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iilin flu inn THE REGISTER. ...W'.J. BATES OF ADVERTISING. THE TOLA REGISTER. spjcc i -. Sw. W. l m.i3 ra.ts mfl .T. iltflO 13 00 A) 01 45 00 36 00 00 00 llnch....MIOtlS0 SJ.0C ttDtiStttlMSO PUBLISHED EVERY SATURDAY. zlneh... Sioeh... lnch... JCol... JfCol... 1 Cot... ISO 2 00 150 1 3 50 3 A e an to 09 300 sa uoo 400 B StflO coju 17 SO 380 CSO 5 50 ALLI&OX & PKItKIXS, l'l-nusiocas. 10 00 lit ohu od a 4 SOU 00 15 10 0 .18 00 100 00. y Q-Transient and Legnl advertisement must be paM fur In advance. I oral and Special Notice. 10 rents a line. All letters in relation to business in any way connected with tie office should be addressed to the Publishers and Proprietors. Aixisot St. Peiucix. IOLA, ALLEN COUNTY, KANSAS. TKIUfS-TU'O UOLL.UW J'Ett YKAIt. VOLUME IX. IOLA, ALLEN COUNTY, KANSAS, MARCH 27, 1875. NO. 13. OFFICIAX PAPER Or COUNTY. MaicJrtY 00 00 3 00 OOIjOO 47 00 W 00 dO 00 i 3-t I lJusinfss Jlircrtori). COUNTY OFFICERS. II VtrT.-leott District Judge Avtr, Probjle Judge Um Tlira.iler Couutv Tleixurvr II A Xeedham,..., County Clerk. o . irawi liejister ol ieeds J II Richards, County Attornev 1 M Himnaon Clerk District Court J K llrvau Sunerintendent Public A-hiwils J r, Woodin,. ..-. MierilT j.yman uuojaes , surveyor D Hnrville, ) ' AWJHrlnd, J- 1 Commissioners Isaac Donebrake, ) CITY OFFICERS. "W Clones, '. Slavor I. I. Iwe Police Judge John I'axsnn.S h 1 Mauberj I Walker, . Councilmcn V M Simpson, I K X Yates, J I laXurthrnp,. ..... .,..,., Treasurer II W Talcott, .. Clerk J X Woollomes . ..Marshal C I Bnggs, . Assistant Slarshal CHURCHES. y MCTHODIST EPISCOPAL. Comer of Jefferson avenue and Broadway St. Sen ices every Sabbath at 10f a. m. and 7 p. m. Prayer meeting Thursday evenings at 7 p. m. It. K. .M.1111, Pastor. PEESBYTEKIAX. Corner Madison avenue and Western street. Services 10 a. in. and 7 p. m. Sunday Scl ti,' a.m. J . W . 1'inkekto.s , Pa r School at Pastor. BAPTIST. On Sycamore street. Services every Sablnth at 10)i a.m. and" p.m. Pnijermeetimron Thurs day evening. Church meeting at 2 p. m. on Saturday before the first Sabbath in each month. Sabbath School at 12 o'clock m. U. T. Kloyd, Pastor. Secret Societies. IOLA LODGE, NO. 38, A F & A 5Iaons meets on the first and third saturdajs in cery month CV"LJ3artlren in good standing are invittd l rj I. X White, bec'y IOLA LODGE, NO. 21, I O of Odd Fel lows hold ttieirrtvular met tings every 'i ne 'tlav eeniue. in their hall, next door north ot Ihe po-t otiice Viiting brethren in good standing, are invited toattmd C. 31. M31P&OX, X U. W. C. Jones, Sec'y . Dotcls. LELAND HOUSE. H BANCROFT, FroprleJor. IOLA, Kav. Tliis hoil-e has lieeu tlmroiulily rep-iired and refitted ami n uuw ll.e most desirable pljre in the city furtnneiers to stop. Xopim-nill U spared to make Hie gue-ts of the Lei ind leel at ,'iome. naggage traiijftrreil to and front le;jt fnee of charge. . CITY HOTEL. TMrnT!n PI?OfrrOtf. Pnoitrietnr. loll. J Kans.i3. Single meals iii-tuts. D.iy lw.ml-1 ers one dollar Jier clay. . j dStfiorneijs, H. W. TALCOTT, A TTOftVl'V AT T lil. lln mnntr jfV Kansas. Ofliceon MadisonaieinusoneitiMir' castorw m. uavis. ui.-es ieiorean oi ine courts if the State will receiie careful attention. All cpllections promptly remitted. . NELSON F. ACEKS, ATTORXEY AT LAW, Iola, Allen county, . Kansas Has the only full and complete set of Abstracts of Allen county. J. C. SICBBAY J. II. KlCHAKD, Countr Attoniei. MURRAY & RICHARDS, ATTORXEYS AXD COUNSELOR? AT LAW. Monev in sums from 810U Oil to 8.1,0 M tfl luuneil on long time upon Improved Fjrms in Allen, Anderson, Wood-on, aul Xco-dio coun Jies. . piscellaneous. D. F. GIVEXS, WATCHMAKER, JEWELER, AXD CLOCK Rejairer, ai the potoflice, lola, Kjnsas. .Clocks, Watches and Jewelry, promptly and ncal lv repaireil and warranleil. A fine assort ment of Clocks, Jeweln', Gold liens and other fancy articles, w hicli will be sold cheap. . M. DeMOSS, M. D., OFFICE over Jno. Francis JfcCo.'s Drugstore Residence on Washington avenue, 2nd door south Xeosho street. H. A. NEEDHAM, COUXTY CLERK. Comeyaucing can-rully done and acknowledgements taken. Maps and plans neatly drawn. J. N. WHITE, TTXDERTAKER, JIadison avenne, Iola, Kan- 1 1 aa tfiwul nffliid i..intiinttr on hand .nd Ilearsealwaysinreadine-s. MetaiicBunalCa-s lumineii