New-York tribune. [volume], June 23, 1901, Page 16, Image 44

About New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924

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16
LONDON'S CADI.
CAUSTIC ORIGINALITY OF MR. COMMIS
SIONER KERB
From The London Mail.
Although Mr. Commissioner Korr has hurt the
f relinks and wounded the pride of many people,
lawyers and public alike, during his long term on
the lull of the City of London Court, the an
nouncement of his retirement tin. ls him in id in high
respect and regard.
For the world loves a "character.*' and Robert
Malcolm Kerr, the aged Scotsman— be la eighty
years old to-day — who has for forty-two years acted
us the City's cadi, Is a "character" so completely
out of the ordinary line of human nature, that he
mlshl have stepped straight out of Charles l>i.-k
entt's Immortal Balk
lie has been a fine old judge — capable, caustic,
rugged, original, fearlessly honest, concealing under
a .rusty exterior a kindly heart. Talking to a
croup at the annual "thieves' supper" In connection
with St. Giles's Mission, the commissioner discov
ered th.it one of the men had been up before him
at the Old Bailey.
"Did you deserve the sentence I gave you?" asked
the judge, and the frank reply. "Well. yes. I did."
so pleased him that the astonished ex-convict was
rewarded with a sovereign.
He was an enormous worker, and would get
through a score of .as. sometimes in the time
that many a learned brother would have occupied
over one. He economized time in several ways.
He would. for Instance, prevent the overprovlng
of cases by redundant evidence. "Don't want any
more witnesses " he would say to the lawyer con
ducting the proceedings. "You've proved your case;
now you are only trying to run up costs. Sit
down." For if there was one thing more than an
other whidi angered Mr. Commissioner Kerr it was
tv see Waste of money in law costs.
More Raving of time was effected by his method
Of summing up. His general formula was something
like this:
• i»entlemen You have hear-r-d the eevidence just
•is .veel as I ha* hear-r-d it mysel*. I just leave the
care to the cawman sense which juries are sup
[.,,-..! to possess. Pawn seeder your vardlct."
<>r a variant upon which he would ring the
changes was to the effect that if the jury believed
the evidence for the plaintiff they would find a
verdict f"r the plaintiff: if I ':.. -. believed ihe •'..
dence for the defendant they would rind a verdict
for the defendant; but If. like himself they be
li< v. d neither the evidence for the plaintiff n..r
that for the defendant. Providence alone could tell
What their verdict ouelit to 1,.-
He w.rs .i maker of phrases. That now famous
maxim that "Evi dog is entitled t.» his first
biie." was the commissioner's way of netting forth
that a dos must have won a character ror savage
ness I. .-...>. it could prejudice its master. In a
nousebreaking ... delin
quent was an eleveh-ycar-old boy who had broken
and entered a shop by lifting a latch and descend
ing two steps in ... secure .i handful of sweets.
The commissioner protested against the employ
ment of the hole criminal machinery of the coun
try— policemen, magisterial hearing, and <>!.! Uail.-j
trial to hr.-ak so small a butterfly on the win
"The proper course to adopt." he said -would have
been to take the child Into the backyard and t..
have Inflicted punishment upon that part of his
anatomy which a beneficent and far-seeing Nature
bad provided for the specific purpose.*.'
lie displayed his originality of thought a doz. n
times a day. When arguments addressed to him
were loaded with precedents and quoted cases "I'll
have n:y own law in my own court." he would
break in.
He was the scourge of money lenders In the days
of. their unfettered exorbitance, and one Shylock
who was entitled to the pound of flesh which the
law gave him was served with Portia liki Justice
The defendant had to pay. There was no getting
away from the debt Although he had paid the
original loan some four times over, he still owed
as Interest and charges nearly twice as much a-.
he had borrowed, "You must pay this debt." said
the commissioner sternly, "but you will pay It at
the rate of ana penny a month." It will t.ike thai
defendant exactly US years to repay the amount al
the specified rate
He was once remonstrating ngalnut the triviality
or a claim for compensation for a dug bite, "llui
your lordship. pleaded the counsel for the plaintiff
'v. hit would you .1,, .. a ferocious dog rushed Into
court and bit your lordship?"
