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THE mm & INTELLIGENCER.
$1.50 PER ANNUM. TEACHERS! rpHE TEACHERS of Harlonl county JL are hereby notified to meet in the Court House, iy Bel Air, on TUES DAY. 2tiih December. At 2. P. M , ‘TEACHERS' AS SO- : CIATI OvV” will be organized, officers elected, by-laws made, and subjects for discussion suggested. Hours of attendance during meetings : j From 9 A. M. to 12 M. •• 2P.M. to SP. M. Public ADDRESSES and LECTURES! delivered every evening, commencing at 7 o’clock. Among the speakers are lion.; E. II Webster, Prof. William Garret tson, ’ Rev. W. S. Drysdale, Rev. J. Y. Cow ; hick. P. II Rutledge, Esq., Mr. Thomas V. i; public are cordially invited to be piesnt. Teachers will be examined in the fob : lowing oriler : First District, Tuesday, at 9 A. M Sixth “ Wednesday, “ Second *■ Thursday, “ Fifth “ Friday, 11 Fourth “ Saturday, “ Third “ Monday, Jan Ist, 1860. (Jj-* Teachers will bring their permits, j T. S. C. SMITH, dpcl>s Pres. Board School Com. I i Thomas Guilfoy & Bro. Manufacturers of Tin and Sheet Iron Ware,j Alain tired , nearly opposite Post office, ! :m wSm fIMIE subscribers having located in Bel Air, j I respectfully inform the citizens of Harford ; county that they will manufacture and keep on band every variety of TIN WARU AND HOUSEKEEPING ARTICLES, Of a superior quality, which they will sell on rensonablc terms ROOFING and SPOUTING attended to, in the best manner and with despatch. jfta-FURNACES and FIRE-PLACE STOVES i put up and repaired a* short notice. pSr MILK CANS of superior quality manu factured to order. Give Us a Cau. I TUGS. GUILFOY & BRO., sepl-dm Main street, Bel Air MW GOpDS. r ri!F, undersigned have just received al * large and well selected stock of Goods ' suitable for the season. They are con-1 stonily making up the neatest work, and j tiie newest and most fashionable style of |*i BONNETS, Up veaX IPor the E'all & Winter. To which they invite the attention ofj the citizens of the town and the sur-! rounding country. They also desire | an occasional call from their Baltimore j friends, when they want something of ex-1 tra style and finish, as they are aware that the undersigned can and will take pleasure in putting up work of that description. In addition to all styles of Bonnets, they keep constantly on hand a variety of LADIES’ AND GENTLEMEN’S Such as Ribbons, Laces, Gloves, Hosiery,! Suspenders, and many oilier articles in the Notion line. Thankful for the liberal patronage here tofore given thefinn, they expect by strict attention to business to merit its continu ance. M. J. WRIGHT & MITCHELL, j Washington street, two doors north of’ the Railroad, and next door to Nixon’s | Hotel, Havre-de-Grace. sep2s j RATS MADE TO COME OUT OP' THEIR ; HOLES TO DIE! S T ON £ B K, A K K R’ri Rat, Roach and Mouse EXTERMINATOR! i A 7 S invite the attention of the public to the 1 i' above preparation, as being one of the ,r >< T elual preparation, cv.er introduced lor 1 -u- .-ii action of the above vermin. Wo war -1 Oil it a DEAD SHOT FUR RATS I Try it— only 25 cents u box. iSSr-Forsale by A. 11. GREENFIELD, Ag’t, j corner Main street and Port Deposit avenue, Bel I Air, Md. sepls-6m ADMINISTRATOR'S NOTICE. 'I'IIIS IS TO GIVE NOTICE, That (he sab __ scriher bus obtained from the Register of Wills ot Harford county, Md,, Letters of Admiu tratiou ou tha personal estate of JOHN L. WEBSTER, late of Harford County, dec'll. All persons bav j ing claims against said deceased arc hereby noth I Bed to exhibit the same, with the legal vouchers! thereof, on or before the 2 Olh day of November, 1866, or they may otherwise by law be excluded from all benefit of said estate. All persons indebted to said estate are request- ■ cd to make immediate payment. Given under my hand and seal this 29th day ! of November, 1863. JAMES K. CHESNEY, j deel Administrator. CARD. BEING in Philadelphia dining the winter, al-! tending lectures, 1 take this method of iu- j forming the public that I will be at my office ia ! Havtc-de-Grace, during CMUIftTMAS WEEK only? 11. 