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The Helena independent. (Helena, Mont.) 1875-1943, June 12, 1892, Morning, Image 7

Image and text provided by Montana Historical Society; Helena, MT

Persistent link: https://chroniclingamerica.loc.gov/lccn/sn83025308/1892-06-12/ed-1/seq-7/

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M the . W .a. re #p t4he P l. i
half the summer folks 't we ought to have
these last three eares. Whut we need is
Sadvertiat'. This is the era of advertllin'.
Why, ij' look a' that on."
He pointed to an animal of unusually
dark complexion, which was presenting hie
starboard broadside to our inspection.
Farmer Mills threw a plees of wood at the
best and madao him turn around so that I
pereived that his other side was painted a
pure whit. iand bore the inoriptioru "The
high side of this on was washed with tall's
"ihey tell me, over to the store." con
tinped the farmer, "that they have quite a
call for that soap now. This town o' Win
kumpit neede somethin' just like that, Eae
you ought to give it to us. You wa partily
raised here, and by rihbts ought to have an
Interest in our folks. Dead River's been
gittin' lots o' boarders since them histori
oil oritters from Albany dug up some relies
over there and printed a piece about it.
Now, as to those relics, it's pretty well un
derstood that they were imitation things,
left not more'n five years before by a gang
o' half-breed clothesline thieves that
camped on the fiver. But the town's got
paid for everything the mInus stole. My
Aunt Maria's oldest boy, that lives out
there, had to put up a cot bed in his corn
crib lea' summer to aceommodate the rush.
I tell ye this is the era of advertisin', an'
we got to have it."
Now, when I can confer a blessing upon
an entire community and get a aent a word
for it, my generous nature would not per
mit me to hesitate. - I told Farmer Stevens
at once that I would write up the town, so
that the whole nation should ring with the
name and fgme of Winkumpaw. I asked
no more of the towns-people than that
they alould let me draw upon their fund of
entertaining recollections, and afterward.
When I had made them famous, so that
their eorn cribe groaned wlth summer
boarders that they should hold me in afeo
tionate remembrance.
And so, while the early month of spring
was ripening the city man for the sickle of
the rustic, I wrote up Winkumpaw, and the
stories of its beauties and virtues was
spread abroad. I expected the thanks of
townspeople, but they did not reach me by
mail. I did not, however, aeeuse them of
ingratitude, but resolved to return to
Winkumpaw in July and view the crop
which is reaped where it is not sown. I ex
peated to be the idol of the community and
was prepered to enjoy it. I had not been
an idol since the early part of my married
life, nearly ten years before, and thus the
sensation would be not only pleasuing ut
Therefore, although I return to Winkum.
paw on a milk train, my feslings dring
the journey were intensely agreeable. If
the reader will reflect a moment upon the
habits of the milk train he will realize how
great is the inward consolation of a good
deed. If he is led thereby to do a good
deed himself I shall expect a part of the
proceeds. The milk train stope wherever
there is a cow. It does not do this to please
the cow, but to take aboard the product of
her industry and self denial. This will be
found standing on a platform in a large
can. If the weather is dry the cover of the
can will be firmly fastened down; but on
rainy days it will hang from the handle
by a string, and the obliging trainman
will put it on when he takes it into the
caboose. I state these facts because they
might otherwise forever escape the atten
tion of the reader. Few of us ride on milk
trains. We have no leisure class in this
Winkumpaw is twenty-five miles from
iSyracuse, N. Y., in various directions; for
the engineer who laid out the railroad wan
dered a good deal, being a stranger in those
parts, and not knowing accurately where
all the cows were kept. In fact, the road
makes a kind of a circuit so that some of
the milk collected strays back to Byracuse
and the remainder goes I do not know
where. I left Syracuse early in the morn
ing, and, by noon, had covered a large part
of the distance between thati city and
Winkumpaw. But I suffered scarcely any,
being up held by the approval of my con.
