. Why ? Because
they are responsible for
Assassination,
Star route frauds,
St. Domingo jobs,
Presidential thieving,
Carpet bag rascalities,
Back pay salary grabs,
Robeson navy swindles,
Indian Bureau swindles,
Black Friday rascalities,
Sanborn contract frauds,
Railroad laud grabbings,
Credit Mobilier infamies,
Pension bureau swindles,:
Freedman bank swindles,
Sales of Speaker's rulings,
Belknap post trades steals,
Boss Shepherd ring frauds,
Harrington safe buiglare is,
Election commission frauds,
Landulent William scandals,
Babcock grant whiskey frauds, and
Little Rock and Fort Smith jobbery.
Turn the rascals out and let no more
rascals iu. We want a President who
will "tell the truth," not one who will
violate his official trust and then lie a
bout it. We want a President who has
made a reputation for strict integrity,
untiring industry and honest and able
administration ot tlie laws, no one who
has made a reputation for corrupt acts,
false sayings, tricky acts and contempt
for every good reform in the conduct of
governmental affairs. We should pre
fer for President the man who has
alienated the corrupt element of his ,
own party rather than the one who has j
"magnetized" the corrupt elements of ,
both parties and all factions.
A health journal says: "Always have ,
fruit on the breakfast table this time of
year." It would be well for boarding
house keepers to understand in this
connection tiiat oatmeal mush is not a (
species of "fruit." i
Terms, SI.OO per Year, in Advance.
Men in Politics.
Mr. Henry M. Philips, who has beien
ill or some time, is rapidly convales
cing.
Mr. Blaine, acting under the advice
of his physician, will remain at Bar
Harbor for the present.
Major-General Ilartranft fayors a
national encampment of the militia
once every three years.
Secretary Folger is at home, sick in
mind and body, and his friends fear he
will never get back to Washington.
Rev. W. S. Wilson, an eloquent M.
E. minister of Central Pennsylvania,al
ways a Republican, proclaims himself
• for Cleveland.
1 St. John and Daniel have been up in
• Cuba, N. Y., having themselves noti
t fled of their nomination by the Prohi
. bitiou national convention.
J Arthur's friend Crowley has been
beaten for Congress in Western New
York. This will not increase the
• President's ardor in the campaign.
1 John H. Fow has withdrawn from
3 the contest against Speaker Faunce for
the Democratic nomination for the
> Legislature in the Seveateeth district,
! Philadelphia.
1 Chas. A.Dana was editor of the New
3 York Sun July 17th, when it said : "i*
1 tlie personal honesty of the candidate
> be made by the turning point,nearly all
the million Independents will be pretty
J sure to vote tor Mr. Cleveland.'
" Wayne MacVeagh has been visited
lately by ex-Senator Simon Cameron
and Senator Don Cameron, and by
Mrs. Garfield. And still Mr. Mac-
Veagh has not said forjwhom be will
! vote.
Simon Harrisburg resi
dence was entered by thieves several
I days ago and some silver wire stolen.
The affair was kept from public
knowledge at the time, and the thief
has been caught and all the stolen ware
recovered.
Governor Abbett, of New Jersey, has
I been requested by the committee ap
s pointed by the National Democratic
Convention at Chicago to present a res
> olution of respect to Samuel J. Tilden
, to make the presentation address. The
, prpmmtation will take
d-5 nesday.
A Few Yet Left.
1 'Heavens ! but I'm] melting !' he
. gasped, as he entered an ice cream par
lor.
'Yes, sir,' replied the girl at the soda
fountain, as she reached for a glass.
'Dear, me I but such a thirst I never
had before. Have you ginger ale ?'
'Yes, sir.'
'Ah, yes ; but they say it is heating.
Any root beer ?'
'Yes, sir.'
'Exactly ; but roots are not always
good for health. Depends upon the
kind of roots. You have soda water ?'
'Yes.'
'Doctors say it produces a gas in the
stomach. How's ice cream ?'
'Very nice, sir.'
'Yes, but lowering the temperature
of the stomach so suddenly is apt to
produce spasms. No lemonade, eh ?'
'I car make you some.'
'Never mind. My wifeMiecf suddenly
after driuking a quart of it. Young
lady I'
'Yes, sir.'
'You may hand me a glass of water.
It is probably the safest and best thing
for the system at this stage of the game.'
He got it, but he only took one sip.
It was blood-warm. The girl had seen
two or three like him before.— Detroit
Free Press.
A Philosophical Tramp.
A'gentlemau on East Fourth street
found a ragged tramp sitting on his
front steps eating his lunch.
'Here ! What are you doing there ?'
he shouted.
'Partaking of a slight lunch. Will
you join me ?' the tramp politely re
sponded.
'No. I don't want any of your vill
ainous feed.'
'That's so ; its pretty tough kind of
fodder. I just got it out of your kitch
en. Your wife must be doing her own
cooking now.'
'What's that, you infernal hound ?' <
exclaimed the angry man, starting to- 1
ward the tramp, still sitting quietly on
the step.
'Don't get excited, sir ; don't get ex
cited. Think a minute. Aren't you
mistaken in calling me a hound ?' ]
'No, I'm not, and I'll—' i
'But, my dear sir, you are mistaken. 1
I am no liound; I'm a setter.' i
The gentleman gazed at the tramp in i
admiration and muttering something a- 1
bout a newspaper paragrapher gone a. 1
stray, he left him to finish his lunch. 1
Five out of twenty-one presidents *
were of Scotch-Irish lineage—Jack- c
eon, Polk, Buchanan, Johnson and c
Arthur, two of Scotch—Grant and a
Hayes; one of Welch—Jefferson ; and g
one of Dutch—Van Buren;the remain- t
ing twelve being of English descent t
NO. 35-
NEWSPAPER LAWS
If subscriber* order the discontinuation otl I
newspapers. the punllshers may continue to
send tli,-in until all arrearages are paid.
