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1.50 PER ANNUM- (6atj street ©olxtmtr. BUY THE NEW Economist Oil Stove. > 'ii> i -,11 1 •'' ~ i fillßHHßfir It In the BENT, CHEAPEST and SAFEST In use. No homo complete without it. Also COOKING STOVES, TIN WARE AND HOUSE KEEPING ARTICLES, Sale Cheap at WM. GLUCK’S, Cor. tiny and Harrison Sis.. Baltimore. J. C. PUN D, Confectioner and Fruit Dealer, WHOLESALE AND RETAIL, Number 232 North Gay street, Near Bel Air Market, Baltimore, Md. A Large Assortment of Confectionery, all of his own manufacture, to which tho atten tion of the trade and tho public in general la Invited. Jyls 0E0..H, BUCHHEIMER, Late with J. Pletachor, successor to S. Jackson, Manufacturing Cutler, 183 N. GAY STREET, opposite No. 6 Engine House, BALTIMORE SCISSORS, TABLE AND POCKET CUTLERY. Jobbing of all kinds done in the best manner. Grlndingof Tailor Shears and Scissors a specialty. Razors Ground and Put In Order. Trusses and Supporters in groat variety. FOB THE BEST HARNESS, SADDLES, BKIOLKS, COLLARS, ROBES, BLANKETS, &c., —GOTO— John T. Kauffman’s, No. 132 N. Gay St„ Baltimore. THE BEST WORK AT LOWEST PRICES. A FULL STOCK ALWAYS ON HAND. TRUNKS, SATCHELS, VALISES, Ae. dec? JOHN F. PLUMMErT Watchmaker and Jeweler, No. 130 North Gay Street, BALTIMORE. Fine Jewelry of the Latest Styles, Watches and Clocks of a great variety of styles, at all prices, and warranted t keep correct time, SILVER AND PLATED WARE, of the newest designs, SPECTACLES* KITE GLASSES Suited to all eyes. HAIR JEWELRY made to order in the most shlonable stylos. Watches and Jewelry REPAIRED at tho shortest notice, and warranted to give satls f notion ■ WALL PAPER. WALL PAPES. Window Shades, Window Shades. FLOOR AND TABLE OILCLOTH. No. 39 North Gay Street, opposite to Odd Follows' Hall, BALTIMORE. Md. J ACOB~M YE RS, THE OLD AND RELIABLE Wall Paper and Window Shade Store OF BALTIMORE CITY. Now prepared to show his spring styles of Wall Paper, and send samples to any part of tho coun try when application la mado to him. Will send tho best workmen to put uptho same when want ed. Will sell Wall Paper and Window Shades at factory prices. Call on or send to him and see bis beautiful linos. JACOB MYERN, No. 39 N. tiny street. tar-Has no branch bouse, or any connection with any other house In the olty. Free tickets by Omnibus given to Customers to returu to M. C. Depot. Dngdale & Emmart, Commission Merchants —IN— Country Mel Camel Cools, 19 S. Gay St, Baltimore, Mil. MAKE LIUBRAL CASH ADVANCES, FURNISH Cans, Cases, Labels & Solder GUARANTEE ALL SALES. * . a/s ; to Merchant*’ National Bank, Balti more, and Manufacturers’ National Bank, Balti more. . GKO. W. EVANS, Agent, Haply Aberdeen, Ifarford Go., Md. 8. M. RANKIN. K. J. KANE. RANKIN & KANE WHOLESALE AND KETAJL GEO GEES. AND DEALERS IN Flour, Feed & Fertilizers, Corner Gay and High Streets, BALTIMORE, Md. &r~K full lino of Choice Family Grocerlep, Te m, Wlnez. Liquors, Ac., at Loweat I’rloe*. Par ticular attention paid to order, by Mary landCon tral railroad. Order, by mall from responsi ble partio, promptly attended ta. 21dJ0ly ite ISgfe and Sufelltgnicro (s<ty §>tvcct (Column. IF YOU WANT -THE ■ Very Best Gook Stove in the World Buy “THE BLOCK COOK.” It has more Improvements and good qualities than any stove ever invented. To mention all its features would fill a whole page of this paper, and as I make only a very small profit on them I must economize, so in order to know what it fs it will be best for you to call and examine It, or bet ter still to semi for one, andyou won’t regret It, if you want the most perfect baker ever made. For sale by WM. J.H. CLUCK, 06, 98 AND 100, NOKTII GAY STREET, Bet. tho Bridge and Eront St, Baho., Md., {STAND NOWHERE RLSE.tST Send for Descriptive Circular. 23ja WALL DECORAfIONS; W. H. 8, Fusselbaugh, of i. PLAIN AND ARTISTIC PAPEMAIGINGS AND WINDOW SHADES. No. 172 North Gay Street, BALTIMORE, Md. Order, by mall promptly attended to. 21decly E. SCOTT PAYNE & BRO. CARRIAGE and BUILDERS' HARDWARE. IPO N. GAY St, inn lUUwHITE FHONTIUU BALTIMORE. We Invite the attention of our friends and tho public wanting to purchase, to our largo and carefully selected stock of BUILDERS' HARDWARE, CUTLERY, KDtiE TOOLS. BLACKSMITHS’ AND WAGON MAKERS’ SUPPLIES AND TOOLS, SPRINGS AND AXLES, Steel Tire. Iron and Steel, Carriage Bolts, Enam eled Canvass, and a full line of Carriage Hardware and Trimmings. ofeb “EXCELSIOR”” Boot and Shoe Go., WO. 217 W. GAY STREET, Four Doors below the Market, Baltimore. Md., —OFFER— GREAT INDUCEMENTS IN BOOTS, SHOES AND RUBBERS, From Now Until January Ist, 1885. This is do Humbug. We mean Business. Call and see us. Wo are determined to please you, and sell you what you need. Special induce ments to country buyers. 