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i pi jww.ggWffagjSagfirtPm rS SSss? .' -J"" "WWW " s THE REGISTER. RATES OF ADVERTISING. - THE IOLA REGISTER. SPACE.. linen . 2 inch.. 3 inch... 4 Inch . J, Col... SCol.. 1 Col... 1 iftiilm.lGro. MOD t4 306S0 PUBLISHED EVERY SATURDAY. 4-oil 7 0U 10 00 13 00 10 00 IS 00 17 SO ALLISON ft l'KUKISS, Fcsusukbs. fed) -TOO u oo u oo a ob to oolis oo! a oo i; oo woo SO 00 IOLA, ALLEN COUNTY, KANSAS. 3Tranient and Legal advertiaementa must be paM for in advance. I ocal and Special Notices, 10 cents a line. AH letters in relation to business in any way connected with the offlce sbould be addressed to the PubUsnent and Proprietor. Auisox A Pcxxm. TEBHS-TWO DOLLAItS TEK YEAIt. VOLUME IX. IOLA, ALLEN COUNTY, KANSAS, MAY 29, 1875. NO. 22. OFFICIAX. PAPER OF COTJXTY. "$ 31 "..! "'v. S r 1?. X 1 $- 3t I V V gusitttf gixttttty. COUNTY OFFICERS. H.WTalcott Dbrrict Judge N-K Aran, Probate Jodie Win Thrasher, County Treasurer II A Xeedham, County Clerk U M Brown, ltegtster of Deeds J IllUcharda, County Attorney t'.M Miniiwn, Clerk District Court T K!Bryan .boiierintendent Public bcbooU I L Woodm, Sheriff Lyman Knoades,., Surveyor I Horrille, ) A W.IIowland, S ."..Commissioners Isaac Bonebrale, ) CITY OFFICERS. W C Jones Mayor J K Boyd v Police Judge ; w Apple, 1 V V Aivni. I JUBiehanls, Coancilmen Vf II Richards, I P Af Sitnmmn. I John Francis .Treasurer IV J fcapp Cleri. James Simpson, Street Commissioner wonn il nuns jaarauai CHURCHES. METHODIST EPISCOPAL. Comer of Jefferson avenue and Broadway St. Services every Sabluth at lllii a. m. and 7 p. m. Prater meeting Thursday evenings at 7 p. m. It. K. Jluni, Pastor. PRCSBTTEBIAX. Corner Madison avenue and Western street. Services 10J a. in. and 7 p.m. Sunday School at CXa.ra. BAPTIST. On Svcamore street. SerVlceseverySabbathat 10)ia. ra.and7p m. Praermeetiag on Thurs day evening. Church meeting at i p. m. on Saturday before the flrsr Sabbath in each month. Sabbatn School at 9Jf o'clock a m. C. T. Floyd, Pastor. $tcttt gotittits. IOLA LODGE, NO. 38, A. F. ft A Masons meets on the first and third Saturdays in every month Brethren in good standing are invited to attend. H. W. TALCO fT, XV. M. J. N. Wiutk, Sec'y. IOLA LODGE, NO. 21, I. O of Odd Fcl- lowshnld their regular meetings ever Iue ' dar cvcninz. in their kaRTnext door north of the post office isiting brethren in good standing, are invited to attend C. SI. SIMPSON, N. G. VT. C. Jov, Sec'y. . tltl$. LELAND HOUSE. BD. ALLEN, Proprietor. IOLA, Kansas. . This houe has been thoroughly repaired and refltted and is now the most ileainble place in the city for travelers to utiin. So iiann u ill Iw paretl to make tlie guests of the Lelaud feel at home. Bagyge transferred to ami from Depot lire or ensrgc. CITY HOTEL, 1-i lCIIAKD PKOCTOTt. Proprietor. Iola. X. Kansas. Muglc meals 23 cents. I) i lioard- ers one dollar ier clay. .5 ttcrucii5. NELSON F. ACERS, A TTOIIXEY AT LAW. Iola. Allen county XV Kanxos Has the onlv full and complete et of Abstracts of Allen count) . J. C. Mibrat. J. IL ISjriiAUiw, Count Attorney. MURRAY & RICHARDS, A TTORNEYS AND COUNSELORS AT LAW. A Money in sums from S-VX) 00 to 85,0 W 00 loaned on long time upon Improved Farms in Allen, Anderson, Woodson, and Neosho coun ties. iUtertlantovs. L. L. LOW, GENERAL AUCTIONEER. Iola, Kansas. Cries sales in Allen and adjoining counties. M. DeMOSS, 31. D., OFFICE over Jno. Francis ft Co.'s Drugstore Residence on Washington avenue, 2nd door south Neosho street. H. A. NEEDHAM, BOUNTY CLERK. Conveyancing carefully V aone, ana acknowledgements tacen Maps and plans neatly drawn. J. N. WHITE, T TNDERTAKER, Madison avenue, Iola, Kan U sas Wood coffins constantly on hand and Hearse always in readiness. MetalicBunal Cases furnished on short notice. , J. E. THORP, "OARBER SHOP on Washington avenue first JU door south of L.L Northrui.'a. Wood, Coal, Potatoes, Corn and Hickory Nuts taken in ex change for work. . H. REIMERT, TAILOR. Iola. Kansas. Scott Brother's old stand. Clotiung made to order in the latest ing and repairing done on short notice. D. F. GIVENS, " .TATCnMAKER. JEWELER, AND CLOCK VV uepairer, at the postomce, iota, ivansas. Clocks, Watches and Jewelry, promptly and neatly repaired and warranted A fine assort ment of Clocks, Jewelry, Gold pens and other lancy