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SIGNS OF NEW YORK.
qgimii ud Instruct I Announcement Dm 5crt Alans the HtreeU or a tlreat CHy. DVERTISING i8 one of the fine arts, and, by ttao way, there is nothing so do ceptive and le wtldering to the visitor from tho country than th signs of New York. Somo et them while no doubt very in tolllglblotoNew YorkcrH, con tots an entirely Msf idta to strangers. For instance. -INIAL'S FAMILY RII0B 8TOHK," wnveys the idea that Mol'inigal had matb a large family that it required an watire rtore to supply them with shoes. K the sign furnished the additional in lunrmtten as to how many membors abere were in the McFinigal family, and why tbey bought their shoes at one par Kealar store, it would be a groat com fort Anothe r sign in the upper part of New fork roads: MTIH. SMITH'S PEUVANTS' Bl'UKAU." It would seem to lie a matter of in Jtiffrrenoo to the general public whether Mrs. Smith kept a servant or not. Who res, outuido of Mrs. Smith and her personal friends? And what interest the pnblie can have in the bureau of Mrs. Smith's servants is difficult to tannine. If the object is to acquaint the people with the private affairs of Mrs. Smith and her servants perhaps the TifKt way would le to publish a ldugrapby of Mrs. Smith and her serv ant with a portrait of the bureau. It is not right to excite the curiosity of a ullionand a half of 'people, and then rfwso to gratify it. Tho names on the business signs, or least Home of them, appear slightly jeoajrrnons, while others are sugges vo of attempted puns. A man who ells vegetables has his name painted on Wrt It reads simply: "P. Green." ne of the most peculiar signs is that ti er a German book.sk re. It reads, in urge letters: , "O. RMiSAM ft IT." i That's all there is of it. No details of the affair are given. There is no hint as to what was the matter with Sam, or kow often he was to be rubltcd. or what particular salve should be used. The inffreoeo is that Sam was very tore, and Wing perhaps of an irritable disposition, frudenre suggested that whoever rublied fitam should immediately Heek safety in flight. But the question naturally arises to the person who does not ln westigate the matter, why publish wich domestic affairs to the people pass ing on the streets, who are nioro in clined to jeer than to offer any sub stantial sympathy? Why seek to create a feeling of sympathy for Sam, of which tu may be wholly undeserving? The lest way for the stranger to do is not to allow himself to lie prejudiced by any otward signs. In this instance, it is flats that there is somo deep and unox lainaMe mystery behind "O Rubsam Git," and simple justice to all the parties ooncernod should at least bo jpven an opportunity to explain if they n. A stranger, who at first supposed Sbat "(l Rubsam fc Git" was in tho nat ure of an admonition, entered tho tore and courteously asked how Sam was coming on, and what effect tho rub lung had on him. Tie whole matter was arranged with out prejudice to either party. An eldor tr German gentleman, wearing specta cles, said that he was the senior member f the firm of "O. Rusbara & Git" His christian name was Otto, or for short O. liubsam." When reprimanded for to ring such a suspicious name as 'Rub sam, " be apologized and explainod that the family name was Ruebensamen, which, being translated into English, wans simply ''turnip seed." and that Hie name had been shortened to "O. Jnbsam." "But it your namo is Turnip Seed." mid. (ho stranger, "why don't you call it Turnip Seed instead of putting out a sign that is calculated to deceive and mislead the public. There are a great aaany Americans who use vegetablo Mines like yours. I know erer so many men who are called "Boats," for instance-. The woods are full of them. Just about this time air. Git came in, and not understanding English, made aiajself very disagreeable. 