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BAXTER SPEINGS NEWS fit. n. GARDNER, Publisher. BAXTER STBINGS. . . KANSAS. . HE THINKS HE'S THINKING. You know him well, you've seen him oft; The man who holds his bead aloft And kcvH bis eyelids winking; He meet with llttlo symputhy. This mua who woul J a thinker be. This dunoe who thinks he's thinking. JTe to bis friends baa naught to say Tho while he strolls along Broadway, From them he's always shrinking; He knows them, yet he sees them not, night past them he will briskly trot, Tliis wretch who thinks he's thinking. Each morning far an hour he'll stand With plate-glass mirror In bis hand, Indulging In much prinking; For, though his friends he falls to see, Upon himself he'll gaze with glee, This ass who thinks he's thinking. Sometimes he'll at the corner wait, As U deciding nation's fate. Outlandish Ideas linking Together, all devoid of sense. For common mortals too Intense. This fool who thinks he's thinking. The while he in the street car sits, His bulping brows be tightly knits, And keeps bis orbs a-bllnklng; His stupid glonons upward aim, tie holds hlmsolf a child of Fame. This dolt who thinks he's thinking. I've watched him sitting at his lunch ; And. while his sandwich he doth munch. His gloss of cider drinking. He stares around with vacant gaze. As If recalling distant days, This fraud who thinks he's thinking. Hut, if he e'er falls overboard, And straight a rope to him is lowered, To rescue him from sinking. You'll see him seize it every time. Anil to the deck ho'll quickly climb. For now he's really thinking. Addixon F. Andrews, in Journalist. QUEER DETECTIVE WORK How tho Big Stores Find Out What Rivals Are Doing. I'lrrk Krnt Out on llargaln.Purchasluf Tours Effort That Are Made to Italic Their Designs-Hustle Is the Word. Tbo proprietor of one of the largest dry-goods Btors on Fourteenth street sat in his oflico last Monday morning looking over sonic marked advertise ments in the Sunday newspapers. Pres ently he rang for the superintendent and that gentleman came in. "Mr. Johnson," said the merchant, "these advertisements that I have marked here are worth inquiring into. It accmo tliot oomn of our competitors re offering special inducements at this tltno in the matter of holiday goods. ' Attend to this at once, please, and let one hear from you." Mr. Johnson towed, took the papers :nd walked out He devoted about half of the next hour to carefully reading over tho ' advertisements referred to by his employer. Then Mr. Johnson turned around and. nodding to one of .his clerks in his office, said: 1 wish you would find Miss Williams in the bric-a-brac department Tell bcr I would like to see her at once." The clerk went out, and in a few mo ments returned with a young woman. She was a very pretty, demure and intelligent-appearing pirl. She was well dresned, and seemed to know why she had been sent for. Nhe looked up at the Mupcrintendcnt with an inquiring lance as she said: "You sent for me, sir?" "Miss Williams." said Mr. Johnson, "we will have to send you out again to-day." Miss Williams simply nodded, smil ingly, and then Mr. Johnson took the marked papers and spread them out be fore ber. A long conversation followed. Kiss Williams made notes from the ad vertisements as she read them and re peated them over to herself a number of times as though committing them to memory. The superintendent said to her. "Now, I would like to be able to re port this matter to the firm by to-morrow, and if you are very spry you will be ble to get around to all these parties fto-day before six o'clock" Miss Williams now withdrew to tho room in which the clerks hung their wraps. In a few moments she came out with bonnet, gloves and wrap, looking not unlike many of the 6tylish young women who were coming in to start their day's shopping. When she stepped out into the street she looked up and down for a moment as though undecided which way to go. Then she pursed up her pretty lips into a pout, nodded her head in a knowing way and tripped off -at a lively pace toward Fifth avenue. She had not gone tar before she saw a throng of shoppers going into one of the big stores, r he followed in their wake, and although the crowd in front of her was very large she managed in some way to get near the front at each coun ter with very little difficulty. At one of the counters she remained for some time. . "I want to see some of that surah silk you have advertised," she said. The clerk took down several bolts of the silk and she examined it critically. 