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An admirer of Ilerlloz onro essayed to be n musical composer, lint
upon bin failure to coax inspiration from Its lulr, turned to musical
criticism. Ho cpitnplicil his first love with the statement thnt us ho
hl.il proved thnt he couldn't write music he wan qualified to criticize
men who could writu it better than he could. Thnt 'a like inc. 1
un't write poetry, so I feel qualified to crlticbo a lot of It that has
recently come under my notice. 1 remember, in first casting uboul
for n profession 1 decided on poetry nnd commenced my opus inngnus
in this wise:
Little Willie PumpernicMe
Hitched hit vvugoti to a Star.
It is remarkable what a nap thero is between the first two lines
nnd the second two lines of an ordrnnry pome. Yon start on an impulse
nnd get n fine metre. The difficulty is to get the second two
lines to look that way. Thus after ninny struggles with the Walker's
Hhymiug Dictiontiry 1 evolved the following:
Hut she got his every uieklo.
Now lip wonders whero he are.
Pvon in the first Hush of crrativn effort I ndniitted that there was
something about this that did lint agree with whnt Pdgur Allan I'oe
called the Poetic I'llnclple. So I turned to criticism.
One of the first curious thinps I discovered was that every stenographer,
stock broker or other ordinary creature who visits Hawaii
does so with the firm determination that he or she is going tn,wr!te n
poem about it. I don't Know why they rliould concoct such crimes
against Hawaii any more lliun against any other p'aee, but the promotion
committee's liternture suys we're in the Tropics, nod whut
are the Tropics good for, if not to write poetiy about I
They all write their poems abput the same. They start off with
Fomc atmosphere. That's always the first requisite, is
They do this with a few couple of italicised Hawaiian words like pol
nnd opnkapakn, ainF there's their utmosphere. Then they put in
Old Lonhi. onlv must of 'em never pet that far. nnd continue to call
it Diamond Head. .Diamond Head nnd Wu!l.rkl !aili am al way's -the
goats. uncp in nwliilc suinclioily drops a line to tnc Volcano, tint yon
revor hear anything in poetry nlioiit Xuwiliwi'i. IMipaliochW, or "the
Pali. Thero nre limits even to such dinbpllcnl intentions ns
those with whiih tourists ntitironch us, nnd one of them is cettins
something to rbymo with Pali. I heard of in Persian once
thnt did, but you couldn't use that, especially ns it mentis the, rear
hump of a dromedary. '
And whnt publishers and home editors do fnll fori .Somebody
will write something like this:
The festive lanai skipped a'ong,
Singing his ukulele song.
Then she underlines lanai nnd ukulele and the poor dpluded 'pub-
lisher is buffaloed into believing that ho has got n hold -on a, new
You never hear of anyone going to Northern California and apo's.
trophizing Mount Shn&tn, or to Yellowstone park and apostrophizing
that, or something in Mnlue, Canada or in the temperate one in
roneral. They got to go down in the tropics. n the,,focundj tropics.
Personally 1 never saw anything to rposlropbizo in the tropics', and
1 have lived in them and the for a number of years?
Tho most startling things urn for instance; in Southern California,
the reel cstnto agent; in Hnwaii, sugar, and in tho Philippine. lslnudst
If the fair amateurs ever staled hero long enouph'to get beyond
Diamond Head and Waikiki in their poetical aspirations, they'd turn
(nt fonythim.' really, truly true to life, with all the necessary
here, like this:
I.ll Arthur Had a graft, ,"'. ( . .
He fleeced the purest gold, , ,
Prom hniqiy little Chinese who
Went to Smith and told. "
There is somcthimr Kiplingesque about the irrelevancy of this, of
which J nin indetciijinbly fond. "
Hut, beliee me, I hae n club handy for the next person who libels
our fair clime by rhyming Waikiki with papain tree.
Jt jt jt jjt jt
Tha Last Day on Earth.
"If you had but ouo day to live, what would you do?"
Suprose this query were to be directed to u number of the well
known citizens of Honolulu, what a diversity there would be among
the replies! What an illustration we would have of the great difference
of opinion that can exist on one subject. Somo of the answers
would certainly reveal tho inmost thoughts of tho speakers;
some would reply becnuso they would hae nothing elso to do, but
all would bo interesting.
