The clarion. [volume], January 03, 1883, Image 1

About The clarion. [volume] (Jackson, Miss.) 1883-1888

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Clarion.
Vol. XLVI.
Jackson, Mississippi, Wednesday, January 3, 1883.
No.
1.
The
tut Internal Revenue tax is wholly
war tax.
The war has been over near
ly eighteen years.
The Senate refused to concur in the
goose resolution to adjourn.but Congress
look holiday nevertheleaa.
The latest estimate of the United
gtates Department ogriculture places
year's total com product of the
country at 1,625,000,000 bushels.
A railhoad commission bill, similar
a ... . -i.il.-1 in tin 1 mi' nntl' in auam.
10 mosi iwvw vr.. w "r,a
taon in Alabama and Georgia, has paaaed
SI eiith Carolina Legislature.
iv .
The Senate has adopted a resolution
Jninir tho thntrin tiiv it. will
OIll IVmv mm wvwmm
rphat.p oil th tnTis alrpfld v
v . -
PUlil Oil CIWU nit. 1 v . xuia 10 uuii
. i ...1. . . .. ll.lll.l I I.I.I . ., I.,.
1..:.
JIUl.
The Mississippi Valley Horticultural
Society will hold its fourth annual meet
ing in New Orleans, commencing Fcbru-
gjppi Will oe wen iepri.-Bciii.eu.
Texas can boast the most magnifi
cent school fund of any State in the
Union. In addition to over $4,000,000
000,000 acres of land valued at $1 60
an are.
The public debt still amounts to more
F 1 ii 1 lie 1111
II. ,111 l -
about thirty dollars for every man,
woman and child in the country.
Of the Internal Revenue tax, which
WC UUUlwiv. v.g"w w' -"- wwviujuwj
linsippi paid last year $ 94,098, and of
this sum, $21,000 were paid to the offi
cials in the internal revenue service.
For the five months which ended with
November last, the number of immi
grants arriving in the United States was
244,611, against 291,320 for the corres
ponding term in 1881 a falling off of
AK7M
1
The New Orleans, St. Louis and Chi
cago railroad has lately had built at
their shops in Water Valley, a "hospital
Car, W) ow usou mien iiuuiuciiwj tobi.
It is finished with every convenience
and medical and surgical instruments.
Fifty laborers left Vicksburg on the
28th for Anthony's Ferry to aid in the
construction of the Memphis and Vicks
burg Railroad. Six new steam engines
and about fifty cars have already been
received for the Memphis and Vicksburg
LMnA I11 Uliaafaciii-it-hi Vnllmr 'i 1 11) Mllin
Island Kail roads.
S. J. Randall: "A thorough reform
and sinnilifieatinri nf t.lir tariff1 laws is
necessary and should be proceeded with
as speedily as possible. The internal
taxes are offensive to the people as a
mode of raising revenue in this country,
and they have been submitted to only as
a necessity resulting from the war."
Sensible talk.
Hayes, the Albany Express declares,
was a mere nobody,, who came into office
with a clouded title, and who always
acted as though he felt ashamed of him
self, as, indeed, most people were for
bim. He was but a sorry figure in the
chair of Washington, Jeflerson and Jack-
on, and he has already been forgotten
ucept as an incident.
It has lieen suggested that if the re-
ant legislation of Congress fails to sup
press the abomination of polygamy in
Utah, the Congress to which belongs the
exclusive management of the Territory
bhould abolish the legislative assembly,
ptamp out its entire polygamous features,
Pd control it with an authority deriving
power from the federal government.
It would seem that the supervision poli-
and the office of Railroad Commission-
i have not retarded Railroad develop
entinOhio. The report of the Ohio
MnmiNsioner for the year ending June
V shows a gain of 10J per cent, in the
nber of miles iu operation, and
cgaie capital stock: a gain oi nearly
sr cent. The total gross earnings
W nil I r, ...-... I i. -I iiont t in
ftl net earninjrs. an increase of per
, o
II
Hi' U..i . I ' 11., . liiiinltj
- i. in vii qiiiii: ji niuci.."