1 'Thank you," she said. A moment later she was at another counter, where large wax dolls were being disposed of to a hungry crowd of hoppers. There wore several clerks at Hals counter and the floor-walker also happened to be standing there. lie let , lils eye fall upon Miss Williams and he seemed to recognize ber. lie stepped tip to her, standing so that ho was be-1 tweon her and the counter, and said, in a voice slightly tinged with sarcasm; "Ah! how do you do, Miss Williams; very glad to see you." Miss Williams drew herself up very rigidly, stared at the floor-walker in a most haughty manner, and said, very indignantly: "Who are you, sir? I don't know you, sir. What do you mean, sir, by ad dressing me?" "Well," said the floor-walker. "I thought I recognized you as the Miss Williams who once was employed here as a cash girl." "No. sir. I, a cash girl! I am not the person, sir, at all. I don't know you. Am I to be insulted?" "Oh, no; I did not mean to insult you," said the floor-walker, taken some what aback by her grand airs. "I must have been mistaken." Miss Williams bowed frigidly in rec ognition of his apology and pushed ber way up to the counter. She bought sev eral of the dolls after examining them very closely, paid for them and ordered them sent to a house in West Forty fourth street She stopped at several other counters and bought other ar ticles, which she had sent to the same address. In the meantime tho floor-walker, whom she had so brusquely repulsed, had been talking to a young cash girl of more than usually intelligent appear ance. Evidently he was not satisfied of hi mistake so far as Miss Williams was concerned, for he said to the girl: "You just follow her. Don't lose sight of her if it takes until to-morrow morn ing. If she goes into a house, wait for her. If she goes into a storo follow her. If she stays there, find out whether she is a clerk or not If she don't keep on following her until you run her down." In consequence, when Miss Williams again went into the street the little cash girl was following her at a respect ful distance. After her experience with the floor-walker Miss Williams had be come very wary. She had maintained with considerable success the haughty demeanor she had assumed, and even when she stepped out into the street she held her nose high in the air. But after sho had gone about half a block, and had lookod around several times to see if she was being followed, the success of her bluff tickled hor so much that she burst out laughing. In a moment the laugh had departed and her face had resumed its usual demure expression, for she was sharp enough and experienced enough to know that such indulgence might prove fatal to her purpose. There were several other stores along Fourteenth street in which Miss Williams stopped, and at nearly every one she purchased something and had it sent to the Forty fourth street house. Khe frequently re ferred, when her memory was at fault to the notes she had made; but this was usually done on the street, and only with great caution within the stores. From Fourteenth street she started up town on Sixth avenue. One of the first of the big stores that she came to was more than usually crowded because of certain advertisements that had ap peared in the paper or tno aay oeiore. Before entering this store Miss Williams spent several minutes in studying over her notes. As she looked up from them and was about to put them into her pocket her eye caught the young cash girl, who had been following her. There was hardly a change in her face to de note that she recognized the girl, and only for a moment did a shade of annoy ance linger on her brow. Thon she pre tended to resume her study of the notes, but all the time she was watching the little girl out of the corners of her eyes. She had seen the girl In the store, and recognized her from this. It was now her aim to put the little one off her track. She put her notes into ber pocket with a decided air and turned about as though to retrace her Bteps. The little girl did not budge. Miss Williams walked half a block away, then turned round as though un decided, and saw that the little girl had still not moved. For a moment Miss Will iams was in doubt as to whether or not she had been mistaken. As she stood there outside the door the little girl looked as though she were waiting for her mother to come out and not as if she were playing the detective. To make certain. Miss Williams decided upon another test She turned quickly and walked around the corner, stopping so she could see tnrough the windows of the corner store on to Sixth avenue. A minute passed and the little girl had not appeared. Miss Williams was about to return when she saw the cash girl come slowly up the avenue, apparently with no special idea in mind. Miss Williams stepped back into a doorway and waited to see if the girl would pass, but she wa3 too wise for that After having waited several minutes Miss Williams' stock of atience was exhausted, and she came out There was the little girl standing on the cor ner, calm as ever, with just a little hint of a confident smile on her face. "You little rogue," said Miss Will iams to herself, "you knew I couldn't have gone to the other corner in so short a time, and so you waited for me to come out of hiding. Well, we will see." Miss Williams walked right along now as though she had really had some busi ness in the house from which she had emerged, and returned to the dry-goods store she had started to enter when in terrupted by the little girL But all her unpleasant experiences were not yet ended. She was examining some toys when a clerk said, sharply: "See here, what store do jou come from?" - - . "What do you mean," returned Miss Williams, again assuming the airs of a queen. "Oh, I know you," returned the clerk. "I have seen