Newspaper Page Text
It Pays to Advertise In the Rising Gon
When you go to St. Louis, the World's Fair city, stop and nee Z. T. Jar
don, 1j2o Market street.
Mrs. Anna Williams of Ktfhsas
City spent Monday hero visiting her
brother, Mr. Peter Lindsay and other
Mr. Joseph Bowler of Kansas City
was here Sunday visiting his mother,
Mrs. A. Lindsay.
The W. n. F.'s and S. M. F.'s will
celebrate the 2fith of December at
the Excelsior Hand Hall. The lodge
will parade at 3 o'clock, headed by
the Excelsior Band; at night the S.
M. F.'s and the U. B. F.'s will appear
in their full regalia. Come out and
Mrs. Franklin of Moberly, Mo., is
here visiting her daughter, Mrs.
Mr. Al Williams and Mr. John
Booker In the Myers Building.
Remember the Yukon Restaurant
on 10th street; meals 15 and 25 cts.
Also a fine line of cigars and tobacco.
We invite you here and insure you
itlnd treatment up-to-date restaurant
ice cream on Sunday. Mrs. Sarah
Hunter, Prop., also Mr. Green Mar
cus on 9th street, lunch counter.
The Ladies' Labor Union meeting
will meet at the Second Baptist
church on Thursday 18th, 1903, all
the ladles and gentlemen arc invited
Tommy Figgjam Pa, what Is falsa
Paw Figgjam It Is the spirit that
makes a whole family eat round steak
for dinner for three months at a
stretch in order to send cut-glass wed
ding presents to some one whom they
would keep In Ignorance of their real
"If you could suggest a nice inscrip
tion for his tombstone," began the
"Why not 'Peace to His Ashes?'"
suggested the marble cutter.
"Well er lie was rather a gay
person, and I don't exactly like that
word 'ashes.' "
Mr. Bubal) (Jood morning. Mr. Mil
dew. Don't you remember that I
asked you to brltijr me some nlcefrosn
Amos Mildew Oh, yes; I hain't fer
got it. I told 'Mandy 'bout it a month
back, an' she's been savin' of 'em ever
Gave Up Stubborn Witness.
Abe Gruber, the New York lawyer.
was cross-examining a witness in a
country town not long ago. The man
appeared to be abnormally stupid.
but in fart he was determined that
the New York lawyer should get no
information that could be kept from
him. At length Mr. Gruber said:
"Well, at least you can surely tell the
Jury how this road runs." The wit
ness appeared to think intently for
a few moments. Then he sa "Well,
when I'm comlng'to town it runs up,
and when I'm goln' home it runs
down." "That will be about all,"
eald the little lawyer with a big sigh.
Oldest American Showman.
H. P. Ingalls, believed to be the old
est living American showman, resides
In the little town of Huntsville, O.
Mr. Ingalls was born In Mcrrimac, N.
H., March 18, 18211. and In his day was
the close friend of Barnum, Van Am
burg, Forepaugh and Robinson. He
made a fortune by exhibiting the Siam
Filipinos Love Music.
The Intense love of the Filipinos for
music is notably shown In their fu
nerals, their home entertainments and
In their theaters. The Filipino voice
is small and thin, but it makes up the
deficiency In shrillness.
Dedicates Novel to Roosevelt.
A new novel, called "The Curse of
Caste," written hy N. J. Lerato,. Is
dedicated to President Roosevelt, and
introduces the President by name and
quotes him verbally on the color ques
tion. Following Advice.
Blobbs The doctor told Bugglns to
take a drink of whisky before each
Slobbs What is the result?
Blobbs Bugglns Is now eating eight
meals a day.
Irish Poet to Visit America.
For the first time in his life William
Butler Yeats, the distingulshd Irish
poet, will pay a visit to the United
States this fall. He contemplates a
tour of air the principal cities.
"Listen to that girls peculiar
"That isn't a laugh."
"No; Rhe's a Boston girl. That's a
The United States ranks sixteenth
4s a wine-producing country. Our an
nual output is but a fiftieth part of
Hello, Birdie! -A
phonograph for birds Is In use.
Thore Is Just as much worry over
money as over tho lack of it.
for It Reaches More Homes of Colored Peop.e than any other Paper
KANSAS CITY MO.. FRIDAY, DECEMBER 11, 1903.
ALLEN .CHAPEL .THANKSGIVING
Baptist Church $ 31.04
O. W. Teeters r 121.03
T. B. Carter 77.50
M. S. Dunn 18.10
O. W. Shannon 12.35
R. W. Foster 51.75
Chas. Birch 30.-07
J. H. Crews 70.00
E. L. Ward 830
F. J. Peck 75.00
Chas. Frazier 101.88
Bro. Cargyle 94.08
Cleaning Day, Dec. 0th 119.03
Grand Total " $710.73
This makes over One Thousand
Dollars collec ted for Trustees Depart
ment, which has enabled the Trustees
to pay the Interest and $500.00 on the
mortgage In six weeks, and 33 have
been received In the church.
