The Detroit times. [volume], April 24, 1917, NOON, Image 8

About The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920

Image provided by: Central Michigan University, Clark Historical Library

                
Bm'i • Patriotic Duty
Em* Ywr Country At War!
wm You Do Your Bit?
v . tj: a 4 —■ 1 ■■■■■
t)M following suggestions come tc
. |hb #!"»" from * Detroit woman who
ggltft that her name be withheld:
«* mu getfor f rs# rtm##
Win you please call attention to your moot
jßWßaat editorial* to the need of Mwwrml ro
tmmm which would greatly hoi* the American
people daring the war?
rtrot pinna I urge the American people to re
tesla from Mlln| real iamb, spring chicken or
, |M " fry* than to allow all of these young
inatarM to mat ure
Ttita mraauT- will do much to lower the btgh
fftn of moat and to tacmaae the food supply
* Hrarr urge eongTem* to make it a misdemeanor
fw any person to slaughter any Immature lining
waafiir* for food
pleaee sugge*' reduction of taxes of those
Sneers who calUrate Intelligently succeasfully
all their available land except that required for
lu iqi] pasture. 1 agree with you that the pen
te mightier than the sword.
V you approve of any of thase suggest tons,
pita — take them up.
The Detroit woman's suggestions are
noteworthy not alone for being sugges
tions worth while, but as indicating, in
tho bargain, that the people, both men
and women, are thinking deeply upon
the very important matter of conserva
tion of our resources. \
Oat of this thought there is bound to
eome a telling policy of saving, which is
the thing that must appeal first to our
patriotism
President Wilson's repeated appeals to
the country to avoid waste, indicate that
oar chief executive considers this fea
ture our paramount duty.
A stitch in time saves nine.
Eeooomy now will save us from want
later on.
The part of the United States in the
war means that its resources of every
nature must be spent to the limit, and
gpust be CONSERVED TO THE LIMIT.
EVERY FOOT OF FERTILE LAND
MUST YIELD TO ITS LIMIT.
LAND THAT IS NOT NOW FER
TILE MUST BE MADE FERTILE IF
POSSIBLE, AND MUST YIELD TO ITS
UNIT.
EVERY DOLLAR MUST BE MADE
TO BUY THE VERY MOST TO BE OB
FOB A DOLLAR.
*AAF THE PRfirFITS
CONSUMER MUST BE
WILLING TO ACCEPT A MINIMUM
OF PROFIT, THAT THE PURCHAS
ING POWER OF A DOLLAR MAY BE
ADVANCED TO ITS LIMIT
THOSE WHO PRODUCE THE
THINGS THAT ARE AND FROM
WHICH ARE MANUFACTURED THE
NECESSITIES OF LIFE AND THE
SUSTAINING FACTORS OF ARMIES,
MUST HAVE ALL THE HELP THEY
NEED AND ALL THE ENCOURAGE
MENT THAT POSSIBLY CAN BE
GIVEN THEM.
fMM SERVICE ON THE PART
OF EVERY MAN WHO HAS TIME TO
GIVE TO FARM SERVICE BECOMES
HIS OBLIGATION, AND SHOULD SO
APPEAL TO HIS PATRIOTISM.
Not a shot has been fired, but we are
at war— actual WAR.
A country i« as strong when it is at
war as its reserves and not a bit strong-
H’- , -V
* jpr.
A chain is as strong as its weakest
IfelL
When a substitute steps in for the
nan who has had to quit the game, we
an as strong as that substitute.
The greatest reserve force lies, in the
hwt analysis in FOOD.
- An army fights on its stomach.
Ws should begin to conserve our food,
tharefore, no later than today.
It becomes an individual duty.
It is a part of standing by the presi
4eot.
Will you do your bit?
You See There Are a
Number of Signals To Be
'Paused and Other Things
The thin* that tell* la TEAM WORK
It tails in baseball
It tails in football, hockey and all other
participated in by a number of
plagan.
It tells in the church.
