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Baxter Springs News
CHAS. L. SMITH, Editor ft Owner. BAXTER SPRINGS . KANSAS Rurmah la to hare a Pasteur Insti tute. Automobile fumea may not kill ml crobes, but automobiles do. Castro la a pretty bad man. but It la Dot bettered be can beat the Dutch. In Oregon a Mr. Marrowfat has map rted a Miss rettlbone. Clear case of misalliance. If a flying machine really has to go anywhere It takes the railroad or steamboat One-serenth of the foreign com tnerce of Great Britain passes through the Sues canal. New Tork'a first "skyscraper" Is be ing torn down to make room for one that really will scrape. You only hare to go six miles to find m temperature of 80 degrees below tero. Which way? Vp. Some men hare all the luck. A Wis consin man has married a deaf and dumb girl worth $2,000,000. Young Turkey does not propose to grace the festlre board of the sultan if It has anything to say in the matter. Good bread, eaysTbr Wiley, Is the only true producer of happiness. Corn on the cob Isn't so bad. that way, though. Dlondea are said to be disappear ing, but they will come back again as long as there Is peroxide of hydrogen In the market. This affinity business is getting sc common orer In New York that for the sake of convenience the term has been shortened to "affin." Count BonI would doubtleBB be will lng to accept an allowance of $60,000 a year, eren If Prince Helle were sent regularly to hand It to him. In New York the theaters hare a seating capacity of 123,795. Then comes London, with 120,950, and Paris takes third place, with 83,331. A railroad In Honduras, which has JuBt been opened to traffic as far as Celba, 85 miles, was built with creo aoted pine ties from the United States. Diplomatic relations between Tur key and Italy are strained, which seems to be about the only purpose of having diplomatic relations with Tur key, anyhow. Since the decline of the duel and the dlscorery of Bright's disease there has been nothing Inrented which picks off rich young bloods like the 70-mile- an-hour motor car. The English have discovered that more housekeepers go Insane than any other class. Men who have gone home late at night from the club have been Inclined to think that, also. The Molteno (Cape Colony) farmers have hit upon a novel plan for dealing with locusts. A farmer has Imported some eagle kites for the purpose of scaring locusts from the crops. Turks used to be mad because so many of them were in jail and now they are mad because the sultan has turned so many out. Evidently the task of pleasing a Turk is not easy. Miss fcotta S. Rand of Lynn, Mass., has been appointed deputy superin tendent for the blind In Boston. She had been secretary of the Lynn Asso ciated Charities for more than 11 years. The Dutch are going to be deliber ate about getting Into a mix-up with V-nezuela. We can hardly believe the Dutch would become fussy over the matter, even If this were not the hot season. There has been an epidemic of sul clde In St. Petersburg for three months, the average number being 85 a month. The high record for a day was reached lately, when 18 per sons killed themselves. A Chicago woman who saved her pin money has bought and paid for a home without calling on her husband for any contributions. All the other women are, of course, wondering whether she trimmed her own hats. An airship line la to be established between New York and Boston, prob ably by the same persons who a while ago were advertising the. line over which yon would be able to travel from New York to Chicago In ten hours. So many peanuts are eaten In this country that the native supply Is sot sufficient for the demand and about $3,000 wirth of the African nuts wer Imported from Marseilles In 1901 and over $73,000 worth In 1907. The west coast of Africa produces quantities oi ' peanuts. JOnN BY GEO. V. HOBART, Dear Bunch: Your letter from Hep lin Is here, and after picking all the "Hochs!" and "Gesundhelts!" out of It we're hop to the fact that you're both having a swell time atnong the Ger mans. Tell Alice to bring me home a stein empty. I can get the boor and the "Proslts!" over here. Your German letter having created an atmosphere, It's up to mo to tell you about old Elsie Shulz. who Is spending a few days at Uncle Peter's home across the