Bubble
and
Squeak
By B. L. TAYLOR
With m O.-m t-e u-rub-
ai 1 11. t.
Hi l';irie, I will liny you a
parrot tn talk in when 1 iim busy,
he IVrhaps It would say
M'lui Miitm witiy, .in. I ih it would
l i- a nice change.
If : in n Ini-niakiT emit avored
to lic ;i. cording to his own max
im. In1 W'Hilil ce;i ;i tr
t iiM.i'ii! i i i than inost men.
wi i liw without .my philosophy
,.t .ill.
T!.r ir.R ilia! II Is b tttr t)
It all oli! man's ilarliai; II all a
oiiiii; in. in s M,ie was never
wntti'ii tiy a tiu'iliial man, lor
sm li a man would know thit a
man who is worn out phy.se illy
iloesn't want a darling, hut a
IiniM'. A yotiuu woinaii w mill
more likely lie an old mans
slave. A vouim man Is often a
,
! i
J' 1
( I
' i
oung woman s slave
tliere is happiness in
reciprocal hondace.
too; and
a stale i I
J! I
'! !
Tla ie Is this to be said for
inedioi i i f y : It provides for tlnn-e
dependent upon it, while g nlus
s.u rilb i s all lor an idea.
.1 i
He - A mode
.iliiiiiiiii.itii.il io
She A iJieat
pease, rather.
st man Is rn
a woin ill in line,
anxiety and s'is-
Win l) a woman Is r' din ed I
talktiu only .unmon sens.- t
tier In ib' ai ii'laili'. lin es, she
t r hi r ii i ! h i l"i to Peii.e lass
as pa-.-e. or is badly di.-iiluuioii''
Willi life.
V. alih often
man's 'lU-arit y ;
What e.M'llses II.
ai e.'UtU lies a
poverty some-
A "friendly inter
a euphemism lor
curiosity.
w Al. l I.H I'l. A' K r.i
' is otten
impudem
l: l r it'l l:.
Disprunt lemer.t.
"A murrain si izi- tl.is -otu.t r ft
I : . 1 1 1 r i k: my l.n .isi, I i i- ule'i'l.
All. iniia . 1 1 (i l . . I ill lie slawe
Aie i 1. 1 . 1 1'.-tii-.l lv li. e iiiailamu mull.
'I'l i v in.ilv' a tie-si uiiimIIv inu,
Alld line IS ilenlelleil l.y II e illll.
Cull at e was w 1 1 1 ' 1 1 1 u inle iiiii i' . lait new
'l i e l'l.ibsdiii's an- i rowiiin; in.
Tl v nerrun tl:e i huh rl l.all.
And I si 11 . a nil i I l . i all s,
I lit' I . I ' I. li ii I l.e I i 'I V 1 1 hal.
M .:si i I., ii 1 1. 1 i up six (limi ts III .sl.Ol'S.
Ami i'm n in II, e ualn iy
A ii. . , i:t si'.il is l.ai .l In s in.
Ali'W, .iti'lt. 111'' Ihi.ii k Mlsle -
Tie I '1. ilist in, -s aii' riuwiiiiu in.
I i. I '.'l rial .1 SI:. l w is all He tn.
hut iite e I I ml l.i I ii In it I s. It'.
II .s I'i.i s, an Know ii 1 1. en. st'.iMl nri'W,
Well It iiinl.i'.l, ui'Mii iii slu. si. ell.
N.iW, II 1 1 1 y In si e ti use ..l M
1 i an't i:-t In, a laill liu
Anni'inii i'S S. l. i i. Im .lav s.
Tie I'l. ll. sillies ille rluUillllK III.
i fraud opera, t 1 1 e nmli iliyniii s;
'II 'N ll.ii k like si I'l . tn see I l,e "lilliB."
I ii.ivi' In si. II, . in hue 1 1 if InilllS
'I n Lay a seat lor an Hani;.
l'i e nlie IS lllu.ll l.i'.i. line ttilli ll
I f I till III e makes 11 e wl.l'ie urlil I I; in.
Ami i -allure ili.esn t i mini tin- nun i,
Wliii all I 'I. ilisi la's iinwilinu in.
I la VP you joined the "See A merit a
First Association," tin- mission of
which is to turn tin American tourist
'.Ide westward? "See Naples and ill.'!"
tf you must, but "See America first!"
