New-York tribune. [volume], January 04, 1920, Page 6, Image 56

About New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924

Image provided by: Library of Congress, Washington, DC

                
AMONG US
MORTALS
The Dinner'to the
Visiting Celebrity
By W. E. HILL
(Copyright, 1920, New York Tribune Inc.)
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The farthest-off table in the room, which is somewhat akin to the hearts table at a
bridge party. Unfortunates whom the members of the committee look upon as the
dregs of humanity are herded at this table. If there is a window directly behind it
is sure to be opened at regular intervals (a blizzard may be raging without, but
that doesn't matter), so that the speakers' table at the opposite end of the room
may be properly aired. Mr. Stopper, second from the left (seated), is particularly
to be pitied. Being right in the teeth of the gale, his hair is being all blown the
wrong way and the bald spot is exposed to view.
Mr. and Mrs. Battle
simply hate all celebri?
ties and have adopted
this attitude as a sort
of class conscious pose.
It all dates back to the
time some celeb or other
forgot to keep an ap
ejintment with Mrs.
attle. In fact, both.
Mrs. Battle and hue-,
band Fred will go out
of their way to go to
places where they may
nave the pleasure of
saying "No, thank you "
to would-be introducers
?which is just what
they have done here.
1 _ 1
The principal speaker of the evening
being unable to attend, Mr. Noah
Wazzle (who wrote that really
splendid little nature story for chil?
dren called "Caddy Caterpillar's
House Party" some years ago) has
proved an able substitute. Mr.
Wazzle has been going strong for
twenty-seven minutes.
i:^r.
"My dear! You don't mean to say that is-! Oh, I
am so disappointed?why, he's common looking!" Mrs.
Clapper is always being disillusioned about some one
or something. There was the Prince of Wales?every
one said he had a perfectly devastating smile?and he
didn't smile at all when he looked her way!
The lady with the
carrying voice,
who stage-whispers
during a long
speech that she's
going to avoid the
rush and start to
get her wraps,
makes all the
ladies near b y
wonder if they can
beat her to it.
Two d?butantes from the
outlying districts about to
be introduced, not to the
celebrity, but to a gentle?
man reputed to be worth
thirty millions ? or maybe
it's three millions, Mrs.
Klawson' isn't quite sure.
Somebody's guest, who feels it is up to
him to be clever and scintillating every
moment and drop epigrams all over the
place. If somebody would only ask him
some little question about the flour and
feed business in Minneapolis!
"Oh, I do think it must be such a
joy to be able to write. How do you
ever think enough things to write
down? Isn't it awfully hard keeping
original? Isn't it?" Just some more
of the same old bunk.
I "" '?"- ?
Mr. Doolittle, drama expert, telling the
diners all the things that are at present
the matter with the drama. According
to Mr. D., the fault lies not so much
with the individual as with the com?
munity?in fact, it is the community as
a whole and the drama as a unit, etc.
?
I
?__a. ?
The wife of the guest of honor, who is making
a superhuman effort not to commit murder
when the seventh person inquires pleasantly
as to how it feels to be the wife of a genius.
The speakers' table, showing the guest of honor playing with the salt, surrounded by two lady authors and one Mr. Bunkum, who is giving an address
of welcome and incidentally explaining the g. of h.'s latest literary output. The g. of h. Is learning things he never knew before about his books.