on snort notice. J. E. THORP, TJARBER SHOP on Washington avenue first XJ doorsonthof L. L. Xorthniira. ooil, lyoal, Potatoes, Com and Hickory Xuts taken in ex change for work. . if. REIMERT, TAILOR. Iola, Kansas. Scott Brother's old stand. Clothing made to order in th latest and bet Styles. Satisfaction guaranteed. Clean ing ana repairing uone on snort nonce. T'he Iola Register. SUBSCRIBE FOR IT. Devoted to the interests of Iola and Allen county. Makes Local News a Specialty. Contains a good assortment of general Hews cud conuenseu aiaie .e . JOB WORK Of all kinds, such as BETTER HEADS, BILL HEADS, STATEMENTS, 3ARDS, POSTERS, &c, Done in good style, and at reasonable prices. LEGAL NOTICE. STATE OF KANSAS. Is Cocvrr of Allkv, JsS. IOLA TOWXSUIP. Before L. L. Low, J. P. for said Township. L. II. Waniner. W. S Rramrr n.t J. IT. Hick man, partners under firm name and style of SVaniuer, Uregory & Co, Plaintiff, vs. G G. Holmes, Defendant. THE Defendant i hereby notified that he has been sued by Mid pUintiDTin said court in a civil action to recover the sum of A19.20 that on attachment issued in sjid cm-e on February Sth, l.73, that said cause w ill be heard n the 1st day of April, 1S73, at 19o'cloka. m. . K. ACKItS, H 3t PUintur. Attorney. t .jm,"""" SIBYL'S SUITORS. A Title of True i,ovo and Chance. BY AMY KAXDOLPH. A New England winter scene the hemlock forests all draped with ermine fringes of snow the hills and valleys white as if they were coated with pearl, while from the farm house chimneys in the gray thickets of leafless maples under the rocks a blue spinal smoke went wreathing and curling up into the steely January sky, and the sunsets, reflected on the myriad tiny window panes of the western front made an orange sparkle brightness that supplied the otherwise lacking clement ot color to the frigid landscape. . Farmer Westerbrook had just brought in an arm full of snow-crusted logs from the woodpile at the north nd "of ther house, throwing them down on the am ple stone hearth with a noise like a small earthquake, when Sibyl Harring ton started up. "Five o'clock ! Oh, I hadn't an idea it was so late. I must bo going." "Allow me to accompany you, Miss Harrington." "You let me see you home, Sibyl f ' Captain Meredith and Max Crossley both spoka at once, and rosj simultan eously but Sybil shook her head. "I wonld prefer to walk alone," she said, gayly. "And about that sleighing party to morrow nig'at?' said, Max anxiously. "I I have half-promised Captain Meredith," said the village beauty, her long eyelashes drooping, and a delicate shade of ro;c suflusiiig her check. "But Sibyl, I thought it was an under stood matter between you and ne, three good weeks ago?" Max exclaimed, with contracting brows. "Was it?' lam sure Iliad forgotten it!" Max was hilent Captain Meredith's bmioth, softly-intoned voice filled up the silence. "I exact no promise," he said gallant ly "but if I am not punotHil to the hour and the spot, MNs Harrington may draw her own conclusions." And Sibyl went out, her light fjot step making a low, pleasant music on the bright snow. She was very prcty, this gazell-cycd New England damsel, with big blue eyes turning to.a limpid purple whenever she wa in the least excited : hair short, hung in golden frinec over her brjad, low forehead, and the sweetest of rosy mouths with three sentinel dimples on chcek and chin ! Max Crosley had loved her eyer since they were children together, and C ijtain Me e lith, who had come down to pass the Christmas holidays with his cousins the Westettrooks, had been eauir'utin the meshes of that bronze- gold hair and the interlacing network of the laches that overhung the purple-blue eyes, and luJ prolonged his A'itit iBto January. "Upon my word, she's a regular beau ty," said the captain, staring through the tiny window-panes at the retreating footsteps of Miss Harrington. Max Crossley looked quickly up at him, at if he would have particularly liked to'knock him over the andirons iu among the logs; but perhaps he tnought better of it, for he refrained liom any such demonstration. "A beauty," went on the captain ; "and it's a thousand pities she should be thrown awsy on any jof the country pumpkins who vegetate among these wildernesses. Job, you youg vilain, are those boots of mine blacked yet?" Farmer