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Myths for Moderns.
Jove looked down ruefully upon the slaughterer of the Titans. Olympus was really a sight, but Juno cherked him up a bit. “Brace up, old man; It's all right Remember Port Ar thur,” and Jove’s brow cleared as he whistled down the tube for the Jani tor to come and mop up the debris. Venus was doing her best to per suade the bashful Adonis to let her have Just one kiss. The goddess looked entrancing, but Adonis was adamant. “No.” he answered sorrow fully to her pleadings. "Don’t yon know there are mimobes In kisses?" It was Charon’s busy day on the Styx. Several souls grumbled be cause of the crowd, and having to wait while the ghostly ferry made r. second trip. Charon g'ared at them with fiery disgust. "No ads in this subway, anyhow!” he roare!.—New York Times. An Easy Creditor. la a certain town of Connecticut a deacon of the church, charged with soliciting subscriptions for a charity, recently experienced considerable dif ficulty in getting the townsmen to contribute. To one of his neighbors the deacon said: "Oh, come, Richard, do give some thing.” "Sorry, deacon,” answered Richard, "but I don’t see how I can." "Why not? Isn't the cause a good one?” "Oh, yes, the cause is good enough; but I owe too much money.” “But, Richard, you owe God a larger debt than anyone else.” "That's true, too,” drawled Rich ard. "but God ain't pushln' me.”—Har per's Weekly. Overheard by Central. The telephone operator at Bellevue hospital, who Is often obliged to give distressing Information concerning pa tients to relatives Inquiring by tele phone, received a shock the other night. A man inquired, feelingly, about the condition of so-and-so. The operator replied cheerfully that the pa tient was doing nicely. “Doing nicely? Why, I thought he was dying," came in a tone of pained surprise from the other end of the wire. “Are you a relative?" asked the op erator, anxious to leant why the In quirer seemed disappointed. " ' no!” came the response, “I’m the undertaker."— New York Sun. Little Fear of Premature Burial. Although premature burial is ex tremely rare, except perhaps on the battlefield, the possibility of such an occurrence cannot be denied. It Is well known that, owing to this possi bility, remote as it Is, many otherwise strong-minded persons have lived under the shadow of a great fear, and have in their wills directed payments to be made to physicians who should be willing to run the risk of homicide to prevent live burial. It pay safely be said, however, that the horrors of the accident are imaginary rather than real. If a person in a state of trance were to be burled while life still per slated in a latent state, it is scarcely conceivable that the victim coub. awake; the unconsciousness of cata lepsy would simply deepen until 1- became fixed In the dreamless sleej, of death.—British Medic* l Journal. Ji «*• » THE STATESMAN, DENVER, COLORADO. WHAT THE TEACHER SAID. Not Exactly What Eddie's Fend Mother Had Thought. Last Sunday Eddie made'his"dehut as a Sunday school scholar. Every body about the house was interested in the event, and for several days pre ceding the Sabbath various members of the family had taken pains to coach him for the ordeal. They had taught him the golden text, and the story of the lesson, and finally Edwin, arrayed In his best suit of clothes and with a new 1904 penny in his pocket to be dropped Into the contribution box, was directed into the path which all good little boys are supposed to tread. "When he came home his relations and friends were anxious to a re port of hla experiences. "Well, Eddy,” said his mother, "did you have a nice time.” "Yes. ma’am.” "Did you say the text?" "Yes, 'ma’am." "And did you remember the lesson?” "Yes, ma’am. I said it all off by heart." "And did you put your penny Into the basket?" "Yes. ma’am." Edwin’s mother grabbed him up and hugged him ecstatically. "Oh, you little precious!” she said "Your teacher must have been proud of you. I know’ she just loved you. She said something to you, didn’t she?" "Yes, ma’am.” "I know it," said the fond