28nov Dr. Richard Sappington, No. 132 North Gay St., Between Front and High Street., BALTIMORE, Md. DAYS FOR OFFICE CONSULTATION l Monday from 9 A. M. to 10 P. M. Tuesday from 9 A. M. to 10 P. M. •Wednesday from 9 A. M. to 3 P. M. Thursday from 9 A. M. to 9.30 P. M. Friday from 9 A. M. to 10 P. M. Saturday from 9 A. M. to 10 P. M. •Sunday from 10 A. M. to I P. M. &T Absent on tho First Sunday of each mont decglh (Commission 3slcvchants. WM. H. MICHAEL & SONS, COMMISSION MERCHANTS FOR THE SALE OF GRAIN, FLOUE, SEEDS BALED HAY AND STRAW, OTAND COUNTRY PRODUCE, No. 91 McELDEKRY’H WHARF, BALTIMORE, Md. Brands of Flour always on hand.— Mill Feed, Corn Meal, Chop, clover and Timothy Seed for sale. Agents for the sale of Kirwan & Tyler’s Hand-Made Cans AND AGENTS FOR Hubbard’s CHESTERTOWN PHOSPHATES. We have reduced commissions on Grain re ceived by Kail and Steamboat to same rate as vessel grain, viz., 1 cent per bushel. our firm from this date. WM. H. MICHAEL & SONS. Jan, Ut, 1886. Gjanlra* SEEDS BOUGHT CANS. roH cases, FARMERS SOLDER, AN ” LABELS, See. Packers. |3f Consignments of GRAIN AND CANNED GOODS handled to best advantage by Ciesey BROKER & COMMISSION OFFICE, Chamber of Commerce Building, ROOM 27, BALTIMORE, Md. [Member of the Baltimore Com and Flour Ex change. First-class references furnished upon application.! 32fobly GEO. K. MoGAW, —GENERA Lr- I Commission Merchant, —AND— Wholesale & Retail Grocer, N. W. Cor. Lexington A- Pacn H1.., BALTIMORE, Md. , Makes a specialty of OOTOTEY PACKED CANNED GOODS. CANS, CASES AND CANNEKB’ SUPPLIES. solicited. Advances mado. SALES GUARANTEED. - Reference.—Franklin Rank, Baltimore; Peo - pie’s Bank, Baltimore: Harford National Bank. Bkel Air. 30myly W. SMITHSON FORWOOD, !MI. O- DEPOT, BEL AIK, d. J <3- IR IST El R AL , Commission Merchant for the salo of G-rain, Baled Hay, 3 and all kinds of I COUNTRY PRODUCE. [ 1 Cirwill pay the Highest Cash Prices for any : of the above named articles, or sell the same on r commission. The beet market prices obtained for consignments and liberal advances made on them, when desired. Prompt returns and full statements made- IWPURK ANIMAL BONE, S. C. BONE and all other Standard Fertilizers for salo at the lowest Cash Prices, trade or time. au3 ’ B. F. Minnick. Edward Pehbv. Minnick & Ferry, COMMISSION MERCHANTS, AND DEALERS IN— , Lumber. Coal, Fertilizers, Grain and Farm Implements. WAREHOUSE ON Main St., Opposite M. C. Depot, BIEL AIB, MD. larLUMBEH of all kinds. SASH, DOORS and FRAMES, of Standard Sizes, CHESTNUT PENCE POSTS. COAL, CORN, OATS, MILL PEED, HAY, Ac., by the quantity or retail.— COARSE, FINE and HOCK SALT, KAINIT, PLASTER, and all the other loading Fertilizers always on hand and for salo on easy terms NAI LSbv the keg. Twohundred bushels PRIME SEED OATS. 7mh WE ASK ALL INTERESTED —IN— Hides, Furs, fool, Rools, Fealtos, BEESWAX, BUTTER, CHEESE, EGGS, DRIED FRUIT, POULTRY, HAY AND PRODUCE GENERAL, To send for our Price Currents. Prompt returns on all Consignments. Trial shipments solicited. R. L. WILLIAMS & Co., General Commission Merchants, Office, 169 'Williain Street, NEW YORK. octlO WM. D. BARTLESON. M. B. AMBLER. Bartleson & Ambler, Commission Merchants, AND DEALERS IN Grain and Other Produce, DRESHKD lIOUS. POULTRY, BUTTER, and EGGS, Specialties. Solicited and Prompt Re turns Made. No. 131 Franklin St., near Eutaw, BALTIMORE, Md. References by Permission.—Ts. H. Webster, Collector: E. G. Hlpsley, President Old Town Bank; Hon. 8. Archer, Bel Air; P. T. George & Co., Baltimore; W. H Waters, President Mary land Central Railroad; Darlington Hoopes Sons, Hickory. dec2l janney & Andrews; 119, 121 and 123 Market Street, and 112 Church St., PHILADELPHIA, Commission Merchants FOR THE SALE OF Canned Goods AND Evaporated Fruits. Liberal advances mado on consignments. Stor age Capacity for 100,000 Cases. Represented by JOHN A. OSBORN, Sseply BOOTH BY HILL, HP. J. Q. Allewalt & Co. COMMISSION MERCHANTS, No. 62 NORTH St., ISA I/Tl MORE, IK<I FORTHE SALE OF : Grain, Fleur, flay, Straw, Seeds, AND ALL KINDS OF PRODUCE. 1 We keep constantly on hand and will furnish at lowest market price, FLOUR, MILL FEED and SEEDS of all kinds. Wo have tho best facilities for receiving Grain and Produce from tho Mary 1 land Central, (Balto. and Delta K. H.,)and wll endeavor to give perfect satisfaction to all whe will favor us with consignments or orders. We refer to Messrs. Henry Kockord & Pons, Messrs. Wm. H. Waters and Win. M. Edelln, of . Harford county, Q. D. Klinefelter, of Hanover Pa.. Messrs. P. A. A S. Small, of York, Pa., and J. 8. Norris, President of the First National Bank of Baltimore. SOoctly URIAH JOHNSON, OF HARFORD CO., Commission Merchant, i PACKER AND DEALER IN CANNED GOODS 204 N. CAY STREET, ( Near Bel Air Market. 18oct BALTIMORE^MD. C. R. SCARFF & C 0.,” I Commission Merchants, FOR THE BALE OF CANNED GOODS, ’ GRAIN, FLOUR, NEEDS, BALED HAY, (STRAW, HUNK and GENERAL PRODUCE. IWReceived by tho Northern Central, the Ma ’ ryland Central or the P., W. and B. Railroads.