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The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, March 05, 1917, AFTERNOON, Image 8

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Persistent link: https://chroniclingamerica.loc.gov/lccn/sn83016689/1917-03-05/ed-1/seq-8/

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Hoping
t FTfito rnnr People Under
1. Qnr May Be Spared
Mbniaxion in Berlin that
|lot note to Mexico, intercepted by
' tfefe government, is fenume. comes hard
jP gg| M * blow to those of our country who
ES| boon hoping against the overt act
* ggt weak) plunge us into war.
* ft la undarstood that President Wilson
bas in mind the sinking of an American
gfcip with American lives, as the act on
Mm part of Germany conforming to the
notice that this country is not to be
gpgred ill the campaign of ruthless sid>-
MMurfoe warfare.
0«r pacifists took heart, therefore.
When the American steamer Orleans ar
rtod safely in France and reported hav- ]
Jhg passed through the danger rone with
oot Incident, and when the American
gtaamar Rochester passed safely through
4t* mm, also.
That part of the note which brings dis
toay to these oucifiats is the evidence that
seems determined to force a
war, which is evidence that those of our
•hipa which get by the submarines will do
ao^purely through good fortune.
Bafrwtfnl aa the case may be. it looks
Mha war for this country of ours with
nb ana **»iwy left to praise God for and
AmA if a war comes, that it was not of
Mr own making.
At which point, we may go back to the ,
Mia from Germany to Mexico and in it
Ipak for hope with which to replace the
Imp* it has crushed.
If that note signifies anything, it sigm
fhn that the position of Germany is den-
H II aigatflas the desperation of madness
M tha port of a country nearing the end
Iff fti tops, sod our renewed hope may be
hi the fact that the end of its rope
MM** the end of this war
;•ThM proposition made to Mexico for
ftipir rr- that a mad kaiser is
Ip hot conquered and about to be wak
fjpi hoi hia dream of world domination.
EjM Mm and part of it all is. the reel
tWou es this madness (the madness to
■Mpmflitariomhaa led) are the German
'HPKjXO* Mti reveals the determine
ijpiffha German government to follow
hi the neutral countries, the
ftdPpMtates included, with the action
qpMMhmad, in defiance of all law
Mir comas, then pH that could have
hsi dona, and Prsaident Wilson will be
"W h) leak out from the White House
mm opon his UNITED AMI KM A.
wi do lot contemplate an expedition
m dace — money and munitions are the
Mh the Allies need, rather than men,
Wp'hat it might reach that point.
pAhiihoaU that point be reached Mr.
■|§* if you am there in the thick of the
|py» oq wapt you to take notice of the
iMbw fighting at your aids we want you
Hliho Better of just how hard and how
Mpha pacifist can fight when there is no
fMger a chance for peace.
Mstkmal Education
Association Refuses,
Wisely, to Be Stampeded
!W« Are ftad that the National Educa
**»ociatioii which has been holding
[ ||| amt«al convention in Kansas City,
■wj* I'tjocted proposal for military train
'W§ in the elementary and high schools.
glfcst it is in favor of the same for j
"ten after 20 years is another mat
,Hpp and not to be at present.
y* o 21 are supposed to choose for
, tMßisclves and will do so according to
bum of mind received by early edu-
IpUtion or the pleasure of public opinion.
R-lßStary training in the public schools
inaure a militaristic country, such
f more completely than would
My ttfcer one thing imaginable.
1 aHe the youth of the land with
Ljpfr plastic, Impressionable minds. *!lov
Officer to come in and mold them
to army ethics and ideals, and
~ture to say that 95 per cent
L#lao«ie out thinking war the most
*mmkm thing In the world; the soldier
. tHEMfhSSt type of man and the coijrHf r e
A IK battlefield the only kind of coui
H^lShuts considering.
SW following in the footsteps of
llpilpltilitntal Europe as nearly as we can.