0. REGISTER, deal 5 Dental tSugeoa. awmmbstibv ass BEL AIR, Md. Ofifiee witli H. D. Famaodi*. Esq. "LET US CLIXQ TO THE CONSTITUTION AS THE MARINER CLINGS TO THE LAST PLANK WHEN THE NIGHT ASH TEMPEST CLOSE AROUND HIM." THE AOIS AND INTELinENCER IS PCULISHED EVERY FRIDAY MORNING. BV -A.. "W. BA.TEIvfI;A.ISr 3 AT , One Hollar and Fifty Cents Per Annum , j IN ADVANCE, OTHERWISE 1 TWO DOLLARS WILL BE CHARGED. i RATES OF ADVERTISING. : One square, (eight lines or less,) three inscr- J ; lions, SI.OO. Each subsequent insertion 23 els. j | One square three months, $3.00; Six montfft, ! , $3.00; Twelve month*, SB.OO. : Business cards of six lines or less, $5 a year, j No subscription taken for less than a year. Ipflftifitl. | VISIT OF OLD SANTA CLADS. : ‘Awake, dear mamma! and do come and see Whirl Santa Claus left in my stocking for me I i I’ve a dull, ond a sofa, ami many fine things I What beautiful presents old Santa Claus brings 1 | 1 There’s a whip and a horse for dear Johnny, and ; more, I It moves like .a live one, all over the floor ; | The eyes of ray dolly, they shut and they open, j I Much better you see, than the old one that’s bro ken. ■ Do, deanst Mamma ! wake up and sec I How strange that on Christmas you sleepy can be?" And sissy pulled out from her own little stock- I ia ff I A tiny bit chair, oil cushioned and rocking, j “Last night when old nnrsey bad put us to bed, i And bid us “good night 1 ' when our prayers were nil said, i I thought 1 would lifter), for I wanted to hear Old Santa Glaus come with his tiny reindeer. I liied very hard my eyes open to keep, At the funny Old man to steal usiy peep ; So I looked at the chimney as hard as I could— For nursey had told us, if we would be good, He’d come down the chimney, as sure ns be came, And fill up each stocking, for he well knows the j name Of every good child and the house where bo lives, j And to ail that he loves pretty presents he gives, j So I tried very bard to keep open one eye, i Rut it kept shutting up as last as I’d try ; And the first 1 knew was Johnny’s loud call, “Merry Christmas I dear sisters, dear nursey and at!. Then I ran to my stocking as fast ns could be, And I found it filled of nice things as you see, I am very sorry, indeed I am so 1 Fur I wanted to sec them all dash through the snow ; j Little Dasher and Dancer, and Prancerand Vix en, | Little Comet and Cupid, and Bonder and Blixen. I Ob I nursey lias told me such wonderful things jOf the sleigh and the deer, and the presents lie ! brings, Of old Santa Claus, too, and his funny fur clothes— j His cheery red cheeks, and his pipe, and red nose— j Where he places his finger, with a blink of his eyes, j Away up tiie chimney in a moment lie flies, j Oh I dear, dont you think when Fm older, next year, j 1 can keep wide awake to see the reindeer ? IPiscfUaiuinis. From the Evening Transcript. THANKSGIVING IN WASHINGTON. | Thu Rov. Dr. iioytton, just .elected | | Chaplain of (lie House of Representatives, : proved himself quite worthy of the honor j conferred upon him by that radical body,; by the discourse which he delivered iu • the Capitol yesterday, and which, on mo-1 tion ot Hon. Mr. atsuloy, of Ohio, was or- j dered to be piinud. His lest was as fol- ' lows : | Exodus X\ ~1,2 —“Then sang Moses | ( he children ol Israel this song unto 1 | (he Lord, and spake, saying : 1 will ring I j nuto the Lord tor Ho hath triumphed glu | l iuusly j the horse and his rider hath lie I thrown info tho sea. “I he Lord is my strength and song, i and He is become my salvation.” I ihe sermon which fallowed was ono of I the most virulent specimens of red mouth- i | ed fanaticism and blatant bathos wo have | yet read. We give some sample cx-1 tracts : ‘■lhis is a part of n song of national I thanksgiving, u hymu of praise which swelled over the sea, and over the desert, I on the morning after that night of won ders and terror when Israel was delivered, and the power of Egypt was broken. “In that awful gorge of the sea, tho waves dashing to their side ou either band, the roar ot the pursuing army behind,' j and that great cry, the funeral wail of ■ Using inland, u new nation was' : burn. j “A herd of slaves had been changed into i a people by that terrific midnight bap. j tism, and were consecrated to the great | work which ws to cud in the world’s re demption. | “We, too, have come to a similar hour, i We stand this day ou tho shore of deliv ! franco, but we have this day passed j through a sea redder far than that ofj | Egypt—a sea of real blood and teais. I I “Not fur a few hours, but for four years I i We have been marching through,splashed j i with the blood of our bravest, and the tears i , of true-hearted end broken-hearted thous } aud.s; and to-day this American people, standing amid live hundred thousand giaves, with millions of mourners aud thousands of maimed and crippled men, tho relies of the fight, rises above the greatness of its sorrow, and raises to God I its thanks and its praises that a great I wrong has been trampled down, that the : right has been vindicated towards God and man, and that we Maud before the 1 i BEL AIR. Ml). FRIDAY MORNING. DECEMBER 22, 1865. world to-day a new-born free American | nation, over which flouts tha old flag, dear- 1 cr now than ever, not one star eclipsed, and its glorious beauty to be stained no more with blood arid tears of a slave."’ Byway of rendering his auditors thank ful for the restoration of peace, he cm- | j jutes up the following images aud cries I [ aloud for blood ; i "The value of this Messing of peace i must bo measured by the greatness of the j previous battle, the interest which it in-j j volved, and the perils which it brought. I “Think how on all these lines of battle, j i the rivers, tho occaa have been crimsoned ; | with the blood of Americans. Think of j the crowded graveyards around every hos pital ; think of the sixty four thousand murdered, starved, poisoned iu those I Southern prisons; think of those horrors I at which tbe savage is amazed, by which j human nature was disgraced, and by • which devils confessed themselves out-1 | done. Sixty four thousand murdered ! : Think of them, starved into idiocy, star | lug at you with their rayloss eyes; look at - them, an army of skeletons, and hark to | the cry of blood, tbe cry for justice rising ! from" their graves. What have we to an-' I surer? We have bungone poor, miserable 1 subordinate, whose death produced noi I mere moral influence than the crushing! of a fly would have done, while every j leader and instigator of those horrors walks as yet unharmed, and sixty thous and graves of tho brave, true-hearted, are crying out against us in the ear of God.— | I do not thunk God for this.” The Pharisee next proceeds to speak of the South and its people after the follow ing amiable fashion : “The war has left the South alike a ma terial ruin and a moral wreck. The | ghastly emptiness, the black desolation ol i their land, filled only with scorched ruins I and graves and dead men’s bones, fitly j represent the general state of the South- j ern -mind and heart. “The South entered into tho war as if there were no God aud no eternal princi ples of right or wrong, as if greatness had do connection with the right and the true. Sue did not know that no great and noble thing ever was, or will be or can be done iu defence ol a loul and evident wrung.— She went into the buttle to maintain ini quity, and she fought under the inspira lion of passion instead of principle.— Those Southern leaders seemed to think that they could kindle every evil passion, | thal they could, us the Apostle says, set i the soul on fire of hell, and yet the soul j not. bo consumed. They thought they I could scalp a Yankee and drink out of his i skuli, and make trinkets of his bones, and i not become savages themselves; they I thought they could murder aud torture I and starve defenceless prisoners, and set - about generally to a devil’s work, and uot become devils themselves “They have, through an inevitable moral law, reaped tho fruit of their doings They have paid the penalty of the roost fearful I crimes ot earth. They took religion and I public faith and honor, and all the forces ot society, and all tho energies of the in dividual, and pressed them by force into the service of a foul iniquity, and, ns Gud could not bo safely defied, nor the soul He has made he outraged with impunity, the Southern character has collapsed, aud there remains only the ruiusof humanity, souls burned up with passion—the ashes 1 and cinders of the extinct volcano. “For the present the South must remain i incapable of an heroic or a great idea.— i The statesman may reconstruct the forms of the State, but to reconstruct a ruined I sou! is beyond bis art. „ The South has committed suicide upon her moral nature, and she must abide the result. “The only choice which God has left tho South is repent or perish. The North on the contrary has boon made purer, strong er, nobler by tho war. Wo too were in imminent danger at the outset of being ruined fur the lack of moral principle.