Westerbrook's hired boy, who had just come in to warm his empurpled hands at the merry red blaze, looked glum. "No they ain't," said Job, brusquely. "Well what's the reason ?" "Cause I an't 'ad time." . "See that you find time, then, and that quick, too T'-said the captain. And Job glowered after him, as he went gaily up the stairs. "I just wish I had the servin' of him out," said Job, gloomily. "It's 'Job, do this,' and 'Job do that,' and 'Job where's the warm water,' and 'Job, what the deuce do you mean by lettin' my fire -go outf as if I was his bond slave, and not a red cent he guv me yet no, oor so much as a pleasant word ! I wonder if lie means to stay here always." "You and I are equally partial to him Job," said Max Crossley, laughing. "I heard him talking with Miss Sibyl about goin' sleigh-ridin' to-morrow night," said Job, shrewdly. I should jes' like to put Kicking Billy in the shafts I would, if it war'n't for Miss Sibyl. i. don't know nothin' about horses, that there militia cap'n don't." And Job chuckled. "I say, Mr. Crossley," he resunicd, "why don't you get beforehand with him ? Miss Sibyl don't really care for him she's only dazzled, like." Max Crossley frowned slightly r honest Job was nof .exactly the kind of Gany mede he cared to have meddle with his love affairs. "Miss Harrington must choose for herself Job," he said ; and Job went back to hii work, secretly wondering how a young lady, gifted with ordinary common sense, could hesitate or a moment be tween the captain and Mr. Max Cross- ley. The next night came a night of all nights propitious for sleighing expedi-Tself. An Echo, if Echo had any common tionsand rustic love-making, the road1 sense, would have answered, "Just noth delightfully hard andivell-packed, and a ing at all!" Job had outwitted him. glorious full mooB shining down as white- He might and probably would settle ly as if a rain ofsilxsr were deluging the with Job for the future, but for the whole world 1 present Job had manifestly the advan- "Couldn't be better weather !" said the tage of him. And. pretty Sibyl and Max captain. "Job, where are the sleigh- Crossley with his red cutter and great hells?" chestnut colored-horse! The captain ex- "Dunno," quoth Job, indifferently, ccuted an impromptu series of gymnas "There's them old jinglers in the gar- tics in the hay, as he reflected on all ret that used to belong to Deacon Joe these things. Westerbrook, that was in the Revolu- "I won't wait another minute for him," tfonary War, and tlieres the two eow said Sibyl Harrington coloring up, with bells that Mary Aun might scour up the tears in her blue eyes, "Go oe, with ashes " girls I shall spend the evening at "Pshaw!" said the captain, "do you home." take me for Rip Van Winkle? There's "There's plenty of room for you in our a pretty little string somewhere, for I sleigh, Sibyl," coaxed her brother, a saw them when Mrs. Westerbrook went great good humored athlete, with red out dayjjejtorc yesterday." -w- -wbwlreTrTrrSl" dimples like her own. 1 hadn't seen nothin' on 'cm," saia Job, stolidly. along." "Come, come, don't make yourself out "No, she will not.cither," pouted Si any stupider than you bo by nature, byl. "As if I were going to spoil her Job," said the farmer, laughing, never- fun ! No if I can't have an escort of thelcss, for the captain's airs and graces my own, I'll stay at home and mend wpre fast wearintr out his welcome, and stockings. And I never never will he secretly sympathized with the much afflicted Job. "I guess they're out iu the barn cham 1er." You better go with him, captain, if you expect to find 'em oar Job's dread- j Sibyl jumped up, raidiantly ; she tev ful thick-headed when he chooses to ' cr had been so glad to see honest Max in ta j" all her life before. "Come along, my fine fellow," said ' "Not gone yet, Sibyl ? Where is the the captain jocosely, collaring Job, and captain?" marching him o.T in the direction of tlus I "I don't know," said Sibyl, tartly, old red barn under the hill. "Wc don't I "and I don't care! Am I Captain Mer need any lantern in this bright moon- dith's keeper?" light, that is one comOrt." ! "Will you go with me ?" Old Billy, renowned" for lus kicking! "Yes, I will," said Sibyl, the purple qualities, blinked sagoly around at them lights coming into her eyes and the shy from his stall, and firni, the little grey smiles dimpling her lips, pony, who was destine 1 to figure in the "Of course," said Max, "I cau't-exrect cutter shafts that nt.Jit, set up a low, to mnko in.welf as aireeablo as the city friendly whining as th entered the big, captain, but" frosty, fragrant barn. "The captain, :the captain !'