The sun. [volume], April 28, 1912, FOURTH SECTION MAGAZINE, Page 2, Image 42

About The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916

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THE SUN, SUNDAY, AlPRIL 28, 1912.
141
IS COURTESY
Complaints of Rudeness at the Telephone and From People
You Meet in Business or the Streets A Society for
the Propagation of Plain Politeness Declared to Be a
Growing Present Day Need
"I
'M t hinking of starting a society for
the propagation of plain polite
new," wild n lawyer who was born
nnd bred In Now York nnd has lecn
practising hero for fifteen years. "I'll bet
more thnn I over earned or over hope to
earn that If I could got my society started
It would do riioio to facilitate business
than tho effort' of nil tho so-called Indus
trial experts put together.
"I'm not down on llio experts, either.
They're doing wonders. Hut If you want
lo got. a shock just nmilyw your own
oiperienoo and see how much of your
m
time and, worse still, your energy and
spirit are wasted just bucking against
the unnecessary disagrocablo things of
everyday llfo.
"If you were running u lot of compli
cated machinery you would lubricate it
with oil, wouldn't you? You wouldn't
use sand or brass filings or tucks, would
you? But that's about what is done here
In New York in running tho complicated
machinery of dally llfo.
"Kvorybody Is concerned in this ma
chinery. But how many folks put a llttlo
politeness In to make It go smoothly?
On the other hand, how many are Inter
fering by a thousand little and big acts
that Irritate and discourage and dis
gruntle everybody concernod? Why,
hero's an example right In my morning's
work.
"I had occasion an hour ago to tele
phone a man in connootlon with a case
I am preparing. The girl at central took
the number civilly nnd promptly. I'll
make her an honorary member of my
Hociety. Thoy'ro not all liko her but
never mind ubout that,
"In tho courso of time I heard over the
wire nn inarticulate grant which proved
to lio soirio sort of voenl oxorclso on tho
part of the office boy of the man I wanted.
I ii.-l;el for tho man.
. "'Who's talkiu'?' demanded the boy.
"I save ray namo.
' Vha' Jo want to speak about?'
Well thero were several things I felt
n burning desire to speak about at that
minute, but I controlled myself nnd in
t. mated that I had business with the em-
ilorer of this nlensant youth. I was told .
. 'lift .rii .....i t. ,i
hVrdm other gru. t. Th s was",
the office boy kind, but tho managerial
fnrMd ,1,CUtrlnf
wyi g quite plainly.
I m a great big wonderful, howling
piiuwcki u on luMivi.iiiai, i nui. ahu ii
you want to do business with Mo you'll
have to look lively nnd now whnt do you
want.'
"That makes you feel renl pleasant by
way of a starter. But 1 asked my question
nnd got another grunt by way of answer
1 couldn't make nut mote than a word or
nro. so 1 asked again This time h"
snapped bae'f at me that ho bail answered
tll.lt quest inn nneo hereupon I re
marked with niv last gasp of politeness
that I hadn't e.iulit Ins reply
Old li rcp''.it it mti Ihttiblv? Not on
your life! He lo.ired it ill! I the iioni
so that tlie receiver fulrly duueed,
"Well, to make a long and painful atory
short, we ended by cordially cussing eaoh
other at great length nnd I slammed tho
phone i nek on tho hook after wanting
flf teen minutes of t Imo nnd enoiish energy
to havo done half n day's plain work.
Plain, common courtesy would havo
mado that little business transaction go
off amoothly In leas time than 1 wanted
over It nnd both of uh would hnve been
In good humor for tho next thing that
came along.
Chips on Their Shoulders.
They talk about the high price of
lumber. Why, If tho chips that Now
Yorkers carry around on their shoulders
wero tho real artlclo they couldn't cut
off tho forests fast enough to keep up the
supply. 1 spoko Just now of common
courtesy. Common! We'll havo to
chnngc that name. Courtesy Is getting
to bo tho ran-st quality there Is in men
or women either. If things keep on this
way (Kjliteness will bo ns uncommon In
Now York crowds as flowers blossoming
on New York pavements.