It talk in the lodge.
H tads fta business
TUMMY, APRIL 24, I*l7
It telia in government.
It tells in the home.
TWO HORSES PULLING TO
GETHER WILL GET FARTHER WITH
THEIR LOAD AND WILL GET THERE
QUICKER THAN THEY WOULD IE
THEY WERE PULLING AGAINST
EACH OTHER.
The Tigers won three pennants.
Then their playing fell off and they
ceased winning pennants.
For a time, while they were going
back, the team consisted of the identical
players who won the three pennants.
We learned they were not playing
“team” ball.
We learned that individuals were more
concerned over their own averages than
over the game itself.
The one game in which team work is
called for and in which there MUST be
team work, is the war game.
Therefore. Theodore Roosevelt should
not be permitted to carry out his ambi
tion to lead a command of his own into
the trenches in France.
Therefore, President Wilson has done
exactly the very' proper thing in refus
ing to countenance this individual play.
President Wilson is perfectly right
and sound if he looks upon the Roosevelt
desire as an evidence of more concern
over a personal political average than
over the winning of the game itself.
Nobody questions the intense patriot
ism of the notables who have pledged
themselves to go with the Colonel into
France.
However, any and all of these may vol
unteer today with not a bit of question
about their finding themselves accepted
if physically qualified.
By volunteering they can be of most
service to their country by becoming a
part of the TEAM work.
Nobody questions the intense patriot
ic of Col. Roosevelt
Nobody questions his ambition, either.
Nobody has forgotten that consuming
desire for a third term.
That bayslde r*w Petoekey Win* • war
rlor when It receive* today the rhlraliic
form of Charles 8 Hampton Hr wa* a
ftoldlrr of the rornhton food. wearbig the proud
«wt decoration of democratic cltlxenahlp. “honor
without swords “ Hr will br burled whrrr hr
began hi* advocacy of advanced political con
▼letion* aa an embattled country editor and a
Democratic .campaigner of more than ordinary
eloquence and ftre He brought hi* bravery with
him when he came here to practice law. he
never r«n*i<lfT»'»r»n* of pr'ttVwl 4
SmumoiMA —v b-*
•wr V **»
the hoc u t tii* COttfJktiOi 4s*^i:
and constant tn hie attachment* as he was ardent
and unafraid la his political antafoniam*
From Another Point ot View
By C. T. S.
Humbly do we acknowledge It, but we
have to admit that the existence of a
Cleveland baseball team is not exactly
purposeless. If it were not for Cleveland,
we wouldn’t have won the three game*
this year which we have won.
• • •
Detroit police arrested a man with 200
stolen teeth.
• • •
He swiped a mouthful.
o- • •
Would you call that, Phyllis, a case of
false imprisonment?
• • •
Weather probability in a certain De
troit morning paper:
“OVERCAST.”
Why Not Overdone, or Too Much is
More Than Enough.
• • •
Chorus of recent Detroit brides: “This
is so sudden."
• • •
They are taking the German dishes off
the case menus, but wa* there ever an
appetite you could call neutral ?
• * •
And look at the possibilities in case of
further complications. Should Germany's
ally get in bad with us, what will a fellow
do when he gets Hungary?
• o» o
They call sauerkraut on the bills of fare
“fermented cabbage.” “A rose by any
other name,” etc.
• • •
How to Hit tho Noil Every Time
•
In chopping up kindling, select a board that
baa a nail In It and try to mis* tbc nail.
a a a
Cover the garbage pail.
a a a
That Is to say, if there is to be any
garbage.
• 0 0
The high cost of living in these diggin’s
doesn’t speak anything at all like volumes
for our local reduction plant.
o a •
Mary, Mary, so contrary,
How does your garden grow—
If at all?
a a a
If they intend to celebrate this retreat
in Berlin, it ought to be some celebration.
a o •
Where do our Tigers get their clocks
cleaned today?