"1 would have one lust big luau, with plenty pig, raw fish and
would probably be the ready reply of Hizzoner .1. J. Perm
the mayor of Honolulu.
"I would do my (Inmost to forget that last election campaign,"
Pertrnnd on Datum would certainly nnswer.
Captain Ilerger would surely think of music and his reply would
bo something like this: "Yes, what, I would already jet write ope
morn band program."
"If I had one more dny to livo I would moo to defer it so T
could get in some more banana claims," would bo "Ilannuu Jack"
Knlnkiela't replication. On this si ore them cnu be absolutely no
Oeorge W. Pnty would without fall answer: "I.et'er go. Aftej
today tliera will be no more license commission, for whero I nm
going such profauu things do' not exist."
"I would make one last attempt to find out what was the use of
bdng Acting (loveriior without the power to net," would como from
thft attorney general and he would spend the very last few moments
of life writing one more opinion.
Arthur .MoDiillle. would without any question nt nil seek another
trip abroad on his finul day nil earth, but before leaving ho would
inn,l(i the 'meuibers of the detective force.
If (lovernur Prwr lind returned to Hawaii before his last day on
earth, on this day he would cud a mesiiage tn Washington: "Don't
J on think It Is about time thnt mv successor should bo provided f"
"I would upend my Inst dny rending the Constitution nnd thinking
of how (if ten Its spirit had been violated mid then, Just before passing
nwny, 1 would mio nit exception," would Im (leorgu A. Davis'
KimiiwflM Krugcr would Imng iirnuud ami at the Inst moment In)
would link) "Willi's going to hnjf" And If nobody ntod
lie Mould buy It hloik'lf.
xtiuHim Dmiii PlUrili would vary likely answer: "If only the
day of iijilgiiimit would Im witwuis I am sure I could 'iniiko myi
ttllil !lk, would IhKi one Inst loan ul the r iinririii dum mid I
nm wi" I wimldii'l Im ulil to see miy water In It."
"If my Ust ilny iih eailh Imppenisl im Arbor Day I would Im
llMMkfwl wl 1 wmild iivUi eli to I he mIiooI clillilrHii ou Hut
Jt)l u( ICnlllil by furwer iMwrds of urvloi," would Im ur
VlMf I'mIiwo's nwtllt IMWlir,
iki Tdwhi muhhi lMHt likely teplv ; "itmt nut lo KalniMkl nnd
! a lk nut4. )tur ImIhm fur IVmiIImi I utit urn In
bk il Jt Mfiklr ir44yNi."
"I &tl UJw uy in II kutiti m Iks vir litl ilk kiwi ixuiMvar
l tmii wl ki Ik Muuiios W ttiik nil tu mm I tint uncti
U IJJWU i Hw tl iuM l v hawiNc Jti, Ml I raUd il8JjllJ"
i(v wuuii utonvr iTMtiiwr u. ia, iwaumia,
( B Tk " I
Hawaii x r.vrirriT. imhir 2 i"H
International Disarmament Small Talks
' B ,i
"I tvoiiM spend tin' wiling moments on my Inst ilny trying to
find out huw it was I never become llovernor of llnvvnll, woult
must llhclv I L. K. I'lliUam's reply, lint li would give It up whe,
Irving to fignte out wkv lie had just one lone supporter In Honolulu
'".lv !nxt ilav would' In- spent In ttlii! tlif pnblle service com
mission work l"n shape.. 1 would then pack up nnd leiive, vvltliou
giving my future address hs 1 would then be rl for one last loni
vacation,'" would come in K. A. reply.
Ceticrnl I'unMon would call his stenographer nnd commence! Ml
Kogn, Kdltor Nlppu .lijl, Sir You luive u few hours left In "hlel
to npologlie. Do It."
Why tho Vaccine Did Not Take.
Now that so many jind surgeons nre getting
in their" oiiifiiul convdn'tVorl'ln'tHiV city It mny be the right timo tt
tell- something "about one of them, names being revealed only, n
usual, in executive session. This doctor is n mallliini and like most
malihinls in bis line stnrted in to get acquainted nnd gather up n
practice by engaging us a government physician. He got a billet ot
Kauai and proceeded to work. Not long after ho had shaken down
on tho plantation it became necessary to vaccinate a group of youngsters
nnd white arms, brown arms, yellow arms and arms that might
hnu been any lolor If pioperly washed'off wero bared for him.