If subscribers refuse or ncplect to take their
newspapers front the office to which they arc sent
ilteyare held responsible until they hare settled
lhe tails and ordered tbeni discontinued.
If subscribers move toother places withoutln
formiu*? the publisher, and the newspapers are
sent to the former place, they are resmmatble.
AOVEHWmNO liATES.
1 wk. 1 mo. ft inos. Amos. 1 year
1 square i 2 fx) *4 oo $5 00 MW $8 CO
;• 700 10 00 WOO 30 00 40 OO
t " 10 00 15 00 25 00 45 00 7500
One inch makes a square. Administrators
ami Kxecutors' Notices 12.50. Transient adver,
tlsements and locals 10 cents per itne for first
insertion and 5 cents per Une for eaeh addition
al Insertion.
Went to Hear Talmage.
The Rev. T.DeWitt Talmage deliver
ed a lecture in Little Rock several days
ago,to one of the largest audiences that
eyer assembled in the State. Old Tom
Blahorn, who lives over in the 'cut off
district,' and who was in the city dur
ing the visit of John L. Suilivan,enter
ed the opera house, expecting to see
'some mighty fine KnockinV Before
the lecturer arose, old Tom remarked
to some gentleman who stood near t
Til be dinged if I'd like for him to
hit me.'
'There is no danger tof hts striking
you,' replied the gentleman.
'No, you are mighty confed thar
aint. A thousand dollars is a heap o'
money,an' I'd like to take that amount
home with me, but fifteen hundred
wouldn't persuade ;me to stand up in
front of his mauls.'
The Rev. Mr. Kennedy arose and
gracefully introduced the lecturer. Old
Tom, after listening, a moment, shook
his head, and as Mr. Talmage with one
of his characteristic gestuies, squareu
himself, twisted himself, threw back
his head, shook;himself, squatted,stood
on his tiptoes, rocked back on his heels,
sawed the air, and then, straight from
one shoulder, {struck at the
old Tom 'nudged' the gentleman, and
said :
'By grip, that was a thousand pound-
Tush.'
•Wall, it just was. A steer couldn't
stand up erginjsuch a jolt.'
'llush, I tell you.'
'lf you want to bet anything,put up.'
The gentleman moved awaj, and Old
Tom, punching a preacher who had
come too late to get a seat, said
'Bet he could down Sullivan, dont
you ?'
*1 don't know,' whispered the preach
er, who knew nothing of Sullivan.
'l'd put up my little wad on him.
He's got the action, you see. Look at
that, will you ? It was a regular jig.'
'Hush,' said the minister.
'Wall, it jest was.'
The preacher moved away, and old
Tom, after listening awhile, and laugh
ing heartily at a joke which Mr. Tal
mage had clipped from a newspaper,
and run in without credit, turned to a
sedate-looking man, and said ;
' When's he going to takeoff his shirt ?
I want to see his muscle ?'
'Don't know.'
! 'When does the knockin' begin ?'
'When some Christian defender of
decency knocks you down ; and if you
don't shut up, I'll be the one to do it.'
'You belong to the combination, I
reckin. Wall, I won't argy with yon,
but if I had you out whar I could slash
arouu' nachul, I'd make you take back
them words calclated to raise steam in
the biler of any voter. Go on away ; I
don't care.'
'My friend,' said some one, who saw
that old Tom did not understand the
situation; 'this is not a prize fight. It
is a lecture by Mr. Talmage, the great
preacher.*
'Wall, podner, you must excuse me, I
fur I thought this was a sort of a prize
fight. I ain't got much edycation, but
I can git as much fun outen a sermon
as the next man.'
He became au attentive listener.
'Yes,' said Mr.Talmage; 'please deliyer
me from the long faced Christian. I
once knew a brother who had not
laughed for ten years. He approached
me one day, and in his impressively
sorrowful manner, borrowed twenty
five dollars, and he was so sorrowful
and delicate in manner, that he never
again spoke*of the money.'
Old Tom threw up his hat mid ex
claimed :
'Thar ! If that don't drive the nail
clar up, I'm a sheep.'
'Hush, or I'll put you out,' said a
policeman.
'No, you won't for I'll go out. I've
got enough to last me till corn-gctherin'
time. Come on,and let's take a drink.'
The policeman looked slyly at the
mayor, and seeing that the lecturer was
holding his attention, accompanied old
Tom to a neighboring saloon.—Arkan
sas Traveller.
Iti the last number of the Consular
reports Mr. Worthington, United
States Consul at Malata, gives an ac
count of the government of that little
! country, which he claims to be a mod
eljone. It would certainly prove a hap
py land to those who dislike taxes,debt,
interest.etc. There are absolutely no
taxes of any kiud levied upon the in
habitants. There are no insurance
rates to pay, because all the buildings |||>9
are fire proof. There is no fire depart
ment in Malta, and no need of ®ne. The
islands have 110 debt, and therefore no
interest to pay. On the other hand,
they are not only out of debt, but the
local government has a handsome sur
plus on hand of $1,250,000, which is in
vested in the English fund, returning
them a revenue yearly. Every revenue
department pays a surplus into the lo
cal treasury after paying all expenses,
and the snrplus thus acsumulated is
growing so rapidly that it is proposed
to divide it among the in habitants, a
there is actually no use for it.

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