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The evening world. [volume] (New York, N.Y.) 1887-1931, February 17, 1922, Final Edition, Image 29

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IT"
THE EVEHIITO WORLD, TEIDAY, FEBBTJA'RY 17,- 192.2.
i Who Is the Happiest
Ex -Congressmen
What Are We Gonna Do With 'Em
After We Get 'Em?
v
il
n
!h
ih!
'it
i
n
'it
i
WOMAN
In N. Y. City
?
?
' . a Pair
"She's the Girl from 'Back Home
Says Mrs. Edith Ellis Furness
"With the Bird's-Eye View of Life"
New York Is Her Fairyland The City of Dreams and
Wonders She Has Always Longed For
By Fay Stevenson.
Copyright, 1822, (Nw YorU Evening World) by Prcn Publlihlne Co.
WHY do to many New York women wear the smile of satlsfactlonf
Why do wo sco bo many of thorn' 'hurrying and Bourrylng; about
alone but always with that quiet contentment, Ua expression of
"I havo everything I desire in life."
Go Into the shops and you will see hundreds of
well groomed -women shopping by themselves; go to a
matinee, a lecture, a concort and again you will see
this solitary -woman, usunlly clad In a tailored suit,
wearing a dressy little blouse, a bit of fur about her
neck and a smart hat placed at exactly tho right anglo
upon her -well colffurcd head.
Tcs, she Is usually alone and quite content to be.
Probably if tho truth -were known she is a girl from
Ualn Btreet back homo who has married, lives in an
uptown apartment ' and mado herself a sophisticated
New Yorker.
Cut what Is sho getting out of life? Why does she
always seem so contented, so .-"nil ,polsed and so sclf-satlsflod?
"Because the
ii, the little wife who Is brought to
New York from up-State or some
Gopher Prairie of tho Weit has
laarrrtd the art of viewing life from
the, outside," said Mrs. Edith Bills
Kurness, tho dramatist and writer, at
her apartment. No. 250 West 94th
Stroet, when I asked her about this
woman wo seo so much everywhere.
"I seo this solitary, well groomed,
happy looking, all-contented woman
very time 1 go anywhere," admitted
Mrs. Furness, or Edith Ellis, as she
prefers to bo called. "And I am con
vinced sho Is one of the happiest
women In this city.
"She is the woman who can
take a bird's-eye view of things
and ikim all the cream of every
thing from life without actually
getting involved in anything."
"And you &uy she is tho hupplert
woman In the city?" I asked.
"She is simply floating on air,"
laughed Edith Ellis. "New York n
her fairyland, the city of dreams
and wonders she has always
longed for.
"Sho doesn't want to tako an active
pari In thlnsa; sho doesn't want to
liccomo a woman politician or a mcm
if r of a woman's club, yho wants t.)
ho on tho outside rather than tho in
side. To begin with, she couldn't
probably afford to belong to a club in
to "go In for anything" seriously, but
she has money to travel about the
city and to take her blrd's-eyo view
of all life. And she revels In her
privileges!
"No wonder she wears a : calm,
sophisticated, all-contented mail net,"
continued Edith Ellis. "Since alio !m
viewing Ufa from the outside and
docs not belong to uny clubs or asso
ciations, sho bus no cares, no serious
worries. Sho reads her morning
paper thoroughly. Including news,
scandale, editorials and tho society
columns. Kho knows her New Yoik
from the liattcry to the Bronx. Kho
attends lectures, concerts and the mat
inee. Sho taken a little fiom each and
In content."
"Do you think this skimming of tho
cream of thing?, this ability to view
life from tho outside, accounts for that
contented, sophisticated expression
this well-groomed woman wears?" I
asked.
"What Ib happiness?" countered this
playwright. "Isn't It Just a tasting nt
life? People who get Into things too
seriously or too deeply take tliu can s
and worries of life upon their shoul
ders. Tho club woman worries over
the woman's bills sho lf trying to in
troduce; she wonders if she will be re
elected President or Chairman r
whatever sho wishes to be. Tho so
cial worker carries the burden of the
whole city In her brain. But thla soil
l.irv wnm.-in who neera nt life from
tho outside, who Is neither u scientist.
a biologist, a social workor, a club
woman or a politician, views every
thing, sees every thing and hcais
everything. She Is as happy and as
care-froo as tho bird who circles tho
sky.
