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The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, November 05, 1886, Image 7

Image and text provided by Kansas State Historical Society; Topeka, KS

Persistent link: https://chroniclingamerica.loc.gov/lccn/sn83040340/1886-11-05/ed-1/seq-7/

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Vt 4
The Story of a Wreck.
Thrilling and Romantic Account of
a Mutiny at Sea.
.mere was every appearance or a
southwesterly wind. The coast of
France was rapidly fading from sight
The sun stood within an hour of setting
beyond a bleak foreland. The north
wind, which had rattled us with an
acre of foam at our bows right "away
down the river, was dropping fast and
there was barely enough air to keep
the royals full. The whole stretch of
scene was lovely at that moment, full
of the great peace of an ocean falling
asleep, of gently moving vessels, of the
solemn gathering of shadows. The
town ot Deal wa3 upon the starboard
bow, a warm cluster of houses, with a
windmill on the green hills turning
drowsily; here and there a window
glittering n ith a sudden beam of light;
an inclined beacli in the foreground,
with groups of boats high and dry upon
it, and a line of foam at its base.'which
icing upon the shingle so thatyou could
hear it plainly amid intervals of silence
on board the shin.
I was in a proper mood to appreciate
this beautiful, tranquil scene. 1 was
leaving England for a long snell; and
the tight of this quiet little town of
JJeal ami the grand old l'orcland culls
shutting out the sky, and the pale white
shores we had left far astern, went
right to my heart Well, it was just a
quiet leave-taking of the Old Country
without words or sob.
"The pilot mtans to bring up. I have
just heard him tell the skipper to stand
by for a light sou' westerly breeze. This
is a most confounded nuisance! All
hands, perhaps, in the middle watch to
get underway."
"I expected as much," said I, turn
ing and confronting a short, squarely
built man, with a power of red
hair under his chin, and a skin like
yellow leather through thirty years'
exposure to sun and wind and dirt all
oer the world. This was the chief
mate, Mr. Ephraim Duckling, confi
dently assumed by me to be a Yankee,
though he didn't talk with his nose. I
had looked at this gentleman with
eomo doubt when I first met him in
the West India Dock. He had blue
ejes, with a cast in the port optic.
This somehow made him humorous,
whether or no, when he meant to be
droll, so he had an advantage over
other wit. He iiad hair so dense,
coarse and red withal, that he might
safely have been scalped for a door- j
mat. ms legs were snort, and Ins
body very long and broad, and I
.guessed his strength by the way his
arm tilled out, and threatened to burst
up the sleeve of his coat when ho bont
it. So far he had been polite enough
to me, in a mighty rough, fashion in
deed; and as to the men there had
been little occasion for him to give or
ders as yet.
"I expected as much," said I. 'I
doubt if we'll fetch the Downs before
the calm falls."
"There is a little wind over the land,
though, or that mill wouldn't be turn
ing." Some of the hands were on the fore
castle,' looking and pointing toward
the shore. Others stood in a "group
near the galley, talking with the cook,
a fat, pale man. with flannel shirt
sleeves rolled above his elbows. The
pigs in the long-boat grnntc.i an ac
companiment to the chattering of a
mass of hens cooped under the long
boat. The skipper stood on the weather
side of the poop, against the star
board quarter-boat, conversing with
the pilot.
ILtvo before you a tall, well-shaped
man. with iron-gray hair, a thin,
acpiilinc nose, a short, compressed
mouth, small, dark eyes, which looked
at you imperiously from under a per
fect hedge of eyebrow, and whitish
whiskers, which" slanted across his
cheeks, dressed in a tall hat, a long
monkey-jacket and square-toed boots.
Captain Coxon was a decidedly
'good-looking man. I had hcaro. be
fore I joined the Grosvenor he, was a
smart seaman, though a bully to his
men. But this did not prejudice me.
I thought I knew my duties well
enough to steer clear of his temper.
J. lie pilot was a little dusky-laced
man. with great bushy whiskers, and
a large, chocolate-colored shawl round
his throat, though wc were in August.
I was watching these two men talking,
when Duckling said:
" It's my belief that wo shall have
trouble with those fellows forward.
When wc trimmed sail off the North
Foreland, did you notice how they
went to work?"
"Yes, I did. And I'll tell you what's
ho matter. As I was going forward
after dinner, the cook stopped me, and
told me the men were grumbling at
the provisions. He said that some of
Ofe pork served out stunk, and the
bread was moldy and full of weevils."
"Oh, is that it?" said Duckling.
Wait till I get them to &ea, and 1 11
give them my affidavit now, if they
like, that then "they'll have something
to cry over. There's a Portugee fellow
among them, and no ship's company
can keep honest when one of those fel
lows comes aboard.