... J I I i1
t rrfii 1 1 1 i. man iimiiii nuk'tnir i I 1"".-.
' i v.oi'i u I Hill ......... . .
make the ( "Jnirirniasioner of Arrrieul-
Ba lllliml nHir.nr. "liiu II ll l ll II t 111 (' 1 1 1
..."iiii i VI1I1V VI um I I
to lie influenced by politicians." This
repetition of what the National G range
fill t V. . .ill,.,. Qinln nmnirnii 1 U VO
- mv 'll III I I I.IM VIitliiK' '
I'ed ; but Congress is alow to net. If
Grangers are not a power in the land,
not because they do not represent
have tried the virtue of rcaolu-
. suppose they try, what virtue tnere
what politicians will heed more
NEWS AID NOTES.
J. H. Ijaxna, President of the Tennettaee
Asylum for the Deaf and Dumb, died at
Kuoxville, on ths 24th, of congestion of
the brain.
A Honey Grove special says : At La-
donia, Tex., on the 24th, Wm. Vaughan
mortally wounded the two brothers Boone,
great grandsons of Daniel Boone, of Ken-
tacky fame. The difficulty grew out of
some little dispute about potatoes. One
hundred men are in pursuit of the mur
derer. Robert I. Alcock, a prominent voting
member of the Glasgow (Ky.) bar, died on
the 24th, after a long illness.
The Dallas Herald says 275,000,000 feet
of pine lumber were cut in Texas last
year.
Mrs. Myra J. Osborn and her son, Ollie,
aged 17 years were found dead in their
sleeping apartments in New Castle, InJ.
It is generally supposed the mother pois
oned her son and then committed sui
cide.
Another murder at Cincinnati. 'James
Chumley shot Thomas Lamb; livery
stable e mployees ; both drunk.
A collision of freight trains occurrta on
the 25th, on the Chesapeake and Qhio
railway, by which five men were killed
and two wounded.
The Methodist chuch at Amite City,
Miss., was burned on the 25th. The, Sre
originated from a defective flue.
At Augusta, Georgia, a colored man at
tempted to outrage a white girl near Mil
len, Georgia. She was going through the
woods from her father's to her b rot her- in
law's residence, half a mile distant. When
the negro assaulted her, he cut her across
the breast severing her clothes; she rusisted,
calling loudly for help, and frightegad the
miscreant off without accomplishing his
purpose. Subsequently the negro was
arrested, and while on the way to jail a
mob took him from the officers and lynched
him.
Daniel Bennett, one of the oldest Masons
in this community, died of pneumonia
Sunday morning, and was buried by the
fraternity yesterday.
The amendment of Senator Blair, of
New Hampshire, to the Pendlatoa civil
service reform bill is exciting a gVet dealt
of, comment among the department em
ployees. The amendment is that no person
habitually using intoxicating liquors shall
be employed or retained in any of the de
partments. Bessie Bye, aged 15 years, and her sister,
aged 10, were both drowned at Merriton,
Ont., on the 20th. The youngest sister at
tempted to rescue the eldest, who had
broken through the ice while skating on
the canal.
An Arkadelphia Bpecial to the Gazette
says, Lou 1. Jvretsc inner, secretary oi
the State Senate two years ago, and widely
known throughout the State, suicided by
shooting himself in the head.
At Bedford, (Ind.) Mrs. Bell obtained
permission of Mrs. Owens, the jailor's wife,
to talk in the corridor with her husband,
imprisoned for murder. Mrs. Owens being
called away, Mrs. Bell quickly gave her
husband a revolver, and in an adjoining
room got the keys and gave them to him,
with which he made his eacape. Mrs
Owens returned and tried to prevent the
escape, but was held by Mrs. Bell.
Capt. A. C. Nutt, cashier of the Penn
sylvania State Treasury, was shot and in
stantly killed, by N. L. Dukes, a leading
lawyer and member elect of the Legisla
ture. The cause ot the tragedy is un
known, but rumor says it grew out of the
alleged fact that Dukes had been intimate
ith Capt. Nutt's eldest daughter, and
that at the time of the killing the Captain
was demanding justice for the girl.
