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THE iEGIS &■ INTELLIGENCER
11.50 PER ANNUM. TO FARMERS, ! BLAcKSiIUThS & OTHIR I undersigned, successors to Jackson! -I &. Allen, offer to Farmers and others g BONE DUST I And other Fertilizers, at their Warehouse,! month of Deer ( reek, which they will, sell as low as the same ca" he hail in the] Stale. They also buy GRAIN at full rates! in Cash. A supply of COAL, ' Both Stove Coal and Coal for Blacksmiths,? will be kept on hand. Vo Blacksmiths and others they offer 8 IliON, STEEL. NAILS,! Agricultural Implements, &c. f At life same place lately occupied by Jack-5 son & Allen. WARFIELD & ALLEN, mb 10 Darlington, Md. E ' FRESH AND SEASONABLE GiMiiiiiJ DRV GOODS. &C. THE undersigned having removed hi*J Store from Perrymansville to Aber-a deen, takes tliis method of informing hisi friends and the public that he is prepared! to furnish Goods of every description, asS low as they can be had in the country. —I His stock is l.irge and selected with great! care, and comprises DRY GOODS. GHOGSHias! HARD VAHE, BOOTS, SHOES, HATS, CAPS, I Bacon, Mackerel, Salt, In short, anything that can be found in an| extensive and well regulated country! store, which will be sold at moderate! prices for Cash. P 103USX! Of all kinds taken in exchange for Goods,® at the highest market price. G. F. WALKER, jalll3-y Aberdeen, Harford Co., Md. K Franklinville Store- Baltimore County. KELP constantly on hand a large and well assorted stock ol all kinds of Goods adapted to th’e wants of the public, such us Dry Goods, Croceries, ARSWARE, sjsaaMb JV OTXONS, CHINA AND GLASS WARE, In fact anv and every variety of articles! necessary to a well assorted stock, all oil which will he sold at very lowest Cash! prices. The Factory being in operation,! it affords a line market for for which the highest prices will be paid.! The public are invited to call. fe2fi! jcv THE undersigned have just received u| * large and well selected stock of Goods! suitable for the season. They are con-| statttly making up the neatest work, and! the newest and most fashionable style oft Bonnets for the SPRING ami SUM-1 ■jSkj MER, to which they invite the atten-l lion of the citizens of the town and* the surrounding country. They also de-| sire an occasional call from their Baltimore? friends, when they want something of ex-| tra style and finish, as they are aware that* the undersigned can and will take pleasure! In putting tip work of that description. I In addition to all styles of Bonnets,! they keep constantly on hand a variety of| LADIES’ AND GENTLEMEN’S I Mm wars. Such as Ribbons, Lades, Gloves, Hosiery.* Suspenders, and many other articles in 2 the Notion line. Thankful for the liberal patronage here tofore given the firm, they expect by attention to business to merit its ance. M. J WRIGHT St MITCHELL, I Washington street, two doors north the Railroad, and next door to Nixon’s! Hotel, II avke-de-Guace. sep2s I "USES! £I3X2 ! Z.I % E! rpilE subscribers, successors to Cook &. -I- Hides, lake this method of the publ c that they are prepared to fur-t nish them with a sup rior quali'y of UN- i SLACKED LIME, delivered at any nfj the accessible landings on the of the Chesapeake Bay, tlttiing the naviga-j hie season, and respectfully solicit theirj) patronage. Ordeis should he given thirty days in . advance, and addressed to the firm at? Havre-de-Giiacr, VI d. der9-ly JAMES COOK & CO. g WANTED.