He had secured u new supply of vaccina and points from the board
of health and was well prepared, 'ine resuu oi ins
he repoited when he next came to Honolulu.
"Vut for accino vns dot you sent me to KnuaH'
'"the regular aecine, the kind we supply always
v .! Jl v &
he asked ol
tubes," responded tho board of health head.
"Veil. 1 know nbout dot, but vat kiud of vaccine was it on dene
points!" ,, , . ,
n'l.n... ,w.ini nm tlm rnrmlnr thine, tho onlv kind we are nllowei
i ..... i.v lnw.'r nxnliilneil Pratt. "What was the matter with
"The nititlcr tnit demt" said the Kauai man. "Dot's vat' I vant
to know. 1 vaccinates kids uiuf every result ns n
negative. 1 vaccinates dose thirty-seven kids nil over again, nm
every result vns a negative. Vots the matter nitt dot ncclne point,
.In. ...I 1 ivn.it tl. knnw?M
Then n light broko in on Doctor Pratt. The mnllhliif had tnlccii."
the plain Ivory points us vaccino points, the samo as nru In conn
mon use elsewhere. He explained.
"Veil, it's no onder all my results vns negative. I bought it
funny I get no reaction. Of course dls is a private matter mlt me
.iiul .-.ill '!
And Doctor Pratt acknowledged that it would remain a private
His' Full Name in Full.
I.awveis alwnvs nsk for all they want, and. to tho extent of their
abilities, insist on getting It. .Always are they insistent, claiming
vociferously that their clients are right.''
Put sometimis they become too Insistent, nnd, to their sorrow, get
a 1 they nsk for. And If you don'tbelieve what the Bystander says,
you are respectfully referred to Campbell ' double, Attorney
Pro-ser for whut the attorneys themselves would call "corroborative
evidence." The other da Prosper was. taking depositions ill a case
involving tho loss of the ''"Harvest" at Ascensiou Island way back-in
the davs before he saw thelight of day. lie wanted to prove certain
things by nu old seafariug man. and, with appropriate impressive
neix, Introduced ns his witness a grizzled old sea dog in the person of
i The captain, after modestly admitting that his p'neo of residence
was Honolulu, wns asked by Prosser what his nnmo was. Meekly
the .witness replied "11. U. VJwinton."
''Yes, Captain, but your full name," Insisted Prosser.
' A'trirlo JersMiieekly the eniitiiin Svvlnton, Mr
"I want your full name,)' plundered Prosser.
"Do you want nil ofMiiy name, Mr. Prosscrf" asked the captain,
mid ti close observer would have caught tho twinkle in an eye whose
brightuets ytars nt sea had failed to dim.
"Of course, thnt's what I Want, " this from Prosser.
"All right, hero goes. Aro ou ready!" this from the enptalu
to the stenographer.
"Well, my .full name is 'Henry I.unlhule Muilcluu'ci Hale Opio
Hale Plnao Sebastian Swiuton."
About midway through the cognomen the attorney triM to halt
his witness, but there was nothing doing. When ho finully did get
through, Prosser turned to tho stenographer and remarked that
"II. Ij. vvinton" would do, and proceeded in a somewhat subdued
munner to elicit Information which did not involve giving full names.
As' the Case is one whW'h is being tried in the Court of Claims of
the United Stn'es, it Is to be hoped that the stenographer wl'l fail
to heed prosser 's direction, and will write tho name correctly, and
thus let tho effete East learn that Hawaii can be as prodigal in names
us uhy country on the face of the earth.
Abolish the Jury System.
Why docs not some public spirited "Reformer" tako up the subject
of simplification of judicial procedure in Hawaii. When practically
every able-bodied citlzenl of an entire judicial circuit is
culled for jury duty us has just huppened in the tiial of the "perjury
cases" at Kailua, it is time .to givo tho subject serious cousid
cratlou. A jury of "twolvo good nien nnd true" does not necessarily
imply that justice will prevail in tho verdict. A "bench" of three
or five mngistriitos, chosen for their nnd knowledge of
the law, would in ninety-nine cases out of the hundred give a fairer
judgment as to both facts nnd law than any twelve men hnlod from
tho far comers of Hawaii and kept in a country village for weeks
nt a time to tho serious detriment of their pocketbooks and personal
a If a Irs.
o v 0 j "
Another Closed Incident.