Srw our teographic;,! position w e may
&NPO them from their death-defving sys
mf* by refusing to succumb.
a fearful struggle which the
MtoU have passed thru.
have had to endure the taunts
||ll Militant ones, for pacifism is « new
■Hy tsOMid the light, and such steps
MtMMT, MABCH », IM7
have always been accompanied by mis
understanding and persecution.
We congratulate the N. E. A. for keep
ing its head above water and refusing
to be stampeded in this matter.
President Wilson Signs
a Greater Defense Measure
While the senate was in the throes of
articulation ovfir the bill authorising the
arming of American ships, the president
provided for a more sweeping and for
midable system of national defense by ]
affixing his signature to the measure that
banishes booze and boose advertising
from twenty-six states of the union.
Whisky is never neutral. Profeasing
friendship and service, it is mankind’s
historic foe; fiercely inimical to both in
dividual and national life.
No military preparation for defense
and no achievement of arms over an
European enemy could redound as defi
nitely to the credit of this country as the
overthrowing of the national curse and
abomination in a majority of the states.
The country' went into the war against
this ancient and treacherous power by
vote of the people. The people them
selves won the war. Not a president or
an ex-president or any political leader
sufficiently prominent to be nominated
for the presidency by either of the two
leading parties with the single exception
of the Hon. William J. Bryan, had the
temerity to lead the onslaught upon the
liquor power.
With reference to the severing of dip
somaniac relations with King Alcohol,
nearly all the metropolitan newspapers
of the country were pacifists at any price
—so long as it was in conformity with
advertising card rates.
They submitted to the injection of red
pigment into their blood and rallied to
the colors only when the last trench and
terrain were in the possession of the un
officered drys and it looked as if they
were going to be run over by the water
wagon.
The preparedness vouchsafed by con
gress and completed by the president’s
signature guarantees the nation’s maxi
mum of physical prowess in peace and
war. It rids twenty-six states, four
fifths of the national area, of the most
prolific source of industrial wastage,
economic loss and bodily impairment.
The chief glory of keeping the fires of
prohibition alive, until the cause flamed
up brilliantly and triumphantly in con
gress, belongs to the uncompromising j
Prohibitionists and the heroic Woman’s
Christian Temperance Union, who held to
the faith when it meant political exile, j
business sacrifices and ridicule and re
viling* to do so.
The national defense of which these
unrecanting crusaders were the prophets j
and founders, was aggressively further-1
ed by the Anti-Saloon I>eague with its i
emphasis upon organization, campaign j
adroitness and "expediency of righteous
ness.” |
And there is glory enough in the guar
antee of this higher preparedness for
all.
i from Another Point ot View
By C. T. S. |
Anyhow, those fellows who are raising
the price of potatoes are no amateurs.
• • •
EXTRA; EXTRAI
Man who killed hie wtfs In Detroit ia placed
promptly behind tH« bars.
A cittxen led him into a potica atatton.
a a a
Col. Roosevelt refuses to debate with
Bryan on the subject of “Preparedness.”
because, he says, preparedness is not de
batable. Then they might debate this
opinion of the Colonel, which would seem
to be.
• • *
“I had a tooth pulled last week,” said
our old friend Doc, well-known and poj>
ular chiropodist, ‘‘and unless I am greatly
mistaken, it's the only thing that has
been pulled in this town in a long time.
• • *
Hartford, CL, baa a bureau to capture eon-
I mentions.—New* item.
May we suggest something like that for
Detroit, to capture criminals.
REVERSE ENGLISH
I ‘"This la Room 212 speaking. Say. what kind
of service have you pot in this hotal, anyway?
I Hart I want to taka a bath and there's nothing
iup h«ra but hot water. Kindly change mo to a
1 room where I can take a good, edid bath, wilt
you?*
a a a
Phyllis wants to know how they ever
came to name his “Fighting Bob.”
a • •
A man in New Jersey who is seeking a
divorce, says his wwife threw a rice pud
ding into his hair. Wouldn't that make
a man red-headed ?
