Laugh, and life loves you. ' ~
Thet oily hypocrite Is usually a
The flowers of fame are acentleas
Hope is the tonic that la keeping
most men alive.
The devil can Intone Love's litany
Sweet are the kisses that never
touched our lips.
Destiny la the world-old peddler,
dealing only In dope.
Truthful men never have much luck
when they go fishing.
Love, sprinkled often with salt
tears, withers away and dies.
They who Inherit nest eggs usu
ally break them the first thing.
Love is the foundation rock on
which most light literature Is bullded.
Little pitchers are bottomless once
you start to supplying your neighbors
Some men are good because they
are good: others because they are
Many a woman reaches her second
youth without acknowledging that she
Is anywhere in the vicinity of her
second childhood.—New Orleans Pica
DEFINITIONS OF A KISS.
Cupid's sealing wax. . M
love's current coin. |
Two little smacks in collision. *\
The full stop In a lover's dialogue.
The seal that stamps many a future.
A woman's most effective argument
Woman's passport to her husband's
The mutual Interchange of mi
The most popular "smack" on the
sea of life.
A wireless message from the Ups
to the heart.
A thing of use to no one, but much
prized by two.
A perfect chord sounded from two
The only really agreeable two
faced action under the sun.
The flag of truce in the petty wars
of courtship and marriage.
A kiss Is the thermometer by which
we measure the affections.
The thunderclap of the lips that fol
lows the lightning of the eyes.
Something which, once given, can
not be taken back, but Is often re
THE STATESMAN. DENVER, COLORADO.
Woman Given Military Funeral.
Mrs. Elizabeth Malone, whose
father was a life guardsman, and who
spent all her sixty-four years with
the British army and died after forty
years' service as assistant matron of
the Royal Military college at Sand
hurst. had a military funeral recently.
Her body was borne to the grave by
stall sergeants and detachments of
the life, grenadier, Coldstream, Scots
and Irish guards marched In the fun
WITH THE SAGES.
Who Is a useless man. He who can
neither command nor obey.—Goethe.
Make life a ministry of love and It
will always be worth living.—Newell
A merely fallen enemy may rise
again, but the reconciled one is truly
There Is no policy like politeness;
and a good manner Is the best thing
In the world to get a good name, or to
supply the want of It.—John Clifford.
Do not wait for extraordinary oppor
tunities for good actions, but make
use of common situations. A long
continued walk la better than a short
There Is much satisfaction and hap
piness in all labor that is honest and
true. Few things bring greater con
tentment; few things give more peace
of mind. —John Bright.
Recklessness Is want of faithful
ness In the small things through which
alone a man Is enabled to form cor
rect estimates and come to correct
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR.
Everybody has a hankering to teach
others what he doesn't know himself.
It's awful nice of a girl to treat a
man so well that she won't even
There Is absolutely no satisfaction
In doing something smart. If there Is
nobody for you to brag to about It
The average man's Idea of a Job-'
la something over which he splits his
side when he is planning It and no
body cracks a smile when be does It.
The way to make your wife have
confidence In you is to tell her that
the other woman Is rather pretty ex
cept for her hair. eyes, mouth, teeth,
nose, complexion and figure.—New
IDEAS IN MATCHING SHADES.
Some People Pick Them Out So a>
to Avoid Them.
Before trying to match thr sample
of silk the clerk asked;
"la this a piece of something yon
want, or something you don’t want?”
"Something I want, of course," re
plied the customer with asperity
“You don't suppose, do you. that I
would go to all this trouble for a
thing I can't use?”
"Some folks do,” said the clerk.
"I’ve met a number of them. The
first woman I ever saw with that kind
of a bee In her bonnet had a square
Inch of blue silk that she wanted me
THE WESTIHH COLLEGE
Macon, - - - Missouri
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aaaigrahanalv* and Uaraagta ft* graduataa taka high Mala
COURSES OP STUDYi
ACADEMIC (Classical end Scientific)
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Thcroodi Immdstioa satk ta tka alameatary braaakaa,
laitmoUoa aa fhaa aad Orcaa, aad ta Tnaal OaSara MS
rials Brwlag, Draaaaaktaa Oaoklma tM (tardaatata Matt^
rrasaraa aSatatat gaasal (Milan aa4 akSaav aiifcm.
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taaaCaaj araotical aoaraaa Ml atodn krw lataa
Fall Term Begins 2d Monday In September
Vtr praaral tutomattaa aooaolt RHV, L E. roim, Dear's m
UT, W. & GLADDEN, rtoa jwridnt board, Colorado Bprtaga, data,
ror eatalotsa aad partsaolara, arlta
rßEsmDrr Bras lajuon bcedoos, a i, a b.
to match. The scrap of silk was so
small that it was hard to make com
parisons. but after hauling down half
the blue bolts on the shelves and
running to the door several times to
test the color in broad daylight, I
found the cnct shade.
“ How many yards do you want,
madam?” I asked.
** 'Oh/ said the woman, i don’t
want any. Almost any other piece
will do. That particular shade is
very unbecoming. 1 just wanted to
make sure that I don’*, get it, that’s
The customer laughed. “What did
you say?” she asked.
“I’d rather not tell.” said the clerk.
“Anyhow, since then I have been cau
tious. Before matching a sample now
I inquire as politely as possible into
a customer’s intentions. If it’s a case
of ’Don’t want’ I don’t hurt myself
matching the shatfe.”
WHY RACES WERE DELAYED.
Incident Showed Folly of Present
A. F. MacDonald, who recently made
at Ormond, with a 90 H. P. car. five
miles In a little over three minutes. Is
t prudent, no less than a skilled chauf
MacDonald has no patience with
teckless motoring. He believes that,
with ordinary care and caution, acci
dents might be altogether eliminated
He said the other day:
“It is a shame that horrible fatali
ties so often occur in automoblling.
It is a shame that, at motor races, it
is possible to hear what I beard not
"An important race was to be run,
but at the hour of starting there was
some delay. The people became im
patient over this delay. A man in a
brown ponyskin coat accosted one of
the officials, and I heard him say:
“ ‘The race was scheduled for 2, and
here it is almost 3. What is the
trouble? Why all this waiting?’
“The official answered politely:
“ The ambulance surgeons, sir, have
not yet arrived.' ”
Nothing seems to please a girl more
than her ability to win the man of
another girl’s choice.
If one woman wants to say some
thing mean of another she refers to
her as “that woman.”
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