The news ihnt "The House of Mirth '
Is to be ill aiual i.e.l will be haded Willi
liellcht by all lovers of (be druuei. U.'
course it will be necessary to add a
plot, but any st.ee caip -tiler tan sup
ply that, and what act. mi the novel
lacks can be furnish. -ii with a pair ol
low comedians and a male quai tctte.
Letters of An Art Student.
It will be recalled that Charles Dana
(ibsoii sairitticil a I remeiuloiis income
a tew months ai;o, to go abroad and 1
study art. How sue e slully this ex-'
penmeni is wo k.n out ;s : hown in
his letters to I, is Irleails at home, aj
lew i f which we have been privileged
to publish.
Parts, Jan. 11!, lyuti.
My Hear Chambers:
Your splendid appieclate of me In
Collier's funis an echo on this side of !
the Atlantic. I seem to It' as well
known iu Paris as In New York. I s e
liivself pointed out in thu cafe or on I
the boulevard, or wherever 1 may go.
With that modesty which you have
spoken of as one of my traits, I pra
seiitetl myself humbly before the o d
French Academicians, informing them
that I wished to study art from the b -ginning.
1 feared they might take me
at in y word ami set me to drawing the
figure, but they finally acknowledge I
that they could teaeii me nothing about
drawing, and advised me to login at
once on color.' This I found extreme y
Interesting, and all that I had Ima
gined it. I have made a great many
experiments on iny own urcouat, with
startling results. Yesterday I discov
ered that by mixing red and blue one
Keia a rich purple. It was a revelation
In Impressionism. I hastened to ihi old
tiins'ers, my tctlthcrs. To my disap
pointment they Wore Hot Hill prised.
Yes, they said; led and lilile undoubt
edly produced purple. They haU hiip
peiieil on tin- aiiie niseov .'ry iu earll.r
ye.irs; Inn alas! they hail folgot:eu It.
After HLinlyljiK tin" hivtre indoor lor
years ami years one forget almost
ever) tiling t l.se. I am sending you
some of the purple py express. I:oli't
you agree that it would be. u Btro'iig
ton ii; color lor it luiulsi ape'.' Vou will
note that it Is the exact tint of Hubert
Keeil s atitomohtle. It was Kee l who
said to in- at the I'myers' ilub the day
before 1 mlled, "When 111 doubt, my
hoy, use purple."
I heard to-day that Sargent uses a
mason s trowel to lay color u pure,
and I spike to the old masters about
it; hut you can't teach nn old master
new iruks. They advise inu to paint
very thin at the begiti'iliig.
I am receiving every cay commis
sions lor oil portraits from my agents
In the I'nited .States and Canada, but
1 am resolved to study another f. rt
night or two belore excelling them
One cannot know too much about iol
or, I am convliucd.
At present we are living very mod
estly iu hotel quarters that cost only
a thousand Irani s a week, I tit w- x-
pci t to move to more comfort ib e
quarters when the mom y from l.e
portraits Lows iu.
Vui.i's, tor Art's Sake,
(..!. (JIIWoN.
! The New York I'hilharmonic Or
J' chest ra is still without a permanent
i oiiiluit ir Many of "the conscript
), tailors.' as Mr. Henderson calls t.iu
1 1 members id tlie band, favor Halation",
'.' whose siiecialty is conduct itu without
a
l,:i:,ai (llhers lirefer Wciliuart Her.
who
(here
ii h:il
conducts without notes. Then
is Strauss, who conducts without
licit., who conducts without re
, Sousa, who conducts wlih .ut a
scrw
thoiiKla, and James K. Ilackett, who
eoiidui's without an orchestra. ho
I'iiilhariuonic has not yet l'oiin-I i? con
ductor who conduits without a Hilary.
The Litsrfiry Market.
( l-'or the ejiiilaiu e of au:liors who aro
unfamiliar wilh the needs of the vari
ous periodicals. I
Mc( 'lin e's, New York. Is overstot Ueil
with articles on uraft, and is not ptir
. hasiim at present.
Mun.-ey's, New York, is in thu mar
ket for aiiyt Iiiiil!. Noihln rejected
i hat is d.'i li-beialil".
Tlie ll.ipiisi I iiloii, ('hieat;.), docs not
pay for sloliis about actresses or base.-,
ball players.