rotvl. Elsie Is a sort of a privileged chat scter In our family, having lived wl'li Aunt Martha for over 20 years as a tort of housekeeper. Yesterday morning, while Poaches ind I were at breakfast. Elsie niean- "I Get It." dered in. bearing in her hand a wed ding Invitation which Herman had for warded to her from Plainflold. Elsie read the Invitation. "Mr. and Mrs. Rudolph Gandcikurds request der honor of your presence at der mar riage of delr daughter. Verbena, . to Galahad Schmalzenberger, at der home of der pride's parents, Plainfield, N. J.. May first. R. S. V. P." Veil." said Elsie. "I know der Gan- dwkurds und I know delr daughter Verbena, und I know Galahad Scbmal aenberger; he's a floorwalker In Bauerhaupt's grocery store, but. 1 doan'd know vot Is dot R. S. V. P. yet!" I gently kicked Peaches on the in step under the tj.ble, and said to Elsie: "Well, that's a now one on me, also. Are you sure It isn't B. & O. or the C..R. R. of N., J.? Those are a couple of railroads In New Jersey. but I never heard of the R. S. V. P.. For the first time lu her life since she's been able to grab a sentence be tween her teeth and shake the pro nouns out of it Elsie was amazed. She kept looking at the Invitation and saying to herself: "R. S. V. P.: Vot Is It? I know der honor of your presence; I know der pride's parents, but 1 don't know R. S. V. P." All that day Elsie wandered through the house muttering to herself "R. S. P.! Vot is It? Is it some secret between der prido und groom? R. S. V. P.? It aln'd my Initials, because dcy begin nilt E. S. Vot Is dot R. S. V. P.? Vot Is It? Vot Is It?" That evening we were nil at dinner when Elsie nibbed In with a cry of Joy. "1 got It!" she said. "I have untied der meaning of dot R. S. V. P. It means Real Silver Veddlng Pres ents!" I was just about to drink a glnus of water, bo I changed my mind and near ly choked to death. Peaches tried to say sometnlng. which resulted In a gurgle In her throat; the Swede servant girl rushed out in the kitchen and broke a couple Rebuke Humorously Couched. When E. L. Godkln was editor of the New York Erenlng Post he was supposed by many to lack a sense of humor. But those in his employ who stood clcse to him knew bolter. One morning he sent for his young city editor. "Lost night," said Mr. Godkln. "1 read In the Post an account of the suicide of a boy. Your news paragraph reported the motive that the boy was being resisted at home In a premature inclination to marry. Mr. Blank, can you imagine how that father felt when you accused him, for what was no doubt done In a sense of loving duty, of being the cause of the death of his child r The young city editor stammered an apology. Thank yon for your explanation," said Godkln. "But," He went on in a more decided tone, "If anything like that ever happens again. I will give yon fair warning, air. that I will leare this paper! I will not work tor a paper that says things so cruel!" tlCNBY ON TINE TD?AIDEIJ. ("HUGH M'HUGH.") of dishes, while Uuclo Peter, who was dining with us, fell off his chair on tho cat which had never done him any harm. Elsie's Interpretation of that wed ding present Is going to set Herman Shuls back several dollars, or I'm not a foot high. This same Herman Is a character, by the way, Bunch. He's a horse trader by profeaslon and a con thrower by nature. I must tell you, Bunch, about Her man when he lived and flourished In Rochester, N. Y. A friend of ours named Will Hodge also lived In Rochester at that time, and Will went to Herman ta buy a horse. Herman had at this time an old sor rel horso which would never travel over half a mile without balking. At some remote period of Its life the sorrel had been docked, but Her man decided he could Bell the horse quicker If It had a long tall, bo he glued on a tall which he kept in the barn for this purpose. One of the peculiar features about this old sorrel was the fact that just before be would begin to balk and stop dead in his tracks the right ear would fly back and stay'there. And Just before ho Intended to start again tho left ear would fly back and Join tho right ear. Then as the old correl went JoyouBly on his way once more both ears would stand out straight, and all would be well. The old sorrel always made these signals, rain or shine. Another peculiar fact was