.' cried "Whcroare the stairs ?" Jcmandcd the Sibyl, a little irritably. "I'm sick of the captain. j sound of his name! I never want to "There an't none," said Job. "It's a see him again ! What a t.ice new cutter ladder." J this is, and how cosy the wolf-robes "Up with you then," said Meredith are!" hut Job shrunk stead: istly back. i "Sibyl," whispered Max, ashe touched 'I wj.i1 !:i'l for fifty dollars," said Job. up the horse, and felt her nestling "Old Michael Westerbrook hung him- close to him, "is it for atw.iyit" self ftotn the middle beam fourteen years "Yes, always," she answered, ago, and folks say he stands up there, "Jc-nmlem ?" said farmer Wester with a rope round his neck eery moon brook. It 03 past ten o'clock at night, light ni"ht." al,d the-old gcntletmii haJ cotnc out, as "Stuif and nonsense," ejaculated the 1-c always did ihe last thing before re cipUin, in accents f supreme contempt, 'turning to rest, to see that Job had not "You great cowardly lout, stay where1 set the Iwm on fire, and that the dumb you are then, and I'll go myself." members of his family were all safe and He sprang nimbly up the rounds of ' comfortable. "I do M;ce that's old the ladder and disappeared through the' Mike WesterlirookV ghost come to life tran-door. ' aSa'n poundin' like all povsscd on the -Where is it?" he called. j lrn chamber floor !" "The ghost? Right under the middle ' "It's me-c-e! its me ce!" bawled the boam by the window, was tins place captain, forgetting all the nicer distinc .vhcre-" "Bljekhcad!' I mean the string of llln ' door; let me out I "Look for 'cm yourself," said Job, sul- Slowly the farmer lifted the ladder and kily. I don't know where they be, and adjusted it in its place. With rlieu whafs more I don't care." "atic awkwardness he climed the croak- "I'll settle with you my fine lellow, , ing rounds and undidjthe haok from its when I come down," said the captain, hasp, threateningly, as he groped about in the ' "How in ail creation come you here ?" dim IMit which was admitted by a cob- web draped window at cither end of the barn chamber. "Don't hurry yourself, cap'n" rejoined Job, in a jeering mood. A, the captain plunged into a dark corner, there was a jingle and the string of bells suspended from a nail hit him directly on the neck, so Hke tne grasp of death-cold fingers that h'e could not but start. "Oh!" said the captain, nervously. "Here they are. Catch 'em Job! Hal lo! where's the trap-door?" And it took the militia man full sixty seconds or more to realize that the trap door was closed and fastened on the low er side. He rushed to the window and threw it up, only to bee job speeding up the hill. . "Hal-Io-o-o-a!" yelled Captain Mere dith. "Come back, you scoundrel 1 you ill-conditioned lout ! you imp of evil !" Job turned round and executed that peculiar gyration of the fingers in con nection with the nasal protuberance which is supposed to express the extrem ity of scorn. "You'll find the ladder on the barn floor, cap'n," hooted this young rebel. "And don't be afeard o' the ghost. It's very harmless if you let it alone." "But Job, Job come.back I'm to be at Mr. Harrington's at half-past seven !" "Don't worry !" hoarsely bawled Job. "Miss Sibyl won't wait very long afore Mr. Max'll be on hand." The captain danced up and do;vn on the barn floor in an ccstacy of rage; as Job disappeared over the crest of the hill. There was no use callinz for help. He lUClC W.VS Jill UK Hiliiji v. .... -w ., , . , , . , , r, t. u i the lunss of Boreas he could not have - a.nva itinii tii ir w nt ii'ifi iiiiwwhihi made anv one hear. He sat shivering! down on the hay, starting nervously at the sound of Kicking Billy's feet among his snug bed of straw, and thinking how. disagreeable a bar of moonlight, which streamed down from a crack in the apex of the roof, resembled a tall whit figure standing under the .center-beam. He could almost fancy the rope round its neck pshaw! And the captain jumped up again, with