Town Topics, New York, requests Its
1 1 1 r res pi m 1 1 e 1 1 1 s to be a lilt!" moru
careful until ftiriher notice.
Tin- Woman's Home Companion,
New York, wants "really funny Jokes."
They must be perfectly sale and Well
ni;ed. 1 he Century does not care for nr
ticles on timely topics unless they a ro
well written.
Harper's Jlazar will pay kooiI prices
for hriuht. snappy dress iatteriiH that
have a stroiiK human interest and end
happily.
Can journalism be taught? JCxperta
have dl.-wmri'cd. At the time Mr. I'u
lil.'.er's Cidb'v.c of Journalism was pro
posed, opinions as to its value wero
sharply divergent. Journalism was
held to be a mysterious culling, no
more to be taught than clairvoyance
or second sb'.ht. Now. literature is ns
much more mysterious ami recondito
than journalism as I-'reemasonry is
more in sterions and recondite than,
say, the I'lilon l.eaitue tub. and Its ap
peal to popular interest is proportion
ately ".renter, as Is attested by the col
umns of notes about authors in the
daily newspapers. Without venturing
upon the argument, can literature ho
taucht? It will bo our pleasant task,
from time to time, to lay hare the mys
teries of literature, and readers are
assured that nothing could possibly he
more Interesting. A complete exposn
Is promised. We shall probably begin
with the Author Chaser, one of tho
most Interesting figures ia modern lit
eral lire.
Equal to the Occasion.
Speaking of the peculiar Ineilent9
that occasionally oe ur on the stir.:e, a
well-known actor said that one of tho
urns! laughable happened some time
ince in the theater of a thriving town
up the slate. 'I he scene at that par
ticular moment was tne de k of a ship,
around which rolled and heaved a vast
theatrical sea. The hero was sdlio-ipii.-ing
on the pitching deck and tho
audience was intently listening to his
siell binding words, when a ruddy
head protruded through a hole li tho
ocean In full view of all. The hero,
however, was equal to the occasion.
; (lancing at the apparently floating
I head, he lustily yelled:
, "Man overboard! Man overboard!"
I Hardly had he spoken befor tho
jhead of the sea manipulator was wltli
I drawn, and, with a sad sigh that could
j be heard all over thu house, the actor
j pileously cried:
"Too hue, loo late! Another Poor
fallow has gone to his last account,"-
Philadelphia Telegraph.
Pi-ovisionni Name.
A girl baby was brought to a Seatt'e
cbvgyiiiau to be baptized. He asked
the name of the baby.
Iiina,',l M.," the father respondt d.
"Hut what does tho M. stand for?"
asked the minister.
"Well, 1 don't know yet. It Appends
upon how she turns out."
"Why, I do not understand you," said
the minister.
"Uh, if she turns out nice and sweet
ami handy about tho house, like her
mother, I fchnll call her Dinah May.
Hut if she has a fiery temper and
bombshell disposition like mi no, I shall
call her Dinah .Might.'
San Francisco, Beautiful
for Situation
To Become a Second Naples Similarity of Natural Feature
and Now the Sinister Similarity of Nature' Violence.
In San Franrlseo grand plans were
making for a City nenutlful, when de
acendel sudden destruction and death.
Though the scientists tell its no part
of the world can be declared Immune
from danger of earthquake nhockB, yet
there are certain regions known as
"earthquake countries' Japan, China.
Indian and the western coast of South
Amerlca here there have been fre
quent visitations, great loss of life
and California used to be spoken of
as an earthquake state. It was not
nntll recently her rltlzens hazarded
the building of tall structures. Form
erly It was n town of low dwellings,
-lth little stone or brick used In their
construction. A short while ago I
held conversation with a man from
tho Hawaiian Islands to the people
of the Islands San Francisco Is the
great metropolis, looms to them ninth
tdgger than London or I'arls or New
"York anil reference was made lev him
to the marked change now noticeable
In Snn Francisco, the uprearlng of
modern sky scrapers, people evidently
feeling safe from earthquake menace,
putting up such structures as the
Chronicle building, ten stories high,
the Sprcckles building rising 1G
stories.
