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All Sorts of Paragraphs.
The Siamese Twins were the cham
pion double scullers.
Samson can be recognized in the ora
torio by his long 'airs. .
Many a calf will be oowhided if he
rives long enough.
Active benevolence is the rich man's
only chance of happiness.
A year of pleasure passes like a float
ing breeze, but a moment of misfortune
seems an age of pain.
"The men of to-day are too high
strung," says a Chicago paper. Some
of them are not strung high enough.
A weak mind is like a microscope,
which magnifies trifling things, but can
not receive great ones. — ChesterjieJiK
To prevent glue from cracking when
dry, add about one table-spoonful of
glycerine to a pint of solution while it
It is sometimes a question whether
the goat in the back yard or the oleo
margarine on the hotel table is the
A Spaniard in Spain takes off his hat
and gives a salute when he is entering
a car, and when he addresses a friend
or a stranger he throws open his cloak.
Smoked Salmon a la Franc ais.—
Take some slices of smoked salmon and
fry them in boiling sweet oil or fresh
butter, then serve a la Maitre d'Hotel.
"Sufferer" — The best remedy for
cold feet is to put them in the small of
your wife's back upon retiring. By
hobbling Lor, all danger from kicking
will be avoided.
A city broker, visiting a country lady
and wishing to increase her knowledge
of affairs, asked her if she knew what
"watering stock" meant, to which she
replied. "Of course I do; it is giving
the cows drink."
A coy arose one winter morn.
And came t.> breakfast rather late,
Yet rais< d a fuss because there wtM
No Dice pancake upon his plate.
kttaer took him o'er his knee;
d he bin hand oft through the air,
An ■ when the boy got loose from him
He i.i-.l his spauUache in the chair.
Cigars, the scientists have discov
ered, contain acetic, formic, butyric,
valeric and propionic acids, prussie
acid, creosote and carbonic acid, am
monia, sulphuretted hydrogen, pyri
dine, verodine, picoline, lutidine, coi
lodine, parvoline, corodine and rubi
The estimated numbers of religious
denominations among the English
speaking communities throughout the
world are: Episcopalians, 18,000,000;
Methodists, 16,U00,000; Roman Catho
lics, 13.500,000; Presbyterians, 10,250,
-000; Baptist?, 8,000,000; Congregation
alists, G,nO( >,000; Uuitarians, 1,000,000;
minor religious sects, 1,500,000; no par
ticular religion, 8,500,000. Total, 83,
Johnny ha 3 never learned anything
about figures. On Independence day
a circus came to town, and, after the
procession had passed the house where
Johnny lives, he had much to tell of
what he had seen to all his little
friends; but he told some very long and
large stories, and one day he said JL&t
he saw in the procession, marching side
by side, 1,800 elephants! "That's a
whopper/ said Henry Nickle ; "I don't
believe that." "Well," said Johnny,
"I saw a funny camel, anyway, and I
can believe that myself."
The question arises : "Is there any
connect. on between the tiresome and
unvaryiug drudgery of the life of a
farmer's wife and the meaningless jab
ber <w an insane asylum?" for it is well
known that farmers' wives form no
small proportion of the unfortunates
found in insane asyiums. It is certain
ly fair to presume that the question
should be answered in the affirmative,
for endless monotony will wear the fiber
of any ruind, and cause aberration, or
else react ou the body and create dis
ease, and such a result is all the more
likely if overwork be added to monot
ony and drudgery. — Dr. Footers Health
How to Extemporize Eadishes. —
Kadishes may be grown in a very few
days by the following method: Let
some good radish seed soak in water for
twenty-four hours, then put in a bag and
expose it to the sun. In the course of
the day germination will commence.
The seed nrust be sown in a well-man
■ired hotbed, and watered from time to
time with lukewarm water. By this
treatment the radishes will in a very
short time acquire a sufficient bulk and
be good to eat. If it be required to get
good radishes in winter during the
severe cold, an old cask should be
sawn in two, and one-half of it filled
with g-ood earth. The radish seed
beginning to shoot as before must be
then sown in, the other half of the bar
rel put on top of the full one, and the
whole of the apparatus carried down
into the cellar. For watering, lukewarm
water should be used as before. In the
course of live or six days the radishes
will be fit to eat.- New England Far
-piter's diameter is about
eB that of the earth, and his
mean density is about a quarter that
of the earth, or about a third more than
water. Now, a bulky body may be com
posed of heavy materials, and still, as a
whole, be iicrht, like an iron ship or
lump of pumice stone, that will float in
water. The pnmice lump is light on
account of its vesicular formation, so
that the mass consists of heavy fels
pathic material and the air it contains.
