The sun. [volume], December 09, 1917, Section 5 Special Feature Supplement, Page 11, Image 47

About The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1916-1920

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-SOLDIERS FIRST" SHOULD BE
Numerous Ways of
impossioie reriumery and Costly Wrappings, and Need
for Economy to Help Fighting Men Is Emphasized
Br JANE DIXON.
Till: apple cheeked old fellow who
drives the celebrated team of
roof climbing reindeer may not
like tlio following conversation. In
tact. If ho sees It ho Is pretty certain
to stamp and storm and fling his long
white whiskers wide to the. whistling
December winds. Ho mny even bo bo
far as to overlook tho participants In
It when lie comes to the distribution of
plunder. Hut tho conversation actually
occurred, and us a suggestion It Is
worthy of record. Hero It Is:
, -Want to wake yourself a popular
writer?"
The Inquirer was a personable young
thap of biff heart and limited purse.
H Is the sort of Lothario who would
fUks you to half dozen mauve
chrysanthemums with his last Ave
pot and then lunch on thin air and a
tall glass of water for the rest of the
week.
"I surely do. Otherwise why writ
at all?"
"I know how you can turn the
trick."
"How much does the secret cost?" I
JAKE W I NTERBOTTOM '
By DAVID A. CURTIS.
THINGS that happened outside of
Arkansas City, speaking In
general, were held to be of no
Importance whatever by the citizens of
Arkansas City at the time when old
man Greenlaw run a little saloon on
the levee there. The prevailing senti
ment of the community seemed to be
to tho effect that it was enough tor
any mnn to do to pay attention to local
occurrences without bothering his
head with thoughts of what might or
might not occur elsewhere.
It was truo that only two things
remained as food for thought after the
elimination of extraneous matters.
Or.e of theso two was the flood that
twally threatened the existence of
Arkansas City and other rlvcrsldo set
tlements twice a year. Tho other
fas the pol. Tamo-that was played
more frequet.Uy than that In the little
bnck room of old man Oreonlaw's sa
loon. Outside of these two nothing had
ver happened In the place and so far
m human intelligence could bo relied
m to predict nothing else could be
expccteJ to happen. And tho people
of Arkansas City troubled themselves
cot a whit as to what happened else
where as has been already stated.
There was, however, one notablo ex
ception to this general statement. The
eld man himself, and .a certain group
four husky citizens who cooperated
with him in tho conduct of the afore
said poker game, wero us indifferent to
the affairs of the rest of tho world as
'era :inj of tho other citizens of
Arkansas nty with tho single excep
tion noted Theso five wero grievously
trrmenfd by their realization of tho
eontru'(l exl.steiico of tho ono eyed
man
It rkinl them extremely that ho
"horn. i .ml.i.r tho cart us he did
'f.ir -ft.., M..tr, setting nt naught all
the principles of correct living, defiant
fcf oil rniineritiiceH, even dcrlslvo of
tie fremn i,t i.fforts of thoso whom ho
cut-aged to avenso their wrongs, and,
ftri i ,. y roi Ihlent In his truly mar
veiifuiR .ujiiity to extricate himself
frM uiy s, emingly hopeless situations
' wii. ii lm was forever putting hlm
eir or '!,. t ho objection which old man
firej,aw anil his friends entertained
to fart that the ono eyed man re
nt' ni'd extant wiih not an Indication
th i t'tes Wfro broadening out In the
Minn t'-.at tiny wero beginning to con-
n themselves with anything outside
r't ArU.ins.iH f'itv Unit tbn nnft ved
man remained nway from there from
tt-e tlr;;t nr even If lio had refrained
f""n i;oin- ,ack there aftor ono or
tvti ,Slt. as might havo been ex
T'eiiij of anybody who had ordinary
r.urnan Intelligence, tho entire popu
I.im.ii of Arkansas City, Including old
r.i.u ( rcenlaw and his four copart
" ' would havo refused to fash them
" with thoughts of him. But no.
certain captain of one of the
!'' l.-tn that plied the Mississippi
It v r with such regularity as the con
dition of tho river mado posslblo had
"en 'i. his earlier days a master
1 tnaruiil m all of thn Seven Heas. anil
Useless Giving Pointed Out, Including
"Not a cent. It's a free wilt nffrln
It's worth a million dollars, but I'll give
It to you for nothing If you promise to
put It over."