At Varner Station, Arkansas, a negro
named Charley C. Branch, ravished and
murdered a colored girl nine years old
He was arrested, and intense excitement
prevails, and threats of hanging by a mob
At Grosbeck, Ohio, Dr. ttankin and Mr
Godfrey were chasing cattle on horseback
when their horses collided, knocking Mr.
Godfrey down and fracturing his skull
He cannot recover.
We congratulate our friends at Utica
uoon their prospect of having a good
neswspaper at an early day. Mr. George
L. Crosby, who has the exjR-nence and
nLilitv to conduct a live paper, has
lpascd the Crystal Sprinars Monitor fron
Dr. Hunter, and will publish it at mat
point.
HOKTICU LTUEA L MMtTIN'O. An or
imniraHmi lf the Northwest knOWll .1
the Mississippi Valley Horticultural
Society, will come down to New Orleans
on an excursion, where it will hold its
fourth amial mcetin?. beirinniiiir on the
21st of February and continuing fou
days. It will be a good meeting to at
tend, no doubt, as it wfll show us some
thing of how our Northern horticultural
friends run n society.
OYER THE STATE.
Greenville Times : A thrifty planter of
Sunflower county, who has disregarded the
universal swamp custom and mad fifteen
hundred bushels of corn for sale, was yes
terday offered 75 cent a bushel for
it by on of our merchants. He de
clined the offer, saying that he could get
that price for it at the crib.
The bored well is 930 feet deep, and no
water. The Observer thinks it .only 300
or 400 feet lower down.
Britton Mims, colored, indicted for man
slaughter in the Circuit Court of Wash
ington county, was acquitted for killing
another fellow who meddled with his do
mestic affairs.
Natchez Democrat: From our corres
pondent at Carpenter's station on the N.
& C. Bailread, we learn that the gin
h6use belonging to Col. T. A. Nutt, near
Carpenter, was destroyed by fire a day or
two since, with some seven or eight bales
of cotton. The insurance was small.
The recent heavy rain did great dam
age to the road bed and bridge on the line
f the N.O. & N. E. R. R. We learn that the
bridge across Chunky at Enterprise was
washed away, and that the trains have
been delayed in consequence of it. The
company have been refusing to receipt for
cotton at Pachuta since the rains. Track
laying has been delayed and we hear that
the engine of the work train and the cars
are separated, the bridges between the two
being out of repair.
James Barclay, aged eighteen, was fatally
shot at Longview, Texas, by an unknown
person.
A race riot occured at Okonee, Georgia,
on the 30th, in which Asa Lawson was killed
and Marshall Webster and Lon Williams
mortally wounded all white men. Three
colored men, brothers, Andy Jefferson and
Squire Washington were dangerously
wounded. Several others of both races
Were injured.
At New Philadelphia, Ohio, on the 30th,
a young man named Rex and a girl named
Shearer, recently Miss Shearer shot Rex
twice, mortally wounding him. She says
he tried to break into her room after being
warned away.
Mary Isabella Martin, who tu tried in
the District Court at Emporia, Kansas, for
the murder of Mrs. Loraine M. Keeger,
and who has been feigning iuaanity sinco
the verdict of guilty was rendered, has
been pronounced sane by a board of physi
cians, and was sentenced to be hanged.
The National Cotton Planters' Associa
tion has extended the time of receiving
bids as to the location of the Cotton Cen
tennial Exposition until March 1st.
D. L. Young was appointed to succeed
L. Leverett as P. M. at Wicona;
At Winona on the 30th there were large
parties of men starting off iu every direc
tien hunting horse thieves. There havn
been a good many horses and mules stolen
from this section of Mississippi during this
week, and last night two mules were recov
ered close to Winona tied in the woods,
but they failed to find the thieves. It is
believed about Winona and neighborhood
that there is a well-organized band of horse
thieves all over that portion of the State.
Edward Daley, of the Vicksburg & Mer
idian Railroad, the engineer whose engine
ran over a cow and jumped the track, died
at Meridian on the 27th, from injuries re
ceived.