At Higgins, which is an important sta
tion, having several cows and some inhabi
tants, our freight was increased by three
cans of milk and John B. Frost, who keeps
the store in Winkumpaw. Mr. Frost took
a seat facing me and viewed me in silence
for several minutes, after which he asked
if I expected to gRet by Winkumpaw with
out being seen. /
"I am ashamed to confess, Mr. Frost,"
said I, "that my modesty does not carry
me so far. I shall stop at Winkumpaw,
but I trust the people will not get up any
thing more elaborate than a picnic in my
The storekeeper whistled softly.
"Wall," aid he, "to the best of my
knowledge and belief it won't be a pionic."
I urged him to explain.
"When Uncle Eb. Stevens advised you to
write that piece, he told you some stories,
didn't he?" asked Frost.
"Yes," I replied, "he related some amus
ing incidents of the town's history."
"An' when it had got to be known that
he'd done so," continued Frost, "pretty
near everybody else took a hand?"
"They were all very kind and communi
cative," I admitted.
"So that before you left you'd collected
every darned old yarn that any man had
to tell against his neighbor, hadn't you?"
"I did not regard the stories as offens
ive," I rejoined. "uutely they were not
told with any malicious intent. They were
funny, that was all. For instance, take the
story illustrating the imperturbable calm
ness of Deacon Isaiah (ray."
I then briefly reviewed the facts of this
story in order to refresh Frost's memory.
I had printed it as a one example of the
genuine Yankee's invincible self-control.
t appeared that Deacon Gray some years
ago agreed to repair a piece of plastering
over the pulpit in his church. It had been
damaged by a leak in the roof. The deacon
had ereoted a staging, which was reached by
means of a ladder from the pulpit. The
ladder was too short, so the deacon had set
it on a board laid across two barrels of
whitewash. As he was stepping from the
stgiung to the ladder with a pail of white.
wash in his hand the foot of the ladder
slipped off the board. The deacon lost hie
balance, slid down the ladder like a thun
derbolt and landed with a foot in each bar
rel and the pail on his head.
Did he yell? Did bhe swear? Nota bit of
it. He removed the pail slowly from his
head, oalmly combed the whitewash out of
his beard with his fingers, and remarked in
a perfectly steady voice to the horritled
spectators: "Wall. a little more and I'd a
had a fall."
"Do you know," said Frost to me, "that
story is the one thing that the deacon is
sensitive about. Hs imagines that his dia
nity was damaged by standing on that pul
pit in two barrels o' whitewash and ad
dresin' so limited a congregation. If he
bears that you're in Winkumpaw he'll take j
his ox goad and come over to see you,
"Then there's the story of Elder Whit
ney, who went over to Syrseuse to a resep
tion and was treated to pink lemonade, only 7
it turned out to be a good, stiff ram punch.
And pretty near all the .ttrlpt a temper.
AF° f Helna Scheme. Are Being Carried OutfTrhis 4v
And to get idn ie of the progress this town has made during the dull times let us review the situation.
The old steam motorline has been converted into the Rapid Transit. The cracker factory is in course of construction.
The army pt has become assured The artesian well is being sunk under promising oir
The auditorium built. : The Castle railroad will soon be built.
Paving Main street has begun.
The Whitlatoh Union mine is in full operation. The Missouri dam scheme is in excellent shape.
Helena Real Estate Will Never be as Low Again as
Most excellent opportunities .for building sites, of moderate cost, are offered in the
Bro0ke, Syndicate, Ames and Bellevue additions.
This is one of the best neighborhoods in town, and for the benefit of those who are not
acquainted we mention the names of some of the residents:
James Porter, A. J. Craven, Judge Eddy, S. K. Davis,
S* i Win. Muth, C. P. Connolly, Hon. O. T. Crane, E. F. Child,
. R. H. Floyd-Jones, W. F. Franklin, Capt. Ef A. Swiggett, Homer Hewins, * *
Dr. Foote, E. Sharpe, Robert Smith, Jerry Collins,
John C. Paulsen, Geo. B. Child, Mrs. C. Goodell, and others.