"All right. Shoot."
"Start a movement through your
paper to make Christmas gifts unpa
triotic." "Slmplo little task. About ns simple
a-s winging Dig Dill with an airgun."
Many Wonld Praise Ides.
"Don't you believe It. Tho easiest
task you ever tried, that is what it
would be. You'd have more ardent ap
plauders than u Century chorus queen.
Mary Plckford would bo no kind of a
herotne ut all alongside of you. Praise
would rovcrbcrato from city to city,
not forgetting small towns, villages
and hamlet. All over tho world fel
low BUfferers who face Christmas with
a brave smile and a busted bank roll
would rise to call you blessed."
"How do you figure I am going to
get away with any auch revolutionary
Idea?"
"How are you going to get away
with it? You are going to get away
great. Just say you think It la wilful
waste at a time like thia to apend
money on pin cushion and gold lace
collar boxes and Junk like that when
we need all our money to help can the
Kaiser."
"No go. Sorry. Tour scheme te a
failure."
"Why?
Because ono of the surest ways to
jwrauaao v mum crowns are not DeiLreax convincing six or seven dolls-that
coming 10 ins siyie ot Deauty la to DUX'Mtcta is
IJberty bonds.. Nice fat Liberty boi
an dono up In a neat little packi
tied with a holly ribbon and sealed wlta
a tsania iaus slump. wou:a mage mo
moat acceptable kind of a ChrUtmaB'lrrested from a head waiter these dav
a ui. .
The personable young man with the
big heart and tho limited purse ad
mitted defeat. He said there seemed
nothing left for him to do but to find
a place where he could dine heartily
on a dime's worth ot cracker and
milk.
"I have a better scheme than yours,"
offered the wlso boy who is a regular
Houdlni when It conies to worming
his way out ot a tight place. "Get up
a quarrel with your girl. Tell her
everything Is off forever. Tou can
always patch It up some time In Jan
uary." Tho wise boy pretended the sugges
tion was a Joke. Maybe it was.
Maybe it wasn't. But to be forewarned
la to be forearmed. Girls, tread easy.
Allow not your pride to run away with
your prospective present. Pay no at
tention to the eccentricities of man at
this season of the year. Laugh at his
Comes Up With
Results,
In his long experience had acquired a
vocabulary. He, nfter some observa
tion of the manifold doings of the one
eyed man, had been bwrd to call him
tho "Stormy Petrel oi tho Mississippi
Valley," and there was some aptitude
in the name, though It was not fully de
scriptive, for the one eyed man was al
most certainly to be found In the cen
tre of any serious disturbance that oc
curred at any time anywhere between
St. Louis and New Orleans.
Whereas tho petrel delights, aa did
the one eyed man. In upheavals of the
elements and Is usually among those
present when upheavals occur, and
whereas the ono eyed man was also
to bo found wherever there was one,
the comparison of the two was in one
respect apt. but there was another In
which the likeness failed to appear, for
it was n safe bet on all such occasions
that tho one eyed man was himself the
upheaver.
However peaceful the scene when
ho arrived, lie would usually tear
things wide open toon after his ar
rival. Tho steamboat captain, It will
bo observed, had connoted only one of
tho ono eyed man's characteristics, but
as a fact he had many and various
traits.
But even though It be reiteration It
should be said right here that old man
Greenlaw and Jako Wtnterbottom and
Jim Blalsdell and Joe Bassett and
Sam Pearsall would have been calmly
Indifferent as to nny and all of the
one eyed man's doings If he had stayed
away from Arkansas City, but that he
would not do. He knew he waa not
wanted there, but to his perverse na
ture that appeared to bo nn excellent
reason for going there, and from time
to tlmo he wont.
Ho was probably tho only person
who knew anything about Arkansas
City who would go there If ho could
avoid It, but to him the peril of the
adventure presented an Irresistible
temptation. Almost any temptation
was Irresistible to him. That was one
of his characteristics, but aa was said,
ho had others.
