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THE IOLA' REGISTER. OHAS. P. OOTT, PuMlfthWW TOLA. - KAS8A5 The Story of a Wreck. Thrilling and Romantic Account of a Mutiny at Sea. BY W. CLARK RUSSELL.' CHAPTER 1. .mere was every appearance or a southwesterly wind. The coast of France was rapidly fading from sight The sun stood within an hour of setting beyond a bleak foreland. The north wind, which had rattled us with an acre of foam at our bows right "away down the river, was dropping fast and there was barely enough air to keep the royals full. The whole stretch of scene was lovely at that moment, full of the great peace of an ocean falling asleep, of gently moving vessels, of the solemn gathering of shadows. The town ot Deal wa3 upon the starboard bow, a warm cluster of houses, with a windmill on the green hills turning drowsily; here and there a window glittering n ith a sudden beam of light; an inclined beacli in the foreground, with groups of boats high and dry upon it, and a line of foam at its base.'which icing upon the shingle so thatyou could hear it plainly amid intervals of silence on board the shin. I was in a proper mood to appreciate this beautiful, tranquil scene. 1 was leaving England for a long snell; and the tight of this quiet little town of JJeal ami the grand old l'orcland culls shutting out the sky, and the pale white shores we had left far astern, went right to my heart Well, it was just a quiet leave-taking of the Old Country without words or sob. "The pilot mtans to bring up. I have just heard him tell the skipper to stand by for a light sou' westerly breeze. This is a most confounded nuisance! All hands, perhaps, in the middle watch to get underway." "I expected as much," said I, turn ing and confronting a short, squarely built man, with a power of red hair under his chin, and a skin like yellow leather through thirty years' exposure to sun and wind and dirt all oer the world. This was the chief mate, Mr. Ephraim Duckling, confi dently assumed by me to be a Yankee, though he didn't talk with his nose. I had looked at this gentleman with eomo doubt when I first met him in the West India Dock. He had blue ejes, with a cast in the port optic. This somehow made him humorous, whether or no, when he meant to be droll, so he had an advantage over other wit. He iiad hair so dense, coarse and red withal, that he might safely have been scalped for a door- j mat. ms legs were snort, and Ins body very long and broad, and I .guessed his strength by the way his arm tilled out, and threatened to burst up the sleeve of his coat when ho bont it. So far he had been polite enough to me, in a mighty rough, fashion in deed; and as to the men there had been little occasion for him to give or ders as yet. "I expected as much," said I. 'I doubt if we'll fetch the Downs before the calm falls." "There is a little wind over the land, though, or that mill wouldn't be turn ing." Some of the hands were on the fore castle,' looking and pointing toward the shore. Others stood in a "group near the galley, talking with the cook, a fat, pale man. with flannel shirt sleeves rolled above his elbows. The pigs in the long-boat grnntc.i an ac companiment to the chattering of a mass of hens cooped under the long boat. The skipper stood on the weather side of the poop, against the star board quarter-boat, conversing with the pilot. ILtvo before you a tall, well-shaped man. with iron-gray hair, a thin, acpiilinc nose, a short, compressed mouth, small, dark eyes, which looked at you imperiously from under a per fect hedge of eyebrow, and whitish whiskers, which" slanted across his cheeks, dressed in a tall hat, a long monkey-jacket and square-toed boots. Captain Coxon was a decidedly 'good-looking man. I had hcaro. be fore I joined the Grosvenor he, was a smart seaman, though a bully to his men. But this did not prejudice me. I thought I knew my duties well enough to steer clear of his temper. J. lie pilot was a little dusky-laced man. with great bushy whiskers, and a large, chocolate-colored shawl round his throat, though wc were in August. I was watching these two men talking, when Duckling said: " It's my belief that wo shall have trouble with those fellows forward. When wc trimmed sail off the North Foreland, did you notice how they went to work?" "Yes, I did. And I'll tell you what's ho matter. As I was going forward after dinner, the cook stopped me, and told me the men were grumbling at the provisions. He said that some of Ofe pork served out stunk, and the bread was moldy and full of weevils." "Oh, is that it?" said Duckling. Wait till I get them to &ea, and 1 11 give them my affidavit now, if they like, that then "they'll have something to cry over. There's a Portugee fellow among them, and no ship's company can keep honest when one of those fel lows comes aboard. He went to the break of the poop and stared furiously at the men about the galley. Some of them grew uneasy, and edged away and got round to tfie other side ot tne gallev; others, of those who remained, folded their arms and stared at him back, and one of them laughed, which put him in a passion at once. "You lazy hounds!" he bellowed, in a voice of thunder, have "you nothing taget about? Some of you get that cable range there more over to ' wind ward. You, there, get some scrubbing brushes and clean the long boat's bot tom. I'll teach you