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m tfjlf fMO II II m KKtfl II l-t ("NT 1 K t'AyrC jlt JibTJ HJOl fripay. February 17. 1922 MM ;v. 5-. . It About Plays and Players By BIDE DUDLEY EVER since we met Mnrjr Garden the other day wc have felt tort o' friendly toward grand opera. Now. don't condemn us for thin, friends. Wo glvo you our word vc havo no Intention of deserting you fot the Mlk hat and i.llck life of tho golden hor&cfchuc. But you know how It In. Onco In a whllo you meet a politician Hho la really a fine fcllmv and you soften your opinion of politic h uttlc. And that Is the mujilon i.c tween us and grand opera, i But to get to the point. Wo met Will Guard, publicity dls&emlnator of the Metropolitan Opera House, yertcr day and he hailed us affably. "Hello, thcro!" ho called, us lio pushed his locks out of his collnr be hind. "Where you going?" "Nowhcro In pmllculur," we ic- pllcd. "Well, romt on and walk ovei to my oftlcc." Wo did and Will bade us enter ( through tho foreign ofllco. Ouco In Ills ( room liu rat us down anil gave ua u World lo read. Wc became deeply In terested, wlflle he examined homo pa pers, In a witty htory In which B. Phillips Oppenhclm interviewed Joe van Raalto for Tho World. After we had read It Will took us In charge again and Introduced us to a very pleasant lady. "Mme. Alda," he said, "permit me to present Mr. tilde Dudley. You know of him, of course." "Yes, Indeed," replied she. Then, to us: "It seems to me I've heard you sing on tho records, haven't I?" Will Guard came to our rescue and the subject was changed. "By tho way, Mine. Alda," wo said, "you have been Interested, no doubt, In watching the work of Mary Garden us director of tho Chicago a rand nnrn fAmnnnv. havo vou not?" "It has interested nic," she replied, j "Mme. Alda is tho wlfo of our di rector, M. Gattl-Cassaza," said Will Guard. "Of coursel" we replied. Then, uo dresslng her, "How would you like to direct a grand opera company?" "No, slreol" "I Imagine you want to say ouch a Job Is hell." suggested Will Guard, smiling. Mme. Alda smiled and shook her head slowly. "No, I wouldn't say It I hell," she replied. v "Well, what Is It?" we asked. The Alda smile flitted away and the diva looked serious. "It'8 hell plus!" And with another bmlle creeping over her faco she disappeared In one of the secret passageways of tho Met ropolitan. HE WANTED TO KNOW. ; Al Sanders of tho Friars met a little ; Gorman at u. dinner tho other evening. "The German wanted to know Al'a business. Al didn't think it nbccusary to tell him, but he was very Insistent and finally something had to bo done. "You wouldn't believe me If I told you," su.d Al. "Vy wouldn't 1? A business Is a business." "AH right. I'm in tho elephant business." "You mean you sell goods made from elephants' hides, vot?" "No. Tho llvo elephants." "Acht Who vants to puy elo phants?" "Oh, I sell them to tho Hippodrome, tlicuses and other bhows." The German believed him. "But It Is sooch a funny business," ho mused. A period of -Henro followed. Finally however, tho cli i , . i i. more Information on the kiiIjj.. . . "Bay," ho said. "Apout dot tie. pliant business!" . "Yes?" came from Al. - "Vot In der devil do you use fer 'samples?" - 'MSr. yes, most assuredly." splut "ttred Al. And that completed hla por tion of tho conversation. ROBIE WEAR3 A MASK. Louis Roble, who is afflicted with asthma, finds ho cunnot remain In a 100m whero men uro smoking unless hu wears a gas mask. ThLs Is not a joke. The popular theatrical manager haa actually obtained - such u mask, and when he goes to smokers, dinners - and the like he uses It. While wear ing It the other night he met Frank Norcross and almost scared him to death. MISS MARSH TO DANCE. "Peggy" Marsh, whose effort to oh tain a share of the Marshall Field fortune for her son attracted nuch itttentiou a few months ago, is to dance professionally. Her husband Albert L. Johnson, will be her dancing l-artncr. They will appear at the Cen tury concert Sunday night as a ". Murtcr. GOSSIP. Limey