Extract the air, and the pumice loses
its floating power, though still far from
heavy in proportion to its bulk. Most
of the earth's orost is formed of soiids
much heavier than water. Granites are
more than two and a half times heavier
than water, slaty rocks about the
same, and so are ordinary limestones,
the variations of all being from about
2.5 to 2.9. The ironstone group con
tains denser minerals; red hematite has
a specific gravity of 4.5 ; magnetic iron
stone, 4.5 to 5.2, etc., and many other
ores are heavy. At some remote peri
od, when only part of the now-solid
earth had been condensed from gaseous
and vapory matter, our planet might
have had a mean density like that of
Jupiter, as its rocky materials contain
between 40 and 50 per cent, of oxygen ;
and, while condensations and chemical
combinations were going on rapidly,
our globe must h*ve been the scene of
Thunders, lightnings, and prodigious storms.
And it is probable that certain stars
which have suddenly blazed forth with
passing splendor have exhibited to us
the spectacle of conflagrations extend
ing over millions and billions of square
miles. Color-changes in Jupiter — such
us those noticed by Mr. Browning and
the writer in 1869-70— may have been
caused by soda- flames, though not
fierce enough or extensive enough to
add materially to his ordinary lumin
osity, which is estimated as always ex
ceeding, though not in a very high de
gree, what it would be by mere reflec
tion of light received from the sun.—
a spring time when the warbling
Of the birds is heard alway,
Shall we not enjoy their singing -
In the balmy air, I pray?
When flowers their leaves unfolding,
Bursting into nature's bloom,
Shall we not, the hours beguiling,
Thus enjoy their sweet perfume?
In summer when hill and valley
Are arrayed in living green,
When the days are warm and sultry,
We'll enjoy the cooling stream.
When the dewdrops kiss the flowers
As they raise their tiny heads,
We will seek the rosy bowers
By some guardian angel lea.
In autumn, when the leaves are falling,
And mosquitoes fill the air.
When luscious fruit is ripening,
We'll partake of dainty fare.
When the music of the water
Laughing comes from brook and stream.
'.Then the golden harvests totter,
May we not of plenty dream?
In winter, when cold and chilly,
And tbe gnowfiikea fill the air.
We will help the poor and needy—
They shall of our bounty share.
When the hoary frosts of winter
Blanch the fields and fill the air,
When the Christmas dinner's ready,
May I meet my loved ones there.
— Cikcago Ledger'
It was a lovely night in the month of
August that I sat on the porch of old
Uncle Toby's house not yet entirely re
covered from the impressions made by
a glorious sunset, which even then leit
its footprints upon the clouds in the
western sky. .
My horse stood at the gate already
saddled, awaiting me, but I was deter
mined not to leave Uncle Toby's house
until I had carried my point, and, be
ing his nephew, I had enough of the
same old blood in my veins to make me
as persevering as he was obstinate.
"Uncle Toby, I must have that bird."
"Wa'al, nefly, ask me for anything
else in the house except that and it is
"I don't want anything else, Uncle
Toby, but that you must give me."
" Wa'al now, nelly, you know that ere
carrier-pigeon took the first prize at the
" Which fact will only make me prize
it dearer. Come, now, Uncle Toby, be
"Wa'al, boy, the bird is your'n. You
always had your own way with old Un
To say that I was delighted would
but faintly express my feelings. The
bird was a beauty, as may be easily
imagined and as I bid old Uncle Toby
good-night, and mounted my pony, with
the cag£ in my hand containing the
prize I to dearly coveted, I rode home
with a light heart, and a brain filled to
overflowing with plans in which the
bird's speed ■would be tested. Numer
ous valuable prizes seemed already to
be within my grasp as I reached home,
and, having stablnd my horse, ascended
to my dark and lonely room.
I was but 16 years of age at the time,
and on the night in question I was the
sole and only occupant of my father's
mansion, the other members of the
family having gone on a summer trip
to the mountains, leaving me in charge.
My room was on the second floor,
overlooking the ro . • , and thither I had
taken my bird, ere in my solitude
I could quietly adi_iire its beautiful pro
Extinguishing my lamp, I sat by
the open window, contentedly smoking
my pipe and enjoying the cool breezes
that swept across the lawn laden with
the rich odors of the flowers, when my
attention was attracted by some dart
object that appeared to be approaching
by the road that led past our nous* I
listened intently, and above the whis
pers of the summer breeze 1 thought I
could detect the hum of whispered con
It was no unusual occurrence for
tramps to pass our place at that hour,
and the circumstance caused only a ripple
of curiosity to arise in my bosom, until
I heard a latch of our gate lifted, and
distinctly the tread of many feet fell
upon my ear. T was so surprised and
startled at this unexpected intrusion
that I was momentarily dazed, and be
fore I could decide on a plan of action
they had ascended the doorsteps, and I
I knew from the splinterings of wood
that they had already commenced op
erations to force an entrance into the
By the light of a dark-lantern which
they carried, I discovered that there
were six in number, and all wore heavy
black masks, the more effectually to
prevent recognition in case of discov
ery. Then my voice came back to me,
and, thinking to make up for my youth
ful years in the volume of my voice, I
yelled out in thundering tones :
" Hello I What are you doiDg there ?"
