The Evening World Daily Magazine, Sa t u r d a y , June! , 1912
Can You Beat It?
By Maurice Kettcn
Vnm rabHaMa Oa.
New Tears WorM.)
ESTAm.lHIIKD HV JOSEPH MJLTTZEn.
tNfclUaai Daily Except Sunday by the Press Publishing Company, Nofc M tf
63 Turk now. New York.
nAT.nr Ptn.iTzrcn. rresicnt. s Park irnw.
J. ANOt'R RrrWV, Trrau-r, Park Itnw.
JOSBPI! I'UMTZBn. Jr.. Secutary, 65 Park How.
.Entered at the Post-Office at New TmV aa Seeond.Cl" Matter. .
rlntlnn Rare in Th Rvenlncllrvtr ttnrtand anil the Continent Ana
World for th United States I All Countries In the international
and Canada, I Postal Union. t.
Or Tear tS.Rolona Tfr '
Ona Month 10 1 One Month
UXE is here, 1912 is approaching high noon nnrt the old nlmn-
. I 1,1,08 ossura ,18 that never again this year will tho lenvrs he
so green, tho grass so foft and the flowers so fair as during
these thirty days.
So make tho most of what is in temperature, length of day, sun
shine and roses tho loveliest month of the twelve.
If you are poetical June gets its nomo from the queenly Txitin
If you are fussy and hookworiny It Is Juno hccnuBO in tho
Boman calendar it was dedicated "a Jundorihus" that is, to tho
junior or inferior branch of the original legislature of Home.
Tho Romans believed it "tho most propitious season of tho year
for contracting matrimonial engagements."
Tho moderns regard it as tho leant unlucky month to got mar
But June's brightest glory is -its weather.
Perhaps the truest thing ever said of it in these parts is that
"June is in reality what the poeti only dream May to b,"
BE NICE TO THE NEIGHBORS.
AN International Committee of Peaco and Friondship rum just
been formed in Mexico City through tho efforts of Lawyer
lleribcrto Barron, Mexican Commercial Agent in Now York
and former member of tho Mexican Congress. This coramittco,
which is composed of twenty prominent Mexicans and representative
Americans of the Mexican capital, will consider ways and means to
increaso friendliness and mutual understanding between tho United
States and Moxico.
In his announcement of tho committee's purpose Mr. Barron
lays special stress on the desirability in tho present crisis in his coun
try of destroying the bogy of intervention by strengthening the con
fidence of the Mexicans in tho good will of this country.
Exchange of lecturers ana college students and excursions of
Mexican newspaper men to the United States would, in Mr. Barron's
view, do much to clear up any doubt and distrust that may have-gathered
as to the real relations of the two countries.
The idea has tho marks of common senso. Anything that will
encourage tho knowledge' and broader outlook, which arc the surest
antidotes to the pernicious poison of Jingoism and jealousy that cer
tain quack patriots are forever dispensing, is bound to bo a good
thing. After all, in the small affairs of life experience has taught
every man that it's tho best plan in the long run to bo on good terms
with the neighbors next door.
Why shouldn't it be tho same with nations? t
WHERE MERCY MISCARRIES.
THE spectacle of a street car rowdy, a married man, weeping in
the dock when threatened with six months in the workhouse,
while his poor wdfe and even one of those whom he had in
sulted begged tho judge to show mercy because she must go penniless
if he weregiven his deserts, makes ono almost regret tho tar barrel
ad the whipping-post.
The man in question waa doubly corrtomptiblo because when
be grossly insulted a Jewish girl in a Long Island train he did so
agiivst the protests of has own wif o who sat beside him.
The Night Court Magistrate hit it right when ho said: "You
re a dirty loafer and I am going to send you to the workhouse for
Yet the wife protested that
her, and even tho male companion of tho insulted girl, who had al
ready thrashed the scoundrel, at lost interceded for him. Tho
Magistrate put him under bonds for six months. The fellow had a
ehac to escape what he deserved, thankB to those ho had wronged.