Haskell writes to Indorse the Dixon benefit plan. Dennis King has been engaged for "Hack to Methuselah." " Arthur Klein Is trying to Bign up ;addle Boy for Shubcrt vaudeville. Grace George has obtained tho American rights to "Aimer," a new play by Paul Geraldy, author of "The Nest." TW "Midnight Frolic" company wl l mi- "Sally" on the night of Grurgr Washington's birthday. Al 8. n has been engaged by tho Mi ssrs. Snrbert for a role in tho musical comedy, "The Hotel Mouse." ! Mrs. A. H. Woods, wife of the pro ducer, satis for Europe to-morrow on the Olympic Her trip Is for bcth business and pleasure, John Emerson and Anita Loos were i at work writing the other day when I'the celling fall on thcnif Guess It JOE'S CAR 33 I i IHeu - put ix yoiTl if i DibtfT love, roii W, IP" n p,GH1r poR A L"ri aV f? 2 .SS r ,T 15 io v6ns of r5u m a skd kt -wis hour, am' Yoa L vtl 7 k1? toM? fe- "" Cop,. 1922 (rOT. WM) By IW L C. 1 1 THE BIG LITTLE FAMILY i i w&jm TfA sunk ii . Goeee . . i h ,w w. n LITTLE MARY H&Y OH CUE. 2CfV. US Ti-AY. VJILL YA- KATINKA RHYMED PROPOSALS. Miss Cohen, of the rural life pro clivities, 1 1 in greut demand by tho bride-hunters. We havo decided this unall be our final week us a Cupid, but we would Uko to marry her off happily beforo we switch tho rhymed proposals for tomo other feature. Our bet chance teems to be to give her to Louis Price of Smyrna, N. Y. Just see how he longs for tier: tea a Sew York City lad, I follow the plow now like my dad. Tall and ttrong, ex-nrvice man, 1 can love like lovers can, Sal, JIsj Cohen, I'm Jewish, too, In mind and thoughts, tlic same a Vou, A lot't'-nrst u-alHiiff built lor two, I want you, oirlle; will I dot thought the picture should have a plat !er cast. 11. Franklyu Bellamy, appearing In "Hi.il Dog Di umniond. ' hna some In tel itlng relics of Napoleon which he wl'l have shipped here from England, Charles DUUimhom hna reoeived of fers for produolng rights to "Good Morning Dearie" from Mexico, Aus tralia. ISngland and China Toots, brother of Toto, Is opponrlns in "Oct Together" at the lllpijdrams ' .i - f 1 1 - IZZTZZrr t 1 Here's a ham ootsidc j oh.mr cessit-he-rc a .W put HitA ( soRRy, the boss well, hgs not too STboss -There's 1 THROW HER A START A LETTER SOMeIsELUM' SPANISH DlCTlONftRlESj OITH BROOMS- POTS -S OUT! Ih TOO IS vJERV BOSy BOSy To BID HIS AOMT AADV OUTSIDE 1 Y1 AlIT T YAP RAPS AT THE I GERMAM HISTORIES AN U fopKSCReus- DICE- BUSY To AN' CAM'T BE J GOOD -BYE '. JUST 60 r utm Se-OASSES AM")! 9 . "L trrt6eTTi& fL other Joke Books Jrir , Wf croCjbars- bother uith disturbed '. JT v. M and f vz!I!LEE5- DON T NEED ' TE 7 y Copr. 1822 (N. Y. Etc. MIXUP .TTp -PuA,Y Know tUe and exhibiting some unique antics. Clowning seems to lie a family trait. Do Wolf Hopper is the latest legiti mate star to sign u contract to ap pear In Keith vaudeville. Mr. Hop per will ftppear as a "single." offering a comedy monologue. Ruth Helm Davis, playwright and producer, will speak to-motrow night to the Playwrights Club. One act of a play written by a member will be reud and criticised. A THOUGHT FOR TO DAY. Many a small man Is good-natured merely because of his size FOOLISHMENT. (Ilaby Bucklnj Thmnt . ile tea we sump oalah. Poo da ump tea don, Oogle tcump ooh roonj,, Ort da duwoo hnn Me ooh clah. Haw de silm. Me low n mitci Ruck urn turn FROM THE CHESTNUT TREE. "My brother's working now." "You mean the one with th wooden legT" "Yea." "What's he doing?" "Mashing potatoes le a itiUunaL l c. Wotld) By Prtu Pub. Co. VJiLUAfA "Tea- 7oJ rtmsv. v.i... .a w.. . H-cD Wirrx- ft- AND At?eoW . - The Day's THE PRACTICAL WAITER. A CERTAIN Barber ilounty mall was In ToptKj guvcr.il years si uitu w ucn uinner was served at one of the hotels roasting ems wore on the niPiiu. Ho la ex t..',.ie!y fond of coin In this styk and lie ordered "!!' . The corn wis flnr. He gave tl.f colored wall ei an order to some more. This was very quickly disposed of and the waller "repeated." This happened five times belore t'lf hungr man a initialled. As no completed his- dlnno with