New-York tribune. [volume], June 05, 1904, Page 2, Image 28

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2
A MAN OF DISTINCTION
\X/iIK\ is a man distinguished? What is
» * the test.' The question was under
discussion not lon},' aj:,. .it the Players' ("lull,
New-York, and I'rote-sor Brandei Matthews
ventured that it w.is when a stamped envelop
with only a man's name on it and no
further address would be delivered to him
wherever he happened to be.
"That seems a pretty severe test." said
Francis Wilson, the actor. "Now, I should
call M.irk Twain a distinguished man. but
Ins traveling somewhere in Europe, and
although IHi a numl friend ol his 1 do not
know how tn address him. 1 don't believe
such i letter would reach nun. It would j;o
to the Dead-Letter < nine "
"Well, you don't know nun any better
than 1 .!.. " replied Professor Matthews, "and
I don t know where he i-. either, but 1 believe
that a letter addressed to Mark Twain. None-
Knows- Where,' w< uld reach Cleinens and
brin>; .in answer."
The comedian was delighted .it tin- notion,
and going to one of the writing tables ad
dressed .in envelop in accordance with
Professor Matthews' suggestion. A five-cent
stamp was affixed, so that the message would
be earned anywhere within the limits .>! tne
Postal Union, and then between them they
Composed a letter explaining the nature of
tin experiment, inclosed it .mil mailed a.
In three weeks they received a reply from
Clemens, who had received his letter while
tr.ivi I •:_■ in Austria.
The New-York post-office authorities had
pro% . •• be sufficiently familiar wit. i literary
lii.iittr-- i i know who were Clemens' American
publishers, and had put the letter in their box.
It was known by these men that Clemens
was somewhere in Europe, and they had
forwarded tin- letter in ..ire of Ins English
publishers who obtained i.:- address from
hi bankers. "Mark Twain. None Kn ws-
Where," received the letter in twelve days
from tin- date of mailing, and : ■.■ answer,
«!>:. U he wrote at once, was only nine days on
the return trip. Clemens having refrained
from applying a similar test to ins cor
respondent!
NOim ELEPMANI AM) HHI BABY
A <i.M YKKABLY intelligent elephant,
** ■ •„•.-. vi n .i new
: • • . •
she was ill vot< il. It dl< d, and ■lv be« ..me
...
Formerly the gentlest <•! creatures, she
grew irritable, ami even ilangerous. ime
morning she broke the chain which confined
tx t and es< .-.]■< .1 -.tit., the fort-st.
One night, about tin ilays after her escape,
1 1.> orticer who hud i.. •'i hi charge ol l»er
went out to lie in wait foi bears at a ]- nd
in a jungle at some ill! t.iin <
A- he and his native attendant wen re
turning, early in the morning, the native
silently nudged him, ami they saw in the
dim. gray light an elephant with her . ill
making their way toward the camp They
litti sprang behind tries, am] when the
elephants had passed the native insisted
that the older one was their i Id friend, the m
101. '.1.i1.1e mother.
When they reached the camp they found
that the truant had returned, ami had gone
from one person to another, touching each
with her trunk, as it exhibiting hei adopted
child, which she v.d evidently begged, bor
rowed • r stolen in her absence.
ll' r go., 1 temper and usual ilociiity re
turned .it ••!• c. and her owner blessed the
PM>«l fortun which had enabled her to procure
a baby elephant.
HER PAPA WAS A TAILOR
/'V.! ol the retired business men uf Wash-
ington narrates an experience with
Mrs Stover, a daughter <-f President Andrew
Johnson, who resided at the White House
during the Presidency of her father. 11.
says
"Mr- Stover came t.> my -tore and bought
a stylish • lo.ii. of tin- then modern pattern.
the price of which was seventy-five dollars.
Sh. i,.,.i it -mt t.. the White House, and
charged to I'resulenl |t»hnson's account.
About one week later she sent t c cloak buck,
and .1 we had do! received cash for it we
were obliged to take it Mrs Stover gave no
explanation of her course then but a -hurt
tune atterward when she visited the -tore I
asked her what Was the cause of lu-r dis
satisfaction with the cloak, and she ans
wered
"'1 was satisfied with it, bul papa was not.
He said that the cloth w..s not of the best,
the workmanship inferior, and the price too
high. Now. it is useless for yon to argue
with im about it for I don't know anything
about it If you want to argue about it. v;o
t., the Whit.- House and see papa He was
a tailor you know, and l»e can talk shop to
y.u .dl right."
SUNDAY MAGAZINE for JUNE 5. 1904
IRISH NAMES
b>- John Ludlow
Names wid the musical lilt of a troll to tbitn.