to palaver the cook, you grumbling villains!" and he made a movement so full of menace that the most obstinate-looking of the iellow.s got life into them at once, and bustled about I looked at the skipper to see what he thought of this little outbreak; but neither he nor the pilot paid the small est attention to it; only when Duckling bad made an end, the pilot gave an order which was repeated by the chief mate with lungs of brass: "Aft here, and clew up the main sail and furl it!" The men threw down the scrubbing brushes and chainhooks which they bad picked up, and came aft to the nain-dcckln a most surly fashion. Duckling eyed them liko a mastiff a cat I noticed some smart-looking hands among them, but they all to a man put on a lubberly air; and as they hauled upon the various ropes, I heard them putting all manner of coarse, violent expressions, having reference to the ship and her officers, into tlieir songs. They went up aloft slowly and laid out along the yard, grumbling furi ously. And to show what bad sailors they were, I suppose, they stowed the sail villainously, making a bunt that must have blown out to the first capful of wind. Meanwhile, Duckling waited until the men were off the yard and descend ing the rigging; he then roared out: "Furl the mainsail!" The men stopped coming down, and looked at the yard and then at Duck ling; and one of them -said, in a sullen tone: "It is furled." I was amazed to see Duckling hon off the deck on to the poop-ran and spring up the rigging; I thought he was going to thrash the man who had answered; and the man evidently thought so too, for ho turned pale, and edged sideways along the ratline on which he stood, while he held one of his hands clenched. Up went Duck ling, shaking the shrouds violently with his ungainly, sprawling way of climbing. In a moment lie had swung himself upon the foot-rope, and was casting off the yardarm gaskets. I don't think half" a dozen men could have loosed the sail in the time taken by him to do so. Down it fell, and down he came, handover list, bounded up the poop-lauder, and without loss of breath, rcarc d out: "Furl the main-sail!" The men seemed inclined to disobey; sonic of them had already reached the bulwark; but another bellow, accom panied by a gesture, appeared to decide them. They mounted slowly, got up on the yard," and thi3 time did the job in a sailor-like fashion. Tm only beginning with them," ho said, in his rough voice, to me; and then glanced at Coxon who gave him a nod and a smile. The pilot now told me to go forward and sec every thing ready xor bringing up. The royals and top-gallant sails were clewed up and furled, and then the or der was given to let go the top-sail halliards. Down came the three heavy yards rumbling along tho masts, with the sound of chain rattling over sheaves. The canvas fell into festoons, and the pilot called: "All ready forrard?" "All ready." " Let go the anchor!" "Stand clear of the cable!" I shouted. Whack! whack! went the carpenter's driv'ng-hamnicr. A moment's pause, then a tremendous splash, and the ca ble rushed with a hoarse outcry through the hawser-hole. When this job was over I waited on the fore-castle to superintend the stow ing of tho sails forward. The men worked briskl y enough, and I heard one of them who was stowing the fore-lop-mast stav-sail sav: "that it was good luck the skipper had brought up. Ho didn't think he'd be such a fool. This set me wondering what their meaning could bo; but I thought it best to take no notice, nor repeat what I had heard, as I considered that the less Mr. Duckling had to sa' to the men the better we should all get on. It was half-past seven by the time the sails were furled, and the decks cleared of the ropes. The hands went below to tea, and I was walking aft when the cook came out of the galley, anil said: "Beg your pardon, sir; would you mind tasting of this?" And he handed me a bit of the ship's biscuit. I smelled it and found it moldy, and put a piece in in' mouth, but soon spit it out "I can't say much for this-, cook," said 1. "It's not lit for dogs," replied the coos.. -Mint so iar as 1 ve.secn, all uie prov -j-ions is uie same. j. no sugar s 1 like mud aud the molasses is full of grit: and though I have been to sea, man and boy, two-and-tweiity year, I never saw te.i like what they've got 011 board this ship. It ain't tea it makes the liquor yallcr. It's shavings, and wot I say i, regular tea ain't shav ings." "Well, let the men complain to tho captain," I answered. "He can re port to the owners, and get the ship's store condemned." "It's my belief they wos condemned afore they came on board." answered the cook. "I'll hot any man a week's grog that they wos bought cheap in a dook-yard sale o' rotten grub by order o' the Admiralty." "Give me a biscuit," said I, "and I'll show it to the captain." He took one out from a drawer in which he kept tho dough for the cuddy's use, and 1 put it hi my pocket aud went aft CHAPTER IL I will here pause to describe the ship, which, being the theater of much that befell me which is related in this story, I should place before your eyes 111 as true a picture as I can draw. " The Grosvenor. then, was a small, full-rigged ship of live hundred tons painted" black with asingle white treak below her bulwarks. She was a soft wood vessel, built in Halifax, X. S. Her lines were very perfect