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JAMES MONTGOMERY FLAGG
In Words and Pictures I Should Say So!! CARI? ATI RE o? THE ?ilTHOR \N|? lETIST ET Hi.MSELr. "COME LIVE WITH ME AND BE MY COOK" . #/**ET *L1 t I csn bag s cook and bi ??? I ? , day. at that!" * "(,., to it. Billy," snnied Polly, punch snother pillow in the solar plexus ehind her a* she settled herself "Smile on, woman, but I mean it. It'? BonSBI '"' isn't .?ucii an anima'.." "I ditin't say 10 ; I said 1 hadn't found one yet!" "You've beei. at ' for eight days, and we are ..,?1 eating ? - that Great Auk -, ? to us. 1 have said nothing." "Nothing!" snort- Friend Consult on the lounge. "Yob havi made a noise like an out! hut*!'*' ? mea!!" "\. ,. ' .,* it isn't, the time ha* come action. ? can no longer stand having burnt suspender I lied fried potatoes, nor yet can 1 degree of pleasure cut into an India:. ' ' lied with concrete becau i broken a bottle of Burnett' nila extract over its bow and murmured: l tipple Pi?!' The erov/ning piece of wat *': deception wa* this morning, wheni. ?ting and fatuous innocence, thought ..d sent in sonn- brand new chamois pen it te riss ami lay them on the <!? You refer to the griddle cakes' I . verily. ? ' This ends to-day ' d lay at your f? ? lar i"-,-.' Adio ' " one had to hi-. - Fourth av. and look up i . ? ? a long dran n up .:t the curb. the ? . were all looking anx ? ? ? - liona of ? h? ae cl a jfT? ? ? ? ? ? ? employ ei had told I lit within ' ?? im? mediately. is a ? - . than he nad imagined lepa with a i f well ?imulati . confidence ,.n?l entered. Arn-.ml the wall- abby-gentcel offici sat humble Wer ?? adi? - back? o coi - anaced by th< power?, of Europe. Th"j ? well back in their chair.*, ho! i .'i !"i protection, foreign powers sat well forward, catechising end examining th"ir potential mispresses. While waiting ti be noticed Billy stood fasei ated, Hatching to scraps of interviews from ail along the line, "Well, sir!" A foreign gentleman with a re markabiv square head, sitting at a desk. a?l iii, ?,-ed him. "I wants get a a let's see" I'.il'y could hardly tear hit eyes away from ana corner of the office where a rangy brute of a Norwegian laundre.?s was giving a timid little lady from The Bronx a bad live minutes. "Yes. -ii ! " "tsh. yes, I am looking for a what d'y' cal! 'em cook! ' "What Wages will you pay, sir?" "Til;..-"'.?' dollars. And I want a damn ?reed cook, at that! " "You can't expeet a fust class cook, of coursi. for tho.-e wages. Still. I think I have what you want," Sajiara Head Ludwig disappears behimi a partition. "Young and good-looking!" Billy y el'- after him. .*-. H. Ludwig re-enters, leading an Awful Retro spect isi with him, "What's tin* ."' a-ks Billy. * a nice young Danish cook!" "She nay I"' Danish, but I categorically ?leiiy that he i< either slice or young, and 1 doubt her cookjng. Taki' it back." Billy waves his hand. - II. Ludwig raise? his wooden eyebrows ami ??turn? to the tien with the nice young thing from Denmark. Billy can hear him arguing ve tlj on the other side of the partition with n female. He catches such phra-i h l in the family," and "Nice, ea-y" some ether himself or his wifa Billy doean'l l.'.-.i.'.i Lud? ;? with another Terribfe Blight, with a oiii tache no sophomore would need to ensuive about and circular earrings like .-all? er- are supposed to wear, which ha'.a almost 1 themselves away through her ears. "I sm not engaging a company to play 'Mac i I would take her for one of the Witches of E'kIo* Where i- the young Norwegian girl .,, , ? .boo! graduate that you advert i.-en" Billy i- getting a bit peeved. "lii.s ia it." smiles S. H. Ludwig, but waves back. iBIly pray* for self-control. "You 'nave the nerve to call that a young girll That "mu.' ? grandmother when Charlemagne wai in 'prep' school. Good morn "H. L'.ohiv. i": \ ?Uli Hi.KMii IMILES Mi: MMloii. r ?HATS MISS VEBA i il*-\L\ ??? W i mi. u in I LR <? VRDI.N." "HE IS SHOWN \ SIMM. All. SI/I.S V.SD \I.KS." i tig!" Billy na ne "i' ' :' the place ami hunts u snathes one aid enter-. He .