Names wid a roliickin' swinjj an' a roll to Minn.
Names wid a body an' hones an' a son] to thin —
Shure, an' they're poethry, darlini astbore!
Names wid the smell o1o 1 the praties an' wheat to him.
Names wid the odor o1o 1 dillisk an' peat to tlnm.
Names wid a lump o' the turf hangin 1 sweet to thim —
Where can ye/, bate thim. the whole wurruld o'er?
Brannigan, Fiannigan, Miltigan, GilKgan,
Duffy, McGuffy, Multarky, Mahone.
Kat'ferty. Lafferty, Connelly, Donnelly.
Dooley, O'Hooley, Muldowny, Malone;
Maddigan, Caddigan, Hallahan, Callahan,
Pagan, O'Hagan, O* Houlihan, Flvnn.
Shanahan, Lanahan, Fogarty, Hogarty,
Kelly, O'Skeily, McGinnis, McGinn.
Names will a fine old Hibernian sheen to thim.
Names wid the dewy shamrocks chngin' green to thim,
Names wid a whiff o1o 1 the honest potheen to thim —
Shure, an' they're beautiful, darlint asthore!
Names wid the taste i>' the salt o' the earth to thim.
Names wid the warmth o' the ancisthral hearth to thim.
Names wid the blood o' the land 6' their birth to thin —
When can yea bate thim the whole wurruld o'er?
Brannigan, Flannigan, Milligan, Gilhgan,
Duffy, McGuffy, Miillarky, Mahone.
Rafferty, Lafferty, Connelly, Donnelly,
Dooley, O'Hooley, Muldowny. Malone;
Maddigan, Caddigan. Hallahan, Callahan,
Pagan, O'Hagan, O' Houlihan, Flynn,
Shanahan. Lanahan, Fogarty, Hogarty,
Kelly, O'Skeily, McGinnis, McGinn
IPMIIILOSOI'.MUY O.iV TO-DAY
by Lynn X MeeKin-
If you want t<> give a man a bad bw mess reputation call him a good follow.
A stock margin is the narrow and slippery rim around the black pit of ruin.
All's fair in love, war an«l i>oKtM . bul in politics most ol it is unfair.
Tin girl who sighs for rx mty in a moonlit comer deserves to be an old maid.
\. ■'■ book • an«l n< w ■■'• •.•- are two iHrl< nnt things. Pot instance, every dog has
1,-, ,!.,\
School are gootl and necessary; but the man who schools himself learns the
\ itul Ii 1»n
Mourning over lost opportunities is about a^ useful as measuring the tish that
• In! in.t 1 :t.
A . lam is happy ai higli tick because it w..its for it-- happiness instead ol arekinf
it . t ]. w watt r
Si, Tin fi, rtini.it.- im ii have th.- kippy kn ck ol accepting advice gratefully —
and then forgetting it ; r>>mj)tly
The kicking ht>rse Ii - tv work just as hard .is the willing steed, and
gets nothing bui blows foi In ki> k-
He who counts the hours wonders why the day is so long He who f.iils |o hear
tin .link because he is interested in Ins -.\..rk womlers why the day is so shirt.
It has been gravely computed thai there are 635.013 >>• 6oe hands at whist and
yet we constantly hear people say thai in the broader lite of business and achieve
ment all the chances are gone.
MY CASTLE OF IFAB3GY
I3y Edith St'N^icn^ Tupper
I have .t castle <.f fancy thronged with a thousand guests —
Knights and I<t«ls and 'ailies in velvets and satins dressed,
Soldiers armored and sturdy ; — ant] fri-h from war's alarms,
Guarding my castle's pwi 1-. are stalwart men-at-arms.
Mounteb nks, pre'ates, hegg rs, a varied . nd motley train
Winds through my *■:«.- tl«- ol fancy in some mystical, far-ofl Sp.tin.
There are pennants on tower and turret Forth from the eamneata flung
Are banners ol roy.l splemlor with g >lden 'broideries hung.
There are musk and dance and laughter, the trumpet's silvery Man,
Wassail and merrymaking, as tankards are tossed in air
(), I live it all with the people who dwell in my demesnes!
I walk ofttimes with t tu- mighty, and 1 sup with Kings and Queens,
There are treasures vasl in mi castle: spices, ivory, gold,
Pearls fnun remotest isl nds, jewels and wealth untold,
I. men shiwls and »dornments , perfumes ol Ar.iliy hU-st,
Swathings <>f priceless laces hidden in coffer and chest.
Pirates bearded and wicked ravage the southern main
To bring tins costly treasure tt> my castle in f.ir-otl Spain.