The dark-lantern was closed like a
flash, but yet I could distinctly define
the dim outline of the robbers as they
stood like dark shadows in contrast
with the white balcony beyond. For a
moment the stillness of death ensued,
when I received a reply, uttered in
tones I shall never forget, and with an
emphasis that clearly indicated a pur
pose to carry out what was threatened :
" 1 say, youngster, just you take in
that head of your'n, and keep that baby
mouth closed, or I'll blow the top of
your head oft !"
The sharp click of ft pistol followed,
and you can rest assured that 1 needed
no second warning. What should Ido ?
I was at least a half mile from the near
est neighbor, but the house was sur
rounded, and escape was impossible.
There was certain death in the very at
The shot-gun. Ah ! that was a good
idea, I would get the gun and defend
the mansion to the bitter end. The
shot-gun I had left in the parlor, so as
to have it within reach during the long
hours of the day when tramps were as
thick as huckleberries, and I had forgot
ten to bring it up stairs that night. My
mind had been so much absorbed by
my carrier-pigeon that I had incautious
ly overlooked the making of my usual
preparations for self-defense.
I thought I would go down and get
it, ana actually opened my bedroom
door for that purpose, when I heaid a
crash below, which told me, as plain as
words could utter it, that the hall door
had been successfully forced, and that
the robbers were then actually in the
I retreated to the shelter of my little
room, locked and bolted the door, a prey
to my worst apprehensions. I remem
bered the cruelty of these masked men,
and I knew that if they did not murder
me outright, they would by binding and
gagging so torture me as to make even
death itself desirable.
Of one thing I was satisfied, th?. f "
safety of the robbers depended upon
my being secured, and to achieve that
result would be their first object. If I
had a weapon, so that I could have made
an effort to preserve my life, I would
then have been contented, but the idea
of au unarmed boy being thus left to
the mercy of these unfeeling ruffians al
most drove me to distraction.
I heard their footsteps ascending the
stairs and proceeded to barricade the
door, when a thought flashed across my
brain. How was it that it escaped me
so long? The carrier-pigeon that I had
just received from Uncle Toby I would
release with a message ; it would return
to Uncle Toby's, and I would be saved,
and the robbers foiled in their search
I wrote a message hurriedly, secured
it to the bird, which I placed upon the
window-sill, when, after a moment's
hesitation, it ascended skywards, and
when it passed from my sight was fly
ing like the wind in the direction of
Uncle Toby's. The message read as
Uncle Toby: The house has been entered
by six masked burglars. Come immediately.
Scarcely had the bird started on its
homeward flight when the robbers
reached my door and tried to force
it; but I had pushed by bedstead
against the door, and, with my per
sonal efforts to prevent them from en
tering, I had improvised a barricade
that promised to resist all attacks made
The prolonged defense I was making
incensed and exasperated the fellows
to such a degree that they poured
forth threats of vengeance upon me.
Their patience became exhausted at
last, and a pistol-shot whioh grazed
my cheek warned me of the danger of
my long remaining in that position. It
had been fired through the panel of the
I rushed to the window and gazed
out npon the lawn below. The distance
was great, and it seemed to me that,
while torture awaited me if captured by
the robbers, there was certain death in
a leap from the window.
What should I do? The distance to
Uncle Toby's house was five miles,
which the pigeon must have covered by
this time. But suppose the bird shoald
not be discovered? Suppose Uncle
Toby had gone to his room for the
night, and my message should not be
seen and read before morning? The
very thought was so agonizing to me
that I refused to entertain it.
All this time the fellows were work
ing, at the door. The bolt was forced,
and slowly but surely the barricade was
yielding to the power outside. I saw a
masked face peep through the opening
thus made, and the glimmer of the dark
lantern from outside. I could remain
no longer. Death itself seemed prefer
able to the uncertainty of my fate at
the hands of these desperate fellows.
I rushed to the window, and, without
hesitation, I jumped. It seemed to me
to be a lifetime before I struck the
ground, and when I did, I rolled over
upon the grass temporarily paralyzed
from the shock I had received. When
I attempted to rise, the grip of an iron
hand pressed my throat, and I felt the
cold steel of a pistol as it was pressed
against my temple.
To resist meant death. The house
was surrounded. I held my peace while
the robber proceeded to bind me ; for
whenever I displayed any restlessness
that cold steel was pressed against my
head. The only struggle I made was
when he attempted to insert a gag in
my mouth; but I had to submit, for
I received a blow from the butt of the
fellow's pistol that multiplied the stars
that I saw in the heavens a hundred
Completely discouraged, I gave my
self up in despair. I resisted no long
er, closing my eyes to shut out, as it
were, the gloomy prospect before me.
Somewhat surprised at the prolonged
delay of the robber in perfecting my
pinioning, I opened my eyes.
Uncle Toby stood over me. Stretched
upon the grass by my side was the fel
low who had secured me, a gaping
wound in the head affording an explan
ation of the sudden ending of his at
tempt upon my liberty.