Let the rich who are trying
money consider a fund for maintaining innocent wives while their
low-down, no-account husbands are
THE "movies" have photographed roaring lions; they have caught
charging rhinoceroses; they havo braved tho Colonel in tho
act of speech. Now that tho moving picture man has taken
private views of the crater of Vesuvius getting ready for an orup
tion this generation may congratulato itself upon having "fillummed"
most everything that's fearsome
To ATert Brlilne Arrldeata.
While travelllnic on a Brooklyn
Bapld Transit surface car the 3tn-r
night, crossing tho brlage the pole on
op of the car allpped off the electrlo
wire, and all waa dark. And all around
tho outside of the car was also dark, A
car was coming along at a fair speed
book of us. Now, before the car back
of us could stop It was almost on top
of u, because the motormsn In the!
rear car had no way of telling that we
were there. My Idea Is to place a red
oil lamp on the rear of every surface
rar going acroan the bridge, mo as to
rrasn the motorman on the rear car and
avoid many a future accident.
Tli In Commuters.
T i Hit Editor of Tlx Hftnlun. Worllt
Hespondlng to the query relative to
the thin and attenuated appearance ot
the average commuter, aa observed by
ono of your readers, I would say that
tbo plight ot our slim brother from the
aubuitoa la not a Joke but deplorably
all. I would ask whether tho gentle
man making the aforementioned query
has ever endeavored to brave the
'Charge ot the Maddened atob" at any
ec tM various ferries and railroad term
she would havo no ono to support
td think of original usee for their
getting what's coming to them.
Ilnali throughout this great city from
4 to I". M nix days a week, and
whether he hns witnessed the convolu
tions, evolutions and nerve-racklnc
antics of the countless thousand! of
victlmi of "Commuterltls," all obsessej
with the one thought and desire to "get
there.' And In conclusion. I would ay
that In this sprctacle he would rind his
answer. Tao llesh-destroylng, health
Impairing contortion, of our suburban
rrlfnas to board a t I M. train at
4.50 are, I repeat, not a Joke, but a
serious proposition. it. ji.
A History Query,
To Itit KllUr ol Ttu i:rili wri.i,
Where can I buy a history of Mary
wurn oi ricoiai aiio tin lire history
of Queen KlUabsthT
At any larue bookstore you will find
hlstorlu worka conlulnlng the life atorlea
or both Quecna,
Central I'nrU Hin Aerrs. Proapact
Park BliOl-0 Acre.
To iU Wltor of TU KTnln WorHi
Which park Is lurger, l'rospect or Ten-
ru" A, 11. U
None t'aunllr Oliarrvril,
'To tbt lilltor U Tin laming WorM.
Is thens a leal liollduy In the United
BUitst j, K N. a.
Astoria, U t
v ''J3?! a
Cot'rrtfht, 1012. W Th 1'rtM I'uUbUn Ow.
(Tlw Nw Vuck WucU),
AW, cu't I bt a Boy Scout?1
atked Willie Jarr. "Oul
Bepter la a Boy Boout ami no
In luy 8 av naky and Johnny Itnnglei
"I don't think thoe are nice boya ror
you to aaioclate with," replied the
mother. "Quaale Bepler Un't reflned,
nor that Blavlniky boy either, for that
"Aw you don't have to be refined to
bo a Boy Scout." aM Manter Jarr.
"Well, you ehould," remarked Mre.
Jarr llrmly. "14onel Fotherbrain'e
mother 'li cndeavorlna; to get htm Into
tho Knickerbocker Oraye, which U
oompoaed of boye belonglns to tho
(amlllei of the hlffhrit eoclal atandlnc
In New York. Ho I only your age,
Willie. And yet he con epeak Fronch
and play the piano."
"Aw, he crlee If he Kete hie clothee
dlrtyl" eatd Master Jarr contemptuous
ly, "and he hn eurUl"
'He 1 a little getleman." replied Mr.
Jarr, "and you would do well It you
patterned after htm."
"That Boy Bcout movement It a good
thin for tho youniter," ipoke up
How They Knew.
.... , , , . , ,, . .. ,.
