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The evening world. [volume] (New York, N.Y.) 1887-1931, November 18, 1913, Final Edition, Image 18

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The Evening World Daily Magazine. Tuesday; November 18, 1913
V i fr5 n
Dally Eacept Sunday by the Pres. Publishing Company. Nee, M w
I Prk Aov, New York.
RALPH rnrMTZKB. President, SI Piirk Row.
J. A NOUS MIAW Treasurer. 43 Park Row.
JOSEPH PULITZER, Jr.. Herrrtary. t park now.
Knterad at th Post-Office at N'ew Tork aa Peeond-Claas Matter.
on Rataa to The Evening
WorVd fc: :ha United States
I Tear..
For England anr! the I'ontlnant an4
All Countries In the Inter national
Postal I'ntoo.
Ona TMr.M..,...,..M..n I I TS
Ona Monlb..... e eat arrest .11
Can You Beat It ?
'Tha New V Man-Fif vVMfJ )
VOLUME 64 NO. 13,082 1
NEW YORKERS aro reputed thfl Kr,t,'f't hustlers and pusher
on eartb. The are lappOMd to fret wliat tihcy want iilnmst
aa soon an thev w;int it. The fart is New Yorker. plnrj .Jowly, I
Batient.lv. t'TPIl 1 mini I V toward tlx- flinrrq In -.hli t.lipv nr.. 111,1a. t
w . . 0. . ..
Thii Treat city il proud of tiio nimlile iim It has learned to make
of the telephone on a vgst oalo. Ft ban seized upon the telephone and
made it an inseparable part f its daily, hourly life. With a generous
patronage increaaing by I. ,ip nnd bonnds it Iih enalil a smjrle tele
phone company to build up a mighty aye torn that pnye huge dividends.
It ha firen that single telephone company the whole field to itself.
Haa the public ever aaid to iteelf that auch tolaaaaj volume of
Telephone parronafre ought, according to all laws of business, to beget
a serrice in the widest sense popular, on i form and cheap?
Hardly. On the contrary New Yorkers have continued to put
op witfc a complicated system of zones and tolls, have gone on paying
ton oenti to telephone lo points where thev can ride in a trolley ear
for five cents. And when the telephone monopoly takes down a
trifling bar somewhere with a frreat flourish the ptiblic is expected to
ba rneelftv grateful.
It ia time to change all thi.
Every other large city in the country long since awoke to tho
faet that when it achieves the full telephone habit it is entitled to a
uniform cheap rate throughout the city limit".
This is the. biggest city in the country with the bifgaai telephone
fastness. It ought to be posible to telephone anywhere throughout
tha length and breadth of Greater New York for five cents.
Tho fivw-eent telephone rate in New York ia due and overdue.
When the newspaper men tald "Tammany," Senator O'Gorman
I got falter of good nature than of fight.
The BaftMer Whs Will Hot Let Others Listen.
HOW OFTEN ia pleaaure at theatre or concert in New York
aporled becanae eomebody beeide, behind, or nearby has come
to hear himself inatead of the performance.
Hare you noticed the increasing number of people who think it
mart to thow their detachment by talking when others are listening?
Have yon noticed that the man who "haa heard the piece before"
to tho theatre more than ever in order to repeat the lines or hum
tunes for the torment of those in hie Ticinity?
Have you noiced that eteaKhy, continued whispering in a theatre
ia aa bad or worse than talking aloud that it blura your understand
ing of the aetore in exactly Dhe same way thaft some one beside you
waring a white handkerchief would diatract you to madness if vou wer
trying to look at a picture?
, ' Some people talk art t-he theatre from vwiity. Othere when forced
to ait quiet must rattle Their touguea to relieve the echoing emptiness
of their heads. Still others talk eimply because they are too selfish
toeonaider the feelings of people around 'them.
" For whatever reason tlhey do it, all those who habitually disturb
ttniir neighbors with talk during play or muaie are pests Public Peats
oj the worst sort.
The Mayor's Secretary describes the disappearance of the Park
? Commissioner as "decidedly Stoveresque." If Mr. Stover Is playfully
snooping wound somewhere, hoping to read his obituary, somebody
ought to gratify him with one In the same spirit.
ARE the "movies" taking customers away from the saloons?
In the course of a catalogue of woes including Sunday
Excise laws, reformers and the high cost of living, a Jersey
Orty saloon-keeper telling hia'troubles to the sympathizing Sun de
clares that "in the good old d aye, before the movies craze, men of
mall means would drop into a barroom and spend some small change
before they got out. Now moat of them go to the motion picture
shears and etay there an boor for a nickel or a dime." Then, having
had all the exeitement thay want, they go etTaight home and the sa
lean man haa no good of them.
