Newspaper Page Text
A French Story.
A correspondent of the Baltimore Sun
writing from Paris says:
Here id the last balloon story: Mon
sieui Godard, in his last journey to the
clouds but one, was accompanied by a
single fellow trayeler, who had paid one
thousand francs for the privilege of a
place by the side of the celebrated aero
naut. The weather was splendid and the
balloon reached a considerable height.
"What effu -t has it on you?' inquired
M. Godard of his companion
"^fone whatever," was th'j curt reply.
'I must compliment you,'' said M.
Godard. "You are the first amateur I
have ever known to reach this altitude
without experiencing some emotion."
"Go higher," said the amateur cooly'.
M. Godard threw out some ballast, and
the balloon flew up some sixty yards
'Now, how do yu feel?"
"Just as usual,' said the companion in
a lather petulant tone.
"By Jove!" exclaimed M. Godard, "you
aie a born aeronaut, sir!"
The balloon kept on rising, and when a
few hundred yards higher M, Godard, for
the third time, questioned his compan
ion as to his emotions.
''Emotion-)! Not a trace of emotion,"
The Lecture on Chemistry.
An unemployed actor, disinclined to
rust iu idleness, to say nothing of starving,
determined to "do die provinces" as an
entertainer. The provinces, however, did
not prove the happy hunting-ground he
expected,and when he arrived at a certain
small town in the North, his funds and
his spirits were equally low. The latter
were not raised by the" worthy who had
the letting of the""hall" informing him a
theatrical exhibition would be "nae gude
at a' there but that if he gave a lec
ture on chemistry the place would be
crowded. At this straw our desperate
actor clutched. He would turn scien
tific lecturer, and chance it being discov
ered that he knew nothing of his subject.
The hall was engaged, the bills distribut
ed, his coppers spent upon red-fire, brick
dust, iron-fillings and some innocent
powders the time came, ana the lectur
er stood before a cioweded audience,
without any clear idea oi what he was to
say or do, save that he was going to per
form the old experiment of producing
hydrogen, and a new one of his own in-
ventioa, who he hoped would bring the
performance to a sudden end.
The triendly hall-keeper had borrowed
a pestle and moitar, a Lyden jar, and two
or three retorts, which with a few physic
bottles filled with bright-colored waters,
gave the table quite a seientifiic appear
ance. The pseudo-servant commenced
by reading a few pages of a popular trea
tise on chemistry, by way of introduction,
and then closing the book, trusted to im
pudence to pull him through and pull
him through it did. He says: I explained,
with many mispronounced words, the hy
drogen experiment and then it occured
to me to arrange a little accident, which
would perhaps make them nervous, and
prenare them foi what was to fellow.
Tnis I easily did by thiusting a retort
neck downward into the fire: the frw
drops of water condensed, and burst it
with a loud report. I then proceeded to
explain the dangerous nature ot chemi
cals, dwelt on gun-cotton, sudden death
of experimentalists by fumes, etc, mean
while filling my mortar with brick-dust
and other harmless ingredients. Having
worked the audience up to the required
pitch of nervoutness, I dilated on the dand
gerous and uncertain nature of the com
pound I was mixing. 1 spoke of my bad
he? 1th, and wound up by saying 'Start
ling and marvelous as the announcement
replied he, with the tone of a man who J seem, it is nevertheless true, that if I
feels that he has been taken in.
"Well, so much the worse," said the
neionaut. "I see I shall not be able to
alaun you we have risen high enough,
and we shall now descend."
'Descend?" "Yes certain ly, it would be dangerous
to go higher."
"1 don't care about the danger, and I
don't choose to descend. I am going
highir, I am. I paid a thousand ranc
to experience some emotions I'll have be
foie going down again."
M. Godard burst out laughing. Ke
thought the man was joking.
"Are you going up higher or not?" said
the companion, at the same time grasping
M. Godard by the throat and shaking
him violently. "I intend to have my
M. Godard saw at a glance that he had
to do with a madimn. The dilated eyes,
the turious grasp, the very tone of his
voice left no doubt about that.
But what was to be done? They were
some '5,000 feet high among the clouds a
struggle was out of the question, as one
violent motion of the madman would
be enough to upset the car. All these
thoughts passed M. Godard'smind in less
than"a second. Ills adversary was a pow
erful man, and without loosening his
grasp, he called out, "Ah, my fine fellow,
you have been playing the fool with me.