"Of courso sho Is happy to remain
upon tho outside," pointed out Miss
Kills. "Children aro happy becauso
thfv'vlmv life from the outsldo rather
than becoming Involved. Not that I
wish to stato that this woman has a
child's mind, for, on tho contrary, sho
i decidedly broad and understands ull
sides or a question. Hut sho Is un
conscious of her -own ego, Just as tho
child Is unconscious of the part he is
playing, and that is why she is care
free and happy.
"New York City is full of theso
women who aro getting a bird's-eyo
view of life," concluded Kdlth Kills.
"And probably nowhere on earth will
you meet such cultured, well road,
broad minded women. Theso women
arc not forcing themselves to play a
ioIc. They uro what they arc. They
think their own thoughts nnd form
their own opinions of life. They aio
not 'lead' or 'forced.' They havo
learned tho art of listening and le
ceivlng. Thoy liavu learned to llvo
within themselves and to sco llfo from
u very Interesting point of vantage
ground." So when you sco her this solitary,
well groomed woman, listening to a
lecture, enjoying a conceit or perhaps
browsing about tho Isew York shops-
put her down as the woman who lookH
at life from a blrd's-eyo point Of view
and who gets all there is out of New
York llf.
ttt
average New York woivb
is
The Jarr
Family
X,
X.
By Roy L. McCardell ffi
Copyright, 1022, (Xcw York Evening World)
by Press Publishing Co.
c
iLAHA MUDIUDGE - SMITH
has lwcn here," remarked
Mrs. Jarr to her husband
upon bis return from Sol's smoke,
shop in a state of depression at bav
ins lost consistently at pinochle t.ll
the evenlnji.
"I'm flail I missed her," growled
Mr. Jarr, ungraciously. "She always
talks a lot of 'rusIi "
"W'cllt this time she spoke very
.sensibly Indeed," said Mrs. Jarr. "I
need a whole lot of things. I haven't
.in evening dress fit to wear and I
need a new hat and shoes and ccry
tlilniT. and Clara bays I should open
a chat-Ro account nt the stoics she
deals at, and sho says she'll be felud
to lntiodu.ee me."
"Nix on the chargo accounts:" ic
pllcd Mr. Jarr. "It's all I can do to
pay cash or meet our weekly bills."
"I don't see why you nay that,"
ontured Mrs. Jarr, "times don't
seem to bo any harder."
"They don't seem to bo any harder
because we've gotten used to them,"
Kiumbled Mr. Jarr. "Hut It's bad
business to run into debt tlicso days."
"Well. Clara Mudiidgc Smlth's hus
band, old man Smith, who Is a most
successful business man, has different
ideas." said Mrs. Jarr. "When Clara
MudildBe-Smith bought her new full
length mink coat and then told her
husband she ought to have a new
automobile to ko with It. he said it
was u splendid idea, and that he
would Ret licr a pearl necklace, too."
"Yes," Mrs. Jarr went on, "Clara
MudridKo-Smlth says that her hus
band says that tho pcoplo who try to
llvo within their means will always bo
poor. They never ask for credit, and
so they never have any. Anybody
can buy when they havo tho money,
but only the people who llvo extrava
gantly can get things on credit when
they ask for It."
"Hut I'd lather havo the cash and
lot l tie credit f, as Omar Bays," re
plied Mr. Jarr. "It's all well encash
for old man Smith to talk that wa,
heoausi' lie has already got ciedit
everywhere. I envy him."
' He says ho envies you," eald Mrs.
Jarr. "Vim can go bowling or. play
pinochlo with poor but Interesting
men, ho says, wiiilo ho has to fro-
'Hnt stupid clubs, whero dull, pros-
I'crous men bore him and themselves
to death.