Our sprightly contemporary, the Port
Gibson News, comes to hand with the
salutatory of Hon. A. J. Lewis iu the
editorial department of the paper. Be is
no novice in journalism, and with expe
rience brings an able pen and a store
house of information on political subjects
from which to draw for the benefit of
his readers. Porkiribson has now be
come a railroacT and manufacturing
city. She is the seat of justice of one
of the wealthiest counties in the State;
and boasts institutions of learning second
to none others in the State, and why
should she not have two thorough-going,
live newspapers, like the Reveille and
the News?
Prospects of Tariff Revision.
Washington, Pee. 29. The Ways
and Means Committee to-day considered
the Tariff Commission's schedule of wool
and woollens. None but verbal changes
were made to-day except in the item of
woollen rags, shoddy, and flocks, on
which the rate was changed from 12 to
10 cents per pound. The free trade
clement, led by Mr. Carlisle, strongly
opposed the rates recommended.
1 4 T1 . I I I , .. ....
.vir. .lonn j. naves, rrcsidcnt ot the
Tariff Commission, says that the com
mittee is doing just as the Commission
11 1 J I I At ... 1
wouiu nave aone una time permitted.
It is putting in an article here and there
mid completing the classification rather
than materially changing the rates n
commended by the Commission. He
thinks the committee will be ready to
report in two weeks, and that the. tariff
will be revised at the present session of
Congress.
A Bankrupt Bill.
A bill is lending in the United Stato
Senate to establish a permauent Bank
ruptcy system. It has been debated at
considerable length. The arguments
against it are contained in the following
pithy speech of Senator Williams of
Kentucky on a motion of Senator Brown
of Georgia to indcfinatly postpone the
bill.
Mr. WILLIAMS. 1 do not propose,
Mr. President, to disenss the relative merits
of the two bills before the Senate, because
I do not see much merit in either of them.
1 am oposed to both the substitute and the
original bill, ami I shall vote for the
motion of the Senator from Georgia. No
considerable portion of the American peo
ple have asked for any bankrupt law at
this time. The whole proposition comes
from a few merchants in the great cities.
I do not see much difference my self be
tween the two bills. Both contain the
same objectionable features; both propose
to give to a creditor the power to coerce
his debtor into voluntary bankruptcy on
the one side, and the debtor the right on
the other of beiug absolved from all hia
indebtedness by applying to a bankruptcv
court for a discharge from his indebted
ness. Now, sir, involuntary bankruptcy is a
most cruel and harsh proceeding by which
a creditor obtains a sort of cut-throat claim
on the property of the debtor, which ho
may en tore upon suspicions aroused in
his mind by a rival merchant and insti
tute proceedings which may result in the
utter -ruin of a proxperous business; and it
makes no difference whether the basis of
the action is a constructive or a real in
solvency or whether the man be insolvent
at the beginning or not, he is sure to be so
before ho gets through.
Tills whole idea of administering upon
live men's estates before they die is utterly
repugnant Jo the humane genius of our
institution. The old way was much bet
ter, when the merchants compounded with
their debtors. When a retail merchant
or country merchant found that his busi
ness waa not prospering he said to his
creditors. "I cannot pay more than forty
or fifty cents in the dollar; here are all my
assets ; I surrender them to you." His
proposition was accepted at once ; he gave
security and started in business again, and
the very men who released bim, again
sold him bills of goods at once ; and he
went on. But it is not so under your
bankrupt laws.
1 hav said this much of the involun
tary leature oi me proposed bills; now as
to the voluntary feature. The idea of
allowing a man upon his own application
to a court of bankruptcy to absove him
self from all pecuniary liability, in my
judgement, is to loosen the very bonds
.which hold society together, and open the
door to nil sorts of fraud. No bankrupt
law can can be justified except upon occa
sions ot great necessity, ot public ealamity,
when the country is overwhelmed bv himn
elal distress produced by causes which
could not be foreseen ; and oven then such
a law should, like the Jewish jubilee, be
of short duration, and not become hurrah
ed us a permanent policy in the laws of the
country.