If the saloon man ia right, and this process tie going on on a large
l, tfee feet ia significant. The man with an hour and a nickel to
ia looking for amnaemenbetimnlating if possible. If he
the niekaj art the bar as formerly the stimulus is all physical.
If he goes to the moviee it ia largely mental, which is at least a grade
higher, and if eomething he see brings an honest laugh or tear, the
etfcnulus may even achieve a fleeting jump to moral levels.
Progress aometimes allows Haelf to be thus caught in the art.
eta often be identified by its rictfra in thia case the saloon-keeper.
This ts the week aristocratic horses have a chance to get together
manure op the homsns la the boxes.
Letters From the People!
() By Maurice Ketten 0(nfl!
I inn
aM eggggggsT Hr mm m
CSPflSJR, i!ia. If T!it Prra MNMSS OSb (Tt-a Nw Tofk Ktmtfig World).
LITTLI lie told for love s sake Is better than a bitter truth told for
(Hndor's sake.
A wife SOfBStlflBSS Keto awfully tired of being a combination rib, back
bono and wliole moral anatomy.
Tliere-K BOSSSthlM s,) supernal looking about a pretty (tlrl in an apron
Standing over a COOk-StOVS that the sieht has convinced many a hardened
bachelor thai married lite would N one u-u IuUhImji baouuat.
Of course sreDMI should have perfect faith In hrr husband, but even
the Scriptures don't require t hat she should ku so far as to let him select
bis owu trslaed nurse.
When a lover bcaTus to demand Instead of to plead Jove ha lilt
1 olmri:;. ii slide.
It takes a lot of mental science for an unhappy wife to convince her
self that there is no audi tiling as evil, nd that therefore her husband
DlUSt bs only "an Illusion." '
Win n a girl galls n man
enough lo accommodate her.
to receive her hloalti(r for
0 be "nice" to another girl he may be foeligh
hut lie needn't be fooliMi enough to expect
The "blighted being" is passe. As far as men are concerned, the
greatest rime on earth a woman can commit is to be unhappy.
Being poor la nothing: it's being caught without the goodt that hurts.
Twenty Gems
Of American Humor
Funoos Selections From the Works of Oar Coun
try's Foremost Ls.ughma.kers.
IS THE COURTIS. By James Rmtell Lowell.
I i .i
GOU rn.'ikea sech
nights. all
white an'
at. a
Kiir'is on can look
or listen.
Moonshine an' now
on fioltj nn' hill.
All atlcaos an' all
Zcklc rep' up nuita
An' poked In tin i'
the winder,
An' tl;re sot 1 1 t iv
nit alone,
'1th no om nlgli rt
bender, 1
knin(lx. IMUI, h, Thr I'na ibliaUai Co.
(Ttl Nf.i Tork KoalBI W..-WI
IT being pay day, Michael Angelo
1 Dlnkaton, alttcleney enclneer for
Smith A Co., name to the ofllre.
Mr. Jarr looked up from hla Ueak. be
cauaa he heard Mr. Dlnkaton murmuring
a proteat to Johnaon, the caehter.
Janklna, the bookkeeper, noticed the
low-toned altercation, too, and he came
over t" Mr. Jarr'a dealt for aome ofBie
goaalp nnd backbiting.
"tin glad that akate Dlnkaton l get
ting It In the neck'" said Mr. Jenklna
to Mr. Jarr. "Hero I work day In and
day out aM the vear 'round, and over
time. wWiotit pay for It. In the bUSf
.nun. and that guy Uinkaton never
doea a thing hut shoot hot air Into tlte
hose about 'eo-operative co-orfllnalon,'
'speeding up,' 'wastage stops,' 'Coat
heeta,' and all that hunk, tveil, I'm
glad the uoea la getting wlae. Do you
aiippoae Dlnkaton'n got canned?"
"No, I don't think SO" whispered Mr.
Jarr; "the hoaa aeeme pleased at all
his recommendations."
"Just the aame, I think he's got
docked for something." said Jenkins.
He's ki . king like a steer to the caahler,
and Johnson's ahaklng hla head and
passing tlie buck."
"Well, here conies the boss." aald
Mr. Jarr. "8lt tight pretend we're look
Ing over and checking up these In-
Mr. Jarr Listens to a Grievance.