— When our leaders were trying all possible i metbo.s of conciliating traitors; wheel they set tho mere political Union above 1 justice, above human rights, and even the Law of God, we stood on the verge of tie- ! struction, because wo wore sapping the j moral power of the nation, and because, wilhr ut an underlying moral principle and a sustaining mural force, no cause can be great or successful. We were sinking into the inaction and torpor which marks j the decay of moral power and spiritual | I'fc,when God in mercy startled the whole : nation with the thunder of the cannon at | Sumter. It seems to me that tho mug- 1 nifieent outbur-t of holy wrath, that spit- i itual lightning flash of patriotic lire which | followed the attack, was an inspiration ! from Httivcu The North seemed to awake as under tho breath of the Al mighty. “The first thrill of that new life went through ail true hearts, and starting with its first throb, the North awoke to a new existence. She became capable of a great war and a great success. She put on strength from God. As tha contest went ■ on throe great ideas gradually were re vealed to tho Northern mind : Tbe idea of delivering American Christianity from all complicity with our national sins; the idea of lifting four millions among us from hrutehood to manhood ; and the idea of one gr-at free American nation, consecra ted to God aud humanity, “The moment tho North accepted these ideas ns the elements of the light, she was irresistible. She was armed with the might of God, and success was sure. 1 Her armies fought not alone under the | stripes and stars, but under tbo banner of 1 Christ. All that was best in human character was quickened uuder this inspi ration of the right; time, money, life, all bo!}’ eliort, all uoblo sacrifice, wore st the service of the Government, and while the miserable traitor wriggled up and struck j at the patriot’s bead, he bruised to death j the head of the Southern dragon.” ! On the negro question bo exhibited the i usual type of insanity, and if he were re-1 sponsiblo might be considered blasphe- j raous. Hear him ; “The negroes have toiled for us two bun-1 drod years, producing a large portion of | jour wealth, and have been infused com-1 jpensation; they have proved faithful when all around were traitors ; they ren dered all possible loving, bravo, true hearted service to our soldiers, aod their loyal blood, freely shed, was a part of the price of our safety, aud these claims are all tiled against us iu that High Court where lie presides who is Judge over all thoearth.! : In that court Christ is the negroes’ Ad vocate and God the Judge, aud that will | never be dismissed until the debt, is paid even to the uttermost fartbiug.” [Ap- i plause.] [The speaker, when the applause bad | subsided, remarked that however gratify- j ing such tokens of approval were, they ! I seemed to him somewhat inappropriate! I upon such an occasion, and that the audi- | j cnee would confer a favor upon him by | refraining from any applause.] j Christ and his Apostles lived in an age j when the worst forms of slavery were pre j sented to their gaze, but we look in vain j into the sacred text for sentiments like those of Boynton, or that which follows, as to the proper treatment of the South : j “It is with sorrow and disappointment j I that wo are forced to’believe that, with so | j few exceptions as not to affect the gone ral | I result, Uie spirit of the South to-day is ■ ! what it was during the war, but intensified | jby the mortification of defeat. And this! | bitter feeling is cherished not uly toward I ! the conquering North, hut towards the al most detenceless blacks, who not only es caped from their grasp, but whose loyal hearts aud desperate fighting contributed so largely to their overthrow. Whoever! has marked the ferocious passion with i which the war on their part was conducted will teo that it would require a greater miracle than was ever wrought on human thought and feeling towards those whom they have hated and scorued so long, aud by whom they were conquered at last. — i We regret that such is the spirit of the ■ i South, but we must deal with facts as they • | are. | “Again, no one need mistake the pur i poses of the South. They are willing to ; abolish the name and form of slavery if they can retain the control of the blacks through their local laws, because they I gain some twelve members of Congress by this nominal freedom, while the degrada tion of the blacks will bo as