GEO. W. TEETERS,
No more fear nt the New York
Dental company, it was quite amuse-
ing to see htw soon people net when
they enter Dental offices and as now
much pain they have got to suffer
In case, while he was examining, out
came the tooth and to her surprlso
she was handed the tooth. Did you
feel the pain? No the dentist said I
was careful with you and was sur
prising. 1029 Main street.
MDLirjAV EXCURSION RATES
1M3 Christmas and New Year's 190
The Missouri Pacific railway will
sell round trip excursion tickets at
ri.iliircil rates within 200 miles of
Kansas City. east, west, north and
south, December 24, 2u.Jl and Jan
uary 1, good for return until Janu
ary 4 1904.
Teachers' and students' round trip
tickets on sale between December 18
January 11, 1904. Sountheastern
holiday excursion rates to all south
ern states south of Kentucky and
Virginia. Tickets on sale December
19. 20, 21 and 20, good returning
within 30 days, rate of one faro plua
$2 for the round trip.
For all Information as to rates,
time and excursion tickets call on
or address E. S. Jewett, Passenger
and Ticket agent. No. 901 Main St.,
Kansas City, Mo.
H. C. TOWNSBND. Fen'l Pass. Agt.,
St. 1 .ou Is, Mo.
Murderer Hitson Denied a eTew Trial.
P. H. Hllson, the negro preacher
who was convicted of second degree
murder In the common pleas court
In Kansas City, Kansas, a few days
Jiidge Holt, this morning and sen
tenced to life imprisonment. Hilson
killed his wife on North Third
street in 'that city a few months ago.
The Irish to the Front.
Two sons of the Emerald isle were
Visiting League Island navy yard one
afternoon last week. "What is that?"
asked Pat of a marine, pointing to the
Jjow of tho cruiser Prairie. He wished
to learn the name of the boat, but as
his pointed finger Indicated the raft
hanging from the bow, the marine an
swered, "That is the catamaran." "See
that!" said Pat, turning to his com
panion, "the beautiful vlssel Is the
Katy Morun. Another Irish name In
the Amirlcun navy. Shure, she must
have been Jack Barry's swateheart."
Evidently highly satisfied, they con
tinued their sightseeing. PhlladeN
The Only Exception.
Ascum I notice, Colonel, that you
always take your whisky straight.
Don't vou Kentiicklans ever put water
In your liquor?
Colonel Blood Some Kotituckiatis
Colonel Klood Yes. sah; but they
sell it. Philadelphia Press.
For special parties and night lunch
es, call up the Arnold Cafe, l??l Bal
timore, 'Phono 2S74 Walnut. Euro
pean and American. Mrs. M. Arflold,
THt OFFICIALS WERE "RUSTY."
Men In High Position Had Forgotten
Marion H. Kerner, who was one of
the first military telegraph operators
in the United States, has in his pos
session a telegraphic key which has
been used in "sending" by more noted
telegraphers than any similar Instru
ment In the country. The sending and
receiving Instruments are perfect mod
els of the regular type, but 'tnejother
occupy a base not more than an Inch
and a half by two inches. A pocket
battery and lino copper wires com
plete the outfit.
It was given to Mr. Kerner Just be
fore the Magnetic Club's dinner last
spring by Col. R. C. dowry, the new
president of the Western I'nion. This
dl.iser was attended by most of tho
prominent officials of the Western
Union and Postal companies, and hone
of he notables escaped before he had
clicked off a message upon the tiny
It was the general opinion of tho
active telegraphers present that If any
of the officials caught them sending
such ragged "Morse" there would be
wholesale dismissals, for some of
those In power had not used a "key"
HAD NO MUSICAL EAR.
And Composer Had to Let His Well
Trained Valet Go.
Canon Marriott of Bermuda spent
the latter part of the summer at I,cn
ox, Mass. The canon is exceedingly
fond of music, and bis acquaintance
with musicians is extensive.
At the Winchell cottage, where he
stayed. Canon Marriott told one. day
a story about Offenbach.
"Offenbach," he said, "onco had an
unusually good valet. The man could
shave, cook, tailor, market, doctor
horses do. In a word, a thousand
things. Offenbach, nevertheless, dis
" 'Why.' his friends said, 'did you dis
miss a servant so apt?'
'Oh, because.' said Offenbach, pet
tishly, 'in beating my clothes outside
my door ho would never keep lu
Her Pa's Compliment.
"My pa said something lovely about
you the other day." was the way in
which a "dear little, queer little" city
settlement child greeted one of the
settlement workers not long since,
"Did ho. Indeed, Jennie?" answered
tho settlement worker, tho more
pleased because the "pa" In question
was rctorted ns little given to saying
lovely things of any kind, and becausu
he had been anything but gracious
upon the occasion of the speaker's
sole visit to his home. "And what did
he say, Jennie?"
The answer proved but another case
of the salutary but distasteful disci
pline so often administered to natural
but Ill-advised feminine curiosity.
"He said," it came, clearly, "that
you was the gamiest old chicken when
it come to a lip-scramble that bo ever
seen In all his life!"
Floored the Englishman.