The First of Its Kind on Record
volcea. You can hear eveiy word atantly!" Mr. Dikalon wai heard III
through the partition wlien they apeak I jay.
loud." "You se." whlapered the liatenlns
Sure enough, Mr. Michael Angelo i bookkeeper on the other side of the pai -Dlnkaton
followed the boss into hla, tltlon, "you see. Ed Jarr. all those ar'-
prlvate ofllce and began Ins proteat
right off.
"Mr. flmltk," began the peerless of
fice efficiency engineer, "my stipend
has been tampered with. It la not the
um I have been accustomed to receive
1 cannot permit of it. sir Hence
ly accept my resignation!"
"Mr. Dlnkaton, don't do any'hlng
raah." aald the boss, In a placating tone.
"It waa my best Judgment and"
"I must ask that my emolument he
reatorsd to Its original amount, and 1n-
iT.ir nnrinnnririni-irii-inririrririnriririrrinnnrii-iririnnnni,ii'- a a a a H " I
1 Broadwav Ballads (X.)
x ,
Hits From Sharp Wits.
California haa found that th. tango
haa a uuLUn effM upon the Inawne.
N'situraslv. It la a part of the malady.
Ttrw talk of eggs going le H doaan
may or n y not le true, but tt It la
eomebody la going on another Chautau
qua tour rTilladetpMe. Dedgsr.
can colors.
ask. ua what are Hie Mot,
tUack and blue.
Tha B k Walk.
at TU Braf World
Nearly a month, of paably
aasiiar aheuld rUn b.for. the full
iOar f wlwUr aeta to If raadera are
wtae thar w oat all She outdoor aser
Sae a lng that -me that they can.
g sl la a aa bak aaasnsa the
akaMa 4are of i lain a. ag-i net asld.
Aa. Oet sssas. ertafc waa. with
: asst. snssitb sBMM, hreafblBg eWwra,
slaelr Shewaarh tha am a.
Daart walk afar real faglgaae aaka ia.
The f seaattefl are.
will asse beta you to avetd
I " aeeountant. c.l I, an old chap ntgi
on aeventy. took up the coal problem.
Ut SM aay right now I am no great
. MOO In a ul.. . -
, "-. ot i muat sap
iiiavs a little common aenaa, and I told
T? Saay were breaking
r raai probiam. "A
a tea of eoej m Are mtam
alas; 0
fa a tan
Ave mtautaa
f aaal la tan mta.
oi a tou ef eoal In fat'
tsew ion. wen it .
aa a put one tan in teferharf
way, law ma. they egn't de k to lea
Chan era otaatea. alnce that la the lima
at aw page to ntit Ia htm a
my anewor ftv. nstmrtas.
two mtnutaa and IST-U
out by matheaiatloa.
Unfortunately theae saoSlaraS of lluerta
are not movlnaj plcturaa Columbia
Aa there are more than ninety million
peopl to this oovntry, aomeody was
sure to be alighted wnn me itrvua
tlona to tha White Houae wadding wese
aant out.
Chicago undertaker, declined te ae--nuiaodate
the man who aakad to ha
burled alive. Ha ought to have run on
tha Msirphy tleSaet In Now York tha
other day Ohtraao Nawe.
in. nWa.il advtoe from th. Clilcago
Nawa: Wjieu you have saved up enough
raenoy to invest In doubtful mlnmg
gSggfj asiy an ovarooat.
at She Ahruasl oaMed Ma
te Mia fms. But
that waa a hat aaaiar than being
uahar at tSM wadding and trying to
leak pleas eg. Tape ka ntata Journal
A well 'bred aWM never raarovaa Ita
parents tat awMie.
. . t
warm eat people who i
art aa we ara-Omafca
'.i-vT(tit, 1ti:i hr Tilt ! I'uV-fiiinii i'... .The V Vet. KtenHig W14i.
YYm K MY iaV VMiil i
I r r M
Irtbi.ihedL by atyl
z w r-ir'Z Common- Comment -a"' MM
Good night, Charlie beyl
It's time for you to go.
I knew you love to linger,
But you aursly ought to know
That you have stayed the limit now.
Bo "beat it" round She Meek
When father putt tha eat outdoor.
Ana wirata tt eld nail elesk.
latle guya, the 'wha'-do-I-care-for-money'
jobhles, get Juat aa aore aa the
rest of ua when they g-t a crimp put
in their little dollar a day!"
"Sssh!" whispered Mr. Jarr. "Iet a
hear what the boss will say to Dlnk-
klnd-1 gton'a ultimatum."