A dozen determined and well-armed
men were with him. The masked rob
bers at first showed a disposition to re
sist; but on reflection, seeing the hope
lessness of such an attempt, they sur
rendered unconditionally. At the
next term of the court they were each
sentenced to fifteen years' imprison
Uncle Toby was making his final
rounds of his grounds on the night in
question, when the rustling of a bird's
wing attracted his attention. It en
tered the pigeon-cote. Unable to con
trol his curiosity, and anxious to ascer
tain the cause of such a peculiar pro
ceeding, he procured a ladder, ascended
to the cote, and there, to his surprise,
he found that the carrier-pigeon had
already returned, and with a message.
He read it, summoned his neighbors,
and arrived just in time to bag the fel
The old bird is dead now, but while
it lived there was not money enough in
our town to buy it from me.
TYhy a Letter Doesn't Go.
Because you forgot to address it.
Because you forgot to stamp it.
Because you forgot to write the town
or State on the envelope.
Because you used a once-canceled
Because yon cut out an envelope
stamp and pasted it on your letter.
Because yon used a foreign stamp.
Because you wrote the address on
the top of the envelope, and it was
surely obliterated by the postoffice dat
ing, receiving and canceling stamps.
And because you put your letter in a
blank envelope, and sealed it and for
warded it to — the Dead-Letier Office,
where thousands of valuable letters are
destroyed because the people are either
careless or ignorant of the postal-laws.
And to the above we would add a
few reasons why an answer don't
Because you do not sign your name.
Because you sign it so indistinctly it
cannot be read.
Because you do not give name of
Because you do not give name of
Because you do not give name of
Because you write with a pencil,
whicn is rubbed off and illegible.
Because you use ink so pale and dim
it cannot be read.
Because you write so poorly no one
can read it.
Because you do not inclose stamp to
prepay postage on the answer.
Persons with a strong "turn" for
music — Organ-grinders.
Why Aunt Sallie Never Married.
" Now, Aunt Sallie, do please tell us
why you never got married. You ro
member you said once that when you
were a girl you were engaged to a min
ister, and promised us you would tell
us about it sometime. Now, aunt,
please tell us."
" Well, you see, when I was about 17
years old I was living in Utica, in the
State of New York. Though I say it
myself, I was quite a good-looking girl
then, and had several beaux. The one
that took my fancy was a young minis
ter, a very promising young man, and
remarkably pious and steady. He
thought a good deal of me, and I kind
of took a fancy to him, and things went
on until we were engaged. One even
ing he came to me, and put his arm 3
around me, and kind of hugged me,
when I got excited and some flustrated.
It was a long time ago, and I don't
know but what I might have hugged
back a little. I was like any other
girl, and pretty soon I pretended to be
mad about it, and pushed him away,
though I wasn't mad a bit. You must
know the house where I lived was in
one of the back streets in the town.
There were glass doors in the parlor,
which opened over the street. These
doors were drawn to. I stepped back
a little from him, and when he came up
close I pushed him back again. I
pushed him harder than I intended to ;
and don't you think, girls, the poor
fellow lost his balance, and fell through
one of the doors into the street."
"Oh, aunty ! Was he killed ? ■
"No; ho fell head-first, and, as he was
going, I caught him by the legs of his
trousers. I held on for a minute, find
tried to pull him back, but his wuspend
ers gave way, and the poor \oung man
fell clear out of his pantaloons into a
parcel of ladies and gentlemen along
" Oh ! aunty ! aunty ! Lordy !"
"There, that's right ; squall and giggle
as much as you want to. Girls that
can't hear a little thing like that with
out tearing around the room and he
he-ing in such a way don't know enough
to come in when it rains. A nice time
the man that marries one of you will
have, won't he ? Catch me telling you
"But, Aunt Sallie, what became of
him ? Did you ever see him again ?"
"No; the moment he touched the
ground he got up and left that place in
a terrible hurry. I tell you it was a
sight to be remembered. How that
man did run ! He went out West, and
I believe he i 3 preaching out in Illinois.
But he never married. He was very
modest, and I suppose he was so badly
frightened that time that he never
dared trust himself near a woman again.
That, girls, is the reason why I never
married. I felt very bad about it for a
long time — for he was a real good man,
and I've often thought to myself that
we should have been very happy if his
suspenders hadn't given way."
Ben Wade and the Girls.
Just before the vote on impeachment
took place, one day, when everybody
expected Wade would soon be Presi
dent, he was passing through the treas
ury, when a bevy of girls who Knew
Wade well sallied out of the 'offices and
pounced upon him in the corridor.
Wade playfully flourished his cane at
them, calling out, "Clear the way I clear
the way! I won't be stopped." The
girls, not in the least terrified, took
hold of him by the arms and held him a
prisoner, while one of them sa ; d :
"Now, Mr. Wade, you muse do us a
"Well, out with it," said the old Sen
ator, "for I am in a great hurry."