— A FA R M or tract of’ LAND, tor which Cash will l.erj paid. Address, | L KEMBLE, Box 580, P. O . riulliu ore, Md. & der23-lv "LET US CLING TO THE CONSTITUTION AS THE MARINER CLINGS TO THE LAST PLANK WHEN THE NIGHT AND TEMPEST CLOSE AROUND HIM." ! NOTICE. IDHE County Commissioners for Har -L ford county will meet at their office 1 in Bel Air, on MONDAY and TUES DAY. April 3d and 4th, and every Monday and Tuesday, During the month of AFUIL., For the purpose of making TRANSFERS & ABATEMENTS, Sand such business as may come before them. ft AH persons desiring transfers or abale- ImPius will attend, as no attention; will be ■paid the alienation books with regard to ■deeds, and no abatements will be allowed gaiter May. By order, § JOHN T. SPICER, Clerk. ■ Persons making application for transfers Qof property, will bt required to comply ■with the following sections of Article 81 ■of the Code of Public General Laws : Section 10. Whenever any person ■shall make application for an allowance Hor deduction on account of the sale, traits ■fer, alienation, loss or removal of any prop-1 ■erty, or the collection or payment of any! Mmihlic or private security for money, the! ■County Commissioners or Appeal Taxi ■Court shall interrogate him on oath in! ■reference thereto, anil the disposal of the! ■same, and especially inquire of him to! ■whom the same has been sold or transfer-! Bred, and the amount of the purchase mon-9 Bey, or the money collected, and how the! flsame has been invested. B Section 19. They shall also interro gate said person on oath in reference to ■any acquisitions or investments made by ghim, and not already assessed, and the ■amount of all such acquisitions anil in- Bveslinents shall be added to his assessable and if he refuses to answer, no ■allowance or deduction shall be made on ■his assessment. mh24 S E Li EOT [Boarding and Day School For Young Ladies. I Miss BETTIE B M. HAMILTON, Principal. afl'llE location of this School, in the healthy B A ami pleasant village of Bel Air, Harford Jeounty, Md., combines advantages of quiet and retirement, in a highly moral community, with daily conveyances to the adjacent cities and vil lages. The scholastic year is divided into sessions of five months each. The first te m commences first of February, the second Ist September. j Every arrangement has been made to give this School all the advantages of a first-class Insti-; tute. Thorough instruction will be given in the va rious branches of useful knowledge, and scrupu lous regard will be paid to improvement of the morals and deportment of pupils. Wax-work, both Fruit and Flowers, Baskets Band Vases, including a thorough knowledge of, Sthe art, taught. Also, Bead Work, Embroidery Band Fancy Work, in all its varieties. REFERENCES: Cjßev. J. H. D. Wingfield, Win. Galloway, Esq., I I “ Wm. A. White, Robert N, Hanna, “ I “T.S. C. Smith, Wm. H Dallam, “ ■H. 1). Farnandis, Esq., B. H. Hanson, “ Bllenry W. Archer, “ Isaac Amos, “ ■Stevenson Archer, “ U mhlV I 100 TOMS (OF Bowne IN STORE. I To Bom; Dust Manufacturers? ! I will supply BONES to persons in the] ■country who manufacture BONE DUST,) Mat IJ cents per lb., by wagon loud JOSHUA HORNER, Corner Chew and Stilling streets, | Baltimore.® M I* d It will be to the interest of those man-1 Bnfactnring Bone Dust to purchase thei ■Crude Bone from me, as I can supply! Sthem at the same rates as those from] ■whom they purchase at present, and byj ■purchasing from me it will stop that com-l ■petition which has raised the bones be-| Byond their intrinsic value, making the] ■ farmer pay too much for the Ground Ar-jj ■tide. Call and see me. mhJ7-lm SAT THE CORNER OF MAIN STREET AND* PORT DEPOSIT AVENUE, BEL AIR, MD. Dr. R. Sappington’s |SYRUP Of ILAmm* Dr. K. Sappington’s |CELEBRATED LIVER PILLS; I And a general assortment of beliadle I jDRUGS, OILS. MEDICINES, IjAml articles in that line, put up or selected] ||with care by the Duct or, expressly for our! gsales. \ I ap!4 A H. GREENFIELD. ißark & Sumac Wanted &THE snhscriher will buy BLACK OAK! Ef F BARK and SUMAC, at the Mill near! Bridge. 3 GIDEON G. SMITH, jtq mh24-5t Agent. B A. PRESTON GILBERT, ■aAtt’joDasfljfca a*A- um liEL Ain, Ml. 19 Office with H. D. Farnandis, Esq. [•JOB BRI LT T IN" Oj fcAHisit*>] at thin flPH'e, for Cash. | BEL AIR, MU. FRIDAY MORNING,' APRIL 21, 1865. m /E-SIS AND INTELLIQENG-R IS PUBLISHED EVERY FRIDAY MORNING, BY BATEMAN & BAKER, AT One Dollar and Fifty Cents Per Annum, IN ADVANCE, OTHERWISE TWO DOLLARS WILL BE CHARGED. RATES OF ADVERTISING. One square, (eight lines or less,) three inser tions, SI.OO. Each subsequent insertion 25 cts.’’ One square three months, $3.00; Six months $5.00; Twelve months, SB.OO. Business cards of six lines or less, $5 a year. No subscription taken for less than a year. For the JEgit and Intelligencer. I The Warrior at His Daughter's Grave. “Earth to earth, and dust to dust I ' Saviour, in Thy Word-we trust; Sow we now the precious grain, Thou shall raise it up again ; Plant we the terrestrial root That shall bear celesti tl fruit; Lay a bud within the tomb, That a flower in Heaven may bloom. Severed are no tender ties, Though in earth's embrace she lies; For the lengthening chain of love Stretches to her home above. Mother I in ihy hitter grief Let this thought bring sweet relief; Mother ol an angel now, God himself hath crown'd thy brow With the thorns thy Saviour wore; Blessed art thou evermore ; Unto Him thou didst resign A part of the life was thine. “Earth to earth, and dust to dust’ 1 — Sad the trial, sweet the trust; Father I thou who seest Death Gathering grain at every breath, As His sickle sharp he wields O'er our bloody battle-fields. Murmur not. that now He weaves . y This sweet flower into His sheaves. Taken iu her early prime— Gathered in the summer time— Autumn’s blast she shail not know, Never shrink from Winter's snow. L Sharp the pang that thou must feel, Sharper thin the foeraan's steel ; For thy fairest flower is hid Underneath the coffin lid. On her grave thou dropp’gt no tear; Warrior stern must thou appear, Crushing back the hitler grief, Which in vain demands relief. Louder sMII thy country cries, At thy feet she bleeding lies ; And before the-Patriot now, Husband, father—both must bow. But unnumbered are thy friends, And from many a home ascends Earnest, heart-felt prayer for thee, “As thy days, thy strength may be I” ' IPisctUiuicmis. j Love in a Stage Coach. BY A BACHELOR. How it poured ! Rattle, rattle against the casement; splash, splash on the ground underneath, all night; and now, when I awoke hero, it was raining away harder than ever, us if a second deluge were at; band. Confound the breakfast bell ! 1 do wish there was no such thing as a break-j fast on a rainy morning; for then one! might lie abed all day, or until the storm cleared off Philosophers tell us that! rain is necessary for the economy of na ture ; it may be true, though I never troubled myself much about such things ; I but if so, men ought to be made like dor mice—to sleep iu unconsciousness until the rain sees tit to cease. Nature never inteu-; ded us to be out in a shower, or we would a have been born with patent oil-cloth or In 'S dia rubber skins. ' Down it poured! What on earth; I was 1 to do? The day before had been 5 the brightest one of the bright month of I May; and as I had a passion for walking in the country —more fool for it!—l had trudged away off here, eight miles or more from town, to see a country wedding, “af ter the order used among Friends.’’ I must say that the thing was very hand somely done, and that I was much edified. So much so, that one of these days I shall tell bow the parties deported themselves how many new hats there were in the wed ding company, who drove the finest horses, and all otbey matters of gossip, so iu- U ten sting to young misses and old baohe | lors like myself. The day passed off, with < a bright blue sky, until towards dusk, I when a thunder shower came up that last hd till bed-time ; but I retired fully re solved that the morning would see a clear sky over my head ; but the morning had come, and here it was, pouring down in one dark, splashy, continuous stream, for all the world like an old maid’s objurga tious when her tongue gets wagging Down I hurried to the breakfast table.! I had just buttered my bread, and was! swallowing the first mouthful of coffee,! when the horn of the coach to town wa,<| heard, and looking out of the window, ll saw the vehicle with its four smoking! horses, dashing down the turnpike. It| was my ouly chance to reach the city that! day. I bolted my bread, gulped