For ono thing he was a truly re
markable poker player, accounted by
many tho most skilful manipulator of
pasteboards In his time, though there
wero many others who held that Jim
Blalsdell was hla equal If not his su
perior in that respect. Then, too. he
was a handy man with a knife and al
u.nv. ofirHvri nne. Further than that
but tho list is too long. Thoae who
.iro curious should read the atories or
his advcnturcH and Judge ror inem-
solveu what manner of man he waa.
Several of theso adventures he had
iminrtakpn in Arknnsas City. Hence
tho antipathy to which allusion has
already been made. The five persons
hereinbefore mentioned loathed him.
It Is true that of the five there waa
ono who had a sneaking admiration
for him, but this admiration was not
such as to beget a rntnoiy reeling.
Bv no means.
Jim Blalsdell could not hut respect
one who rivalled him In skill so uc
cessfully as did the one eyed man, and
thoueh he desired tna lattera extinc
tion no less earnestly, than did the
provocations. Notice not his seeming
neglect. When ho goes up In the air
amllo and, keep your feet on the
ground. TJhcre is method In his mad
ness. A deep seated plot has been
laid to deprive you of your Yutetldo
rights. He Is one of thorn Smart
Aleck fellows who does nor believe In
Santa Clnus.
This Fellow Mast Decide at Oaee.
."You know, I am up against It
right," confided another ono of the
Christmas baiting crew. "I have two
girls. That is, I think I have them,
though a fellow never can tell for cer
tain where ho stands with a woman.
Ho may think ho Is assaying 100 per
cent., when tho truth Is he Is hitting
about dcuco high. Anyway, I like
theso two girls fifty-fifty. Looking
over my total assets I see I can only
play Santa to ono of them. Which
one? That's tho question. I'vo got
to make a decision quick. Getting
nearer the danger zone every day."
"Flip a coin," soma one suggested.
"Heads It'a the blonde. Tails lt'a the
brunette."
"Might as well," admitted the wise
boy. "No matter which one wlna you
will have a sneaking feeling you wish
it had been tho other."
Come to think of It, there must be a
lot of men In the same jar of pickles.
How S. Claua must chuckle when
Christmas comes along and the ran
Mam Romeo, who hu merit n ntim
,Hch is his one best bet, has to dig and
e good. Let us see seven times a
ive" pound box of candv Is thlrtv-flve
'BthinJa of candy. When wo consider
Kmt a plain lump of susar has to be
rby main force, the high cost of court
Whip ought to cause many a man to
ftettle down before the Yule bells begin
ringing their merry old roundelay.
There was once a man who had a
great and worthy Idea. His Idea was
a safo and sane Fourth of July. For
as much as he gavo us the safe and
sane Fourth, we must be eternally
grateful to tho man. But why did he
weaken? Why did ho not continue
the good work until ho had estab
lished for humanity a safe and sane
Christmas? Verily would his name
have been .headlined on the pages of
time along with those of Cresar. Napo
leon. Christopher Columbo, George
Wahlngton. As a deliverer he would
have ranked along with Abraham Lin
coln. He would be remembered longer
than the man who Invented horseless
carriages and holelesa socks.
Plcturo If you can an absolutely safe
and sane Christmas. What would It
S MAN HUNT HAS PAINFUL END
the One Eyed Man
Mr. Owen Pepper
other four, he longed oven more to'
prove his own superiority in tho game
before the one eyed man should Anally
cash In. Tho others had no such
thought.
They respected Ono Eye's prowess
too greatly to wish to sit in with him.
All they wanted to do was to kill him.
This they had attempted to do several
times, but with no success whatever.
This preyed on their minds. Not
the fact that they had tried, but that
they hod failed. Kspeclally did Mr.
Wlntorbottom grieve, though he said
little about it, being usually a man of
few words.
Day after day ho meditated between
puffs till at length he formed a des
perate resolve. Mr. Wtnterbottom In
variably wore a double barrelled der
ringer in each of his two lower vest
pockets. Ho could shoot as well with
his left hand as with his right. Say
ing nothing tn his friends of his pur
pose ho disappeared. Next day there
was a gap In tho circle In old man
Greenlaw's saloon.
Possibly a week elapsed during which
no tidings of him came to thn little
saloon. Conjecture was exhausted, but
no reasonable explanation of his ab
sence had been found, so when Mr.
Owen Pepper came In Mr. Pepper was
a travelling salesman from east Ten
nessee, who always combined pleasure
with business by visiting the saloon
when he reached Arkansas City.