"There is a vacancy, and we want
her promoted to it," said the speaker,
pointing to a rather modest-looking
"Is she fit?"
"O, yes ! " in chorus.
"And you are quite sure she should
"Yes, indeed, we are."
" The very best promotion that could
"Then why don't she get it?" in
quired the bluff Senator.
There was a pause, and then one of
the young ladies said :
" Mr. Spinner won't give it to her,
and we want you to help us."
M Well, let me go, and I will see about
" But you must go at once, or it will
be too late ; the place will probably be
filled to-day," said the girls.
«o ! the" ! " cried Wade. " Let
me go; I'll attend to it."
And he did, and the young lady got
her promotion. Next Christmas a pack
age came to Mr. W., neatly done up,
and on opening it he found it to con
tain a gown and elegantly-embroidered
slippers. On a card was written : "To
the best of friends. From all of us."
And then followed a number of initials.
It was a gift from the poor treasury
girls. — Gen. Brisbin.
An English doctor, writing about
sleep and sleeplessness, observes that
the state narcotics produce is not sleep,
but a condition of narcotism that coun
terfeits sleep, adding : "When a man
says, ' I want a quiet night, I will take a
sleeping draught,' he speaks in para
bles. To express the fact plainly, he
should say, 'I want a quiet night ; lean
not obtain it by going to sleep, or I am
afraid to trust to the chances of Datural
rest, so I will poison myself a little, just
enough to make me unconscious, or to
slightly paralyze my nerve centers, not
enough to kill.' If this fact could be
kept clearly before the mind, the reck
less u*e of drugs which produce a state
that mocks sleep would be limited."
The state of inaction which is brought
about by natural sleep is very different
from that which is produced by paraly
sis of any degree.
Mr. Buckland tells a curious story
about the naming of the animal we
know as the kangaroo. When Capt.
Cook discovered Australia, he saw some
of the natives on the shore with a dead
animal of some sort in their possession,
and sent sailors in a little boat to buy it
of them. When it came on board he
saw that it was something quite new, so
he sent the sailors back to inquire its
name. The sailors asked, but, not be
ing able to make the natives understand,
received the answer, "I don't know," or,
in the Australian language, "Kan-ga
roo." The sailors supposed this was
the name of the animal, and so reported
it. Thus the name of that curious ani
mal is the "I-don't-know," which is al
most equal to the name given to one of
the monstrosities in Barnum's Museum
KEEP THIS CHUNKS TOGETHER.
"Keep the chunks together;" tbia la an adage old
We hear In wintry weather when the winds blow
When fires are getting low, and fagots cease to
Pile the chunks together and watch their cheering
See! how they leap flicker— they flash
Oh ! how they blaze and sparkle— in their
Now throwing grotesque shadows out upon the
Now Xigl ting darkened corners where tlieir bright
raj (all ;
Gaining strength and courage — the flames are
•Keep the chunks together," and the flre'll never
Such is human — from the cradle to the grave.
We need a kindred warmth the vital sparks to save;
We need affection's hand to fan the dying coals—
Need the love of ethers reflecting in our souls,
To keep the dying embers burning and alive,
The faintest gleams of hope to brighten and revive:
To wake the noblest alms within the human heart,
To aid the struggling rays their glory to impart:
To raise the gems of thought imbedded in the
Till they gleam in beauty and in full splendor
Smoldering in life's ashes lie many a vital spark,
Hidden, sinking slowly — expiring in the dark:
Needing but the genial rays from immortal souls
To ignite the flashing flames from the dying coals.
Thus our deep emotions Jose their loftiest tone,
Buried in the ashes and left to die alone;
Thus so many mortals wrecked on the strand of
Lie buried in (he sands of misery and strife,
Each noble purpose smothered— hope forever
Forsaken and neglected — 'neathtlie rubbish tossed;
When, if the hand of love would raise the little
The living fire would sparkle, lighting up the dark;
And if kindred natures would warm the glowing
Imparting strength and vigor to the weakened
many would not — reckless and alone—
Their existence but a blank— nameless and un
Flaming into grandeur, they'd light the world afar,
With their deeds of love, like an Oriental star.
Then let each brother strive to waken in the mind
Of his fellow-creatures the spark of truth sublime,
And, pressing close together, keep alive the coals,
Till the light of heaven is kindled in their souls;
Until the flames of love, rising high, and higher,
Light up their darkened pathway with celestial fire.
When the way seems dreary, when clouds obscure
When life's storms are howling, and adverse winds
sweep by; ' v w
When helpless forms are wrecked and scattered on
When noblest aims are crushed, and sweet hope
smiles no more,
The hand of love alone can wake the purposed aim,
The breath of holy prayer fan it into flame.
Thus the song of victory we may forever sing,
While our voices, united, gladly, sweetly ring,
And in exultant strains the grand old chorus shout,
"Keep the chunks together, and the flre'll ne'er go
— Chicago Ledger.
Dickens' Advice to His Son.