He went to the break of the poop
and stared furiously at the men about
the galley. Some of them grew uneasy,
and edged away and got round to tfie
other side ot tne gallev; others, of those
who remained, folded their arms and
stared at him back, and one of them
laughed, which put him in a passion at
"You lazy hounds!" he bellowed, in
a voice of thunder, have "you nothing
taget about? Some of you get that
cable range there more over to ' wind
ward. You, there, get some scrubbing
brushes and clean the long boat's bot
tom. I'll teach you to palaver the
cook, you grumbling villains!" and he
made a movement so full of menace
that the most obstinate-looking of the
iellow.s got life into them at once, and
bustled about
I looked at the skipper to see what
he thought of this little outbreak; but
neither he nor the pilot paid the small
est attention to it; only when Duckling
bad made an end, the pilot gave an
order which was repeated by the chief
mate with lungs of brass:
"Aft here, and clew up the main
sail and furl it!"
The men threw down the scrubbing
brushes and chainhooks which they
bad picked up, and came aft to the
nain-dcckln a most surly fashion.
Duckling eyed them liko a mastiff a
cat I noticed some smart-looking
hands among them, but they all to a
man put on a lubberly air; and as they
hauled upon the various ropes, I
heard them putting all manner of
coarse, violent expressions, having
reference to the ship and her officers,
into tlieir songs.
They went up aloft slowly and laid
out along the yard, grumbling furi
ously. And to show what bad sailors
they were, I suppose, they stowed the
sail villainously, making a bunt that
must have blown out to the first capful
of wind.
Meanwhile, Duckling waited until
the men were off the yard and descend
ing the rigging; he then roared out:
"Furl the mainsail!"
The men stopped coming down, and
looked at the yard and then at Duck
ling; and one of them -said, in a sullen
tone: "It is furled."
I was amazed to see Duckling hon
off the deck on to the poop-ran and
spring up the rigging; I thought he
was going to thrash the man who had
answered; and the man evidently
thought so too, for ho turned pale, and
edged sideways along the ratline on
which he stood, while he held one of
his hands clenched. Up went Duck
ling, shaking the shrouds violently
with his ungainly, sprawling way of
climbing. In a moment lie had swung
himself upon the foot-rope, and was
casting off the yardarm gaskets. I
don't think half" a dozen men could
have loosed the sail in the time taken
by him to do so. Down it fell, and
down he came, handover list, bounded
up the poop-lauder, and without loss
of breath, rcarc d out:
"Furl the main-sail!"
The men seemed inclined to disobey;
sonic of them had already reached the
bulwark; but another bellow, accom
panied by a gesture, appeared to decide
them. They mounted slowly, got up
on the yard," and thi3 time did the job
in a sailor-like fashion.
Tm only beginning with them," ho
said, in his rough voice, to me; and
then glanced at Coxon who gave him
a nod and a smile.
The pilot now told me to go forward
and sec every thing ready xor bringing
The royals and top-gallant sails were
clewed up and furled, and then the or
der was given to let go the top-sail
halliards. Down came the three heavy
yards rumbling along tho masts, with
the sound of chain rattling over
sheaves. The canvas fell into festoons,
and the pilot called:
"All ready forrard?" "All ready."
" Let go the anchor!"
"Stand clear of the cable!" I shouted.
Whack! whack! went the carpenter's
driv'ng-hamnicr. A moment's pause,
then a tremendous splash, and the ca
ble rushed with a hoarse outcry through
the hawser-hole.
When this job was over I waited on
the fore-castle to superintend the stow
ing of tho sails forward. The men
worked briskl y enough, and I heard one
of them who was stowing the fore-lop-mast
stav-sail sav: "that it was good
luck the skipper had brought up. Ho
didn't think he'd be such a fool.
This set me wondering what their
meaning could bo; but I thought it
best to take no notice, nor repeat what I
had heard, as I considered that the less
Mr. Duckling had to sa' to the men
the better we should all get on.
It was half-past seven by the time
the sails were furled, and the decks
cleared of the ropes. The hands went
below to tea, and I was walking aft
when the cook came out of the galley,
anil said:
"Beg your pardon, sir; would you
mind tasting of this?" And he handed
me a bit of the ship's biscuit. I smelled
it and found it moldy, and put a piece
in in' mouth, but soon spit it out
"I can't say much for this-, cook,"
said 1.
"It's not lit for dogs," replied the
coos.. -Mint so iar as 1 ve.secn, all uie
-j-ions is uie same. j. no sugar s 1
like mud aud the molasses is full of
grit: and though I have been to sea,
man and boy, two-and-tweiity year, I
never saw te.i like what they've got 011
board this ship. It ain't tea it makes
the liquor yallcr. It's shavings, and
wot I say i, regular tea ain't shav
ings." "Well, let the men complain to tho
captain," I answered. "He can re
port to the owners, and get the ship's
store condemned."
"It's my belief they wos condemned
afore they came on board." answered
the cook. "I'll hot any man a week's
grog that they wos bought cheap in a
dook-yard sale o' rotten grub by order
o' the Admiralty."
"Give me a biscuit," said I, "and I'll
show it to the captain."
He took one out from a drawer in
which he kept tho dough for the
cuddy's use, and 1 put it hi my pocket
aud went aft
I will here pause to describe the ship,
which, being the theater of much that
befell me which is related in this story,
I should place before your eyes 111 as
true a picture as I can draw. "
The Grosvenor. then, was a small,
full-rigged ship of live hundred tons
painted" black with asingle white treak
below her bulwarks. She was a soft
wood vessel, built in Halifax, X. S.