"Perhaps that Is pretty strong. I'm
still In a slamming humor. But hon
estly I am surprised by tho number of
men that seem to havo no idea of living
up to tho standards of ordinary good
breeding. A stranger comes Into my
office, for instance, and does not sen tit
to remove his hat. Probably he Is dressed
by a good tailor and tho hat to which
he clings so persistently may corno from
one of the best places. But by that one
little omission he labels himself, nnd my
attitude toward him is influenced In spite
of mo.
".Some people would say that's n mighty
small mailer, ur course It is, it s a
grain of sand Instead of a drop of oil
In tho machinery of everyday llfo. Tak
ing off ono's hut la one of the things that
havo made up what wo call common
courtesy; and I don't caro who or whnt
the man is. ho can't help running a llttlo
more smoothly, other things being otpm!,
when ho meets with polito treatment: i
tho unobtrusive, instinctive politeness
Uhlchisorusodtobensnaturnliis breath-
Ing to n well bred man. Seriously , cour-
tosv is on the wnno in vw V.irU nn,l
' wo nio navinc n cood rouiitl tir!i fnr
1 "oin wl,h"l,t
' t , i n- ,
. ' " 7 J'
' Plenty of other people seem ready
to Join in n chorus Imwnlling the tendency
relerred to y the lawyer. .Men nro not
so teady to talk of it. partly beeaus.. they
llll Hot, nnalJVH tlimr llllprehSHHIS ns
women do. 'I hey don't have time tor it
They accept n rough and ready existence
more or l"ss ivirel-nlv. A good many
of them even like a low.
Oii" inun told ol Ins p.irMifr who, after
having a verbal light with home on..
in Hi. morning, always felt ns lively ns a
K.tiiii'i'ui'k ilm
lest of tile dav I'm
fnituuattly Hi"
dillfleill stll(T
in for th" light
1 i.it tner was in-.. In ol
II" generally had lo Ii"
hough anil he ilt-rlared
Mllll ll IIUCIII"-. !!) y u is u r- liu'iu
half what it would huso bu.u if uu had
REALLY WANING IN NEW
been associated with a man of good
breeding and klndllneM.
Other men besides the lawyer above
'I noted made the point that a great deal
of the rudeness complained of to puzzling
becaumi It Ik poor business. One man
said that If a telephone attachment could
bo invented by which a man at one end
of tho wiro could knock down a man
at the other end there would be a reform
In one direction nnyway.
"A cowardly boor take advantage
of the fact that you can't reach him,"
this man declared. "I wish I knew Just
Mara
mm
mm
'0&STR UCT10SS&,
I
j
, i
whnt the wear and tear Is on telephone i
that nro slammed on tho hooks, because '
ii... f . . 1 . 1 . , r . . (
" " um, u
can veni, wiemseivcs. ii i couiu iiuvu in
a bunch before mo tho smart offlco boj
"""' '" i""."
the telephone I'd bo a regular Herod and
order them slaughtered without a pang
of remorse.
"And then there's the box offlre boor,
no's another man that takes advantage
of his Impregnable position. Does he
act as If ho was thero to serve the publio?
I know certain box offices in this town
that could Im recommended to rellovo tem
porarily at least the worst case of retarded
circulation that ever was. My blood
bolls every time I have to deal with the
fellow behind the window.
"'11m other day I heard a woman In
front of me stop a moment after she had
bought her tickets at a certain theatre
and say: 'I'd liko to thank you for your
courtesy and attention. Both aro so rare
nt bo offices that they are doubly appre
ciated when one does receive them.' I
I sow another woman at another window
tnkn up ID siio had laid down for three
seats nnd walk out after saying: 'You
seem to bo under the Impression that you
are conferring a favor in allowing mo
to buy seats here. You aro very much
mistaken. '
Courtesy Spells Success.
The same morning I was In a shoo store
' w,1,'n two wo'nen camo in. One or them
,ol(1 V(lr' rly Just what she wanted.
r,,'rk wi,h " supercilious air brought
her H pair of shoes which oven 1 could
' see were no, what sho had asked for.
I, 'T'1'11', 'Mu" a"ln
1 ?u ""T' "J'1 .V" "'T 'n 1
' Xlny ',n-
, ,, , UU manner became more
, offensive, At last she said: 'You do not
, K m,wiw. else.' Tim hw. "started
seem to
no for customers hero.