articles, wnicn will ue soiu cneap. Richards & Cowan Wholesale and Retail Dealers in GROCERIES. .Glassware, Queensware, Notions, &c. We keep a full assortment of Breadstufls con- sisting of FLOUR, CORN MEAL, BicfrMaMMmHoflr, AT WHOLESALE PRICES. SALT, In all quaatltias, from a Barrel to a Car load. WE PAY o",' Prioe For all kinds of Country Produce. South Side Public Square, Iola, Hiuuai. A A FLORIDA DAWN. Br WiU Wallace hahxxy. The moon is low in the sky, And a sweet south wind is blowing Where the bergamot blossoms breathe and die In the orchard's scented snowing; But the stars are few and scattered lie Where the sinking moon is going. With the lore-sweet ache a strain Of the night's delicious flutirg Stirs in the heart with as sw eet a pam As the Dower feels in fruiting, And the soft air breathes a breath of rain Over buds and tendrils shooting. For the sweet night faints and dies, Like the blush when lore confesses Its passion dusk to the cheeks and eyes And dies to its sweet distresses. And the radiant mystery tills the .kies Of possible luinincssCJ, Till the sun breaks out on sheaves; And mouths of pink perfume. Where the milky bergaiuot slakes its leaves; And the rainbow's ribbon bloom, Of the soft gray mist of the morning, weaves A rose in the rose's loom. The fog, like a great white cloth, Draws out of the orchard and corn, And melts away in a film of froth Like the milk spraon the lhorn; And out of her chamber's blush and loath, Like a bride comes the girlish morn. -Harper1 Marjazlnt for June. TUB THUTIIFUL RCSOLVER. Mr. John Upandownjohn had the mis fortune to be a strictly honest man, in which particular he stood lamentably alone. He was constructed peculiarly he was born into an atmosphere of integ rity, and his training had added to his natural bent to a degree that made him as incapable of an untruth, or the sem blance thereof, as George Washington himself. Having this tendency, it was well for him that he was born with a fortune, for his rigid adherence to his principles unfitted him for almost every occupation. He did try journalism, but was dismissed ignomiuiouily for saying of a candidate of tho party with which the paper acted, that he was a thief and a trickster. Then he essayed the law, but he saw enough of law before he had been in an office two weeks, while medicine lasted him scarcely a week. So ho deter mined to do nothing but lie on his in come and be an honest rain. He adopted certain rules by which he Hied, and he could no more depart from them than he couldisc from the eartlt and take a place among the stars. He ate exactly so much, at certain fixed hours, and of certain kinds of food. He drank so many times a day, of certaiii liquors he fancied were good for him, measuring the quantity with the accura cy and precision of an apothecary : and so far did he carry rule iuto iife, that he put on and off his clothes in certain days in certain months, without reference to weather. I saw him shivering one bright but very cold morning in June, and de manded the reason. "I laid off my woolens this morning," said he. uWhy lay off your woollens in winter weather?' I asked. "The 1st of Juno is my day therefor," said he. "The weather ought to be warm to-day I cannot break my rule." He never neglected to pay a debt, and never told a lie, not even a white one. He was cut out of an aunt's wilj, by re sponding an to how she looked in a cer tain dress which she had set her heart on, with the simple word "hideous." And the same devotion to truth barred him, no matter what path he took. He was frightfully unpopular, though, notwithstanding he held a high position among his fellows. His child-like sim plicity andsterling integrity made him valuable, and besides every one knew that his devotion to truth was honest, and had nothing of bumptiousness or malice in it Mr. Upandownjohn was a member of the Leviathan Club. I write the word wax sadly, for he is a Leviathan no more. The cause and manner of his leaving that delightful association of good men is the animus of this paper. The members of the Leviathan were pleased with the appearance of Mr. Up andownjohn, and made much of him. Had they known him better they would have loved him less, for his peculiar vir tue was never popular in that club. He excited attention, first by his habit of correcting