DETROIT TIMES
Why There Isn’t More Competition in the Chicken Business
( Ow YH* 7 iVf A KA<.e IN w 1 WNAT 50 )( TAMT My ApVKJt, P*tL,
! TMe Cou*r*y i'mocxmo- r « T or tht CNicrr*w rr ‘ amp may away rwor*
Ge t a Few Chick* m s. p* CAM | ” J J it) i havc a
Wr it Hdvp ALi- Utt WRy BiiC 1 V J \ VkHO KNOWS A CHAV WHO
PW, s Meep .1 1HO(^l r m \ LO*tV|«ooo r~
pce>v>p> friou&HTb Stu. j [ GAi>a _* ✓
M
OdICKFMS T BUL, YOO j "Do TOG Know YUAT CMICKI n5
/MAy AS WtLC OUV STtoCK IN A suoTecrTo CEOUPArttf
1 \ GOLP/VtINF OR- A RUBUeR- ) AU SORTS OF pi se A*SFJ r
PLAMTATION. VOLi HAVFNT a ( A FR.UNp OF MiH€ WAS GOlNb
CHANCe of & f?€A»ciNG- CVF m • ) INTO thf BUTINCSS BjTArrye
l V \Z_ —- , J getting- Popc ON it j
N Opt CotPFecT "
My Apvicer is To lft 'em ) Biu,» mtuihkihg- Mo! Cmiocbms!
MOM€ , TMe PRitC <* fttO »5 ej OF BUYING S«vf«al
- S’ J'yVu yx>u what you rc up
j AGA*nST, inTht First
S / > I PiacjF TNry Gct Croup
i A M !/K iJf
vrwat. tvi7. by H T WdWrj
THIS department I* maintained far the purpose es tapping ad
vertlaing faker In an “the carpet" and placing hi* aaaartlon* and
promisee under the glaas of truth. H welcome* letters relating
experience* with advertiser* wherein the eagle on the dollar fails to
♦ty home “with a dollar's worth of good*." It pay* proper recognition to
honest advertiser*. It does not spare dishonest advertiser* who may bo
found In The Times. It will print the letters whkh appear moat applicable
In pr**ervtng the integrity of ad nHotels protecting the advortlemg
' . let****, pte' " ” * •44'cm «
~ / W J edit 64 re* * -
inedb. Oetrefi. MiqP
—a rtrroJar. advertising "tittle farms" in Gleaford Park on
the Twelve Mile-rd., E F Brown of Detroit write* to The Ad Mirror ae fol
lows - ‘
I take much interest in reading The Ail-Mirror Please let me know
thft »r papei jr pinion with reference to tha lncl<>#»4 circular
location of th» property, distance tr on* Woodward-ave., and If y«u eon
aider th:» a «r>« i Huy.
Tht* information will be of Inffraat to a number of people outaide
the city. an<r 1 thank yon In advance.
This property (• handled by the Robin'* Limited Realty company It
i* north of Royal Oak and a little lees than a mile from the Woodward-ave
car line It i» one hour’s ride from Detroit.
The "little farms" have a frontage of 150 feet and depth of 115 feet
They *ell from ll.hOO to lI.JOO and three abstract* are given with each
farm so that at any future time they may be cut up Into 50-foot lots.
The propert> i* unimproved save for sidewalk*, graded highway* and
■hade tree* *
If you wish to gauge the value of the property It would be advisable
for you to compare it with property In its vicinity, ft* accommodation*. Ita
convenience*, etc.
This is the only fair way to JUDGE ANT PROPERTY
My Ships
T v » i e f t ■ •• a I would hrins
k( with r :•*
In th*\> ng f mv wh»r« th*
.» p »•v * ■ r»>h »» r
I w< ii| rr hi- *-n>t>elm of th* wlnd
*
p.. g . , \ • * »t*r pour by a rtam«-
rolored shore.
Mr •no* :n.l r>y ■h'p*—o’*r th*
f wm *a*-h <>r»* alir<>.
Full cail on th*- t» «y to th* Port «f
I»sy.