Imiccd, the beautv of her hull, herloftv masts. staj'cd with as great perfection as a man-of-war's, her graceful figure-head, sharp yacht-like bows, and round stern had filled me with admiration when I first beheld her. Her decks were white and well kept She had a poop and a top-gallant forecastle, both of which I think the builder might have spared, as she was scarcely big enough for them. Her richly carved wheel, brass belaying pins, brass capstan, brass bin nacle, handsome skylights and other such details, made her look like a gay pleasure-vessel rather than a sober trader. Her cuddy, however, was plain enough, containing six cabins, including the pantry. The wood-work was cheaply varnfshed mahogany; a fixed table ran from the mizzen-mast to within a few feet of the cuddy front, and on cither side this table was a stout hair-covered bench. Abaft the mizzen-mast were the two cabins re spectively occupied by Captain Coxon and Mr. Duckling. My own cabin was JHSt under the break of the poop, so that from tho window init I could look out upon the main-deck. A couple of broad skylights, well protected with brass wire-fenders, let plenty of light into the cuddy; and swinging trays and lamps, and red curtains to draw across the skylights when the sun beat upon them, completed the furniture of this part of the vessel. We could very well have carried a few passengers, and I never learned why wc did not; but it may, perhaps, have happened that nobody was going our way at the time we were advertised to sail. We were bound to Valparaiso with general cargo consisting chiefly of toys, hardware, Birmingham and Shef field cutlery and metal goods, and a stock of piano-fortes. ' The ship to my thinking, was too deep, as though tho owner had compensated themselves for the want of passenger-money bv taking it out" in freight I readily foresaw that we should bo a wet ship. and that we should labor more than was comfortable in a heavy sea. The steerage was packed with light good, bird cages, and such things bnt space was' left in the 'twecn-decks tkough the cargo came flush with the deck in the hold. However, in 6pito of being over loaded, tho Grosvenor had beaten every thing coming down the river that day. I came aft, as I have said, after leav ing tho cook, and finding that the skip per had gone below with the pilot, I went down tho companion ladder to tho cuddy, followed by Duckling. It was dusk in the cabin and the Tamps were lit, although it was still daylight upon the sea. The skipper sat near the mizzen mast stirring the sugar in a cup of tea. The coarse littlo pilot was eating bread and butter voraciously, his great whiskers moving as he worked his jaws. Duckling and I seated ourselves at the tabic. "There's a breeze coining up from the sou' west sir," said ho to the captain, "but I don't think there's enough of it to swing tho ship." "Let it coma favorable, and we'll get under way at once," answered Coxon. "Mr. Royle, what's going forward among tho men? I heard them cursing pretty freely when they were up aloft." "They are complaining of the ship's provisions, sir," 1 replied. "The cook gave me a biscuit just now, and I promised to show it to you." Saying which I pulled the biscuit out of my pocket and put it upon the table. Ho contracted his bushy eye brows, and, without looking at tho bisr cuit, stared angrily at me. - "Hark you, Mr. Royle!" said he, in a voice I found detestable for tho sneering contempt it conveyed. "I allow no officer that saib under me to become a coulidaut of my crew. Do you understand?" I Hushed up as I answered that I was no coulidaut of the crew; that the cook had stopped me to explain the men's grievance, and that 1 had asked him lor a biscuit to show the captain as a sample of the ship's bread which tho steward was serving out "It's very good bread," said the ol sequioits pilot, taking up the biscuit while he wiped the butter out of the corners of his mouth. "Eat it then!" I exclaimed. At this Coxon flew into rage. "Eat it yourself," he cried with a violent oath. "Yo.i'ro used to that kind of . fare, I should think, and like it, or von wouldn t be bringing it into the cuddy in jour pocket, would you, sir?" I made him no answer. I saw that Duckling sided with the captain and thought it would bo a bad look out for me to begin the voyage with a quarrel. "I'll trouble 3-011 to return that bis cuit to the blackguard who gave it to you, and tell him to present Captain Coxou's respects to the men and tell them if they object to the ship's bread, thoj-'ro welcome to take their meals with the pigs in the long boat'.' I made what dispatch I might with mv tea, not much desiring to ro- I main in company with Coxon in his present temper, i lancy lie grew a little ashamed ot himself presently, for he softened his voice and now and again glanced across at me. As soon as possible I quitted the table, giving Coxon a bow as I arose, which "he returned with a sort of half ashamed stiffness, and repaired to my cabin to get my pipe for a half hour's enjoyment on dec la Having procured and lit it I stepped on the forecastle to sec that the lamps were all right and that there was a man 011 the look-out nv onwv in f'-.. f,ir..,.i.t,. .,u- jmr ju subdued voices a oices and the hot air I that came up through the scuttle was intolerable as I jnissed it 1 then re. gained the poop, and seated myself upon the rail leading from tho niiain royal and top-gallant masts. The sun had gone down now, and only faint traces of daylight remained in the westward. The inmates of the cuddy still kept their seats and their voices eamc out through the open sky-lights. 