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CHANCE MADE MATTERS WORSE.
Womar Tells of Troubles With Her Hawaiian Servants. “Hawaiian servants,” said a brown woman, “are the best —the best in the world, but they are strangely un sophisticated. strangely naive. ’Hawaiian servants insist on call ing you by your first n»«ne. Ours were always saying to my husband. ‘Yes, John.’ or ‘All right, John,’ and to me. ‘Very well, Ann.’ or ‘Ann, I am going out.’ “At last I got tired of this and to John, when we got a new o ok. I said: “‘Don’t ever call me by my first name in this new cook’s presence. Then, perhaps, not knowing ray name, he’ll have to say “Mrs. to me.’ “So John was very careful always to address me as ‘Dearie.’ or ‘Sweet heart,’ but the new cook, a wa’chful chap, gave me no title at all. “One day we had some company, some English officers. 1 told them how I had overcome, in my new cook’s case, the naive servants nor rid abuse of their employers’ Chrt* tisn name? and I said. ‘By this s*r « ant, at ! >ißt, you won't hear called An .’ “Just then the new cook entered the room. He bowed to me respect fully and said: “ ‘Sweetheart, dinner is served.’ “‘What?’ I stammered. “ ‘Dinner Is -served, dearie,' an swered the new cook.”—New York Herald. Slightly Misunderstood. The hazy recollections or dim Im pressions that people not overbur dened with a fund of general informa lion retain of things they have *•«. cr heard of frequently result in an ing descriptions and definitions ’ The little book with the x's and the y’s scattered all over if w.i • fail ly suggestive of algebra, even thuusk it let rayed ignorance of the of arithmetic ofl lb inf! :>f •1 in who thus described It. When watches were not. as plen ful in Scotland as they are ro da\ peasant who had taken a watch from the pocket of an officer who wr killed during a campaign in the Hig lands was mystified by the unceasing noise it made. On taking it home h<- told his friends that he had found » beautiful snuffbox with a fly inside. As little understood were the work ings of a telegraph office by tin n an who, on receiving a telegram from h son, hesitated to believe it was from Pat because “his writing isn'* a !>»: like that." Recipe for a World. Take one man, a woman and a gar* den. Add an apple and a good fresh snake. Stir gently until the pot be gins to boll, then drain off the app>. and keep adding children, blmmer on a slow fire, then put on ice. Alter nate between the two extremes, giv ing the whole a good, sound basting when needed, turning slowly in a proper space. Keep adding time until the mass Is of the consistency of a mud pie covered with ants Multiply the Inhabitants and garnish with vil lages, towns, cities and empires. Now Introduce a little theology and enough devil sauce to spice. Keep adding bat tle, murder, sudden dta’.h and a good layer of cant. Put plenty of salt In the water and sprinkle with bad soci ety. When your world Is finished throw It in the fire and begin al! over agaia.—Leesburg (Ohio) Buckeye. THE STATESMAN, DENVER. COLORADO. KNEW NOTHING ABOUT COFFEE. Hotel Keeper’s Shrewd Evasion of Hi* Complaining Guests. George O. Stacy, proprietor of a well known hotel at East Gloucester, Mass., possesses a ready wit which has often enabled him to easily cast aside worries frequently arising in connection with the managemet of a large summer hotel. On one occasion during a change in the regime in the kitchen, although everything else went along satisfact orily. it seemed almost impossible for the new cooks to make good coffee. While an endeavor was being made by the chef to have this defect reme died several old maids, who were guests, took it upon themselves to have the matter corrected by com* plaining to Mr. Stacy personally al>out It. Getting together in a body, and en tering the proprietor’s private office, one of them opened up the subject by saying: “Mr. Stacy, the coffee at breakfast this morning was so bad that we couldn’t drink if.’’ Without giving the others time to say anything. Mr. Stacy quickly re plied; “Well, is that so? I'm glad I took tea this morning instead.” which ended the Interview, as the old ladles had nothing further to say and made a hasty exit, to the great amuse ment of the other guests. The coffee, however, immediately improved. LAWS PASSED BY THE MAORIS Excellent as a Sample of Primitive Self-Go .ernment. There are some L'.ange laws in the Cook islands, in the eastern Pacific, though they are a portion of the Brit ish empire. The population is Maori, and each island legislates for its If. The island council ol Manlhlklon? of the group have lately passed an oniiance fo "regulate village life” within the Bland, which is highly In-' foresting as a sample of primitive self-government. They begin by re-enacting "the an dent law of Manihlki as to dogs." said law sentencing to death any dogs on the Island. Pigs are not to wan der at large, and any person wander ‘ng about after 9 p. m. n ay he arrest ed and taken to the courthouse to ex plain his reason for being abroad. No debt incurred by a native in habitant Is to be recoverable In any court. Selling or giving Intoxicating liquor to any native inhabitant. |g punishable with a fine, with a reserva tion of a limited quantity for sick people. Adverlifer •me -A. fc. . . , •* No Smoke for Him. There Is a clever young physician In Philadelphia who has never been able to smoke a cigar. “Just one poisons me." says the youthful doctor. Recently the doctor was Invited to a large dinner party given by a New- York friend. At the conclusion of the repast, when the women had left the table, cigars were accepted by all the men except the physician from Phil adelphia. Peeing his friend refuse the cigar the host In astonishment ex claimed : “What, not smoking? Why. ray dear fellow, you lose half your dinner!” *• Yen. I ! now I do,” meekly replied he doctor, “but if I smoked, I would lose the *hole of It!’’—The Sunday wfudn e. ' SI6 P?E r B To an co^ enUe - KlLLtme COUCH I AND CURE the LUNCS Saturdays and. Sundays W,TH Dr. King’s New Discovery Mrs. Annie Davis consumption pnJ , FQR I OUGHSand B0c&$1.00 ILE CREAM PARLOR v™* Fr„ w .i. 11 " ' ~~ ~ Surest and Quickest Cure for all THROAT and LUNO TROTTB- The Patronage of the LEB, or MONEY BACK. Public is Solicited * > ThiT Golden Chest Mining, Milling and Tunnel Co. Incorporated under the laws of ike State of Colorado. CAPITALIZATION 250,000 Shares. TREASURY STOCK 125,000 Shares Par Value $l.OO, e Series B. Block of 26,000 Shares at 26 cents per share now is the tune to Doy wont iney are at a low ligure ana in the reach of all. One tenth down and monthly payments of $6.00. Write postal cart) for circular for full information or call at olßce. 122.'! 19th street, Denver, Colo. G. C. SAMI'! E Secy BOARD OF DIRECTORS IR. W C. COTTRELL. REV. .1 E FORD. I’m phvcicmo Dci*ver Pastor Zion Baptist c» un t> » J. W. JACKSON •< R LEWIS. TON O.C SAMPLE. DR. P E SPRATLJN Colorado I.pjri-htKrw. C \ PR \ NKLIN. Efiitor Statesman sCectc i We are now pleased to announce to | t the public that we are now locating at ) 2057 J Larimer street with ail kinds of k hair goods and ornamental goods of 4 all kinds and we also announce we 4 have a full line of millinery in the 4 latest Parisian style in hats and bon- F 4 nets of all kinds. r 4 Miss Genevieve Hallowell, prop. } Mrs. J. R. Hallowell, mgr. . m ; v v Vtrv v VV THOS CLINGMAN Cigars and Smoking Tobaccos * Every accommodation for pleasure seekers. A toroe'for strangers, Agent Dr. Perkins’ American Herbs PHONE 392 BLACK. Four of the most iestred spots in Am <ri' a