When Mr. Pepper came In the old
man questioned him.
"Is yo' all done hoer'd anythln' o'
Wtnterbottom recent?' he said. "He
ain't been seen fo' a week."
"Oh, I don't know," said Mr. Pepper.
"They Is a kylnd of a rumor clrc'latln'
up an" down the river 'bout a elderly
gent what's trav'lln' 'round, porno wild
eyed an' grim, 'nqutrln' where he's
liable fo' to meet up with tho one
eyed man. Mcbbe that's him."
"Mebbe," said the old man doubt
fully. "I never reckoned Jake was
liable to do nothln' like that, but he
All Birds Looked Alike to Him
H
E sauntered Into the market
early on Inankngtvlng eve,
scanned the rows of poultry
hanging around the place, pointed up
to them and said to the attendant:
"Give me one ot those birds; about
ten pounds."
Tho attendant took one down,
weighed It, with tho ready reply, "Just
ten exactly, sir," wrapped it up and
handed It to tho purchaser, who took
his check to the cashier's window and
left the place well satisfied with tho
election for the following day's dinner.
When he arrived homo (he lived In
Jersey) he was met at tho gate by his
wife who asked.
"Well, dear, did you select a nice,
tender one?" -
v"I hope so, dear. They told me at
the market the birds were the finest
they had hsndled In many years, owing
to the mildness of the season," he said,
aa he handed the bundle to her. She
placed It In the pantry until after the
evening meal.
He had settled down comfortably for
THE SUN, SUNDAY,
mean to tho Individual, to tho world at
large? Of what would It consist?
Perhaps It would bo better to In
augurate a process of elimination, to
tell some of tho things of which it
would NOT-constst. Take, for exam
ple, tho Whatsis. Tho Whatsis Is a
form of Christmas gift that has been
in existence stneo Santa wore a pin
ning blanket. Tho secret of Its Iden
tity has never boen solved. Untold
numbers of mystified recipients have
tried to discover from Yuletlde to
Yulctldo what it Is all about, but the
Whatsis goes waggishly on its way
defying the most-valiant efforts at so
lution. Tho Whatsis assumed various
shupes, sizes, forms, according to the
Imaginative power of Its maker. In
Its most frequent phaso It Is mado up
of a moss of pink or baby bluo ribbon,
a shower of French knots, some do
dads of laco and other staggering Im
pedimenta from tho fancy work de
partment. It looks awfully sweet and
pretty. But now that you havo It,
what nro ynu going to do with It?
Should It bo worn licneath the blouse
or on top of the dressing table? Are
thoso ribbon strings meant to bo tied
underneath your chin or around a pllo
of freshly laundered handkerchiefs?
You dare not display your Ignorance
by asking tho giver to let you In on
her Intentions. So you thank her In
your very best gush and send the
Whatsis away to Join the other
Whatslses In the bottom of an old
trunk. Unless of course you can dig
up some other victim to wish the
Whatsis on, say as a New Year's
token or a birthday remembrance.
Tho masculine gender of tho Whatsis
is quite as far from sanity as the fem
inine. It consists mostly of something
made out of quilted satin. After kick
ing around In the dresser for a while
and getting itself thoroughly disliked
because of its tendency to Impede
progress It Is pressed into scrvlco as
a shoe shiner.
There really ought to be a law
against the Whatsis. It gets too many
goats. It Is wilful and wanton waste.
If you must indulge In an orgy of
pink and baby bluo ribbons, tie a few
yards of it around the neck of a turkey
and lend the noble bird to the house of
the one to whom you wish to play
Santa Claus. You will bo as welcome
as a check from home.
Not so very far back a favorite form
of Christmas atrocity practised on in
nocent young women by Indulgent ad
mlrers was a silver manicure set. Tho
set was displayed In a near leather
caso about tho size of an old fashioned
telescope. Throw back the lid, and
there stood revealed a collection of
tools such as rivalled the Implements
of a noted surgeon about to perform a
major operation.
The manufacturer of these "sets"
never sent a working script with his
With Disastrous
Reports
mought. They must bo oodles o' wild
eyed gents lookln' fo' One Eye though.
nn' Jus nachully they'd all 'pear to bo
mo' 'r less grim. Mought be any one
on "em."