you Wore." "How dare you Insult me," said Miss Williams. "I shall report you." "Oh, that's all right," said the clerk. "I don't want to insult you, but I won't sell you any thing. You can not buy any thing here." Several other customers who were standing near looked up in surprise, while the little cash girl, who had smuggled herself in, leaned up against the adjoining counter and grinned from ear to ear. "Well, we will see about that" said Miss Williams. "Where is the superin tendent?" "Here, cash," said tho clerk, calling up a little cash girl, "take this lady to the superintendent" The clerk said this in a very sarcastic manner, and for once Miss Williams' anger and indignation were not feigned. She did not go to the superintendent however, but tried to outwit the clerk by going to another part of the store. The clerk was apprised of the fact how ever, and got around in time to balk Miss Williams in her attempt to purchase. The clerk could not of course, refuse absolutely to sell to her, but overcame this obstacle by saying that every thing was sold. Miss Williams was followed from counter to counter, and finally gave up in despair, having been able to pur chase only one article of the many she had started to get in this store. With few exceptions, however, in the other stores she went to she found no difficulty in obtaining all that she de sired. With the exception of a few minutes for lunch she was on her feet nearly the whole day. Several times she attempted to escape from the little girl who was following her, but each time was entirely unsuccessful. She stopped for half an hour at the house of a friend. When she came out she thought she had worn out the little girl's patience, for she was not in sight but several minutes later the little girl bobbed up serenely, having spent the meantime munching cakes in a bakery across the way from a house at which Miss Williams had been vis iting. When Miss Williams finally turned up at the store from which she had started, the cash girl was close behind her. Sho saw Miss Williams go up stairs and report to the superintendent and managed, through a shrewd ques tion or two, to find that she was em ployed there Then, with a knowing nod of the head and a self-satisfied smirk, she gave up the chase. Miss Williams had been comparatively suc cessful, and there were many articles awaiting her at home. Having an nounced this to the superintendent she went home, and the next morn ing came to the store at the usual hour with a written report of ber entire experience and tho samples she had ol tained. These were critically examined by the superintendent and then taken to the head of the firm. Nearly every Monday clerks from the various dry-goods houses go through this same experience, so that it has be come a recognized custom. It is the only way in which the big retail mer chants can keep themselves informed as to the inducements offered by their rivals. Monday is especially selected because the greatest bargains are usually advertised on the day previous. The object more particularly is to seo whether the goods are really sold as ad vertised, and to enable each merchant to see for himself whether he is being undersold by a competitor in any par ticular article. Rarely does the same clerk go out for more than two or three weeks in succession. When the articles he or she has purchased are brought to the merchant he compares them with the announcements in the advertise ments, and if any of them are sold cheaper than in his own store, then the buyers of those particular articles aro likely to be hauled over the coals. "Some clerks," said the superintend ent of one of the big stores recently, "go beyond thblr orders. I remember a girl who had been buying up bargains for a firm up town some time ago. Sho came to us and secured employment for the mere purpose of getting our prices and turning them over to the other firm. Of course no reputable clerk would do that and neither would a reputable firm countenance it A very amusing instance of one firm's picking up the bargains offered by another firm oc curred about a year ago, when an up town firm advertised Webster's Una bridged Dictionary for less money than we could buy it from the publishers. Every one of our clerks received orders when they went out to luncheon to buy one of those dictionaries. Unfortunately the clerks in other houses had received similar instructions, and the dictionaries were disposed of long before half our men had been able to get to the store." Not only do the firms endeavor to keep track of the bargains offered by their rivals, but they are fully m much interested in the prices of the regular stock goods. These art just as apt to vary as the prices of special bar gains." N. Y. Sun. An Irishman who is noted for being in scrapes was lately waiting examina tion in the matter of a light lathe po lice court when there entered a dignified young lawyer who had a case in court. "Hello," said the dignified young lawyer, 'what are you doing here?" "I'd have you understand, aor, I do not practice in this court I am a difindant" Saa Francisco Chronicle. GOSPEL OF MAMMON. A Mermon for tho Times Preached by Re. Robert