parent "Come, Eddy, darling, tell mother what the teacher said to mother's little man.” "She said,” was the startling reply, "for me to bring two pennies next Sun day." Mac’s Liniment Mr. Mae Is a tall, slender gentle man with a taste for racing and all kinds of horse sports. Lately he has been training so hard with his "mount” that he has complained sever al .times to bis spouse about having a "backache.” One evening he came in late and woke the lady with a re quest that she rub his back. “Al! right—sure, Mac," she replied sleepily: “wait just a minute until 1 get awake." Straightway she fell asleep again. Next day. remembering the Incident she apologized to her husband. "It doesn't matter,” he replied, "I rubbed some stuff on myself, and I think it’s done me good.” Mr. Mac continued each night there after to rub the "stuff” on himself, until one evening Mrs. Mac, chancing to awake, observed him, "Mac,” she demanded, "what is that you are using?" "Why, It’s Just crackerjack lin iment." he replied. "Found It In the drawer there.” A peal of laughter from his wife made him pause. "0, Mac,” she cried, "that's a bottle of stuff I got to re move grease spots. Don't use another drop, on your life, or there'll be noth ing left of you but a bone.”—Portland Oregonian. The Place for It. "So you have a stepmother?" said the woman to a little girl of C. "Yea, ma’am,” waa the reply. "Well, you have my sympathy, 'loar. 1 ' continued the woman. “Oh, I don't need It,” rejoined the small maid, "dive It to s»p»." Attention! 4< Thc Statesman” " 8 want *° our at,ent '° n a our Job Printing Department. It Imprint on your is perfectly equipped to do ALL I | your printing, and do it right. Job Printing We can print anything from all calling card to a poster. Try us Is a sign of on your next order. Excellence. 1 THE STATESMAN 1026 1 9th Street, Near Aarpahoe. s ' |P . 1 WHEN IN TROUBLE. About difficult samples of hair to match " and you want the real thing, length, co'or. V i jpe That I make a specialty cf importing the - o rarest and most wonderful shades of hair V long and short. No color too dffficull to Be*'- match. Every variety. Prices to suit all. MRS. R. deG. DUNCAN. Mmm Formerlj of M Cowdao'a Parlor. - c 2535 Washington Ave. Phone 2106 Black. Of Course You Want THE SHORT LINE \Vhen going to Colorado Spring*, Pueblo, Cripple Cnok or to Texas, tbtn take tlia Colorado A Southern. It* sot only the Short Line but offer* euperior service to these point*. All raiu* fast and punctual Faces That Never Grow Old. In the morning f dfe, by th“ hearth and playground. On lh«* mind ns its pages unfold. Are Imprint'd In ■■ r, no art can com pound The faces that n« ver grow old. On the highway of lift by the milestone* | of years. We look buck and wl.h Joy we behold Through the dust of the road and affec tionate tears. The faces that never grow old. Over snow on the landscape and Ico on the streams. OKing genial warmth In the cold. Reappear from the shadows on pinions of dreams. The faces that never grow old. They nre smiling and fresh In their beauty and youth. After av»- tuts cnfe.-Mcd (h*- bold; They are blight as the stars and endur ing as Truth. Those faces that never grow old. WARNING. When you go Into the drug store to buy a bottle of Ozonized Ox Marrow, be sure that you get the ‘'Ozonized," See that "Ozonized Ox Marrow Co., Chicago, U. S. A." Ib printed Ou the package. Remember that the "Ozon and In made only In Chicago. We ,bave no branch offices. Refuse all substitutes. The "Ozonised Ox Mar row” never falls to straighten kinky hair. See their advertisement In this (zed Ox Marrow Co.. 76 Wabash Avo.. paper for further particulars. Ozon- Chicago, Ills. Lane C. M. E. Church holds services every Sunday afternoon at 610 27th street, corner of Welton, up stairs i Theological recital at 2:30 P. M. Evangelical song and prayer service at 3 P. M. Preaching at 3; 20 P. M. The Lord’s Supper evary drat Sunday afternoon. The public and all ex-menj hers are Invited. Rev. William U. Patton, Pastor. G. W. Andrews Painting’ Paper Hanging and Kalsominingj Phone 3093 white 2024 Washington Avc