Th»y must «»,l n htul on. with th*lr
rurtno of dawn.
To th* KinedofTi of R*>*t In th* pur
|.l*-*}*-<1 wnt.
-XV II Th tr! *on In Pv*ry body's
Mtfitin*.
Military Service and Tate*
Th* falls'"/ j« urg*d in l»**h»lf of
compulsory m lltnry service that It
In a* Justifiable a* th** right to lory
taxes Th** southern slave holder*
might have argued In the name way
that they /hud an good a right to
compel their Negroes to fight for
ihem an to appropriate their labor
(f taxation and conscription are the
name in principle, there i# little to
nay In def*-n. ** of taxation. Hingle
taters have long contended that If
a man han a right to himaelf, not
even the government may right
fully deprive him thru taxation of
any part of the product of his la
bor. Their opponent* who have
tried to anseer this ron’enflon hold
• hat there In a difference In prln
dple bet\»*•« n taking by the gov
ernment of s "reasonable” percent
age of an Individual’* earnings and
taking it hll If this reply la correct
then then' In a difference m princi
ple between taxation and conscrip
tion If wrong, then taxation Itself,
so far an It applies to labor pro
ducts. lark** Justification To hold
otherwise would be to assert that
the most extreme form of slavery I*
as justifiable an taxation of labor
products. Conscriptlonlsts are wel
come to choose whichever horn of
this dllornma they pn fer Tbs Pub
lic.
Md-Mirror
And Advice to Investors
ff The Time* Flints ft. The Time* S«liev** It
Out of the Mouths of Babes
”Now, Bet tin.” said the Sunday
school teacher, "you may read the
next verse." The little girl read
“Cast thy broad upon the waters."
“Why should we cast our bread upon
the waters*” aaked the teacher.
” ‘Cause the fishes have to be fed."
was the reply.
“What la a furrier, Willard ?'
asked the teacher of a pupil tn the
juvenile class. “A man who deals
rj furs," answered Willard ‘ That's
right.” said the teacher. "Now,
Kalph. you may tell ms what a
currier fa.” **A man who deal* In
curs,” was the reply.
What bright eyes you have!” said
the visitor to flve-yearold Charles
"Tou must get plenty of slesp
“Tes’m.” he answered My mamma
mat* * me go to bed every night at
8 o'clock.” That * to keep you
healthy.” said the visitor. "No. it
ainC replied the youngster. "It *
so sh* ran mend my clothes
Th e OM Gardener Say*
There Is no doubt about the
fact that stable manure will do
muoh to hoop a lawn In good
condition. Many people how
ever, dislike both Its appearanc"
and its odor, and pulverlxed
sheep manure applied In »he
spring I* a very good substitute.
Perhaps the beet commercial
fertiliser is raw bone meal, which
should be applied evenly, at the
rate of 10 pounds for 300 square
feet. Cotton seed meal Is also
an excellent fertiliser when It
ran be obtained It Is well to go
over the lawn with a rake after
applying the fertiliser Rolling
will also help
The Keep Weil
Column
CONTAGION!
This is the season of cotit a*ion*
diseases. Here are Mnr timely
don't* that will
® spread. If obaerv
home and away
frotp other chll
♦*•* » • -
v •
Don't allow anyone to - ' »t«t a
sick child ontil It is rartnln that,
the illness la not contagious
Don't neglect a cold, cough, sore
throat or alight rash It may be the
beginning of a contagious dlseaae
Don't fail to protect the public,
your neighbor* and your neighbor'*
children from the danger lurking
in theie alight ailment!
'Vk“n yonr home la invaded with
a contagious disease, It I* your duty
to give your beat co-operation to the
health official* In their efforts to
present the apread of the dtaeaae
and thua protect the public health.
Health Question* Anawirsd.
\y. q F —'What are eome of
thw lymptoroa of kidney trouble In
a young girl?"
Shortness of breath, weakness,
pallor and dropsical swelling* are
amont the symptom* of disease of
the kidney.
