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Jhe Eveni r n j W Of Id D a II y M a g a z'i ne. Wednesday," April J 1914 ESTABLIBHHD BT JOHETII PTn.ITJWlt JL Can You Beat It? ESTAm.IBH"HD BT JORKTII rCMTZEIt ShUshed Dally Rxcept fundy br the Press PuMlaMng Companr. No 81 te 41 I'ark Row. New York. H ATpir rt'MTEBR. President. 41 Park How. J. AJfOUl oh aw. Treasurer, ts Psrk Row. JOTBPH PIUTZKR. Jr , Secretary. Psrk Row. mi rnw SloJs( OS. Tat mat wst4t By Maurice Kettcn -as -- -liMhnMWMWE nT Entered at ths Poet-offre ( vw Tork aa gaeonn-Clasa Matter. Subscription Ratss to Th Evening world luff the Vnlteo State and Canada. Daa Taar 11.10 Month 10 tar KnlU nd and tha Continent All countries In tha International Poetal Union. One Tear HI One Month M VOLUME 54 NO. 19,816 MUST IT ALWAYS BE: KEEP OFF? 1 TOO LITTLE green grass and too much hard, beaten dirt la Park CoTjmiieeioner Wanl'a criticism of the citjr'a parki He ia right and it ia a good time of year to cali attention to the defect. "Moat of our parka." be declare, "especially tba downtown onea, are barren waataa. There Ian t a atrip of verdure below Fourteenth atreet aaoapt a email bit in Hud eon Park. We kara obliterated our parka tor erery one except thoee between tha ace of five and night Mother and bablaa need aoma verdant plots." Playgrounda and grmiiaahim arena are fine thinga worthy of all Boonragwment. But they are not parka and can never take the place of parka. Dirt ahould never be allowed to encroach on green graaa ' merely becauae the former necda lean care. And apeaking of green gnu, isn't it about time for thia city to , find out from expert advice and experiment whether it can ever hope to have in its parks solid, substantial turf that will bear honeat wear from pavement-blistered feet and weary barks? Could a force of Scotch gardeners lay a foundation for tough park lawna that would become more durable with every decade ? Or doea the climate of Now York forever rule out the hardy aod of Britain ? Our present pitiful, half-hearted method of oeratehing the ground erery year or two, sowing graaa aeed for the sparrows to peek at and then shooing off the public from the forlorn result, lead nowhere at all. Can we never hare green graaa in the parka that will say "Come On" rather than "Keep Off"? Tba man wbo trlea to nit between two atoole te always aura It oaa be dona until he hlta the floor. Aak the Oovernor. CAN WE UNDO THE MISCHIEF? FVJF'JHE oollege girl ia inaccurate," says the adviser to woman at I Cornell University. "About one in one hundred knows . how to report accurately what she baa observed." Harvard graduates fail to get down to business. Harvard under graduates can't write a correct letter. Collage men generally are duffers at putting idea in plain English. Now York achool teachers break all rules of grammar when they take pen in hand to demand Mseir pay. New York high school students fall down fifty-six ways on tha spelling of "isosceles." Every twenty-four hours brings some flank evidence of the handicap of schooling. Why doesn't somebody write a manual on: "How to Succeed Though Educated? , Six thousand Are hundred tons of bad food were destroyed ia aata city last year. Mown Item. And now many thousand tone of good food were waatod to Uekle the palate of habitual over-eater who didn't need It? -- MORE MILLIONS FOR THE BRIDGES. A HUNDRED MILLION DOLLARS' worth of bridges across the East River the oldest opened only thirty yeara, the latest barely finished and already we must tinker up the lot to bear tba heavier burdens we mean to put upon them! Bridge Commissioner Kracke figures it will coat $19,000,000 to atrangthen the bridge for subway trains. That the Williamsburg Bridge may carry the ten-car trains to be operated over the Centre afreet loop $1,000,000 is being spent on its main trusses; $2,400,000 are needed at the outset to fit the Queensboro Bridge for subway traffic from the B. R. T. Broadway line and for the eevatl traina