loose talking members when their statements were highly flavcreed with romance; as for instance, when one gentleman asserted that his father owned Flora Temple when she was a colt, using her lis common hack, and selling her finally for fifty dollars, Mr. Upandown john quietly put him down. "I knew your father," he said, "and a worthy, truthful man he was. He died just three years before Flora Temple was foaled. The mare he used for a hack and sold for fifty dollars must have been some other famous animal. Flora Tem ple will some day be the death of me. Every rasing season some one narrates the circumstance of his father having owned Flora Temple and worked her as a hack, and, what is more exasperating, he always sold her for fifty dollars. Would that I could find one man whose lather sold her for sixty dollars or sixty-two dollars and fiftv cents. You, my dear sir, are the sixty -eighth man this season whose father once owned Flora Temple. She was the most extensively owned mare I ever knew any thing about." On another occasion a gentleman de tailed with great minuteness how, in do ing the regular thing at Niagara by go ing under the sheet, the wind parted the torrent and he stepped oat upon the shelf outside, when, to his horror, the opening closed, leaving him outside the falling sheet on a narrow ledge of rock With great presence of mind he darted through the falling sheet and rejoined the frightened party, who supposed him lost forever. Mr. Upandownjohn took pencil and paper, and worked all night and the next day without sleeping or eating. The next evening he exhibited to the hero of this marvelous adventure the weight of the water in that sheet, and demonstrat ed to him the fact that, had he got under it. he would have been mashed, though he had been constructed of steel. "Are you sure it was Niagara?" he asked anxiously. "Wasn't it some other fall." One day a member died, and the club did the usual thing by him. A commit tee was appointed to draft resolutions ex pressing the bereavement of the members, and, as ill luck would have it, Upan downjohn was put upon the committee. They met, and, as is always the case, two of the members really had no time to attend to it One had an engagement at the theater, the other was to take his sister or some one else's to the opera. "Upandownjohn," said the first, "you have nothing to do and are handy with the pen. There is no earthly necessity for keeping us here. You just write out the usual resolutions, and send them down to the Screamer, the Soarer, and the Spottier in time for to-morrow morning." "How shall I treat the deceased?" asked Upandownjohn. "0, in the usual way. Speak of his qualities as a man, the feelings of the club at his untimely Uking-off, the sour ces of consolation we 'tave, his qualities aa an actor; hurl in sn-nething to allevi ate the pangs of his ft ily ; speak of his general standing, anil ,i it in a strong dose of general comfort, an 1 so on. It II be all right You'll atte.i J to it now, won't you?" "It is a disagreeable duty," replied Upandownjohn, "but I will do it." And they left him t.i his work. Now Mr. Upwlownjnhn had no expe rience in work of this kind, anil conse quently he wasn't clear as to its form. So he sent for the scrap book, in which such utterances of the club hid beeji pasted from the beginning. There were a great many sets of resolutions o'i de ceased m mbjH (the liquors were bad at the Lcviathvi), and they were precisely alike! They ran as follows: Where vs, It his pleased Almighty God, the ruler of the Universe, to remove from our midst our estimated brother John James So and so ; and Wuebevs, It is fit that we, his afflic ted survivors of the Leviathan Club, should publicly express our sore grief at this great bereavement; therefore be it- ResoheJ, That in the death of John James So-and-so, this club has lost a worthy member, society an ormment, his family an affectionate father and hus band, the State a pillar and defender, and the world at large one it could illy spare. Resolved, That while we mourn with sorrow that seems to have no alleviation under the great affliction that has fallen upen us, we cannot but bow in humility to this inscrutable decree. Resohed, That we tender our heartfelt sympathy to the family and relatives of the deceased. Resolved, That