starting dew on his .tem ples, even in the freezing atmosphere of the baru cliaoiber. What was to be done he asked him- "Bessy mown win oe giau to nave you speak to captain Meredith again !" Hosea Harrington was just opening his mouth to argue the matter with his sister once more, when the duor opened and in walked Max Crossley tions ot trraiinnr in ins tteitgiit at lite prospect of rclea- ; "unfasten the trap he demanded. "Why, 1 thought you was out a slcigh-nuin with the gals. " was a" tne (lo'n of tnat villain, Job!" gasped the infuriated captain, his j teeth chattering with mingled rage and I com. -i won t siami i:ns sorioiming, I'll leave the place to-morrow." "As you please," said the farmer, to i whom the prospect of losing his guest ' was not altogether unpleasant. "I'm dreadful sorry thisshould have happened though and I'll tulk seriously to Job." "So will I," gashed the captain. "Ill break every bone in his body." But Job, wiser in his generation than the children of light, had taken particu lar care to go over to his grandmother's six miles across the snowy fields, to spend the night, and the only person the cap ttin saw was old Mrs. Westerbrook, sitting by the kitchen fire. "You've lost your chance, Captin," said she, good-humorcdly, "Dorcas Smith has just gone by, on ther way home from the sleighing party, and she says 5Iax Crossley brought Sibyl Harrington in his new cutter, and they're engaged." The captain went home the next day according to programme, and Mrs. Max Crossley has never seen him since. And when the affair came off. Job got a piece of wedding cake big enough to give him the dispepsia for a week. Scoldixg. What good does scolding do ? It does no one the least service, but creates infinite mischief. Scolding servants never do their work well. Their temper is aroused, as well as the mis tresses', and they very often fail in their duty at awkward moments simply to spite her and "serve her out." Very - wrong in them, doubtless; but human .....', . . . . naturc is frail, and service is a trying in stitution. It does go good to husband or child, for it simply empties the house of both as soon as possible. The difference; when a lady slipt on the sidewalk she gracefully sits down and that is the end of it. A man, however, always tries to catch himself with the other foot, drops alj his bundles and uses his arms for balancing-poles, struggles desperately for about ten seconds in vain endeavor to recover his equilibrium, and finally goes sprawling like a collapsed wind-mill, then he swears. Tlarpf r 8 jlagaziie for April, 1875. Hauper's Maoazixe for April offers fresh attractions to all classes of readers. It opens with a beautiful narrative by Miss Constance F. Woolson, amply and finely illustrated, of a summer tour among the mountains of Western North Carolina. The grand and picturesque scenery on the French Broad River is here graphically ortrayed by pen and pencil, and there are numerous character sketches always a prominent feature in Harpti't descriptive articles. .Readers who have followed Miss Thackeray's charming serial, "Miss An gel," will turn with special interest to the article by E. Mason on Angelica Kauffman, illustrated by some of that artist's finest etchings. The Sixth Paper of the First Century Series is contributed by the Hon. David A. Wells, and is an able and comprehen sive review of our progress during the century in Manufacture. A new and very important series of papers is commeneed in this number, en titled, "The Stone Age in Europe," add prepared by an eminent archaeologist, Prof. Charles Rau. The treatment of thr subject is scientific and modest the first installment relating to the Drift Period, and containing accurate illustrations of the human implements and auimal re mains of that period. The most entertaining and novel fea ture of this number is the Hon. S. S. Cox's paper on American Humor, which is characteristically illustrated. Mr. Cox makes his readers laugh while he is tell ing them cluj they laugh, James Parton continues his series of papers on Caricature, dealing this month with the "Caricatures of the Reforma tion." It is dilficult to decide which is the more interesting, the writer's brill iant essay, or the quaint and curious il lustration which he has carefully select ed from so many