"There s nothing to prevent him
experiencing the simple pleasures of
the poor," said Mr. Jarr. "I'll tako
him to Sol's smoko shop to play
pinochle, or ho can Join our bowling
rlub nr experience thu literary friend-
ship of the interesting Michael An-
gclo Dinkston."
"Oh, he knows that," replied Mrs.
Jarr. "but ho says if ho did that
pcopm wouui tninK no was cconomlz-
ing, and his creditors would get nftor
hlm under the Impression that he
hadn't the money to puy them."
tf w His Of K3f J KKiDf h" iCMSlffflj;
i
First Typesetting
Machine
Tin;
ir
111! first tyiiosettlng machine was
nvented by Timothy Alden,
who wau born In Uarnstablc,
Mass., nincty-nino years ago. In his
boyhood Timothy was apprenticed to
a printer. He was a born Inventor,
und almost from his Itrst day in tho
printing office began to think of plans
for Improving the various processes
connected with the typographical art.
Ilo Invented several machines con
nected with printing before ho turned
his attention to the mechanical setting
of tyim.
After several years of study he pro-
dured his first model of a typesetting
machine In 1816. Thin mnehlnn con.
slsted of a horizontal rotating wheel
with type cells on Its circumference
BmSSB
Can YOU
I Don't see Whv n
LEFT AR-n
SHOULD
OPTIMIST
. '
te'Kjim-;KfCK"tfCSKHHfc
) I broke a
So You 1 CERTAINLY
r that I 1 1 1 y-J ' uL.'tv.u
(LUCKyicA VMS, KIND
1 fM
1 rr r
iAV A
- LY7 . i . V
n mi f-.
Fighting Families
By Sophie Irene Loeb
up Might, 102J, (New York i:pnliig World) ly Prism I'ubiutuiiu -
YOUNG man signing "Wor
ried to Death" writes a long
letter. In which lie tells tho
troubles of a life
time and In which
lie calls himself
"the family goat."
According .to his
statements, ho Ins
Iiem t''0 mainstay
of the family, but
now claims ho nas
tieen given tho
"euld shoulder"
and In
of need
Ills tlmo
finds luh
Inmlly very
"u-
U,,g. hiilk-xi. sympotnctio.
From all I can gather, U has been
very much of a fighting family, and
doubtless this young man says to
himself. In the words of a wise nhll
osophcr:
"Your relations aro thrust upon
you, but thank Cod you can choose
your friends."
And there is the big sum anj sub-
stance of it all. Families do not treat
each other as friends when they aro
keeping up u continual quarrel, und
tho chief fault lies in the fact that
meuiuers or. lamuien get iu nose io
each other.
While blood Is thicker than water,
yet it often gets no thick that It clogs
tho smooth running of the ied cor
puscles that make Hie move along
safe and sccute.
Tho important thing is to eultlvato
the charity that begim. at home. Most
of tho tlmo It is the very last place
It goes. T hive known pcoplo that
were considered perfect angels by
their friends, but were veritable devils
nt home.
Their kind sW'- was only shown on
tho outside. Tlicy would lend money
and do all sorts of good acts for ac-
maklng receivers rotate with It to pick
out tho typo at the proper places.
Tho appliance was ingenious, but It
effected no Improvement over hand
composition.
Timothy Alden died In Doston In
18!iS. nnd his brother Henry Inter
made soveral Improvements In the
machine. Timothy Alden's machine
had tho merit ol setting others to
thinking about the same problem,
with bi renult that hand romnrml.
tlon is rapidly, becoming a thing of
the
A
Beat It ! '
LEFT
( IF IT HAD BEEN
falfc RlGHTAPlH
you couLDN T
WORK. AAIN
I I C AV vm i Arvr
quaintanccs, nnd would iinai-i.ibh
deny the same kind of treatment t"
their own flcoh and blood.
Their demeanor nnd their actions
towaul even strangers was miir-h
moro gracious than they showed to
the .members of tho family. An I .ill
of this was duo to the common Huei-v
that yrrur family will fnrglM .m
thing.