ofthe Interboro from the Second avenue line to Astoria and Flush ing: $1,000,000 extra must be laid out on Manhattan Bridge to make it ready for traina from the Loop subway. And when these three bridges are ready to take their full share of the load, millions more mvast be spent to double deck the Brooklyn Bridge a job that will take from four to eight years. The city has never yet got its money's worth out of the newer bridges. A few years ago three-cent trolley lines with cross-borough extensions used to be urged as a means of giving tha public greater benefits from these costly structures. Aheady such plans seem paltry. Ten-oar trains and yet vaster visions of transit convenience are necessary to call attention to the bridges The only way to interest New Yorkers in whnt they have bnilt end paid for is to show them how to spend still more on it. The man who thinks there are any more fools than usual to-day la only more self-conscious. HOW PALE You LOOK I 1 1 Where are Your. V II "X AKD TOOR EYEBROWS Ane QoNe JJ V arnajnav I foolcd Km Boss HE GAVE rtE A DAY OFF. I LL TELL YOU IN THE NEXT PICTURE HOW IDlIUT Your, lips are So White am) ) innvT usually 5o R.ED j 9 w GrO HOMe ArfOlAKE CtOOD CAW OF Vou Ro E s? TOO MUST HAVE LA (TRIPPE ' IT '6 EASY Tb Foo L. A HAM - I OlONT PAINT THIS nOMlUCt DEARIE 13 Thei Don't know WHEH THVf sec TlirtrT ?T Jr J J ) Little Causes A Of Big Wars 67- By Albert Payson Terhunc eesWWMtTOPaWaprotBaii Oxnleht. 1I4 br Tb I'm Ihibltahiiw ( inn Nnw Tort tnalu WorMI A Joke Thai Led to a War of Invation and a King' Death. ILLIAM THE CONQUEROR lay sick at Rouen. Philip. King of France, made a rather poor Joke about htm. A a result a bloody war followed a war that ended In the "Coaqueror'a" strange death. Here la the story: William, as Duke of Normandy, bad crossed the Channel with a mall clad army, had thrashed the Saxons at Hastings In the autumn of IMS, and bad made himself King of England. He had spent the next few yeara In stamping out English revolts bere and there, and then baa turned his attention to waging war on certain barons In Normandy. After which William found himself entaiiKled in a very lively war with his own rebellious son Robert, whose mother took her sun's psrt. Altogether William was having a busy life. Fate and In enemies gave him little tlma to enjoy his new kingship of KnRtand In peace. In spite of , bin being constantly fretted by martial cares, he managed to eat enough for i two or thrnn ordinary men. And an a reault when he began to get along la yeara he alao began to grow very fat. ifMwowwMxso . Indeed, hln once muscular nrure became enormous A Fat Man's i and unwieldy. Ho stout did he grow that people began Revenge. - laugh. Hut never in his presence. It waa seldom sate tmmmmmm . to laugh at William. And ha wan horribly sensitive about bis Increasing Meati. Then while he was on a raiding expedition In Normandy In 10ST wor 1 came that the King of France laid claim to the district of m. a strip of "debatable ground" that lay on the French-Norman frontier. William wun In his sixtieth year. He was tired of conflict. Also hn was sick from over-cating. It seemed easier to arrange this boundary dispute by 1 diplomacy than to go to wur with so powerful a foe as Fhlllp of France. Ho 1 from his sick-bed at itouen he opened negotiations with King l'hillp. All went well, and the affair promised to reuch n peaceful settlement. Then It was that Philip tried his hand at humor. To a group of cour ; tiers and In the presence of King William's ambassador he aald: "My royal neighbor, William, hns grown so fat that it tests the en durance of one's legs to walk around him." Not a wildly funny Joke, but one t with far-reaching effects. The English ambassador repeated the Joke to William at Rouen. Will lam sprang out of bed, yelling for his uimor, and sent twenty onairlcra scurrying In every direction to assemble his army. He went into a crazy rage that made him forget his Illness. The peace