Her lines were very perfect Imiccd,
the beautv of her hull, herloftv masts.
staj'cd with as great perfection as a
man-of-war's, her graceful figure-head,
sharp yacht-like bows, and round stern
had filled me with admiration when I
first beheld her. Her decks were white
and well kept She had a poop and a
top-gallant forecastle, both of which I
think the builder might have spared,
as she was scarcely big enough for
them. Her richly carved wheel, brass
belaying pins, brass capstan, brass bin
nacle, handsome skylights and other
such details, made her look like a gay
pleasure-vessel rather than a sober
trader. Her cuddy, however, was
plain enough, containing six cabins,
including the pantry. The wood-work
was cheaply varnfshed mahogany; a
fixed table ran from the mizzen-mast to
within a few feet of the cuddy front,
and on cither side this table was a
stout hair-covered bench. Abaft the
mizzen-mast were the two cabins re
spectively occupied by Captain Coxon
and Mr. Duckling. My own cabin was
JHSt under the break of the poop, so
that from tho window init I could look
out upon the main-deck. A couple of
broad skylights, well protected with
brass wire-fenders, let plenty of light
into the cuddy; and swinging trays
and lamps, and red curtains to draw
across the skylights when the sun beat
upon them, completed the furniture of
this part of the vessel.
We could very well have carried a
few passengers, and I never learned
why wc did not; but it may, perhaps,
have happened that nobody was going
our way at the time we were advertised
to sail.
We were bound to Valparaiso with
general cargo consisting chiefly of
toys, hardware, Birmingham and Shef
field cutlery and metal goods, and a
stock of piano-fortes. ' The ship to my
thinking, was too deep, as though tho
owner had compensated themselves
for the want of passenger-money bv
taking it out" in freight I readily
foresaw that we should bo a wet ship.
and that we should labor more than
was comfortable in a heavy sea. The
steerage was packed with light good,
bird cages, and such things bnt
space was' left in the 'twecn-decks
tkough the cargo came flush with the
deck in the hold.
However, in 6pito of being over
loaded, tho Grosvenor had beaten
every thing coming down the river
that day.
I came aft, as I have said, after leav
ing tho cook, and finding that the skip
per had gone below with the pilot, I
went down tho companion ladder to
tho cuddy, followed by Duckling. It
was dusk in the cabin and the Tamps
were lit, although it was still daylight
upon the sea. The skipper sat near
the mizzen mast stirring the sugar in a
cup of tea. The coarse littlo pilot was
eating bread and butter voraciously,
his great whiskers moving as he
worked his jaws.
Duckling and I seated ourselves at
the tabic. "There's a breeze coining
up from the sou' west sir," said ho to
the captain, "but I don't think there's
enough of it to swing tho ship."
"Let it coma favorable, and we'll
get under way at once," answered
Coxon. "Mr. Royle, what's going
forward among tho men? I heard
them cursing pretty freely when they
were up aloft."
"They are complaining of the ship's
provisions, sir," 1 replied. "The cook
gave me a biscuit just now, and I
promised to show it to you."
Saying which I pulled the biscuit
out of my pocket and put it upon the
table. Ho contracted his bushy eye
brows, and, without looking at tho bisr
cuit, stared angrily at me. -
"Hark you, Mr. Royle!" said he, in
a voice I found detestable for tho
sneering contempt it conveyed. "I
allow no officer that saib under me to
become a coulidaut of my crew. Do
you understand?"
I Hushed up as I answered that I was
no coulidaut of the crew; that the cook
had stopped me to explain the men's
grievance, and that 1 had asked him
lor a biscuit to show the captain as a
sample of the ship's bread which tho
steward was serving out
"It's very good bread," said the ol
sequioits pilot, taking up the biscuit
while he wiped the butter out of the
corners of his mouth.
"Eat it then!" I exclaimed.
At this Coxon flew into rage. "Eat
it yourself," he cried with a violent
oath. "Yo.i'ro used to that kind of
. fare, I should think, and like it, or von
wouldn t be bringing it into the cuddy
in jour pocket, would you, sir?"
I made him no answer. I saw that
Duckling sided with the captain and
thought it would bo a bad look out for
me to begin the voyage with a quarrel.
"I'll trouble 3-011 to return that bis
cuit to the blackguard who gave it to
you, and tell him to present Captain
Coxou's respects to the men and tell
them if they object to the ship's bread,
thoj-'ro welcome to take their meals
with the pigs in the long boat'.'
I made what dispatch I might with
mv tea, not much desiring to ro-
I main in company with Coxon in his
present temper, i lancy lie grew a
little ashamed ot himself presently, for
he softened his voice and now and
again glanced across at me.
As soon as possible I quitted the
table, giving Coxon a bow as I arose,
which "he returned with a sort of half
ashamed stiffness, and repaired to my
cabin to get my pipe for a half hour's
enjoyment on dec la Having procured
and lit it I stepped on the forecastle to
sec that the lamps were all right and
that there was a man 011 the look-out
nv onwv in f'-.. f,ir..,.i.t,. .,u-
jmr ju subdued voices a
oices and the hot air
I that came up through the scuttle was
intolerable as I jnissed it 1 then re.
gained the poop, and seated myself
upon the rail leading from tho niiain
royal and top-gallant masts.