Ai>elphi Hotel, |
Liverpool, Thursday Oct. 15, lSt5B. j
My Dear Harry : I have your letter
here this morning. I inclose you an
other check for £25, and I write to
London by this po^t ordering three
dozen sherry, two dozen port, and three
dozen light claret to be sent down to
Now, observe attentively. We must
have no shadow of debt. Square up
everything whatsoever that it has been
necessary to buy. Let not a farthing
be outstanding on any account when
we begin together with your allowance.
Be particular in the minutest detail.
I wish to have no secrets from you in
the relations we are about to establish
together, and I therefore send you Joe
Chitty's letter bodily. Beading it, you
will know exactly what I know, and will
understand that I treat you with per
fect confidence. It appears to me that
an allowance of £250 a year will be
handsome for ali your wants, if I send
you your wines. I mean this to include
your tailor's bills as well as every other
expense, and I strongly recommend you
to buy nothing but the clothes with
which your tailor provides you. As
soon as you have got your furniture ac
counts in, let us wipe ali those prelimi
nary expenses clean out, and I will then
send you your first quarter. "We will
count in it October, November and
December, and your second quarter will
begin with the new year. If you dis
like at first taking charge of so large a
sum as £62 40s, you can have your
money from me half-quarterly.
You know how hard I work for what
I get, and I think you know that I never
had money-help from any human creat
ure after I was a child. You know that
you are one of many heavy charges on
me, and that I trust to your so exercis
ing your abilities and improving the ad
vantages of your past expensive educa
tion as soon to diminish this charge. I
say no more on that head.
Whatever you do, above all other
things keep out of debt and confide in
me. If you ever find yourself on the
verge of any perplexity or difficulty
come to me. You will never find me
hard with you while you are manly and
As your brothers have gone away one
by one, I have written to each of them
what I am now going to write to you.
You know that you have never been
hampered with religious forms of re
straint, and that with mere unmeaning
forms I have no sympathy. But I most
strongly and affectionately impress upon
you the priceless value of the New Testa
ment, and the study of that book as the
one unfailing guide in life. Deeply re
specting it, and bowing down before
the character of our Savior as separated
from the vain constructions and inven
tions of men, you cannot go very wrong,
and will always preserve at heart a true
spirit of veneration and humility. Simi
larly I impress upon you the habit of
saying a Christian prayer every night
and morning. These things have stood
by me all through my life, and remem
ber that I tried to render the New Tes
tament intelligible to you, and lovable
by you when you were a mere baby.
And so God bless you.
Ever your affectionate Father. ,
— Dickens' tetters.
The Bear Walked Away.
An Irishman of Montana was work
ing a placer mine, a few miles from
Bear Gulch, and visited that place one
day to get his tools sharpened. Just
as he was about to start back some one
told him that if he would go home by
the way of Sour Krout gulch he could
not miss his way, and would save several
miles of walking.
Pat started out, bufc after traveling
several miles the sun was almost down,
and he had seen nothing thafclooked
familiar. At hist he made up ms mind
that he was lost, and, to use his own
words, feared he " would be robbed and
murthered intirely ail alone."
While he was in this state of mind he
spied a cinnamon bear od the side of
the mountain, and was almost ready to
fall to the ground with fright. Eecov
ering his self-possession a little, he said :
" I thought it wouldn't do to let the
bear think I was afraid of him, and con
cluded I might intimidate him by mak
ing him think there were siveral of me.
So, walking a little faster, I called out
as loud as iver I could, ' Mike ! Oi say,
Mike, hould on a bit till I catch up wid
ye and the rest o' the b'ys.' When the
bear heard that he walked away and
said not a word."
A man's own tongue needs to be
watched as his worst enemy.
" Bee- ware !" he cried, pointing to a
pot of honey.
Acids and pickles are usually the
contents of the family jar.
This is simple medical advice for
curing a pimple : " First hold the pim
ple over a slow fire until it comes to a
boil; then 'bust 'it."
The existence of animal life in the
moon is said by astronomers to be im
possible, on account of the absence of
any atmosphere and the extremes of
heat and cold.
Hunttngton Pudding. — One pint
milk and one-half cup rice, put into a
tin and set in a pot nearly half full of
boiling water; keep the water boiling
until the rice is steamed soft enough to
yield when pressed with thumb and
finger ; then add yelks of two eggs, a
little lump of butter, and the grated
rind of a lemon ; turn Into a pudding
dish, beat the whites to a stiff froth, and
stir in half a cup of sugar and the juice
of a lemon ; spread this frosting on the
pudding, and put into the oven to
How to Lime Egos.— Egg3 are limed
by packing them in a liquid made as
follows, viz : One peck of fresh lime is
slacked in sufficient water to make a
thin paste; when thoroughly slacked,
which will require twenty-four hours,
water is added to thin it so that it can
be strained through a fine sieve into a
clean barrel, which is then filled up with
water; the eggs, perfectly fresh, are laid
carefully into kegs or barrels, and the
stirred lime liquor is poured over them,
a board being floated on top to keep the
egg 3 under the surface. In this way the
eggs may be kept six months.