You have made me pay one thousand
francs and not given me a single emo-
"Well but what would you have me
do asked M. Godard, calmly aud sooth
'I'm going to throw you over," said
the maniac, with a wild laugh "But first,
an idea strikes me I'll go up to the top
of the balloon," and suiting the action to
the word he jumped into the rigging of
'But, my poor friend," said the aero
naut, "you'll kill yourself like that"
The madman uttered a threat. "At
least," said Mr. Godard, "let me put a
rope around your waist to prevent an ac
"Well, be it so," said the madman,
who seemed to see the necesity of some
precaution, and the rope having been at
tached, he recommenced climbing the
rigging of the balloon with the agility of
a squirrel, and in a few moments was
seated on the apex, clapping his hands
and shouting with joy. At once he takes
out of his pocket a large clasp knife, and,
brandishing it aboye his head, yells LU
"Now, you rascal! you wanted to descend,
did you? So you shall, with a venge
ance I" And, before M. Goddard can ut
ter a word, four of the six ropes attaching
tho car to the balloon are cut, and the
car itselt swinging helplessly outside. The
madman\ knife was now touching the
other two, when the arconaut calls out to
to him: "Stop, one word!"
*'No, no down vou go,"
"But let me tell you something, my
friend we are now three thousand feet
high it is true, but that is not high
enough for a thoroughly good fall."
"What do you mean?" asked the
"I mean this, that a fall of only three
thousand feet might not kill me, and I
prefer being killed to being only crip
pled. Oblige me, therefoie, by waiting
un'il we aise three or four thousand feet
"Agreed!" said the madman, who
seemed to enjoy the idea of so prodigious
The aeronaut keeps to his word ne
throws out nearly the whole of his bal
last, and .the balloon shoots up rapidly.
But while the madman is attentive, watch
ing this operation, M. Godard observes
that among the cordage as yet untouched
is the pully of the gas escape. He gently
draws the cord, aud the gas begins to
escape immediately under the spot where
the lunatic is perched. In a few mo
ments the combined effects of the gas and
the now intensely rarefied air arc ap
parent, and the madman sinks into a
state of lcthergy. The aeronaut cau
tiously brings down his balloon, and the
terrible crisis is ended.
were to leave off stirring this mixture for
one single second, the whole of this build
ing and every one therein would be blown
into unrecognizable atoms!" In less than
two minutes theic was not a soul left in
the place except Mr. Mactaggart and my
self, who pitched the stulf away, and
cheerfully divided the profits." Cham-
Wit and Wisdom.
During the war between Augustus
Ciesar and Marc Antony, when all the
world stood wondering and uncertain
which way fortune would incline herself,
a poor man at Rome, in order to be pre
pared for making, in either event, a bold
nit for his own advancement,had recourse
to the following ingenious expedient:
He applied himself to the training of two
crows with such diligence that he
brought them the length of pronouncing,
wlfh~grert distinctness, the one a saluta
tion to Cucsar, ana the other a saluta
tion to Antony. When Augustus returned
conqueror, the man went out to meet him
with the crow suited to the occasion,
perched on his fisr, and every now and
then it kept exclaiming, "Salve, Cmmr
("Had, Ca sar, Con
queror and Emperor Augustus, greatly
struck and delighted with so novel a cir
cumstance, purchased the bird of the man
lor a sum which immediately raised him
A few weeks since there appeared in a
Paris newspaper the following notice:
A widow, young and good looking,
mother of four chi'dren, without fortune,
desires to marry a wealthy and honorable
man. Address B. R."
There were three replies to this letter.
A few days after this notice appeared, a
body was taken from the Seine, and from
evidence obtained it was the husband of
the lady now a widow. He had inserted
the advertisement, finding it impossible
to support his wife and children. A re
ply to the adyertisment had been sent by
a wealthy gentlemin, and the husband
having ascertained that his intentions
were honorable, made his wife a widow
by di owning himself. The gentleman
upon beiug informed of the facts, pledged
himself to educate- the children, and
whether the next chapter will be a mar
riage is uncertain. Where is Enoch Ar
Nothing is more easy than to grow rich.
It is only to trust nobodyto befriend
noneto get all you can, and save all you
getto stint yourself and everybody
belonging to youto be the friend of no
man, and have no man for your friend
to heap interest upon interest, cent upon
centto be mean, miserable and despised
tor some twenty or thirty yearsand
riches will come as sure as disease and
disappointment. And when pretty near
ly enough wealth is collected, by a dis
regard of all the charities of the human
heart, and at the expense of every enjoy
ment, death comes to finish the work
the body is buried in a hole, the heirs
dunce over it, and the spirit goeswhere?