The sun had gone down now, and
only faint traces of daylight remained
in the westward.
The inmates of the cuddy still kept
their seats and their voices eamc out
through the open sky-lights. 1 heard
Captain Coxon saj-:
"I should like to know what sort of
a fellow they have given me for a sec
ond mate. He strikes me as coming
the gentleman a tritle, don't he. Duck
ling?" To which the other replied: "He
seems a civil-spoken young man, and
up to his work. But 1 guess there's too
much molasses mixed with his blood to
suit my book."'
The pilot laughed, and said: "Here's
your health, sir. Men of your kind are
wanted now-a-days, sir."
It was plain from this speech that
the pilot had exchanged his tea for
something stronger. The captain here
began to speak, but I couldn't catcli
his words, though I strained my ears,
as I was anxious to gain all the in
sight I could into his character, that I
might know how to shape my beha
vior. I say this for a very weighty reason
I was entirely dependent on the pro-
fessiou I had adopted.
1 knew it was
in the power of any captain I sailed
with to injure inc, and perhaps ruin
my prospeels. ' Every thing in seafar
ing life depends upon reports and tes
timonials; and in these day, when de
mand for officers is utterly dispropor
tionate to the immense supply, owners
arc only too willing to listen to objec
tions, and take any skipper's word as
an excuse to decline your services or get
rid of you.
Neither the Captain nor Mr. Duckling
appeared on deck again. The pilot
came up and looked about him, but
took no notice of me, although I was
in plain sight mid after looking about
for a few minutes returned below.
to be continued.
An old story tells of a smart York
shire lad. who had insulted a gentle
man by calling him "Pontius Pilate,"
and was severely whipped by the
schoolmaster. With every blow of the
rod the master told the boy never to
say "Pontius Pilate" again, and the
boy remembered it Next Sunday,
while being catechised and repeating
the creed he made the astonishing
statement that Christ was "born of the
Virgin Mary, suffered under Timothy
Wilkins, schoolmaster."
A firm here wrote to a Western
piano dealer who owed them money:
"Dear Sir Will you be kind enough
to send us the amount of your bill?
Yours truly:" To" this the firm re
ceived the following reply: " Gentle
men Your request is granted with
pleasare. The amount of my bill is
575. Yours very truly." Musical
Tracks ItdoaTrae-Taaei Over lea, tatfte
Air and Underground.
In a small book entitled' "Wonders
and Curiosities of tho Railway," the
author, Mr. W. S. .Kennedy, touches
on the anomalous and entertaining fea
tures of his subject in chapters bearing
such suggestive titles as "The Light
ning Harnessed," "The Locomotive in
Slippers," "The Luxuries of Travel."
and "A Handful of Curiosities." The
average reader who has not made rail
way building a special study, will per
haps be astonished to learn that there
have been railroads, not only nndcr
the ground and in the air, but among
the tree-tops and on the ice, while the
model of even a submarine railway has
been exhibited.
It appears that some time ago a loco
motive on sled-runners was constructed
in Scotland, and employed for drawing
passengers and freight over the ice be
tween St Petersburg and Cronstadt
The two driving wheels in the rear were
studded with sharp spikes, whereas the
front part of the engine rested on a sled
which was swivelcd, and turned to the
right or left bj' wheels working in con
nection With an endless screw and a
segment rack. From this locomotive,
which is said to have run eighteen miles
an hour in any direction, the transition
is natural to railroads whose ties and
track have been laid 011 the frozen sur
face of rivers. Mr. Kennedy tells
us that in 1S7S), when the mcrcurj-stood
twenty degrees below zero, a train of
the Northern Pacific railroad passed
over tho Missouri river on ice three feet
thick. The pressure which the ice re
sisted may bo estimated from tho fact
that the track was laid on twelve foot
ties, and that the c.irs carried over a
quantity of railroad iron as well as a
number of visitors. About a year after
a similar road was built across the river
St Lawrence atlloehclaga. In this in
stance a rough road-bed was first level
ed in tho ice; then crossbeams were
fitted in, and upon these were placed
longitudinal beams which were them
selves crossed by the tics that held the
rails, water being then pumped over the
whole structure to freeze ituown.
Even more novel is the idea of grading
for a railroad through a forest with a
cross-cut saw, and laying the tics on
the stumps. This has actually been
done in Sonoma County in this State.
Here tho trees were snwed oft and lev
eled, and the trcs fastened on tho
stumps, two of which wero huge red
woods, standing side by side, and sawed
off seventy-live feet from the ground.
So firm is this support that cars lo.ided
with heavy logs can pass over with per
fect security. It is not generally known
that in 1S.')D no less thaa fifty-two miles
of the projected road of tho" Ohio Rail
road Company was laid on wooden piles,
which were from seven to twenty-eight
feet long, and driven ten feet apart in
four row. No train, however, was ever
run over this track. Several wooden
track railways, on the other hand, aro
actually operated in the United States
aud Canada. One of these, in tho prov
ince of Quebec, is thirty miles long, and
is used in tho transportation of timber.