Tho threatened Impaste between Secretary of War Oarrison and
our Knlilo has been dissolved. War is averted. The Dave of Pcuic
rousts with uiiillo lels in its gentle beak on tho grim of
tho horrid temple of battle, carnage and sudden death, Young .lack
Desha, scrivcuor to His Imperial Highness, our Itoynl Delegate to
Congress, has humbly apologized to some one in Hllo and sadly
promises that never again will he sign n letter to u cabinet minister
with u rubber stnmpl Thus docs statesmanship ever preserve the
Moral and, Religious
Awakening in Japan
A great religious and moral movement is In progress lu .in pan
Count Okiiiiin, whoso official functions nro similar to thoso of tho
"Marshall of Nobility" of old Kusslu, In that lie. is the ii.iiuthplec
nf his Pinpcror to the western world and tho traiulator of western
ideals lo his own nation, has recently nddrcsc'd tlm Jiipuiictn on the
"Proper respect for woman" us the secret of success of the
nations, lie tell his people Unit nations which liavo tele
gated ihelr wniiii'iikiiid to 11 ttatus bordering on slavery have in
every Instance liisuplieured from the earth, while those which linve
recugulri'd the equality of the scum liavc been Hie conquerors, lie
tells JiipMii thnt hru IidiiIi) b an awakening throughout thai
nation. "After mankind wns created it wns Iul t In n sinful life
till fliritl wns born nd created the groat .Ictus religion lo iiwnken
liiimuuiiy 10 morui rousciousiitws. "
A nsl unul I'UUUli'ss of leliglotis win held ul TsulilJI November I,
4 nnd 6, ii 1 1 ended bv fiuir hundred priests mid mluitUrs rsnrriutut
lug tlie alii nlu, lluililhltU and Christian wni'iuxiilluiis u( all .Ihumu
Mr Twkuimml vililirstlnu lli rongri mIi) 1 1ml hIihn llif rHfN
IklUiM ut the tlirin rrllulmis taut for tho lint tiniu but mar uui
iJoi!ijl llwi at) rr KorVlMX for ht imui"u fllui uf MWuriM
h$ mm $ swimm hip. ii" iirrw WMfr ifcM usa tikvu nvt
ItoJ ii auuja ttqi in,, iiijiy it,i uujiiiaii w,ai umtm' lUSft.
i uiini ttu u no ij mo ii rriiaiuitfii uuiuuii ur uta n
i' II i mint .,..( would toittjr U Uhi TnW aiijlkajp)
)., ii, ..... .nt ii,. i u( . wtnU up is imirm wSif 11 Cp
m&" " flr.r'i r 'r uwk"
. it., a.... f it, iii Umt iMlf lulhmiWW')! U vvij u 'Mo In Apifl, iPIi
- - --.- - -.
Mpker t hMp ' ark dm not look very crlotulr on the necessity
f mm ",.! s.i ntmiiU fur u shuns! defensr. He lays (.hflti "This
i heme nt kmh stmnuicnls is the must Idiotic pcrfoitnunre known
Wong men Wo, of all men. nre the Bte.ttert Idiots to be euxaged In
t, liersnie nn iirroutit of our sHullnr lind Iflvorable geogtHphlial
ItHHtlan and our loiiiisr.se wrulth and tremendous population no
tin the fsie af the rnrth Is lining to jump on ui or. If It did, il
Toulil jump tin very suddenly. The United Slates ouuht to lend in
:his matter of disarmament, nnd I bcllcvt it ought for Ike leasoti that
stated nt favorable geogrnpliirnl position, our great popu ntlotl,
ur great wealth, nnd our indnmltnble spirit.
