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The Rising son. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1896-19??, January 04, 1906, Image 1

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Persistent link: https://chroniclingamerica.loc.gov/lccn/sn83025494/1906-01-04/ed-1/seq-1/

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3 ' ' J. " "T7-
I m r
Pays to Advertise In the Rising Gon
In 8elf-Defenee.
Towne "The poetry be used to
write for the magazines was Tory
bum. I don't see any of it any more."
Browne "No, he's stopped. He
made a lot of money out of it."
Towne "Nonsense! "
Browne "Fact. You see, be has a
rich uncle whose name Is exactly the
same as his and this rich fellow got
tired of being accused of writing the
stuff, so he bought him off."
No Cruse for Jealousy.
Mrs. Wlckwlre From the happy ex
pression you bad when Mrs. Potts was
alnging, one might imagine that you
enjoyed that sort of thing. Tou dont
break out Into happy smiles over my
Mr. Wlckwlre I wasn't smiling
over ber singing. I was Just think
ing how lucky I was that she belonged
to Potts instead of myself. Stray
The Old 8aw Adapted.
Markley He began by asking for
the loan of a V or X and I was foolish
enough to give it to him.
Ascum And he took advantage of
Markley Yes. He wrote to me for
fifty to-day.
Ascum Well, "give a man a cinch
and he'll try to take an L."
Maria's Tonle.
"Did you get a spring tr-nlc for that
tired feeling?" asked Klddtolsh. .
"Yes," answered Mr. Er.r.ck. "Maria
sort of braced me up with one."
"Some home-made remedy?"
"Well er yes. That is, she told
me she wanted an automobile Bome
time this summer and advised me to
get a bump on myself."
A New England Sandwich.
Mr. BIngs How msny children has
Mr. Giggs He has three. The old
est and the youngest are girls, and
the second Is a boy.
Mr. BIngs That's the first time I
ever heard of a sandwich with the
tongue on the outside.
Mean Thing.
"No," said Miss Passay. "I don't
like the photos Kamrer made for me.
They make me look like a woman
of 40."
"Well," replied MIbs Peppery, "you
should "have told blm not to touch
them up if you didn't want them to
look so youthful."
A Deep Plot.
"George wants me to give ray last
summer's gown to our servant girl,"
said Mrs. Gayman.
"Is she pretty?" asked Mrs. Wise.
"Yes. Why?"
"Ah! I see his scheme. He wants
an excuse to mistake ber for you so
be can kiss her."
No Fun There.
"Yen!" said the first office boy, dis
gustedly, "I had ter give up me job on
account of the new typewriter girl."
"Wat was the matetr with her?"
asked the other.
"Awl she wux so homely, it wuzn'
no fun fiirtin' wld her."
Jlnker They have just crossed the
orange with the grape fruit tree, and
they call the fruit the tangelo. I won
der what they will do next?
Blinker They will probably cross
the vegetable Ivory with the rubber
tree and call the fruit golf balls.
Really In Bad Shape.
Mrs. McSosh George, you've
Mr. McSosh Clarlnda, m' dear, I
can not tell a He I
Mrs. McSosh Then, George, you're
even drunker than I thought. Go to
bed. Cleveland Leader.
After the Honeymoon.
I 1 1
"I didn't see much of you at the
club after your wife died. Now you
are here regularly."
"Yes. I'm married again."
A Dissipated Romance.
"When he first taw her she was a
sylph In a hammock. The lightest
zephyr swayed her."
"And now."
"And now she still dotes on to
hammock. But she weighs 260."
"And he has to swing her."
A Relieved Autoiet.
"I see that Mayor McClallen told
the students of Fordham college what
the besetting sin of the day Is."
"What is it?"
"Oh, that's all right. I was afraid
he had said t was speed mania."
Cleveland nam i;ea r.
Not the Printable Kind.
Jenks But did you assure the edi
tor that your poem was original?
Scribbles Oh, yes, and br didn't
doubt it at all.
Jenks No! What did he say?
Scribbles He said he felt quite
certain that I had never seen it In
print anywhere.
Cobbs It's strange that you fellows
are going to take that cad Wiggins
along on your fishing trip."
Dobbs "True. But as we can't get
along without bis yacht and tackle we
talked It over among ourselves and
finally decided to let him go." Detroit
Matter Easily Arranged.
"The lady ain't got the money now,"
said Bridget, "but ye kin 1'ave the ice
an' she'll pay on Saturday."
"But," protested . the new iceman.
"s'posin' she ain't got the money
"Well, If she ain't ye kin take yer
ice back."
Pleasant Relief.
Mrs. Spenders George, I've got lots
of things I want to talk to you
Mr. Spenders Glad to bear It, my
dear. Usually you want to talk to me
about lots of things ,ou haven't got
but must have."