The rails are of maple, and trains are
said to run over them with remarkable
smoothness, at the rate of twenty-live
miles an hour. Another wooden-track
railway, more than fifteen miles long,
has been constructed on the grading of
the abandoned South Carolina Central
railroad, in order to carry tho products
of turpentine distilleries to a market
Still more curious are what Mr. Ken
nedy would call the bicycle railways,
where tho car wheels riiu on a single
rail. One called tho "steam caravan"
was begun in Syria, between Aleppo
and Alexandrctta, but apparently never
finished, in the case of this experiment
the rail was raised on a wall of masonry
twenty-eight inches high, and seventeen
aud one-half inches broad. On this 0110
rail were to travel tho wheels of tho
locomotive and the carriages attached,
but it was intended to brace tho en
gine and the last car in the
train by obliquely placed leather-covered
wheels, running along the sides of tho
wall, which wheels wero further to servo
as brakes. A single rail, arbicyeto rail
road, has also been built in the United
States, and was in operation at Fhccnix
villc. Pa., in 187G. Since that date a
two-wheeled locomotive has been made
in Gloucester, N. J., for an elevated ral
road in Atlanta, Ga. With these bieyclc
engines may bo compared the railway
velocipedes, many of which, wc learn,
are used on Western railroads. These,
which have a wheel on each track, can
be propelled by the feet and hands of the
rider at the rate of twenty miles an
It will probably bo news to most per
sons that in 1876 at Paris, one Dr. La
Combe exhibited the model of a sub
marine railway which he proposed to
lay on tho bottom ot the channel be
tween Dover and Calais. On a road
bed of concrete, three galvanized iron
rails were to be placed, two for the track
and one in the center. To the central
rail the car was to bo attached by
rollers, in order to prevent it being de
railed bv the waves. Thu boat-car was
to be air-tight, and driven by a propel
ler screw worked bv compressed air.
fresh air was to bo stpplied to the oc
cupants of tho car by a tube running
up to the surface of tho water, where it
would be affixed to a buoy. Finally, a
series of buoys on the surface would
mark out the track' of the car, which,
in case of any accident, could be cut
loose below, whereupon it would rise to
the surface. San Francisco Argonaut.
Health and Work.
There are many persons in the world
whose only capital is health. They are
engaged in work of various kinds, and
so long as health lasts they earn a good
living. They must learn how to avoid
illness by living in the right way.
Others there are who have lived wrongly
in youth, but have found out their er
rors in time to have a fairly good con
stitution left These may live to a ripe
old age healthfully, if they only take
care. Others there are with "every
thing that riches can give; these must
learn to live rightly, too, if they want
to be well. ' Plain food, exercise, etc,
will enable these to live long, as they
arc uot troubled by the necessity of
work so that they may live. Wealth
comes not from our income, but from
the amount we save of it; so health
comes not from the amount we have to
go on with, but from the amount wo
save, by not spending it on trifles which
waste our strength and give us no re
turn. Dr. T. It. Allison.
The Elyton Land Company of Ala
bama is a profitable concern. In tho
last nine months it has paid 8290,000 in
dividends to the stockholders. This is
90,000 more than the original invest
ment The par value of the stock is
S100. but $1,200 per share has been re
fused for it
Three Simple Method Which Ua re Stood
Succeftafnl Testa.
Vinegar-making is a very shnplo pro
cess. Almost any sweet liquid, if left
exposed to the action of tho atmosphere
for a few weeks, will change to acetic
acid. An old recipe is as follows: "Ex
pose a mixture of one part of brown
sugar by weight with seven parts of
water and some yeast, in a cask whose
bung-hole is only slightly covered over,
as by a piece of gauze pasted down to
keep out insects, for some weeks to the
action of the atmosphere and sun. The
addition of a few grape vine leaves will
hasten fermentation and improve the
quality of the vinegar." Vinegar makes
much faster in summer than in winter
unless kept in a heated room.
Another method is to uso potato
water. "Take a quantity of potatoes,
wash them till thoroughly clean, then
place in a largo kettle and boil till done.
Drain off the water carefully, straining
if necessary in order to remove ovcry
particle of the potato. Put this clean
potato water in a clean cask, which
should be kept in a warm place, and
add one pound of sugar to each ten
quarts of water, and some hop yeast
In three or four weeks an excellent
quality of vinegar may bo expected.
it potatoes are scarce tho water from
each day's boiling for tablo use may bo
Another recipe which was tested in
the editor's family last winter and
found good, is to tako ono quart of
common field corn, picked over and
washed clean, then put up in a pan or
pail and cover with warm water. Let
it stand on tho back of a warm stove
all night In tho morning, when the
stove is hot, set tho dish with the corn
over the fire and let it boil several
times, at least till the grains burst open,
keeping tho corn constantly covered
with water. Then strain off tho water
aud add to it till you have three gallons.
To cadi gallon add three-quarters of a
pound of brown sugar. If you have a
little "mother" that has formed on
other vinegar add a little of that and
set in a warm place in open vessels or
casks with the bungs out. In a few
weeks j ou will have good vinegar at a
low cost. K E. Farmer.