I will
. I..r ll,., ,!,., i,,,,l llw njil.umm rnmiirlir.,1
,,, perf.vtlv nudiblo lone: "Hint's right;
t uo ;,(. i you suppose tho women
will ever go into thnt store again? Not
i jr ,l(iy t MrPrIMt as an alter-
; native,"
woman who is earning her own living
1 nnd meets all kinds of neonle in the course
of her work bad un interesting mirv to
I ll
"I have the most surprising experi
ence,. " she nnd 'Courtesy isn't dead
in Nrw c,rk by any mean but it i un
cuuuuun enough to make it htaud out
V t'tr
THE"
HAT THAT
WOHT COME OFF
pretty conspicuously when you do en
counter it. I can generally tell the minute
I go into an office what kind of men are
at the head. The office boy is a pretty
good gauge of tho manager. If the
latter is a gentleman the whole atmos
phere shows it. If ho isn't you will tind
that his ill breeding has filtered down
through the whole force.
"It would seem curious If It wero not so
logical that almost Invariably one meets
with moro courtesy in tho big successful
places than in the others. The fact is
that courtesy makes for success more. I
firmly believe, than utmost any other one
factor in business. Nino out of tun per
sons will respond to polite treatment.
iThey will loosen up their pocketbooks,
'they will forgive mistakes, they will nd-
vertlso you, they will become your devoted
customer for llfo if you treat them with
consideration and respect
"Just take my own case. I sometimes
have to encounter men who haven't sense
enough or breeding enough to be polite
to me. Well, they probably think they
are playing tho big mogul to perfect ior.l
and I can see them taking satisfaction in
showing their power. But naturally I am
an enemy from that moment and while I
don't sit up nights thinking of n way
' to got even with them I generally am
presented by un all wise Providence with
an opportunity sooner or later. 1 am
only one of probably dozens of persons
who are in precisely tho same attitude
toward them. Tuke Us nil together, we
can do them a good many ill turns. And it
isn't In human nature to expect that wo
won't.
Jn the Streets and Shops.
-Thero are days when I don't seem to
meet with anything but gratuitous dis
courtesy from morning till night. Iuck
lly idotrt get it in my homo. hich happen
..., .n ., ,.' ...i '.,
where the
value of politeness is appreciated. It's
an example of what 1 Kiid about the
nttltudo of the management affecting tho
whole staff. Everybody about tho place
is at any rate courteous, and the con-r-equenco
Is tnnt all sorts of other things
aro forgiven and tho house i.s (Wed year
after year by tho same people.
"But I start out after breakfast feeling
good humored and nt peace with every
body! only to enter upon n series of irrita
tions, most of them small, but nil together
turning mo from a happy and friendly
person wishing tho whole, world well
Into a regular animated grouch.
"I try to take a car. The motorman
runs by about thirty feet and I think he
Wn't uoinc to stop at all. I hen I sen
that he has stopped, so I run after tho car.
Tho conductor with his eye upon mo
rings the boll to go ahead and exchanges
a pleasantry with two or three men on
tho platform apropos of my unavailing
sprint
"It Is suoh uncalled for, gratuitous
rudeness that I can't help being angry.
And whilo other experiences that come
later may not be quite so direct thy all
have their effect.
"I am pretty-expert at threading street
crowds, but I am constantly being jobtled
and held up by men who try lo pas in
front of me when it would bo juct as cniy
for them to pass behind me. Th other
day an elderly man drew back to let mo mako it u point after this to go to that
pass, and the experience was so unusual particular place, In fact I think I'll find
thnt I was tempted to stop and mako him out th" girl's namo and write to tho man
a littlo speech of appreciation. I ilid 'iger about her.
thank him, but that didn't seem adequate "Tim soda water counter, by the way,
I fur a courtesy which, shuht ns it is, has
. become uncommon in New ork (-treots,
"As for th women, words fail me.
I am not one of the is-ople ln talk about
woman inhumanity to woman
never seen muen oi mat. nut in ill"
thousand little w.ivs in which they could
show I'oiiilesy end cniisiilcnitinii to one
another I think thoy nie F"iS M-mllly
fiom had to v.ie.