Dr. Lawyer, Thos. Bach, E. H. Train,
Judge Hunt, Judge Adkinson, Emmett Fisk,
J. H. Lawrence, Maj. Baird, E. S. Clark,
This location has water direct from the mountalks, two street railways which give excellent service, a beautiful so
building, is in direct line with the BroadWater, and will probably be in line with the military post.
We are now offering special inducements both in land and building. Now is your opportunity.
ance people in town were with him, aooord
in' to your article."
"But I only printed that to show the
strong temperance sentiment of the place,"
I protested.
Frost shook his head dolefully.
"Then there's Mills, the fool poet- "
"But I didn't call him the 'fool poet;' I
merely said that most of the Winkumpaw
people did."
"Did you remember, young man," said
Frost, solemnly, "that Mills is nigh upon
seven feet tall?"
The conversatiob was beginning to be
painful to me. Still I could not believe
that I had really given serious offense to
anybody. All the really disagreeable sto
ries I had tacked on to a mythical person
age whom 1 had called Pythagoras G. Whit
taker. I was very careful in the choice of
this title, because it almost always happens
that when a writer invents a name for a
disagreeable character, some nondescript
from a thousand miles back in the woods
will turn up, claim the name and exact
damages at the muzzle of a shot gun. But
1 felt safe with Pythagoras G. Whittaker.
Nobody with such a name as that could
live to grow up.
I was congratulating myself upon this
precaution, when the milk train crept into
Winkumpaw. Frost hastily slid out of the
I heard a voice on the platform say: "Is
that man Fielding on the keere?"
Glancing out of the window I saw Deacon
Gray. He was armed with an ox-goad. I
slipped cautiously out of the ear on the
other side and climbed over a fence into a
field. I made a detour and was about to
get once more into the main road leading
to the tavern, when I saw Mills, the fool
poet, sitting on a stone. He was toying
with a large, heavy club. I plunged into
the fields again and crept along under some
bushes till I came in sight of the taiverr.
Nearly all the persons mentioned in my arti
cle were sitting on the piazza. Tlhey were
armed in various ways.
I hastily retraced my steps toward the
station, fully resolved to forego the pleasure
of witnessing all that I had done for Win
kcmpaw. About half way back I met an
individual carrying a pitchfork and accom
panied by a dog that was very nearly all
mouth. I climbed a tree. From the
branches I sent down the inquiry: "Who,
oh, who are you?"
"Who'm I." said the man with the pitch
fork, "I'm Pythagoras G. Whittakerl"
If Mr. Whittaker had not had an itching
palm. I should probably be in that tree at
this present moment, but, as it happened,
he was willing to sell his revenge for $50.
As I walked over to the next town that
night, through a country which is distinctly
favorable to pedeetrianism, I evolved a seo
ond article on Winkumpaw, which will be
the last attempt that I shall ever make to
advertise an ambitious rustic eonimnuity.
That nightmare otman'a existen oa which
makes food a mockery and banished sleep
from weary eyes, readily Aields to the po
tent influence of the celebrated English
Dandelion Tonic. It tones up the digest
ive orgaus, restores the appetite, makes as
similation of food possible and invigorates
the whole system. All druggists sell it at
$1 per bottle.
Master of human destiny am I,
Fame, love and fortune on my footsteps
Cities and ield. I walk. I penetrate
Deserts and seas remote, and passing by
Hovel and mart and palaoe, soon or late
I knook unbidden one. at eve y gate.
If sleepine, wake; if feasting rise before
I turn away. It is the hour of state
Apd they who followme reaoh every state
Mortals desir, and conquer every toe
have death; but thos who doubt or heei
Ooudemined to failure, penury and woe
Be-k a in vain and uaelealy implore,
I.aaser not, and I return no more.
u r " [Mo. J..*IoALI.