the Club House be draped in mourning for thirty days in memory of the deceased. As he finished, Mr. Upandownjohn brought his fist down on the table till the glasses jingled. "What stuff this isl" he said indig nantly. "I knew So-and-so. He was a dishonest and untruthful man a tyrant in his family, a trader in politics, a disa greeable man in society, and a curse to humanity generally. And they mourn him, do they ? And I suppose they want me to mourn. Ranter, who is to be em balmed to-night Ha! ha! I will aston ish these people. I will write one set of honest resolutions. I knew Ranter, who has just gone hence, and justice shall be done him, sure. I will be as mild as I can be, and do him justice, but I will be honest with his memory." So Mr. Upandownjohn called for fresh pens and ink and paper, and wrote ; and having made fair copiesof what he wrote, took them himself to the offices of the Screamer, the Spottier, and the Soarer, and went home and slept as only he can sleep who rejoices over a duty done and well done. The next morning the members of the Leviathan were astonished at reading in the journals the following : Whereas, By a long course of most outrageous dissipation, of late nights, of late suppers of the grossest food, of per petual beverages of the most villainous kind those that give the stomach no show whatever by uncecked and unreg ulated indulgence in the worst possible sensuality, in brief, by a long continued series of the vilest outrages upon the physical, mental, and moral man, our late member, Arthur Simpson Ranter, has been taken to that bourne from which we earnestly hope he may never return ; and Whereas, When a member .of the Leviathan Club expires, it is customary to commemorate him, to give him a send off, as it were ; therefore, be it Retolved,ThaXjmhen we remember the villainous habit he had of revoking at whist, and also his adroit way of sliding out of paying the score whenever he lost the rubber, our grief at his departure is severely mitigated, if not entirely sub dued. Resolved, That the promptness of our late association in accepting invitations to slake his thirst, and his intolerable tardiness in reciprocating, did more hon or to his head than to his heart Resolved, That his habitual untruthful ness, utter disregard of his word, and his blustering and overbearing manner, were the best points in htm, as they served as a warning to the younger membersof the club. For this his demise is to be la mented. Resolved, That his habit of gcttin; boozy before 11 a. m., and staying in that condition as long as there was a good natured man in the club, gives ns, his survivors, good reason to pause and ask no more that conundrum "Why was death introduced into the world?" Resolved, That when we remember the success with which our late brother bor rowed money, and his utter forgetfulness of such transactions, our hearts are sof tened towards Adam and Eve (through whose sin death was made part of the economy of nature;, and we publicly thank that lady and gentleman for their investigating turn of mind, and hurl back indignantly the charge that they did not do the best thing possible for posterity. Resolved, That in the death of oar late brother, who was vile as an actor as he was bad as a man, the long suffering theater-going public have a boon, the sweetness of which cannot be over-stated, aud upon which we extend them hearty congratulations. Resolved, that we congratulate Mrs. Ranter upon the fact that her private fortune was settled upon herself, and so skilfully tied up that her late husband, our deceased brother, ould not cet a cent of it. And we do this, rememberingr how often we have mourned that it was so, for the reason, that, could he have touched it, he would have drunk him self in to an untimely tomb several yean sooner than he did. Death, with us. buries all animosity and does away with all acrimony. Resolved, That the Club House be illu minated the night of the funeral, and be draped in white for thirty days in honor of this happy event. Resolved, That this truthful tribute to the memory of our deceased brother be published in the Screamer, the Spottier, and the Soarer. To say there was an uproar in theflub the next morning, as these resolutions were read, would be to convey a very faint idea of the case. In the midst