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New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, September 25, 1904, Image 28

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IT was a cold, drizzly afternoon, in spite of
* the calendar's assertion that the month
was August. Mrs Parker, who was much
interested in one of the latest novels, decided
that a grate tire would add materially to her
enjoyment of the book.
It was the maid's day out. so the chilly
woman, who was rather proud „ 1 her ability
along practical lines, proceeded to build her
fire. First she crumpled a newspaper an.l
thrust it deep into the K rate. Next, she
carefully built an Indian tepee of slender
sticks of kindling. To this, with a practised
hand, she added a selected piece of hardw 1
an.l two neat chunks of soft coal Then,
surveying the arrangement with pride, she
drew "her chair before the fireplace, placed
her feet on the fender, and with a pleasurable
sense of warmth and comfort stealing over
her began to read.
Two hours later Mrs. Parker's sister bustled
"My!" she exclaimed. "Isn't it wretchedly
cold? I'm just chilled through."
■'Draw up a chair." urged Mrs. Parker
without taking her eyes from her fascinating
In...'k. "and do lei me finish this page— it's
the very last one. It's delightfully warm
here by the fire."
• Tire- " exclaimed the visitor. "I don't
see any tire."
■■ Why, Mess m.'" cried Mrs. Parker, sud
denly coming to life. "Here's the match in
my band! I forgot to scratch it."
# * *
De Style: "I hear the actor she married
gets up every night and walks the floor with
the baby. How did she ever net him to do
thai 1 "
Gunbusta "Why, she laid railroad ties the
entire length of their Sat."
# * *
HI", ■ ■■■ a raw-boned shaggy-beaded indi
vidual, with a bnzzlv. unkempt red
beard and dothe* that had collected more
real ■ than a real-est ii>- agent.
He came rushing into the Cranberry i'<>r
ners tavern with an expression . ,f anguish on
hi. rosy countenance, and excitedly gasped:
" 1 b tve been bitten'"
That was a!! that the kind-hearted cr..mes
wi . were lounging about the place wanted
to hear. In an jn*tnnl Baska w.-re whisked
out of pocketS and the ..intents were poured
into the intelligent hobo. When the unfor
tunate man appeared to be relieve. l -and he
didn't appear that way until he ....
all the tlas'. s were relieved- -s.imeUi.ly asked
him sympathetically.
41 Wttl it a snake tbet hit ye?"
" Not at all. Jes '.<■ "
"M.. 1 dorg, mebbe," chimed another.
" Nay, nay, Pauline."
They bok< 1 :: • ■:. one to the other in a
MirjT: • : ri IW iv
■■ Then ye mought t>ll us ... wua thet
bit v<-." drawled the proprietor of the tavern
"Why. gents, it wuz a mosquito. 1... t..'"
An.! with th it the shrewd tramp darted
out of the place and hurried up the road.
KING LE< >l >LD -1 Belgium, who b
at Biarrits. taking a vacation from tlie
worrit I ral and Cong >land
troubles in particular, was th>- central I
in an amusing im ideni • tfa h
lonaMi- Frem h \\ • laughing.
The democratii monarch bathed I
rfi'l ev< r\' other n
tatiously. One morning as he came oul ol
the water, he ■ hanced to collide with a p'rilv
man. who evidently did not know a King in a
'" What do you mean sir?" he Mi..rt,-.i
savagely "Be more careful 1 would have
you to know 1 am a member ol the Paris
City Council."
■■!!;• n I offer a thou and apologies." replied
Leopold at on< c. "1 am only th<- Kn^ .>i the
Bones: "So Jim's old man eul him oi)
without a penny. He'll have to hoe Ins own
row iv >w
Jones: " Pretty hard for a r..k<-. isn'l ii t"
* *• #•
ANDREW STONE, the Amu- explorer,
** was entertaining th<- members ■>! the
Camp-fire Club with an accouni <.t his receni
<li-.. . .vt-ries.
"We w.-nt miles and miles," said he, "over
a perfectly trackless country, on the sledges;
then, all ol a sudden, just as hope was begin
ning to die in every breast, we saw the high,
bald mountains "t
"Good w'.rk, Andrew!" said one of his
friends. " I knew it there was ■ high-ball
country anywhere, you would find it!"