"I lint" wilh a consuimng hulled to go
shopping, rot-h-ps ii m my Initios
training but 1 e.inrish th idea th ii lht
coin" should I o lit scrwd ll doe. n't
M.eiulol.it.i popul.'l notion Th iiuiiil'cr
of my ibter that dh up to a couulor
TH- BOX. OFFCG BFAR.
4s. S
,ok VOCrDt
and break right in ahead of the patient
waiting ones Is amazing.
"Sometimes they nr flatly snublcd
by tho young persons Milnd tho counter
and then 'my heart with rapture thrills.
I rellect greedily on this as un evidence
that at least tho saleswomen havo a dense
of justice Not at nil! The next time the
situation arises the intruder gets tho
attention of the girl behind tho counter
and I realize that unless I assert my rights
I may remain indefinitely among those
who only stand and wait. So I say
politely:
"'I log your pardon, 1 believe 1 was
here first.'
"Does It do any good' Mighty seldom.
Occasionally the woman really didn't
know sho was usurping any one's rights
and she asks my pardon and waits her
turn. Generally both she and the sales
girl give me a withering look und expect
me to shrivel. I appeal to tho floorwalker.
Ho thinks I am a crank and tho salesgirl
Is confirmed in her theory that tho woman
shopper's one thought Is to mako trouble.
Fifth Atenue Rudeness.
"As far as I am concerned it seems to
me I am pathetically eager to return cour
tesy for courtesy, I went in to get an ice
cream soda the other day and was served
by a girl who was so pleasant and polito
that I looked nt her in amazement nnd
whe she handed me tho glass I said:
'That looks liko very good soda, but if
it was quinine and vinegar I think I should
enjoy it beci'ise your courtesy is so raro
and so welcome.' Hlv laughed and I
laughed, and I'm sure both of us felt in
Iwtter spirits for tho littlo experience.
Ami how it does pay! hv, 1 shall
i the place to see whether women ore
.well bred or not Most of them havo
I no more Ide i of inking their turn if they
eiin gel ahead of Hume one else than they
I'wijhaui of treating the whole line. And
, tne way liiov neirav tueir lacK ol lireeding
la astonishing. They have children with
them, fir Instance, whom they admonish
continually to b careful not to drop imy -
thing on lh"lr owuelothes.whilethey ullow
.the- young liosfuls to llouri.ih spoon -
fuls of chocolate sod i over your raiment
without a wonl of i-iiutioii.
- don't know what is t the root of It
all, but I'm afi.iid l'ie trouble, goes right
lack to the home. Mothers and fathers
have grown careless about their own
manners and tho children that are growing
up aren't oven getting uny manners to
bo careless about. Tin acts of courtesy
I do meet are generally from older men
Half crown boy and girls aro about
as far along in that respect ns healthy
young bear cubs. I do lovo a lear cub
and I dollcht In boys and girls. But their
manners are very much alike.
"Take Fifth avenuo at tho promenade
hour, or any other hour for that matter.
These young folks parade up and down
with a sublimo disregard for any one
else's rights to even a modest fraction
of the sidewalk. I've been bunted aside
by young men and women of half my age
and received not a word or apology, noi
even a deprecatory glance. My father
would have stepped into the street if
necessary before he would have jostled
women aside as I see young men doing
every day.
"And it isn't because they are under the
necessity of doing it in order to meet some
important engagement. They aro simply
doing the avenue. They have all tho time
there is. Out there is one thing thoy
r9k
1
haven't, and that Is the faintest' glimmer
ing of what courtesy Is. The girls aro as
bad or worse,
"The worst thing about it is this. Tho
re.illy well bred man or woman doesn't
do these littlo courteous nets to show
off his or hor brooding; or oven, primarily,
for the sako of othor peoplo. Thoy do it
becauso thoy owo it to themselves. It
Isn't what somo one olse Is going to think
of you that makes you a gentleman. It is
what your own self-respect demands of
y.ou.
The Test of Little Things.