of it, when it was at its height entered Up andownjohn, cleanly shaved, and as se rene as a June morning. "Did you write and publish this miser able mess this ghastly concotion of in fernalism V demanded a score of indig nant men. "Did I write these resolutions, you mean? I did. I was appointed a com mittee to embalm the memory of the late Ranter in the daily papers. I did ft Do you find anything objectionable in them ?" "Why, you assert that he was a sponge !" exclaimed one. "Unhappily it is the truth. I have myself paid for gallons of liquor fur him." "You said lie was a bad actor." "The worst I ever suffered under." "What will his wife think of what you said of him V "She will recognize the portrait and with us thank Heaven for her release." "You have given it as the sense of the club that he was " "Everything that was bad, mean and disreputable. Very good. It is true every word of it He owes me thirty- seven dollars, sixty-three cents and a third, which he has owed (it was bor rowed) since July 9, 1871, at twenty- seven minutes past ten o clock in the evening. And every man of you is also his creditor. If there is a mean thing that he has not done, it has escaped my notice." By this time Mr. Upandownjohn saw that his fellow members were angry, and he at once lost his ballance and became angry too. Brandishing his umbrella (it was not raininc, but as it was the time of month when it should have rained, he carried it), he exclaimed : "Gentlemen, you have had one set of resolutions written which contained nothing but the truth, not the whole truth, for my time was limited, and it was impossible to get in all that I could have said, and besideS I desired to be as lenient as possible. Having writ ten nothing but truth, you are offended. It is well. I will have nothing to do with a club where the truth cannot be told. Truth, if not the immediate jewel of my soul, is very close to it Gentle men, adieu. You have seen the last of John Upandownjohn. Should I stay, I might be called upon to resolve over some of your remains, and as I cannot tell a lie, it would be unpleasant" And that afternoon tho directory re ceived his resignation, and he was seen there no more. There is no particular moral to this. There are very few men in the world of whom it would be pleasant, as the world now goes to tell the .truth. Therefore, all who read these lines live, as does he who writes them, so that when azrael waves his dark pinions over them, they may lie down and die, feeling certain that when the committee on resolutions, though they may be as truthful. as Upan downjohn, will say nothing that will call a spirit blush to their cheeks in the here after. D. RZoctein National Monthly. Whisky Rings 1794-1875. In 1790 there was nearly 5,090 public and private whisky stills in Pennsylva nia. The private stills were the proper ty of farmers who worked np their sur plus rye and corn into whisky, and by thus reducing its bulk made it available as an article of commerce. Corn juice was at that timo as much a staple article of consumption as beef, pork, or flour. Everybody drank whisky. Almost every body imbibed with an unclouded con science. The preacher warmed his rhet oric with a little old rye, and the good deacon thought it no harm if the power of the spiritual exercises were somewhat enhanced by'the sustaining influence of a well built toddy. Whisky was a pow er in those days, so strong that it, at one time, seemed in a fair way to disrupt the Union and upset the Father of his Coun try. The trouble broke out in the four western counties of Pennsylvania, and was called the "Whisky Insurrection." It had its origin in an excise laid upon whisky by the advice of Hamilton, then Secretary of the Treasury ; a tax -made necessary by the assumption on the part of the Fedeial Government of the debts of the several States. The sum to be raised in view of this added debt amount ed to about $826,000 per annum, and Congress, in 1791-2, attempted to provide for it by a tax upon imported spirits, and an excise upon whiXy. The duty on imparted spirits varied from twenty to forty cents a gallon, the exe'se varied from nine to twenty-five cents per gallon on spirits distilled from grain, and from eleven to thirty cents when the m itcrial was milasses or any imported product Small stills, not