By Charles Russell Taylor
Whin Murphy wor appinted boss ay Sictioa Twinty-two
H<- ordered all t IT mm to shtan 1 in line.
He looked thhn up an' down, an' thin he l<>«,k.-.l thini through an' through.
An 1 thin he ask.-(l McManus to resign.
An' thin McManus sez, sea he: "Now. Tim. phai kin th' matu-r he 5
CH've always < 1< m«- me dooty to me u>l>;
It's no way ti» be tratein' me phat's been a Erind ay years t<> ye—
N«»w phat th' <lim! <!<> ye mane, begob?*'
Thin Murphy sez to him. sea he: It's nuthin" tbot ye've done;
But ( )i hove th' authoritee to foira any u an.
An' if < >i foire th' hinds ay me, nu- intmus can'l say. ye see,
Thot ( )i show parsh-she-alitee ea soon «.■/ Oi've began!"
Now thot's th 1 koind ay a man fer me —
I'hat don'l show parsh-she-alil
Wan toime we hod a fata! wreck on Si> tioti Twinty-two
The local chanst to be a little late,
An' she wor ketchin' up her tonne -whin ketchin' up slu- Qew —
She purty soon ketched u\^ to Number Eight.
An' thm' th' Owld Man comes aroun'. an' rasa dus up an* cusaed tv
Which makes us hump to clear up all th' wreck.
Hi to Murphy: "D'ye see thot whin rear-ind collshuns !«_•
Th' lashl car always k' ks 1{ in tu ' neck."
Thin Murphy sea to him. sea he: "Oi think <>i kin expi
A divihsh simple remedy <>« planned it wi<l me brain.
Whin ye make up ye'r trams, ye moind, an' gits th' in:m to be jined,
Just hitch th' lasht car on behind, thin taki an! "
Now, thot's th' koin<l ay a man i> be —
Ki^ht on th" shpot wid a new
Now whin wo ho<l th' big washout oi-. Sictioa Twinty-two,
An" we wor wurkin' hard to wash her in,
Which job, ea anywan could se< »re than we could do,
'Cause begob, we only hod a dozen mm.
Hut Murp' he "Well :.\ her ■•• three;
Th' honor ,r. th' m> ti n '-.■■'. "
"It can'l be done, begob." \'.\- . mm.
Th' job's ' - i undertake."
Thin Murph) ■ I him, sea h<- "<h t.i; I
Well gil her i
We'll to w ".rk an' hour, me lad.
Well wurk .i)\' wurk like we wor mad I
Now thot's th koind ay a man : I
N" problem i^ too !>ii; fer hi
Vis, thot's th 1 koiml ay a man h«- i *
A', always after plannin' somethi
A brillyani Sure, Oi'm git tin' hoarse; ad:
■ Mrs,"
11. :■■■ :•■ th' boss I.- intv-1
By W. J. Clifford
MR QUICK had been in the drawing
room waiting for Miss Van Tassel
to come down, but when she entered
Mr. Quick was not there. Mi^s Van
Ta el's brother was there, however, and
to him she looked for an explanation of
the young man's disappears
"Buster, wasn't Mr. Quick here a little
while ag< >?"
"Yes "
"Didn'l he s.iv anything when he left
aboul being back in a few mm
"No; he didn'l say a word," answered
the sphinx like youth. " 11< jusi put on
his hat and ww i nt i nit
"Did he seem cross or say anything
about my being so long in coming down ?"
"No. hut 1 think be forgot ln> two
" Men . f child, whal do you mean ? "
"Well, he hadn'l got 'em with him."
" I ladn'l :;• >1 « hal ! "
"Why, hi. two strings. Didn't 1 t. !1
"Now, look here, Buster. I want you
to tell me what you mea by those two
strings. Tell me every word thai you
saiil to Mr Quick, and what he s.iid to
you, and I'll see it I can make oui what
you mean. Wire you m t !n- room
when Mr. (Junk came in and asked
tor me?"