It Is probably true that there are mon
and women who moot big tests all right
nnd yot have no standards about small
things. They don't think thoy aro worth
making a fuss about. But when half
tho pleasure of everyday living is spoiled
by contempt for the small things it Is
about as big a consideration after all as
there Is."
"Is murtesv ilrlnp rait In V Vnrlr?"
auothor woman was asked.
"Oh," she said, "I don't know that It's
dying out. The troublo with New York
is that thousands of peoplo havo blown
In here from the four quarters of the globo
who have nover had any training in man
ners; at least not what you mean by m in-
A QUAINT DUTCH CUSTOM
Of the many quaint nnd curious cus
toms, traditions nnd privileges prevail
ing In Holland none In moro extraordi
nary than u ctrtuln privilege that has
been enjoyed by the boys of Amsterdam
for nearly thres hundred years.
At a fixed time each summer these
boys gather by the hundreds In tho
great square called the Dam, slttmtcd
In tho centre of tho city. Kach boy
has a drum slung over his shoulder.
Facing this square In the Stock I'Jx-
change, and, on the occasion In ques
tion, lust ns soon ns the day's bmlncsu
1 1
ocr, ns many of the tioyn as can
crowa into mo uiiiiuuig. Tliey pro-
, ceed to the lloor of the exchnnKc, where
pursuant to this odd custom they are
1 permitted In march about, singing nnd
IbeHling upon their drums.
' Tho origin of this custom, It Is said,
In as fnllowr:
one nfteinuon In the enr 1S"2 a
crowd of boys playing In the Dam lost
,. ball In the cunal that In thone days
ektrted one side of the square. One of
YORK?,
new
Courtesy Isn't dylnpfout with thra
t hasn't been bon, that's nil.
It just
People coma to Now ork ntid'mak.
a lot or money; or miiyiw they m.iU u
first nnd then como. Thoy lire iii. .
horse that feels Its ruts. The? ilnr'il
know a fonco when they sen one. u,,,,!
simply cavort gayly all over tI:oir
lot! and yours and mine, mid run niu
In the flower gardens of couvnitlmnli!.
nnd traditions till they mako thing look
like a county fair on tho tiny n fter
Seriously, thow people think tliev -ir
showing whnt erand folks tlinv r..
man that keeps his expensive hnt otih'
I i .. . n: . . . ii.. ,
uo suu iiivw mi wti-wti nMiiy onltnvpa
mat, no is advertising nis lmp:rtinm
Of courso ho is advertising the f.irt ih-,i
he never had a grandfather. If he rii,i
why, that respected relative piokiblyj
was of the kind that woro his hut at thf
dinner tabic and didn't wear his cn.it
"lou eco we re making some pi"Kteiw
anrwuy. I ho present descend.iiit of
said grandfather nt least keep.s h (.cut
on oven If ho doesn't take his hat off ln
time he will doubtless reach tlm ,nr
neieni oi poinoncss oi nomg iioth,
"You'll find that most of the penr;
who mike the breaks are not, doln? It
deliberately. You can trace It ImcW to
their rnrly customs. There's th tmn
who brings a stain stub of n eleir
Into n car. Ocnorally he's a well dresf!
man: looks prosperous nnd nil that lint
I uppos ho was poor us Job not so very
long ago nnd a cigar was a luxury not to
be lightly regarded. He can't get orf
the habit of economy he formed tbn
So he victimizes everybody nrinm Mm
by cherishing the ktub. t
Smiles When Snubbed.
That sort of thing runs nil throuch
one's experience. Oh, yesl I get em
voked plenty of limes but I, have sows
compensation. It makes mo e hi
superior when I havo lioen courteous tn
somebody and havo been Miuhhed lor my
pains. I've developed a system ol rrt.ili.t- j
tlon that doesn't hurt any one and thit
affords mo amusement. Tor inst.nire
I havo a habit of saying 'Thank yoii'
to a saleswoman when she gives nm my
parcel and change. I simply do it un
consciously. Occasionally the e,irl hrrwlf
says 'Thank you' nnd then nil is well.