easy of access were to pay an annual rate of sixty cents p;r gallon on their esti mated capacity. Each State was put under a Supervisor of Internal Revenue, and un lcr him were district inspectors, gaugers, etc. Presidant Washington, soon after the tax was voted, took a tour among the Southern States affected by it, and through his personal influence, doubtless prevented any serious opposition. But in the North the disaffection was foment cd through the so called "Democratic political societies," in sympathy with which, to a greater or less degree, were Jefferson, then Secretary of State, Ran dolph, Attorney General, George Clin ton, and the anti-Federalists. In 1791, sustained by hopes of support from other disaffected Motions, and even contemplating successful secession from the Union as a possible result of resist ance to the excise, the Pennsylvania in surrectionists carried matters with the utmost insolence and reckless contempt of the Federal anthority. United States officials attempting to exercise their office were siezed, tarred and feathered, whipped and forced to resign their com mission or leave the country, and some times to do both. Gen. Neville, a con spicious patriot of the Revolution, who, when the news of Lexington reaced him, raised a company at his own expense, and marched them to Boston, depending on his personal services and popularity, at tempted to pacify the insurrectionary districts and collect the tax. As a result he was besieged in his own house, eight miles from Pittsburgh. He sent to the garrison at that place for reinforcements. Twelve regulars went to his aid. The next day five hundred infuriated Regula tors, "Sons of Liberty" they called them selves, approached. Neville, through the entreaties of his friends, finally consented to leave the premises. An attack was made. After some shooting, the out buildings surrounding the mansion of Neville were fired ; the flames commuuL cated with the main building. The soldiers promptly surrendered, and the residence of Gen. Neville, the finest at that time west of the Allegheny Moun tains, was reduced to ashes. This and other similar instances of violence brought matters to a crisis. Gov. Mifflin of Pennsylvania was opposed to coertion, so that Washington, in order to employ the military, procured the cer tificate of one of the Judges of the Su preme (U. S.) Court that the execution of the laws was obstructed in the insur rectionary district. Upon this a procla mation was at once issued, calling upon the insurgents to disperse and submit Fifteen thousand volunteers were called for, and apportioned to the contigu ous States of Virginia, Maryland, and New Jersey as well as Pennsylvania. Gov. Mifflin sunk the politician in the patriot, and from the eastern portion of Pennsylvania secured the quota assigned to his Siate. The troops rapidly concen trated at Bedford.- Washington, and Hamilton, Secretary of the Treasury, joined them. They crossed the moun tains with difficulty, and after much suf fering. The display of overwhelming force scared the insurgents, their councils became divided; the ringleaders fled the country ; the con rage of the rest oozed out, and the authority of the Govern ment was restored without serious oppo sition. Informers flooded the camp of the invading army and guided dragoons to the mountain gorges and secluded valleys where clandestine whisky had been manufactured. The Government was prompt, ruthless, and sweeping in its seizures and prosecutions. Suspected parties were seized and sent to Philadel phia for trial. A detachment of volun teers was re-enlisted for six months and quartered in the disaffected district, and, as a result of their efforts, the insurgent whisky makers became the most "truly loyal" people in the country. It was the hardest ring George Wash ington ever attempted to fight. It in cluded congressmen, prominent politi cians, and members of the Cabinet It was fostered for partisan by probably the most efficient secret political organiza tion ever establsshed in this country. It was aided by prevalent discontent arising from entirely distinct causes; yet the ring was broken ; the power of the nation was augmented, and the self-respect of the Government maintained through the moderation, firmness and decision of his advisers. The job undertaken