How Uncle I'lill Armour Salted a Turo
I.rfjCCil 1 1 o ;
Millionaire Phil Armour has a pleas
ant custom of buying a suit of clothes
once a year for each of his office em
ployes. This year all but ono of the
boys visited a certain tailor on the South
side and wero measured for suits rang
ing in price from $30 to 35. The ex
ception was a dudo, who scorned tho
selections made by his colleagues. He
wanted something" gorgeous and tight
fitting. After pawing over the fashion
plates of the tailor he finally selected
a piece of goods which would cost 125
to build into garments. When tho
tailor, a few weeks later, sent his item
ized bill into the big pork packer the
latter made inquiries for the purpose of
finding out whether this young man
with such aesthetic taste was really so
unfortunate as to have to work.
"Is hu at work in any of our depart
ments?" Mr. Armour asked, turning to
one of his lieutenants.
"Yes; ho works in tho room,"
was the reply.
"Eh, eh; has ho drawn his money for
this month?"
"No, sir; not yet."
Wnll tlion m frot tiia Qnlnn- nnrl
give it to me. and tcfi him I want to sec
him at once."
When the dude tripped up to tho mil
lionaire the latter cleared his throat and
"Young man, I liko tohavo my clerks
consider themselves on an equality with
one another. In looking over the
tailor's bill I find that you rate yourself
1)0 higher than the figures your col
leagues place upon themselves. As I
sec no tangible proof of your great
worth to this establishment, it gives me
much satisfaction to present to you your
month's salary together with my esti
mate of your value your dismissal
from my service. Remember, I'm an
expert on hogs and know how to salt
them." Chicago Herald.
m a
The Arithmetical Problem Which a Sara
togn Mngnato Tailed to Solve.
There is one summer boarder at Sara
toga who, if not of the social swim, is
in it and has never failed to be present
during the season for tho past thirty
years. Ho is known as tho old pop
corn man. Men may come and men
may go, and women too, but he appar
ently goes on forever. He is lop-sided
and'larac, talks with a drawl, aud is as
homely as a hedge-fence, but clean and
neat in his appearance. His voice is a
cross between a sick cat and a fog-horn,
as it begins with tremendous volumes,
but sinks into a crescendo-diminuendo.
then dies in an exasperating silence.
His refrain is always the same:
Nice po-p-co-m,
F-r-c-s h p-o-p-corn."
"Jim, how much is your pop-corn?"
said a swell one day.
"S-h-i-1-l-in' erpint, Po-p-c-o-r-n nice
p-o-p-c-o-r-n!" he bawled.
"Now, Jim," continued the swell,
"how much docs a pint of pop-corn
come to at a shilling a quart?"
"L-o-o-k in y-o-u-r own jograffy!
P-o-p-c-o-r-n, nice p-o-p-c-o-r-n!" yelled
the old man.
One day he appeared at tho door of
the Union Hotel just as a lady of severe
social distinction was coming out:
he stammered, "kin jer 'rithmetic?"
Then he showed her a piece of
shingle on which a long sum was done
in chalk.
-I ke-a-r-n-t m-a-a-ke it-out!" he
said in a troubled voice. "I-I k-e-r-n-t
m-a-a-ke out heow much a p-pound of
p-pork comes to at t-t ten cents a pound!"
Detroit Free Press.
Frank B. Graham and Lottie Pelle
grini, of Atlanta, wanted to marry, but
her parents said "No." So Frank and
Lottie went to the park and sat down
and waited till a friend brought a cler
gyman. Then, not rising, for fear of
attracting the attention of the many
passing pedestrians, they joined hands,
the ceremony was performed, the min
ister gave them some good advice and
walked away, and the bride went to her
home and the groom to his. Three or
four days later Lottie's parents heard of
all this and told her to bring her hus
band home and be just as happy as she
could be. N. Y. Sun.
At Merced, CaL, a harvester driving-wheel
struck'a bowlder, producing
sparks which set fire to the standing
grain, and 240 acres of wheat 550 acres
of grass, and 150 acres of stubble were
How Hippo, Hebachadaezsar's Chamber
lain, Eotertataed HU Aagast Matter.
It came to pass on a certain night
that the great King Nebuchadnezzar,
having attended lodge, was aweary
when he returned to the palace, and
his mind was disquieted within him.
He lay down upon his bed; but sleep
fled from his eyes and slumber from bis
He, therefore, called unto his cham
berlain, and said nnto him:
"My sleep goeth from me. Where
fore, I pray thee, tell me what to do that
I may sleep, ere I hew thee into mince
meat, am' make thy father's house a by
word in this great "city of Babylon."
Now the chamberlain's name was
And Hippo was sore affrighted, and
his knees smote together, and he said
within himself :
"What shall I do? For I am in sore
plight My master takcth in the town
with the boys, and straitway expectcth
mo to reduce the abnormal exaggeration
ot ins cranium.
This he saith to himself. Then he
spcaketh aloud:
"O, King, live forever! I will bring
unto thee the daily Babylon Blowpipe,
and read aloud the funny column there
of. So shalt thou be soothed, and thy
sleep shall return unto thee again."