• o 0
Seems as if it always snows when a
I president is being nominated for his last
term. Rememlker, it did in Taft’s case ?
a a a
A Wisconsin married man asked a
judge to send him to prison. Anything,
we presume, to get his liberty.
DETROIT TIMES
What It Takes to Arouse Solicitude in Certain Families. —By Webster.
X t'n out mm bocmß-waa roast omT) *yu V amo i'R use T ANARUS« He**
tb a tuu* whsh ho ***** vou sr j ht'il yAv'Tb'sou *sA S*-*c»*«r«E
srert OATWV* CAnrv A4AIH. MT j MT R>cp As« you eoutveT
VMp rr wouu) Raiw* vou«- / A yeas unifii vtni Oaff rr
KMitioh am be ****** kha w ur let's mo w tme mcv.*i
OOTUfteT. ~ ) tb-N.GMT v**«AT VO SAP?*/
jwi ns C 1 Gra*r*o To Msir vesaega 1
V ■ /
u S minutk * LAteA- *
(Oserogto. »*»v. to * T warn>
9* Ad-Mirror
IF THE TIMES PRINTS IT. TBS TIMES BELIEVES IT.
THIS assart meet l« maintained far tha purpose of drawing tha *dver
ttoing faker In an “tha taryW and placing hie assertion;, end
premtoee under the fleae ed truth. It welcomes letters rotating
e apart one oe wfth advertiser* wharoht the eagle on tho dollar fails to
By homo "with a dollar's worth es goods.” tt pays proper recognition to
h onset advertiser*. It dees net spare dish a nest advertiser* who may ha
feund In Tho Timas, ft will print tha lettara which appear moot applicable
In preserving the integrity es advertising and prelecting the advertising
reader. Only signed totter*, giving the writer's name end address, will be
considered. The name wMI be printed or withhold as preferred. Address,
Ad-Mirror, The Times, Detroit, Mich.
When to e pearl not a pearl?
Any time you buy It for SO cants.
To be convinced you need only to patronise e lurid quarter-page adver
tisement appearing la the Detroit Nears of March 2 In the name of the
Maiceau Jewelry Shop#, No. 12S Woodward-eve.
"DOWN GOES THE PRICE!" screams the caption of tbs ad la box
ear lettara.
Aad farther down near the center of this sensational announcement to
e beautifully framed LIB.
It Is ee follows "Notwithstanding the fact that Merer*u scientific gems
ere the finest imitation stones made, end have a nation-wide reputation end
standard vales, they will not be excepted from this sale: thus Marceau
scientific diamonds, pearls, aneroids, rabies, sapphires, etc.. THAT LIT
ERALLY DEFY DETECTION FROM THE GENUINE, end whose original
brilliancy to guaranteed to last a lifetime, can now be bought for (0 cents
set In gold and gold-filled rings of all styles, lockets, pine end novelties
of ell sorts "
And then aa If this was not LIE enough, the following to printed in the
center of an 11 lustration of a string of pearl" beads
%2JO STRING MARCEAU PEARLS 90c.
"These pearls can be worn with positive safety frocn ANYONE being
able TO DETECT THEM FROM THE GENUINE They have all the life
end luster of the genuine costing several hundred dollars. *
"Also gold beads In all sites
In the first place, aa inspection of tho Marceau "gems" leaves plenty
of room to donbt that ALL of them ere "the finest Imitation stones made,"
as Is claimed in the firm's ad.
But that this particular string of ’pearls" Is proof against detection
from the genuine, as the ad alleges. Is a bare faced fabricstloo. was easily
end satisfactorily proved when it was compared with only a FAIR IMITA
TION of genuine pearls in a conservative Woodward eve Jewelry house.
"You can't duplicate them anywhere for 12." said the Marceau salsa
man almost guiltily as the Ad Mirror man handed blm 99 cents for the
beads.