1 heard Captain Coxon saj-: "I should like to know what sort of a fellow they have given me for a sec ond mate. He strikes me as coming the gentleman a tritle, don't he. Duck ling?" To which the other replied: "He seems a civil-spoken young man, and up to his work. But 1 guess there's too much molasses mixed with his blood to suit my book."' The pilot laughed, and said: "Here's your health, sir. Men of your kind are wanted now-a-days, sir." It was plain from this speech that the pilot had exchanged his tea for something stronger. The captain here began to speak, but I couldn't catcli his words, though I strained my ears, as I was anxious to gain all the in sight I could into his character, that I might know how to shape my beha vior. I say this for a very weighty reason I was entirely dependent on the pro- fessiou I had adopted. 1 knew it was in the power of any captain I sailed with to injure inc, and perhaps ruin my prospeels. ' Every thing in seafar ing life depends upon reports and tes timonials; and in these day, when de mand for officers is utterly dispropor tionate to the immense supply, owners arc only too willing to listen to objec tions, and take any skipper's word as an excuse to decline your services or get rid of you. Neither the Captain nor Mr. Duckling appeared on deck again. The pilot came up and looked about him, but took no notice of me, although I was in plain sight mid after looking about for a few minutes returned below. to be continued. An old story tells of a smart York shire lad. who had insulted a gentle man by calling him "Pontius Pilate," and was severely whipped by the schoolmaster. With every blow of the rod the master told the boy never to say "Pontius Pilate" again, and the boy remembered it Next Sunday, while being catechised and repeating the creed he made the astonishing statement that Christ was "born of the Virgin Mary, suffered under Timothy Wilkins, schoolmaster." A firm here wrote to a Western piano dealer who owed them money: "Dear Sir Will you be kind enough to send us the amount of your bill? Yours truly:" To" this the firm re ceived the following reply: " Gentle men Your request is granted with pleasare. The amount of my bill is 575. Yours very truly." Musical Courier. CURIOUS RAILWAYS. Tracks ItdoaTrae-Taaei Over lea, tatfte Air and Underground. In a small book entitled' "Wonders and Curiosities of tho Railway," the author, Mr. W. S. .Kennedy, touches on the anomalous and entertaining fea tures of his subject in chapters bearing such suggestive titles as "The Light ning Harnessed," "The Locomotive in Slippers," "The Luxuries of Travel." and "A Handful of Curiosities." The average reader who has not made rail way building a special study, will per haps be astonished to learn that there have been railroads, not only nndcr the ground and in the air, but among the tree-tops and on the ice, while the model of even a submarine railway has been exhibited. It appears that some time ago a loco motive on sled-runners was constructed in Scotland, and employed for drawing passengers and freight over the ice be tween St Petersburg and Cronstadt The two driving wheels in the rear were studded with sharp spikes, whereas the front part of the engine rested on a sled which was swivelcd, and turned to the right or left bj' wheels working in con nection With an endless screw and a segment rack. From this locomotive, which is said to have run eighteen miles an hour in any direction, the transition is natural to railroads whose ties and track have been laid 011 the frozen sur face of rivers. Mr. Kennedy tells us that in 1S7S), when the mcrcurj-stood twenty degrees below zero, a train of the Northern Pacific railroad passed over tho Missouri river on ice three feet thick. The pressure which the ice re sisted may bo estimated from tho fact that the track was laid on twelve foot ties, and that the c.irs carried over a quantity of railroad iron as well as a number of visitors. About a year after a similar road was built across the river St Lawrence atlloehclaga. In this in stance a rough road-bed was first level ed in tho ice; then crossbeams were fitted in, and upon these were placed longitudinal beams which were them selves crossed by the tics that held the rails, water being then pumped over the whole structure to freeze ituown. Even more novel is the idea of grading for a railroad through a forest with a cross-cut saw, and laying the tics on the stumps. This has actually been done in Sonoma County in this State. Here tho trees were snwed oft and lev eled, and the trcs fastened on tho stumps, two of which wero huge red woods, standing side by side, and sawed off seventy-live feet from the ground. So firm is this support that cars lo.ided with heavy logs can pass over with per fect security. It is not generally known that in 1S.')D no less thaa fifty-two miles of the projected road of tho" Ohio Rail road Company was laid on wooden piles, which were from seven to twenty-eight feet long, and driven ten feet apart in four row. No train, however, was ever run over this track. Several wooden track railways, on the other hand, aro actually