Then spake Nebuchadnezzar:
"Thou sayest well, O, Hippo! As I
never read tho papers, it will be amus
ing to me, doubtless."
Then Hippo, the chamberlain, having
brought the" file, began to read, saying:
"A horseman magnificently arrayed
passed through this city this morning.
Ho was clothed in a suit of armor of
solid gold, and his helmet of burnished
gold was set with precious stones ex
ceeding rare. His horse was a price
less Arab of tho purest blood. On in
quiry ho was found to bo a plumber of
Damascus, come hither ou his way
home from his vacation."
"Ha, ha, ha!" laughed Nebuchad
nezzar; "how oft have I been charmed
by these plumber jokes. When j-et a
liltle lad, my nurse did tell them to me
my nurse," Susanbee Anthonec. But
read the next, O, Hippo!"
And Hippo read:
"An aged man crawled slowly into
tho office of a Tigris street merchant
yesterday, and handed a letter to the
chief clerk, and the ohief clerk carried
it to his master.
" 'Yes,' said tho master, in astonish
ment: 'this is a reply to a letter I sent
by a messenger bov "fifty Acar since.'
"'Yes,' remarked "the man who
brought it; I have now brought yon the
answer.' "
"What!" exclaimed Nebuchadnezzar,
in glee: "doth tho,messenger boy joko
still live? How well I remember read
ing it in tho 'Annals of the Ark.' I be
lieve Noah told it first But read some
And Hippo read: "A damsel residing
near the Sheep Gate was seen emerging
from the front door a few mornings
since, one carried a -tablespoon, which
she laid carefully on the curbstone.
" 'What do ye with the spoon?' asked
her father.
" 'Sir!' she replied: 'it is that the ice
man may have where to place our sup
ply ot ice. "
"Good!" exclaimed the King; "my
granulathcr was addicted to just
such pleasantries with the ice-man. Let
us have some more!" Hippo saw that
his master was getting some what sleepy.
So he saith:
"Thn.nnTf O. TCincr la in mtrnrtl in o
goat, and depicteth him in the act of
making a meal from circus posters.'1
"Ah!" said Nebuchadnezzar; "the
goat survives, too, does he? I used to
read just such things when I was a boy,
in an almanac a thousand years old,
preserved in my cabinet of curiosities.
What is the next one about?"
"The mule, O, King."
"Read it not, for the possible jests on
the mule and his hinder hoofs are en
graved on the obelisks of ancient Egypt
What are tho others about?"
"Tho next treateth of ice-cream; the
one following mentioneth base-ball um
pires in a trifling manner, and the last
spcaketh flippantly of a mother-in-law."
But Hippo read none of them aloud,
for, even as he spoke, Nebuchadnezzar
fell into a deep sleep, from which he did
not awake until next day at eleven
o'clock, railroad time. Win. II. Sivilcr,
in Puck.
He Lived by Stealing.
Bluff Lawyer Were you over in
Witness No, sir.
"You were never arrested for theft?'
"Never, Sir."
"Come now, you can't say that you
never stole any thing?"
"Well, no, I can't"
"Ah, I thought sol In fact you have
stolen a good dcaL"
"You make your living by stealing.
Now don't you?"
"For the last three rears, sir."
"Do you hear that gentlemen of tho
jury? A creditable witness, indeed
Quite frank, however. Yon admit that
you make your living by stealing?"
"Yes, sir. I belong to the 'Orions,'
I steal bases." Philadelphia CalL
Wanted an Earthquake.
"Oh, Miss Brown, who was that very
homely young lady you were with this
"That sir? That was my sister."
"Oh ah I I beg ton thousand par
dons! I ought to have noticed the
great resemblance! That is that is "
Then he wished an earthquake would
happen right then and there. N. T.
m m m
An Unearned Reputation.
Feathcriy was blowing his tea to cool
it off while Bobby regarded him with in
tense interest
"What's the matter, Robert?" said
the old man. "Don't you know that it
is very impolite to stare at a person in
that way?''
"Huh?" responded Bobby. "You
said he was the biggest blower in town.
Ho can't blow any harder'n I can."
N. Y. Sun.
Following Instructions.
Mamie Now.Tommy, don't be a pig:
You've got my cake and yours, too. I'll
just run and tell ma.
Tommy Go on, tattle-tale! Ma won't
do nothin'.
Mamie You just bet she will when 1
tell her.
Tommy She won't, neither. Only
this mornin' she tole me I always must
take your part So, smarty! Eambler.
A California farmer who owns s
separate water right recently refused
$1,500 per inch for all be will sell txam
hie canyon.
Keep bo more animals than csn be
comfortably accommodated,' otherwise
they prove an expense rather than
profitable. 2V. Y. Tribune.
The currant worm should be de
stroyed while small, with dust of helle
bore or pyrcthrum. The latter, being
perfectly harmless, is to be more highly
recommended. N. Y. Telegram!
Every farmer should prevent the
killing of birds on his place. Boys witk
cheap shot-guns pepper away at every
thing with wings; and when the birds
are dead tho insects eat up the farmer's
produce. Troy Times.