"How did tho police know It wasn't
a woman wno nu ju.i u.cu uiu ibis-
"ueeaue mey learned mat mo
phono had been In use barely ten
cS00 ONe UA& NDftb CENTS
""ninv our Or THE WROHfr DOOR.
Mr. Jarr. "I think I'd rther im WUU. ,
a Ooy Scout than to know ho oouM
patc French and play a piano."
-r ' i f --- - i r . i
BBBra I 1 tiurnr V
OoprriM, 1012, by Tl Pnw IMblUhlnf Co. (The Nnt York WorM).
The Matter ot the House.
Hrtn.i Th. JotiM flat. .
Ctiuact.n: Mr. Jonti. lira. Jonm Nora awl
JloJs. . . .. . .1.-
I. (scowling arouno in.
table)-WhBro'a the beer,
Mary? You ought to know
by thla Omo that the boat
meal you can put before mo
isn't worth a hill of beans unlets I
have my glass of beer.
iMra. J. (hastily) I don't know why
they didn't aend It, John, I ordered It.
Mr. J. (severely) Tho usual way, I
suppose! Forgot It untlt about ton
minutes before I got home and thin
phoned for It.
Mrs. J. (ansrlly)-I didn't! I ordered
It tills morning.
(Duaibwnlter bell Is heard. Nora an
swers.) Nora (appearing at door) Please,
muni, a dollar ana a quarter ror mo
(Mra. J. (meekly)-aiava you got tho
chango handy, John?
Mr. J. (with rage)-Oh, so that's th
came, Is It? Bay, thta steer Is going
to bo worked once too often. Time the
arrival of stuff ao that I'll be here to
shell out, and you're ahead on the table
(Nora (cpJmly)-Ray. that feller"!! be
cwsln' In a minute!
Mr. J. (diving down) Welt. I'll tflll
you one thing If It wasn't the beer you
wouldn't get a cent out of me
(Nona sends down the two dollar bill
and brlners In a bottle.)
Mr. J. (putting his hand on tho bottle)
(Muit 'a' come out of an oven! Don't
they havo Ice where this stuff comes
Mrs. J. (mournfully) Oh. John, you're
vetting to be awful; you never say
anything pleasant any more! Can't you
te n little considerate, dearT
Mr. J. (loudly)-ConslderateT That'o
the trouble-too much consideration!
I'm wing to have this houso run right,
that's nil, And I'M master!
Nora (bursting In, red of face)-Thot
illvll sine up the wrong chango an' he
won't Klve me no satisfaction!
Mr. J, (wrathfully) How much short
Nnrn (breathlessly) Ha slnds me up
two 'nuanors on iiro nime. ana no;
,..,, ,.,,. h. . .
... ..,..Ma ho nickel!
Mv. J. (rising, sternly) He did! What
u he? A voun boy?
I Nora (expresslvely)-Dlvll a bit av a
D'V! Hu's as big as two av ye, savin'
0 f eeueve) I
Willie Jarr Wants to Be a Boy Scout
Just to Tempt a Few Scalp Hunters
JyNWWWWlAW ft3ffi$3ffftftttftWXf S(t(WJWWW WWJWKW
"Cn I tt a scouu- bo, aiawr
aikd Matt.r Jarr. who saw that the
fliaouwlon between W partnti waa
yer preslnce, an' the arms av him si-a
like the Ould Boy's, only worser!
Sir. J. (nonchalantly dropping back
Into his chair) Oh, well, what's the use
of making a fuss about a nickel? Lite's
Nora (writhing) An' yer coin' to let
thot blackleg git way wld It? If I wux
a man 1'K go down there an pull the
tongue av Jilm out av tho froat av
Mrs. J. (sweetly suggesting) The
master of the houae should look out
for tho nickels, especially when It's HTS
Mr. J. (sharply, down shaft)-Man?
MAN! You made a mistake In tho
change: send up the other nickel right
Voice: ! !