operated in the United States aud Canada. One of these, in tho prov ince of Quebec, is thirty miles long, and is used in tho transportation of timber. The rails are of maple, and trains are said to run over them with remarkable smoothness, at the rate of twenty-live miles an hour. Another wooden-track railway, more than fifteen miles long, has been constructed on the grading of the abandoned South Carolina Central railroad, in order to carry tho products of turpentine distilleries to a market Still more curious are what Mr. Ken nedy would call the bicycle railways, where tho car wheels riiu on a single rail. One called tho "steam caravan" was begun in Syria, between Aleppo and Alexandrctta, but apparently never finished, in the case of this experiment the rail was raised on a wall of masonry twenty-eight inches high, and seventeen aud one-half inches broad. On this 0110 rail were to travel tho wheels of tho locomotive and the carriages attached, but it was intended to brace tho en gine and the last car in the train by obliquely placed leather-covered wheels, running along the sides of tho wall, which wheels wero further to servo as brakes. A single rail, arbicyeto rail road, has also been built in the United States, and was in operation at Fhccnix villc. Pa., in 187G. Since that date a two-wheeled locomotive has been made in Gloucester, N. J., for an elevated ral road in Atlanta, Ga. With these bieyclc engines may bo compared the railway velocipedes, many of which, wc learn, are used on Western railroads. These, which have a wheel on each track, can be propelled by the feet and hands of the rider at the rate of twenty miles an hour. It will probably bo news to most per sons that in 1876 at Paris, one Dr. La Combe exhibited the model of a sub marine railway which he proposed to lay on tho bottom ot the channel be tween Dover and Calais. On a road bed of concrete, three galvanized iron rails were to be placed, two for the track and one in the center. To the central rail the car was to bo attached by rollers, in order to prevent it being de railed bv the waves. Thu boat-car was to be air-tight, and driven by a propel ler screw worked bv compressed air. fresh air was to bo stpplied to the oc cupants of tho car by a tube running up to the surface of tho water, where it would be affixed to a buoy. Finally, a series of buoys on the surface would mark out the track' of the car, which, in case of any accident, could be cut loose below, whereupon it would rise to the surface. San Francisco Argonaut. Health and Work. There are many persons in the world whose only capital is health. They are engaged in work of various kinds, and so long as health lasts they earn a good living. They must learn how to avoid illness by living in the right way. Others there are who have lived wrongly in youth, but have found out their er rors in time to have a fairly good con stitution left These may live to a ripe old age healthfully, if they only take care. Others there are with "every thing that riches can give; these must learn to live rightly, too, if they want to be well. ' Plain food, exercise, etc, will enable these to live long, as they arc uot troubled by the necessity of work so that they may live. Wealth comes not from our income, but from the amount we save of it; so health comes not from the amount we have to go on with, but from the amount wo save, by not spending it on trifles which waste our strength and give us no re turn. Dr. T. It. Allison. The Elyton Land Company of Ala bama is a profitable concern. In tho last nine months it has paid 8290,000 in dividends to the stockholders. This is 90,000 more than the original invest ment The par value of the stock is S100. but $1,200 per share has been re fused for it VINEGAR-MAKING. Three Simple Method Which Ua re Stood Succeftafnl Testa. Vinegar-making is a very shnplo pro cess. Almost any sweet liquid, if left exposed to the action of tho atmosphere for a few weeks, will change to acetic acid. An old recipe is as follows: "Ex pose a mixture of one part of brown sugar by weight with seven parts of water and some yeast, in a cask whose bung-hole is only slightly covered over, as by a piece of gauze pasted down to keep out insects, for some weeks to the action of the atmosphere and sun. The addition of a few grape vine leaves will hasten fermentation and improve the quality of the vinegar." Vinegar makes much faster in summer than in winter unless kept in a heated room. Another method is to uso potato water. "Take a quantity of potatoes, wash them till thoroughly clean, then place in a largo kettle and boil till done. Drain off the water carefully, straining if necessary in order to remove ovcry particle of the potato. Put this clean potato water in a clean cask, which should be kept in a warm place, and add one pound of sugar to each ten quarts of water, and some hop yeast In three or four weeks an excellent quality of vinegar may bo expected. it potatoes are scarce tho water from each day's boiling for tablo use may bo saved. Another recipe which was tested in the editor's family last winter and found good, is to tako ono quart of common field corn, picked over and washed clean, then put up in a pan or pail and cover with warm water. Let it stand on tho back of a warm stove all night In tho morning, when the stove is hot, set tho dish with the corn over the fire and