New York Commercial Advertiner.
The voices of the piesent say "Come!"
But the voices of the past say "wait!"
With calm and solemn footsteps the ris
ing tide bears against the rushing torrent
up stream, and pushes back the hurrying
waters. "With no less calm and solemn
footsteps, no less certainty, does a great
mind bear up against public opinion, and
push back its hurrying stream. There
fore should every man waitshould bide
his time not in idleness, not in useless
pastime not in querulous dejection but
in constant, steady, cheerful endeavors,
always willing and fulfilling and accom
plishing his task, that when the occasion
comes, he may be equal to the occasion.
Many, many years ago it was the cus
tom of good old Dr. Peabody, an old
fashioned minister who lived in the town
of Andover, Mass., to build a large open
fire in his kitchen on retiring at night, in
the cool seasons of the year, simply for
the benefit of travelers passing his house
after he had retiredon the way to
and from Boston. His door was never
locked his latch-string was always out
And many and many a time, be writes
in his diary, did he hear in the quiet
watches of the night strange voices by
his kitchen firevoices of passing strang
ers who had tarried for a while under the
roof to enjoy his fire and the shelter.
'Deed, minister, 1 think shame to
come to you," said an old Scooch dame
who had sought the clergyman's kindly
offices for the same purpose on four pre
vious occasions. "What is the matter,
Margaret, that you think shame to come
to me?" 'Deed, sir, it's just this: I've
come to seek ye to marry me again."
"Well, Margaret, I do not see that ye
have any occasion to think shame for
such a purpose. Marriage, you know, is
honorable to all." 'Deed, is't si: but I
hae ow're muckle o't already. I believe
there was never ony poor woman plagut
wi' such deeing bodies o' men as I hae
A child has a right to ask questions
and to be fairly answpred not to be
snubbed as if be was guilty of an imper
tinence, nor ignored as though his desire
for information were of no consequence,
nor misled as if it did not signify whether
true or false impressions were made upon
his mind. He has a right to be taught
everything which he desires to learn, and
to be made certain, when asked-for in
formation is withheld, that it is only de
ferred till he is older and better prepared
to receive it. Answering a child's ques
tions is sowing the seeds of its future
A woman who had spent the greater
part of the day in going to auction sales,
concluded she wouln attend service at a
fashionable church in New York on her
way home. Wearied' and wo-n out, she
soon becam oblivious to her surroundings,
and was only awakened by the rustling
ot the congregation' as they arose to re
ceive the benediction, Seeing the minis
ter's hand raised int the air. she waved
her handkerchief at him, and said, in a
firm, clear voice, "I'll take the green
waahstand, if you'll throw in the bowl
and" pitcher."Andrew's Bazar. 4
All mothers work for their children
wilMngly, but not all give their sympa
thy- Let any woman- reckon over the
minutes of the day when she is her
child's companionnot nurse, nor seam
stress, nor instructorand she will b^
startled to discover how little there is in
common between her thoughts and theirs.
It will be sufficient wth all thoughtful
mothers t. make this discovery in order
to try to bring about a change in this
If Adam could for ten inmates come
to life would he recognize the old place,
the same old city lots, the same old lem
ons, oranges, figs, elephant*, snakes,
dandelions, pie plant, peanuts, sassafars
and persimmons th^t he used to name
up and chalk down? All would be gone.
He would recognize naraght. But if he
happened to wander into the negro min
strels he could hear the same old jokes.
Os7ikoa7i Christian AfJvoeate.
A friend is a person with whom I may
be sincere. I arrive at last in the pres
ence of a man so real and equal, that I
may drop even those undermost garments
of dissimulation, courtesy and second
thought, which men never put off, and
may deal with the simplicity and whole
ness with which one chemical atom meets
What the Fortune-Teller Said.
A fair to medium Detroiter went home
to supper the other night to find that his
wife had entered the house only a mo
ment before him, and he naturally in
quired where she had been.
"Richard,"" she answered, in a very
sober way, "I have been to consult a
"What!" he exclaimed, turning pale a
an instant and staggering back against
"Yes, I have been to consult a fortuae
teller," she went on, as the tear3 came to
"Bosh! madam! Fortune-tellers are
"Richard, this fortune-teller told
"I won't hear it want none of their
nonsense-!" he interrupted.