Anniversaries
177 S—Battle b*(vt»n th* American
• htp Kang*r and th* British ship
till—British und*r Oen*ral# r*hll
-a and H*ne<ltct Arnold cxvupied
f’*t*rsburg, Va
1 i:a—Congress aboil*had th* *al*
of nubile land* nn er*dlt.
1§4«~-Pedro d* Ampudla wu *u
prr*»d*d by Mariano Arlata a* eom
rnundor of lh« M> xtcan arml** In th*
war with th* t’nl'ed fttataa.
1 Ml—“neap-* of th# Conf#dvrat#
oruls*r Naahvill* Into Wilmington.
SC
]SS4—A European fonf»r»«f» as
sembled In London to ronaldrr th*
grhl*swlg-Hni*t*ln question
1 »#g—T*>n*ral Grant arrived at Ha.
telgh. N C.
f**l—Con fit von Moltlt*. farnou*
Gorman drld marshal. <lt*d. Born
Oct. 1«. l«d»
1 «r>S -Ftftoen conspirator* against
th* government w*r* arre*t*d In Bul
garia
i*aa—**ccat Britain I**u*d a prnr
tarnation of .neutrality In th* war
t,*tw-<-*n th* I'nlted B'ate* and Hpata
and aa* followed ■uh»*n*ntly hy
th* oth*r power*. except G*rmany
nil tHIR too TOIMT l> THK
« %k
Severe lnimKardmrnta followed th#
French gain at Vardun.
Revolt broke out in Lublin und*r
dlr*rtlon of th* f*lnn F*ln
Hntiah raptar*d Sir K*>g*r P***-
m*nt In hi* att*mpt to land arm* In
Ireland.
Itallam took another mountain
peak hut lo*t part of recent con
quest <•« tt>* P*arao
Tontr* niRTHtHT*
G*n*ral ?f*nri Philippe Petain, th*
French c..mmander at Verdun, horn
In fauohv-a-laTour It y*ara ago tr»-
daj
General Joseph **lmeon Galllenl,
»hn saved Hart* from th* G*rman*
and later became French minister of
war, born 1n th* Haute Oarroon* (I
year* a<r«* today.
William FlMott Gonialea minister
from the I'nlted Rtatr* to Cuba *lnce
'III. boin In charleston.. ft. C, I]
year* am today
Cvrll Maude one of the foremost
actor* of the KnrMsh-*peaklng *taga,
born In London IS year* ago today
It is surprising ho* Ignorant girls
ran be At times They should all
know what a kits means, hut they
often Insist on having It repeated
Busy at Eighty-seven
bt h. tnoivoTos mtt ea
Author of "Tho Ritfiiit of Person
ality "Psychology and
Parenthood.” its
bet those who dread old age take
kenrt from the eiperlences of
Amelia E. Barr and John Bur
loughs, two of America's beat known
writers
Mrs. Barr and Mr. Burroughs
had birthdays recently. .Mr Bur
rough* celebrated his eightieth
birthday, Mrs. Barr her eighty-#* v
enth A newspaper visitor to the
latter makes this report:
“While Mrs. Barr has lived many
years more than the average, she Is
•till menially young and physically
alert, and r.i appearance belles the
nge a bleb the records show to be
hers.
“Each woraing day finds her busy
writing front eight to nine hours,
and this year she has more than
!iv»-d up to her record by producing
two complete books while another
is well under say She is also busy
planning books for the future’’
Mr. Burroughs, on the eve of hla
eightieth birthday, was found chop
ping wood
“Ruddy and hearty, erect and nlm
ble.“ an Interviewer tells us. ‘ there
Is no sign of age about thia man.
save the whiteness of his hair and
beard and the wisdom in his eyes.”
lust year Mr. Burroughs wrote
about birds This year he has been
writing about Emerson And before
the year ends he plans to publish a
collection of essays.
Assuredly Mrs. Berr and Mr. Bur
roughs have discovered the secret
of remaining vouag. And In what
does this secret consist?