sources. The celebration this month of the quar tercentcnary of Michael Angejo's birth gives peculiar interest to Edward How land's paper on that artist, treating es pecially of his personal history, and giv ing prominence to his association with Victoria Colona and his beautiful son net. The two sericls, "Rape of the Gamp" and "Miss Angel," are continued ; and there are also three cspital short stories: "The Widow Case," by Rose Terry Cook; "A Lion in the Wny,"'by Harriett Pres cott Spnffbrd; and "Shinnecock," by Henry Eckford. The poems of the number are by R. H. Stoddard, Titus M. Coan, Will Wal lace Harney, and Louise Chandler Moulton. The Eay Chair recur's to the moral of Jcflerson's "Rip Van Winkle," and chats in a characteristic vein about Greville Merao'rs, St. Valentine's day and the sincerity of true courtesj. The Scientific Record is very comprehensive in its sum mary of scientific progress, ami the Draicer contains some hitherto unpub lished .anecdotes of President Lincoln. Old Son's. A pretty song is never lost ; somebody is cheered by it. The old, time-worn songs do not stir and enliven up like the new, but they are so resting when we need rest, so healing when we need balm. "Nearer, 5Iy God, toThee,"howstrngth ening it is! What power there is in it to lift a fainting christian on his feet. just after some awkwwd pause in a prayer meeting. "Do They Miss Me at Home?" is a cast off old song, yet many of us hum it on the sly at eventide. I know a Boston editor, whose gay little wife has a lonely father and mother among the highlands of New York. An abundance of new songs grace her piano, yet on a Iowery day, you would be attracted by a famil iar old song which dies out in saying, "I wish you were here." And such a thrill of feeling she puts into it, too. "The Star-Spangled Banner will lift a fainting invilid into a sitting posture, and he will tell you that he is refreshed, when tho same exertion would have worried him without the song. " Let those sing for us who can sing eo as to thrill us, make us laugh dance and flutter. The great poet turns our dis cords into harmony, for he knows well the pages of unwritten music and poetry that lie hidden in our simple souls. It is a great achievement to compose great songs, for it echoes so after we .ire gone. Like light from a star, it shines on and on after the orb has dropped from its place in the heavens. 3fr$. D. C. Rude. Boys Will be Boys. So thought the occupants of a Boston horse car, who listened to the story of a mischievous young lad who was telling an old gentleman why he liked the new master of one of our schools. The master, he said, was.n first-rate fellow, and then he had dismissed the school twice lately at 0:30 o'clock in the morning. "Why, what did he do that for T' asked the elderly gentleman: A iter the you th had had a good laugh he managed to explain that one of (he boys had put a piece of ice under the ther mometer, and sent the mercury down to for ty, and the m.uter thought the room was not warm enough to remain in. And the way the old gentleman laughed and shook told plainly enough that he had once been one of that kind ofbovs. Practical Effects of Uraor. Ml of our prominent representative men have had more or less of this facul ty, and use it as the tareit talisman to open the popular ear. John P. Hale, ever on a smile with his waggery ; Gen eral Houston, with his eccentricity; John Van: Buren, with his playful sar casm ; D. S. Dickinson, with his trench ant, Scriptural, practical, ironical hits ; Thomas Corwin with his inimitable drollery ; Thaddeus Stevens, with his dry and biting sarcasm ; and Proctor Knott, with his elaborate Duluthiana had the charm which drew the crowd and held men while they talked. The masses leap to hear a man of humorlike Butler, even when his speeches are full charged with diabolism, or to hear a minister like Beccher, and even from the pulpit await the inevitable laugh ! It is all the better if it lias point; but give the laugh with out point, rather than no laugh at all. There is no ruse so common as this, at least in the Wet, as the argumentum ad risum. Turn the laugh on your oppon ent, Sir Sophist and though he pile Pc lion on Ossa of argument, yon have him down ! This mav seem more creditable to our humor than to our sense. But let us