negotiations were broken off then and there. William, at the hend of a hastily collected army, Invaded the Vexln dis trict, conquering-. slatiKhterlnx. burning. He outKeneralled the French lead ers and defeated their armies. Me laid waste the whole surrounding country. The city of Mantes held out against him. William stormed Mantes and. according to his custom, destroyed It by tire. The next day as he rode In Seres triumph through the smoking ruins his horse stepped orf a smoulder- Ii;k ember. The horse, stum; by the pnln In Its unshod hoof, plunged violently forward. William was thrown against the high saddle pommel. From the effects of this ter rific Impact he never recovered. The blow caused In ternal Injuries from which six weeks later he died. Thus, perhaps, were avenged some of the many thousand people whose homes and cities he had from time to time burned to the ground. A Strange Accident. April tool's Day And Its Origin j jaLcttcrs From the People - VIm II. III. . . ''J School Kir Drill. T Bauer of la Swata wu . t read with intereit your views on are drills as a guard against loss of lite during Are. I would like to cull attention to the fact that I have been Informed of one public school where there haa been no Ore drill for about tkree months st least. My children (I have three) have gone to that aebool during that time and aay they have never bad fire drill. I was lin ear the Impmenlon that fir drill was oonapuisorv onos a month. P. A. Toe our SdlMr of Tb CkbIb WotM I would like to know If parei.ts anions your readera conatder a girl of sJctenn too old to be spanked bv her mother when she disobeys. Our eldest daughter Is a little ovsr sixteen and sometimes when she Is vary unruly I luieier a souno spanking Her however, objects to ber being vuis manner, no aaya be spanked and that way as aether, however. ! Insist In thU nSjeUoe oldto oaa ether punish her when she disobeys I wish readers would give me their op'nions aSSt "'. " 1 wouM HC & know whether I am right or wrong. MUK U The I rurlk f the Pole. To th Ldllor of Tb gDU Wort : Hi-plying to "O. H. K" of "What la the length of a broken pole, if the distance from the butt of the pole to the tip, where it touches the ground In 14 feet r' If we apply the formula to tlnd the diagonal of a square, one side being given aa the diagonal of a square Is the hypothenuse of a rtrrht triangle, whoae legn are the sides' of the square. I-t D'-H" H'-2H,n-the square root of IB'-S. The square root of I -1.4I-24DSI.I4. To And the other nlde, we subtract the square of the known side from the squam of the hypothenuse. and extract the root of the remainder, hence tbn rule. Lt X the unknown nlde. X the square root Of H" H"S8 84 1 1 1 45 1466 24' the square root of iS8.14tt-2t.Ss 24 4T.SI, wttfeh la the total length of the Pols. R. IUZZO BnaTw Pas . L, X. T. YE8. thin Is April Fool's Day, the aacred occasion when a few pests drag forth from storage all tb dreary old wbeeaae about "calling up the aquarium and ask Ins for Mr. Fish," or donating candy that la iinhnlilftPail llh nnlln. vnjul or red pepper, and In similar merry waya nil up overtime work for tba foolklllar. Does anybody suppose April Fool Jokes are American In their origin? Wl, they aren't. They were played In Europe before America was dis covered. Yes, and they were played In the Orient when Kurope was still u wilderness. The firm peopis to observe a "fes tival of fools" were the Hindus, among whom the Feast of Hull (cor responding to "All Fools' Day" of the Occident) has been celebrated from lime Immemorial. Handing Innocenta on absurd and Impossible errands Is the ravotitn diversion of the practi cal Jokers of India, and It has alnce been adopted In America and Eu rope. Ancient Home bad a feast of fools called Fosta rltultoruin, but this was observed In February. Scores of theories have iwen advanced re garding the origin of the April Fool festival which will In. generally cele. hruted to-day throughout the world