this, that once the old sorrel's nose was pointed for home he never stopped, but went like the wind when It Isn't blowing very hard. Well, off goes Will Hodge to Her man Shulz to inquire about a horse, and Herman hitches up the old sorrel. While hitching Herman starts In to explain what a clever old beast the "Herman Would Yell Whoa!" sorrel Is, and by the time they get started out of the barn in the buggy Hodge has an idea that he is riding behind Sysonby's stepbrother. When they got out about half a mile hack went the sorrel'B right ear. and Herman said quickly: "Whoa, whoa, boy! Whoa!" Of course, the old sorrel Intended to whoa anyway, but Hodge didn't know that. Then Herman would point at the scenery with the whip and describe it, all the time watching the old sor rel's left ear for the starting signal. Presently back went the left ear, and then Herman would stop describ ing the scenery, and with a loud "Ged dap!" the old sorrel would start off once more. At the end of another half mile Pity and the There was a widow (her husband had been dead for a fortnight) who lircd In a humble and honest way, and who achieved triplets at a stroke. Two newspapers, touched, and rightly, by her indigence, decided that a candy shop would be a pleasant thing for her. They ran a human story that fairly dripped mercy and loving kind ness, telling of the tenement home, the bereavement, and the scheme for ready bargains In caramels and choco late kisses. The public, which Is everything rather than stony-hearted, sent back $1,000 and the widow waa able not only to start her shop, but to Include a soda fountain. ' This is the same public that throws newspapers and banana peels Into the hospitable gutter, and thereby cuts off the ap propriations for tenement house In spection; spits on the sidewalks .-and In public buildings, and thereby mul tlnllea disease. The average person responds to obvious signs of sympathy J back would go the Bonel's right oar. and Herman would yell "Whoa!" and then Bay:' "Her on the right I would like to point out to you the Methodist orphan asylum, and over there Is Chase ft Pendleton's cele brated aash factory. Orer there on the left" But Just then tho sorrel a left ear would fly back, and Herman would hare to say "Oed-dapP light In the midst or his .description of the scenery. This was kept up about four times, and then all of a sudden Hodge let out a roar. "For-the lore. of a kind Heaven!" veiled Will, "don't you know that I came out here to see this horse gc and not to listen to your lectures on this bum scenery? Why, man. I hare lived in Rochester all my life and I know all about the aash factories and the orphan asylums, and I am on fa miliar terms with evenr bit of scenery you can shake a whip at, bo now I will thank you kindly to point the reins of this horse and make Dim commence." "Ach! oxcooa, oxcoos;" said Her man. "You vish to see him trafel. Is It? 8o! I show you!" Then Herman turned the old bop rel around, pointing his nose at the "Saw a Man Running." oats In the barn, and the wise old bonerack never stopped running until tbev were back home. Hodge bought the horse on the strength of that return trip. That afternoon Hodge took the sor rel out for a little exercise. Pretty soon It began to rain, the glue melted, and when Will saw his horse's tall drop off he nearly fell out of the wagon. An hour later Herman was Bitting In his barn door, when he saw a man running towards him who looked something like Hodge and something like a Ylgllaan rnmnilttee. The man had a buggy whip In one hand and a horse's tail In the other, and he was traveling bell bent for election. Herman took one peep at blm, then he fell sideways out of the barn win dow and hid tor three days In his cellar. I don't think Will and Herman ever meet, because both of them are still alive and uninjured. Yours for the Germans, JOHN. (Copyright, 1908, by G. W. Dillingham Co.) Sneeze Cause for Divorce. Mrs. John Buckles of Denver Is af ter a divorce because her husband sneezes. It makes her nervous and the baby nervous, and even the neigh bors get fidgety and talk when John wakes up in the middle of the night with a rousing old "Ho-rash-Bhoo!" That's the way Mrs. Buckles described it to the attorney she applied to. John uses snuff and when he awakened he would take a pinch