Tliev may forgive, but i t -t 1 1
they don't forget. 1'enple. i" 'in
human and a relationship Hni In.'
110 remt-rt for o.ieh nlhtr l.miml
to breed tho same contempt m it 1
engendered by too much fim l.n.l'
A man who will light with ins I mi
ily will fight with his 1-ki fmn.l,
when he gets n little closer t ih.it
friend.
I wonder how many people have
.stopped to sco themselves .11 tVy
really nro In their own home, for
there Is whom tho real stuff of whfeh
you arc mado Is truthfully demon
strated. If j on are Intolorant an I mean .in.l
ugly with your own people, and show
only your smiles and "sweet side" P
these that do not belonif to von "U
can surely make up your mind there
is something lacking in you. Kr
your i ciatlons can't be wrong all t ti
time.
And when you give them Tie ' eno
(It of the doubt you an 1 in-r ..mm -thing
for yourself uiaknu Mnn ulf
a. little lugger. And tveiy t'-.e oii
bend a little, oven when ou think
yon are right, you are budding i
finer character. You an- inikin
yourself better. You an .in
strength Instead of wenkne
It is easy enough to ipi.unl ami
light and show luj ttrupn. t it
takes leal backbone te -lull for
something, to sacrifice, md to tie
silent when It Is nocrssan
There Is no need of flgMlnir fun
nies. It takes two to mik" quir
rel. and If onlv one grts nnd nt a
time very little damage ecu ! done
Truly life in short, and ur (lis
help flhoqld eomo to a rn -ri t i of
your family when he nreds it. ivui
though you don't like him V i '-ill
show something of the nv ML- if
which you are inide v,lu jmj H- !
st ind by your own.
Tho person who constantly praif
of peace needs Drat of a'l to kee-i
his own house In order instead of
constantly ilncl.irin.7 m.ut.i! 'ay.
Sr By Maurice Ketten
Ves.) ' V6uARE, )
So6u ARE'
1 CJHE OF IHQSE
( U M eVTC I
LUCKY-! )
AH J
LEFT
HAKDED
2 17-22-
JK(SKg!HiJ(lg5l'KB MOOWKH Cf
ii i 111
I The Heart of a Girl
jf By Caroline Crawford
-0.S"M. IW. IV- V"K r mini! Ucrlill liy l'to Cui'ii hno. i:"
Which Man Will I'epO'J Choose for a Husband?
TOWN LEY
rtUNDAY uflernoon, at a llltlo aftei
3, I'eggy curled up ill a comer
of the divan in the living room
with a bland new novel Slie had
barely luni'd the
llrst page when u
lll ., .1 I m o 11 t
,,ien ing 1 ing at
the l.ell 1. Id iir
1 li.it Tnunliv hnil
arrived Mlhonidi
.irrnco. ,1111111111,11
lie was nut ex.
I'lftod until evening Iheie w- no one
l e on earth who could iiim ,1 hell
la.-.t that way.
Casting a haslj glaiu-e at herself in
the mirror over tho card-table, I'eggy
linriled into thci hall and opened the
door. There stood Harrison Townley,
tall, scdnlo, a trlflo portlier than when
lie left town, beaming with huppim-nn
und Jo) .
"Oh!" gasped I'eggy.
"Oh!" echoed Townley and 1. night
br in hln aims and kissed hi 1
I'fggy wincid a iittb- ut ims but
she led tit tit Into the llvuiK loom and
placed his coat, hat and stir! upon
a chulr.
"Well, well, well," said Townley,
"hero I an back from Kurope and
here with you. I'eggy, you linl i.u;
ciii, ell ine all about yourself
"Tell mo nil about yourself." re
.'.i.ridod I'csgy us shu 111 led up on
the dlVun ilgUill Ullil looked hall woll-
diunsr ut this mini b n je.ns her
senior who had come to hi-ur
whether sho would whisper "Vc," or
tell him sho could never marry linn.