complete as before. There is nowhere an indication of a willingness to yield to the black race I the rights and privileges of a proper nian j hood. It ibe great estates are restored to the rebel owners tho landed aristocracy will hold black and white laborers in the condition of serfs, while they will gain largely in political power oy granting the worthless farms of freedom to the slave. * * * * * * “No Stale, however powerful, can afford ! to bring public law into contempt, to set | aside tho penally of crime and abolish the ! j distinction between right and wrong, and ! ! thus subvert the very foundations on ! ! which society rests. j “Much less can a State afford to reward j j an open iniquity, so that even rebellion j ■ shall command a premium, “The mercy of God is infinite. His j j compassions fail not. Love is the sum j j and essence of his character. God is love. I I Yet, in all tho history of the universe, j j there is not an instance where mercy tn- ! i lerfored with justice, there is not a case i of forgiveness unless in some manner the; ! law was first vindicated. “Can wo afford, then, or will we dare fo| put pardons iu tho bauds that yet drip 1 with the blood of our slain; shall we give back to the unrepentant Rebels property, 1 power and honor, while we deny all proper i rightand privilege to those whose steadfast hearts were true in all our hours of dark ness and strife, and who, by the terrible ordeal of battle, have proved both their loyalty and their manhood, and have fair ! 1} purchased (he rights of citizens with I the price of blood ? Dare we present i ourselves before either God or tho nation, \ after having committed an outrage against ' God by rejecting the principles upon hich He declares His universe shall be gov erned, in pioelaiming that traitors may strike at the life of a nation, throw into confusion tho whole order of society, en danger all tho interests of thirty millions of people, slaughter ia tho battle and by every other horrid form of death nearly a million of men, till a wail like that of smitten Egypt went up from all the land, and yet no crime bo committed that demands a punishment—that such acts, upon which God Himself has set damna tion's seal, are even wot thy of reward ? “Could wo face the wrath of God, or foe scorn of the world if we’prove in any de gree false to tho spirit and intent of the promises by which we secured the aid of the blacks, and changed the aspect of the war ? Wo know full well that the proc lamation of freedom and tho urgent invi tation to join our enemies by every rule of honorable dealing and fair interpretation, carried with them the promise and the ob ligation to bestow every right of citizen ship. Now, after we have received the price paid, as it was, in blood, shall we Hre repudiate the promise rcc-irded alike ~ ■ . M——l—— in the Book of God and iu the memory of Ij man, aud not only withhold the essential rights of freemen, but restore to tho rebel i ■ master property and place and power, and I then hand hack the slave whom we swore j ( o deliver to be the victim of that master’s ! passionate revenge ? ; “We cannot do this without corrupting the heaitjof the nation. We cannot do it j without bringing upon us tho scorn and I execration of the world. We cannot do | it without compelling God to avenge the i outrage. "It would be to pepetuate a wrong black er, fouler, more cowardly than slavery it self. It would prove us unworthy to be a nation. We should forfeit our right to he.” _ , He foreshadows a national church based i upon the doctrine of negro equality and 1 I other “improvements’’ in “Christian!- i i ty “Before the war the United Stales was a I political organization, had no definite re- ' ligious character or purpose. But now the 1 i power which moves us aud through which \1 i we have conquered is a religious sc-uti- 1 1 merit of the land. It is a Christianity I j which recognizes the manhood of all men, t I which demands for all men equality of . right before God and tho law, and a fair | ! field in which every one may work out for I I himself a social standing according to the faculty which is in him. t “This is now the central idea of tho liv- f •jJK aggressive American Christianity, and 1 tnr nation stands committed to its propa- I gation and defence. Tho term Protestant- i ism does not correctly describe tho form j e i <’f Christianity. It is more than Protes- j r j tantisui ; it is a step io advance. I ‘ I “It embraces aud holds fust all the great j | Protestant doctrines; but it also does j more than this. The power of the Refor-1 1 inutiuii consisted in presenting anew some |* | of the cardinal doctrines of tho ancient!