Mr. J. (still more sharply) Now don't
use language of that sort, because my
wife's hero. And If you don't send up
that nickel, even though It 13 only a
nickel, I'll call your boss up Immediate
ly and have you fired.
Nora (Just bursting with fervor)-Aw!
Fer the love av htvln, say somethtn'
BACK to him! He'a cursln' at ye don't
ya recocntxa curse words? He's callln'
Mr. J. (edging away from shaft) T
vou think I will bandy words with that
Nora (open-mouthed with wonder)
Pld y HI3AB whot he called yo? Do
ys call that bsndyln' words? In MY
country If a man called another man
thot he'd be toetn' measured for the
wood box b now!
Mrs. J. (sppearlng)-JMr. Jones'a gen
tle nature shrinks from anything like
Nora (energetically) Lemma git there!
(ehoutlng) fllnd up thot ntokel, ys nrur-
therln' thato, or rll scald the aoaJp av
ye off n yo wld a pat! av hot wather.
I'll havo yo Jugged, an' the b'y in bluo
at the corner Is the wan to do It, too,
Jua' try to git out av thot there cellar
wld thot ntokel In yer panta an' ye'll
be tellln' th Judge the story r.v yer
life In tin mlnuteal Bind up thot nlokel
now, or I'll bo Blvln' yo all yer lookln'
fer! An', 'nln' ye, t got the rlddest
hair YB ever seen I
(After much pink and gold repartee
the nlokel appears.)
Nora (ooldly)-Wlll yo bo afther hand
In' the chango to tho MASTBn av tho
house, plaao mum?
I Spilled coffeen Saucer. 1
QrHignrKitte cents fihz j
-gf For Iookikg
taking tho conversation away from the
"Astc your father," said Mrs. Jarr,
"ho seems to prefer you should be In
terested In euch things."
Mnster Jarr produced a tattered, rod
"This la Iziy Btavlnsky's," he said,
"and It tolls you how to gtvo the
Bcout'a ealuto and how to be a Scout
I'm a Tenderfoot now."
"Well, you SHOULD be, the way you
kick your feet through your shoes!"
sniffed his mother.
"Would you rather learn to speak
French and piny the piano like little
Linnet Fctlicrbraln or be a Boy Scout
asked Mr. Jarr.
"I'd rather bo a Boy Scout," replied
Master Jarr eagerly.
"I heard Mrs, aushmore read a paper
deprecating the Boy Scouts movement,
claiming It Inculcated a fighting spirit In
boys," said Mrs. Jarr. "Wo may not
ALWAYS llvo In this neighborhood, and
I think It would be much better If our
children made other associations than
with Ileplers and Slavlnskyst"
"Qussto Bepler Is all right!" said Mas
ter Jarr eagerly, "He can play a mouth
organ with hts nose, and Izzy Slavlnsky
can talk gibberish so nobody can un'
derstond him unless you give him a cent
to toll you what It means'."
"There, you see!" cried Mr. Jarr.'
"The neighborhood which you decry ot
fers exceptional Advantages In musloand
laniruuges! Can Master Lionel Fether
brain play a mouth organ with his nose?
Can he nonvorse In gibberish?"
"Mrs. Fethorbraln pays five dollars a
lesson to his piano teacher and Ave dol-'
lars a lrsson to his French tutor, and
that's more than we can afford for our
"I'm glad ot It." replied Mr. Jarr. "It
will do Willie moro good to get his ac
complishments as he's now getting them.
Besides, It's cheaper. If ho goes in tho
business I'm In, ploying tho piano and
apraklng French will get him nowhere."
"I'm not spanking of bualneaa," aald
Mrs. Jarr. "Im speaking of refined as
sociations." "Can't you compromise, Willie?"
asked Mrs. Jarr. "Couldn't you be a
refined Boy Scout?"
'You betchcr I could!" cried Master
Jarr. "Scouts don't chew tobacco or
smoke cigarettes, and they know how
to camp out and tell the tracks of wild
anlmala and what kind ot weeds are
poison nnd trees by their bark and
leaves, and how to swim and build camp
fires, and everything,"
"And would you rather know wood
craft than how to play the piano?" Mr.