"All right. I'll dufh tt irr ju-i like
this To begin with my Mc.imer
1I1 ,'keil at noon. I rushed Ui In u hu
ll I, dined, groomed UP a hit .md hen
I am."
'1 expected you this vcntn.. '
"Ori-ut itima, I'egt-v, ou In t
think 1 was going to sit around ill et
ternoon In n hotel nnd watt 1111H evi -mug.
did 'you? Well, If you aid ;,uu
don't know how much I hnvi ihouin
) Sure! you ought
To BE OKE6uRS,etF
6u MIGHT
II II ltvl V IN
' ii P I -. I -r-
?uuk. tMtqn i
ARM
!U.u;0''t'! iCtfit" ;;' !tlt t"5s .WTttHNDrj!
ARRIVES.
nl you all Hie
wa ou i We hud a
rough, beastly tilp of U, but I did nut
euro for winds or galei. I knew that
I was getting back to you."
"Vim make nie out sin h 11 heroine."
laughed I'eggy 111 rvuu-Jy. "Il.11 rtson.
il seems ridiculous In put me on a
pedestal. I am eeii.nn you do not
know what a silly crr.ilure I am."
"Why uttiu'i you wiaiing my laval
liere and my braid, t?" asked Town-
Uv. ignnrln? hci I i..t remirks.
"' havo thetn e.irefnlly lurked 0w.1v
'
111 niy poesei, saio regK, hhhi'ims
her hand Inln one .,f ti.e lnoad H'Hs
ets whlrh alloi'ned hei simple llttn
bliin satin frotk.
"My trunk is 'ull r things 1
brought you from London and I'nren,"
bovlshlv ennfesse.i Townley. "and I
olso havo noniPthns tor your mother
which I think Is un it ippropriate "
feggy hit h-r lips n she tneu i"
smile. "Tell m- tell me about your
trip," alio stunimeied.
"Tho very idei ol talking nUml
that trip whon 1 urn hen- to wv yon
I'eggy, dear, you ih n't si 1111 liapv
to seo mo. Ijon't whv. I'ergv
thotn aro trjars in miiii- c "
Townley nrm iium liH chmr and
nut down tM 1 m n 'he Jivnn
"I Unilerstaiiit hill. Kill." he whis
nered. "vcm dnn'i no lorme l
lest, my love-test oi going to Kumfw-
nidbni m!'"1''' '"'' " 'h"1 ''"
"I tried," si.bbid I as sin- Ind
hr faco in her handkeuhior. "On.
IlarriMiit, I urn uti.i d thut ten yt-.m
U too much bet w. in m "
"It'a'all right, " wluspi nil Tuwuh '
in comfortinK toms His voieo ivn-
husky ontl 'gif lie he felt thn
lliorn ffinn ul.i. .1..I "I lnii-.i li.lliiUVM
lovod you, f't-ggy, but 1 did not wunt
you to become i vif unless ou
m 1 x
1-1
were sure of yo u i.i't has first rights to tho evening paper "funnies." '
Thoy were, ulc-u a lew momontr. ,. .
Thon 1'PKRy ddbu-d her hamlkei chief rho "'u'lerii woman may ba over-asgri'SKlvo. but at leant she no longer
ver her face r.i lust time, and takes a connoUnoiir's prldo In matching her phyalcal disabilities against
tuned in her pockii "or the iitth ! we! , hose ot other (-iinneuta of tho gentle feminine art of being "delicate"
A tactful man Is one who tells his wife that ho never raw her looking bet
better" J!? "" " ,?r just anolU thlrty secon(ls ''roro n'as going to ask him If ho reallj
"Keep thn. . . .' wiut.pei.-t thinks her new hat makes her look old'
Townrey as he ki - d i.i r .i,:htiv ujion After listening to tho simple- girlish cynicism of tho flapper, even a di-
tn cbcok and e .- .. nn; up his cout
and hat hurrh-div '' th .ipartuient
the ipartuient
To-Morrsw An tleenp5td Cellar.
mi ij
District of Columbia Alumni Are Fitted for Any',
Task That Requires Brains, but Not Too Manylf
By Neal R.
