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The statesman. [volume] (Denver, Colo.) 1889-1906, July 28, 1905, Image 14

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Persistent link: https://chroniclingamerica.loc.gov/lccn/sn83025516/1905-07-28/ed-1/seq-14/

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Myths for Moderns.
Jove looked down ruefully upon the
slaughterer of the Titans. Olympus
was really a sight, but Juno cherked
him up a bit. “Brace up, old man;
It's all right Remember Port Ar
thur,” and Jove’s brow cleared as he
whistled down the tube for the Jani
tor to come and mop up the debris.
Venus was doing her best to per
suade the bashful Adonis to let her
have Just one kiss. The goddess
looked entrancing, but Adonis was
adamant. “No.” he answered sorrow
fully to her pleadings. "Don’t yon
know there are mimobes In kisses?"
It was Charon’s busy day on the
Styx. Several souls grumbled be
cause of the crowd, and having to
wait while the ghostly ferry made r.
second trip. Charon g'ared at them
with fiery disgust. "No ads in this
subway, anyhow!” he roare!.—New
York Times.
An Easy Creditor.
la a certain town of Connecticut a
deacon of the church, charged with
soliciting subscriptions for a charity,
recently experienced considerable dif
ficulty in getting the townsmen to
contribute.
To one of his neighbors the deacon
said:
"Oh, come, Richard, do give some
thing.”
"Sorry, deacon,” answered Richard,
"but I don’t see how I can."
"Why not? Isn't the cause a good
one?”
"Oh, yes, the cause is good enough;
but I owe too much money.”
“But, Richard, you owe God a larger
debt than anyone else.”
"That's true, too,” drawled Rich
ard. "but God ain't pushln' me.”—Har
per's Weekly.
Overheard by Central.
The telephone operator at Bellevue
hospital, who Is often obliged to give
distressing Information concerning pa
tients to relatives Inquiring by tele
phone, received a shock the other
night. A man inquired, feelingly,
about the condition of so-and-so. The
operator replied cheerfully that the pa
tient was doing nicely.
“Doing nicely? Why, I thought he
was dying," came in a tone of pained
surprise from the other end of the
wire.
“Are you a relative?" asked the op
erator, anxious to leant why the In
quirer seemed disappointed.
" ' no!” came the response, “I’m
the undertaker."— New York Sun.
Little Fear of Premature Burial.
Although premature burial is ex
tremely rare, except perhaps on the
battlefield, the possibility of such an
occurrence cannot be denied. It Is
well known that, owing to this possi
bility, remote as it Is, many otherwise
strong-minded persons have lived
under the shadow of a great fear, and
have in their wills directed payments
to be made to physicians who should
be willing to run the risk of homicide
to prevent live burial. It pay safely
be said, however, that the horrors of
the accident are imaginary rather than
real. If a person in a state of trance
were to be burled while life still per
slated in a latent state, it is scarcely
conceivable that the victim coub.
awake; the unconsciousness of cata
lepsy would simply deepen until 1-
became fixed In the dreamless sleej,
of death.—British Medic* l Journal.
Ji «*• »
THE STATESMAN, DENVER, COLORADO.
WHAT THE TEACHER SAID.
Not Exactly What Eddie's Fend
Mother Had Thought.
Last Sunday Eddie made'his"dehut
as a Sunday school scholar. Every
body about the house was interested in
the event, and for several days pre
ceding the Sabbath various members
of the family had taken pains to coach
him for the ordeal. They had taught
him the golden text, and the story of
the lesson, and finally Edwin, arrayed
In his best suit of clothes and with a
new 1904 penny in his pocket to be
dropped Into the contribution box,
was directed into the path which all
good little boys are supposed to
tread.
"When he came home his relations
and friends were anxious to a re
port of hla experiences.
"Well, Eddy,” said his mother, "did
you have a nice time.”
"Yes. ma’am.”
"Did you say the text?"
"Yes, 'ma’am."
"And did you remember the lesson?”
"Yes, ma’am. I said it all off by
heart."
"And did you put your penny Into
the basket?"
"Yes. ma’am."
Edwin’s mother grabbed him up and
hugged him ecstatically.
"Oh, you little precious!” she said
"Your teacher must have been proud