"Suppo we get Into a war ,vvlth one of the great powers and
t should rapture I'loridn, or it should capture New York, or It should
npture Mnine, or II should rntiture California, everybody knows they
mild not hold it; we would fight them until the rrnrk of doom but
liifl we would get It back. Thev could not ho'd a foot nf it. 1 sup-me
the world takis not lie of the fact that we won In every wnr
n c ever engaged in,
"It Is the strangest thing thnt mortal man ever heard thnt when
re lmd Il.OOO.IKH) people and ii,ntlO,(HlO people nnd 10,01111000 people
mil lS,t'00,C00 people, and so on clear up, wo were not ufruivl of
un the face of the earth, and that nobody jumped on usi It Is n
.i'tnricnl fmt that we forced every wnr we over hndj but now, when
e have 100,000,000 people and $'1-10,000,(100,000 of wealth, a lot of
eople are going around over the country nnd trying to scam us by
'he ns'iirtion thnt somebody is going to jump on us. i
"They ued (icrtuntiy ns the ruvv head nnd bloodynlones, until ,lt. beanie
ridlcu'ous in the eves of the world, (lermnuv was held .up In
his Houm ns the great terror to Americans. After they had worn
that absolutely threndbnre, or 'to a frarzle,' a a distinguished
trnveler would sny when it wns proved thnt Germany vvtls friendly
to us, then they grabbed .Inpnu and held it up in the same way. There
Is no proof thnt Japan is hostllo to ns. There Is no sense in it, nnd
his resolution ought lo puss when It will give the greatest amount of
force by its utsage." '
For Revenue Only,
A do. tor in an I own town expressed thiKbpIuluu thnt newspapers
ire run for revenue only, whereupon the editor of a country paper in
i neighboring town expressed himself in tho following statement
in his paper:
Whut in thunder do ilottors run for anyway! Do they run for
loryf One good, strong, hea thy doctor's bill will ruu this office six
unit), a. Ait editor works half a day for $3 with an investment of
3000; a dm lor looks wise and works ten minutes for $"00 whit an
r nveslirjeru of 3 icnts tor catnip niul a pill box that casts $1.3.1. The
Iqctor'goes to college for two or three yenrs, gets a diploma and a
triug of woidi the devil himself cannot pronounce, cultivates u look
('gravity that he pawns for wisdom, gets a box of pills, it cnyuse
ud u meat saw, t.t.d sticks out a shingle a full-fledged doctor. Ho
I 1 doctor you until you die nt u stipulated price per visit, and puts
hem in ns thick iistvotir pocket-book will permit. An editor nevei
its his education finished; he Icnrns ns long ns he lives, and studies
.11 lilu liC. 11.. nntu .illiul. n.i.l tin l.ilna lito ...... t .. tm.
... ....- ..... ..i !..- ....1.., ( ...ti, ,.,.., ..u , m .. n .,..1 ,. . ... (.MJ
mil turnips nod keeps the. doctor in town by refraining from printing
he truth about him, We would like to live in that neighboring town
in run a newspaper six iiioutus ami see u ine uoctor wouiii cnnnei)
.!- ...!.... l ! .. ... r . I.. .. .1! ... I.
is iiiiimi (ilium romiuif. il lor unij, 11 ve niuil i
;ct some glory out of it we would n'jree tn take one dose nf his pit's
after first saying our prayers. If the editor makes a mistake he has
o apologize for it,' but if the doctor tnnkes one he buries it. If we
nnke one there Is u lawsuit, tall swearing nnd the smell of sulphur,
but If the doctor makes one there Is u funeral, cut tlotvers ami n smell
of vurnihh. A doctor can use a word a foot long; but if the editor
uses it he has to spell It. If the doctor goes to see another man's
wife he wll' charge the mini for the visit. If the editor calls on
nnother mail's wife he gets a charge nf buckshot. A medical college
can ninke u doctor. You tnn't make an editor; he has to bu born one.
When the doctor gets drunk it is a cns of " overcome by heat,"
and if he dies it is heart failure. When un editor gets drunk' it is too
mull booze and if ho dies it is delirium tremens. The editor works
... L.lfl. U.ir...llT It till., (l.n .In. III. In ...n.l n IT 1 1, n ..ni.l
Progress of the United States
A century survey of the growth of tint United Stntes in
commerce, and Industry is presented In n pamphlet, "Statistical
Record of the Progress of the United States, 1800-11)13." just Issued
')y the Pureiiu of Foreign nnd Domestic Commerco, Department of
'ommercc. The publication contains monetary, tommerclnl mid
statistics of this country and, in less detailed farm, those of the
tiiiiclp':il rintlons of the world nnd the share whltli the United Stntes
iiipplics of ihelr imports und takes, their exports.