This the Ad-Mirror man could not deny. Yon couldn’t duplicate them
anywhere for MORE than H cents
An expert la the Wood ward are. Jewelry bouse returned a prompt ver
dict as to their raloe ,
"Not worth more than 5# cents." he said
When compared with a string of lm flat loti pearls retelling at $4 they
appeared reflow and waxey. The 94 ’pearls." the expert said, were prac
tically the same quality aa Imitations he carried for $2 59
This was proof beyond any doubt that as defiers of detection from the
genuine, Marceau's ’“pearls” were a frost
But the expert went farther, aad selecting a string of GENUINE pearls
about the same slae as Marceau* "scientific" (whatever that la) pearls,
compared them •
There was aa much difference In the luster and brilliance of the two
iaa there was between the price tag of the genuine which read "92.500*’ and
that of Marceau's which rend "90 cents."
Every piece of Jewelry In the store regularly priced 91 60 to 95 90 to
incloded In this sale according to the ad.
If everything else Is as Inflated in regular value as these "scientific
beads" the buyers of phony gems and Jewelry are getting roundly at ting.
About tha only thing the Ad Mirror could find that did not defy detection
from the genuine Is the Marcean ad In the News.
The Keep Well
Column
EYCttOHT!
Byeelght it one of tbs moot
precious of aU human possessions
It Is estimated
about 100,000
blind persona In
uH 1
1 15,000.000 a year
to support tham.
Probably 71 per
cent of thia blindness Is due to two
causes, sore eyes at birth and nee
lac ted ayes during early school life
Accidents and careless habits In
later life causa most of tha remain
der.
Eye-strain leads to many ofher
disorders. Vertigo. Indigestion, In
somnia. headache, neuralgia and
similar complaints are often doe to
tha eyas. Ifoeh aye strain can bs
avoided by Just a little care
Among tha number of faulty read
tng or working habits that produce
ere strain are reading or working
In a dim or flickering light, espe
cially at the cloee of a day.
If you have to read while riding
on a train or in a street car do not
rest your hook or arm on any part
of the seat, but hold it In yonr
band or hands, so that It will move
with the body and not he going In
one way while the head and eyes
are swinging In another
Never read with a bright light
shining dtractly la yonr face, but try
to get It over one or the ofher
shoulder, or shining down over your
head
Try so hold your reading matter
at an angle so that the light reflect
ad from tha paper will not shine
dtreetly In your eyes
Never rub the eyes with unclean
bends or gloves. Many cases of
diseased eyes may be avoided by
simply following this common sense
rule.
Anniversaries
ITT*—Boston muMcr*. one of tl»
memorable events lead in* up to tbe
American revolution^
IT**—Andre B.nvwnu Roman, one
of Louisiana's famous Creole cover
sort. bora. Died la New Orleans Jan
a*. im«
llt> 0«b Zachary Taylor inaugu
rated presldeat of tne l» 1 1 *d States
IMl—Gideon Welles of Connecti
cut, was appointed secretary of the
navy.
IMS —Confederates under Oen. Van
Dorn defeated the Federal* la battle
of Sprint Hill. Tens
I*7l—First patent treated to Geo
WeitlnfhouM for ths auto airbrake
I*74—Nat C. Goodens made his first
state appearance at Howard's Ath
eaeum. Boston
1177—Rutherford & Hayes tnnngu.
rated presldeat of the United Staten f
11*3 —German parliament voted 1.-
10*.*** merits for Oermen Inters***
in Cast Africa and suppression of
the sieve trade.
ISM—The Japanese captured Neu
chant from the Chinese after s bat
tle of 1* bourn
I*** Frederick T. Greeabalte.
tovernor of Massachusetts, died la
<r>well. Maas. Bora In Eafland.
July I*. I*4*.
I**7—The Russian Duma was open
ed with revolutionary demonstrations
by the people of Ft. Fetorshurah.