— 3 Special attention given to consignments from Harford and Baltimore counties. Office N. E. Corner Exchange Place and Holliday si., ilaltimore. Usoply ESTABLISHED .... issn. i GEO. W. MYERS Sc Co., WHOLESALE PRODUCE , Commission Merchants, IB— BUTTER, EGGS. CHEESE, POULTRY AND GAME, I. 223 WEST TRAIT ST„ BALTIMORE. make a specialty of Dressed Poultry and Game In season, and have every facility for ’• handling this class of perishable goods to very best advantage. We have a special trade' for Harford county dressed poultry, and can place >- such at top market prices, and wo guarantee t, promptness excelled by none. Write for Price Current, Tags, Ac. lOoctSm BEL AIR, MD., FRIDAY MORNING, FEBRUARY B, 1885. 178. NORTH GAY STREET 178. Samuel S. Ely’s BOOTS! BOOTS! BOOTS! Closing out our Winter Stock at greatly re duced prices. Now is the time to buy. LA DIRS’ BOOTS AND SHOES at all prices. Heavy Boots reduced to $2.00; Men’s Fine Calf Boots reduced to $3 50; my own make of Gents’ Shoes and Gaiters reduced to $2 50. Every pair W arrantod. A new pair given for every pair that does not turn out as represented at S- ELT’S, 178 N. GAY NTHEKT, BALTIMORE. Md. MARTIN <£ Go. No. S 3 S. FREDERICK St., Baltimore, Commission Merchants FOR THE SALE OP Grain, Hay and all Country Produce. DEALERS IN Crain, Feed and Field Seeds. myßo A. M. Hancock, PACKERS’ AGENT AND DEALER IN ( C asiaed Goods CHURCHVILLE. Md. •Sole A Kent for the Jones’ Capping Machine, and tho BEST OUTSIDE SOLDERED CANS Ever offered in the county. Sold on tho most reasonable terras. Labels Furnished at Lowest Prices |3ff”Orders always 1h hand for futures and spot goods. Cash Advances Made to Canners. 3u20 R. Courtney & Bro. Cor. Charles St. & North Ave. and Charles & Fayette Sts,, BALTIMORE, Md. FAMILY GROCERIES, —IMPORTERS— Wines, Brandies, Liquors Flue Teas and Choice Groceries. f3f“Gooda carefully packed and delivered free of charge at any of the Railroad Depots or Steam boats. Being only one square from the Union and Central H. 11. Depots, persons shopping will find it convenient to have their packages sent to our care. julß NOTICE TOJARMERS I CONSIGNMENTS OF Pork & Poultry respectfully solicited. |2f HIGHEST PRICESOBTAINEDund prompt returns made by BAY & GETTY, 39 and 41 SOUTH FItEDEKIt'K ST., BALTIMORE, Md. nov!4 R. N. HANNA & Co. —GENERAL PRODUCE— Commission Merchants, 186 West Pratt Street, Between Light and UlmrleN Street*, BALTIMORE, Md. RxFKnKNCKa.—CoI, E. H. Webster, Collector of Port of Ilaltimore; Geo. K. McGaw A Co., Gro cers, Baltimore, Md.; Hon. Stevenson Archer, Bel Air, Md.: Daniel O. Emory, Washington Life Insurance Co., Baltimore Md. 27J0 HARRY BATEMAN & Co., Successors to J.M. rIERHMAN, MAIN STREET, BEL AIR Having refitted the above named store, wo re spectfully solicit the patronage of the neighbor hood, being determined to keep a good assort ment of the best goods, and sell themat fair prices, such as Choice Family Groceries, PROVISIONS, BACON, FISH, SALT, POTATOES, FUESH VEGETABLES in season, Confectionery, Cakes, Florida and other Oranges, Bananosand Domestic Fruits In season. The best brands of Flour, Including tho unri valled OumbrlU’s Superlative Family, by the sack or barrel; Com Meal, Mill Feed, Corn, Oats , Ac. JOHN P. FLOWERS, BOOT & SHOE MAKER BEL AIE, Office Street In the House formerly Occupied by Ben. Wann. I v||! Having removed from Chnrchvllle to rVt tho above place I respectfully solicit pa * being determined to give satis faction, The boat hand-made work.— Men’s Fine Boots and Shoes a specialty. Repair ing neatly and promptly done. Prices moderate SETTLED r That Grover Cleveland is to be tho next President and that 100,000 office holders will surrender r their positions to the party coming into power. > Full Information how to proceed to obtain an i office or position in Government employ. Sent > post-paid on receipt of 28 cents. 19dec4t WADBftGO., AUGUSTA, MB. Good Boots! Good Shoes ! —AT— ELY’S OLD STAND, No. 170 N. Gay Street, 1 Corner Exeter Street, I! \LTIMOHE, Md. Gents’ Heavy Boots, Gents’ Fine Boots, Gents’ Heavy Shoes, Gents’ Fine Shoes, Boys’ Heavy Boots, Boys’ Fine Boots, Youths’ Heavy Boots, Youths’ Fine Boots. LAIUEN’ HEAVY KIITTWSEI) AND EACED SHOES, LADIES' 1,1 OUT IIUTTONED AND LAVED SHOES. BfCnll unit see my MEN’S HAND-MADE HEAVY BOOT, all Kip Leather, back and front, which I sell for $3.50, and guarantee them equal to any $5.00 boot In the market. Also MISSES’ AND CHILDREN'S BUTTONED AND LACED SHOES of all kinds. A complete supply of GUM AND ARCTIC BOOTS AND SHOES in all stylos. These goods have been manufactured and selected with great care, and every article sold will bo warranted ns represent ed. J. BENJ. ELY SnoecNHOr o HAH LON . ELY. 170 N. Gay St., Corner Exeter, BALTIMORE. Md. aplS LtM. FASHIONABLE CARPETINGS. I. & M. I. & M. WHOLESALE AND RETAIL. I- k M ' LOW PllH ES ! LOW 1> 11 IVES I I.&M. "mIMWOLD&MEHRING, I. & M. 320 aii<l 32 H W . Haiti more St., I. & M. ’ I. & M. Cor. Howard, and 3 N. Howard Street. I. & M. I.&M. New, Choice, Handsome Patterns in L & M. imported and DOMESTIC CAR- L& M. PETJNGS, CORTICINB, &c. I.&M. I.