let it boil several times, at least till the grains burst open, keeping tho corn constantly covered with water. Then strain off tho water aud add to it till you have three gallons. To cadi gallon add three-quarters of a pound of brown sugar. If you have a little "mother" that has formed on other vinegar add a little of that and set in a warm place in open vessels or casks with the bungs out. In a few weeks j ou will have good vinegar at a low cost. K E. Farmer. CRUSHING A DUDE. How Uncle I'lill Armour Salted a Turo I.rfjCCil 1 1 o ; Millionaire Phil Armour has a pleas ant custom of buying a suit of clothes once a year for each of his office em ployes. This year all but ono of the boys visited a certain tailor on the South side and wero measured for suits rang ing in price from $30 to 35. The ex ception was a dudo, who scorned tho selections made by his colleagues. He wanted something" gorgeous and tight fitting. After pawing over the fashion plates of the tailor he finally selected a piece of goods which would cost 125 to build into garments. When tho tailor, a few weeks later, sent his item ized bill into the big pork packer the latter made inquiries for the purpose of finding out whether this young man with such aesthetic taste was really so unfortunate as to have to work. "Is hu at work in any of our depart ments?" Mr. Armour asked, turning to one of his lieutenants. "Yes; ho works in tho room," was the reply. "Eh, eh; has ho drawn his money for this month?" "No, sir; not yet." Wnll tlion m frot tiia Qnlnn- nnrl give it to me. and tcfi him I want to sec him at once." When the dude tripped up to tho mil lionaire the latter cleared his throat and said: "Young man, I liko tohavo my clerks consider themselves on an equality with one another. In looking over the tailor's bill I find that you rate yourself 1)0 higher than the figures your col leagues place upon themselves. As I sec no tangible proof of your great worth to this establishment, it gives me much satisfaction to present to you your month's salary together with my esti mate of your value your dismissal from my service. Remember, I'm an expert on hogs and know how to salt them." Chicago Herald. m a A GREAT PUZZLE. The Arithmetical Problem Which a Sara togn Mngnato Tailed to Solve. There is one summer boarder at Sara toga who, if not of the social swim, is in it and has never failed to be present during the season for tho past thirty years. Ho is known as tho old pop corn man. Men may come and men may go, and women too, but he appar ently goes on forever. He is lop-sided and'larac, talks with a drawl, aud is as homely as a hedge-fence, but clean and neat in his appearance. His voice is a cross between a sick cat and a fog-horn, as it begins with tremendous volumes, but sinks into a crescendo-diminuendo. then dies in an exasperating silence. His refrain is always the same: "Po-p-cor-n. Nice po-p-co-m, F-r-c-s h p-o-p-corn." "Jim, how much is your pop-corn?" said a swell one day. "S-h-i-1-l-in' erpint, Po-p-c-o-r-n nice p-o-p-c-o-r-n!" he bawled. "Now, Jim," continued the swell, "how much docs a pint of pop-corn come to at a shilling a quart?" "L-o-o-k in y-o-u-r own jograffy! P-o-p-c-o-r-n, nice p-o-p-c-o-r-n!" yelled the old man. One day he appeared at tho door of the Union Hotel just as a lady of severe social distinction was coming out: "M-i-s'B-r-o-w-n,ohM-i-s'B-r-ow-n," he stammered, "kin jer 'rithmetic?" Then he showed her a piece of shingle on which a long sum was done in chalk. -I ke-a-r-n-t m-a-a-ke it-out!" he said in a troubled voice. "I-I k-e-r-n-t m-a-a-ke out heow much a p-pound of p-pork comes to at t-t ten cents a pound!" Detroit Free Press. Frank B. Graham and Lottie Pelle grini, of Atlanta, wanted to marry, but her parents said "No." So Frank and Lottie went to the park and sat down and waited till a friend brought a cler gyman. Then, not rising, for fear of attracting the attention of the many passing pedestrians, they joined hands, the ceremony was performed, the min ister gave them some good advice and walked away, and the bride went to her home and the groom to his. Three or four days later Lottie's parents heard of all this and told her to bring her hus band home and be just as happy as she could be. N. Y. Sun. At Merced, CaL, a harvester driving-wheel struck'a bowlder, producing sparks which set fire to the standing grain, and 240 acres of wheat 550 acres of grass, and 150 acres of stubble were burned. BABYLONIAN CHESTNUTS. How Hippo, Hebachadaezsar's Chamber lain, Eotertataed HU Aagast Matter. It came to pass on a certain night that the great King Nebuchadnezzar, having attended lodge, was aweary when he returned to the palace, and his mind was disquieted within him. He lay down upon his bed; but sleep fled from his eyes and slumber from bis eyelids. He, therefore, called unto his cham berlain, and said nnto him: "My sleep goeth from me. Where fore, I pray thee, tell me what to do that I may sleep, ere I hew thee into mince meat, am' make thy father's house a by word in this great "city of Babylon." Now the chamberlain's name was Hippo. And Hippo was sore affrighted, and his knees smote together, and he said within himself : "What shall I do? For I am in sore plight My master takcth in the town with the boys, and straitway expectcth mo to reduce the abnormal exaggeration ot ins cranium. This he saith to himself. Then