Burtlette. (Appointed to be read in a loud tone of voice in the Church of the Holy Sin ners the first Sunday in the calendar of Saint Dives and fifty-one Sundays after that three times a day, before, after and during service, and at other times when convenient and there is a big crowd present To be read in all the churches that expect or hope to collar the shekels of the ungodly or rake in the scads of the good in the year of grace 1889. Now there was a certain rich man, which was clothed in purple and fine linen and fared sumptuously every day. Blessed forever be his memory, for he hath this day given $95,000 to the church societies, and hath 84,000,000 left for himself. Shout his name mightily, and let it appear in four-line pica at the head of the column. Blessed is the man who can give his check for three figures; bis seed shall be mighty upon the earth. But more blessed is he who can make it four; his name shall be written in the records and printed in the minutes of the association and graven with the pen of a cunning scribe upon the chronicles of the conference. Yes, they shall call him Mister in the synod and Doctor him in the convention. But thrice blessed is he who can make it a ten and five noughts; his horn shall be exalted with honor; he shall be known in the congregation and on 'change, when he sitteth among the elders of the land. Yea, when he goeth forth a horn shall be blown before him, and when he giveth a dollars gong shall be beaten in the sanctuary. Lazarus shall behold him from afar off and make ready to vacate the prem ises in Abraham's bosom. Abraham shall hear of it and shall greatly enlarge his bosom and have it newly furnished and re upholstered throughout Selah. The praise of our lips shall set him on high: if it be so that he can not read then will we cal our colleges after him; and if it be that he signeth his name with a "mark," lo, then shall we endow Chairs of Egyptology and Sanscrit liter ature in his name. FltOM AS OBSOLETE fiOKrEL. (Extract from a strange manuscript found in an obscure country church, said lo have been written by a man named Mark, but believed by our richest schol ars, on account of the general air of im probability and the absurdly impractica ble and preposterous teachings enunci ated therein, to be the cunning inven tion of a satirist) "And Jesus sat over against the treas ury, and behold how the people cast money into the treasury; and many that were rich cast in much. And there came a certain poor widow, and she threw in two mites, which make a farthing. And he called unto Him His disciples, and saith unto them: 'Verily 1 say unto you, that this poor widow hath cast more in than all tbey which have cast into the treasury. For all they did cast in of their abundance; but she of ber want did cast in all that she had, even all her living.' "Brooklyn Eagle. SENSIBILITY TO PAIN. It Is Mors Developed In the rvoas Than In the Muscular Type of Btea. In dealing with man we may roughly divide him into two main types the nervous and the muscular. The nervous type would bo represented by the man with .an active, piercing eye; a face whose features exhibit all the charac teristics of energy,, intensity of thought and feeling; a narrow chest and badly developed muscles. In the muscular type we should find the man with features ex hibiting a constant expression of repose, with powerful and well-developed limbs and slow of speech and movement Good examples of the one type might be found among our scholars and students, of the other type among our agricultural laborers. These are ex treme cases; in some of us the muscle , element predominates, in others the nervous. But the important part is that those types are not equally sensitive to pain. Any medical man, if lying on his own experience, would say that as a gen eral rule the nervous type was far more sensitive than the muscuUr. Numerous examples have occurred in the writer's own experience all pointing in the same directum; indeed, he has knows men of the muscular type urder go the moot painful operations who have at the time exhibited no indications of suffering, and have on being questioned Sy him acknowledged that they did not feci much. But the evidence b even stronger in the case of uncivilized races, the observations of all travelers pointing to the extreme insensibility to pain ex hibited by savages. A good example was given in the Spectator a few months ago, when a correspondent related the fact that on the introduction of hoots into New Zealand the vanity of the natives was so great that when one of them was happy enough to become the possessor of a pair and found that they were too small he would not hesitate to chop off a toe or two, stanch the bleed ing by covering the stump with a little hemp, and then force the feet into the boots. . Other facts connected with diseases of the brain may be cited in support of this suggestion that the more active and wide-awake the brain is the more sensi tive to pain does it become. In early inflammation o&the brain, when thi amount of blood circulating through it is larger than usual, it becomes ex tremely sensitive, so much to that a bright light or a load sound gives rise