"1 should see that the policeman who look alter
the door was promptly dismissed.*! replied the
Judge
<»tv- unfortunate debtor swore he could not piy.
and that he in. .tie cot a penny Of pr..!it out of his
busirx ss.
'Then why in the world don't you sell It to urn*
body?" qulssed the commissioner, "That I* what
smart i. pi.- do with a business that does not pay "
A tobacconist with a bill for cigar.*, the purchase
of which was denied, produced hi bonks by »ay
of proof.
"Is that all your evidence.?" asked the judge
••Yes." said the plaintiff.
'Now attend to me," said the commissioner.
Ju.st bo home and .-it down and make an entry
against me for £1.000 worth of cigars— l never smoke
tin m, the nasty things! then send me in your
account, and I shall refuse to pay. Then tr> to
prove your case by that entry."
The tobacconist closed his ledger and departed:
and. if wise, learned from the judge a lesson worth
the amount or the claim ha lost.
ETON JOIIX FELL FROM GRACE.
Prom The .Milwaukee .Sentinel.
Chinese servant stories are epidemic. Here's om
and It's tru*.
A West Side woman a few days :>•¦¦•< was boa tin?
<" •• caller of the virtue* of her Mongolian cook.
and she emphasized the latt< r's systematic methods
as his special strong point.
"John finishes Ills work at precisely the same min
llte every evening," said she proudly. "I always
know exactly where he is and what he is doing at
any time of. ihe day "
"Well, what is he doing now?" was asked.
"I*l me nee. it is 7 o'clock. Well, he has just
finished pulling the dish, away, and at this mo
ment is sweeping the kitchen. Come, let's go out
und .-•• If I'm not right."
They started through the dining room, and found
everything in its plate, as prophesied. In the pantry
the dish were neatly arranged in their customary
place. Then they opened the kitchen door.
There In the centre of the room was John, and he
was— complacently washing his feel in the dish pan!
Th« embarrassed mistress and her convulsed guest
retired in haste. And tin- servant problem was
dropped.
AX ILLUSTRATIVE I//',/ WEST.
From The Chicago Record-Herald.
Frank 1,. Btanton has offered a part of his col-
Mm, ia "The Atlanta Constitution" for the line of
people who wish to settle the hell question. Bone
Interesting opinions have been recorded, the gen
eral tendency among the Georgians being to stick
to "hell" in preference to "hades."
This reminds us of a contention that arose am. mi:
the members of a church in a certain town In
Western Pennsylvania when the substitution of the
\v..iU hade* for hell was lirst suggested. The mat
ter came up for discussion at a class meeting, th.
minister stoutly arguing for hell, but a majority
of the brethren apparently being in favor of some
thing milder ii they could have it as well as not.
After about a dozen speakers had discussed the
subject old Uncle John Camp stood up. Uncle John
was a good in. in. but he had -. habit of joking, and
ii was that trait perhaps which made the people
always get ready to laugh when he started to talk.
Whatever he said was expected to be funny, and
whether It really was so or not his hearers In
variably roared.
Bo when ITncle John stood up in the class meet-
Ing all the others present got ready to hear urn.
New York Central's Grand Central Station, CENTER NE °w T Y S E m? ITY 0F
NEW-YORK TRIBUNE ILLUSTRATED SUPPLEMENT.
iaii: evcusT- • ax you direct mb TO HICHAM : 1 [.!•: V. please?
ItL'STIO— YOU'VE >.\i.v GOT To I'uI.I.KIt VKI: n. ..;;•:. MISS;' but V"i"i.i, FIND it it ill WOUK!—
(I'lim-h.
thing .i- li. i..iis. The old man looked . I
around, .a; ¦ • ned his ii . .
little Iwitch aa urn i!<»»-: who i>
to tackle something \ rj diflicult, md afUi an
impn sslv ¦ :;::••• thai • • in- d :¦: ¦ :. ¦¦ : probald;
v. ,- .ii.i
' < >h. I ¦
Then he - -it d..W", .-rid ;!..¦ .'-;:!;..:. 1 \\ - OVel
forever in thai town, lladea has no pLte< In i
•. •• abulary.
