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( tRICATURI OF i m m ihok and artist BT himself.
GOING A WA Y PROM HERE
IS NOT SUCH A CINCH
NIATTER where you happoti to be.
ther It's in South Berwick, in New
or in jail, there comes the time
? ?r when you want to go some?
you had hardly put the heavy
gh?td, "Gee, don't those curtains
and warm!" when it's time to
remark, "Wow !
It'? a r -7uins down and
is aa uni of popping out
-ddenly from behind a snow-laden tree
.r coat Bnd all!
It would be less disconcerting if she would
::t,% the news gently with a telegram a few
iheed Still she is a * - [f this was
t cox'.c ?pen it would be the cue for son'
? inner, you're a huss\
w( love 'he same!"
ur wife always has more eense than
you have* Sh? plans weeks ahead for what she
laya ahe 7 teds for the summer vacation
?'?' KNOW Nil WHITE TRO! M I;- RAVE
HUN to mi < I BAN1
ternoon in March and
< r new bathing suit. She
Proceeds to ? to you with a wa'chful
?' expression oui of the corner of her cute
And from whal
*ou f ' n that her suit will <
m the front row of the
'*' larea that ah? will <
-ind it and that if it was going to be some
other woman's suit you would think It was a
beautiful thing! Of course you have to lick the
I and take it all back and say a lot of
wuBsjMvuaay things But why do you spoil it ail
by adding, "But, I hope you won't catch cold!"
Weeki and weeks ahead she buys up all the
things she is sure to need. She buys miles
corset laces. Enough collo?
dion to put an entirely new skin on a very large
mam- ?tamus-and enough left over to
.-(decorate one of her children. Enough cold
cream to keep eieren theatrical troupei nicely
'"or two or tl ree yean. She gets million! of
?tickings, shoes enough for the entire graduating
class at Wellesley and about ninety "little simple
useful hats- you know, the kind that shade your
eyes'" She ?ays they are "sport" hats. Ferhapa
she is going to play tennis, golf, football, baie
ball, polo, jai alai, lacrosse, hare and hounds,
cricket, puss-in-the-corner, mumblety-peg, soccer
and tag! And then on the other hand she mij
down to the beach twice all summer!
Then she gets some petticoats- sure, they wear
them! But she is very particular this aeason to
? d "you can't see through"?thus spoil
,e of the summer amusements. Do you re
member last summer sometimes ah"it sunset
when a chorus of voices would rise, "For heaven's
sake, Kleanor, get back into the shade!"
When it comes to your own preparations you
till about three hours before leaving to
scrabble around in chests and closets, pulling out
summer shirts and wrinkled white trousers and
raw hat that looks in color like the yolk of
irthy egg. You guess they'll do. You know
lave been to the cleaner's
try to sit down in them the.?
pull your collar down in the back till you gag.
there arc your rubber-soled shoes. You
up \*?ur mind whether they will last
or not. You decide to risk it, and the first time
you put them on they split all the way across the
tep on a sharp pebble and feel a-*
BU were having a tooth pulled.
There are always dozens of funny looking win?
ter shirts that you have collected for years-. These
you parcel out among the darky liftgarvonF
I here is always a needy derelict that you give
?ach year. It just happens that when
ire t;red of a certain summer suit of the
thickness of mosquito netting this worthy per-*on
- -.. it when the icy blasts of winter start
blasting; and, on the other han*T, it is withering
ly hot in the early summer when you are ready
peculiarly thick suit that you have
-. saving for Just this occasion.
give him some extra heavy underclothes in
the most cold-blooded explorer could be
James Montgomery Flagg
Words and Pictures
I Should Say So!!
more than overheated at the suburbs of the
North Pole, even if h? east aside his bearskin
cutaway and pants! So when you pass your bene
fklery in the stifling street, ?lolled up in your
things, he hows to you he can't trusi himself to
speak-he bows to you gratefully but reproach
fully, and you can see he is trying heroically to
keep the expression of blood lust out of his eye?
aa the perspiration rolls like a cascade down hil
Julian Street, F. It. <i. S., the well known trav?
eller anil nifty dresser, gives hi-aps of clothes
away each spring, and he makes it a rule to cut
out all tailor's labels and his own initials before?
hand. A feeling of delicacy prompted this pre?
caution, because last winter, during the blizzard,
a man was found drowned in the North Rivet
with a straw hat on. The initial- in the hat wen?