* j faith. American Christianity accepts all these, and their goes beyond, and em bodies tho principles of tho Gospel io free * popular institutions, and in the very spirit of Christ proposes to ennoble the whole * | humanity. i “The American nation, then, occupies a position never held by any people before. ' it stands the representative and champion ( or" a true Christian democracy iu Church t and Stats, aud demands this continent, aud nothing less, as the theatre of its j life. It opens a new era in tho progress • of humanity. , “If these views are correct, then we may j look fur the future safety of our country '“ this new born and inlensor Christian j life embodied now in national institutions, to that although there will be no State re- * ligion, no church iu alliance with civil government, ihere will be an American * Christianity, which will control our na- 1 luiual policy as the spirit does the body.— As tho spirit is present in every member and fibre of the body, so let us hope that I American Christianity will pervade the whole body of our institutions, ami shape every act of our policy.’’ The blessings of this “improved’’ Chris tianity are ultimately to ho extended to the benighted Europeans, for be closetb thus : , “Is it not, then, our national mission to ( fill this continent with churches and ! schools, the activity and intelligence and [ blessings of a civilization which is a true expression of the Gospel, and thei), ma- ! j king no aggression, aod permitting none i from others, aid us wo may in regenera j ting Europe by the example of a nation j which honors Christ, and also honors hu inanity because redeemed and elevated ! in Him—the example of a Christian Cun | liueutal Republic. - Selections from Artemns Ward. HIS AUTOBIOGRAPHY. 1 | Now York, near Fifth Avenoo Hotel, > j 1 I Org. 31st. j i Dr. Sir—Yrs, into which you ask me ) to sand you sura leadin incidents in my ! life so you eau write my Bogfry for the papers, cum dooly to baud. I hav no , doubt that a article onto my life, grammat lycally jerked and properly punktooated, would be a addition to the ohois literatoor ! of the day. To tho youth of Ameriky it would be j vallyhle as shown how high a pinnykle of fame a man can reach who commenst his * career with a small canvass tent and a * pea green ox, which lie rubbed it off * while scratching hisself agin the center ‘ pole; causin, in Rahway, N. J., adiacrimi- j uating mob to say that humbugs would not go down iu them village. The ox resoom- • ed agriodltooral pursuits shortly after- 1 ward. I next tried my hand at giviu Blind rnau concerts, appearing ns the poor blind i man myself. But the infamous cuss who 1 hired to lead me round town in the day time, to excite sympathy, drank freely of - l spiritous liker unbeknown to me one day & while under them inflooanco ho led me into the canal. I had to either tear the green bandage from my eyes or be drowned. I tbn’t I’d restore my eyesight. In writin about these things, Mr. Edi tor, kinder smooth era over. Speak of ’em ' as eccentrissities of genus. c My next ventur would have bin sue- ‘ cess if I hadn’t tried to do too much. I got up a series of wax Gggirs and among others one of Socrates. I tho’t a wax * figger of old Sock would be poplar with * edicated peplc, but unfortinitly I put a Brown linnen duster and a U. S. Army regulation cap on him, which peplo with \ classycal eddyuatiou said it was a farce.— t This enterprise was unfortoit io other re- ‘ •peck". At a certain town I advertised a | VOL. IX. —NO. 61. whs figger of the Hou’bh; Amos Perkins, who was a Railroad President, and a great ■ person in them parts. But it appeared 1 j had shown the same figger for a Pirut | named Gibs in that town the previa sea son, which created a tremendous too mult, & the audience remarked “shams onto rr.o,” & other statements of the same similurness. I tried to mollify ’em. I I told them that any family posseasin ohil [ dren might have* my she-tiger to play with a half a day, & I wouldn’t charge ’em a cent; but alars ! it was of no avail, I was forced to leave, and I infer from an article in tho Advertiser of that town, in which the Editer