&M. Our Five Double Floors are heavily I. & M. stocked with the I& M- LARGEST AND BEST VARIETY I. & M. r g. embracing every description of FLOOR COVERING, from the hlßhost to the I & M lowest standard, all of wnteh have been ' ' selected will! great care, and will be sold I. & M. at i. & m. EXTREMELY LOW PRICES. I. &M. {37”An examination Solicited. I. & M. ;j2 & as \V. lUltimohe,con. Howard I. & M. and No. 2 North Howard St. OUR SEMI-ANNUAL Mark Down AND DISCOUNT SALE OF FINE CLOTHING, For MEN, BOYS & CHILDREN. This sale eclipses anything ever seen in Balti more or elsewhere. Discount from 10 to 50 por cent. Goods sold at and below cost of manufacture. Every garment new and elegant, our own and this season’s make. Wo make these reductions because wo need the money. |3f“our guarantee goes with every sale. If not satisfied with your purchase, come back and got your money. -THE— FINEST CLOTHING, 209 W. Baltimore St. BALTIMORE. PiStei 111 i 111 i i BEST TONIC. ? This medicine, combining Iron with puro vegetable tonics, quickly and conijiletely (’uri'H I).vhih‘pnlii, IndiKCMlion* Wchuucmn, Impure Blood, .>lulariu,l lilllMmi cl Feverm, and Neuralgia. It is an unfailing remedy for Diseases of the Kidneys and Liver. It Is invaluable for Diseases peculiar to Women, and all who lead sedentary lives. It docs not injure the teeth, cause hcadache.or produce constipation— other Iron medicine* do. It enriches and purifies the blood, stimulates the appetite, aids the assimilation of food, re lieves Heartburn and Belching, and strength ens the muscles and nerves. For Intermittent Fevers, Lassitude, Lack of Energy, Ac., it bos no equal. The Pennine has above trade mark and crossed rea lines on wrapper. Take no other. ■*l<ljrb7 DROWN CHEMICAL CO.. BALTIMORE, MD. C. W. BAKER. W. E. M ROAN. BAKER & MORGAN, CANNED GOODS BROKERS ABERDEEN, Md. —manufacturers' aoenth fob— Fruit and Vegetable Cans. ALSO AGENTS FOB THE FOLLOWING High Grade Fertilizers: STAR BONE PHOSPHATE, SHARPLESS & CARPENTER'S PHOSPHATE. HUBBARD’S PHOSPHATE, PACIFIC GUANO, i R. J. BAKER & Co’S BONE, And other Leading Brands of Fertilizers, febl D I YOKE EH.—ABSOLUTE DIVOUCEB FOR persons residing throughout the United States and Canada for desertion, non-support, in i temperance, cruelty, Incompatibility, etc. Ad i vice free. State your case and address Attor ney Ward, World Building, lUO7 Broadway, New York. lljulv IB PUBLISHED EVERT FRIDAY BY IF - W . BAKEB. Terms—Sl.so a Year, In Advance. Transient Advertisements. —-One Square, 3 insertions or less $1.50. Each subsequent insertion, 25 cents Longer advertisements in the same pro portion. A space equal to six lines makesasqua. *e. Figure-work double price. [Obituaries and Personal Communications will be inserted at ten cents per line.] Yearly advertisements at special rates. poetical. WEBSTER. The moss upon thy memory ! No Not while one note Is rung Of those divine. Immortal songs Milton and Shakspeare sung; Not till the night of years enshrouds The Anglo Haxon tongue. No! lot the flood of time roll on And men and empires die, Genius, enthroned on lofty heights Can its dread course defy. And hereon earth can claim the gift Of immortality. Can save from that Lethean tide. That sweeps so dark along, A people’s name, a people’s fame To future time prolong. As Troy still lives, and only lives In Homer’s deathless song. What though to buried Nineveh The traveler may come. And roll away the stone that hides That long forgotten tomb! He questions Its muto past in vain ; Its oracles are dumb. What though he stand where Balbcc stood Olgantlc In its pride I No voice comes o’er that silent waste. Lone, desolate, and wide; They had no bard, no orator. No statesman—and they died. They lived their little span of life. They lived and died in vain, They sank ingloriously beneath Oblivion’s silent reign. As sank beneath the Dead Sea wave The cities of the plain. But for those famed immortal lands, Greece and Imperial Home, Where Genius left its shining mark And found its chosen home. All eloquent with mind they speak, Wood, wave and crumbling dome. The honeyed words of Plato still Float on the echoing air. The thunders of Demosthenes yEgean waters bear. And the pilgrim to the Forum hears The volco of Tully there. And thus thy memory shall live. And thus thy fame resound. While tar-off future ages roll Their solemn cycle round. And make this wide, this fair, new world An ancient classic ground. Then with our country’s gloiious name, Thine own shall bo entwined; Within the senate’s pillared hall Thine image shall be shrined, And on the nations low shall gleam Light from thy giant mind. Our proudest monuments no more May rise to meet the sky; The stately Capitol o’erthrown Low in the dust may lio; But mind, sublime above the wreck, Immortal—cannot die. —Annie C, Lynch . IXXiscclUiucmts. LETTUK FROM UALTINOKE. lloilkc—Podge. As so many county people take either a daily or weekly Baltimore paper, it would hardly be possible to send you a very newsy letter from here, but sometime a hash of the scraps left is quite a good dish, if