Oopjrliht, io::. c.Vb y0rk Renin
T
lin more ex-Congrosmen wo
havo after next olcotlon tho
bettor off Mils country will
be.
Problem Is what to dp with' our
es-sprcaaoagusta alter wo get cm.
A Congressman buys a Prlnco Al
bert suit to aid his country. And
when cyclono- of Australian ballots
n - .
I Why Not Look
Your Best?
m ay voris uosciwr.
Copyright. 1022, (New York Kvcnlng World)
ujr rrsia i UDinnini uo.
DEAR Mils Doschart
I am very much Interested
in your daily column I
am thirty years old, have a baby
. three years old
I and take enre of
a large nrown
up family and
would like you
to help me. I
vveirjh ono hun
dred and seventy-one
pounds
Iand feel so un
happy when I
I try to drati.
Most of my fat
Is in my eheit,
arms and ihoul-
much sweats or sugar and I don't
(jet much walking exerclie. I
would be greatly obliged to you
if you would help me. It there
anything in reducing bnths, nd
how are they done?
MRS. STEVENS.
Your Irjttcr Interests mo very much
because I know It expresses tho prob
lorn thut confronts so many women
who are trying to falthfiillv perform
the liome duties and at the same time
keep themselves nrtivo and graceful
enough to feel nt home In 3ocloty
among tho,e who have moro IMsuio
tn spend on looking their best.
Your 171 pounds is a little handi
cap. II makes you feel conspicuous.
II tnnes awny your fiectlom of move
ment, making you a little awkward,
and It also makes the problem nt your
clothes a serious consideration, tint
since you. nay that yoil aro not Ir-
jidliiatnly fond of sweets 1 urn suio
It will not- b very dllllcuit lor yni
to bring yourself to normal weight.
Iten.emlK't- that the diet has an tm-
pmtant pari to play. There nr many
cifclabh's and UkxU that are not
hw. els or sugars but that contain so
much starch thut they cause yott I.-
4...HI weight rapidly. Try to
Try tO flVOHl
too much while biead. (lluten bread
Mid bran inulllns are less fattenliih
"t to sallsiy your hunger with laxa
tive vegetables and fruits.
UrniemluT that housework whin
properly done offers the mine metwis
us does 11 gymnasium lor oxirelung
every muscle of tho body, and as im
perlorm these tasks try to swing tin
body, try to bend and twist so that
each miif cln shall ha- equal play.
Intelligent adjustment of your work
will allow you ample tlmo for out
door exorcist;, especially as the baby
is three years old. This Is absolutely
necessary It you would keep oui
health and figure. While walking
take deep breathing exercise and try
to walk with us rapid a p.u-o as isis
Hlbln. Tho reducing baths uro usually
given by placing the patient in an
over-heated room until the steam ur
bent causes Mm perspiration to flow
freely. Hut all constitutions will not
stand this treatment, and 1 am sum
that If you loam to oxeiclso you will
not need them.
Tho nrter-balh itilis will prove ery
beneficial to you. In your clibM.-ut
perroiiiiance of your duties as tho
bead of 11 lingo family do not lose
mght ol tho fact that you also uw.
.1,,!,. I vmnuMr In In.iL- vr.lir list
j j
Itemeniber that Ibis will also gt.
mole pleasure In your dear 0111 s, so
do not make a drudge or joii's, If
but leal 11 t" adjust vmir work ho us
to iiavo time to do Hie things ims
saiy to gettum yoin body ill pe.teet
trim
Maxims of a Modern Maid I
By Marguerite
lojjyiliilit, l(i-'". (.Now V"i.. i:mnt Worldi by l'r I'uMUhlnc Co.
I'heri; K .1 type of nun who asks im' compliments a-, naively as a dog
speaks" lor a bone, ,-tiut it's cruvlty to ,i:.im.ib to rettise either.
a FTI-IIt a 1111111 has tint 11 continent,
nvecn himself and the woman who loves lilm, she begins to wonder
whether. after all. she had better not Rive him up?