he spcaketh aloud: "O, King, live forever! I will bring unto thee the daily Babylon Blowpipe, and read aloud the funny column there of. So shalt thou be soothed, and thy sleep shall return unto thee again." Then spake Nebuchadnezzar: "Thou sayest well, O, Hippo! As I never read tho papers, it will be amus ing to me, doubtless." Then Hippo, the chamberlain, having brought the" file, began to read, saying: "A horseman magnificently arrayed passed through this city this morning. Ho was clothed in a suit of armor of solid gold, and his helmet of burnished gold was set with precious stones ex ceeding rare. His horse was a price less Arab of tho purest blood. On in quiry ho was found to bo a plumber of Damascus, come hither ou his way home from his vacation." "Ha, ha, ha!" laughed Nebuchad nezzar; "how oft have I been charmed by these plumber jokes. When j-et a liltle lad, my nurse did tell them to me my nurse," Susanbee Anthonec. But read the next, O, Hippo!" And Hippo read: "An aged man crawled slowly into tho office of a Tigris street merchant yesterday, and handed a letter to the chief clerk, and the ohief clerk carried it to his master. " 'Yes,' said tho master, in astonish ment: 'this is a reply to a letter I sent by a messenger bov "fifty Acar since.' "'Yes,' remarked "the man who brought it; I have now brought yon the answer.' " "What!" exclaimed Nebuchadnezzar, in glee: "doth tho,messenger boy joko still live? How well I remember read ing it in tho 'Annals of the Ark.' I be lieve Noah told it first But read some more!" And Hippo read: "A damsel residing near the Sheep Gate was seen emerging from the front door a few mornings since, one carried a -tablespoon, which she laid carefully on the curbstone. " 'What do ye with the spoon?' asked her father. " 'Sir!' she replied: 'it is that the ice man may have where to place our sup ply ot ice. " "Good!" exclaimed the King; "my granulathcr was addicted to just such pleasantries with the ice-man. Let us have some more!" Hippo saw that his master was getting some what sleepy. So he saith: "Thn.nnTf O. TCincr la in mtrnrtl in o goat, and depicteth him in the act of making a meal from circus posters.'1 "Ah!" said Nebuchadnezzar; "the goat survives, too, does he? I used to read just such things when I was a boy, in an almanac a thousand years old, preserved in my cabinet of curiosities. What is the next one about?" "The mule, O, King." "Read it not, for the possible jests on the mule and his hinder hoofs are en graved on the obelisks of ancient Egypt What are tho others about?" "Tho next treateth of ice-cream; the one following mentioneth base-ball um pires in a trifling manner, and the last spcaketh flippantly of a mother-in-law." But Hippo read none of them aloud, for, even as he spoke, Nebuchadnezzar fell into a deep sleep, from which he did not awake until next day at eleven o'clock, railroad time. Win. II. Sivilcr, in Puck. He Lived by Stealing. Bluff Lawyer Were you over in jail? Witness No, sir. "You were never arrested for theft?' "Never, Sir." "Come now, you can't say that you never stole any thing?" "Well, no, I can't" "Ah, I thought sol In fact you have stolen a good dcaL" "Y-e-s." "You make your living by stealing. Now don't you?" "For the last three rears, sir." "Do you hear that gentlemen of tho jury? A creditable witness, indeed Quite frank, however. Yon admit that you make your living by stealing?" "Yes, sir. I belong to the 'Orions,' I steal bases." Philadelphia CalL Wanted an Earthquake. "Oh, Miss Brown, who was that very homely young lady you were with this afternoon?" "That sir? That was my sister." "Oh ah I I beg ton thousand par dons! I ought to have noticed the great resemblance! That is that is " Then he wished an earthquake would happen right then and there. N. T. Sun. m m m An Unearned Reputation. Feathcriy was blowing his tea to cool it off while Bobby regarded him with in tense interest "What's the matter, Robert?" said the old man. "Don't you know that it is very impolite to stare at a person in that way?'' "Huh?" responded Bobby. "You said he was the biggest blower in town. Ho can't blow any harder'n I can." N. Y. Sun. Following Instructions. Mamie Now.Tommy, don't be a pig: You've got my cake and yours, too. I'll just run and tell ma. Tommy Go on, tattle-tale! Ma won't do nothin'. Mamie You just bet she will when 1 tell her. Tommy She won't, neither. Only this mornin' she tole me I always must take your part So, smarty! Eambler. A California farmer who owns s separate water right recently refused $1,500 per inch for all be will sell txam hie canyon. tfSEFUL AND SUGGESTIVE. Keep bo more animals than csn be comfortably accommodated,' otherwise they prove an expense rather than profitable. 