In urea tho United States Is shown to have increased from 802,135
square miles in 18110 to 3.020,78!) in 101.1, nnd in popu'atton from
',308,483 to il",028,'ltl7, exclusive of tho Islund territories now under
he American Hug. Meantime the production of basic articles of
shows marked growth: Coal, from 2 tons In 1814 to 477 million
n 1012; pig iron, from 54,000 tons In 1810 to 30 million in 1012; copier,
from 100 tons in lSl.lsto 55S,000 in 1012; petroleum, from 84,000
'(tillons in Ifi.V.I to over 0 billion pillions in 1012: cotton, from 73,000
"mining bn'es of .100 pounds each in 1800 to 14 million in 1012; wheat,
'rotn 84 million bushels in 1840 to 730 million in 1012; und corn, from
'178 million IiueIicIs in 1840 to over 3 billion. in 1012; while, similar In-reuses
arc noted In other produits of agriculture, mining, and manufacture.
The tubles of tho pamphlet show a corresponding Increase in foreign
"oniniprioi Imports, from oT million dollars In 1821 to 1,813 million
In 11)13; und domestic expuits. from .12 million in 1821 to 2,420 million
n 10)3; while the share' which manufactured products (including
tirepared 'foodstuffs) form of the totnl exports Increased from less
linn 18 million dollars in 1821 to 14 billion dollars in 1013.
Other statistical data contained In the publication in question relate
o national finance, education, nerlculturn, transportation, consumption
of leading staples, prices, etc., comprising the principal facts,
n epitomized form, to be presented in the forthcoming 1013 edition
of the Stntisticul Alstrnct of the United States.
Stevenson's Medicine Bottle
For tunny years Hobert Louis Stevenson was u confirmed invalid
flut you never would guess it from his books. In a letter to a
'rle.ni! ho speaks of the fact that ho always has regarded the
Ino bottle" on (he 'iof as the morcst Incident and hasn't pcrtulttod
hem to color his life.
That is the normal attitude of people toward their individual feelings.
Tho average person is occupied with things
The distinctive badge of the sort of invalidism that really hurts Is.
nu extesiivo preoccupation with urhes nnd pains that are essentially
incidental und private. That sort of a preoccupation strikes the
normal rerron ns unwholesome. It Is. 1'or it makes the invalid take
i one-sided view of life.
The remedy is to act outside Interests, as Stovenson did. The
Invalid (iiu't itoji thinking about hlmrelf by merely trying to stop.
Hut he run stop by finding some Interesting things to think about,
Kansas City Star. il
-To Revolutionize" Turkey
Tlm Ttiiklsh weekly 'cvietv, Ishtlhad, has been promptly
for venturing to print nu interview' with the heir apparent, containing
some highly revolutionary (In Turkish eyes) principles.
Among other tilings Prime (lussuf snld' "During my voyages I
stmUvil the orgnnU.ilion of thu llrltWIi stale, und I think It Is
u apply It to any other rurc. The llrltlsli created the
sjslein, thu i'rencli went further by otnblWhlug n
but they enjoy I mm liberty than tlm IllltUli; Hut Hermans
the llrltlsli mure closely. I liavo advised llm iiiluister of public
inslrui Hon In publith u iilillonul ene)clopiieilln. The Turkish
mint le rafuiined. If l.'unpe dues not know us It is nu
MfuMii) nf our language I nm nf opinion linil His members nf (he
luipurlnl family sluiull be ediirnli'd Willi Hie children nf the people.
'I'he prlut kukIiI In iiimo lulu illnm i'iiiiIihI wli I ho people
I'rlwBf nre fui ll' punle, uul I he pivupln for Hie primes, 'I let
I'uutltf aiwuld hul b lb dwiHlilli of llie prlnncs, Tha .Miilmaii
rdWIlKI II Uied M UtnailsrKiry, ami 1)111 nut ucrp u r i t c r I u 1 1
Tl laHl'lal IMMaJllCM of I lie Prlltttl's thoiild i rrrn!!il
4 Utfmw wh4 i all llww Li' fttiilusl wlllj hf piople, Tlie
" "-""-" aMiaa mb liMrer IiiIuih I lie iiiraiLlgti ftf I Un sotrrrlun.
i iliI ii21trhoiailiiMiaiH afinaoatoay Miinal rawff In lint vnMlkcutliu
iJ.'W !' HWJ.