"Richard, it concerns you!"
"I don't care! I want my supperI
have no time for foolishness!''
"Richard, she says that you are"
"I tell you I won't hear any of her
balderdash! She lied about me, of couise,
and I'll make her take it back or go tu
"Richard, won't you let me say that she
said you were gradually killing yourself
by too close attention to business?"
"Did she say that?"
"Why, of course she did!"
"Lizzie, forgive my ha^sh words. I see
that they tell the truth and the truth only.
After supper I'll get a carriage and we'll
ride out, and while we are down town
you had better get that new bonnet you
spoke ot VDetroit Free Press.
How to Take Life.
Take life just as though it wasas it
isan earnest, vital, essential affair.
Take it just as though you personally
were born to the task of performing a
merry part in it-as though the world
had waited for your coming. Take it as
if it was a grand opportunity to do and
achieve, to carry forward great and good
schemes to help and cheer a suffering,
weary, it may be heart-broken brother.
The fact is, life is undervalued by a great
majority of mankind. It is not made
half as much of as should be the case.
Where is the man or woman who accom
plishes one tithe ot what might be done?
Who cannot look upon opportunities lost,
plans unachieved, thoughts crushed, as
pirations unfullfilled, and all caused
from the lack of the necessary and pos
sible effort It we knew better how to
take and make the most of life, it would
be far greater than it is. Now and then
a man stands aside from the crowd, labors
earnestly, steadfastly, confidently, and
straightway becomes famous for great
ness of some sort. The world wonders,
admires, idolizes yet it only illustiates
what each may do if he takes hold of life
with a purpose. If a man but say he
will, and follow it up, he may expect to
accomplish anything reasonable.
A Valuable Dog.
Thomas W. Lane was recently gunning
in West Roxbury, when his doga full
blooded English setterbrought and de
posited at Irs feet a large pocket book,
which, upon examination, proved to con
tain $425 in currency and some papers of
value. It proved to be the property of
Mr. Langley, of Cambridgeport, who had
been gunning in that locality, and had
met with the above-mentioned loss, and
after a fruitless search had given it up.
Mr. Langley desired Mr. Lane to accept
a suitable bonus for the lucky find,
which Mr. Lane refused thereupon Mr.
Langly insisted upon making the dog a
present of $30 to be invested in a silver
A Boston man has a vest that Fanny
Fern made with her own hands. Aud
we will bet $100 that it never did and
never will fit any man in this wide, wide
world that they can't tell by its shape
whether it was originally made for a fat
woman or a lean man, for a man with a
sway back, or a man with a hump on his
back like a camel. Woman, Heaven bless
her! is the light of our homes, but when
she tries to make a man's vest the angels
weep And when she makes a pair ot
pantaloons for him the immortal gods just
hold their sides and run away out into
the woods and roll on the grass and howl.
Three Small Lads.
lhree small lads, in their childish glee,
Chased a butterfly over the lee
Keeping its brilliant wings in view,
Fa-t they followed, as fast it flew,
Hither and thither, with eager eyes.
Ran the children to seize the prize
Swinging their kerehiefs deftly looped,
On they hurried and leaped arid steeped.
One in his palm had deemed it caught,
Off it darted
there wa laughterthought.l from al and each,
Mirthful shoutings and merry speech
Till the lukiest boy of the band
Caught and showed it alive in his hand.
"Pay the prize money, pay ray due,"
Cried the boy and a qarrel grew.
All were struggling th^butterfly.
Snatched at, and squeezed, and pulled away,
Lost what made it desired before
Lost the beautiful wings it wore
Only a bare worm mei their eyes.
So with us, who have long pursued
Eagerly some unreal good,
After our struggles and all our pains
Only the naked cheat remains.
W. C. Bryant.
From Harpers Bazar.
Among fashions ftjc the demi-seasona
term usee* in Paris to designate the novelties
which make their appearance in the spring
and autumnextremely long corsages are in
preparation. Moreover, as the fashion of the
demi season generally is-a trial for the defini
tive fashaon, we may conelade that in the
winter corsages will be worn which will re
semble wrappings rather than corsages in
dimensions. These fashions of the demi-sea
son are the seeds which contain the future
harvest but all seeds do- not take root and
grow. As regards long corsages, howeA er, I
believe that their adoption is almost certain.