Commercial progress taken care of,
Pan Francisco of late had been In-
iCKNI I.N
tensely Interested in making of tho
town seemingly so happily situate, a
place as beautiful as fur famed Naples,
with which Italian city the California
city had often been compared in re
gard to natural feature each with
precipitous hills and wonderful water
view. San Francisco was built on n
peninsula, between the waters of the
beautiful bay and the Pacific ocean;
the business portion on what once
were sand duties, but just north and
boldly, precipitously. Plans were mak
ing for cutting the hills Into effective
terraces and adorning the terraces
with flowers, that they might resemble
Naples' streets of stens. Hat more
A S1UK STPKET.
sinister likeness to Naples was to
banish the dream of growth In beauty
and wealth while the exquisite town
on the Mediterranean was stricken
with dread because of threatening
Vesuvius, over on the other side of the
world San Francisco, without warning
or any preparation whatsoever, in the
peace and quiet of the early morning,
overwhelmed, devastated!
T'?n Bplendld, gay, wonderful city,
so strong tn its youth and bops, so
triumphant of man's accomplishments
and victories, in but thrice (10 secotvds
turns i into an abode of desolation and
SfeWV r:'
"S
horror and walling! In an Instant
the flower-brlghtrned streets ruined
the rose-wreathed houses becomt
houses of mourning, the Joyous peopli
crazed with grief!
Never before In the history of thlf
country had there been Inflicted such
an overwhelming earthquake catas
trophe any place within the country
Three notable earthquakes, but In de
struction of human life not to be com
pared with the terrible present, had
worked ruin. In 181 1-12 there oc
curred a strange disturbance In th
Mississippi valley, a series of shock!
covering a spare of two years, and
severe manifestation occurring at
short Intervals for several months; at
some time during the period of disturb
ance, an area over CO miles In lengtr.
and about 30 In breadth sank from sli
to ten feet before Its former level.
In 1872 in Inyo Valley, California, an
earthquake destroyed ten villages and
killed oneteuth of the population.
The Charleston earthquake, 18S6, de
stroyed property worth millions and
killed 41 people.
When one learns that something like
2'.0 earthquake shocks in San Fran
cisco have been recorded in the last
half century, one understands the In
habitants have had cause to hesitate
about raising piles of stones that
GATK rAKtv
any moment might topple and add
their threatening to the terrors of an
earthquake. Hut though so numer
ous, earthquakes hitherto caused very
little damage; apprehension retired
Into the background.
The city has suffered vastly more
from fire than from earthquakes. The
abundance of fine timber and the pop
ular bdirf that frame dwelling were
safi r, resulted In San Francisco be
coming a city of wooden buildings,
easy prey to the flames. From 1849
51 there was a series of most disas
trous conflagrations, $16,000,000 worth
of property destroyed and many per
sons killed.
In 1S!I8 occurred an earthquake said
to bo most severe of any recorded in
the city's history, but resulting in no
loss of life. Tho last earthquake oc
curred about the middle of January,
1SO0, like this dreadful one of 190(i,
taking place very early In tho morn
ing. There were several shocks, of
such severity people were thrown
from their beds, the well-known St.
Nicholas hotel, the chief building af
fected, was severely shaken, buildings
all over the city felt the vibration.
Though not a Naple3 in loveliness,
Pan Francisco was very rich in charm,
'primps at first one felt disappointed,
still carried If arriving by train the
dust of the desert in one's mouth and
inclined to criticise a certain dry and
barren aspect here and there. But
after a few days, a little wandering
about the streets, enthusiasm grew
apace. Not the enthusiasm for piles
of brick and stone and all the signs
of geld and money s;.ent; but for the
Individual, novel, local fascination.
Such fresh hand.-ome women, fairly
radiating health. They did more than
make a picture, they bespoke out-door
living, a climate kindly yet with
twang enough to stir one's blood,
something ample and free and gener
ous. Down In the Market street whirl of
business and pleasure at every corner
flower venders offered their fragrant
wares, the temperate easterner could
get tropical luxuriance of blossome for
a mere nothing.
Then there were added other enthu
siasms. For (lolden Gate park now.
alas, so woefully changed; become an
encampment of homeless and d solate.
For the trim houses and well-kept
grounds of the Presidio now bearing
signs of an affliction sad as ever befell
wretched humanity.