2V. Y. Tribune. The currant worm should be de stroyed while small, with dust of helle bore or pyrcthrum. The latter, being perfectly harmless, is to be more highly recommended. N. Y. Telegram! Every farmer should prevent the killing of birds on his place. Boys witk cheap shot-guns pepper away at every thing with wings; and when the birds are dead tho insects eat up the farmer's produce. Troy Times. Plow the heavy land and leave it ia the rough condition so that the frost can penetrate and render it fine. There is no better-agency for pulverizing tough toils than frost it will also at the same time destroy the cutworm. Chicago Herald. Those who havo tried it say that string beans can be had the year round, as a rarity, by picking them and salting them, just as you do cucumbers. When to be used, take them from the brine and freshen them; then cut and cook just as you do in warm weather. They report them as very toothsome and a nice change of diet Boston Budget. If your hogs lack material to build up their bony and muscular tissues, suppose you try an experiment and feed them lime, powdered bones. gras3 and oats for muscle. When you feed, see that every hog is present at roll-call, and alwa3s seek the absent one. as there is generally something wrong with him, and that is the one to watch. Albany Journal. An excellent practical farmer re marked a year or two ago that he con sidered a good clover "seeding worth from 10 to $15 an aero. This is moro than the profit on any grain crop, and it can be had when grain is sown by the outlay of $1.25 to 1.50 for clover seed Hero is a profit of 1,000 per cent in six months, without interfering with other crops. Western Rural. All China that ha3 any gilding upon it may on no account be rubbed with a cloth of any kind, but merely rinsed, first in hot and afterward in cold water, and then left to drain till dry. If the gilding is very dirty and requires pol ishing it maynow and then bo rubbed with a soft piece of wash leather and a little dry whiting; but this operation must not be repeated more than onco a a year, otherwise the gold will most certainly be rubbed off and tho china spoiled. Boton PosL Clean napkins should be laid away in a chest or tirawer, with some pleas ant cleanly herb, as lavender or sweety grass, or the old-fashioned clover, or bags of oriental orris root, put between them, that theso may come to the tablo smelling of theso deliciously fresh sub- sianccs. looming iskcs away mo ap petite of a nervous dyspepticso certain ly as to have a napkin come to him smelling of greasy soap. There is a laundry soap now in uso which leaves a very unpleasant odor, and a napkin often smells so strongly of it as to tako away the appetite. The Household. m m FASHIONS FOR LADIES. Timely Gossip About Various Matters ot Domestic Interest. Skirts are worn very short, and shorter behind than before. Feather bands are tho preferred trim mings for now wraps. White lace is to supersede the cream tint so long in fashion. Yokes of velvet are a feature of silk dresses for autumn and winter wear. That rough woolen stuff called San glier (boars) cloth is more in fashion than ever. Bronze is combined with pale blue, palo pink, light green, salmon and poppy color. English gowns am made in severely simple styles, but are exquisitely fitted, and well sewed. Gray watered silk is combined with black cashmere and black camcl's-hair in gowns for elderly ladies. Undcr-pctticoats of silk in dark and light colors, white and black, are made with gathered pinked flounces. Hair ornaments are combinations of ribbon loops thickly massed and sur mounted by herons' aigrettes. Sashes of woolen material, corre sponding to the dress with which they are worn, are trimmed with embroidery or fringe. Rough ' camcl's-hair fabrics, plain, striped, plain and crossrbarred, are among the favorite dress-goods for tailor-made frocks. The most elegant Parisan women re fuse to wear very prominent bustles, but for all that there is a threatened revival of crinoline. Waists are long, but postillions and pointed fronts are short but accurately peaked, while the corsage is cut very short over the hip lines. White lace jabots arc worn with high bodices and are fastened with gold or jeweled pins arranged according to the dictates of the wearer. Bright yellow in small quantities bid i fair to take the place or share the favor with vivid red, so long popular as a brightener of dark violets. White eider-down jackets will be worn as driving wraps over light dresses tho autumn through. These jackets are becoming stylish and extremely com fortable on a ccol day. The new fall wrappings challenge ad miration, and the styles are of the most varied and mixed description, showing an indescribable blending of visitc, cor sage, jacket mantle and pcrelinc. A capote of bronze felt has the brim bound with pale pink vol vet A cluster of nodding ostrich feathers massed is front and an aigrette form the trim ming. The short strings arc of pink; velvet ribbon. Buttons arc in great variety. Those of metal either have etchings and raised designs or are of filigree work. Tho old-fashioned way of covering button molds with the material of the dress is again revived. V. Y. Mail and Ex press. Bogus Butter in Bengal. The native community throagboat Bengal has been greatly excited lately by the discovery that extensive adulter ation is carried on in the manufacture of ghee, or clarified batter, an article in daily use in every native household. The intensity of tho popular feeling on the subject is accounted for bv the fact that the adulteration is effected! either with beef and mutton fat. tho eating of which is a deadly sin in the eyes of the Hindus, or with lard, which the Mohammedans consider unclean food. Both Hindus and Mohammedans have called oa the Government to pro tect then by legislation, and have urged the necessity for immediate action, so that the measures might come into force before the Doorga Pooja and Mo hurrum, the great festivals of the twa religions. A Y. Post.