I*l*—Fpsntah steamship Principe
dt Asturias foundered olf the coast
of Brasil with lose of 4S* llvaa
OtR TBA* *«» TODAY IN T*R
warn
French repsined part of Dotsau
moat la Verdun strnggls
German admiralty announced tor
pedoln* of two armed French mer
chant vessela
Twelve persona killed in a raid by
German Zeppelins over east coast of
FTnerland.
Report from Athens said Raver
Pasha had b#«n wounded by an as
sassin In Constanttnopls.
TODAY"* MIRTH DAY*
William H. Mss well, superintend
ent of the public schools of New
York city. born In county Tyrone.
Ireland. 4S years tc» today.
Frederick H Newell former direct
or of the United States reclamation
service, born la Bradford. Pa., tl
years ago today.
Albert Johnson, representative In
congress of the Third Wsshln*ton
district born In Spring**!*. 111.. 4*
years ago today
Oeorf* F Sloason. veteran profes
sional billiard player, now Instructor
at one of the Boston clubs, born In
De Kalb N T.. 41 years ago today.
Freddie w-leh. holder of the light
weight pugilistic championship horn
In Pontypridd. Wales. II years ago
today. , .
Ham Thompson, one of the great-st
baseball players of his day, bora
In Danville Ind . IT years ago today.
Pointed Paragraphs
By llitralm io bis critic* you dis
cover that every body know* how to
nm a public offire except the man
v ho bold* it.
ff a man know* it all be l* never
content to keep it to himself
When a man hear* the first spring
robin he give* himself all the credit
| that belongs to the robin.
Tho the banister of life is fnll of
»pllnters man slides down it with
rapidity
A dog can any more with hi* tall
in a minute than tha average man
ran express with hit mouth in a
week.
The man who boasts that he
works with his nead Instead of bl*
hsnds It respectfnll) reminded that
the woodpecker done the same.
One form at innocence consists In
wandering bow it happens that the
girl with the prettiest ankle* wears
the shortest skirt.
Many a man haa become rich the
way a pumpkin acquire* girth—by
vegetating
Conceit Is to character what paint
is to beauty; it la not only needles*,
but Impairs what It Is supposed to
Improve
Before you call on your beet girl
always send flowers to hvr to tell
her the things yon are too stupid to
say
He Is a mean father who has his
whiskers shaved off because the
baby likes to pull them
If yon ere afraid to ask for what
jou want the chance* are that some
me will hand you a lemon
Asa matter of fact your netgfjDor*
f’rtnk just as disagreeable things
shoot you as yon think shout them.
If your daughter makes a rood
marriage rou always accept It as
proof of your smartness
Man la the only animal that goes
oof systematically to bunt for
trouble.
Prepare or Repair
MY m. ADDINOTON BRIT*
Author of ~Ths Riddle of Parson
nitty.” "Psychology and
Pa rest hood. ate.
You still are Id your early mao
hood You abound la an orgy Night
and day you are uu tbs go The
word ‘faUgoe la to you a strange
word, almost a meaning lass ope.
For this great fund o t health and
strength you are to b* ooogrutulat
•tl. But lot mo give you a friendly
warning Cans down
Remember that, strong tbo you
non are. the time I* coming when
you will pay heavily If you presume
too much on your present strength
By moderation in youth prepare
for the age at lowered vitality, so
that you vtlll can do an abundance
of good work when that age comes.
Instead of being oollged to spend
much at your time trytng to repair
the damage done by the indiscre
tion* at youth.
Forty and after la the age of tow
ered vitality, b it la the age when
the pbvsical processes begin to de
teriorate By man rlt I* supposed
that when a man rraches 40, or at
the outside 4it his lime of produc
tive eScienry Is virtually over.
This la by no means necessarily
true.