From their own accounts it con
• isis In making It a habit of live
b> gienlcaliy and to keep the mind
actively orcupted
"l chop wood and work in the gar
den to keep well,” says Mr. Bur
roughs. “My interest in outdoor
things and current events is Just as
fresh as ever it warn.”
"Hard work,” says Mrs Barr, "Is
life's greatest blessing '*
Both, needless to say, bare refut
ed to yield to worry, that great
tapper of human vitality They
have lived serenely, confidently,
spiritually, That they have been
able to do this Is largely due to
their Intense Interest In their work
and in the world tn which they
live
Thinking of other things than
themselves, finding keen enjoyment
m mental and bodily activity, they
have profited from the psyrho-phyai
cal law by which the organs of the
human body function with increased
smoothness in pioportion to the
pleasure and happiness felt by the
mind. Hetvfe the youthfulness of
Mrs Barr arid Mr Burroughs In old
At
irgs m*.
interest ftm. Don't give yourself
time to cultivate worrying thoughts.
Then you will find, as they havs
found, that old age does not neces
sarily mean aches and pains and
self consuming misery. You will
find that even In old age you still
can accomplish much.
Pointed Paragraphs
If you eipect nothing all you get
lg so much velvet.
When wisdom cries in the streets
the police run it In.
Broad things may be rut from oth
er people’s leather.
An ounce of seeing M yourself is
better *b».n a pound of hearing oth
ers tell it.
It is not alwgya the man who
trains the vine who gets the grapes.
Be friendly with the fool in prl
vate and he will slap you on the
bark In public
A man'* egotism may be pardoned
if he doesn't throw it in your face
People who talk too much think
too littlu.
Success is easily plu< ked only
from tree* that grow Into the sky.
A wagon load of worry will not
pay an ounce of debt.
If what you have to say ts not
worth saying sing It and win ap
plattte.
Offer Your Serviced
If you want to render any other
form of war servlet than that of
military service or it you are in
doubt about what you should do.
the Council of National I>vf*nso
*lll tell you. At i»resent the Na
tional Council is mapping and dia
iramniinf the resources of this
country, having In mind both men
and malarial. It Is divided tn'o
committees covering various as
pects of preparation. You hav# only
to writ# to the chairman of the
committee whose subject Interests
you and offer your services to be
t Id what you should do and wlut
use can be made of yog And re
member. If you are the besui of a
business and the 1 uainesa can be
useful It is better to offer the bus
Iness with you at tta head than
yourself alone Address your in
quiry to the found! of National In
tense. Advisory Commission. Wash
ington, D C.—Th* World s Work
Health Questions Answered
T. P . "I get very sleepy every
day after lunch and can hardly keep
my eyes open. sle*-p nine hours
every nlghl.”
Perhaps you are constipated, or
your noon-day lunch may be a bit
too gen*rou* Try eaJmg poor beav.
lent meal at night
\
BT ama la DsMt. • cents % wssk: ataa
wham. 10 rants a weak By mall ft a
year Call Mala if SO. Entered at the PoaV
of flea la Detroit aa aacond-claaa mall maltar.
They Sang
■V 08. FRANK CBANh
(Copyright. I*ll, by Frank Crana)
the Britieh troopship Tyndsr
pus stuck a mine off C»pe Agulhas on
Feb. 9 a panic among the soldiers would
have caused serious loss of life. But
there was no panic. The officers gave
their commands and every man sprang
to hia place. Perfect discipline tri
umphed.
“Two steamers,” say the press des
patches, “despatched to the rescue, in
response to the wireless signals for help,
arrived on the scene within half an
hour. During this trying time, although
faced by the probability of imminent
death, the troope maintained steadfast
courage and coolness.”
Thoee were not seasoned veterans, but
young recruits recently at work in the
Quiet duties of civilian life, yet they re
sponded to orders as briskly as if on
parade. When the order to “atand eaay”
was given they began to sing, and for
half an hour the choruses of “Tipper
ary' and “The Long Trail” rang out gay
ly in the leering face of death.