But fail ye not in this respect.
Bels ev*ery opppoortunity to travel
Over the Chefoso, Milwauk & BLt. Paul
This I. thcadvio* of
OGo. H. HAnoon,
Oeaal Pa Iager Agent. Chi.ago, Ill,
Clarke, GoRrad & Gurtin.
" . . S . 0 0 0 0 0 ._ 0 0
H. RDw ARe.
Ranges and Stoves.
We are now ready for the Spring, with the very best stock of
House Furnishing Goods ever offered to the public. We are head
quarters for Lawn Mowers, Lawn Sprinklers, Hose Reels, Brass
Nozzles, Rubber Garden Hose, eto.
A Carload of Refrigerators and Ice Cream Freezers,
oo-n an D . x SEE TS.
Telephone No. 90. 42 and 44 S. Main St.
House lurnishini Goods Ho0se1, i.anos, organs,
o rn Orguinettes, Guitars, V:o!is, Accordions,
Ilouse enlarged to four times former oapacity. AND A FULL LINE OF
Fie, immense floors extending through the USIC I.IA CAiND ISE.
,ntir, ,lock. MUSICAl l RCHAN)IS,.
.\ tuck greater than that of all other IHoloona olo agents fr Stoinway & oSene ohner,
h,uln: , combinOcl. Gabler bron.. Wes;g n, Msn , liaomlin, l.rgg
C'ash urchaees and straight carload ship- and r e . first lins piano-.rigg
t::l:sll[ only ind her irt a in.
. '-Orderr will receive prompt attention. W-Low prices and ersy t: r:na
IIE T- TTNTA, ,* \L,-",-,,, ^ A .
The beautiful Stoel Excursion Steaner
"Rose of Helena,"
Makek re ular Peuo alon trips on the npper
isoui river Irm llier' lndig l~t~te minee
from eleena) through the
"Gate of the Mountains"
nrldydnurin the nav able season of u182.
xcaursion pattirs ofs1 O or. r ersons will
be rarrhll in baid wagons o . ma. oComtas, of
Helena Club Ftabie. or uncan McDol)uaaltl. t
lelvldoute Ihotel. from llelenato llilsr's; thonro
by tteamcr Rose tihroung "Tats ol f t.e Mon
talnes;" thenco return to Melen. for the snum of
A reasonable discont will be made to famlltn
with chldro a *lo to ro.ilione ongregatlons
anud W1 also. Sohuol exoaratons.
Will als, it dýsirvt, m sake oplal trlp to
Canyon berry, 28 miles sbove lililser' ansd to
Montlat l Centrl r)ilroad, at ooJ Creek. W
mlles .elow Huera.'
-elena. Molt., M W.0 15W.,
Flathead Transportation and
Flathead Navigation Co.
The boats are nqw running,
making daily trips frOln Demers
ville to foot of lake and return,
connecting with stages at foot of
lake (except Sundays.)
A. . U.W.
VISITORS TO THE CITY, as well as home folks, will find ,
EMPORIUM, where you will see the largest, finest and best a
ed stock of clothing, gents' furnishings, shoes and hats in they `4
GET OFF our old GET O
the new, get into one of our FINE TAILOR MADE SUITS at
than one-half a merchant tailor would charge you for the
garments. You will hear it on every, "Where did you get that
At The Boston. "Slick shoes? where did you get them?" Ati
Boston. "By jove, you're looking like a prince; where did you
that suit?" I got it at The Boston, where I buy all of my olo
This is one of the latest style shirts; I got it at The Boston for 1.
and it is one of the best fitting shirts I ever had on my back."
To sum it all up you will find anything you want in the
ing line, at The Boston.
We invite you to call in and see our beautiful store and a
whether you wish to buy or not. , "
One Price. Plain Figores. Square
Will Arrive Monday,
500 Harrison Campaign -

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