They are made in the shape of jackets, and
with paniers that is to say the basque on
each hip is slightly bouffant and purled. For
dinner aud evening toilettes these corsages,
always-veryiong, are sometimes open in front
to the belt, and completed by plastrons cover
ed with several rows of white lace. Some
times, too, the corsage opens from top to bot
tom over a vest composad, like the plastron,
of rows of gathered lace. This stjle i becom
ing only to extremely slender women, and all
who aro inclined to embonpoint should care
fully avoid it. Wrappings are also in prepar
ation for the demi-season, chiefly mantelets
and Dolmans (the latter differing in style
from the old Dolman). There are also some
paletots, but in small numbers. The prefer
ence generally will be- for long, ample wrap
pings, which will give the wearer the air of
being warmly clothed. Plaid goods have
hitherto been employed specially for accesso
ries, such as vest, plastron, revers, etc. Bands
of woolen goods iu plaid designs will also be
used as trimmings for wrappings of light cloth
designed for the derai-seasou, these bands be
ing embroidered in silk. These wrappings
will also be trimmed with deep galloons of
cloth, likewise trimmed with embroideiy.
The great luxury for toilettes of the sum
mer and autumn is represented bj dresses of
lustrous white silk, trimmed with a profusion
of white lace and an innumeiable host of
bows of very narrow ribbon in several colors.
Sometimes there is combined with the wh'te
silk, white muslin or white silk gauze, but,
abo all, plain white India mouwlinc dc lame.
This latter material will create a iuror in the
winter, being,employed in all light shades,
and chiefly in white for dinner and evening'
dresses, and will be adopted principally by
young girls and,very young married ladies.
It is known that in the city one can not go
out without a wrap. This rigorous law, how
ever, is modified as regards country, sea-side
or travelling costumes. It is partly with a
view to facilitating these modifications that
extremely long corsages, made chiefly in the
shape of a jacket, enjoys such great favor.
These corsages are, in fact, considered as rep
resenting wappings. When it is warm, a
fichu or scarf of lace or crepe de Chine is
thrown over the shoulders aud -when cool,
one wraps up in a shawl. The prettiest
dresses for the dcmi-season ai made of plain
India cashmere in a medium shade, neither
too light, as tho summer is past, nor too
dark, as the winter has not yet come. To
indicate the approach of the season of dis
play, the cashmere is tiimmed with a beau
tiful and expensive material of striped silk
in two colors. I have seen in preparation a
toilette of mouse irray India cashmere.
The back of the corsage, the cuffs, the three
storied vest(simulating three A csts worn one
abo\e another), and the bottom of the skiH
were made of the striped silk, the stripes being
alternately old gold color and lapis blue. This
woolen dress was extremely elegant. The
dress was short, out it must not be supposed
that short dresses have dethroned and re
placed dresses with trains. They merely
share the kingdom, like ruleis who reign
simultaneously, one in the T\est the other in
the east, in a domain too large to remain un
divided. Although short dresses are worn
pnncesse dresses aud skiits with trains are
not at all abandoned, but merely re^en cd for
dinner and evening toilettes. In the morning
before dresshig,short costumes only are woin.
Among these are seen many corsages with
stomaeheis, and shirred. It cannot be said
that this is prettynay, it must be confessed
that it is uglybut then it offers a little
\ariety, and the eye loves change. The type
of one of these costumes is as follows Round
skirt of plain rose batiste, tummed with a
pleated flounce over-skirt longer than the
undcr-skirt, but looped up in such fashion as
to show the unaer side, which is entirely
covered with deep embroidery worked with
rose-colored and white cotton. Corsage with
stomacher, cut square in fi ont and in the back
extremely long, and confined at the waist by
a belt covered with similar embroidery. The
stomacher, as well as the cuffs and the under
edge of the corsage, is entirety covered with
similar embroidery. The corsage is plealed
in the middle of the front and in the middle of
the back. Instead of batiste in the fall will be
employed India cashmere or India mousscHnc
Moreover, it is not difficult, out simply im
possible, to specify the piesent fashions. All
epochs are confounded, and all eras are seen
side by side. The historic costume of the
reign of the last four or five kings of France
fraternises with the fashion oc
the First Re
public, of the Directorie, of the Consulate, and
of the two Empires. The course of history
is the course of fashions,but to understand the
latter no attention should be paid to the
chronological order of dates. The toilettes for
children only are seen in a A ery definite style
which is at the same time sensible, conven
ient, and pretty. The English dress at pres
ent is worn by all children, by little girls to
the age of eleven years, and little boys up to
the age of six years. The English dress is all
in one piece, loose-fit'ing, and the trimming
frequently simulates a wrap of the same
material worn over the dress. Thus attired,
the little body unconfined moves at ease and
develops to the benefit of health. Both in
the summer and winter children in Paris wear
the English dress. In summer their coiffure
is generally composed of a shirred hat of
white linen, which may be taken apart and
washed as easily as"a handkerchief.