This is the highest type of manhood—
the conquest of fear by nobleness of
mind. It has its lesson for all of us, and
its rebuke for many.
WTiy should any soul whine and snivel?
WTty should any human being complain?
Suppose you are poor, hard pressed,
abused, wronged, sick, betrayed. What
of it? The worst that can happen to you
is that you may die. And look at these
boys In the very breath of death singing
cheerily!
We thank you, lads; the whole world
thanks you for your song. It will float
into Innumerable wintry hearts and
bnng life, like the breath of spring.
It will cure us of our miserable self
pity, our cowardly despair.
Those who are ready to give up, those
who emditate suicide, those whose feeble
wills are paralyzed with discourage
ment or fear, the whokHrreat army of
the disheartened thank you, and they
will take up the refrain, and no matter
w’hat the untoward fates may plot
against them, they will fall to and sing:
fut of tbv night that eowr* me. *
S '* • • the pit from p«>l* !<• p^
I thank whatever gn<l* th«-r* b*
For my tineon<juerah|e soul.
In th» foil rlutrh of
I have not * r .-r«1 n-«r erleil « l»u
B»nr*'h tho bltn.'soonlnc- of rb.inr*
>!y heart I* Moody but unbound.
It matter* no* how strait the rat*.
H w b«rg*d -•i t b p :nl*hfnen*« the •cp <1
y * ” 4 - fate ’T *
fir’: „
Laugh With Us w
L’p the slope to the station tore the fat and
elderly gentleman.
"Wh*l tlnm's neit train to
Waterloo?” h»* ga-tpe-d.
"Two-flfie**n.” answered the
porter.
Tbs gentleman glanced *t
the clock above him
"That aays five pan* two.
ajid I make it three minutes to
f*o. Which la right?"
"Oh. D doesn't matter ” s* <1
the porter. "The tram auuta at two-tlfteen, any
how.”
Jans Jackson, was a business woman and
very successful. Kvery day she p-trtook of a
substantial lunch at a very expensive restaurant.
[M
"Pardon me, madam, but tha
total on the bill doe* not tnclude the waiter.”
Jane Jackson looked at the man with clear,
Innocent gate.
"That's all right!" ahs said. “I haven’t eaten
a w altar!”
Some years ago an Englishman met a party
of American Hetflers Journeying westward and
got Into conversation with the leader, an emi
nently practical man
"We only brought useful peo
ple along/’ *atd the leader.
"For Instance, that big man
over there is our blacksmith,
the man nett to him ts our bak
er and so on.”
"Hut," said the Bnfllshman.
"that very old fellow surely
he can’t be of much use to
you."
"Oh. yes, he la," was the reply. "That’s grand
father. We shall open our new ccmutery with
hlin."
Old Crablon is particularly severe npon hfs
wife In argumejH I airing a recent passage *t
arms between th> two his wife managed to In
vj
g- - mmmt
Hhe was very >oung and preMjr, H nd the
young man found her irresiatlble In spite of
the fart that he as poor as a church mouse
he led her to the altar
As he left for the honeymoon
the bride slipped her finger*
into his hand and whispered
"Bertie, I’ve an awful confes
sion to make!”
"What Is It?” asked lb rtle
anxlousl).
“I can’t rook.”
Bertie’s face cleared.
"Never mind, little girl,” he said encouraging
ly; ”that won t matter I don’t suppose there U
often be anything to cook!”
•
but she didn't believe In tips.
The waiters did nut dare to
tackle her on the subject for
a long time, she looked so for
bidding. But at last on* found
courage to give her a hint.
IB- brought her her change,
coughed apologetically, and
murmured
k- - - -i
fir Oi r
fraf
terpose with:.
“My dear. I wish you
wouldn't be so very positive
about everything Remember,
there are always two side* to
every question."
Whereupon Old trabton roar
*d back at her: "Well, that’s
nd reason why you should al
ways be on the wrong side!”
m\