see. One of the utilities of humor is the use made of it by our writers and speakers in what is called the reduciio ad abiurdum. This use may be abused ; but we cannot spare it for all that, so long as we have so many empirics in medicine, pettifoggers in law, demagogues in poli tics, pretenders in religion, and snobs in society. Our institutions are favorable to the growth of mushrooms. They grow up in a night around the roots of our wide-spreading freedom. We have the orists without sagacity, philanthropists without mortality, and practical men without sentiment. We have men who pass current for eagles, which a little touch from the point of humor reduces to tomtits. We hare vaunting patriots whose patriotism, as of old is scoundrel ism men who live, ay, who thrive, on the burning indignation poured upon them Such men wither, under ridicule to their proper dimensions. Ridicule never hurls an honest man. He alone can join in the laugh against himself. It is the Ithuriel spear, however, which makes the devil show himself as he is. Ridicule may not be a good test of truth, as Shaftsbury maintained, but it U not a bad test of fasehood. An old English poet says: "For he wh idiejnot trcmVcat tin- iword. Who ipuiU not with his head upt-i the block, Turn but a jest against hiui, I)e4 heart: Theshaftsofwit flip thmiuh the stoniest mail; There is no man alite who can Ihe down The unevtinuisluble laughter of nuukind." We are apt to condemn the writer or speaker who applies the Joitch stone of absurdity to th slmais and rascality of the day, even while we laugh with him. Rut Attic salt is as useful as Kanawha. The one preserves mess pork, the other moral puiity. Even when our hutsor i misapplied, it is the smiike evidencing the fire of fun which lies beneath the crust of our society. Hence the success of Nast and others with their terrible caricatures Th3 Hon. S. S. Cox, in Harper's Magazine for April. What jj Army of Toadstools Did. Did you ever think how strong the growing plants must be to force their way up through the earth ?' Even the green tips of the tiny blades of grass, that bow before a breath, have to exert a force in coming through, that, in proportion to their size, is greater than you would exert in rising from under a mound of cobble stones. And think of toad-stools what soft, tender things they arc, breaking at a touch. Yet, I can tell you they're quite mighty in their way. Charles Kingsley, the celebrated En glish priest and novelist, was a very close observer of nature. One evening noticed particularly a square flat stone. that, I should say, was about as long and as broad as three big burdock leaves, he thought it would require quite a strog man to lift a stone like that. In the morning he looked again, and lo ! the stone was raised so that he could see the light under it. What was his surprise to find, on closer examination, that a crop of toadstools had sprung up under the stone in the night and raised it up on their little round shoulders as they came! I'm told that Canon Kingsley gives an account of this in his book called "Christmas in the West Indies," but it was in England that he saw it. Knowing that he was so close an ob server, I shouldn't be one bit. surprised if he went still further and found out that one secret of the toadstools being able to lift the stone was that they didn't waste time and strength in urging each other to the work but each one did his very best without quarreling about whose turn it was, or whether Pink Shoulder or Brown Button was shirking his share. But then tho toad-stools must have been strong, too. Prom "Jack-in- the-Pulpil," St. Xicholat For April. It is reported that a somewhat juvenile dandy said to n fair partner at a ball: "Miss, don't you think my moustaches are becomina?" To which Miss replied, "well, sir, they may be coming, bat they ha v n't arrived yet." A vounir wife, caressing her lao-dos ! cried out with transport: "Oh, my Jewell, you are the dearest puppy in the v world except my husband." A Legal Aiaueiatar. A machine is to be pat up in every law office in New York city, and every thing transpiring in the courts is to be transmitted as the sale of stocks is sent to the hotels and financial institutions oftheeity. A lawyer will not have to go to court to know hat cases are on trial, vbat