When my heart grows sick and weary, oppressed l>y this humdrum world,
I board my fleetesi shallop, its wings ol thought unfurled,
And soon through clouds of musing, shadowy, vague and dun,
Looms up my mystic.'.l c.tstle on the far horizon's run
Then flung to the wind-, an- its banners, the trumpet's hlust is blows,
An.l the gates are swung wide open when 1 come again t<> my own.
NO GENTLEMAN WANTED
BEFORE Lawrence Mutton embarked
the troubled sea of authorship — thai
to an ample inheritance, in what may i .■■
termed a literary steam yacht — he was to* a
short time engaged in the produce business
on West-st.. New-York
While the work was not particularly con
genial to a jmO| man of his temperament
and ambitions he threw himself into it with
energy, if not exactly with enthusiasm and
as he was always careful to remove his kid
gloves before he arrived within sight of the
warehouse, ami never put on any airs of mental
superiority, his hearty and open manner won
him many friends among the consignors. and
customers of the firm by which he was em
ployed.
» >ne morning he was standing in his shirt
sleeves in the doorway superintending the
loading of several trucks, when an unmis
takable specimen of the up-State agriculturist
Stopped in front el the store, glanced up at
the sign, and asked first MM one and then the
other members of the firm. Hutton explained
that one was dead, the other out. told who he
was. and asked if he could be of any service.
" Wa-al. ye- guess ye cud. ' replied the
farmer. "Whut in ye tell me about J' i.<
it Robinson on the next block.'"
" Why, I don't know that 1 can lei yon
very much." said young Mutton "They're
in the same line of trade that we are: t.ike
consignments from farmers and sell to the
m.irkettnen and retailers Of course, as com
petitors we don't have any direct dealings
with them. but they have a good reputation
in the trade tor straight and honorable dealing,
and in fact I think you'll find them Loth
perfect gentlemen."
" Wa-al. that's iest whut I thought." ex
claimed the {ratified ranchman. "N. w, I
ain't bo gentleman myself, and I don't want
ter do BO business with no gentleman; and
hereafter I'm goin' ter send all my track let
you
BY THEIR TEETH YE SHALL KNOW
HOW intimately a mans point of v.« v.
depends u;iun his profession and h..!.:t
u.il line of thought is aptly illustrated by an
anecdote which will doubtless be of mtcrt-t
to Miss Annie Russell, tile actress, who baa
lately become Mrs Oswald Y.-rke.
Middletown New-York, or it may I ■
• ioshen, boasts of a dentist who. besides being
a skilful operator, is a devoted amateur of th<
drama He generally manages to arrange
his engagements so a* to visit the metro} > i:s
for a week every winter, where he Spends
most of Ins time in going t< ■ the theater.
Shortly after his return to «i. .shen — or w.is
it Middle town? — from his annual holiday lo»t
winter, he was visited professionally by a
patient and towns woman named Miss Rich
ards. When he had ensconsed her securely ir
the chair, and lined her mouth with rubber
blankets and doyhe- and other r*n ragr^irmaha
Of his trade, so that she could neither gel
away, nor answer back, he ! <■•.•. to onload (
his budget of reminiscences > t his trip to
the city
And oh. Miss Richards'" he suddenly
exclaimed, "we went to see Miss Russell in
\l:>e and Mm' The play Was delightful,
anil Miss Russell was i harming, and SO pretty!
I had never seen her before. And the funniest
thing— the moment she came on the stage I
Budged my wile and whispered: "Whom dies
she remind you of? 1
"And you know the same thought had
occurred to her. 100, and she answered at
once "Miss Kuhards. • ! course "
"Oh. the resemblance was remark.. ,
Naturally, after she had l era on the stage a
little while, and w« had a better opp. v. •. X v
lit observing her. we <..»■ that the similarity
was not so dose as it had seemed at ru-t —
her bicuspids are mm h longer than yours' "
SHORN OF HIS POWER
IN the i losing d.iv- «>t the last sessi. n «t
« Congress, one .t the Representatives
fr-tn a Northern State was complaining to a
colleague ot the political non-activity ,: a
number of his constituents whom he hail era
influential in placing m public offices.
There •- no use talking." he said, "t'is
Civil Service business is a humbug. In. ■ id
four or five fellows for food jobs, and as -. i n
as they got warm in then -eats they snapped
their fingers at me. They felt that they
were protected by the rivil Service. . ml
made up their minds to lay down and n. t do
any work "
■•That's nothing to a fellow that I had „pX
pointed." said the other man. who h.,i!ed
from one of the Western States, 'he was "
worse than any ol your fellows. "
" W '• what did he do " inquired the ,
Northerner >
"Do'" was the indignant reply. "Why,
as soon as he got his place he joined the
church, an.! now he is useless as f..r as out
political organization is concerned."