down myg coffee till my throat was Scalded, jammed! my hat on my head, and made a divea through the door. The driver did not seeg me; but tracked his whip wih a flourish! and went on. I shouted;-still the oil! villain did not notice me, but with anotb-i or flourish of bis whip, set his four-in I baud on u Li inker trot, and rattled down! the hill. 1 1 Desperate with the fear of beino left, 11 >Jpitched after him, scattering the mud around at every step, and shouted at the top of my luugs ; but I might have shouted on till doomsday, had not a passenger seen me, and stopped the old sinner. Out, of breath, wet to the skiii, covered with mud from head to foot, and not in the best hu-j mor from the loss of my breakfast, I mono ted into the coach; hut the instant I' placed my foot inside the vehicle, all my! sulkiness vanished, for one of the loveli est angels that ever blessed a rickety old coach, or warmed the soul of a sour, break-| fastless bachelor, with her presence, sat; upon the back seat Did you ever fair in love ? Of cour-e , And the lady was the loveliest of her sex? To bo sure. Then the stuge-eoach beau ty was twice as handsome as your sweet -I ■heart; and if, after this, you don’t think ■my fellow-passenger a cherub, then 1 give ■up all hope of making you appreciate her. HSueh eyes, such teeth, and such lips — ; ■gad ! it almost makes me crazy to think! ■of them. •jgl I put myself down for the luckiest dogJ ■in the world She was dressed in a plain ■straw cottage bonnet, with a green veil—! ieT'just such a costume,” said I, “as a real; glady wears when travelling”—and theoj Ssucb a sweet, but half-roguish smile, ns i ■tumbled into the coach in the plight l j ■have described, that I knew her at oncel ■to be a paragon in the way of education.! I taste, fortune, and ail that; and that I re-i I solved—what knowing one would not ?| | —to make the agreeable off hand, fori | there is nothing like meeting an heiress! I in a stage-coach, where she thinks she is! unknown, and dreams that every atten-1 j tion paid to her springs from true love—l | ahem !—on your part. 5 I was in clover. What cared I foil Brain ? Splash, splash, splash, aye 1 rain” ■away there, like blazes—who cares ? One ■ get a tele < tete with a pretty girla Slavery day in the week—so I determined! ■to make the best of it. ■ And, faith, with a few sly compliments.' 5 , ■and my extraordinary good looks, I so in’? ■got as cozy with my unknown beauty, and ■she with me, as if we had been acquainted ? is since the days of Noah. We talked of tin ||! wedding, fir she too had been there—of* i the scenery—if ifie rain—and of whatev ? |er came upper nosf; and there was such a ■ I charming frankness in II she said, that I P really thought her the most winning littl■ fi creature I had ever seen ; an 1 I verily be : g lieve if the floor had been softer, and I t had known the accurate number of house •• | d which I would be tenaut, in courtesy, i " | should have gone d iwn on my knees to her at once. I bite showing one’s learn mg off in public, so I avoided anything. like literature, though I saw by the intel , 5 ligeni eyes of the charmer, that she had n | s ml alive to all the finer sensibility of na-J Imre. At length we got on the subject ofjl house-keeping. Now, if there is anything! 1 hate, it is a woman that uau’t kee ■! house, and I trembled at every word, les; jj my charmer should confess her ignorance! of matters. Sliade of Apioius ! howj my heart leaped when she told me thaij hardly a day passed in which she did notl make bread, or pies, or sponge cake, orl some other of those shimsbaws that de-l light the heart of man, and in expatiating! on such delicacies she rose to a pitch of elo-I q tenoe, that I never hoard surpassed. It] could not resist my feelings, but snatched j tier hand to my lips and kissed it. , Yes ! I felt that she was destined to be! mine, for if there is anything a wife ought* to know it is this. I come of a race ofg caterers My grandfather lunched oaS half a dozen rabbits, and died at last of al surfeit produued by eating two roast pigs. I My father can break his fast on a brace oil capons, or devour a pair of turkeys with-i out having o pick his teeth; and a broth 1 Ber of mine can tuck in a hundred oysters* and dishes of chicken salad, which does! honor to the family. My own 'exploits! in this line my modesty forbids me to! mention. No wonder I loved this rosy little beau] ty, who could get up such a choice fry,] and hake snob delicious cakes. Ah !