well sea soned. Just now the city is in a pot-pourri coudiliou of slush, snow, parties, weddings, lectures and cooking schools, mixed up with Bell robberies, dynamite and earthquakes, and we can only hope to escape being blown up or shaken down, for from present threatening appearances we are sure to be married or cooked. Some of my companions are talk ing seriously of going West to escape conta gion, hut I never was afraid of “taking” things and am going to slay at home and watch the march of improvement. No doubt you have read all about the cooking school which has been established in the western section of the city, by some kind gentlemen, and I need not expatiate upon it, except to express our thanks to them for their be nevolence in trying to educate our prospec tive wives, so that we poor Benedicts need not die of dyspepsia or starvation itself, as I am sure weshoulddo if left to the tender mer cies of the majority of girlsofthe period. That is one reason why we do not get married, be cause if our wives could cook and our Irish servants take to blowing us up with dynamite, if we blow them up for any of their small misdemeanors, where should we be? Depend upon it if it were known that the Coras and Carries could "with their dainty fingers dash off a creamy omelet, scientific croqueltet, delicious salads, marvelous sauces, and the hundred and one dishes so necessary for the comfort of a husband and his friends, the number of weddings would increase mar velously.” 1 copied Hint sentence from my mother’s favorite cook-book and 1 think it is very pretty, don’t you V A little daucing, a little playing, a little china painting, a little embroidery, a great deal of dressing all put together make a mighty nice girl, but for the life of me I can not see that any oue of those accomplishments is very necessary for a wife. Give me the girl who can darn stockings, sew on buttons, cook a good dinner if necessary, with com mon sense and intelligence, and I will be sat isfied if she cannot shine at a “German" or absorb all the Johns liupkius lectures. Did your readers all see the recipe for cook ing a husband in Saturday's ifun? If not they ought to read it and I send you a copy of it. “Cooking husbands so as to make them tender and good." It is as follows : "A good many husbands are utterly spoiled by mismauagement. Some women go about it us if their husbands were bladders, and blow them up. Others keep them constantly in hot water; others let them freeze by their carelessness and indifference. Some keep them in pickle all their lives- It cannot he supposed that any husband will be tender and good managed in this way, but they are really delicious when properly treated. lu select ing your husband you should not be guided by the silvery appearance, as in buying mackerel, nor by the golden lint, as if you wanted salmon. Be sure to select him your self, as tastes differ. Do not go to market for him, as the best are always brought to your door. It is far belter to have none un less you will patiently learn how to cook him, A preserving kettle of the finest porcelain is best, but if you have nothing but an earthen ware pipkin, it will do with care. See that the linen in which you wrap him is nicely washed and mended with the required num ber of buttons and strings tightly sewed on. Tie him in the kettle by a strong silk cord called comfort, as the one called duty is apt to be weak. They are apt to fly out of the kettle and be burned and crusty on the edges, since, like crabs and lobsters, you have to cook them while alive. Make a clear steady fire out of love, neatness and cheerfulness. Set him ns near this as seems to agree with him. If lie sputters and fizzes, do not be anx ious, some husbands do this till they are quite done. Add a little sugar in the form of what confectioners call kisses; put no vinegar or pepper on any account. A little spice im proves them, but it must be used witli judg ment. Do not stick any sharp instrument into him to sec if ho is becoming tender. Stir him gently, wate'-ing the while lest he lie too flat and close to the kettle and so become useless. You cannot fail to know when he is done. If thus treated you will find him very digestible, agreeing nicely with you and the children, and he will keep as long as you want, unless you become careless and set him in too cold a place.” I will finish this Hodge Podge of mine by giving you, very bashfully and blushingly, a few ot my own Ideas about cooking a' wife, and if I make a mess ot it you must excuse me, as, like many of the authors of cook books, 1 have never tried any of my receipts yet, but lam anxiously lookiug around fur some one to practise them on. Unlike the directions for getting a husband, you should go out and hunt for a wife and not lake those that come to your door. The best are rather backward and after you have found one to suit you, she must be cultivated with great attention for some time, before you can secure her, for of all thiugs