Wo have had three bankrupt laws, and
each became so odi ns to the country that
the people rose up and demanded its re
peal. Why, sir, bankrupt courts hv
been graveyards of all the estates brought
into them. Nothing has come out; no
body lias made money and got rich but the
officers of the courts, the assignees, the
registers, and the chrks: A bankrupt es
tate in my country was practically aban
doned. 1 know of one instance when a
man had a claim of several hundred dol
lars, eight hundred or a thousand dollars,
against a bankrupt estate. Jle employed
a lawyer, who charged him a fee olS'ioO:
and he got $tl I for his claim $(!4 where
he hail paid $J jU to his lawyer. That has
been the experience of all. Thcv are uter
ly disgusted with it. The country does
not want it ; no considerable portion of our
people nave demanded it. mere Is no
time or necessity now for enacting it ; and
1 shall vote for the indefinite postpone
tnent, as proposed bv the Senator from
Georgia Mn. BROWN.
tin tne motion to postpone, there were
26 ayes, and 34 nays.
Louisiana 1ms adopted a liberal po
icy to encourage the Investment of capi
tal in that State. Article 207 of her
Constitution savs:
"There shall be exempt frera taxation
and license for a period of ten years from
the adoption of this constitution, the cap
ital, machinery and other property cm
ployed in the manufacture of textile fab
rics, leather, shoes, harness, saddlery, hats,
flour, machinery, agricultural Implement
and furniture, and other articles of wood,
marble or stone; soap, stationerv, ink and
paper, Iwat-building and chocolate ; pro
vided,. that not less than five hands are em
ployed in any one factory."
The object of all ambition should be
to be happy at home. If we are not
happy there we cannot be happy else
where. A family of Madison, Ohio, nineteen
years ago purchased a paper of pins;
when pin was needed it was taken
from the paer, and after it had served
its purpose was replaced. If a pin was
lost, generally search wns made until it
was found. By this way the one paper
of pins has kept the family supplied for
nineteen years.
"Yonder go the most disobliging
couple in our neighborhood." "You
surprise me; please explain." "Oh!
they always close the windows when they
have a row."
A fair and buxom widow, who hns
buried three husbands, recently went
with a gentleman, who, in his younger
days, had paid Iter marked attention, to
inspect the graves of her dear departed.
After contemplating them in mournful
sileme, she murmured to her companion:
"Ah I James, you might have been in
that row now if you hud only had a lit
tle more courage."
WISE WORDS.
No man can be successful who neglects
his businesn.
No rank can shield us from the impar
tiality of death.
If you would succeed in life, rise early
and be an eeonomi-t of time.
Publish your joys, but conceal your
sorrows.
Much learning shows how little mor
tal kuows.
Experience and wisdom are the best
fortune-tellers.
Vain glorv is a flower which never
conies to fruit.
The seed of our punishment is sown
at the same time we commit sin.
Faith steps iu to our aid when our
boasted reason and knowledge fail.
While vou look too much on others'
gardens, you will neglect your own.
Crimes sometimes shock us too much;
vices almost alwavs too little.
To succeed one must sometimes be
very bold and sometimes very prudent.
All deception in the eotirssvof life is.
indeed, nothing else but a he reduced
to practice, and falsehood passing from
words into tilings.
Perseverance is the crown of all the
other virtues, and the characteristic of
heroes. It is a small thing to begin ; we
must persevere to the end.
We are taught to clothe our minds, us
we do our liodies, alter the fashion m
vogue, and it is accounted fantastical.
or something worse, not to do so.
The dualities we possets never make
us so ridiculous as those we pretend to
have.
One who :s never busy can never rest,
or one implies relief from previous la
xir. Those who blow the coals of others'
strife may ehasoe to have the sparks fly
in their own faces.
Though charity may tend to make
your purse lighter one day, yet it will
make it heavier another.
If a man speaks or acts with n pure
thought, happiness follows like a shad
ow that never leaves him.
Every man's vanity ought to bo his
greatest shame, and every man's folly
ought to be Ins greatest secret.
Looking to others for our standard of
happiness is a, sure way U be miserable.
Our business is with our own heart.