to actual pais, while at a later stage, whoa the circulation is much diminished, all these symptoms disappear, and the patient becomes less - sensitive than when in health. Nineteenth Century. WOOLEN UNDERCLOTHING. Why It Should Be Worn In Hammer M . Well ste In Winter. Without going so far as to say that. every article of a man s apparel ought to be woolen, it is an undisputed fact that this material is the beBt suited for underclothing, either in winter or sum mer. And the reasons are not far to seek. Neither linen or cotton is capable of protecting the body from external heat in the summer, nor of conserving the warmth of the body in winter, be cause, being good conductors of beat, they allow it to permeate. Wool, on the other hand, is a non-conductor; and there is little doubt that the death rate in this country would be greatly re duced, and the wards of the hospitals for diseases of the chest less crowded, were woolen garments to be worn by young and old. But to parody tbe words of an ancient advertisement, when we ask for wool we should see that we get it Two kinds of articles will be placed on the counter before the intending purchaser a cheap and a dear. The latter, however, will be the cheaper in the long run, for ten to one the former is a well-put-together mixture of cotton and wooL It is easy to show any one how to tell such a mixt ure at a glance almost but difficult to describe on paper, so the novice in this matter should take some one with him, or her, when going to shop, and should pay a fair price and deal only with re spectable tradesmen. Beware of. wearing dyed flannels next to the skin. I know there is a great run on red, but this color Is just as like ly to contain poisonous matter as any other. Silk for the undergarments of men with tender skins has much to recommend it though it takes but sec ond place to wool. Then in point of cold-resisting qualities, comes merino. This may be worn next the skin by men wearing the time-honored linen shirt The undervest or semmet must not be of dyed material Another thing may be said in favor of woolen underclothing it keeps up the healthful action of the skin far better that any other material can. Cassell'a Family Magazine. APPETITES OF BIRDS. A Theory That Much Feeding Slay Be a Cause of Lons; Living. A German ornithologist has been look ing into the subject of birds' ages re cently. The swan, he concludes, is the longest lived of all birds. Tbe oldest swan of which there is a record lived 300 years. Many falcons are known to have lived 10-J years. The vulture and the eagle are also very long lived. In 1819 an osprey died which had been caught in 1715, at which time it was full grown and probably five or six years old. A white-headed vulture caught in 1706 died in the bird-house of the imperial pleasure palace at Schonbrunn, near Vi enna, in 1824. Parrots often live a century after they have been captured and tamed. Sea and swamp birds usually live several gener ations. Geese, if left to themselves, and cuckoos also reach a very old age. Ravens rarely die under 100 years of age. Magpies seldom pass more than twenty or twenty-five years in confine ment When free they live forty or fifty years. The barn-yard rooster in good luck 1a generally healthy and strong till he has passed his fifteenth year. Pigeons are good for ten years: singing birds for eight to eighteen years. Nightingales in captivity live about ten years; black birds about fifteen years; canaries, in captivity, twelve to fifteen years; al though on the islands where they origi nated they. often live twenty-five or thirty years. Just why birds get so mnch more of life than men is something that nobody knows. One reason often given is that they eat so much. A bird's appetite Is tremendous. A thrush puts down with one swallow the biggest snaiL To per form a corresponding feat a man would, have to take a whole leg of beef at a bite, A robin redbreast is also a terrible eater. It bas been calculated that a mass of food equivalent to an angle worm fourteen feet long is required daily to keep a robin in good condition. N. Y. Sun. Pretty Sofa-Cnahlon Cover, A beautiful sofa-cushion cover, which is new and fast becoming popular, is made of pale terra ootta moire and leaf green satin ribbon. The ribbon is two inches wide and the cover is formed by cutting the ribbons in lengths twenty four inches long. The terra ootta rib bons are ail laid in one direction, and those of leaf green are'wovec is and out so as to form squares like a checker-board. At each corner of the square a small, stemless daisy is worked in terra eotta and leaf green. The ends of the ribbons are turned to form sharp points, and small silk tassels are fastened on each point This naique over is laid over a large cushion covered with terracotta silk. Any favorite combination of col ors might be used which would harmo nize with the general furnishings of the room forwhlch the cushion is intended. Louisville Courier-Journal. - , There is no reason why any girl, or woman not deformed and about twenty five or thirty years cf age should sot have a graceful and well-dsveleped figure, and gymnastica will give it ta, her. Albasy Argus. - '