you must not buy her! “Get trusted,” steal her, run away with her in preference. Now to cook her. Wives must nearly always be confided to totally inexperienced male cooks and the poor unfortunates are often stewed, pickled, hashed, mashed, frosted, iced, deviled and fi nally canned, before the stupid cook learns exactly the best way of treating them. Hap py is she who falls into experienced hands, as occasionally happens. Now wives arc such wonderful things, that they may be cooked in various ways according to their disposi tions. Some are always "game” as ducks, deer, geese (1) and reed-birds, and must be shot with one of Cupid’s arrows. They are rare and served more tender if served with cur rency jelly and rich dressing, except the reed birds, which require only plain dressing and must not be served with “spoons" or they will fly. Never serve any of these with caper sauce or they will put you in a pickle. Some men prefer mint sauce with any kind of wife be she a lamb or an oyster but it is too rich for my taste. The less sauce about them the better for my taste, unless it be a very little “sauce piquante.” She cau be a delicious tongue sandwich but be very careful about the quntity of tongue, too much is ruinous. Some are good cook ies, and more can be used for scraps. Of course she is well bred, sweet bread and good for “pap,” but after all I think the best way of cooking any kind of a wife, except a very tough one, is to preserve her, and this is how I am going to do mine—when I get her. 1 shall preserve her whole in the nicest, prettiest kettle that I can afford, and noteat her up with the knife of criticism, although I shall have to pare her I suppose. I shall not keep “hauling her over the coals," but cook her by the steady heat of affec tion in a very sweet syrup of love, tenderness, consideration, patience and comfort, often throwing in kisses and “taffy” to prevent her becoming too candied and unlike other pre serves. I think thyme will improve her, for me at least. If she gels too sweet (she won’t though !) I will mix in a few sour looks and spicy remarks, but not too many, for then she will he sweet pickles, of which I am very fond of too, but I prefer preserves for con stancy. If, after reading these few receipts of mine, any of your young lady readers would like to employ me as cook they can drop a line to that effect to, Juventus. -■ - A Husband’s Trick. “You see Martha got in thehabit of silting up for me at an early age, and she can’t break it off. I couldn’t persuade her to go to bed and mind her own business, so I studied on the matter. We live in one of the centre houses of a block of five-story-and-attic build ings. There’s scuttles in the roofs of all of them, and I persuaded Mr. Greenup, who lives in the adjoining house, to let me in his house about 1 o’clock last night, and I went up through his scuttle and over to mine, and so down into our bed-room. I could see Martha from the head of the stairs, sitting in the front room eyeing the clock with a look that was a very tart chromo. But I undress ed and quietly got in bed, and there I lay waiting developments. Every now and then I’d hear Martha give a short, fidgetty cough. Then I’d hear her get up and prance around the room a little, and by and by go to the window and slam the shutters. After I’d lain there ’bout an hour I heard her get up and go stand out on the front steps lor a good five minutes. Then she came in and slammed the door and locked it and com menced coming up stairs. Every other step she’d say: ‘Oh, the wretch won’t I give it him 1 I know where he is! 1 know where he is! He needn’t think to deceive me 1’ ’Bout the time she had nearly got to the landing I think she must have seen the light stream ing out of the door I'd left open. I could hear her stop, and then I commenced to snore. I was afraid to look, you know, but 1 could hear her cautiously come up to the door and look in. Well, sir, I'd have given my peusion from the war of 177 G to have seen her about the lime she saw it was me. I’ll bet it was fun. But 1 was afraid to do anything but snore. Then she came into the room, I knew by the way she breathed and stood around. I had to nearly bile my tongue off to keep a straight face on me. I could feel that she sat down in a chair and was dumbfounded. I never let on but kept on snoring like thunder ; but when she kick ed over a chair I turned and pretended to wake up, kind of dazed like, and says; ‘Why, Martha dear, ain't you come to bed yeti" “ ‘Jarphly,’ said she awful slow and solemn like, ‘when did you come in ?’ "Why, must bo four or five hours ago. Don’t you remember when I told you not to go to sleep again in the rocker, but to come to bed?’ and I turned over and professed to go to sleep again.’’ “She never made any reply, but acted in a dazed, bewildered sort of way, and when she got to bed I could tell she didn’t sleep a wink for three hours. "This morning it was fun to watch Martha, I could hardly keep a straight face. At the breakfast table, and all the time 1 was about the house, she’d eye me when she thought I wasn’t looking; then, when I’d notice her, she’d turn away and be awfully busy at some thing. She caught me kind of grinning once, and, by George, I thought the explosion was about to come. But it didn’t, though the took of blank, unfathomable suspicion she wore on her face all the lime was the great est show on earth. It nearly broke me up, and I’ve laughed till my ribs ache ever since. I know it won’t last. I know there’s a day of repenting a coming, and the thermometer is going up clear out of sight in the Jarphly family. But who’s goiug after trouble? It’ll come soon enough without hunting it, and I’m goiug to enjoy that scuttle in the roof until the explosion comes." Never too Late to Learn. Socrates, at au extreme old age, learned to play on musical instruments. Cato, at eighty years of age, began to study the Greek language. Plutarch, when between seventy and eighty, commenced to study Latin. Boccacio was thirty years of age when he commenced his studies in light literature; yet he became one of the greatest masters of the Tuscan dialect, Dante and Plutarch being the other two. Sir Henry Spellman neglected the sciences in his youth, but commenced the study of them when he was between fifty and sixty years of age. After this time he became a most learned antiquarian and lawyer. Dr. Johnson applied himself to the Dutch language but a few years before his death. Ludovico Mondaldesco, at the great age of 115 years, wrote the memoirs of his own times. Ogilby, the translator of Homer and Vir gil, was unacquainted with Latin and Greek, till he was past fifty. Franklin did not commence his philos ophical results till he reached his fiftieth year. Dryden, in his sixty-eighth year, commenc ed the translation ol the Hineid, his most pleasing production. Thousands of examples of men who com menced a new study either for a livelihood or amusement, at an advanced age, could be cited, but every one familiar with the bio graphy of distinguished men will recollect individual cases enough to convince him that none but the sick and idolcut will ever say, “I am too old to learn.” —“The most agreeable companion,” says Lessing, “is a simple, Irank man without any high pretensions to an oppressive greatness, one who loves life and understands the use of It, obliging alike at all hours; above all, of a f olden temper, and steadfast ns an anchor, 'or such an one wo gladly exchange the greatest genius, the most brilliant wit. YOL. XXX—NO. 6. I VARIETIES. B —Plutarch; To do an evil action is base ; to do a good one without incurring danger is II common enough ; but is is the part of a good L ‘ man to do great and noble deeds, though he risks everything, k —“Something happened to me yesterday that will never happen to me again it I „ live to be a thousand years old,” remarked I Gilhooly to Qua De Smith, “What's that ?” p “I was forty years old.” s —First passenger to fellow-traveller—“You i- came from Leipsic. Anything new in that s quarter ?” Second ditto—“ Napoleon lost a h great battle there in 1813. There has noth d ing happened since then.” I- —“Look here. This piece of meat don't J suit me. It’s from the back of the animals II neck,” said a man to a German butcher.— e “Mine frien’, all dot beef vat I sell is back of ■- dot neck. Dcre was nodding but horns in I - front of dot neck.” —A Bedford avenue lady whose avoirdu ' pois is something like eighty-six pounds, r wants to know how to get fat. Well, Miss , Midget, most any butcher could accommo “ dale you, or you might sent a card to the B oleomargarine factory. —A drunken Irishman fell down a second story flight of stairs and landed bruised and t battered at the top of the first flight. Look , ing down the stairs in drunken astonish ’ menthesaid; "Be jabbers, I believe that’s the first (hie) toime that a mon iver fell up a j floight of stairs.” t —Smith (to a young physician hurrying i along the street)—"What’s yourhaste.doc i tor, somebody hurt ?” [ Young physician—“ Yes, Jones has just 3 broken his arm, and lamon my way to set 1 it.” , Smith—“ You don’t say so 1 Jones broken . au arm, and you on your way to set it I > Poor Jones 1 I feel sorry for him.” —“The world is full of deceit,” said old , Mr. Squaggs, “and wimmin is mostly at the i bottom of it." "I know it,” said old Mrs. r Squaggs; it is after a man gets a wife that be - begins to practice deceit. If he hadn’t a wife r he wouldn’t need to lie so much about where t he spends his evenings. You are perfectly 1 right. It’s the women that cause the deceit.” i Old Mis. Squaggs became very thoughtful. r —ln Northern Siberia, if a young native ■ desires to marry, he goes to the father of the girl of his choice and a price is agreed upon, ; half of which is then paid down. The pros ' pective son-in-law at once takes up his ! residence with the family of his lady-love, and resides with them a year. If, at the end of the year, he still desires to marry the girl, he can pay the other half and they are mar . ried on the next visit of the priest. If he • does not want to marry he need not, and sim -1 ply loses the half he has paid at the start. i ■—• ♦ i An Incurable Patient. ’ A renowned physician one day received the visit of a stranger, well dressed and 1 choice in his language, but looking very 1 depressed. He complained that he was sub ' ject to an ailment against which all remedies proved powerless. 