1 know no real worth but that tran
quil firmness, which seeks dangers by
uuty, and braves them without rash
ness. If you would find a great many faults
lie on the lookout, but if vou want to find
them in unlimited numbers be on the
look in.
Deceit is the false rond to happiness;
all the joys wc truvel through to vice,
like fairy liiiixpicts vanish when we
touch them.
Character is higher than intellect. A
great soul will be strong to live as well
as strong to think.
Perfect ignorance is (uict, perfect
knowledge is quiet; not so the transition
from the former to the later.
From the manner in which praise and
blame arc dealt out in this world an
honest man ought to covet deianuition.
If we practice goodness not for the
sake of its own intrinsic excellence, but
for the sake of gaining some advantage
by it, we may be cunning, but We arc not
goi id.
Nothing so increases reverence for
others as a great sorrow to one's self. It
teaches on the depths of human na
ture. In happiness we are shallow and
deem others so.
He who betrays another's secret, be
cause be has quarreled with him, was
never worthy of the name of friend ; a
breach of kindness will not justify a
breach of trust.
Be courageous and noble-minded; our
own heart, and not other men's opinions
of us, forms our true honor.
I think all lines of the human face
have something either touching or grand
unless they seem to come from loW pas
sions. How tine old men are.
When necessity ends curiosity begins,
and no sooner are we supplied with
everything that nature can demand than
we sit down and contrive artificial ap
petites. Unless a man has trained himself for
his chance, the chance will only make
him ridiculous. A great occasion is
worth to a man exactly what his antece
dents have enabled him to make it.
Men have commonly more pleasure in
the criticism which hurts than in that
which is innocuous, and are more toler
ant of the severity which breaks hearts
and ruins fortunes than of that which
falls jmpotently to the grave.
Happiness is like manna. It is to be
gathered in the grains and enjoyed every
day; it will not keep, it cannot be ac
cumulated; nor need we go out of our
selves, nor into remote places, to gather
it, ance it has rained down from heaven,
at our very doors, or rather within thcui.
Recall at night not only your business
transactions, but what you have said of
those of whom you have spoken during
the day, and weigh in the balance of
conscience what vou have uttered. If
you have done full justice in all your re
marks, it is well. If you have not, then
seek the earliest opportunity to make
amends, and carefully avoid a repetition
of the wrong.
Hardly a "Fair" Question At a re
ception in London given in honor of a
distinguished American who was rather
dark, having been much tanned by the
sun, a lady, a professional beauty, kindly
inquired of the dark-complcxioiusl
American "Is your tribe at pence with
the whites?"
CO PEEL WHAT HAVE FEET.
A yoonf lady in New York via ta tin- habit of
writing un tbr tuhjert of tntenipmnca. Hrr writ
lug waa full of pathos, ami rrtlxmt auch derp emo
tion of aoul Uiat a frk-ml arruard hrr of brlag a
mania on the autiject intemperanrc, whereupon
ahe wtoK ih f..lowtn touching lint:
iio M what t hare ML
i at what I hat born
Wuk ueath a Mow a talhr deal!.
-mo ia tx.ia w.ria prowl
urn mwr on muu isu" to year
Thy wit- relief the v'orvhtag tear.
Un kneel as I have knelt,
Iuiplorv, braneeh and pray
Strlvn the beaotUst heart to melt.
Tin tlownwaril oourae lo atay
1W danhed with oilier euran aaidc,
Your prayers burlexjuea, your lean defied.
( in weep as I have wept
O'er a tored father's mi.
So, even prumianl Measiui
; awrpt
Y outh s weetnei tonus:
I to all:
I.Ue a Ivlins tlocr strewed all Uie wav,
ill Uu'
That liroujclit me op to woman a da) .
lie see what I haTO seen,
MnM the strong man bow
With irnaatiiiifr teeth lips bathed in blood
And cold and li. id brow ;
(to rateb his wltherinKKlanen and see
There mirrored hia soul's Misery.
(Jo to thy mother's side,
And her crte.hci Iswom eheer,
Thine own deep knjUiall hide.