His Baby.
Quiverful Does your baby say any
words yet?
Newpop Oh. yes he pronounces
several quite distinctly.
Quiverful What are they.
Newpop Don't know never beard
any of them before.
A Bustup Certain.
"Griggs and his young wife seem to
be traveling at a pretty fast clip,
There will be a smash-up some of
these days," asserted the society man
"That's the usual result with these
'speed wars.'
Quite a Freak.
"I Just peeped Into the parlor as I
nassed." said Mr. Phamley, "and I saw
quite a freak of nature."
"Why, Bertha is there wun ner
young man."
"Yes, I saw two heads on one pair
of shoulders."
Deceptive Appearances.
"It doesn't pay to bank on appear
ances," remarked the wise guy.
"That's right," agreed the simple
mug. "Sometimes a follow wears a
yachting cap who actually owns a
She "That little Miss Pert Is Just
like a doll, you think?"
He "Yes; when I squeezed her the
other nleht she cried 'Mamma!'"
for It Reaches More Homes of Colored People
Clock Made of 81 ate. I
Perhaps the most unique timepiece
In existence Is owned, by Humphrey
PHtrhorH a ! nimrrvman of
Delta, Pa. The varieties he used In-1
elude the Peach Bottom blue slate an J
the red, green and purple slate of Ver-1
mont. One hundred and Blxty-four ,
separate pieces of this material were ;
.....1 i c .t . held 1
" " , . ... , .,,
together by twenty-three dozen small ,
metal screws. Many of the slate
sheets are as thin as paper, and scores
were broken before the timepiece was
The clock Is four feet high, two feet
wide and one foot deep. It has a
cathedral gong and is lighted by nine j
Incandescent bulbs. The work, which e roiauve consumption 01 ui. se ue
ls really artistic, was done by Prltch- erages by their respective peoples,
arJ during idle moments at the quarry. et enough for a bath,
and eight months' time was required 1 Jn,le tner8 ob,a,n on'y
In its completion.
There has been much discussion as
to the origin of the term "O. K." It
seems that in the Choctaw language
there is a word, "okeh," which means
"It is correct," or "I agree to ap
prove." It is often used alone to give
assent or approval to a suggestion or
proposal. "Okeh" was in common use
among whites who had dealings with
the Choctaws more than thirty years
before the Van Buren campaign. It
was a convenient expression where
parties understood each other's lan
guage laic 1 ...! '.'J vus UatfC ' 10
mean "understand you and and ap
prove what you say." or "I understand
your statement and vouch for its cor
Queer Ceremony.
Residents of Valle Maggio, Iom-
bardy, go through an odd ceremony In
September every year. The region Is
Infested with vipers. The celebrants
form a procession, every man, woman
and child carrying a huge figure of
a snake stuffed with cotton. As they
pass along they weep and lament, be
lieving that by this explanation they
make themselves proof against snake
bite during the grape harvest.
Unique Present.
Seven quurts of liquor In a glass
bottle three feet high was started from
New York recenuy on its way to
Nicaragua as a gift to President
Zelaya from a syndicate that has ob
tained mining and railroad conces
sions from tne Nacaraguan govern
ment. Tha bottle contains clnret, bour
bon, rye and Scotch whisky and three
cordials. It was shipped to Mobile,
whence It will finish Us Journey by
Painful Reminder.
Ruffon Wratz No. I didn't git a
cent out o' the counnel. He didn't give
me no chance. As soon as I'd said
"Say, boss," be kicked me down the
Saymond Storey Sarved ye right,
ye durn foul. Ef you'r been readln
the elctlon returns you'd a' knowed ho
ain't no boss no more. Chicago Tri
Greatly begin! Though thou have
Greatly begin! Though thou have time
Hut for a line, be that sublime;
Not failure, but low ulm Is crime.
James Russell Lowell.
Hurry & Worry uttract lots of at
tention, but Slow & Sure do the bulk
of the business.
The devil knew his business when
he invented the furnace.
The man who makes nothing but
money goes out of the world desti
tute. Some people put so much trust In
God that they get too lazy to help
Cheerupathy is a school of medi
cine that requires no entrance foe or
Some people are always willing to
tell the truth when it Is disagreeable
to somebody else.
This Is the season when the rock
ing chair on the veranda resigns In
favor of the parlor sofa.
Famous Bow Bells.
There are no church bells In Eng
land more famed than Bow Bells.
they set limits to the boundaries of
Cockneydom. Americans regard all
doners as cockneys But only
"w " J. 01
"""" "7 ..
.ur ...
Peculiar privileges of speech, portlc-
ularly where aspirates are concerned.