Jarr Inquired. "Don't you want to have
your hair long and In curls, like little
"I want to be a Boy Scout nnd I don't
want to play the piano," replied Mnster
Jarr. "But all the gang ure going to
let their hair grow long like Buffalo
'Bill, because then the Indians want to
get your scalp, dlmme a dollar, Paw,
to Join lha Bay Sssuta. svab'4 a-out"
CorrrtlM. 1012. br Th. Pnm rnUM
LAB, the tender, "clingino vine,"
Once loved by
ttoto doet her
Vpon a tturdy
It it difficult for a man to tell which
a uvjmon pint or opinion.
TPhmjin t Th am tftttnJt 4m
, the cynic hit grouch, and the tinner
Everybody teems to be able to give a woman advice on how to keen' her
husband at home cvcnlnot. Jiut nobody ever offers her any advice on how
to endure him after the hat accomplished it.
A man grows to hate the tcoman icho is forever moralizing, fust at a
small boy hates the person who is forever washing his face.
Everybody sccnli to be going through life at automobile speed no'Cd-
days, but alas, there ate no sentimental parages by Life's wayside at which
wa may obtain a fresh supply of emotions, purchase a new thrill or patch
up an exploded ideal.
At this time of the year it is difficult to tell which is the more trying
and unsatisfying, a moon with the wrong man, or the right man without
As a tongue-twisting sentence, "Pelcr riper picked a peck of pickled
peppers" doesn't seem to be in it with "Will you marry mcf
The Week's Wash.
By Martin Green.
CnprrUht, 1013, by The I'm I'uUbhlag Co. (The Nw York World).
ItETTY smooth work of the
hotel men In getting college
tudents to take tho place ot
their striking wait
ers." said the head
replied the laundry
man, "but how
about the college
students? Where do
they get off? How
thall wo classify a
young man who has
the advantages of an
education that will
Insure him freedom
from making his
living at a laborious or menial occupa
tion kicking In as a strikebreaker to
apoll the chances of waiters who want
better working conditions.
In my opinion these 'rah 'rah boys
who are taking the places ot striking
wallers are lifted pretty far down In
public opinion. They may think It a larK
to go into a hotel ana can enow irom
tho kitchen to the dininic room ami
clear the dirty dishes away and accept
tips, but It Is a deadly serious business
with the men who have to dovoto their
lives to It.
"The action of college boys In taking
the ptaccs of waiters on strlko serves
to encourage an Idea prevalent In U.u
ranks of men who toll with their hands
and thtnk a lot and don't say much
that our colleges and universities are
schools for strikebreakers. Only recently
oollege boys helped break a street car
strike In New Kngland, working as mo
tormen and conductors. Tho status of
a professional strikebreaker Is pretty
well fixed In the public mind. It will
not servo ns an excuse for the collegn
boy that he Is working his way through
Softool and needs all the money he can
earn. There aro other avenues of em
ployment open than taking tho places
ot waiters who aro striking for higher
pay. The summer hotels will soon havo
places open for all tho college boys
whose Inclinations lead them to wait on
table during tho vacation season.
"When tho waiters' strlko Is over
there should be another strike. The
patrons of restaurants should go on
strike against tho system by which a
In Search of His Home.
PEAOEAllLK TMnt u mldr iwaktnl
from ilrrp Uit wttk, at about 2. SO A. M..
by lmici rloi at hit door twil.
Throwin oittn tin ninilow. tit (tuck Mi head
out and In do iirj plruant mtanrt dunsixtal to
know ht wu wmteJ.
" 'Acute ine. elr." iniwrmt a muddled ol.
"Doe. Jonee hie hlc lit. herer" '
"Jonnl" eiM the party addreawJ, anpily, "Of
count not, What C!e dertl do you ratta by ring.