Wipe (nun hiT ebeek the bitter tear;
Murk her worn Irarae and withering brow;
The grey that streaks her dark hair now ;
With t id. un frame ami in ml. linn llinb,
And traoa the ruin hack to him
Whose plighted Mth In early youth
l'li mi lull eternal rose and truth;
lint who foresworn had yielded up
That promise to the maddening cup,
And led her down through lore and IIbM,
iui mi uiat in, un iter iiroinlse tingnt
And elibmeil her there 'mtd want and It
irlfe,
That Inwlv thing a drunkanl's wlfe-
Aiul stamped on ehildhiHMl'a brow, so eitld,
That withering hlightlb.e. drunkard's child.
(io hear, an I feel, and see and know,
All that my soul has felt and known
Then bak npou the wine cup'a glow ,
Ne if its Isniiiiy can atone
Think If Its flavor you ran try,
When all pie. hum 'Us drink and die?
Tell me I hale the Isiwl! .
Hate Is a feeble word I
I loathe abhor my very sout
With -itroug distrust Is atlrred
When e'er I aee, or hear, or tell
Of tluudark la vcrag-e "f hell.
PASTIME.
A woman with tiftc--The cook.
Cape of Good Mope -u fur lined dol-
man.
The riilit bower Where your love
He dreaming.
Hoping for the best doesn't bring it
with an intense regularity.
An experienced barber never talk
hair dye to it bald headed num.
The size of a ruau'a foot iH not always
n criterion of bin understanding.
Miiniiniot are the only well-behaved
pcrwuiM who arc now left in Egypt,
"I'm a I'litron of Uuabandry," nald
the widow wTio had nutde her fourth
coupling.
If "gTlenee gives consent," a man ought
to have bo trouble in getting married to
a mute.
Girls are wore couragcoui titan men.
They are ready to make a match with a
fellow twice their size.
A poor man's enjoyment arc just aa
good ;is the rich man'. The ''corn cob
stopper don't hurt the molussc-s in the
jl'rt-
In giving geography lessons n teacher
asked a boy what State be lie in, and
was aniu:ed at the reply, "A state of
xin and misery."
A Vermont debating society will
tackle the question : "Which is the most
fun to see ti mail try to thread a needle
or a woman try to drive a nail?"
The beat definition of "stepmother"
tells us that she is a mother who spoil
her own children and "tejm on thoo
which she has unwillingly inherited by
marriage.
"What have you been doing sinco I
last aw vou'.'" " "I've been attending a
course of" free lectures." "A course of
free lectures?" Yes; I was married a
week lifter we parted."
While Brother Jonathan was in town
on the Kourth he took a ride on tho
streetcar. Unserving that the conduc
tor gave one of the passengers a check,
Jonathan, on handing out bis six cents,
remarked: 'tiivemea receipt, too, .Mr.
Conducter, or the darned fools up homo
won't believe I really had a horse-ear
ride."
A man that studietli revenge keepeth
his own wounds green, which would
otherwise heal and do well.
People who fish for compliments do
not need long lines. They will get their
In-st bites in shallow water.
A new perfume, called "kissme," is
advertised. When an inexperienced clerk
asked a pretty young lady what she will
have, ami she says kissme, lie well,
put yourself in his place.
Thin party (to street urchin) "Boy,
what do you Mippoge that dog is follow
ing me. for! The youngster cast n know
ing look at him, und readily replies,
"(jiiess lie takes you for a bone!"
A gentleman who had a collection of
very poor pictures was joked about what
he could do with them when he died.
Hut he was equal to the occasion. He
bequethed them to a blind asylum.
An insane Hochcster girl gets out of
bed at midnight and goes to work saw
ing wood in tin! hack yard. Her father
deeply deplores her insanity, but he al
ways leaven the wtKnlpile handy for her
to get at.
A Chicago man has invented a cast
iron table-w are that look just like por
celain, and is in ecstasies when he sees a
servant jirl drop half a dozen cups, and
shriek with horror at obsirving their
failure to break.
The poet Qampbell said that a man
accustomed to work was equal to any
achievement he resolved on, and tltat for
himself necessity, not inspiration, wai
the prompter of his muse.