n glass of water ho was al pi.ico uit'i . " world un1, turnlnt, ti. the waiter, he remarked: "What do yi"i ttvnK of tn.it kind of a dinner?" The waiter grinned and rcmnrked ; "Well, suh, boss, this yeah Is the highest priced hotel In Knnniix dnn't you think you rouM vivn hoiho money hy bourdln' n.t a Ihn iiihuV Mrdl oins Leihjs lirdt. S ,j , - jg- r im IH. V. C. WtM) Ht Pr 4 Pi. C Ej 1 -rSu-pLy S eHougH-To AND fif f N' Good Stories THE CHANCE OF HIS CAREER. A YOUNG reporter was sent out by the city editor of one of the Rochester papers to report a meeting- About two hours after the argu ment was made the young rcportci returned with a bad countenance. The city editor tuiJ him to get tlu report up Immediately, as it was near ly time to go to pi-L"vi. There will not be any report on that meeting," was tho answer. "Why not?" queried the city editor. "Thero wa-. no meeting," replied th ou:ig report' r. "It broko up In a bis row and the Chairman was . luifkecl us ! i tin- lable." 'Hochcstor Democrat-Chrnnlcl'-. VORDS OF WARNING. V ANUICRBILT ALL13N on on At lantlo City beach Issued I grave warning to a rich old widower. The widower hnd praised with un becoming ardor, considering his years, a shancly young woman In a red bathing suit. He said he had mado nor acquaintance In a cafe the night it vto saia that th woul Or Was It Sunday Morning ? ! ? They "Spoiled " More Wanted A Santa Claus Out of Season! make a, wife of whom any man might be proud. It was then Mr. Allen Issued his warning. Ho said: 'Too many men in love with a white throat or a shapely ankle make tho mistake of marrying tho entire grl." Detroit Free Press. AND THEN HE KISSED HER. "D AUGHTKU." said the mothr severely. "I wish to speak to you on a very serious sub- Jcct. I Daughter as sumed her most childlike expres sion and mur mured. "Yes. mamma." "I must tell you that I was passing through t li o hall last night and 1 saw that young Mr. SImpklns kiss you." es, mamma. "Did you give him permission to kiss yon?" "No, mamma." 1 "Then how did he come to do it "He asked me If It would offpnd me If he kissed me.' "Yes. yes. And what did you sayr ..i -,m hnw miild I tell until I lintw how It would aneci m CUvsland Wln saUr. j i I Than "the Broth ' 6X XtFFHer4T COOV IN AS t i ii i iiiiniflii i n i in Xc!y;o"z?)! PUT IN THE PUSH. AVERY small but live Doy appuea to a great merchant for a Job. Tho great man sizeu mm up with twinkling eyes, for' the one .situ ation open needed a bigger parcel of unfan experience, and asked what position he wanted. "A chance to grow up In tho busi ness, mister." "Well, we are more or less being depopulated by tho drafts. What Is your motto, my boy?" 'The same as yours." was the ready answer. "What do you mean?" ajked the puzzled merchant. "Why, cn the door there 'Push.' " Ho got the Job of keeper of that very door. Everybody's Magazine. HIS DRAWING SPECIALTY. A MAN was driving n donkey to Bantry on a market day. The donkey began to huIU und back Into the dike. A local Justice of the peace happened to le coming on be hind In his cnr. nnd overtaking them, he said: "Well, my man, what's wrong with your donkey that ho won't draw?" "Oh, your honor, sir," said tho laborer, "but he does draw." "How bo, my good man what does he draw?" "Why, your worship, he draws the attention of every donkey, that mih" fconflos Tit. am, Screenings By DON ALLEN THE YEAR'S BEST. It being tho fad of the moment for all writers on screen topics to select and print their selections of the "Ten Best Pictures of the Year" or "The Five Best Pictures of 1931," we took our typewriter In hand yesterday and out camo our selection. To our mind the best pictures m saw In 1921 were: "Tho Dig Little Family," Bud Counlhan's comlo that lies to thof northwest of Screenings. "A Boston Garter Rampant." aa shown In street car ads. "A rtoyal Flush," the framed and sperkled lithograph that was given to us when our favorite anti-Volstead Joint folded up. "Tho Thinker," posed by Bid Dudley while at work. All of our selections were motion pictures, ,chock