From the heights one may still look
upon a view of rare beauty. There is
still the wide ocean, the island-dotted
bay, the distant mountains. San Fran
cisco is still tho gateway to the orient.
And the spirit which built up the
splendid ci'y has not been utterly
broken, even now they plan and la
bor for restoration. Yes, he w feeble
Is man, but bow wonderful, bow he
roic! K AT11EIUNE POPlv
THE FINISH FOR POOR 10.
Indians Visiting the National Capital
Get Into Trouble Through
Writing.
Mr. Francis Leupp, commissioner of
Indian affairs, is seeking to discourage
the visits of the red men to Washing
ton, and to induce them to do their
business with the government by mall.
He says that their Junkets to the cap
ital cost the government a deal of
money and that they consume au un
necessary amount of the official time.
This is all well from the official stand
point, but poor Lo is to be consid
ered, too. He has a decided aversion
to signing papers, and with good rea
son. Usually, when he signs a paper,
even the most innocent-looking, it
turns up later ns a promlsory note or
a deed to his property.
Drink has done less harm to the
aborigine than ink and it might in
truth be said that his white brother
has suffered in like ratio from the
two. And the two, taken in conjunc
tion, hnve well-nigh ruined both. The
serpent taught Adam and Eve to
write, after they had made the'r
marks on a paper that gave him a:i
their real estate.
It is not hero insinuated that the
government o fielals In Washington
would Induce poor Ixj to sign bunko
papers, but there are many scribes
hanging about tho reservations who
would take advantage of the Indian
commissioner's advice to wrong the Ig
norant savage by writing.
If the government officials really
have any regard for the Indian, they
will permit him to transact his affairs
by word of mouth, according to
ancient use. And If any business is to
be transacted by mail, let It be that of
the white office seekers, who now
throng the Btreets of the capital. This
would enable the officers to save more
time than they "waste" on the Indian
delegations.
TROUBLE FOR THE CLERKS.
Government Employes at Times Are
Subjected to Much Useless
Labor.
"Congress makes lots of unneces
sary trouble for tho government
clerks," said a veteran employe, "but
the worst case I know of occurred a
few years ago. A certain western sen
ator asked the comptroller of the cur
rency to tell him how much stock a
certain man had in a national hank.
He was Informed that such Informa
tion was regarded as confidential and
couldn't lie given out.
"'We'll see about that,' said the
senator, who was plainly disappoint
ed and displeased.
"Several days later he secured the
passage of a resolution calling upon
the secretary of the treasury to fur
nish the senate with the names and
holdings of the stockholders In all the
national banks In the country. He
really wanted to know only the Inter
est of one man In a bank, but he
knew that he couldn't get a resolution
of that kind through the senate, so he
included the stockholders in all the
national hanks.
"It took the entire force of the
comptroller's office several weeks to
prepare the information, and when
it reached the senate nobody paid any
attention to It except the author of
the resolution, and he merely looked
fit the mass of papers only long enough
lo see about the man he was after,
and then tossed the papers aside. It
was an Immense lot of work for noth
ing." NOT A LAME SENATOR.
And Being- a Fighter the Hotel
Caller Didn't Care to Inter
view Him.
He had been hanging around the
desk of a hotel In Washington for ten
minutes te t ra the clerk usked what
was wanted, and mcnta.ly t-i.eti him
up as an office-seeker from the Wild
and woolly wjst.
"Senator Hlank stops here, don't he?"
"Yes, sir, ho do s. '
"Was that him that come along a
few minutes sg. and t'-ok a toothpick
from the holder?"
"I don't think so."
"Ho walked w.t!) a stiff 'nee anj
didn't lo ;! at all lik. a tH-ht r."
"Then it wasn't Sen i o.- 1!!: nU. He
has no stiff knea and you havo ou'y to
look at him t) te hat he t a lighter.
Do you want t i inlerv ev him'.'"
"N o, 1 guess uot not if he isn't a
lame man."
"What difference does that iua'.e''"
"A heap, my iriend. I wanted to ask
him what corporation owned him, but
if he's got twi sound legs ai.d is a
fighter 1 gue-s I'll let it go r.n 1 wri e
him a post card."
Changeable.