Hermans say that the flrat of April was chosen for All Folds' Day be cause "April weather doth make fools of us all." The .Scotch were probably the first modern Kuropeaua to observe generally the dav, and In Scotland a victim of the practical Jokers Is called an "April gowk." the latter word being a synonym for cuckoo. Futile errands were oalled "hunting the gowk." In France and Italy the victim of Orst of April Jokes is called an "April Hub." The news papers of Italy nro much given to hoaxing their readers on the first of April, and many remarkable stories als.ut things that neer happened are puiuiniiim on wim aay, to be dsnled the next. Fate played the greatest of April Fool Jokes on France a little less than a century ago whn on AprU 1 Hismarck waa born Hits From Sharp Wits. A ni.iu of few words also have a minimum of thoughts. -Toledo Some Historic Word Pictures BxmmpU of Omrtftkm Powr by Great Aathort. fl Blade. In't be prejudiced aeralnst the man who wears a wide bi.ud In his eyeglasses or a feather In the band of his hat. The chances are he la more aennlble than be looks. New Or leans States. The man who bottles hi a corker. s wrath Is A man of accomplishments Isn't necessarily a man of dee da. The sinet car conductor Is the great promoter. He Is always saying to poopir, i-ieaae step rorwara. Oeseiei News. I ii digest ion In responeible for a mul titude of family quarrels.- -Macon Telegraph. e Home Idlers make the mistake of thinking the Lord will provide the patches wnan the aaat or their trous- rnnsarav -xotaoo tuaaa. esssssssesssssssiMissiwMMWwwwvwwwwMwwX NO. 21. THE FIGHT WITH A CANNON, by Victor Hugo. cannon waa rushing back and forth on the deck. It went on In Its destructive work. It had already shattered four other guns and made two gapa In the aide of the ship, fortunately above the water line, but where the water would come In In case of heavy weather. The old passenger, having gone down to the gun deck, ntood like a man of ntone at the foot of the steps. He caat a atern glance over the scene of devastation. It seemed Impossible to take a step forward. Suddenly In the midst of thin, unacceanible where the escaped cannon was leaping, a man was seen to appear with an Iron bur In his hand. He waa the author of the catastrophe, the captain of tht gun, guilty of criminal carelessness, the cause of the accident. Having done the mischief he was anxious to repair It. He had nslBSd th Imn bar with one hand, a tiller iou with a alip noose In tho other and Jumped down the hatchway to the gun deck. Then began an awful sight a Tltnnle scene the contest between gun and gunner, the battle of matter and Intelligence, a duel between man and the Inanimate. Home chance rocking of the sea caused the cannon to remain for an Instant motionless. Buddenlv It leaped toward the man The man dode-ed the blow, the battle began. Occasionally It waa the man who attacked the ennnon. He woufo creep along the nlde of the vessel, bar and rope In hand, and th cannon as If sus pecting some snare would flee away. The man, bent on victory, pursued it. Huch things cannot long continue. The cannon seemed to say to itself all of a sudden. "Come now. make an end of It." It made n sudden quick dash at the gunner. The gunner sprang out of tho woy, let It pass by and cried out to It with a laugh, "try It again." The cannon, us If enraged smashed a carronade on the port side, then It wss hurled to the starboard side at the man, who made his escape. Three carronudes (rave way under the blows of the ennnon. Tha man look refuge nt the foot of the atena not far from the -Id man who was looking on. The gunner held his Iron bar In rest. The cannon seemed to notice It and without taking the trouble to turn around, slid back on the man. swift as tho blow of nn axe. The man driven against the side of tbe ship, was lost. The crew cried out with horr Hut the old passenger, till thin moment motionless, darted forth J ' quickly than any of this wildly swift