Lingerie seems to be entering on the sensi
ble road of a vision of power, already in
augurated by the fashion which at the same
time recognizes the short costume and lone
dress Just as there are toilettes for the
morning aud for the evening, there will also
be lingerie plain and simple for short cos
tumes, and -rich and' ornamental for afternoon
toilettes. We have returned to richly em
broidered collars, and it is even announced
that they will be worn straight around the
neck without being turned down, just as
they were worn twenty or thirty years ago.
The sleeves, tight #t the wrist, are always
completed by Hat cuffs worn over the sleeves
Embroidered handkerchiefs, so long abandon
ed, have again become the fashion, and! some
are made which are admirable in design and
execution. For morning wear fashion dic
tates that the collar, cravat, cufrs, and hand
kerchief should be trimmed with the same
embroidery, all white, or sometimes mraed
with colored cotton.
All Sort* of Paragraphs.
A green ageFoliage.
The warm seasonPepper.
The best thing outOut of debt
A false scentA counterfeit penn\.
A 6pnng-bcd makerThe gacdonei.
No bank should be without a chost-pro
When a man lsses his balance, whore dbes
The motto of lovers is, "E plural bues- juia
The man who made a pointThe proof
The rabbit is timid, but no' cook can maks
A grocer both sells his goods and givss
them a weigh.
Show may be purchased but happiness is- a
Angle-wormsfo fishing, should be dug the
day before and left in the grass.
These are the times that try men's boles.
Sole let u6 be careful of our shoes.
Two things go off in a hurryAn arrow dis
missed from a bow, and a bow dismissed by. a
William Cullen Bryant was a precocious
youth, aud at ten years of age translated Latin
A long man trying to whisper to. a. short
girl resembles the letter S walking with a
Don't put ofl' until to-morrow that which
you can do to-day, unless you are going into
the poetry line.
A collector of coins is anxious to get a
dime from She moon after she has- changed
her last quarter.
"Love is an eternal transport!" exclaimed
an enthusiastic poet. "So is a canal boat,"
said a practical old forwarding merchant.
A correspondent wants to know whether,
considering the great utility of the ocean,
poets are not wrong in calling it a -'waste of
Every one should lay up something 5or a
rainy day. If we can't do anything else, a
majority of us can at least lay up a Utile rheu
An unsuccessful lover was asked by what
means he lost his divinity. "Alas!" cried he,
"I flattered her until bhe got too proud to
speak to mc."
Speaking of danr ing, a clergyman hits the
nail on the head Avith the remark that "peo
ple usually do more evil with their tongues
than with their toes."
One kind word spoken to a tramp may
cheer his whole future life. Heuiember this
when you see him walking ofl. with fifty feet
of your garden hose.
An unsophisticated New England commer
cial traveller, on reading the sign, "General
Meieh#,ndise," on a store, walked in and asked
if he could see the General
A Chicago clergyman startled hts flock a
few Sunday evenings ago by telling them "hell
is not half as fnll of mean men and women as
men and women are full of hell.*'
There is a fortune in store for the genius
who can invent a way of carrying home a
mackereloo it will resemble a parcel contain
ing twenty-six yards of bilk for his dear wife
"John, "&aid a cockney solicitor to his son,
"I see you'll never do for an attorney, you
have no henergy." "Skuse me, father." said
John, "what I want is"some o-f your chick'in-
"Oh, yes," she said, "I'm very fond of little
boys," and as she tripped on a string stretch
ed acoss the pavement, she added "I feel as
though 1 could eat a couple of 'em this min
"My dear,*' asked Mrs. J. of her husband,
on coming home from church the other dav,
"what was the sweetest thing you saw in
ladies bonnets':!" "The ladies' faces," was the
Elizabeth Allen, in a poem, asks,. '-Oh wil
low, why forever weep?" Elizabeth is a lit
tle mistaken as to the facts. It isn't the willow
that weeps,.it is the boy who dances under
the limber end of it.