- ihown a string ?> coo'-.- of al! sises .?ml .. ii the firs) plac an?! begins to have a nightmarish sort of feel nig that he v ill have to oi at less! in all ?le ceiiey ought to marry one of them. He feel s little ?un,. w;th this parade of all the ns tin! going o! , "tor the leva of entrees, bring in somethini that was bon. since Aaron Hurr shot Hamiltor w. .labie! These Banahee harems are gettini on my gianglienic nerve!" Still -mother great-aunl of a viking is yanked before him. By tin? time Billy feel- 'hat he is going daffy and decides to give in to the sensation weakly. lie glare at tin- ancient ?live wrestler. "So. my v??ung Swedish flapper. Let's sea youi references." ? She fumble* in a bag and ?i-lics out several dirty letter. . "Yea, ye?: but where is your reference from Augustus Car ar'a wifa recommending your ren? dition of Roman Punch?" Ludwig brings m snothei with s triumphant smile. "There!" exclaims Billy. "This is something like! Why have you been In.hng this Scandina? vian Venus from tue all this time?" Venn? gig glei and looks down at her feet. "Can yo.i eoma fight along with me now ?" Billy grins deliglu? ?lly. "How many in fan.'ly "" asks Venu-. ???ib, just two myself, my wife ami myself," Billy, "??une .ti." "Do I have to wash?" "Well, reslly. I shall ICSVC ti.at to your bet? ter end higher nature." Ludwig interprets. "Shi mesni ,ii" - the have t.. d<> any of the wishing?" "Oh. e\cu*<' me' I didn't quite get you. Mo! every thing of ours is sent out to the laundry - coma speed! " "Do you hav? much eompenj Hilly i'i beginning t?> realize that there .,1 her ?i?le to acquiring a ?.i. "Come ?.ver here and *it ?low n and pour your little heart out to im " So he ?in! VenUl lil down. Hilly looking an\ loii ly at Venn "Now, ?lo w? have much company? Never' I ? company! Wa never have an outsider m the placet" "That's too bad. I like to have company. I lib? to .link foi dinner partie- " Bill, wilts ami ?attars to biasaalft "Can you hat! I ??ml?) have *'.v.,rn I was saying the right thing,! " "What I nieanl to -ay .va that WB BIS a I way ? giving dinner nartie-. I thought you meant MSB pany, you know joal itrangers efl tha atroe|I" "|io I have a room vvi?!i another girl?" "No eprtainly not; yes lu???' a room all t?. yourself!" (There, I knew that'.? right; all maul hi,, reams to Ihem ?: * I not Ilk thai. I bans lorn ly." Suffering crumpets! Couldn't In-have gu? ? "How m my in the kitehen "" "Well, that depends; sometimes there are any? where from three t>? ten. I've seen nine in there at once myself, including the night watchman, I .;t" "How man** lervonts?" "'?h, iu.st two yourself and a wait re??." ?-.lu?: one. I not tske the place!" She bounc? u|i and retiree. The ones that anawer correctly and have no objection to anything at all are, of course, the ones he wouldn't conaidor at all. As he ?ail to the mahout: "As the cook will have to wail en the ?able twice every other week, she has to be able to pass thingl without stick? ing her stomach at you :tt the same time, if you know what I mean." By thit tune the afternoon sun m itepping ?ver the Palisades and H.?v ha? had no lunch. He has been to every ignorance parlor ou Fourth Avenue, and he feel S as if he had been ICCing Europe. There are no more took? to we In the la?t place iie entered all they could dig up was ? general-housework girl, who refused to come with him because he said to her: "I ees ??ou're Fin? nish!" So when worn out and with a rotten headaih?* he let himself into his home about ?> o'clock et course Polly ?a waiting for him with a peculiar smile a smile that combine?! affectionate ?h with a sort of motherly pity. "Well?" "B ell what, dear?" ?Where's the cook ?" "What cook?" "The one you were going '?? lo) .?' m v Billy dear?" "Be sweet to me. kid." ? ..?,. ? ml.'. 1 *'i i m i Money make.; tii" mai go, but at the roe ? .i way aba - Hone) worries eause . - per cent ?if the vorld'e ii ar it] . THIS Im IT. SMILED S II. LUDWIG.