"Mr. rilnkston." came the boss's voice
through the partition. "I am very aor-
ry you view the matter In this nsht"
"It was an Infernal liberty, elr, and
I won't stand for It! To do such a
thing w-lthmit at first apprising me!"
Mr. Dinl'.ston wag heard to say "My
alary must he restored a. It was. air,
and at once'"
"But It can't be done this week, M
IHnketnn." pleaded the boas. "It will
upsat everything In the new card In
dex system wmlch you enggested. Kvery
thing will net tangled up."
I never thought of that," Dinkstor.
ii a heard to ay. "Iet It go this week.
then. Hut remember It Ml'ST bt
straightened out next week or I shall
resign !"
What Wee the matter, DUvk?" gfr
Iri',ask.l In low tones ao aa not to
be heard by the boaa aa tha efrlclency
engineer emerged from the private of
flca. "DM they dook you without aav -
Ing anything albout It to you?"
"I wish they had," aald Iff, TMnewton.
"Hut giiee. what they had the elfront
ery to do: They raited my aalary SM a
week wlihout naylng a word to me. Tt
was an outrageous thing to do!"
"Wha"' gaaped Mr. Jarr.
"Ye." continued the Imperturbable
Dlnkaton. "I think I shall resign and
get rid of auch Intolerable condition.
The first thins; you know my health
will break down. Why, look here, my
friend. It Is all I can do now to spend
the money I receive. Do they wlah me
to become dissipated'.' Or, what It
worae, do they wlah me to become re
spectable? Am I to wear a silk hat and
a frock coat and have a watch and
ftiatn attache! to me? Perish the
"I hope It Isn't as bad as that!"
nrked fMr Jarr.
"It ms pause, let me turn and flee
from gross convention's dendenlng thrall
before tt Is all loo late:" cried Mr
Mr. Jarr took hie hat am! walked out
with the efficiency engineer Dlnkston
had the twenty-dollar bin changed to
email notes and than thrust them Into
the first mall bos he eame lo.
Won't that bs a )oke on the mall
oarrlsr?" hs asked "I'd like to see how
foolish he'll look when he opens the
bos. Ao for me, I fael thr call of the
wild. I shall retire from 'biiolneea en
gtn.srtng and open an atelier to Instruct
all comers In the art of mlmeography
or the sotence of sign language. There's
too much respiration wasted In conver
very room, coi she was In,
eemed warm from MoOr to ee!
Vtr she looked full ea p agin
Ba the apple she was pectin.
rwaa kin' o' lung lorn- oma to Ic
n sech a blessed cretur,
, dogmas bluabln' to . nrooi-
Aln': modes".1 r n o sv
He was jix foot o' man, a I,
t'lear grit an' human natur'.
N'one .'OUtdn't QQlekSf pitch a t
N'Sr dror a furrer aira k iti :
le'd sparked It
He'd sjuired
fltst this one. an' then thet,
All Is, he couldn't love 'en
ith full twenty gal-,
m, danced tin, diuv
by spells-
Hut long o' her. his veins uuld run
Al crinklv like curled maple.
The aide she brsihsd fell fill o' gun
Kx a south alops in Ap'l.
She thought no v'lce had scli a swing
Bs hln In the choir;
My! when he made die Hundred" ring,
She knowed the Lord was Higher.
n' .he'd blurh s arl t, right in prayer.
When her new inettln'-bunnet
I'elt somehow thru' its crown a pair
()' blue eyes sot upon It.
Thai night) I tell ye. she looked some!
She seemed to've gut a new soul.
For she felt aartln-siire he'd come
Oovn to her very shoe-sole.
fhe hevred a (out, .in' knowed It, tu,
A-rarpln' on the scraper
All ways to once her feelln'. flew
Like sparks In burnt-up paper.
He kin' o' i'iterrd on tho mat,
home doubt'lo of the tekle.
His heart kep' goln' pity-pat.
Ttut hern went pity ZeKle.
"Von want to see my Pa, I s'poset"
"Wal no I come da.ignln' "
' To see my Ma? she's Sprlnkl n' c'.o'es
Agin to-niotret' i'nln'."
To say w hy gals a t so or ao,
dr don't 'ould be preajmln ;
Mtbby to mean yea an' ay no
Cornea nateral to women.
He stood a spell on one foot fust.
Then ftood a pell on t'other.
An' on w-lilch one he felt the wast
He couldn't ha' toid ye nuther.
.i:a he. " I'd better ca'l aglni"
Siva she, "Think Hkely, Mletar:"
Thet last word prloked him like a pto.