Sometimes a rnt says "mlnu! mlau!" and sometimes she condoles with
y ixcntiso short skirts nro koiiik out "thoy make you look so girlish, my
(jenr'"
, . , , i-n
Arguins with ti meekly stubborn woman Is like trying to make a rag-dou
bit i'p straight ; you may work till you are worn out. and In the end you
1HVe thu baiuo limii, la. cushiony erf alure with which you b-gan.
Homo is a vastly oerugtlinattd
furnace, banging the player plttiio,
vor(.co rcaltzfs that sho has a few illusions to lose.
v , . .i. ..,1...
lliTVl't. llt'.ci Minn; lu o liiuil .villi
ailvnturua. Ho WILLI
O'Hara
World) by Pre Pub!ihlri Co.
blowB hlra homo, country should do"'
something for Us ex-Congressman;!
After living two roara on thrfa.
heads of the land, Is It falr.thaf '
txingrossor should starvoT Echo
answers Indistinct reply. But 'jus
tlco hollers "No!"
Something should bo done (or ax
Congrcssera to keep 'cm ott Chau
tauqua, circuits. After two years of'
franking mall, tho gum on a postago
stamp Is liko poison to ex-Rep.
After two years of sending !out
seeds, Is It fair for Congressman tt
harvest but rasxberrlos? From'red
herring zono off coast of Malno to
pink nightie colony In California
there cornea a ringing answer,
"o!" Government crutchos 1 for
lamo ducks! Downy mattresses for
retired statesmen!
After twin years' seasoning In
District of Columbia, any set of
brains should itch for hofty work.
Not rowdy toll for proletariat paws,
but work that needs vision, discern
ment, depth. Something llko de
signing new animal crackers for
juvenile trado. Something like ex
tracting tho rattle from skoleton
keys. Somcthtng that only master
minds, nftor wrestling with state
craft, havo tho nerve and power to
attack and solve. -
Thousands of fat probloms are
limping around for want of solu
tion. Docs chop suey smell as sweet
under Its maiden name? Is puffed
rice shot nt a target or at random?
Whnt do the Chinamen really wItc
on thoso laundry chocks? Only.ex
Oongrcssers could grapple with
fleshy conundrums llko 'these.
Tho world needs light. All ijhnt
tho Congressmen glvo It Is gas. And
therein lies rx-Congrossman's op
portunity. Tho world wants light,
wlnos and beers. Congress can. give
us thn wine and beer. Let tho D! C.
nluninl glvo us tho light!
r
,
"ow can a guy that s opening
oysters tell which Is tho upper half
, SM(Jj t0 takc ott7 AVhy'rio
. . i',.
J1'"''1 nn.rn 1 nil wwu ib
and Is the S.18 A. M. or P. M.7 Why
do basketball players insist on call
ing a bum fisherman's not a basket?
Why l Hollywood so unlucky, If It
I' n't ono of the thirteen original
colonies'.' Why do they put Lincoln
on pennies, Washington on one-dollar
bills nnd Democratic Presidont
011 lnrgc-Nlzcd notes whero regular
Democrats nover sco 'em? Ex-Cpn-grosslonal
brains alone can answer
these.
If the scarcity of eggs sends
prlco 'way up, why are thore always
plenty of eggs at ?1.20 a dozen? Win
do bronze pants always havo baggy
knees, no matter what sculptor
moulds 'cm? How dons a street car
conductor always know there's
plenty of room up forward? Whai
difference does It make whether the.
CazumptiB or tho Whoozls typewriter
In "used exclusively In this theatre"?
If a guy is color-blind, how Is he
going to know which brand of taxi
cab to pick out?
If next November's crop of ex's
(.111 take care of thce rloMles, we've
Rot plenty more for the overflow.
And snino snappy stiff ones for out
bound Senators.
i
Mooers Marshall
an ocean and at least three gins oc-
fpot; some ono Is always shaking tho
or quarri'lUng In loud tones about who
.. i.n ui.
vuu iru uu siutius Ul ;iia VUAUlll
,
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