of you. I know’ she just loved you.
She said something to you, didn’t
she?"
"Yes, ma’am.”
"I know it," said the fond parent
"Come, Eddy, darling, tell mother
what the teacher said to mother's little
man.”
"She said,” was the startling reply,
"for me to bring two pennies next Sun
day."
Mac’s Liniment
Mr. Mae Is a tall, slender gentle
man with a taste for racing and all
kinds of horse sports. Lately he has
been training so hard with his
"mount” that he has complained sever
al .times to bis spouse about having a
"backache.” One evening he came
in late and woke the lady with a re
quest that she rub his back.
“Al! right—sure, Mac," she replied
sleepily: “wait just a minute until 1
get awake."
Straightway she fell asleep again.
Next day. remembering the Incident
she apologized to her husband.
"It doesn't matter,” he replied, "I
rubbed some stuff on myself, and I
think it’s done me good.”
Mr. Mac continued each night there
after to rub the "stuff” on himself,
until one evening Mrs. Mac, chancing
to awake, observed him,
"Mac,” she demanded, "what is that
you are using?"
"Why, It’s Just crackerjack lin
iment." he replied. "Found It In the
drawer there.”
A peal of laughter from his wife
made him pause. "0, Mac,” she cried,
"that's a bottle of stuff I got to re
move grease spots. Don't use another
drop, on your life, or there'll be noth
ing left of you but a bone.”—Portland
Oregonian.
The Place for It.
"So you have a stepmother?" said
the woman to a little girl of C.
"Yea, ma’am,” waa the reply.
"Well, you have my sympathy,
'loar. 1 ' continued the woman.
“Oh, I don't need It,” rejoined the
small maid, "dive It to s»p»."
Attention!
4< Thc Statesman” " 8 want *° our at,ent '° n
a our Job Printing Department. It
Imprint on your is perfectly equipped to do ALL I |
your printing, and do it right.
Job Printing We can print anything from all
calling card to a poster. Try us
Is a sign of on your next order.
Excellence. 1
THE STATESMAN
1026 1 9th Street, Near Aarpahoe.
s '
|P . 1 WHEN IN TROUBLE.
About difficult samples of hair to match
" and you want the real thing, length, co'or.
V i jpe That I make a specialty cf importing the
- o rarest and most wonderful shades of hair
V long and short. No color too dffficull to
Be*'- match. Every variety. Prices to suit all.
MRS. R. deG. DUNCAN.
Mmm Formerlj of M Cowdao'a Parlor.
- c 2535 Washington Ave.
Phone 2106 Black.
Of Course You Want
THE SHORT LINE
\Vhen going to Colorado Spring*,
Pueblo, Cripple Cnok or to Texas,
tbtn take tlia Colorado A Southern.
It* sot only the Short Line but offer*
euperior service to these point*. All
raiu* fast and punctual
Faces That Never Grow Old.
In the morning f dfe, by th“ hearth
and playground.
On lh«* mind ns its pages unfold.
Are Imprint'd In ■■ r, no art can com
pound
The faces that n« ver grow old.
On the highway of lift by the milestone* |
of years.
We look buck and wl.h Joy we behold
Through the dust of the road and affec
tionate tears.
The faces that never grow old.
Over snow on the landscape and Ico on
the streams.
OKing genial warmth In the cold.
Reappear from the shadows on pinions of
dreams.
The faces that never grow old.
They nre smiling and fresh In their
beauty and youth.
After av»- tuts cnfe.-Mcd (h*- bold;
They are blight as the stars and endur
ing as Truth.
Those faces that never grow old.
WARNING.
When you go Into the drug store to
buy a bottle of Ozonized Ox Marrow,
be sure that you get the ‘'Ozonized,"
See that "Ozonized Ox Marrow Co.,
Chicago, U. S. A." Ib printed Ou the
package. Remember that the "Ozon
and In made only In Chicago. We
,bave no branch offices. Refuse all
substitutes. The "Ozonised Ox Mar
row” never falls to straighten kinky
hair. See their advertisement In this
(zed Ox Marrow Co.. 76 Wabash Avo..
paper for further particulars. Ozon-
Chicago, Ills.
Lane C. M. E. Church holds services
every Sunday afternoon at 610 27th
street, corner of Welton, up stairs
i Theological recital at 2:30 P. M.
Evangelical song and prayer service
at 3 P. M. Preaching at 3; 20 P. M.
The Lord’s Supper evary drat Sunday
afternoon. The public and all ex-menj
hers are Invited. Rev. William U.
Patton, Pastor.
G. W. Andrews
Painting’ Paper Hanging
and Kalsominingj
Phone 3093 white
2024 Washington Avc

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