"Oh, I don't know," Bald Mr. Pepper.
"They wouldn't all on 'cm be elderly,
an' I take notice what WInterbottom
Is some thataway. This un Is said to
be elderly."
"They'd all git elderly rapid If they
was broodln" over whst One Eye dono
to 'em," retorted the old man. "I
ain't a sayln' what 'taln't Jake. If 'tis
the pra'rs o' tho c'munlty sho' Is with
him what the Lawd'll give him
stren'th to 'compllsh his puppose. but
'taln't likely. I reckon that hellyon
c'd dodge n bullet If he wa'n't mo' "n
fo" foot away f'm a gun when ho was
fired at."
Tho others, excepting Mr. Popper
who said, "Oh, I don't know," were
equally pessimistic, though they knew
that If Mr. WInterbottom had really
set out In search of an enemy he
would do hit durn'dest, nnd they ad
mired him for making tho effort. They
remembered, however, that Mr. Bassett
had onco undertaken a similar quest
and had returned a disappointed per
son. If Bassett could not get his mnn
there was no probability that any one
else could.
Mr. Blalsdell, too, had onco left
Arknnsas City on tho samo errand, and
might perhaps have succeeded, for he
found the one eyed man and catching
him unawares might easily have done
away with him but for the desire ho
had to beat him out In the game first.
Yielding to this weakness he set In.
It is even posslblo that he might have
accomplished his double design, but the
boat's b'ller busted.
Mr. Pearsall might and perhaps
would have started out with the same
Idea In his own head, hut he had
chronic domestic difficulties and It was
a moral certainty that Mrs. Pearsall
would nave overtaken him before he
should overtake the one eyed man nnd
hla usual evening's reading, when he
was startled by the voice of his wife
and saw her enter the room with the
bird clenched tightly by the feet In
one hand and pointing with the other
to It.
"And you say you picked out this
turkey yourself 7" sho asked.
"Why, yes. Anything wrong with
it?''
"Anything wrong with Itl You
know that In our forty years of mar
ried llfo we have never let Thanksgiv
ing go by without a real turkey, and
here you bring home a big, fat goose I "
"What!" he said, as ho sprang up.
"A goose I That's one on me. I saw
row after row of them hanging around
and took for granted they were all
turkeys."
"Well." sho sighed, "we'll have to
make the best of It We're well sup
plied with geese for the day. That'a
two we have."
"Two! Where'a the other?" he
asked.
"You," she repllfld.
DECEMBER 9, 1917.
THE MOTTO THIS CHRISTMAS
.aalKflirBnaBHH
.BBBBBBBBBBBBaaBBBBBBBBBaBa3
"Lead the noble oird to the home of one to whom you wish to
play Santa Claus."
production. He left It to you to guess
the offices of the twenty-odd pieces In
order to give them proper display room
on your dress'ng table you would have
to dispense with your comb, brush,
hand mirror and many other nrtlcles
of dally usage. You did, but not' for
long. Tho handles ot this Christmas
manicure sliver had a happy way ot
separating themselves from whatever
was fastened to the other end. This
was an excellent excuse to send the
pesky things to tho scrap box, whero
would bring him homo forthwith,
wherefore Mr. Pearsall had not gone.
As old man Greenlaw had never. In
the course of several years, left his
saloon for any purpose whatever,
night or day, there whs no ono but
Mr. WInterbottom to undertako the er
rand, If Indeed that was really what
ho had gone away for. They thought
It was probablo, but they had no
positive knowledge on the subject until
Mr. Pepper came la again tho next
time ho reached Arkansas-City.
So eager was the old man by that
time for news of tho wanderer that he
did not even wait for Mr. Pepper to
say "Let's liquor," aa etiquette re
quired him to do on entering, but he
tho old man abruptly exclaimed: "Is
that thar wild eyed IndlvIJ'I what yo'
all was ttllln' on done met up with
One Eye yit? An" was lt rcely Winter
bottom?" "Oh. I don't know," said-Mr. Pepper,
also Ignoring etiquette for the time
with no compunction, ko far as could
be seen. "Yo' tins 'pcareJ to reckon
they was somo question 'bout It reely
beln' him, 'long o' p'sumln' what nny
body'd Just nachully bo wild eyed
ondcr the rlrctimstants. Mebbe that's
so. Mebbe the one I heer'd about first
off was him an' mcbbe not. I ain't
p'pnred to say."