HI) TOWHI5. -We ilnn't want any weatlierjfiitti the maliiUmi but
p dn wni.l in know nlutt wriillier the niiifnlsiid Ims,
1)11. .1. H, II. PIIATT. This Is the most largely ptlciid.l.nnnual
meeting ol the Medical Society of Hawaii which -flits ever been hell
.1. CAltl.O I should worry about who goes away by steamer
,vet. The reason I go down to the waterfront on steamer days Is
to hear the music and get a breath of salt nlr.
CilAltl.K8 A. K. IIOI'KIS'S. I nm truly glad the boss II coming
back tomorrow, bernusn I just love to work. After he gets here
llntihelor and I nre going to put in twenty-four hours a day.
h.M HOP. Maybe If I like I get -All-Chinese players to piny
bull free fcrritis for Carnival ek, tint maybe wo Ilka more get tho
money, Wo till patriotic, lint we u ore patriotic to ourselves,
JUIHIK II. K. COOIT.lt. mny have to cite the man who spread
the rumor that 1 nn'l resigned for contempt of court, but rpully
the joke was a-good one, even if 'the bar association did bite.
We are going to stnrt soon on a catppnlgn to Increase'
the .membership of the various evangelical churches. It is
.not the plan this winter to continue the Bijou Sunday night services.
KDDIi: POdAltTY. There will be a big turnout nt tho Abrou
benefit concert, and, the people will get their money's worth, even
it the merits of tho cnuse did not justify everything that the people
MILKS O 'It 1X1 AX. The correct' translation of the Hebrew phrasa
"Isli ga bibber" is "I should worry" nud is recoguized as such by
nil noted authorities on ancient languages such us myself, Raphael
llyniuu and others. '
DH. 12. It, MAKSIIAIiIi. During nnd after the mosquito campaign
the cases of dengue fever In Honolulu dropped from eighty-six to
one. Xuw they lira becoming more common again; tho mosquitoes
are also Increasing.
D1I. P. Ii. MOHOXO. I think every delegate to the annual mooting
of the Medical Society will be interested In the demonstration
of tlm piilmotur, which will be given In the University Club next
JAMKS A. TJIOMPSOX. Watching tho Capitol and Judiciary
Itulldlng boys p'inctlsliig for the great baseball game on Thanksgiving
Day reminds tno of the timo I was some player. 1 don't know
but I could como back jet.
OHAPIiAIX SCOTT. I trust' that something mny yet be done to
prevent the opening of the beer saloon on the edge of the l.ellolnia
reservation. We have got along well without such a place and ifta
keep on doing better without it.
ufllTOK M. (1. SAXTOS. The specinl number of O wlitcK
Is to bo Issued on December 0 from tho presses of Tho Advertiser,
will probably be the neatest thing in tlm Portuguese langungd which
hns been published this sldn of the Atlantic.
A. 0. M. ItOHKUTsiOX. In tho nbsenco of n Thanksgiving
Proclamation by the (loveriior let each and every ono af us issue
his on ii, in (iciordunce with his views of how thankful ho or ah)
should be for the benefits received during the post year. ,
HUXltY P. O'SUl.liIVAX. I had n tourist come into my oltlce
the other day und wns surprised when he asked ine if I was tho
Secretary of the Territory, 1 learned afterward that ho had taken
(leorgu Clarke for the (loveruor nud had been referred by him to me.
THOMAS TKKADWAY. I wonder If people realize that even n
miirrluge license agent must take somo timq to sleep. It may be
all right for the tuvthicul "Cupid" to be awake all the time, bit!
'it's different with this genuine bearer of tho quiver, bow nnd
flKGltfli: W, PATY. I have been tempted to put down my name
for that pirate eruisu to San Pruucisco in 1015 and if I wore a
younger mnti 1 think 1 would go along, even though I knew tho
crew would carry certain iiumcutiunablc beverages in tho hold of
JOIIX W. CAI.DWIXU On Thrrsdny night four Inches of ruin
fell in Xtiiinnu Valley and the Xitunnii dam lovel roso six feet
which menus several million gallons of water for tho city. For the
next few mouths 1 do not, think there will bo any farther watd
famine, for all of which 1 nm duly thntikful.