1 .1 lacs ue made the seeker after knowledge got up and "git." . There is a firm in New York called "Lies &, Co.," and strange to say they are not in the printing business and are not publishing a campaign organ. TfcercmuBt be a great many people in Sew York by tho namo of Carpenter, as tho firm name of - "CABTEXTEIt BiriUHCRS" appears on nearly every block. The frm name "corn CASKETS Ji also seen very often on the streets. There is a sign on the Bowery which mads: Thomaa Uinderhoof, pants ex plosively." Why ho should pant exclu sively does not appear. Another out nge on the word exclusively Is to bo era on a Second avenue hotel, where is displayed an immense sign that runs: fcxcLesrvriir Ton okntixmeic onlt." On Third avenue, over the door of a Cerroan artist, is his namo in largo let ters: "A. DAUBEn." It is not often that She troth protrudes so conspicuously as U doea in this sign. A few da.'i ago I saw the sign of p In short, the signs of New York are a perpetual source of instruction and amusement to tho man of an observing turn of mind. At.ex E. Sweet. POOR OLD BIXBY. lie Tries to Oblige III Wife and Man ages to rut Ills Foot In It. "The girl is gone and I'vo had to get dinner myself to-day," said Mrs. lUxby, when Mr. Bixby came home tho other night. "I expected another girl this afternoon, but sho hasn't come, so I'll have to ask you to look after the chil dren, Elijah, whilo I wash the dishes." "No," replied Mr. Bixby, firmly but kindly. "No, 'Mandy, taking caro of babies isn't my forte. Only women can do that to perfection. But I'll tell you what I'll do, 'Mandy, I'll do up tho dishes and tidy up tho kitchen slick as a whistle whilo yon attend to the chil dren. Washing dishes and sweeping is something I can do. I've done it for my mother a thousand times, and I'd just liko to show you how proflciont I am in that sort of thing. Now, you and tho children clear out and let me have free swing at things and see if I don't surpriso you." Mrs. Bixby "cleared out," but had oc casion to go into the kitchen half an hour later to scald out tho baby's bottle, and that she was surprised her words indicated. "Why, Elijah Btiby," she cried aghast, and she is a very even tempered woman, too. "What do you mean by washing the dishes in the skillet? You didn't see any thing else? Why, the dish-pan's under the sink. And what are you washing them with' An old sock that the girl uses for an iron-holder? And you've been wiping them on tho floor scrub cloth! And there's those fine glasses and tho solid silver spoons in water with an inch of grease on top of it, and well, if this is the way you washed your mother's dishes-" "Wash your own darned dishes, then, madam." shrieked Bixby, as he fled to his own room. Time. TRCTH "WILL OCT. iff i rffsb":7rrsr-g Unsuspecting Mother I can't imagine where all the cake goes. Guilty Ethel (anxious to avert sus picion) It must be the kid. Unsuspecting Motbor The kid; what kid? Guilty Ethel I don't know, but I heard Undo Harry say to pa: "That kid takes the cake." Time. Polonlu and III Lot Chance. "Polonius was a splendid bit of char acter work." "Yes; but he had his drawbacks. When he started off and said: 'Neither a borrower nor a lender be,' ho lost the best chance in the world to show off bis wisdom." "IIow'B that?" "Why, he should have gone on and said: 'But, if thou must do one or t'other, let it bo borrowing. There's money in it.' " Harpor's Bazar. A Long Engagement. She I haven't any thing new to ing to you to-night, George. He Well, give me something old, then. She broke into a refrain that was "a song of the day" seventeen years before. He (at the close) That's very very old, Clara. i She Yes, George; I sang that to you the night we became engaged. Judge. Gave Hlmaelf Away. Miss Slmperthy What was that poor man arrested for? Mr. Eowno do Bout Having too much ij unr. Miss SimDcrthv Nonsense! I saw him begging with a doaf and dumb sign. Mr. Rowne de Wouv 1 navs just ine reason. Puck. A DUTY WELL. I'EKFOKMED. rvmlelta fwho had been sent out tc ahoo- the hens) It's only wan o th' dirtlaOIendiretnieirrtn an, mim. out j be' th' ringleader. j uoca. AGRICULTURAL HINTS. NEW USE FOR TILE. Bow It 51 uy lie Employed for Nub-lrrlga-tion In Hardening. The control of soil moisture, by stor ing up part of the water supply during a timo of excessive rainfall for uso at a subsequent drought, i.s a problem that has long occupied the minds of good cultivators. We have begun to rcalizo that for general outdoor garden crops soil-soaking is tho only effective method, and that mere surface sprinkling is apt to do more harm than good. Our modern improved appliances for drawing water from wells by the use of wind-mills have made it feasible to fill, at comparative light expense, tanks constructed somewhat above-ground, and thus obtain tho necessary water and pressure for flooding smaller areas in a short time. Where acres aro to be Irrigated, how ever, arrangements of this kind will soon find their limit of usefulness, and i 1 i 1 1 i.- fry l 1 -1 .. 