A man needs to keep a winter undershirt,
fan, "hot Scotch," linen coat, ulster, mint ju
lep, seal-skin cap, mosquito net and umbrella
at both ends of the line to accommodate the
whimsies of the thermometer.
coxcomb, talking of the transmigration
of souls, said: "In th time of Mose, I have
no doubt I was
fhee golden calf. ''Ver
likely," replied a lady, "and time has robbed
you of nothing but the gilding."
Two ancient looking grasshoppers resting
gracefully against a fence and anxiously wait
ing the gro .vth of the little spears of grain, is
the latest pictorial illustration of that path
etic song, ''In the wheat bje aud b\e.'~
"John, did you take the note to Mr. JonesV"
"Yes but I don't think he can read it." "Why
so, John?" "Because he is blind, sir. While I
was in the room, he axed me twice where mj'
hat was and it was on my head all ihe time.'-
The owner of a pair of bright eyes says
that the prettiest compliment sbe eyer re
ceived came from a child of four years. The
little fellow, after looking intentlv at her eyes
a moment, inquired naively, "Are \our eyes
A steamer plying in California keeps
trained sheep on board, which goes out on
a is to
bedloaded, that th approacHock is safe an to act
as a pilot for the herd, which readilj follows
it on to the boat.
A little girl was reproved for playing out
doors with the bojs, and informed that, being
seA'en years old, she was "ioo big for that
now." But, with all imaginable innocence,
she replied, ''Why, the nigger we irrow the
better we like 'em.'*
The dried kernel of the cocoanut, called in
the South Sea Llands "copra," is being turn
ed to new account. Hitherto it has only
been used for making oil, but it'has been
discovered that after having served that pur
pose it is valuable cattle food.
A torn cat is a more independent animal
than man. When a man comes home at 2 or
3 o'clock in the morning he slip3 in as quietly
as possible, but a torn cat don't seem to care.
The later the hour, and the nearer the house
it approaches, the leuder it yells.
"Ma, has your tongue got legs''" "Got
what, child?" "Got legs, ma?" "Certainly
not but why do you ask that question?" "O
nothing only I heard pa say that your tongue
was running from morning till night." Then
pa had to take another "running."
Mother (to sixteen-yeaT-old daughter)"So
you enjoyed your walk, Kate. Did
you go all the distance alone Daughter
'O, yes, mamma, quite alone." Objectionable
Younger Brother"Then how is it, Kit, that
you took out an umbrella and brought home
A soldier was sentenced, for deserting, to
have his ear cut off, After undergoing ihe or-
deal, he was escorted out of the court-yard
to the tune of "Rogue's March." He then
turned, and, in mock dignity, thus addressed
the musicians: "Gentlemen, I thank you bat
I have no ear for muMc."
A Boscon lady sent her little bor to a drug
store the other day to get a porous plaster,
and charged him to be carcfm not to forget
what he was soing after. He west out repeat
ing the words to himself, and in a few minutes
came back saying:' Here, mamma this is the
poorest one 1 tood du."
The fashion reporter who wrote with refer
ence to a be.le, "Her dainty feet were encased
in shoes that might be taken for rairv boots,"
tied his wororobe up in a handkerchief and
left for parts unknown when it appeared the
next morning: "Her dirty feet were encased
in shoes that might be taken for ferry-boats."
He said the pastry was ever sevmuch better
made by her hands. This delighted her. But
when she wanted the coal-scuttle at the other
end of the room, and he suggested that she
should get it, as the fire would fael so much
better if the coal was brought by her dear
hands, she was digusted. Women are so
A vounerlady of the age of seven, who is de
servedly a pet of her household, but is a little
exacting, and given to bemoan aerself as be
ing rather neglected and "sat' upon" in her
family circle than otherwise, said the other
day. "Nobody ever cared for me, for even
when I was born my mother and" all my sis
ters were away at the seaside.''
Wnile a young vender of greens was en
deavoring to dispose of his stocb in trade, his
poor old crowbait balked and refused to
bulge an inch. The driver flualiy commenced
belaboring the animal with a biff stick, when
an old lady thrust her head out of a window
and exclaimed: "Young man, have you no
mercy?" "No, mum," replied the peddler,
"noth'n but greens
Stutterers are compelled to take life easily
whether they will or no. Two men tbm
afflicted were at work at a forga. The iron
was red hot and placed on the anvil, when
the fust one said: "John, s-s-strtke it hard."
The other answered: "Jim, wh-wh-wherc shall
I hi-hit?" "No m-m-matter now, it's got
co-co-cold," was the it-ply, and the bar was.
put into the forge again.