",I S" Whether the man committed suicide on
account of the straw bat or not i-< not known.
At any rate, Julian is rather Krtuitiv? about the
A Sunday is devoted to going over your bn?iks
in the library and sorting out the ones to give to
the Salvation Army. You may possibly have sev?
eral novels by writers who don't mind writing
about anything that com??* into their heads. You
naturally hesitate about having these distributed
in the fever wards of hoipitali, and finally decide
to -??-nd them to some maiden aunts of jours who
don't get about much.
The time inevitably arrives when the rook and
the young person who forgets to put the napkins
on have to "be told."
Wife has put off the telling as long as she
could She may have been nursing a prepos?
terous fancy that perhaps these peeresses would
come to her of their own accord, get down on
tleir knees and humbly kiss the hem <?f her tango
skirt and murmur: "Oh. Commander of the
sound like railroad circular Stuff, that your wife
hi a/en!', gives them. She wears a smile that
Challenges defeat. The two totem poles :,ay they
will "t'tnk it over" You wait for the outcome in
the dining room, ostensibly examining a dont in a
lilwei cho.-olatc pot. Your wife returns.
"W ill they go with us""
?'I don't know. They want to think It over."
The net' morning the young person who forgets
to put egg spoons on pauses on her way back to
"Ay go' telegram las' ni'. My fadder us dsmg.
Af go t ' ri-tiania \'en?dny."
Your vile goes cyJt to the kMchen after break
"Good n timing, Geska," she greota the cook
with a qiH'.- tioMi g smile
"Good morning, Ay got telegtam Ins' ni'. My
fatltler i-i 'lying. Ay go"
"To < hritiania, of course" your wife snaps all
caution to the discard
"No, re;.darn. To Stockholm."
So f.u ,. bad
The Ural fly enters arm In arm ?with the first
moth, laughingly chatting over their annual In?
viiion of jroor home. The rugs are all up, even
m your bedroom, and It is bard to remember to
put on yo?:r bath slippers -till a tack gits you.
(Jalees ><-u send your palm to the florist, when
vu r? : .ii n it resembles a duit-covered backbone
of S shade. It you do intrust it to the smiling
.iiul eptimiitie florist he tella you in the fall it
died ?ring ammer. But they have
'.ful palms you might like. Then you
?ur own palm back again.
If von don't happen to own a shack out in the
country, yon write to various resorts for terms
lust a? ;, i fl have settled on a seemingly i?
apot, vil mention where you aro going to a
?At GOT TELEGRAM IAS' M\ MY FADDER ISS DYING. AY GO CHRISTIANIA FENSDAT."
Faithful! We know you are flitting to the sea.
and us girls would e'en flit with you whither
thou flittcst thither flit we!" She abandons that
dream a*, the time for calling up the baggage man
and be ging him not to forget She enters the
She assumes an "I am-your-devoted-nnstress"
expression and breaks the n?W?, They listen In
granite silence to the alluring descriptions, that
friend, '.'he friend says: "East Bunquit! For
the lov-? of 'izor.e, don't go there! I tried to
spend _ snmnicr there once, we were eaten alive
I mosquitoes and greenhead flies! And the
eemetsry I? Just outside the dining room wm
What to do? You hunt up another n'ace
rh.e ground beforehand. Perhaps
_ 1 "le cottage would be nice. After changing
BUMMER HAS AN UNMAIDDfGLI IFA. OF PO PPTNG OUT tT TOU BUDDENL. FROM H
HIND A SNOW LADEN TREE, HUGGING TOI ni:<'i\i \nh mi
? ?at- three ''mes in eight hours vom arri*
affectionate agen* me? ? a buckboar
;.ou drive through the woo i ?to a silent
collection ot boarded-tip cotti ion 1 ll that
no normal mind is large enough to conl ?in the
army of misgivings that II - -.ours.
His key will not unlock the cottage
-how you. You wait on the s'en? of the |
rty minute? wh'ic he . Iriver.
When he returns smiling you
- I will have time to loot
?tells you not to be silly. 1
yanks up a shade.
"What's this ' ?sk.
"This is the dining room."
"How stupid of me." jrou reply, "not to havo
guessed ?that pair of sneaker-- with the bubonic
plague on the ?able and all these dead buv
flies on the floor?and those empty !.. :
and the mOBSe] shells -why any tyro in
orating could tell at a gla ras the
"And here is the kitchen!" co:
your aarcaam leaving him clammy.