1 1.1 ' IU t .1 -j 1 "I I 1 1 1 j ' T I I 1 f 1 1 'I -l.i -r FIO. 1. a nioro crenerous water supply is needed. This can sometimes be ob tained by tapping a stream, pond or canal; or by damming a stream of water above the land to be irrigated. Opportunities of this kind aro fre quently met with, but they are seldom utilized. Somo years ago wo obtained good re sults by damming a little stream or brook flowing by just above a one-eighth-acre patch of celery, the rows running with tho natural slope of the land and lettlnar near the vhole of this water run along In little channels made by tho hoe between the rows, until the whole ground bad a complete soaking. It took tons of water, but tho result was gratifying. Ever since then we have been wishing to preparo a piece of land for under ground irrigation, in somewhat the samo way, as wo find it described and illus trated in a recent number of Drainage Nd Farm Journal. Tho uso of common drain tile from two )o three or four inches in size, says our contemporary, afford a very convenient and a successful method of underground irrigation. Fig. 1 illustrates a continuous lino of tile to bo laid across the incline or slopo of tho land with very slight fall suffi cient to afford a slow current of the water. A portion of the water escaping through the joints of the tilo rises by capillary attraction toward the surface FIft. S. of tho soil. The lines of tile are laid at adepth of one foot or fifteen inches below tho surface. The excavations for the tilo msv bo made cheanlv bv lowing 1 at out the trenches, passing back and forth with the plow three or lour times in tne Rama furrow. Littlo labor will bo re quired to bring the bottom of the trench to a regular grade. 1 no lines 01 me chniilri hn laid ns close as ten feet apart; leu will bo better. The water turned In at the stand-pipe A will pass along th tllfl to the further end which is closed. As much as one acre may be in- clndod in one system it tne suriace con figuration will admit of it. The tile of the upper end may be as large as five inches, railing on to lour, inree ana two inches. Fig. 9 illustrates a main tile lour or five inches in size, or larger if necessary, with branches of smaller tile three inches or less, the outer ends being rlnsnd. The sizes of tile both for the mains and laterals may be reduced in . . i size as the rurtner end is approaoueu. The water enters at stand-pipe A, fol lowing main pipe and branches to B. Fig. 8 is a cross section showing the effect of under irrigation on the soil. The water naturally tends to sink in the aoil, but not so deep as. to go beyond FIG. 8. the foeding ground of the roots of tho growing crop the capillary action 01 the soil brings a portion to the surface. It is well to remark at (this point, if wo or three inches of the surface soil is kept very fine by frequent stirrings that it will serve as a mulch to prevent the molsturo evaporating so rapidly at the surface. 1 This system of irrigation has tho ad antaee of cheapness of material, con struction and the -economy of water. In addition it supplies the water where It is needed without puddling the sur face, and allows the cultivation to go on without hindrance. A small area maybe prepared at a timo for underground irrigation at a reasonable cost, and when done It is a permanent improvement. A few hun dred dollars and the labor required with care will put several acres in con dition to test the efficiency of tadi ijf tem. - - - - . MATCHED TEAMS. Their Value How to Match lareTha ISunIiipkh a Science In Itnelf. The value of well-matched teams over carelessly matched, especially carriago teams, is not generally given much in telligent thought. The matter was vey clearly placed before me recently, saya M. L. Ilines in National Stockman. "I want to show you one of a span of horses which I have purchased. If you have time now come around to the stable. It's but a fctep." Thus spoke a friend, a prosperous jeweler, who has a groat love for and good understanding of trotters and roadsters. Going to the stable I was shown a grandly built bay, with straight back, clean limbs, a fine head and beautiful black mane and tail. "If 1 can mato this fellow I can sell the span for a thousand easily," said the jeweler. "But where is his mate? You said you had purchased a span." I was then given a littlo lesson in matched teams. The span in question had been pur chased by a wealthy woman, whose coachman knew nothing of the art of , handling horses. The span were of the same weight, stood the same height, j and had the same black points. They were oalled a well-matched span, but tbey were not. iho one possessed a