| what a life of domestic happiness rose be-| fore my vision, when I pictured myself re-1 turning homo from court at night, to meet! a beefsteak ready broiled, or a bowl of the! richest turtle soup, served up by the fair! hand of the angel at.my side. I resolved,! if there was any virtue in a pair of whis-i kers, an eloquent tongue, or in my new! blue coat, to win this seraph of piuhu-l keis There is no place like a stage coach for! making love. It comes natural. Yoni ho it, egad, in an easy, don’t care for an/-* thing style, that you can’t for the life on! you assume in any other place. Whu' 4 hetwixt sitting on the same seat to talk! more conveniently, and putting your arms around her waist to keep her from jolting! ff, you soon get to bo wonderful o"Zy,f ■mid. ten to one, if you don’t catch yourself':; ■squeezing her hand, or varying the eiitor-g ■laioment in some other way, before your ■ .re aware of it. ■ For my part, as I have said, I was rea-B ■dy to surrender at discretion, and I alroa-B Sly fancied myself lightening the dear! ■creature beside me of the troublesome du S Bty of collecting the rents of her various® ■lino houses. It was charming to think oil ■the progress, I had made in ber atfee-S Htious. What a delicately rosy cheek it'| ■ ..as that I just then felily kissed —she^ ! ■blushing the deeper at my warmth. And| ■then ber saucy, pouting lips; and then! ■her ti ure, just the size for a man who ha-| ■ ted your thin, weasel-shaped young misses! las he hated epidemics. Ah, what a wife! | she would make! How I thanked my a stars that I had hitherto set my face like I a flint againt every temptation to marry— -8 for now my firmness was rewarded by I this beauty and heiress dropping into my fl mouth. And then 1 preached to rayselt fj a mental homily on the short-sightedness of man, as 1 ventured to steal another kiss from tho conscious aud blushing lit tle angel at my side. ■ I was about to pop the question itself, when tho coach stop ped, aud the driver descended and opened the door. My charmer rose. I was ta ken aback. “Do you get out here ?” said I, in sur prise. “Yes !” said she, "I see Mr. Powell is waiting for me.’’ “Mr. Powell,’’ said I, for that was the name of u friend of .mine who lived up this very lane, not half a mile from tho turn pike ; do you then live with him ? Per haps you’re a relative ? Strange,” I muttered to myself, “I never beard him speak of this charming creature.” Before I oounld answer, Powell ap proached, and while he bailed me, my fel low passenger sprang to the ground as if by magic, and the uoxt minute was in my friend’s vehicle. “For heaven’s sake," said I, half mad i that the hoar y gripe of Powell prevented 3 me from hastening to his ward’s asais -3 tanoe, “who is that angel? Is she a rela- S live, a ward, or what ? I’m dying for ■ love of her !” 1 Powell burst into a laugh, and laughed ■3 on, till tears same in his eyes. Confound! H the fellow, what did be mean? I began! I to look angry. “Come, my dear boy,” he said, “Jon’ti I get into a passion, but consider now d i| r! it is that you, of all men, should lab in | 9 love with my cook.” ‘1 I never make acquaintance to a stages y roach now, until I have exchanged curds.l *1 What an EJuo> Might, Have Been. I ft g “v; Holland, the editor ot the Springfield! V (Mass ) Republican, has been up tn Ver-i niout, to “Where ne came from,” and he! j thus sketches what he should have been! d ho had uot left home and become an! ■v -ditort V Mu correspondent would have grown! ‘ s ulwart and strong, with