An Wal. he up an kist her.
When Ma Wmeby upon 'em siips,
Buldy eot pale ex ashes,
All kin' o' srnlly roun' th Hps
An' teaty roun' the laahaa.
Per she was Jen' the qulst kind
Whose naturs never vary,
lilke Mreamg that keep a summer
Snewbld in Jenooary
The blood elost roun' her heart fet
Too tight for all expre.sln',
Tetl mother aes how matters stood,
An' gin 'em both her bleesln'.
Then her red come back like the tide
Down to the Bay o' Kundy,
An' all I know in they nat orlsd
In meetln' come nex' Slunday.
iTmTjuijnjmnrnnrK-ii- S -i SSsfSXe - - ivivnorwitMl
(The Day's Good Stories
i be
I u to tt
r you rinf to
ud Undir
u IUe It.
HE fotsmtn ftt rsltaaj non. Ire Hon uif .n Into vrnV
eostseii en epaf nmr PIiIIkW1iU SJ J 'Oh, I baw," usserad Jim etrastly. "I wa:
apptntehed ast 1"X aore. br la ItUh- fotnc te pat ar alckel In Ui onlltrttaa pUte,
nun of tlie ssna, m. ! tts .it j.u lor nit IBM aner rou taM to smch tboitt putting nr
iretber Utnnle wlaiet the I'ituseitfii iironicit. to tlie bort awt I nMde no mj mind I'd eats tt
He's lat u t a nitn tt rnetl.T, stel fur ton. nil nesd."
Mtat. 'Ten t nS '"in nere:
1 rM ,0" laastMM ISS lavsaaa, enT mm
ln to-morr.-w ISO rn lag,
"a'beilf I'm I bOOt it. cnntlmHHl the ten.
I'd lolkf to imt in a swr'SS for af olhrr broth
r, MalllW "
'I. lie t Ssia, tone'
Ms Wad," ts"1 ii1""'" sapeaalrety,
Mtlti'til'i .1 l t- r man thin uirsll! tn' Pennlt
put toftllitr.'
"'In Hut east," i'i tlie r.tiian sna t mn,
tfll Mala.bi Is "onie aul vou and Itrnan ciu
look Sa st set loot.
rltl-S atthiy of - tfcntlMftll kftf Paftgasfal mlflllt
lie- M lltrltttHf tn cprtr4n adultj,
HIV id-' 'hiag.i R.viiri Hr'l
The aarni'M. hal ,Tlin't" Ir Hh Kjbjt an1
tin uiiniitrr WUtA lDQIef&( MMMnM Usftfl rtj
)ia ml an1 nitntakfn Unlf, .Njtiuc tliat Jim
sjtttiel 1 tiVfiirl with all hi f. tad ni
if ms kf 1 ts lal m i tu Untr was) ltavi.i2
"I this)! the anu n in tra'.! s)u aonwir"
Where It Happened.
ri am lete iltrmer ptrty t
I J naui ertteil imt te e fine looxxeg feust
soouin who wti wterlng a gown etdoh da
vit-vnl liar beiaittfiil ermt.
I cams ntir not being here to-night," tald
Mir. -l aa reorinatod . few dart .
n: ni iiii.IiIi..! i uMtam
Tim mug ferskrasr sued tt (be wMSt ana
of the eptabtr. "It that eat" he
"Whrie eie jon ncelnatadf"
Tlie an emlled dramrety ead aald: "la
ton." Nttional Monthly.
night," UK) A
so sad M J
In Suspense.
A SMALL boy cated loss end earaaxUy at e
ftt men who ttood on t earner ebeatl.
min.l.'.ll; helnt the end of a stent of
at i inf. KUutlly th atn Botlcsd th boy ted la.
iv.ll. ray little men. yhtt intrrti yVt"
I'll ate. ilr," Oie hoy M timed "wnen art yos
t lag to ptdl tint t.iothl" Judge.
The EVnmt World wil pay a cash arias af f35 tor stag beat aceoutw af
How I Oct My rtrst Ralss."
The story must be true In every dstaU ami subject to eetmlnnsxlosk It
mttet give the writer's actual experience in ohtalnlng Ms Arat Increase of
what service or series of services was the raise arrat ilsdl r,.
Mrutance caused It) Till th; nor, briefly, staply. osrues, wwhoug eg.
aggeratlons or attempts st tine writing.
Confine your narrative to 2S0 words or Isss prefsfsbly leaa. Ulu .
as Man ns-aalt"
- s

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