It never is true of men who have
lived a temperate, hygienic life In
the year* before 14 But It Is al
ways Ukely to be true in the case of
those subjecting themselves to coo
■tant physical of- mental overstrain
ia youth and early manhood
From such overstrain there re
suit* * premature weakening of the
bodily organism - notably tbe «tom
arb. heart, and arteiie*—that reacts
disastrously on creative power Par
tirolarlv damaging is the feverish
excitement so much in evidence, In
one form or another, among the
young men nf today
Diseases of the heart snd arteries
•re noticeably, alarmingly, on thr,
increase All health authorities are
agreed on this. Mortuary statistics
and the sUtisttoa of life Insurance
examiners have no doubt of It. *
And tbe consensus of expert opln
ion Is that the increase in due above
all else to Ia discreet modes of liv
ing in early manhood
Keep this In mind. Do not pro
ceed on tbe assumption that you
must work as hard as you can snd
play as hard as you can before 40.
because in any event vou will be
good for little after 44*.
Let moderation in all thing* he
your watchword, and you can vrrk
well and play well until life Is far
advanced
Here Is an easily remembered for
m«la by a hygienist Dr. 1. if.
Hirwebfeld. that you might well
edopt for the conduct of your daily
life:
"A good division nf time for tbe
average person U rti to eight
hours' work, four hours of r*st,
meals Included; three htars of
pleasure if a kind wmcb employ*
faculties that are not used during
work, and eight to nine hours of
*ieep.“
To this formula sdd rational
habits of eating snd Merctstng. snd
tbe cultivation of emotional conird!.
and you have an admirable scheme
of preparation for the years aft
er 4*.
And remember, reference to
these later yestr*. It always Is a case
of prepare or repair. You moat do
either the one or the other
From An Artillery
Observation Pont
Entering an artillery observation
poet for the first time Is s surpris
ing experience The armies, as a
rule, are chary shout disclosing
these bidden nerve centers. Our
conductor, however, had won a per
mission from the commandant. He
only insisted that we should not
speak above a whisper and that we
should not stumble or make any un
necessary noise
We entered a covered trench, a
sort of tnnnel In which the only
light was an occasional flash from
the officer's lamp. . . . With mut
tered warnings to avoid a mUstep
the officer helped ns thru a trap
door into what might have been a
little shelter, roughly constructed
and too low, arranged on the sum
mit of some lofty monument Open
ings on each side were curtained
by dark canvas flap*. The officer
closed the trapdoor He unfastened
the flap in front and raised *t.
“Look.'' he whispered “Our trench
es and the boche! M . . . Not many
vards ahead of us was a deep, wide
fosse. A hundred yard* beyond
white mounds straggled * parallel
course The Interval was a jungle
of weeda and barbed wire. A few
skeleton trees in the distance
stretched tbelr branches in gestures
of protest Popples, scarlet and slg
n Ift cant against the white soil and
■he dun vegetation, drooped every
where. even m the jungle of No
Man's Land There are so many
poppies this year In the war tone.
They are like great drops of blood.
The perpetual sighing of wind
overhead was accented now and
then by tearing screams The olfl
cer looked about uneasily. “They
feel all over the landscape with
their shells for these observation
posts," he said . . ‘Beside* I am
eotng to take you now to the very
front Una”
He glanced at ns curiously, His
*«ce was enigmatic. “And. perhane
—ls you are not afraid—even bo
vond." —From Wadsworth ramp's
The Dark fVame of War * In Col
lier's
I>T writer ta PstHk, I canta * wwfc; *b*>
D where, it owl* • weak. By mall. M a
Tear Call Main 4Ut Entered at the Foot
•*®oe la Detroit a* *eoond-class mall matter
Money and National Defense
•V OR. FRANK CRANB
(Copyright, lllft. by Frank crane)
With hi* usual perspicacity Henry
Ford, in offering the free use of hie plant
to the government in cage of war,
touches upon a vital point
cannot believe that war will come."
said Mr. Ford, “but if it does it is then
our duty and the duty of every man to
help all he can, and not to make money
out of the distress of his country.