says, “Altho’ time has silvered this man’s lied with its frosts he still brazenly wallows in infamy. Still ate his snakes stuffed, and his waxworks unreliable. Wo are glad that be lias con cluded to never revisit our town, altho’, incredible as it may appear, the fellow res ly did contemplate so doing last Summer, when, still true to the craven iustinots of his black heart, he wrote the hireling of the obscure journal across the street to know what they would charge for 400 bills dun on yellow paper ! We shall re cur to this matter again.” I say, I infer from this article that a prejudiss stilt exists agin me in that town. I will not speak of my once being in straitened circumstances in a sertia town, and of my cudevcrin to accumulate wclth by leftin mysolf to Sabbath school pic-nios losing ballads adapted to the understand ing of little children, accompanying my self on the clarionett—which I forgot where I was one day singing instead of “Ob how pleasant to be a little child,” ' ‘ ■flip snap—set 'em up again, Right iu the middle of a three cent pie,*' which mistake, added to tho fact that I couldn’t play onto tho clarionett except makiu it howl dismal, broke up the pio-nic; the children said in voices choked with emotions, where was their homes, where was their Pa ? and I said, be quiet, dear children, I am your Pa, which mada a young woman with twins by her side say very angrily, “Good heavens forbid you should ever be the Pa of any of these in nocent ones, unless it is much desirable for them to expir ignominiously up on to a murderers gallus.’’ I say I. will not speak of this. Let it be berried in Oblivion. In your article, Mr. Editer, pleaso tell 'em whul sort of man I am. If you see fit to criticise my Show, speak your mind freely. I do not object to kritioism. Toll the public in a candid and graceful article, that my show abounds in moral and startlin curiosities, any one of whom is wuth doable tho price of ad mission. I bav thus far spoke of myself excloo sively as a exhibitor. 1 was born in the State of Maine of parents. As a infant I attracted a great deal of attention. Tho nabera would sti*nd over my cradle for burrs and say, “How bright that little face looks ! How much it nose I” Tho young ladies would carry me round in their arms, saying I was muzzer’s hezzy darlin, and sweety ’eety little ting. It was nice, tho’ I wasn’t old enough to propperly appreciate it. I’m a helthy old darlin’ now. I have allers sustain a good moral character. I never was a railroad director in my life. Altho’ in my early life I did not inva riably confine myself to truth in my small bills, I have been gradooly growing re spectablcr and respectabler ov’ry year. I luv my children, & never mistake another man’s wife fur my own. I’m not a mem ber of any meetin bouse, but firmly be lieve in meetin bouses, and shouldn’t feel safe to take a dose of laudanum and lay down in the streets of a village that hadn’t any, with a thousand dollars in my vest pocket. My temperament is bilious although I don’t owe a dollar in tho world. lama early riser, my wife is a Presby terian. I may add that lam also bald headed. I keep two cows. I liv in Baldiusville in Indianny. My next door naber is Old Steve Billins. I’ll toll you a little story about old Steve that will make you larf. He jined the Church last spring, and the minister said, “You must go home now, Brother Billins, and erect a family altar in your own house,” whereupon the egrejis old ass went home and built a reg’lar Pulpit iu his settin room. He bad jiners in bis bouse over four days. lam 56 (56) years of age. Tima with its relentless scythe, is very busy. The old Sexton gathers them in, he gathers them in 11 keep a pig this year. I don’t chink of anything more, Mr. Editer. If you should give my portrait in con nection with my Bogfry, please give ms ingraved iu languisbiu attitood leaning on a marble pillar leavin my back hair as it is now. Trooly yours, Artemus Ward. if" “I don’t* think,’’ saida would-bo literary Duke, “you can find a single Irish character in all the works of Shakspeare?” “Yes, you can,” boldly ejaculated young Edmund, “for I can cite two—Miss O’Phelia, and Corry O’Lsnus.’’ The no ble Duke instantly started for Manches ter,—Punch. B&" Mr. Punch was asked whether it was possible to cure a blind alley; when that mighty genius readily replied “Certainly; I should first begin hy im proving its tit*.''