of snuff and then lie In bed, hump his back and hora shoo 50 times or more. It would shake the bed and knock all the covers off and the baby would Bet up a yell, and Mrs. BuckleB just got distracted. The attorney told her that perhaps John could not help It, but the lady in sisted she wouldn't lire with the hora shoo man. She went off declaring she would think up some more bad habits of John's if sneezing wasn't fit cause for action. Minneapolis Journal. Picturesque rather than to bigger and more distant good. CoIller'B Weekly. City Cleanliness. Cleanliness never hurt anybody or gave him typhoid. The death rate in Rome has fallen from 30 per 1,000 to ten per 1,000 since It raised its street cleaning expenditure from $15,000 a year to $280,000 a year. Hamburg had 13 cholera epidemics between 1831 and 1873. The city cleaned up along with other German cities, and now the Ger man physicians are praying the gov eminent to limit the supply of medical students. Cleaning up helps to de stroy the flies' breeding places, and the flies carry half the diseases Into the groceries. Minneapolis Journal. German and French. Germany publishes wry-year neap ly twice as many new books as France. The number of n German books la 1907 was 30,073. , "I can ses Maude's finish I" -Sor Mt "She's on tbs third lap tow." Chi cago Record. "What was the fruit of your woo ing?" "A lemon." Baltimore American. Two beads are better than a dozen in a love affair. A cheerful lie makes more friends than a solemn truth. It s hard lines witn tne poet wno Isn't able to sell them. Some men treat their wires well, and some wires help themselves. Mrs. Stubb It states In this maga zine, John, that the shortest men on earth are the Laplanders. Mr. Stubb H'mt They couldn't bo BU BUUI Vl iuau sas - after his summer vacation. Chicago Dally News. "Every man Is the architect of bis own fortune," quoted the Wise Guy. "Yes, but be wants to keep solid with the building Inspectors," added the Simple Mug. Philadelphia Rec ord. "Poor Tom, It cost him a terrible lot to give up bis sweetheart" "Then why did he?" "Because it would have cost him a great deal more If he hadn't" Ths Tattler. GLOBE SIGHTS. From the Atchison Globe. A girl thinks It a sin to do lots of things which she gets the boys to do. You would be surprised at tho things Bald about you behind your back. What In the world is more trivial than the reason people have for dis liking yon! Your friends are often afraid 'to do you a favor, fearing It will displease your enemy. Actions speak louder than words. They have to, In -order to bo heard above the boasting. An Atchison bride who said a month ago that her husband was the sweetest man in the world, is already beginning to Bay that he is the sweet est man In town. "Am I, madam," an angry man shouted to hia wife the other day, when she handed him the children's shoe bill, "the father of centipedes?" You csn generally tell a man's busi ness by what he rests his eyes upon. If he looks at your shoes, he Is In tho shoe business; If he gazes at your Wha. ha Via a aomathlnff to do With IUB UUUUUS , ' your watch be la s Jeweler, and a hat ter always glances at your tile. The above is only true of men. When two women meet they look each other all QUAKER MEDITATIONS. From the Philadelphia Record. Love letters L. O. V. and E. A man needn't get tight Just be cause money Is. It doesn't take much strength to raise objections. The person who takes things on faith gets many a Jolt A man must work hard if he would taek things easy. The world would rather call a bluff than recognize the real thing. Hoax "What do you think of that fellow Boyle?" Joax "Boyle? The very name gives me a pain." There are people so constituted that they seem to get a lot of pleasure out of not having any fun in llfo. Wigg "Old Gotrox is simply roll ing in wealth." Wagg-"I should think he might find a better use for It" First Bleacherlte "Baseball is be ing Introduced into Japan." 8econd Bleacherlte "Why. there have always been Japanese fans." Muggins "Just because a man tries to borrow money it doesn't prove that he Is a genius." Bugglns "No; some times he doesn't get it" . u .i.ttiin. knainoaa. wnnn na evea Film What did you see In Europe? Flam Why. tho beggars. Chicago News. 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