“It is my Arm conviction that war
would seldom occur if individuals did not
make money out of war. They form the
interest which cultivates so-called patri
otism, which alarms the fears of the peo
ple and throws them into the greatest
of all calamities.
‘Real patriotism will never seek to
make money out of the misfortune# of
the country. Real patriotism will causa
every men to contribute his share when
the country unfortunately falls into war,
contribute it without a cent profit."
One thousand one-man submarines,
eighteen to twenty feet long, plus 3,000
motors a day, is what Mr. Ford says his
gigantic Detroit plant could turn out in
case of war.
The Mexican Petroleum company,
thru Mr. Doherty, its president, offers
the government five million barrels of
fuel oil now in storage. Other Arms
tender to the nation their plants and
services. ,
. When war comes it ia the supreme
teet of national life. Everywhere the
gospel is preached that men should vol
unteer to give their lives for their cou»
try.
If life, why not money?
If human life is to be commandeered
to the last man. if need be, why not
capital to the last dollar?
* Many fortunes were made in our
civil war. Huge profits have already
been reaped from this present war. The
ethics of war pro Ats is questionable.
War means untold loss, calamity, dis
aster. No man should reap private
gain from the public misery.
The poor give their bodies to be
wounded or slaughtered; their families
are plunged into bitter hardship. It i*
but right that the rich sacrifice also.
It speaks well for the patriotism of
our country that great business con
cerns are offering their services even as
men are coming forward to give their
lives.
We doubt not that, if the worst
comes, the wealth of the nation will vol
unteer for its defense as eagerly aa the
brain and brawn.
And if it comes to the conscription
of all men for military service, such an
act ought to be accompanied by laying
the nation's hands upon its accumulated
wealth.
| Laugh With Us
“Yea. sir," said the salt lon master, "safety
first*' has spread all over this
■=sT country. And nobody that
/ Sfc comes to Beaver Hill win ever
u git In no accidents fer want o*
' warnin' signs about Jest look
at that now"
The stranger gaxed apprect
atlvely at the sign nailed oa
| a nearby telegraph post Its
stern message was:
"It la dangerous to walk or stand on these
tracks while a train Is passing
A young Sheffield gentleman purchased anew
shirt In a certain shop and on arriving home
fitted it on. but was dlnsatla- .
fled with It.
The next day he took It back
to the counter where he per- Jug flfi
chased It but this time e jjr
young lady was in charge of /fw
the department. Qp Af i \
"Excuse me, miss." be said. I—
"I bought this abort here Can E
1 change it at this counter?"
“Oh, dear me, no!" said the embarrassed girl.
"You'd better go to s private room."
A colonel in the French army who had a great
eye for neatness, but not much of an eye for mu
sic, took occasion one day to compliment his
bandmaster on the appearance
f ' lof his men. "Their uniforms
til ar * Best." said the colonel.
d-T “ ,h elr instruments are nicely
T-V- polished and kept In order, but
w there ia on# improvement that
eff '1 I nniflt insist upon
f * "What Is It. colonel T
1 J "Yon most train your men.
when they perform, to lift their
Angers all at axactly the same moment and at
regular Intervals on their instruments, so—one.
two; one, two!"
During the Impaneling St a jury In Philadel
phia the following colloquy en
sued between the judge and a | VnT
talesman: ~ fs 1
"You are e property holderyg M I .
"Yee, sir.” B W fll
"Married or single?" W
Married three years last \1 in 1 '»
March." D . 1 A
"Have you formed or es- -» w -r
preased any opinion?"
"Not for three veers, your honor.’*
Two Englishmen were one day walking
along a road in Kerry when they met an frlah
• man.—
i “How many of us are here
Cjb now?" they asked jokingly.
"l*m not such an unsdkaun
C J| as all that,* said PaL "There's
L'WJ \ ion of us "
**Ob.“ said the Rngltsbmse.
«4jrJ j ml "how do you make out tbetf*
“M U "Well, eetd Pat, "1 am the
naughts."

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