PAUhj .1. JAltltKTT. As n sailijdo of what united effort will accomplish,
I want to icatl attention to what is being done with the
St. Louis College Alumni Association. We have n buuch of fellows
who have made up their minds to make tho association the biggest
thing nf the kind in Honolulu it nt, let mo tell you, they aro going
to do It.
LAND COMMIBSTONKIt TUCKi:it. If somo one knew that there
Is a pile of land patents In my office awaiting tho signature of some
"overnor nud thnt several hundred homestendors are howling for
their titles he would not tell thnt everything
is running uloug smoothly and that ho nllght remain away
CAPTAIN HUNT, Twenty.flfth Infnntry. Onr regiment has al-nays
had a good namo'and our men nro proud of tho fact. Depend
upon It, If any man of thu Twenty-fifth goes wrong wo want to know
It. 'lheru will bu no shielding of any guilty one. At tho snme time,
ns a regiment, wo will resent tiny unfounded charges against any
of our men. N
JOHN WISP. I have noticed signs that indicate that tho Dig
Island vote Is about to split. Inasmuch as my homesteadlng duties
will not allow mu to be campaign manager for the party on Oaliu,
1 think it only proper that I should report this split I foresee and
leave it to the couimltteo to retain ma us the split-fixer, ut tho ugir
so much per fix.
V. T. M1TCHKLL. I attended the opening of tho art exhibition
In the Fort street Japanese school yesterday. Ono picture
me, but 1 could neither tell exactly what it was about by looking
at it nor by reading the Jupnncso title ou tho frame. I asked a
JiipuucM! maiden to translate the label. Shu said tho title of the
plptpre was "Cows In tho Afternoon." ,
WILLIAM SUMMEItVIELD, Barrister, Number 4 Chancery Lane
London P. C. My wordl 1 have heard of some in
American courts and of queer strange procedure in American juris
prudeuco but tho spectacle of a barrister paid by tho borough council
to prosecute criminal cases undertaking the defense, of un alleged
criminal in another court surpasses anything in the way of strangeness
that I have seen In my travels through America nud Hawaii
The heart Is a very much suspeited organ, says tho Ohio State
lournal. When n person guts to thinking about it he is most sure
to locate ti trouble. Some one wrote to tho Chicago Tribune doctor
about I''" heart, how it thumped am! how it pulled down his pulsa
to fi.1 mid ran back ngnlu to 100, and thus tho doctor answered htm;
"The condition described Is much more suggestive of tobacco
poisoning than of nlcohul poisoning nnd you do not tell your tobacco
habits, A pulse beat below 72 Is nut a sign of A weak heart or n
bad one. Have a physician exiimliiu you to find out if you liavo n
heart leak. If not, und ou have n nervous heart, he will tell you
how to end that, lie will start by telling you to quit worrying, to
quit watching your heart nud counting your pulse."
Hut suppose he goes to the doctor, who tells him his heart is in
Inn! shape and he will luive to take guod care of himself, how can lie
quit wniiylug or watching his heart or counting ids pulin. Them's
in argnl for you.
Rulers Are Teetotalers
Many of the crowned heads of Diirupu are thfuiselvus total alt
stnliicrs, but give the lot of wine to their friends, King Alfonso
of hpuui drinks ncllher wine nor spirits, nor dues his mother, (June i
Cr.illnn. IDs coiisurl. Queen Vlitorln, occasionally drinks n glass
of wine. Thu )iiuiig King of Spain finds nlcohollc drinks iinjmlul
side, but the ro)iil tulliirs nt Miuliiil ure nmuua und letuiirkably
find wines are served al I lie palace.
King IVidluniid ul llulgiiriii Is u rigid abstainer. II Is said that
Im uiluple.1 this iimne tuiiiu )enrs ago on I he iidvlcn nf his nmlimr
Ihs lulu I'rliicista ('li'iiii'iiiu l 'Orleans, who prcurvcd her brllluut
Isstllllns until ilia illisl ul lo Uiou ninety,
'llm ijut'eu of llulluiid nnd IJuccn llmiiiu of llpllnud are very rUM
ll'V illislLle if iil.i.llni'lusi W'liii s served Im (he yuhm only
!Mys I'MUIH Ht'liNf IlishlrJ Oil II wlit'll lin was uiawltfd. Tb
Iu BM Qitrfm lit m&m tua also JilU" flliLioulu In iniutliil -