Inc ioilt'i belli at this tUM ot moralnft Win
m ou, aoywiyt"
"Wlio m II ataea ine ainuroer, anjmxeniiy
urvrUed at not brluf recofnlied, "Way, I'm
Turn on the Calcium.
rllE dnorbril of th. Vinltyi' himrx re of at
bout 8 o'clock one debt, lad sirs. Vanity
nld. escitedli. to her tiiubandt
"Thin. Charles. I know theft the furniture
ran comlnf with the new bedroom tutte we bought
to-day, and It It It I Jon won t tcccirt it, inu e
"Wiy not!" ae.t Mr. Vtolty.
"Why not!" replied Mn. Vanity. "ri yon
think I'm eulnz to t'lf ISO for a tult and then
Dial. It nt out hire till dark eo tlut none of
it neighbor! rta see It vrlxn It's hroivht Inl
Not it I know it,- ijomwn -ieintrapn.
POLITICIAN who waa mailt a home-to.
houw caniaat came to a (armliouac, wntn
lie obaonrtl an elderly woman standing
at the sate, and the .oanilidaU gracefully Mini
bit hat and lio'JWlr aikedi "No rloubt, toy dear
madam, )our hwband la at home!"
"Tea," ret ponded ma woman,
Co. (Th. Tor WocW,"
every normal chap, '
clinging, I opine,
he find more uncomfortable about
fiiMr tm littt thm nrrtrhr htn text.
hit juttlfkattonl h
man cannot get decent service without
tipping everybody In the place from the
head waiter to the hat boy, That would
be some strlko If anybody had the ncrv
to start It."
A 8urprlie Party.
said the head polisher.
do you think about
the claim of tho Taft man-
aers that they will control the Chicago
Convention becaus. they control the
National Committee whleh will pass on
tho credentials of the delegates?"
"Agalnnt anybody but Col. Roosevelt,"
said the laundry man, "that claim might
hold good. The trouble wtl the Taft
people Is that they are proceeding alon
tho line of procedent. Col. Ilooievelt
has no respect for precedent or tha
time-honored rules of the game of poli
tics. He makes his own rules.
' "When the Colonel tarts out to reach
a goal ho goes In a straight line, ac
companied by a brass band, a fife and
drum corps, a calliope, a company of
Hough itulers and nrtltlcry. He cam
paigned for' tho Covernorshlp "of Jfow
York dressed In his khaki service uni
form from tho Spanish-American war.
Tho Colonel Is his own umpire, and
anybody who thinks he Is going to
tread In tho mosagrown footsteps of by
gono politicians Is due for a surprise
i Oh, See Him I
.SDK," said the head polisher,
"that a Massachusetts young
woman says her new husband Is
an Ideal man becauso lis doesn't smoke,
drink or eat meat."
'If I were that bride," replied the
laundry man, "I'd keep pretty clotr
tabs on said husband when he was
away from homo and flroslde."
' He' down In the (utttire a-taryinf the doj.'
w fbt retJy of th. InxHilduU at the gate.
I ant rerr rry to learn of the death of your
anj, came In eympethltui too. from Lha
data. "What Idlled him!" V
"lit wore iUttU out a-barklng at tha
dates," aald the woman, Tit.Iltta.
Real Generosity. 4
rich." ulU'Jm fcW.S
cb.',ir,ouY" " i
"He made 'ma think of a lawytr. who, harli.(
won i tin inrolrlng a hundred pound, tterllnt
kept eighty pounde for bit let. tod tti.1. aa hi
handed oier tha btlanct ot tstnty uouodt to Ma
" 'I am your friend, tir. I can't eharse ton
my full fee, I knew your father,'
" Thank loodnrte,' aald tha client, warmly
'that you didn't know my grandfather.' " Wash'.
A.VCrillO near Xrnla, 0 had been ar
retted for ohlckeu itcallng, lie had ttol-n
ao many that hit crlm. had brcoma trend
Me we i tried, conrlcted and broustit In for
"Hate you any reaion to offer nhy the Judg
ment of tho court ittould uot be wuol uuon
you!" ha waa aaksd,
"Well. leOte " he replied, "I caln't go to fail
ow, nohow. I'm bulldln' a aback out jonder aa'
i hlft cn' . on i j, ,, , .11 vl
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