1 “How do you feel ?” inquired the doctor. "I feel very melancholy,” “Melancholy often arises from blighted ’ hopes.” “That is not my case,” answered the patient “From disappointment in love,” continu ed the doctor. The patient shook his head and adding,— “I am dreadfully dull and low spirited.” “In that case you should order the best 1 wine procurable, and use it in moderation.” “Doctor, 1 have the best wines in my cel lar ; they won’t avail against my complaint.” “Then you should travel.” “I have visited every country in Europe— -1 all in vain; this depression follows mo wher ever 1 go.” “Dlautre, is a very serious case. You must go and hear some good music. “I hear it every day; it makes no differ ence ; and my complaint grows worse at night. “Then, there is only one remedy I can think of. You must go to the theatre and hear the famous singer Velutti, whoso rollick ing fun and humor are irresistible.” “Alas!” said the poor patient, “I am Velutti!” Beauty of Good Manners. Manners are the garments, of the spirit, the eternal clothing of the being, in which character ultimates itself. If the character be simple and sincere, the manners will be at one with it—will be the natural out-birth of its traits and peculiarities. If it be com plex and self-seeking, the manners will be artificial, affected, or insincere. Some per sons make up, put on, take off, alter, or patch their manners to suit limes and seasons i with as much facility, and as little apparent i consciousness of duplicity, as if they were i treating their clothes in like fashion. The fine lady of this class may be polished to the , last degree, when arrayed, in silks and laces, ■ she glides over the rich carpets of the draw ing room—and yet with her servants at home she is possibly less the lady than they; or, worse still, the fine lady, married, per ; haps, to a fine gentleman of a character simi lar to her own, in the privacy of domestic life carries on a civil war with him, in which all restraint of courtesy is set aside. The best manners possible are the simple bringing down of the perfect law of charily into the i most external ultimates of social life. Until i character tends at all times and in all places i and towards all persons, to ultimate it self, in manners of thorough courtesy, it is not building itself upon a sure foundation.— This is the golden rule of true manners. To Become Good Housekeepers. Minneapolis Housekeeper. If you waul to be good housekeepers, girls, begin with your own room, and your own clothes. That is what your mother will pro bably tell you if you rush to her with sudden ly formed good intentions of relieving her of half her housekeeping. Arrange your bureau drawer, relieve your closet pegs of their bur -1 deu of garments not in use. But your whole room in clean and pleasant order, and learn to keep it thus. Find out by studying ;it is the best and easiest way of keeping all fresh and dainty about you. Have your own dust cloths and sponges for cleaning, a bottle of 1 sweet oil and turpentine, and a piece of flan i nel to restore the polish where dark wood f is spotted. When you have learned all this : so that it is easier to do it than let it alone, and no more trouble to you than to dress 1 yourself, then you have learned enough to ’ keep a whole house in clean order. Embarrassing. “I intended to tell Jane to bring a fresh bucket of water,” said the wife of Professor r Nottlehead, looking up from her sewing. “You doubtless mean a bucket of fresh water,” rejoined her husband. "I wish you , would pay some little attention to rhetoric. Your mistakes are embarrassing.” A few moments later, the professor said: “My dear, that picture would show to bet ter advantage if you were to hang it over the clock.” “Ah,” she replied “you doubtless mean if I were to hang it above the clock. If I were to hang it over the clock, we couldn’t tell what lime it is. 1 wish you would pay some little attention to rhetoric. Your mistakes ! are embarrassing.” A Moan Olal Oonornl Rnntod. Old “General Debility” has been put to flight in Arkansas, with happy results.— From Brinkley, from Webb City, and from Walnut Ridge, Messrs. P. U. Anderson, E. i M. Allen Taylor and F. S. Pinchbeck respect ■ ively, write that they were all afflicted with , general debility, and received solid benefit f from Brown’s Iron Bitters. This is pleasant i to know, not only for Arkansas people, but . for all sections of the country where General i Debility has counted victims by the thousand. For sale everywhere.