This story wns told In t' e senate
cloakrooms anronos of the speech of
I Senator Patterson, supposed to be a
Democrat, tn which he tulou.cii all oi
President Roosevelt's nolle!- s: A lo
cal census enumerator visit : the sen
ator's home In Denver an 1 wus re
ceived by the ne';ro buthr. After the
usual questions, he asked: "What is
the senator's politics?" 'TV goodness'
sake, mister, I dunno; "ib senator
ain't done been home since breakfast
time."
To Relieve the Boots.
"Why are all the solas and chairs In
the cloakrooms upholstered iu leath
er?" asked Congressman Tyndall, the
Ozark mountain member, of Champ
Clark. "Dunno," answered Clark. "I
suppose It's iashloilable and ifon't wear
out like black hair cloth." "Oh, that's
It, Is It?" Tyndall said, "omeliody
told ms it itus so that wo could sharp
en our Salves without lackiujj oui
boots."
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Biglnterest OnYourMoney
All profits pnld In dtvlilends. Other hnve
made one hundred per ceuL In Koine biutlm .
Sure Income fur life and vulualiio WnrY fer
family. Hi-al estate deeded to Philadelphia
trust rotnpnnv for protection of Inventors.
Ilpnutlfullv llliistriitrd liooklet ami paper free.
Write at nnce. I. I,, and I. Co . LHjjit A,
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PATENTS
Spnit for Inven
tor' I'rlmer" mul
I'bImi. mm r.a.lon.."
K-i n h 1 mht'.l IW1.
Hat itui St. .n.-Mi'i'"". n. i'. r CIJOIWIlw
IftrMiiehv ul 4'nU-ttsu, 4'levlimU, IK-lrolu
She Got the Wrong Garment.
"Oh, it was awful awful," said the
plrl with the bright brown eyes. 'At
the same time it was screamingly fun
ny any yet I want to shed tears of
mortification every time I think about
it
"It happened at tho Van Atta's af
fair tho other nlsht. The Van Atas
are rather exclusive people, you
know, and I fairly thrilled with delight
when I read their invitation. The
night of the affair I spent hours gett
ing ready. I put on my prettiest gown
of course, and prinked and preened
ns I had never done before. When
everything was at last complete I
surveyed myself in the mirror. And
if I do say It myself. I was radiant.
Tho excitement of anticipation had
given my clucks a glow and my eyes
a sparkle that I felt would fetch the
first man that saw me.
"As I entered the crowded reception
room In the big mansion that night I
drew from my shoulders a little white
silk scarf I had snatched up from a
corner as I left my room, and handed
it nut to the maid. I saw a young
man standing nenr tho doorway look
at the scarf and then at mo with a
rather queer expression in his eyes.
At the same time I noticed that the
face of the girl he was talking to
was frozen with horror. In surprise
glanced nt tho scarf as the maid step
ped up to take it, and Oh oh oh,
what do you suppose I was holding
out by the one sleeve? A gauze under
vest!" New York Press.
Mr. Goelet Was Honest.
The late Ogden Goelet, when a dir
ector in a gas company, was called
upon to pass upon the making of a
contract with another company. He
said to his fellow directors: "Gentle
men I happen to lie a director in that
company and I never will consent to
be a director in one company an pnss
upon business with another com
pany In which I am a director. I will
resign first." Anil resign lie did.
Customers of n shoo dealer Insist
upon their rights, and they also get
their lefts.
FOUND OUT.
A Trained Nurse Discovered Its
Effect.
No one Is In better position to know
the value of food and drink than a
trained nurse.
Speaking of coffee a nurse of WTlkes
Barre, ra., writes: "I used to drink:
strong coffee myself and suffered great
ly from headaches and indigestion.
While on a visit to my brothers I had
a good chance to try 1'ostum Food
Coffee, for they drank It altogether In
place of ordinary coffee. In two weeks,
after using Postum, I found I was
much benefited and finally my head
aches disappeared and also the inul
fesiion. "Naturally I have since used Postuttt
among my patients, and have noticed a
marked benefit where coffee has been
left off and Postura used.
"I observe a curious fact about Post
urn used among mothers. It greatly
helps the How of milk in cases where
coffee is Inclined to dry it up, and
where tea causes nervousness.
"I find trouble in getting servants to
make Postum properly. They most al
ways serve it before It has been boiled
long enough. It should be boiled 15 or
20 minutes and served with cream,
when It is certainly a delicious bever
age." "There's a reason" for Postum,