ThHt was the way with Mr Pepper.
If ho saw that his hearers were
greatly Interested In what he had to
tell he would prolong the telling by
any evasion he could think of, no mat
ter how cowardly.
"Thnt ain't the p'lnt." said the old
man sternly. "I done ns't yo Is
WInterbottom dono did what ho set
out to. or ain't he? Cnn't yo' answer
a plain question?"
"Oh, I don't know," said Mr. Pepper
with a twinkle In his eyo, but per
ceiving almost instantly that hn would
Incur great peril If ho Indulged In
further trifling, he went on hnstlly:
"Ho never told me nothln' 'bout what
'twas he was nlmli ' to do, but him
an' the one eyed man dono met up
some'res in Memphis, Into a sioon.
'Cordln' to whit I done heer'd they
must 'n' been dlildin's."
"Ono on 'em's dald then," declared
Mr. Ilnssott. "Jako ain't one to give
up no other way."
"Oh, I don't know," said Mr. Pep
per. "The doctors claims what his In
juries Is painful but no,t nccar'ly dan
g'rous. 'Pears he had both hands into
his two pockets, dlggln' fo' his der
ringers when the ono eyed mnn dono
seen him, but nfo' ho o'd git 'em out
Ono Eyo give him a swipe with n
knife squar acrost his belly, on'y It
didn't go fur enough in fo' to cut him
open 'ntlrely. 'Poured It on'y Just cut
his two hands to the bone, so ho
didn't had no uso of 'em, so One En
he Just laughed at him an' ns't tho
s'loon keeper to send fo' a doctor, nn'
ho walked out."
"That ain't lllto One Eye," said the
old man sceptically. "How como ho
didn't kill him when he got a chanst?"
"Oh, I don't know." said Mr. Pepper.
"I as't him that my ownself when I
seen him In Helena, dny befo' yester
day, an' he says what he reckons he's
liable fo' to stop over In Arknnsns
City ag'ln sooner or later, an' he'd
kylnd o' hate to miss meotln' any o'
the gang. Said they wouldn't he nigh
so much fun Into It It they wn'n't all
hyar."
they may bo found, blackened and
riotous with rust, to this very day.
Imposs Me perfume was and Is a
favorlto pitfall of the male shopper In
Giftland. Qeally, tho young lady
gouger who sell odoriferous rubbish
to credulous bcaus ought to be
ashamed to tuko tho money.
"This Is one of our newest odors,"
they twitter, waving a glass cork back
and forth beforo tho olfactory nerves
of an abashed buyer. "It ts the con
centrated essence of the forget-me-not
bloom with Just n dash of orange
blossom. So delicate. So rotlned. Only
f2.'i a dram. And look at tho bottle.
Cut glass. Colonial style, with filagree
of silver. I'd h mply bo tickled to
death if somo ono would send mo n
bottlo of It for my Christmas. I
wouldn't care If I never got another
thing."
Us Stsrd li Her Victim.
The girl behind tho counter has
sized up hcr victim. Sho Is hep to the
kind of catfish look In his eyes. Some
ono of her sisters has him locoed. The
perfume, is probably an Inferior grade
of new mown hay, but sho knows the
psychological effect of tho mention of
forget-me-nots and orange blossoms on
a man who Is only two hops and a
Jump ahead of tho wedding march.
She Is risht. Tho man tears himself
away from several months' savings
and departs with the precious package
clutched tightly In his overcoat pocket.
Tho fatal eve arrives. Honeylove Is
handed her year's supply of poison
gas. Sho removes tho stopper. It
takes her about two seconds to dis
I
"She is hep to the foolish look in hi eye."
cover that when she trips forth with
a few drops of the costly camouflage
scattered over her person she will
have only a few rivals, tho most no
table of which will be the chemical
factories across the river in New Jer
sey. Her entrance into a room will be
tho signal for the hostess to fling open
tho windows, and when sho Bits beneath
an electric fan In a rcsaurant patrons
will petition head waiters to move
them out of suffocating distance.