Enough for a Bath.
Should an American, an English
man, a Frenchman, an Austrian a
German, an Italian and a Russian sit
! down to a table together and order
drinks In a quantity that would show
vw uvuiuiuia.
Natural Lightning Conductors.
The Lombard y poplar tree, it Is said,
forms a splendid natural lightning
conductor, its great height and lack
of spreading branches' enabling it to
conduct a lightning stroke straight
downwards. No house near which
one of these trees has been reared
lias as yet been known to suffer from
the severest storm.
8amplae of Enthusiasm.
Michael Angelo ve no filled with
1 ni.ius.asm in .its art, so afraid that I
money might taint his brush, that he
refused to accept any pay whatever
for his masterpieces In the Vatican
and St. Peter's. Napoleon's enthu
siasm banished the word "Impossible"
from his dictionary.
Tennyson's Porter.
Tennyson wob a lover of porter.
When a peerage was offered him
didn't he put off deciding whether to
accept It or not until he had debated
the question with himself over a bot
tle of what Goldsmith called "par
eon's black champagne?"
Odd Rents in Britain.
The English delight In odd rents,
but the oddest Is a tenancy at Brook
house. In Yorkshire, where the rent
al Is one snowball In Juno and a red
rose In December. The rose Is easily
arranged and the snowball Is now
mado of shaved ice.
Smoking by Women.
The London Truth quotes the fol
lowing reasons against smoking by
women: "The first Is that smoking
develops the mustache, and the sec
ond, that smoking produces, at any
rate in women, 'weak-rlmmed
lids.' "
The argumentative man But, my
dear fellow, I tell you It's Impossible
for the moon to be inhabited. When It
Is full It Is all right, but when It
wanes down to a little crescent, where
the deuce would all the people go to?
Alcohol Is Brain Poison,
In their annual report, an exhaustive
document, the British lunacy commis
sioners say, as a result of their re
searches Into the relation of drink and
insanity: "It cannot be denied that al
cohol Is a brain poison."
Characteristics of Koreans.
The people of Korea are timid and
peaceful, the men tall, with high fore
heads, straight noses, and a graceful,
indolent carriage, the women short,
squat, and as ugly as their lords are
One Man Paye for Canal.
Toulouse, France, has a canal which
was built entirely at the expense of
one man. Its name Is the Canal du
Midi; It was built In 10001081, and
cost M. Paul Rlquet 680,000,000 francs.
Salt Water Is Tonic.
One of the best features of a sea
bath, says the "Family Doctor," Is the
salt water Inadvertently swallowed by
bathers, which Is a wonderful tonic for
the liver, stomach and kidneys.
Some men have bo much book
learning that they have no room for
common Be nee.
than any othei Paper
At forty man is wise, 'tis said, or
At forty he must know the ways of
And speak In Bounding praise or toll
with pen
In some broad sphere of humanly en
deavor, To prove himself efficient, bright or
Or own himself a failure. If by then
Success Is far, 'tis vain to try again:
Halt, cease to hope, and toil no more
What sophistry! What bogus sage
So devilish a doctrine? Who Is wise
At forty nay at fifty? Truth Is
Only by the eternal verities.
At sixty only Is true wisdom sound
And then by few. Old saws are most
ly lies.
Threescore Is the age of wisdom and
If then a man display a Judgment
Nor fall In lino with Folly's Bad pro
cession, He may be called discreet "of
age," I mean
But not till then. Truth forces this
-.t..J!l. '
Four-score is nearer to It than four
teen. St. IiOiils Post Dispatch.
His Fair Companion flippantly
Force of Ccience.
Acethvlith is calcium carbine snr
rounded with an envelope of sugar.
It in claimed to be of udvnntngc
In acetylene lighting on a small scale,
as, unlike tho puro curlilile, It stops
generating gaH when tho water Is
turned off, and begins again when
more water Is supplied. TIiIh avoids
tho generation of an excess of gas,
which Is wasted If no gasometer Is at
hand for storage.
A novel meaiiH of propelling boats
hns been devised In Europe by A. Far
rot of the riuchet factory. It con
sists of n framework of steel tubing,
supporting a Iluchet vertical motor
of 3 horse-power, with electric Ig
nition, tho motor driving two paddle
wheels with vertical blades. The pad
die wheels and motor are fixed at the
stern of the boat. They are mounted
on a pivot, making It practicable to
steer the boat In any direction, and
giving facilities fur gettng at the ma
chinery for oiling and repairs.
She Had a "Cinch on Him,
A prominent railroad man repeats
with great enjoyment a story that be
heard irom a conductor on one of the
limited expresses between New York
and the West.