— • —
ni T try mr Mm ills ol i:\i:is
Prom The Phil idelj hla I"
The lesson had I- n ihout the prodigal son. and
the entire Sunday school had been properly im
ilii: LAST i.i N sriKELI
;. ¦ Prm
I.IITOX— IA7TS HAVES A RACE tenon THE ATI*ANTII? to TEST TUE STA
BIUTS OF :ir: YACHTS.— (Boston Herald..
pri - ¦ .:. The superintendent rose at the cloa I
\\.:i, ,i view of inculating a highly moral lesson.
"Now, in > little friends, who st Ibj ob
i opos< •! bangui t t.> th< proO
And a voice ti a r.a- corner answered, 'Tut rail."
Mil TII 1 / A- \ ¦•
Prom Boston Id* is.
"¦•• • waiters at i hotel asked i prim.
• Intl. Iran >i dinner if he would have soup.
noyed, he said to the last waitef who
i- !.• d 1 ¦ '1- it . oinpiilsory '"
• N». sir." -.ud the wait.-r. '-I think it b ¦ .
turtl.-."
Til!: l-AKMKKS AUK I'SI.V. X I'll. 'SI ..\K TO ... HE J " ¦ 'ES.
LITTLE liKOTUEK'S '111 \>H.'
From The Denver Post.
So yo : re -..in' to marry my sister!
She told us about it last nlghj.
Ami said if you wasn't so handsome
You was otherwise jest about . right.
Ma looked sort .• wild fur a «•»«"_»«
i guess she was thinkin of >'•"
But pa only «ii.i that he reckoned
'Twas 111. bo- the best she could do.
She give us a sort of a sample
i.i what you've bin sayin to her.
Of love flow-in' deep as the ocean
An* heavens that never d blur.
Of how you believed her an angyi
Jest loaned to the earth from the sky.
But pa sajd she oughtn't to worry —
You'd git over all that by an' by.
An* say now. she ain't a bad fellow
As long as we let her be boss.
•Opt when she gits up in the niorntn
She's apt to be snappy an cross.
I reckon she's told you "bout Harry
That give her the diamond rins;.
An* how when she found it was bogus
He got the elaborate tling?
Ma says she his heard you are flighty.
An' somewhat inclined to be fast.
lint m. :<!¦¦• that after you're married
You'll cut yourself loose from the pas...
Sis says it's wild ...us you are sowing.
Hut she will jest gamble her boots
That when you ire cihehed as her is us. Kirn.
You'll ¦in: agriculchul pursuits.
There's one thing I'll =riy fur my sister.
She never i. Tits up fur a beau;
Jest rolls up her ¦¦¦'¦:> in papers.
Fur frizz. become her. you know.
An" ma says ...•¦¦•' her tisi?r>' &
She's lucky that she kin escape
A-havin* a dressmaker help her »
.... up to presentable ¦".:.'
¦SJ
I think when you git In the harness %^u
You're goin' "to work double all right;
She'll never kick over the traces -¦
If the marriage bandwagon runs light.
Jest do the satiate thins an' you'll tin.l her
The sweetest rose In the bunch.
But if you— siy. cheese it! She's cnniir:'!
Don't tell her I've give you a hunch!
BIS SCOTTISnXESS.
From.The Chiengp News.
On one occasion the late Chief Justice Uu.ss.-ll
went into the Knsrlish provinces to help the I.J
erara in a certain campaign. He began his -;•¦ -
of set purpose with some very badly pronoun- ¦
Scotch After the confusion caused by his „;
parent blunder had subsided Sir Charles Rnsj
tits he the-i was) said: •'¦ ¦ n;.-n. 1 c!o not sp*
Scotch, but I \!>te Scotch." Tremendous applav,
followed, whereupon Sir Charles proceeded, "an'
sometimes drink Scotch." With this •••- noli! on t*
audience was secured.
• ¦/ m:\rr..
From The Kansas City Journal.
A pretty little woman seeking a divorce was
questioned by Judge Simons in the district cimrt
at Fort Scott, and she said: "I am not arranging
to get married again; I have no steady company,
and 1 have no one in view." "Don't you think
that rather imprudent?" asked Judge Simons.
i:i K. 'l-H < ¦MII.PKKN. TOT' SHilfl.PN'T FLAY AT Til \T
»;.\MK. IT MAKKS MX vkuY NERVOUS. ¦ Minneapolis Tr.t.une