At a dinner party in Ixmdon Miss
Beatrice Herford was taken down hy
an Englishman whom she discovered
to be a fellow of the lloyal Geographic
society and who professed to know by
name all the places on the map of
England. Miss Herford had long strug
gled with such names as Cholmondeley
ihumley.) Crlchton, (Cry Ion.) and
the rest, and this struck her as an op
"As a geographer, and especially as
a Royal Geographer," she said, "you
will be able to tell me where Winkle
The Royal Geographer was puzzled,
and asked If she was sure she had pro
nounced it properly, and how It was
"I pronounced It In tho most English
way I could.' said Miss Herford. "It
is spelled W l n d s o r C a n t l e." Now
A Foot Race Problem.
"Bre r Williams, does you think do
devil is a white man or a black man?"
"I dunno. All 1 does know Is de
bigges' race problem Is how ter keep
ten yards ahead er hliu!" Atlanta
"Now, Willie," said the careful
mother, "I don't want you to asso
ciate with those Smith boys they
are so rough and rude."
"Not f me. they ain't. Why, 1
picked a fight an' licked 'em as soon
as I struck de neighborhood."
Penalty of Wealth.
"Wealth has Its penalties," said tho
"Yes," answered Mr. Cumrox,
"wealth Is what compels a man to eat
fancy rooking the whole year round
Instead of having cakes hot from the
griddle and home made preserves."
Two of Them.
Nell I can't Imagine any one moro
foolish than she Is. She has simply
married him to reform hltn.
Ned Huh, he's Just as foolish! Ho
seems to have married her merely to
give her a chance to learn cooking.
They're keeping bouse, you know.
Stickler for Courtesy,
"Old Bullion Is the very soul of old
school courtesy, Isn't he?"
"What makes you think so?"
"Why, he wouldn't play bridge with
his daughter's husband for fear hn
might win some of his own money
back." Town Topics.
Happy Man in Georgia.
"Mars Tom should be de hupplos'
man in the roun' woiT."
"I slio' does. He spends three fo'ths
er his time limit 1 n' en de yutber fo'th
eatln' what ho hunts." Atlanta Con
stitution. Glad He Wasn't.
Ho Excuse me, madam, but why
do you glare at me so savagely?
She Oh, I beg your pardon I took
you for my husband.
Bealnnina of the Season.
Myer "Yes, I understand yours;
Klckley's head was split In the game.'
Oyer "Ah! Sort of football opsn
ing, a. It were."
There Is an East Side group of
buildings known as "The Lung block."
Its tenants are locally known as "lung
ers." It Is one of the most prolific
breeding places for consumption to bo
found In the city of New York. It is
proposed to raze it to the ground and
replace it by a public park. New York
Railway Lands Advance.
The Canadian Pacific railway sold
last year from Its subsidy land nearly
2,t!)0,uH acres, at a price averaging
something less than $1 an acre. In
the previous year it sold less than
1.000,01111 acres, at a price averaging a
little over $3 an acre.
Get All the Profits.
A large part of the tropical fruit
used in the United Status Is raised
by the transportation companies
which bring It.
Sheep Ruin Grass.
It takes six years for grass to
grow where sheep have pulled it up
and trampled it.
Bulgaria corresponds In area to Ok
lahoma, and In population to Missouri.
Da 1. 1 1
The Barber. I
"Yes." said the railway manager,
"where there's smoke there must be
Then he got busy and fired half a
dozen employes who bail gone wrong
according to the rule "No smoking al
lowed w bile on duty."
Miss Culling "Then you are nn ag
nostic?" ('holly Sniallhead "I never snld
Miss Cutting "No; but you said
you only believed what you could
Addressed to Him.
"1 never heard a more dlngusllng
Incendiary speech than old mau
llrjwn made this uioriilim.'
"Who's old man Brown?"
"The old fellow 1 work for. Ho
said: 'See here, if you don't do belter
I'll II i e you!' "
Two of a Kind
"A tnati needn't be afraid of light
ning so long tis ho can see It ap
proaching." said the would be humor
lat. "Same way with a bullet." observed
the solemn party Willi a ffrolT look
In his optic.
"I'm afraid." said the amateur ao
tor, "It will bo necessary for mo to
kiss your wife in the last net. You
won't mind, will you?"
"Not ut all." replied the broad
minded husband. "1 can stand It If
No Laughing Matter.
"1 thought you would surely laugh
at that little joke." said the liiiiunrlkt,
us the editor solemnly glanced at the
"Not me," rejoined the mini behind
the blue pencil, "I never laugh at an
Convict Yes. lady, when I gets out
I'm goln' ler try an' get Inter good
Visitor You are?
Convict Yes'm; I'm sick o being
called a thief Instead uv a klepto
maniac. Those Dear Girls.
Phyllis- I wunt you to know that I
don't stand on trifles.
Elvira (elanciiig at her feed Nu,
Jear; 1 see yon don't.
"The mod; shall inherit the earth,
"What ! cinch for the lawyers!"
"I have only two ddllcullies to over
come In connection with my flying
machine, " said the inventor.
"What me they?"
"Getting it Into the air und making
It stay there."
American Plays in London.
Frank Ciirzon. a London theatrical
inunager. Is Intending to produce none
but American plays at his theater the
coming season. He s at present In
New York making selections.