full of action, except ing, of course, the last subject. And.Jg we'll stack our selection alongstda of' T any wo have seen so far. TIRED SITTING. William Furnum, ever polite, was bitting In a Broadway car tho other evening. Thero wasn't a vacant seat. Two young girls, both carrying lo skates, strolled in. William Jumped to his feet and. with as courtly u bow as was over screened, offered his seat to ono o the girls. Instead of moving toward the space vacated by I'arnum, tho. girls' looked at ono another and giggled. "Have my scat," urged Bill. "No, thank you," gurgled ono of tho fair ones. "Wo do not care to sit dowu." "Better," further advised the scrcenlte. "You nro going skating and will be tired before the evening Is over." "We're not GOING," chirped one of tho girls; "we've been." With a great understanding burst ing upon him, William Farnum sat down. PASS THE FUDGEI Frank Borsage, director of "Hu moresque" and "Get-Rlch-Qulck Walllngford," yesterday discovered new wrinkle for pipe smokers. Mrs. Frank gave ner nusoand UBIU.J f ' . ...... v- 1 . Frank shoved it deep Into an overcoat pocket, where It nestled close to a sack of "the raakln's." An hour or so later Frank filled his pipe from tho sack and deeply Inhaled tho first puff. He gasped and blew the smoke hurriedly rrom his lungs. "What th' " he started, aa his wife sniffed and sniffed. "That pipe smells Uko a Chines Joss-house." snorted the wife. Frank agreed. Then ho made a discovery. Tho wife's handkerchief had been liberally perfumed and had trans planted some of the perfumery to tha I tobacco. "It might toe aJi right ror tnoee who dlno exclusively off cake," muttered Frank, "but for a real smoker ugh!" STILLS. Tho Ruper Hughes picture filmed under the title of "Sent Far Out" Is being released under Its r.ew name. "Come On Over." It Is an Irish ro mance Basil King, author of Goldwyn's "Dust Flower," also wroto "Earth bound." There are, however, no sp.-: u among the dusty flowers. Helene Chodwtck and Richard Dlx. popular screen Idols, will bo seen to gether again In "Yellow Men and Gold." Mr. and Mrs. uwen mooro appear unirnicic when thev are not va- dtlonlng. Now they aro In Palm rtonrh trtvlnc tho ocean a strong play. Slow motion photography Is used with telling comedy effect In tho lat est Hall Room Boys reieaso, -ueware of Blondes." The S. Rankin Drew Post, Ameri can Legion, which numbers many film folk In Its membership, will hold ' it-i first annual ball at mo Jtom i Pennsylvania on th night of March 2 I "And Women Must Weep" Is tho hilarious tltlo of latest "Wilderness 'Tales" to bo released by Robert C. ! Bruce. i "Down to Dip In Egypt" Is the al i luring name i Educatlonal's latest travel release. Mermaid Comedies, Inc., announce that "Step This Way," me iaiesi comedy from that picture mill, is "one of the funniest (lima filmed." Used to be that actresses claimed to take milk baths for their complexion.. Now D. W. Griffith orders a lactel fluid emersion for film of "Orphans of the Storm" every time it gets dusty. Lillian and Dorothy Glsh aro In New England to be present at the dedica tion of a church. The pastor pre sided over the christening of the sis ters out In Masslllon, O. Agnes Egan Cobb announces she has severed her c mnectlon with the Arrow Film Corporation io u:tmuu bucii sales manager of the Concord Film Company. Inc.. ano win npeim uer time selling "Ten Nights In a Bar room." CLEARED OF SUSPICION. I SAW him in the street car. He was stout, a blond, of erect bear ing. Tho ends of his mustache turned up sharply. Ho muttered softly to himself, with a guttural accent, an ho covertly consulted somo closely written memoranda. "Umph!" nald I to myself. "Thcso aro suspicious times. I'll keep an eye on you!" The cnr filled. People were stand ing 1 the aisle. Si Menly the man I watched put tho papers In his pocket nnd looked up. An elderly woman stood beforo him. Ho sprang to his feet, startled, and exclaimed: "I beg your pardon, madam. Tak this Beat!" I wsa mistaken. H was not airman ipy. Judjt, I'" I 1A