It appears that a dapper chap in the
first chair car had managed to become
unusually friendly with an attractive
young man In an adjoining seal
When the train pulled Into Buffalo,
tho masher. In taking leave of tin
fair one, remarked:
"Do you know, I must thank you for
an aurf'llv nuf'lv ulensiint time, but
I I'm afraid you wouldn't hove been so
nice to mo had you known that I am
a married man."
"Oh, as to that," quickly and pleas
antly responded the chnrmlng young
woman, "you haven't the least advan
tage of me. I am an escaped lunatic."
New York Tribune.
A naval officer, according to the
Buffalo Commercial, told of the trials
of a colleague In marrying off his
many daughters. In the same family
was a son, nn observant lad of ten
years. Toward the close of the winter
the officer Informed his son that he
was going to lose his sister Ethel,
who was engaged to wed a young lieu
tenant. "I'm sorry to hear that dad,"
said the youngster, "because I'm aw
fully fond of Ethel. Still, we'll have
Alice and Eva and Maud and Susie,
won't we?" Then, after a moment's
reflection, ho added: "By the way,
dad, this arrangement will advanco
Alice a number, won't It?"
It wouldn't be any fun at all to bo
lazy if there was no work to do.
In the State.
This title parable by an unknown
author teaches its own lesson:
A hen trod on a duck's foot. She
did not mean to do It, and it did not
hurt the duck much; but the duck
said, "I'll pay you for that!" So tho
duck flew nt the old hen, but as alio
did bo her wings struck an old goose,
who stood closo by.
"I'll pay you for that!" cried tho
gooso, and she flow at the duck; but
as she did so her foot tore the fur
of a cat who was Just then in the
"I'll pay you for that!" cried th
cat, and she started for the goose;
but ns sho did bo her claw caught it,
tho wool of a sheep.
"Ill pay you for that!" cried the
shot p. and she" rah at the cat, but as
she did so her foot hit the foot of a
dog who lay in the sun.
"I'll pay you for that!" cried ho
and Jumped nt the sheep; but as he
did so bis log struck an old cow who
stood by tho gate.
"I'll pay you for that!" cried she,
nnd fiho ran at the dog; but as sho
did so her horn grazed tho skin of a
horse who stood by a tree.
"I'll pay you for that!" cried he,
an,t iir Miliid ft l!io cow.
Wlmt a nolso (hero was! Tho horso
flew at tho cow, nnd the cow nt the
dog, and tho dog at tho sheep, and
tho sheep at tho cat, and the cat at
tho goose, and tho gooso at the duck,
and the duck at tho hen. What a fiisn
there was! And all because tho hen
accidentally stepped on tho ducks'
"III! III! What'B all this?" cried tho
mnn who had the care of them. "You
may stay here," ho said to the hen;
but ho drovo tho duck to the pom.
tho gooso to tho field, tho cat to tin
barn, tho sheep to her fold, tho dog
to tho bousi, tho cow to her yard,
and the horso to bis stall. And Bo ulll
their good times were over because
tho duck would not overlook a little
hurl which was not Intended.
Famous Russian Poetess.
The poets' corner" In the cemetery
of the Alexander Newskl cloister In
SI. Petersburg has been augmented
by the grave of Myrrhii Lochwlzknya
(Ybeil), one of the few Russian wo
men who have attained eminence for
their poetry. Sho was the daughter
of a prominent lawyer In St. Peters
burg, where sho was born In 1H09. In
1S!m; her first volume of poems was
Issued, three other volumes followed.
Her verse is characterized by Orien
tal touches, and ber favorite thmno Is
try to be anybody but your-
Few British Whafers.
Dundee Is the only port In the IlrltlsV
Isles that owns whaleshlps. Toward
the end of the century before last
nearly all the east coast, ports bad
whalers of their own. London had
thirty four ships. Tho falling off of
the Indus'r;- is duo chiefly to tho
scarcity of "right" whales; but tho
turning point of the decay was taken
when coal gas was discovered, and
there was a fall In the Importance of
oils as illiiinlnants. But each season
Dundee sends her whaling fleet to tho
Arctic. So few are "right" whales
within the circle now thut the Dundee
experts know them all, It Is said.
Wags liver that tho Dundee harpoon
ers have names for each of them.
Poor Little Babylonians.
Eminet Dabyloian explorers say that
tho multiplication table which tho
Babylonian child had to commit to
memory extended to 30 times 30, and
that ho was easily conversant with
two languages besides his own. The
school rooms liuve been discovered
and today It Is possible to examine
tho Bchool boks. the tables with tha
arithmetic lensons still legible upor
them. Baltimore American.
A low cor.suiio never seems so lit
moJest to a stout as to a thin womai

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