straight back; the other's was inclined to "sway." One was four inches longer from center of the breast to tail than his mate, and as for their heads they were different in outline. Then the mate to the one shown me was, previous to be ing matched, driven single, and when sold had not been accustomed to the double harness. The coachman knew so little of his business that he could not make the horse kecpln place. Tho horse i was cranky and nervous, and tho natural result was a runaway. Of course after that tho woman offered the span for sale. She had paid $700 in cold cash for them and accepted of tho jeweler 5-100 worth of diamonds for them, lie saw they were poorly matched, and sold tho poorer one to a grocer for $250 and kept the better. Ho Is now on the lookout for a perfect mate, and as he has a standing offer of $1,000 for tho span, once ho gets a satisfactory mate, he can afford to pay S400 for such a horse and make a handsome profit. Matching horses is a science of itself. It is not enough to get horses of the samo general looks, if first-class prices aro wanted. It took a friond and myself a year to find just tho mate for a hand somo carriage horse. In tho meantime wo saw hundreds of animals of which fifty might have been selected that would make fair mates. In matching, the eye of the true horseman is suf ficient, but tho inexperienced must de pend a good deal on tho tape line. Meas ure from tho top of tho head to withers, from this point to the top of the hips and from here to the root- of UiC tail Measure the length of the legs from joint to joint, the length of the head, the distance between ears and eyes, the cir cumference of tho body over the withers and around the flanks. Then measure tho distance to the ground from the top of the head when elevated to its full ex tent, and don't forget to measure tho stride. After these measurements have been satisfied see if the horses aro matched in gait If not try to overcomo the difficulty, for that is an important matter. Once get a pair well matched and you will not hunt for a purchaser. POULTRY NOTES. Buckwheat as a poultry food is both stimulating and fattening. Case or sorghum seed is fed to fowls with good results. It stimulates egg production and in many ways is good for a change. Season the feed of chickens and all other fowls with salt. It is a preventive of disease, and is good for tho entire animal creation. Somo hunters near Bowen, 111., wounded a big bald eagle and captured it The bird is very vicious and meas ures seven feet from tip to tip. We have not had much cold weather yet This is no reason why you should put off fixing up all holes in your hen houses until it is too late. A dvck recently killed near James town, N. Y., has caused great excite ment in that region. In its crop was found a piece of gold quartz. , l no oira had been feeding on tho borders of Chautauqua Lake near by, and it is claimed that an examination of the locality revealed many more specimens of rich, gold-bearing quartz. Dried Japanese Femlmmon. Very few people, says the San Fran cisco Chronicle, are aware of the fact that the Japanese persimmon, when dried, is one of the most delicious fruits imaginable. Those who are acquainted with this fruit know that it must be fully ripe when picked, otherwise the flavor will not be what it should. But the perfectly ripe persimmon is difficult of handling without damage, and there fore considerable loss is apt to result Experiments made, however, show that the Japanese persimmon may bo used as readily as a fig, which, indeed, it re sembles in appearance after being cured. The dried persimmon has a very meaty, pleasant taste, and will, undoubtedly, as soon as its excellence becomes known, take a prominent place among table delicacies. The persimmon ought also to make a very acceptable glace fruit and a good profit awaits the man who hall take advantage of these hints and prepare this product for market in pleas ing shape. Dos't forget to protect those young (rape vises you get out last tErta PERSONAL AND LITERARY. Tho lato Robert Browning was very fond of using American phrases in con versation. The first edition of Byron's rare "Waltz," of 18i:i, was bought not long ago by a IiOmlon bookseller for SiftO. Tho novelist Bulwer's wife once wrote to Wilkie Collins that ho did not know how to describe a villain: "Now," she said, "if you want a genuine villain, write up my husband." William Dean Howell writes from 1,000 to 1,600 words daily, and after his pages have been copied on the