horny hands and! 1 a thee as black as the ace of spades. H-*l ;; would have taught school winters, worked! : on his farm summers, and gone out hay ! r-j mg fifteen days iu July, and taken fori ft pay the iron works and running gear of al •r wagon. At iwn-and-twonty, or thereabouts, hr® : would have begun to pay attention to a girll with a father worth $2,000, an 1 a spit ! curl on her forehead—a girl who always v went to singing-school, and always “set £ in the seats,” and sung without opening hor mouth —a pretty girl, any way. Well, |jj after seeing her home from singing-school ijjj for two or three years, taking her to a B Fourth of July, and getting about SIOO 8 together, he would have married and . set ' | tied down. Years would pass away, and the girl with the spit-curl would have eleven children —just as sure as you live —seven boys and four girls. Wo should have had a bard time in bringing them up, but they would soon be able to do the milking, and help their mother wash-days, aud I, getting indepen dent at last, and feeling a little stiff in the joints, would be elected a member of the legislature, having been an assessor and a school oommittee-man for years.— In the evening of my days, with my pipe Q in my mouth, tbirteeu barrels of eider iu | my cellar, and a newspaper in my hand, [ should sit and look at the markets 'through a pair of gold-mounted specta cles, and wonder why such a strange, silly piece as this should be published. The First Verse in the Bible. The simple sentence denies Atheism— for it assumes the being of God. It de nies Polytheism, and, among its various 3 forms, the doctrine of two eternal princi ples,* the one good and the other evil; for it confesses tho one eternal Creator. It denies Materialism, for it asserts the crea tion of matter. It denies Pantheism, for it assumes the existence of God before all things, ami apart from them. It de nies Fatalism, for it involves the freedom of Eternal Being. It assumes the exis tence of God, for it is Ho who, in the be ginning, creates. It assumes His eterni ty, for He is before all things; and as nothing eotnes from nothing, He himself must have always been. It implies His omnipotence, for He creates the universe of things. It implies His absolute free- Bdmu, far He begins a new course of action It implies His infinite wisdom, for a Jcos -1 mus, and order of matter and mind, can S only come from a being of absolute iutel- SJ ligeuce. It implies His essential good -9 m sa, for the sole, eternal, almighty, all- M - .llicieut Being, has no reason, no motive p md no capacity fur evil; it presumes Him to bo beyond all limit of time and plane, bj is H - is before all time and place. — ProJ. E Murphy. | Caution to the Public —There was I “nuce upon a time’’ an old pilferer Down S East, on (Atom all thefts, far and near, I were at onoo charged, when any loss was 8 discovered. The old follow boro the nni- I versa! “onus” patiently for a time; but B finding that in some instances he was suf- B ering for the sins of others, he issued a R Caution to the Public in the usual form : 8 “I he(eby forbid all persons, from this B date, to steal on my account and risk. I ! am no longer accountable for their tres- I passes, as I have more than I can account I for of my own.” YOL. IX.—m 16. Signification of Names.—Mary, Maria, Marie (French), signifies exalted —according to some, Mary means lady of the seas; Martha, interpreted, is bitter* n<‘s; Isabel, signifies lovely; Julia and Juliet, soft-haired; Gertrude, nil truth; Eleanor, all faithful; Ellen, originally the Greek Heleu, changed by the Latins into Helene, signifies alluring, though, according to Greek authors, it means one who pities. The interpretation of Caro line is legal; that of Charlotte is a queen; Clara, bright or clear-eyed; Agnes, chaste; Amanda, amiable; Laura, a laurel; Ed* ith, joyous; Oliva, peace; Phoebe, light of light; Grace, favor; Sarah, or Sally, a princess ; Sophia, wisdom; Amelia and Amy, beloved; Matilda, a noble maid; Margaret, a pearl; Rebecca, plump; Pauline, a little one; Hannah, Anna, An nie, Ann and Nancy, all of which are the same original name, interpreted, mean gracious or kind ;_Janc signifies dignity; Ida, the morning star; Lucy, brightness of aspect; Louisa, or Louise, one who protects; Emma, tender; Catharine, pure; Frances, or Fanny, frank or free; Lydia, severe; Minerva, chaste. An. “Off-hand’’ Soke.