by Presi dent Grant and Secretary Bristow, in 1875, is, iu view of all the circumstances, mere child's play, when compared tr the raid made by President Washington and Secretary Hamilton upon the whisky ring of Pennsylvania in 1794. Chicago Post and Mail. Would not Marry a Mechanic. A young man commenced visiting a young lady, and .seemed to be well pleased. One evening he called when it was quite late, which led the young lady to inquire where he bad been. . "I had to work to-night" "What, do you work for a living?" she inquired in astonishment "Certainly," replied the young man, "I am a mechanic." "I dislike the name of a mechanic," and she tnrned up her pretty nose. This was the last time the young man visited the young lady. Ue is now a wealthy man, and has one of the best women in the country for a wife. The young lady who disliked the name of a mechanic is now the wife of a miserable fool a regular vagrant about grogshops and the soft, ardent, silly, miserable girl is obliged to take in wash ing in order to support herself and chil dren. You dislike the name of a mechanic, eh? you whose brothers are well-dressed loafers. We pity any girl who' is so ver- dent, so soft, to think less of a young man for being a mechanic one of God's no blemen the most dignified and honora ble personage of heaven's creatures. Beware, young ladies, how you treat young men who work for a living, for you may one of these days be menial to one of them. Far better to discharge the well-fed patipsr with all his rings, jewel ry, brazenness and pomposity, and to take to your affection the callous handed industrious mechanic. Thousands have bitterly repented their folly who have turned theirbacks on honest industry. A few years have taught them a severe lesson. Snake-Charncrs at Benares. One morning two snake-charmers called at the hotel. Around their necks hnge boa-constrictors were twined, and each carried jars of smaller snakes, and one of scorpions. The performance consisted in taking the venomous snakes from the jars in which they lay coiled, and, in picking them up, the men placed their fingers in the reptiles' mouths tantalizing them to frenzy, and then wrapping the whole about their heads and necks, where the hissing, writhing mass pre sented a frightful spectacle. A cobra bit the finger of one of the men twice, and each time ho immediate ly ntfde use of various charms placed a small round stone over the cut flesh, smelt of a piece of wood resembling flag- root, and then used it for marking a cir cle about his wrist This he told me would effectually prevent the absorption of the poison into the system. The stone draws out the blood, and with it, of course, the virus. It is gennerally sup posed, however, and with much reason, that the poison glands of the cobra have kbeen removed in the first instance by the crafty snake-charmers. Several times the cobras advanced nntil within a foot of my chair, but turned back at com mand of their masters. During the en tertainment one of the men played at intervals upon a sort of flageolet The scorpion divertissement consisted in string ing numbers of them together (as the whips of the Furies were made), which the men then hung upon thir lips, nose and ears. Frank Vincent, Jr. ScrSmeror June. The following anecdote has been re- susciated in Boston, under the excite ment of the Lexington and Concord cel ebrations: While the British troops were marching through Old Cambridge, one of them said, jestingly, to a farmer sowing seed: "You may sow but we shall reap." "Well, perhaps yon may," was the reply, "for I am sowing hemp." Our strength often increases in propor tion to the obstacles which are imposed upon it; it is thus that we enter upon the most perilous plana after having had the shame of falling is more simple oses. The Smith System. The "Smith" method" of calculating the population of cities may be new to some of our readers. Chicago and St. Louis, those jealous rivals, have been trying it It is claimed that in the United States there is one Smith to every 510 persons. The St Louis direc tory shows 906 Smiths, and by applying the other factor in Uie'calculatiou the population is shown to be 480,2-10. This being published in a St. Louis paper, a Chicago editor rises to remark that the Smith family there materializes much better than that He finds 1,390 Smithy 48 bmyths, Smifs, Schmidts, eta, making in alll,!"