Certain diseases of childhood very
frequently affect the ears; such are
scarlet fever, measles, diphtheria, cere
bro-spinal meningitis, whooping-cough
and mumps. During the attacks of
these diseases, and even when conva
lescence has been established, although
earache may be absent, occasional ex
aminations of the ear should be made,
in order that, if affected, they may re
ceive early attention. Deafness is
usually an early symptom of most
aural affections ; but, on the contrary,
in some instances very considerable im
pairment of the drum cavity and its
contained mechanism exists without
any perceptible impairment of the
Growth of the Nails.— The growth
of the nails is more rapid in children
than in adults, and slowest in the aged ;
goes on faster in summer than in win
ter, so that the same nail which is re
newed in 132 days in winter requires
only 116 in summer. The increase of
the nails of the right hand is more
rapid than those of the left ; moreover,
it differs for the different fingers, and in
order corresponds with the length of
the finger, consequently it is the fastest
in the middle finger, nearly equal in the
two on either side of this, slower in the
little finger, and slowest in the thumb.
The growth of all the nails on the left
hand requires eighty-two days more
than those of the right.
Things to Avoid. — Never examine
the cards in the card-basket. While
they may be exposed in the drawing
room, you are not expected to turn
them over unless invited to do so.
Never, when walking arm in arm with a
lady, be constantly changing and going
to the other side, because of change of
corners. It shows too much attention
to form. Never should the lady accept
of expensive gifts at the hands of a
gentleman not related or engaged to
her. Gifts of flowers, books, music, or
confectionery may be accepted. Never
insult another by harsh words when ap
plied to for a favor. Kind words do
not cost much, and yet they may carry
untold happiness to one to whom they
Many a Little, Etc. — To plant one
grain of wheat, in the hope of in a few
years producing enough to seed a field,
may seem to many as a hopeless task.
But we do not realize the vast increase
which is made in the produce of a sin
gle grain in the course of a few years.
Plant one grain this year and gather
fifty from it and repeat, and the third
year the harvest will be a peck ; but the
sixth year the product will be 15,000
bushels, and the twelfth harvest would
be sufficient to supply the whole popu
lation of the world for their natural
lives. This fact may tend to show what
may be gained by a course of persever
ing industry and economy in the pur
suit of agriculture and the rewards
which are offered for honest work in
the labor for which our race was first
created — the cultivation of the soil.
Power of a Growing Tree. — Wal
ton Hall had at one time its own corn
mill, and when that inconvenient ne
cessity no longer existed, the millstone
was laid by in an orchard and forgot
ten. The diameter of thio circular
stone measured five feet and a hah',
while its depth averaged seven inches
throughout ; its central hole had a di
ameter of eleven inches. By mere ac
cident some bird or squirrel had dropped
the fruit of the filbert tree through this
hole on to the earth, and in 1812 the
seedling was seen rising up through the
unwonted channel. As its trunk grad
ually grew through this aperture and
increased, its power to raise the pon
drous mass of stone was speculated
upon by many. Would the filbert tree
die in the attempt? Would it burst
the millstone ? Or would it lift it ? In
the end the little filbert tree lifted the
millstone, and by 1863 wore it like a
crinoline about its trunk, and Mr. Wa
terton used to sit upon it under the
How Trout Hear Noises in the
Water. — Prof. E. D. Cope, a well-known
naturalist, controverted in the Forest
and Stream Seth Green's allegation
that trout cannot hear. The professor
says that there is a nerve at the base of
every scale on a trout, at the point
where the scale is united with the skin.
All these nerves, from the base of every
scale, lead to a large ganglion situated
on the center of the forehead of the fish
below the eye 3. Nerves from this gang
lion communicate to the internal ear.
These nerves, at the base of each scale,
are formed to receive vibrations in the
water. Any vibration in the water
reaching the scales of the fish is thus
communicated to the internal ear. If
the trout were in a flume, and one of
the timbers that supported the flume
rested in the running water on the
ground, the vibrations of this running
water on the ground would be carried
by this timber to the flume and to the
water in it, four feet above. The ear
cf the fish would separate and take cog
nizance of the difference in the vibra
tions, as the human ear in the air dis
tinguishes the difference between the
voices of frisuds. Prof. Cope's explan
ation is complete in scientific detail, and
is made clear by a drawing of the scale,
ganglions and internal ear.
A LEAP-YKAK IDYL.
The pallid snow was drifted deep
When Nellie came prepared to leap.
She let her plump dimensions drap
Into her sweetheart's maiden lap.
And sipbing prayed him give her hope,
And kneeling begged him with her 'lope.
Then held him in her fervent grip.
And smacked him on his downy lip.
• • * * *
But lest we into secrets drop
These thrilling details will we lop —
Suffice to say a priestly troop
Soon after tied the bridal loop.
HERE AND THERE.