type writer he goes over them again, adding a word here and erasing a lino there, until they are perfect Thomas Bailey Aldrich writes slow ly and fastidiously, revising and cor recting tho most unimportant article with poetic care; all his articles before they reach the printer aro written and rewritten at least three or four times. Edward A. Freeman, the English historian, is short, but stout and robust Like most Englishmen, he has a woll fed, roast-beef-eating appearance He wears a long, white patriarchal beard. He has a son married and setilod in Vir ginia, and he is very proud of his Amer ican grandchildren. William D. Howells believes with Anthony Trollope that a novelist should no more wait for inspiration in his work than a shoemaker or a tallow chandler. They both act upon the principle that writing novels is purely mechanical work, like writing lawyers briefs, for instance, or book-keeping. Frank R. Stockton has had a great deal of cheap fun poked at him for be ing "a rising young man of letters it the age of fifty-five." But It should be re membered that he had served a long and laborious apprenticeship to literature before he surprised the world with bis fresh and original story, "The Lady or the Tiger." Edward Lloyd, the proprietor of frba Daily Chronicle, and Lloyd's Weekly Newspaper. London, not only makes the paper on which ho prints his news, but also grows the grass from which the paper is made. Tho visitor to his office is shown a large photograph of his Al gerian grass farm, with laborers busy gathering and packing esparto for his paper mills at Bow. George William Curtis is described as "a bland gentleman with a clerical appearance, and looking as thongh ha ought to part his hair in tho middle." He stands five feet ten, wears English whiskers, and darkish light locks shade a handsome face. For twenty-eight years he has been the literary adviser of Messrs. Harper & Brothers, receiving the splendid salary of S25.000 a year. The French Academy gives a prize of 4,000 francs every year for the best yerses upon whatever subject It may leet. This year tho assigned thome was labor, but of the 'i00 poets who entered the contest not one considered labor in any other light than that of pessimism. They all dwelt upon its pains, its hard ships, its drudgery and its miseries, without once touching upon its benefiti. its duties or its saving influences. HUMOROUS. Ethel "What makes that man hold his head so high and strut about .so?" Mother "Whv. didn't you observe him drop a copper in that blind organ- grinders tin cup? Lxcbange. Tired Child "Mamma, how much did you put in the collection?" Mother "A quarter, my dear, way?" urea child teaolnel "Well, this preacher gives an awful lot for the money!" Newport News. '."Why, my boy. you've spelt window without an n. Don't you know the dif ference between a window and a widow?" "Yes, sir. You can see through one and and you can't ace through the other, sir." Punch. Emma "I guess you aro a little fond of Mr. Boutwell, aren't you?" Nellie "I don't know; what made you think so?" Emma "I noticed at the whist nartv last nlcrht that whenever ho lead a heart suit you always trumped and took it" Kearney Enterprise. Feminine Penetration. Lily "Dearest Sophie, do tell me what you think of mv hat. Is this rose-color be coming to mo?" "Oh. yes, it is just the color for you, dear." Lily (an hour later. to the maid) "Take the rose-ooiored hat to the milliner's and tell ber to change It for pearl gray." Fliegonde Blatter. Justice "So vouare here asraln. are you?" Old Offender "Yis, sor, av it plaso yer honor. Justice '1nargea witn larceny again, I see." Old Offender "Yis. sor. I'm sorrv to Bay." Justice 'Why is it that you arc brought up here bo frequently charged with tho iheft of small sums?' Old Onondcr "If yer honor will use yer inflooence to get me a job as confidential clerk, ol will thry to git away with so much that nobody will make any throublo for me." America. In the "Dry-Goods Emporium." Mr. Figg "Well, have you selected that five cents' worth of ribbon yet?" Mrs. Flgg "No. not yet Did you get tired of waiting outside?" Mr. Figg "O, no. 1 have been around to the office and cleared seven hundred dollars in a real-estate deal since yon came in here." Mrs. Figg (calmly) "Indeed. Then we will just buy that new silk dress I have been wanting so long." And Mr. Flgg stood on one foot and re flected all to himself that thero were times when a man got really and en tirely too smart for his own good. Terr Haute Express.