—A sturdy sergeant of one of the Massachusetts regi ments being obliged to submit to amputa tion of bis hand, the surgeon offered to administer chloroform as usual; but the veteran refused, saying : “If the cutting was to bo done on him be wanted to see it.’’ And laying his arm on the table, submitted o the operation without a sign of pain cxc pt a firmer setting of the teeth. Tho operator, as ho iiinisbed, looked at Lis victim with admiration, and ■jroiuurked : to “You ought to have bccu a surgeon, ■my man.’’ || “1 was the next thing to one afore I enlisted,” said the hero. “What was that?’’ asked the doctor. “A butcher!” responded the sorgearut with a grim smile, which despite the sur roundings, communicated itself to the by -tanders. A New Name for “Odd Bourbon ’' —A man about town tells us that the re lent “elevation” of a distinguished Ten ■ lOHseean has led to a change in alcoholic ■nomenclature in this city. Ho heard a ■conversation between an unxims inquirer Sifter “Old Bourbon” and a bar-tender, ■which he reports : 9 Anxious Inq’r. —(Approaching bar,) I ‘Old Bourbon?” r Bit-Tender. —“Don’t live here—have Hoot seen him—don't know him.” I An.v. Inq. —“l want some Old Bour g| ion whiskey !” Bar-Tender — “Just out, sir — got some very fine Andy Johnson !’’ The unlucky customer accepts the sub stitute, imbibes, and becomes so “inoo icrent’’ that ho can’t remember the name f Gideon Welles.— Philadelphia Age. Sf&~A gentlemen travelling on a Sun lay was obliged to stop in order to replace mo of his horse’s shoes. The farrier was it church ; but a villager suggested that, if he went on to Jem Harrison’s forge, he would probably be found at homo. This proved to bo true, when' the rustic, who had led the horse to the spot, exclaimed : “Well, I must say that for Jem—for it is the only good point about him—bo do never go.to church !” I®“ln ne of the processes of steol pen making, done by females at Birming nam, a quick worker will out out in one day of ten working hours 250 gross, or 36,- 000 pens, which involves 72,000 distinct motions of the ferm, two in every second. !&• “Mr. Smith,” said the counsel, •‘you say you onoo officiated in a pqlpit— lo you mean that you preached?” “No, sir ; I held the candle for a man who did.” l ‘Hh, the court understood you different ■ly. They suppose that the discourse ■came from you." “No, sir; I only ■t browed light on it.” The Odor of a Ball. —Au officer writes : “In the Wilderness a ball passed under my nose. Its odor was anything hut refreshing, fur it made the blood come.” ' ■■ A Dublin journal observes that a hand bill anuounomuut of a political meeting in that city, states, with boundless liberality, that the ladies, without distinction of sex, are cordially invited to attend.” A Conscientious Scruple.—Henry Ward Beecher asked Park Benjamin why he never came to Brooklyn to hear him preach. Benjamin replied, “Why, Beech er, the fact is, I have conscientious scru ples against going to places of public amusement on Sundays.” Friends.—Josh Billings says of friends : “I got mine and manage to keep them by not asking them fur anything but advice; you can’t ask anything of a man that he loves to give more, and costs him Bless, than advice.” A woman was enjoined to try the effect of kindness on her husband, since it would heap coals of fire on his head, re plied that she had tried ‘bilin’ water and it didn’t do a bit of good. A gentleman who wan in arrears for several week’s board and lodging, com plained one morning that his coffee was not settled. “You bad belter settle for the coffee, and then complain,” said the landlady.