Will she tell Clarence of this? Will
nhe tip him off that as a Santa Claus
he Is one of the very best little wet
blankets In the world? Never In a
million years! Instead aha will clasp
It closo and coo:
"Perfume. Oo-o, I love perfume.
I'm simply crazy about It. What kind
did you say It Is, dear? Forgel-me-not
and orange blossom? How perfectly
sweet! It's too beautiful. Every time
I use It, dear, I'll think ot you. I'll
never move a step without a touch of
it. But 111 be stingy with it too. It's
much too precious la waste. How did
you over think of anything so lovely?"
Poor Clarence! He treads air all
the way home. He ought to get a look
at Honeylove now:
"Perfume. Terrible stuff. Didn't
know they made It that bad. And t
never uso anything but violet. Ho
knows It. He's heard me say I can't
stand anything but violet a thousand
times. He did It for spite, that's what
he did. And to think I did everything
but tell him I wanted a wrist watch,
Well, I'm through. I've wasted six
whole months on that man. Stupid,
so he is. Just naturally s-t-u-p-l-d."
Has Many Hair nrnshes.
A man who has a way with women
owns six sets of military brushes that
havo never seen active service. He
owns a seventh set which he uses. The
six "sleepers" have como to him by the
Christmas tree route. They are mon
ogrommed, engraved, crested and in
scribed. They are backed with ivory,
enamel, ebony, silver. There is even
a pair of platinum and gold.
"Pool all alx aeta and you wouldn't
get a brush a man could use," says the
owner. "When I want to brush my
hair I use an old pair of wooden back
boys I'vo had ever since I was In col
lege. They are getting a trifle worn
around tho edges, and the varnish de
parted from their backs years ago, but
I wouldn't trade them for all the other
twelve. A woman can no more buy a
hair brush for a man than she can buy
him neckties. And I guess we are
unanimous on the necktie question."
A true story. A girl who had every
thing wanted to play Santa Claus to a
boy who had nothing, as yet, except
youth, health and ambition. So she
sneaked out and bought him a set of
platinum and diamond shirt studs,
with cuff links to match. They cer
tainly did look swagger, nestling there
In their bed of soft gray velvet. Gil
bert de Pcyster would have been proud
to own them. But the boy was not
Gilbert de Pcyster. Ho was plain Tom
Somebody or other. He had not at
tained that exalted state of social well
being where he could Jump Into his
own private evenlmr clothes. He had
hopes, but no matter how brave a maiv
may be, he cannot go out In tho eve
ning clad only In hope. Perhaps you
can appreciate Tom's feelings on
Christmas morning when ho tore off
tho tissue paper and confronted tho
equivalent of his salary for six months.
But he was a game guy was Tom.
Ho went out and hired the needed
clothes. He wore tho plunder. He
wore it several times thereafter, when
he had the price of an evening's lritor
est In a community dress suit. When
ho did not havo such price ho sent re
grets. Tho upkeep of his Christmas
present was proving pretty expensive
Ho took to thinking about It a lot.
After a while he realized It would be a
long time before h could live up to
those studs and cuff links. He was a
safo and sano boy. Though ho liked
the fitrl very much, he saw tho impos
sibility of It. Quietly but firmly he
dropped out of the race. The girl was
heartbroken. She could not under
stand why. It has never dawned upon
her that Santa Claus may have a
sense of proportion as well as a sense
of humor. 1
Mention of tissue paper. brings to
notlee a custom which has gained a
staggering momentum during tho last
several holiday seasons. This Is tho
custom of Christmas wrapping.
Formerly It was deemed sufficient to
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"do up" a present In plain wrapping
paper, tie It with a piece of cord and
send It on Its merry way Then somo
wily manufacturer of cord hit upon
the Idea of coloring his wares red. He
sold out quicker than u lemonado
vender at a Fourth of July pic
nic. From the moment the wily
manufacturer Marled lih ball of red
cord rolling no ono has been nblo to
stop It. To-dny it has pushed tho
presents themselves nway over into
thn wings whllo It stands In tho cen
tre of the stage und grabs tho entire
Christmas, performance.
To hhow nny class at nil, the up to
date Chrhtmas gift must bo housed In
a special Christmas box. A Chrlstmaa
card bearing the sender's name nnd
tho season's greeting must be tucked
Inside. It must be wrapped first In
Christmas tissue, next In Christmas
paper, tied .with Christmas ribbon In
side and Christmas cord outside, scaled
with Christmas seals, stamped with
Christmas stamps and tagged with
Christmas tags.