Hard wear— Tight boots.
Fat men commit the least crime.
Coming as it does originally from the
winding still worm, all whisky is more
or less crooked.
The author of the familiar phrase,
"Shoot tho hat," was an Austrian tyrant
"My bark is on the sea and my wag
on behind," says the favorite dog of
the ship's crew.
If you want eggs in winter, never
keep old hens. When a hen is 3 years
old, sell her for a spring chicken.
A broker replied, on being asked
what he cleared on a certain specula
tion, "Nothing but my pockets."
She was my idyl while I wooed;
My idol when I won ;
My ideal when in after years
Ways idle she had none.
The more a man knows about any
subject the greater will be his charity
for and sympathy with views differing
from his own.
" Tell us not in mournful numbers
Life is but an empty dream,"
When milk is seven cents a quart
And raises mighty little cream.
Our striving against nature is iike
holding a weathercock with one's hand ;
as soon as the force is taken off it veers
again with the wind.
Jerome said that he had seen many
who could suffer great inconvenience in
their body and goods, but none that
could despise their own praises.
Our system of thought is often only
the history of our heart. Men do not
so much will according to their reason
as reason according to their will.
A gay rooster came tripping light
fantastic toes up to the occupant of a
quiet nest and said : " Will you dance,
Biddy ?" "Excuse me," said the hen,
" I am engaged for this set."
While a collection was being taken
in a church at Heath, Mass., the pastor
remarked that he would rather have
buttons dropped into the box than lead
coin, because good buttons had some
A lazy man having a wife named
Hope, whose custom it was to pull off
her husband's boots every evening, was
wont to exclaim on such occasions:
" How truly it is said that ' Hope is the
yanker of the sole.' "
" We live but one life here," he said;
"The soul needs love, the body bread."
So to the needy and the poor
He gave, nor turned one from the door
That asked admittance to his heart.
Each, with a blessing, did depart.
This man will find, when death arrives,
He's lived a part of many lives.
A stage-load of passengers were
startled when a desperado brandished
a knife and swore he would kill the
driver; and they laughed when the
driver savagely drew an old black pipe,
and the scared desperado plunged into
a pond to escape the bullet.
A Quincy small boy was looking at
some scriptural engravings, and gazed
long and earnestly upon a representa
tion of Adam and Eve in their primitive
dress. Turning to his mother, he asked,
" Ma, didn't Adam and Eve wear any
clothes?" "No, my son." The lad re
flected a moment, and said, " By hokey,
though, but I'll bet the mosquitoes jist
made them hump themselves li vely !"—
Quincy Modern Argo.
A well-known beauty in London so
ciety occupied a stage-box at a theater in
the Strand not long ago. Her white furs
and diamonds were the admiration of
the house. Shortly after the beauty's
departure, an attendant found a star of
brilliants in the box, and, like an hon
est woman, gave the treasure-trove into
the hands of the management. No in
quiries were made next day at the thea
ter about the lost star, but ultimately it
found its way into the rightful owner's
hands. The oddest part of the story
remains to be told. The diamonds were
He "Squoze" fler Hand.
An Ohio merchant tells the following
story about himself. Where he lives is
a secret, except that it is not a mile and
a half from the Xenia Court House :
"When I was about 17 years old
I made a trip to Cleveland in the
old-fashioned stage coach, with its
spanking four horses. At Mount Ver
non, about 4 o'clock in the afternoon,
a pretty girl came on board. She sat
on the back seat, next to an elderly
fanner-like looking man. I was on the
midd?e sect immediately in front of her.
I soon struck up a pleasant chat with
her. She wa3 a charming talker, and
almost as brilliant as she was pretty.
It looked as if we were mutually pleased.
When dark came I concluded there
would be no harm in giving her hand a
squeeze by way of a feeler. I reached
behind and got hold of the hand. I
was a little startled at the hardness, but
it returned a vise-like pressure. I
squozed again and it squoze back. A
sense of disappointment would steal
over me when in my mind I would con
trast the seeming toughness of her hand
■tfitb the tenderness and sweetness of
her voice. The contrast did not seem
to arterialize my blood quite up to the
point of exhilaration. At last she
reached her destination and left the
coach. After we had started again that
old rooster who sat beside her addressed
" 'Young man, do you feel all right?
You had a nice time tugging at my old
paw for the last five miles ; hope you
"The two young ladies on the front
seat giggled all the way to the next sta
tion, and the gentlemen passengers
didn't forget to smile when I looked up.
I have been more successful since in
The late Gov. Steele, of New
Hampshire, once said of his fel
low-townsman, Mr. John Smith, of
Peterboro : "To him I owe more than
I can express. * * * He taught
me to believe that there is nothing im
possible—nothing that a wi]! ; -^ mind
and active hand cannot accoiu^uiih. I
yet seem to hear his voice reproving
me for saying, ' I cannot do it I' ' Why
don't you try?' he would say, 'and not
stand there looking as if you were in a