?. no multiplies this by 540, and behold Chicagos population looms up to 776,520. As he proclaims the re sult, ho casts a glance of mingled pity and scorn at the insignifficant little village over in Missouri. X. Y. Mail. They Dido t Take ia Washing. A good old minister of one of our New England Baptist churches was agreeably surprised by the intelligence from one of his flock that five individuals had ex pressed a desire on the next Sunday to have the baptismal rite performed upon themselves. After its performance how ever, he was somewhat chagrined that only one of the five joined the society of which he was pastor. A few Sundays after the same woithy elder waited on him with the intelligence that ten more desired immersion. 'And how many of them will join tho society?" queried the minister. "Two I regret to say, are all we can depend upon," was the elder's reply. , "Very well," said the good old man, "you miy as well inform the eight that this church doesn't take in washing." Horace Maun used to tell a story of a conversation he once had with an inmate of a lunatic asylum at Worchestcr, Mass., whose peculiar mania resulted from an inordinate development of the bump of selfesteem. "What's the news? Has any thing unusual happened of late, sir?" inquired he with a consequents! air. Mr. Mann happened "to recoHeet that a furious storm had occurred 'some'' days previous, gave him some account of it, mentioning that on theseacoast it was very severe, several vessles having been driven ashore and wrecked, with the loss of many lives. "Can you remember, sir, what night in the week that happened f ' eagerly inquired the listener. Mr. Mann said he believed it was tho night of Tuesday. "Ah ?' said the lunatic, with an aii of solomnety, mingled with tri umph, and, lowering his voice to a whis per, "I can account for it, sir! That is the night I whistled so. I must be more careful in the future." In a letter to the New York Tribune on national debts, ex-Secretary McCuI loch says that the debt of this country adjusted and notadjusted at the close of the war, or rather at the disbandoning of the federal army, was not less than $3,000,000,000. On the first of March last it was $2,137,315,086, the reduction in nine and one-half years having been $862,684,411, or at the rate of over t0, 000,000 per annum. Nothing like this, the ex-secretary says, and nothing at all comparable to it, illustrates the financial history of any country. There is sometimes an unconscious humor in tho very seriousness of our New England people. A farmer was telling a neighbor about his wife's illness. "She was subject to nervous epells;" one day she was up and the next day she was down, and it was dreadful bad. "Do you think she will die V asked the sym pathizing neighbor. "Wall no; I guess not," was the reply ; "she ain't apt to !" A short time since a noble savage came to a certain agent in the northern part of Iowa to procure some whisky for a warrior, who had been bitten by a rat tlesnake. "Four quarts f repeated the agent with surprise ; "as much as that?' "Yes," replied the Indian ; "four quarts snake very big." A young man stepped up to a lovely young lady on the steps at a church, and crooking his elbow said, "May I have the indescrible plsasuro of accompanying you to the parental domicile 7" "Spell domicile," said she. He gave it up, and she unhesitatingly gave him the mitten. There is no quality of mind or of body that so irresistibly, instantaneously, cap tivates as wit An elegant writer has observed that wit may do very well for a mistress, bat that he.should prefer rea son for a wife. An Arkansas woman has applied for a divorce, her complaint being, "Fve been married thirty-one years, have worked all the time like a slave, and have never been to a circus or lived in a house that had parlor-folding doors." An agreeable figure and winning man ner which inspires affection without love are always new. Beauty loses its relish, the graces never; after the longest ac quaintance they are bo less agreeable than at first A Vermont lady fainted away at a party, and when a young man cried out for some one to saw her corset strings ia two, shearose and drew a pair of shears, and said she'd like to see 'ess saw.