rapidity. He seised a package of counterfeit usHlgnats and st the risk of being crushed succeeded In thrown I l between the wheels of the carronade. The package bad the effect of a clog. The carronsde stumbled- tho gunner taking advantage of thin critical opportunity plunged his bar be tween the spokes of one of the Iron wheel; the cannon stopped. Ho leaned forwsrd. The man using the bar as a lever held It In equilibrium. The he-ivy mass WSS overthrown; the man passed the sllpnoose round the neck of the subdued monster. It was ended: tbe man had conquered. The gunner saluted the passenger. "Sir," he said, "you have saved my lite." The old man hud resumed his passive attitude und mado no reply. The Chevalier de la Vleuville bad drawn up the murine in line on both sides of the mainmast and at tbe sound of the boatswain's whistle the sailors formed in line, standing on the yurds. The Count de lloisberthelot approached 'he paasenger. Behind the captain walked n man haggard and out of breath, ills dress disordered, but still with a look of sstlsfaclion on his face. It was the gunner. The count gave the military salute to the old man in peasant's dress snd said to htm, "Uenerel, there Is the man." The gunner remained standing with downcast eyes The old nun looked at him. "Come forward," he said. The old man turned toward the Count de Bolsherthelot, took off the Iron of St. Iiouls from the captain's coat and fastened it in the gunner's Jacket. "Hurrah." cried the sailors. The marines presented arms And ths old passenger, pointing to the daxr.led gunner, added: "Now have this man shot." Then In the midst of a deathlike stillness the old man raised his voice and said: "Carelessness has compromlaed title vessel. At this very hour It is perhaps lost, To be nt sea Is to be in front of the enemy. A ship making a voyage is an army making' war. The tempest Is concenled but It Is at hand. Death the penalty of any misdemeanor committed In the face of the enemy No fault Is reparable. Courags ahould be rewarded and negli gence punished, i.. t it be done." The man on whose Jacket hung the' shining cross of St. Louis bowed his head. A few moments later a light flashed, a report sounded through ths darkness, thnn all waa still; and tbn sound of a body falling Into tha f waa ueara. Movies a la Mode By Alma Woodward M BA(g(X)B 0013 r ..nrM ttM St Th t'rw V iMil,in '. 'Ttu Its York Ft.nnw World, ANY a coat of rags bldea an honest heart, but no coat of paint aver hid an honest wrinkle. ! "TB - - MWMWW pfOeM Ol'yrlsht. mi, , I'nao I'uliluliiu Co Ilk NtT York RroBliig WurlJ.I Bread! CKNF. 1 (a window).-Discovered, Mrs. H gazing anx iously into street. Calls. Calls again. Beckons Im peratively Beckons mors Imperatively. Cut to: Scone 2 'the street). Discovered, object of beckoning (Willie, age nine). Oases up at window. Iooks Inquir ingly. Indicates inability to hear clearly. Finding he can't bluff Mm, rViltia d'aws nearer. Kicks off toes of Mines against curb jii rouie. Gazes up. 8CKEKN: "Cotre upstairs. I want to send you for something." Willie registers disgust and more an tiputhy to lues of shoes Calls to com panions. HCHEEN ' "I gottp. go for sumptn' ". Cut to: Scene .1 a hall). Mrs. B. wel comes Willie with the usual all-corn, prehenslvn eye. Discovers more things tho matter with his toilet In one hasty glance than ordinary person could with microscope. I'ulls at his tie, his cup, his belt and rolls eyes at shoes. Registers censure and dismay nt high cost of living. Produces handbag. Kxtracts nickel. HCHEEN: "Uo get u flve-cont loaf of bread at Klkem's." Wllllo registers reluctance, almost re bellion. Mrs. B. threutens dire thing. Willie exits. Cut to: Scene 4 (stairway). Discovered Willie counting up to one thousand on each step. New game. Appears Nemesis. Calls. SCREEN: "And hurry us fast as you can, Willie, be cause. Delia Is waiting to stuff the chicken with it. And It ought to be In the oven now!" Wllllo decides to count only to five