"But I confess that it pretty generally
happens that I, who am paying my money
and am supposnd to be tho ono who is
conferring patronag", am a solo per
former on tho 'Thank you' stop, Th.-n
I hesitate and look expectantly nt tin
girl. Sho is puzzled; perhaps nsks ir my
'chango ain't right' or if that 'ain't my
parcel.' I say 'Oh, yesl' but continue
to look expectant.
"If she asks me what I am wait ins
for I smile to myself and say indulgently:
'For something which you do not hive '
Then I turn away, leaving her to worry i
over it. Even if it doesn't come to mv"
making that llttlo speech I retiro with
a lingering look of smiling pity, which
I can see is most diostrous to the youn1; (
person's self-satisfaction.
"You've no idea how tho Fchemo work.
Why, car conductors that wero ns un
pleasant to mo as a hyena when I got
on havo become so tamed that they would
have eaten out of my hand by the tim
I got off. And tho beauty of It is I don't
liavo to do anything but smilo nnd loo'.;
pleasantly superior1. I lovo to do both,
so that is tho role for nw,
"It's splendid too in case of people
who talk loud in publio placos. Tho
people are not really discourteous to th- v
other folks around. (. f course It's dis
turbing and ono hates to be in that at
mosphere, but it isn't anything you can
actively resent. But if you can let them
discover you to bo amused, pityingly
amused, they quito collapse." j
"But what," demanded tho reporter,
"what can you do when people are rude
to you on the street? You can't hold up
traffic while you upply the pitying smil
treatment."
"No," sighed the woman. "It won't
work thon. And if you drivo me to tho
wall I will admit that thero are other
times when It is a broken reed. I've
tried it on hotel clerks with such con
sistent lack of succors that 1 believii
they must havo been Inoculated againi-t
It. Do you know 1 expect to livo to a
good old age, but if I should last a hun
dred years I should nevertheless carry
some unsolved mysteries with mo to my
timelv uruvo. Ono of them is why h
manv hotel clerks act as if they wero in a
I pest house anil wero nobly trying to dis
j courage you from staying around th
uwful place.
' "Another Is why n box offlco man thinks
j it a sign of insanity, idiocy or crankinc-n
in a woman when sho wants to know
whether tho seats ho fs soiling her ar-i
j in A or Why do nil stout women
make an urm rest of you when you sit
next thein in tho theatre? Why do men
read tho newspaper in crowded cars with
out folding it, so that their arras won't
spread out like windmills?
"Why do peoplo who bring their wet
umbrellas into cars hold them ngains-t
your clothes iustead of against their
own? Why docs no one ever step to tha
back of nn elevator except when it i
empty? Why but what's tho use?
"Perhaps if I do livo to be a hundred
tho common courtesy that I say hasn't
been born yet among thousands of Niw
Yorkers will havo como Into existence,
and all theso problems will cease to be.
I I'm worrvine about iust ono thing.
in
afraid that in tho tneantimo 'Thank you
and 'Excuso mo' and 'If you please' will
become entirely obsolete. I can just hv.ir
my great-grandchildren wioutnig
my Oi)-year-old ears: 'Say, gram, wlut
wub it you used to say when you wan'"d
anything and when you got it V "
the lads, while climbing In r.nin:r; ' f
plies on which tho building stoou i' 1
Instead of hio ball n boat muor 'il i i
dark corner nnd loaded With bov "
gunpowder. This nhowed clearly t i'-n
what wuh f.ftcnvnrd nuceiinlmil '
certainty, the Intention of the Span "!'
jonsplratotH to blow up the h'ineU !'
chance while It wns crowded, ns It w.il
ever day, wltli the leadlirj clllz1 iis f
tho city.
Tim boy who stumbled upon the ev.-i-
powder nt onto hurried to the
authorities with bis newii. TIP'
load of explosives was quietly sunk
the c.iual nnd the Spanish plot ll1
frustrated.
When the burgesses nskrd the 1
what rewind be desired for tlii f r
lie hud rendered tho town he 11 "1
that so long ns there was n Stm' 1
i biiuit" In Amsterdam the bn s t t w
town would like to be permit!) I loie)k
tlie floor of tho exchange tte' I
ground during a cumin par' ,,f ?
year. The requist was smiled ati'l
the curtuin kurtlvva.
I
i