judgsaents are rendered, or what legal transactions take place in the courts. Everything transacted will go over the wires as stocks do now. Tlie arrangement will include all that is done in the sheriffs office; every judg ment and levy; every murtgaga and attachment ; every case tried, from the Justice's Court up to the Supreme, with every verdict and every disagreement. The putting up of the instrument is to cost about $250 each.;? Actiox. Men who have a half dozen irons in tl-e fire are not the ones to go crazy. It is the man of voluntary or compelled leisure, who mopes and pines and thinks himself into the mad house or the grave. Motion is all nature's law. Action is man's salvation, physical and mental; and yet nine ont of ten are wistfully looking forward to the coveted hour when they shall nave leisure to do nothing the very siren that has lured to death many a "successful" man. He only is truly wise who lays himself out to work till life's latest hour, and that is the man who will live the longest, and will-live to most purpose. There recently died in the North of France, at the age ot eighty-three, a miser who lived alone, and whose hat, when examined by the authorities after his death, proved a sort of gold mine. His pillow alone contained 19,000 francs in gold pieces of the time of Louis XV. and Louis XVI. He had a taste for old pieces. He had been robbed many times, and the thieves were generally detected through the antiquity of the money they stole. The total of the sums robbed from him in his life, for which men have been convicted and sentenced, reach 100,000 francs. An old lady, recently, in some court before which she was brought as a wit ness, when asked by one of the judges to take off her bonnet, obstinately refused to do so, saying, "there is no law to compel a woman to take offher bonnet.'' "Oh," replied one of the judge, "you know the law do you ? perhaps you would like to come up and sit here and teach us?" "No, I thank you, sir," said the woman, tartly, "there are old women enough there bow." Here are some proverbs which Alphonse Karr says are from the Russian : If you are a mushroom, let them put you in a basket. Debts are not noisy, but they keep one awake. One is not loved because he is hand some, but handsome because he is be loved. Make frieuds of the bear, -but keep hold of your hatchet." "Well, my son," said a Detroit father to his eight-year son the dther night: "what have you done to-day that may bo set down as a good deed f "Gave a joor boy five cents," replied the hopeful. "Ah, ha! that was charity, and charity is always right. He waan orphan boy, was he ?" "I didn't stop to ask," replied the boy ; "I gave him the money for licking a boy who spit in my dinner basket ! " A minister at a colored wedding who wished to lie humorous, said: "On such occasions it is customary to kiss the bride, but in this case we .will omit it." To which ungallant remark the bride groom pertinently replied: "On such occasions it is customary to pay the min ister $10, but in this case we will omit it." An inquisitive young man said to his mother's brother, Uncle James, how is it that you and aunt Sarah never agree ? Because my boy we are both of us of one mind, and have been ro ever since we were married. How is that, uncle ? I don't understand you. Why, my boy, yon see she always wants to be master and so do I- The Troy Timet says : "A pretty good story is told of one of Gov. Tilden's staff. It is said that when the individual refer red to first presented himself en militaire to his wife and little dahghter, the latter after gazing at him in wonder for a few minutes, turned to her mother and ex claimed 'Why, ma, that's not a rea!sold ier; it's pa!'" In England, recently, a tin of hecf, which had been prepared for tbe soldiers in the Crimea in 1856, was recently opened and its contents found perfectly sound and wholesome. "I am going to the poatofficc, Bob ; shall I inquire for you V "Well, yes, if you have a mind to, bat I don't think; you'll find me there." It has been discovered after saach la borious research, that the avsasaies ot Egypt are all that is left of tome of the "first families." In tbe next House of Representatives there will be eigfety-ric ex-rebel officers and soldiers and twenty-three Union officers and soldiers.