hundred on euch step. Cut to: Scene 5 (sume as scene I). Trio of satellites awaits our hero. All hanp on his neck. He displays nickel. Registers antipathy to errand. They volunteer escort. Hunch moves slowly up street. In progress of forty feet nickel is dropped seven times. Cut to: Scene 6 (the bakery). Onslaught of small boy In bulk rattles clerk Cookie pan watched. Our crowd registers heartsick appreciation of white Icing and doughnuts. Willie demands: SCREEN: "One loaf u san'tury bread with paper 'round It." Nickel handed over. Ensemble work inexcitlng. Cut to: Hcene 7 (street). Headed In right direction, all seems plain sailing. Appears Heinle, classmate. who ,ii n money delivering for butcher. Heinle bears basket containing big gest turkey ever grown. Calls at tention to It. Turkey poked with admiring lingers. Heinle makes sug gestion. St'HEEN: "Come on. fel lers, help me d'liver it. Home fresh guv might cop It oiT'n me. Cut to I Scene S (street). -Escorted turkey comes to grief. Warring faction gets In fine work from behind. Turkey makes scqunlntnnce of sidewalk also Sanitary loaf. Short, hot skir mish, ending In ftoUll'y for lurkey brigade. Heinle re-ensconces bird In basket. Our hero resumes tattered and decidedly unsanitary loaf. Reg isters call of conscience. Communi cates call to satellites. Start on dead run for home plate. Cut to: Scene 8 (same us scene 1). Dln COVSrsd Mrs. B. Business of "Where A young girl fancies that in order to be fascinating she must con tinually sparkle and scintillate, but a widow knows that after a hard day's work any man prefers a lullaby to fireworks. It's a wise girl who prefers losing an argument to losing a sweetheart. Any woman can get ulong without a husband nowadays; It's getting along WITH one that Is the real test of character. The reason a man so often proposes marriage to a fool Is because he can't think of any other way to pass tbe time while In ber company. A man's iuV ui a "tjuupetent wife" is one who can serve a pate de (ait gras menu on a chipped beef income, fry a cold storage fowl Into a bird of Paradise and transform an old market basket into a new nprlng bat Somehow his father's inability to boss bis mother never dlsoouragne a young man's fond hopes that he will twist the girl he marries around his little finger; it merely inspires him to try. The easiest way to moke a small boy take medicine la to forbid him to touch It. and tbe most effective way to make a man talk love la to forbid blm to speak of it. The May Manton Fashions Pattern No. 8231 Fsncy Blouse, 34 to 42 Bust. SOFT, full waists are tha prevail ing onea of ths neaaon. This one la charming made of the figured net and bro caded allk illustrated, but It also oan bs util ised for crepe de chine, for tha pretty cotton voiles and marquis ettes and for all the materials that are thin and .soft enough te be made full. For tab trimrilng, a contrast ing fabric will be need ed, but contrast can be found in plain color aa well aa In brocade and the like. Thia blouso I adapted to the occasions of dreis. For the medium alt the blouse will rnnt .i yuiua in material J'4 yards It or inches wide, with yard 27 inches wide for trimming. Pattern No. 8231 cut In nixes from to 42 Inches measure. . j: 44 is 84 bust Tseee Pact' Call at THE nVBNINQ WORLD HAT MANTON FASUIION BUREAU. Donald Building, lie Want Thlrty-aseoad street (oppa ate aitnbei tiros.), oorner otxtb avenue sod Thirty-second street. New VMS, or sent by mall on receipt ol ten ceo is la oala r tempo for SSSS pattern o-deroil. lalfOHTANT-WHtS rour address plainly and alwaja apeatfy ie wanted. Add two cent for letter potag if ta a hurry. patho. Suddenly registers I waiting." Our hero present loaf on sans grim satisfaction at sight of ad vancing company. Cut to: Seen 10 (door of apartment). Discovered Mrs, B. "watching and Which laat roan nf nmnsai k . - -, asanas ilUUl - ing. (What reaultad must be hnara to be appreciated!) i jBs My Wandering Soy To-Night T- J