Said a young husband, whose busiueoa
speculations were utiMicccftSful. "Mv wife's
silver tea set, the bridal gift of a rich uncle,
doomed me to financial luin. It involved a
hundred unexpected expenses, which, trying
to meet, made me the bankrupt that I am.'*
His ib the experience of many otheib less
wise, who do not know what is the goblin in
the house working destruction.
"Meander," said Mrs. Spilkins, tho other
morning, as the former was preparing to
leave the house, "When commending mv
good qualities, why arc jou like a wool
grower*" "Something about sheep in it,
ain't there?" queried Spilkins. "Just like
you!" she replied. "The answer ib: Because
jou area she-praiser." "Knew it all the time,"
chuckled Leander, as he slammed the door and
whistled for apassiner street-oar.KTchanqe.
A correspondent writing from New
Yoik says: "Stewart provided i.i his
will that all his business and real estate
directly connected with it should be in
herited by Judge Hilton,, who had been
his confidential adviser for several years.
All other real estate hebequeathed to his
wife. The actual value of the
business aud of the real property con
nected with it was not known then nor
has it been made known since. The
whole was estimated atr thirty millions,
and I am inclined to think that figure
was not much out the way.
It included the wholesale house it
Chambers street, the retail house at Tenth
street, and some twenty mills engaged in
manulactuiing for the linn. All the
hotel property was outside of the busi
ness, and together- with a number of
houses in different parts of the cit went
to Mrs. Stewart. Those who spea'c of the
decline say that the business p.'.rt ot the
estate is worth $5,000,000 less to-rlay
than at Stewart's death, and some of
them predict that five years more will
produce bankruptcy, tiuch predictions,
however, are sometimes mere folly, and
this may be one of that .sort.
The estimated value ot the entire reai
estate in this city in 18T.*5 was $10,000,000.
This included the two stores, which wero
supposed to be worth $3,000,000. The
uptowu store is built on leased ground,
and the fee is no so valuable as it might
be supposed. Doductins the value of tho
fotores, which became the property ot
Hilton, the real evato boqueathed to Mrs.
Stewart was worth $7,u00,000 a year be
fore her husband's death. As much of
this property ie in part-* of the city which
are steadily going backward, such as
Bleeker btreet, Amity street. Ninth street,
Prince street and so on, its value has un
dergone a serious decline since that time.
Good Judges say thai at le ut $2,000$
000 must be taken off for depieciation.
They rpeak in tins way of the property
at Hempstead, and with probability
as much reason. There is no doubt that
the whole estate has shrunk several mil
lions since Stewart's death but then It is
not by any neans certain that the same
tiling would not have Happened if Mr.
Stewart was still alive. Some very shrew.1
business men have become bankrupt
withia the past throe years.
How They Keep Clean in .France.
The Liliputian water pitchers in the
chambers hrst arrest attention, says Pren
tice JUnlford, in one of nis recent Paris
letters. There are few water pitchers in
Paris holding over a quart. The landlord
is sent for, and laquest made for a more
commodious watar pitcher. An English
or an American family can't be washed
in a qarat ot -ft-ater," The landlord of
lodgings by the month answers with a
grin and a shrug. That's all the increased
water piivilej.:** you'll get out of him.
The chamber noor needs-scrubing. The
French dictiosary i consul ed for words
suitable for "-po.il," '-soap," an i a "scrub
bing brush.'" The interpretation is con
veyed to tho landlord. "But they never
scrub chamber rloois in France. They'll
scrub a court-yard, a bridge, or a dog.
On the quays one may continually see
men whoi busines3 it is to scrub dogs in
the river, but never chamber floors.
They'll wax your loor. Tney'll wax ov?r
the dirt, and when the next deposit accu
mulates they'll was that. Every time wc
endeavored to interpiet "scrub,' "pail,"
"soap," and "brush" to our landlord he
went through a strange pantomime ot
kicking backward and forward with his
right leg. That's ali we could get out of
him. But when scrubbing time, as we
supposed it would be, come, the interpre
tations became plain. He meant the
waxing process. This required the use of
the landlord's leg and baie foot. Yes.
He kicKed off one shoe and stocking,
stepped OH his hunk of wax, grabbed it
with his toe and heel, and waxed the floor
thus as easily as if his right leg had been
his right arm. Tnat's ail the scrubbing
we could get out of him.
It is said that lice may be kept from
poultry by placing pieces of the bark of
sassafras root in their nests.