"Yes "
"Then what did he
"He said: 'ii
•Hello!" 1
"Yea W
" Then hi- said : ' Buster, >1
y> >ur -.l^ti-r'"
" And what did ti n> sai ? "
"I said N
"Oh you horrid boj! And •fa ii did
he sa\
« >ii. he jusi laughed Then 1 said:
"Ain't yon .
"Oh, he said '\V< U, p. rhaj I
"Then what . : I i
"Why, then 1 said 'Won t you lei me
s<-.- \ . >iir two stri
"Mercy!" she screamed "The two
strings again! What ■ : do j
' That's what Mr Qui k ask,-.!
as ii be didn't know- .<
them "
"Well, p> on. TeU me what ha]
"Why, then I said I heard you tell
mother you had two strings to your
bow, and then he got up and weni
I expect he'd forgotten to bring the
js wil h him
Bui she had I ii
THE spring poet, as well as the nmer
1 poet, the autumn poet and t!. inter
poet — all the same man — sat in the turn
or the editor of "The Sunny Smile," "my,
an audience with that august per- i At'
length the editor looked up with a" W I can
1 do for you'" air.
"The poem I submitted last week- id
the poet.
The editor took the m <r:uscript •"»> •; a
pigeonhole in his desk and handed it to •>
author. Saying "I am very >■ r.v. my .
sir. that your contributioa is not ewctlv *
suited to the need> of The Sunny Smile'
Its declination.' he continued, unconsc-.. ■ :
adopting the language ol '::: - ■■ • :>.
"must not be undent ■ : ..-, implying :v
lack of merit In fact." and here the <- r
again became the man. "while the poet
not available for our use I '- '
would accept it. He wouldn't : . . h,
to be sure but — "
"Anything will he acceptable.'
poet; '" unfortunately n;y ::.-. ■
starvation and needs bread. V.
name of the man"
"I do not know his name ' ■'
"All I know is that be ■ - '■•
week to take away our I
* * -.
Some writen allege that
usually cheerful, while :■
usually gjrwny, and su^pi.:. ■; :
for these characteristics wer ■•
in reply to imjuines, the deal B
"When anyone speaks to me. 1 .-.■.
of my infirmity." *
The blind man said "Ass... n BU] pel n
speaks to me. I fuiMl mv misr'urtune "
* * *■
Yes. BSUm; everything."
"And wash 3 "
'V' - ::-.•.:::>.
"I! .v many nights out do you w..r.*'"
■ \
' :i \\ oftea w3l you scrub the kitchen 5 "
"Twice ■ •■
" \v. . ■ ■ ■■■•■•'
" p..i.M a fresh tire every mornmg?"

" N... mußi
How long wen j •.: ■■ vt last ]
" V ur \ • -
" Wh-.
'• T' • ■•■ ■ ' '
■• f i a • ■ . want ' '
"Eight ■
" When i ■
" T ry. t a
Just ■ per from t ■
rushed vn shouting "<• • •
bound her band an ■
" lie".- ol I mas! H w n't seen
>'. n^s age I he..r you have marrn
■ ■ (Tm! fThal j
dowa J "
■" Why, es bee tne doi ■
"No. It- a ■ • .
wild most ol the time
1i small James. ■r» ■
breath and wi< toe ci
bul-mv:. rushed ' ■ Urn ■
lecture an.l threw htmsdl ujxm his
"Oh. mother, be cried. rind aS3
quick, and hade the
"Why, fames?" demanded astoni
BelL ' a';..t in the woi ■ matte)
'Hide her quick." pasted James
man thai talked to-day » era
hei Be boards n ! r. and just :» ?
a I beard mm saj ' 1 mfc- I •
bfc to eradicating the crying evil.' I c
iuear.t oa baby
* * *
"So he no kmge* calb his pretty Btt
'The Nutshell*? Why hd he cbanj
■ ii. got tired having pasting ' ■ ;
ring his bell to ask it the kernel was in '
> «
T! 1 ! '■ rist had returned from >^
•■ Yes." they said to the "sta'. -
who had trudged down to the depot I ■' £
them, "we went ar> ••>;■: a great deal ■- the 1
fan "
"In an auto I sin-'-ose "
"( »h. no in a Pei i a Wheel "
"All aboard:" s'v .uted the COiduct •■-;-'

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