"I thought this was a furnished eottl
"It is, ma'am," smiles the old a.
- -Tly picks up a rusty and gi
thla Chippendale I
nothing elee to cook with!"
much jes' for the summer month
W .- thank tue Lord E
iroprriih?. nil. 00a
II i.ihm. THE RKII I8fl FLE1
A?k "Jack" what he thinks of the fc
and he will probably say, "It's nothing to about
about," at the sa Imitting that if ye
hungry it's not "bnd tack." I!
Adams," a name which is IU| |
rate the awful fate *?f an <
who was once tempted to try a ration | t'roni A
ict, while the pickled pork hails from B
And it cannot
the authorities believe in having an inexha I
supply in stock. The consequence la that a'
there is a seven years' supply of < ??
? quantity at Gibraltar.
..?Hing yards are the
I ??ifnx, Bermuda,
rhi?, with rum, i
FOLLOWING THE WAR IN RHYME AM? PICTURE
VERSES BY A. R. FERGl'SSON.
THURSDAY. NOVEMBER 1?.
The Russian fleet off Anatolia
home lead upon the Goehen spills,
S?en Hedin sa>s that melanchoia
Is least of all the Kaisers ills.
Says Russia's Empress, "Pole and linn
And Jew arc Russians till me win!"
Whene'er the Kaiser looms in sight
Ihr i.eriiians multiply their fire.
Ihey'll get to England's shore by flight ?
A fleet, they say, they won't require.
I o Tommy Atkins It'e a grief
I hat he must eat Chicago beet
Some twenty thousand refugees
We daily pouring into Brussels.
They'll either starve to death or freeze
Unless J. Rockefeller hustles.
I lie Knglish won't export their tea,
l.est it should ?trengthen German>.
( anadians are not allowed
To read New York's pro-German papers;
Vnd K?\pt'r-> suzerain has vowed
He ? fini-hed cutting English capers.
Mure ships and men Okuma asks
In help Japan attack her tasks.
I i\e massed attacks the Germans fling
Where Joffre defends Lorraine's frontier
The waiting Gsllic rsnnon sing.
And dead are scattered far and near.
The Kaiser pri>s that Heaven's hand
May still uphold the I atherland.
The shots at Decker's launch were aimed.
It seems, to warn it, not to rout it;
But Decker -a>s it was a blamed
I nfriendlv way to go about it.
Ihere're seten million men at leaat
Engaged in battle in the east.
If Russian Jews would dodge a shock
In Turkey, there's a way to shun it.
By getting naturalized en bloc.
Five thousanil have already done il.
There's now a desolated spare
Where once was Ypres's market place.
\ on Hindenhurg is forty miles
From Warsaw with his German wedge.
\nd though at Turkey Wilson smiles.
'Tis clear she puts his nerves on edge.
For Decker's told and so is Oman,
"In saving Yankees, > ield to no man'
Before the British arms the Turk
I? fleeing up the Tigris KHer;
\nd Poland N'icholaa'a work
From hostile hands should ??Ton deiner
lor every enemy who's dead
The nation" spend hia weight in lead
Some Englishmen prefer the field
Of football to the held of glor> ;
DRAWINGS ST JOHN AD\MS GRAERER.
\nd Switzerland a sword will wield,
If Germans cross her territory.
Bavarians find lots of cheer
In French champagne and Belgian beer
On Saturday the Slock Exchange
Mill open?a propitious omen
I he Portuguese at last arrange
To help the Allies lick their foemen.
And Harvard's gift tu those that strive
I- Williamson, of 'naughty -?*e.
Rerun's defence in Pru?-i?ia break?;
Tea Hindenburg has come a cropper
\nd Wilhelm, lacking metal, lakes
From locomotives brass and copper,
'alais, the Kaiser tells bis men,
Must fall before December 10.
The Rntlsn fleet the Belgian coast
Of every German cannon cleans.
It wrecks, at Wllhelm's naval po?i.
\ half a dozen submarines.
The Britons welcome with a "Hip,
Hooray!-' the Yankee ( hristmas eluji
The ever watchful Cossacks catch
Some fleeinr (iermans in a mire.
\ score of heavy guns they snatch.
And hundreds die beneath their fire.
The French artillery besets
A town a doien miles from Met?.