Plow the heavy land and leave it ia
the rough condition so that the frost can
penetrate and render it fine. There is
no better-agency for pulverizing tough
toils than frost it will also at the same
time destroy the cutworm. Chicago
Those who havo tried it say that
string beans can be had the year round,
as a rarity, by picking them and salting
them, just as you do cucumbers. When
to be used, take them from the brine and
freshen them; then cut and cook just as
you do in warm weather. They report
them as very toothsome and a nice
change of diet Boston Budget.
If your hogs lack material to build
up their bony and muscular tissues,
suppose you try an experiment and
feed them lime, powdered bones. gras3
and oats for muscle. When you feed,
see that every hog is present at roll-call,
and alwa3s seek the absent one. as
there is generally something wrong
with him, and that is the one to watch.
Albany Journal.
An excellent practical farmer re
marked a year or two ago that he con
sidered a good clover "seeding worth
from 10 to $15 an aero. This is moro
than the profit on any grain crop, and
it can be had when grain is sown by the
outlay of $1.25 to 1.50 for clover seed
Hero is a profit of 1,000 per cent in six
months, without interfering with other
crops. Western Rural.
All China that ha3 any gilding upon
it may on no account be rubbed with a
cloth of any kind, but merely rinsed,
first in hot and afterward in cold water,
and then left to drain till dry. If the
gilding is very dirty and requires pol
ishing it maynow and then bo rubbed
with a soft piece of wash leather and a
little dry whiting; but this operation
must not be repeated more than onco a
a year, otherwise the gold will most
certainly be rubbed off and tho china
spoiled. Boton PosL
Clean napkins should be laid away
in a chest or tirawer, with some pleas
ant cleanly herb, as lavender or sweety
grass, or the old-fashioned clover, or
bags of oriental orris root, put between
them, that theso may come to the tablo
smelling of theso deliciously fresh sub-
sianccs. looming iskcs away mo ap
petite of a nervous dyspepticso certain
ly as to have a napkin come to him
smelling of greasy soap. There is a
laundry soap now in uso which leaves
a very unpleasant odor, and a napkin
often smells so strongly of it as to tako
away the appetite. The Household.
m m
Timely Gossip About Various Matters ot
Domestic Interest.
Skirts are worn very short, and shorter
behind than before.
Feather bands are tho preferred trim
mings for now wraps.
White lace is to supersede the cream
tint so long in fashion.
Yokes of velvet are a feature of silk
dresses for autumn and winter wear.
That rough woolen stuff called San
glier (boars) cloth is more in fashion
than ever.
Bronze is combined with pale blue,
palo pink, light green, salmon and
poppy color.
English gowns am made in severely
simple styles, but are exquisitely fitted,
and well sewed.
Gray watered silk is combined with
black cashmere and black camcl's-hair
in gowns for elderly ladies.
Undcr-pctticoats of silk in dark and
light colors, white and black, are made
with gathered pinked flounces.
Hair ornaments are combinations of
ribbon loops thickly massed and sur
mounted by herons' aigrettes.
Sashes of woolen material, corre
sponding to the dress with which they
are worn, are trimmed with embroidery
or fringe.
Rough ' camcl's-hair fabrics, plain,
striped, plain and crossrbarred, are
among the favorite dress-goods for
tailor-made frocks.
The most elegant Parisan women re
fuse to wear very prominent bustles,
but for all that there is a threatened
revival of crinoline.
Waists are long, but postillions and
pointed fronts are short but accurately
peaked, while the corsage is cut very
short over the hip lines.
White lace jabots arc worn with high
bodices and are fastened with gold or
jeweled pins arranged according to the
dictates of the wearer.
Bright yellow in small quantities bid i
fair to take the place or share the favor
with vivid red, so long popular as a
brightener of dark violets.
White eider-down jackets will be worn
as driving wraps over light dresses tho
autumn through. These jackets are
becoming stylish and extremely com
fortable on a ccol day.
The new fall wrappings challenge ad
miration, and the styles are of the most
varied and mixed description, showing
an indescribable blending of visitc, cor
sage, jacket mantle and pcrelinc.
A capote of bronze felt has the brim
bound with pale pink vol vet A cluster
of nodding ostrich feathers massed is
front and an aigrette form the trim
ming. The short strings arc of pink;
velvet ribbon.
Buttons arc in great variety. Those
of metal either have etchings and raised
designs or are of filigree work. Tho
old-fashioned way of covering button
molds with the material of the dress is
again revived. V. Y. Mail and Ex
press. Bogus Butter in Bengal.
The native community throagboat
Bengal has been greatly excited lately
by the discovery that extensive adulter
ation is carried on in the manufacture
of ghee, or clarified batter, an article
in daily use in every native household.
The intensity of tho popular feeling on
the subject is accounted for bv the
fact that the adulteration is effected!
either with beef and mutton fat. tho
eating of which is a deadly sin in the
eyes of the Hindus, or with lard, which
the Mohammedans consider unclean
food. Both Hindus and Mohammedans
have called oa the Government to pro
tect then by legislation, and have urged
the necessity for immediate action, so
that the measures might come into
force before the Doorga Pooja and Mo
hurrum, the great festivals of the twa
religions. A Y. Post.

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