Wrappings I'rnte t'otlr.
A complete set of Christmas 'wrap
pings for a ten cent handkerchief cost.t
in the neighborhood of fifty cents. It
may reach the extremity whom glvcts
lind It necessary, by reason of limited
funds, to semi merely tho wrappings
and trust to tho generosity of tho re
cipient to accept good will In place of
u gift.
Merely by way of suggestion: Dis
pense with elaborate wrappings and
drop the nickels and dimes thus saved
Into tho tin box for ono of our war
charities. It will buy a bag of candy
for a soldier's baby temporarily, per
haps permanently, deprived of his papa
Santa. It may mean a sllco of Christ
mas turkey for somo Sammlc over
thero nursing his trench feet and tak
ing pot shots at Huns between bites.
What kind of a Christmas aro we
going to have?
The Jolllest sort of a Christmas, to
be sure. There will be the same hollr
wreaths tied with scarlet ribbons, the
same sprigs of mistletoe beneath the
chandelier, the same pungent greens,
the same candle starred and bauble
guy trees, the same carols, the same
Joy bell. There will be the same tur
key stuffed with chestnuts oozing
gravy, the same mince pie. tho same
plum pudding. Thero will be the samo
stomach aches, the same gout, the samo
heavy heads and clogged systems. Also
tho mm' old harvest for the samo
family physicians. Tho harvest moon
of tho M. D. Ii the star of Bethlehem
Beyond shadow of doubt we will
have some changes In our Christmas
programme. There will be a new noto
of seriousness running through all our
good time. Santa Claus. once perched
so conspicuously atop the highest peak
of the Christmas tree, will be replaced
by "The Star Spangled Banner." In
many prnnd homes which possess the
rlsht tho beauteous banner will be ac
companied hy the service flag bearing
Its grave message of ono or two or
three star letters an tho family has
given of Its own.
Already toy shops onnouneo thu
stampedo for miniature militarism.
Regiments of li'tle tin soldier will bo
marshalled beneath the boughs of
evergreen. Infantile cannon will thun
der as never before. Baby guns' will
bark nt Imaginary enemies. Toy
drums will rat-a-tat-tat to the tread
of small feet. Play bugles will sound
the call to arms.
Indliin Milts, onco the pride and Jo
of child hearts, are tossed aside with
out reeeiving so much as a tumble.
Johnny, Jr.. wants a soldier suit llko
daddy wears or he wants Santa to
mnko him a sailor like Uncle Bob,
Even tiny Alice, she of tho spun koIi!
curls nnd cornflower eyes, would
rather have a toy sword with a belt
that fastens around her waist than
he would a doll that can closo Its
eyes and say "Mamma"' when you
squeeze it.
"Soldiers first!" This Is tho holi
day edict.
In sending a contribution to Tin:
Scn Tobacco Fund Mrs. P. W. Saun
denon of Cedarhurst, L. I., wrote:
"A friend and I have agreed to send
Christmas gifts to our soldiers this
vear Instead of to each other."
I do not know Mrs. Satinderson of
fedarhurst. I.. I but I wish I did.
She Is made of thn sort of stuff which
if occasion demanded would be found
In tho front ranks with a gun on her
shoulder, marching forward to do her
bit.
There Is no copyrlcht on Mrs. Sa An
derson's decision. Any woman who Is
thinking of knitting a pair of helio
trope house slippers for a man friend
so ho may sit by tV Hie and enjoy his I
comfort Is nt perfect liberty to tell
him she has decided to knit a khaki
colored helmet for a soldier Instead,
Tho man who exchanges boxes ot
clears with his men friends is free to
adopt the Cedarhnrj-t Idea and nrrango
with them to send the smokes to "our
boys," whether they have gone over or
aro getting In shapo to go.
So put on our war bonnet, Santa'
Slip Into your scrvlco suit. Button up
our trench coat. Pack your old hit
bng with safo nnd fane gifts. Stick a
billion rounds of good cheer Into our
ammunition belt. Harness the rein
deer to a gun carriage and ot ready
for the big drive In favor of a happy
holiday season. 1917-18.
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