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Wif/* the Long Bow
Corrects the Error.
vented from Appearing in the Daily Press as "Strictly
Insectarian"Callous Proofroom Defies Temptation and
are moments when the proofroom on a great family
paper does not want to be alone. It longs to share its
gems of literature and thought with the great, harsh, grind
ing world outside.
Such an occasion was that of last Tuesday "when, in the
description of a workingman's home or of a great family
hotel or of a hospital of some kind, it matters not what, the
writer longed to say that it was "unsectarian" and did
write it that way with his little pen and ink.
But when it came into the proofroom, the printer, with
almost human intelligence, had entered into collusion with
the Megenthaler to have it read:
So great was- the unholy joy of the proofroom that they
were nearly prepared to risk their luxurious positions on the
paper by letting it appear as fate evidently intended
it should, "strictly insectarian." Unhappily it couldn't be
In the eastern novels, not the Indiana brand, the sea has
so much lobster in it that it moans terribly at night, when
the hero and heroine stand beside it and look far out,
A lover of the cow writes to this column to protest
against a certain variety of Hindoo oath having to do with
the vain use of the name of the milk producer. There is the
profane exclamations, "holy cow!" and, "By the stomach
of the eternal cow!" These are Hindoo cuss words of great
fierceness and antiquity and probably correspond to the
American farmer's hostile invective, "by hen." Then
there's grandma's blasphemy in times of great stress:
Evidently the mind needs some familiar figure from which
to start explosively when things go wrong. Eugene Field's
favorite "by the dog" should not be forgotten in this con-
nection for it is often very soothing.
"Boots" is Mr. and Mrs. Arthur K. Lord's dog. For
eighteen years Boots has had his bones with a hunk of the
tenderloin left on. For eighteen years he has been the pet
.of the Lord family in little old New York. On his eighteenth
birthday Mr. and Mrs. Arthur K. Lord gave Boots a fash
ionable luncheon. Surrounding the board were persons prom
inent in society. The guest of honor, Boots, was seated at
the right hand of the hostess, and all things considered, he
behaved himself well. His menu consisted of tid bits of
beef, rice and bread, and he went thru the bill in a manner
that could not but be pleasing to all concerned. Boots had
his dinner served in silver platters and was attired in fash
ionably grown dogskin, with silver collar worn decollete or
down in the neck. Now and then he emitted a slight bark
when the beef didn't travel his way quite rapidly enough.
It was a swell affair thruont and Boots is to be con-
gratulated on having picked hjs family to such advantage
Speaking of Wagner's "Siegfried" Tolstoi says that he
saw an a"tor7 "with white, weak, genteel handi, bpating an
impossible sword with an unnatural hammer, in a way in
which no one ever uses a hammer, and, at the same time,
opening his mouth in an unnatural way and singing some
thing incomprehensible." If you are young and have your
best girl beside you, you do not mind little things like that.
-A. J. R.
ABBITS, 20 cents each.
Turkeys, 22 cents a pound.
Egg plant, 15 and 20 cents each.
Cauliflower, 15, 20 and 25 cents each.
Garlic, 20 cents a pound.
Green peppers, 5 cents each three for 10 cents
Celery, 15, 25 and 85 cents a dozen.
Catawba grapes, 20 cents a basket.
Tangerine oranges, 30 cents a dozen.
Quinces, 60 cents a peck.
Turkeys still remain higher than they were at this time
last year, but the market man promises that there will not
be any advance before Thanksgiving, and, of course, they
may drop a bit in price. There are some rabbits in the
market, not as many as there will be later when the weather
is colder, but enough to give those who are fond of rabbits
Skin the rabbit by cutting a slit under the throat and
pulling the skin off. Cut off the feet and head, then draw,
wash, and let soak for fifteen minutes in warm water to
draw out the blood. The rabbit may be boiled, curried,
fricasseed or fried. To curry, cut the rabbit into joints and
put in a stewpan with two tablespoonfuls of butter and
three sliced onions let brown, pour in one pint of boiling
stock, mix one tablespoonful each of curry and flour smooth
ly in a little water, and put in the pan, with pepper and salt
and a few cloves, if you fancy them simmer half an hour
or more, squeeze in the juice of half a lemon, add a little
parsley and serve in the center of a platter with a rice
border. Water may be used instead of, stock, and a little
sour apple and grated cocoanut stewed with the curry, if
When dressed lettuce is served for the salad, cheese cro-
quettes are a novelty to pass with the course, and butter or
water biscuits are passed, too, according to the December
Woman's Home Companion. Scald three-fourths of a cupful
of milk with two slices of onion, and then remove the onion.
Melt four tablespoonfuls of butter, add three table
spoonfuls of flour and pour on gradually, while stir-
ring ^constantly, three-fourths* of a cupful of hot
milk. Add three-fourths of a cupful of grated soft cheese,
season with salt and cayenne, and spread on a plate to cool.
Shape into balls about one and one-half inches in diameter,
dip in crumbs, egg and crumbs again, fry in deep fat, and
drain on brown paper. Arrange on a plate covered with a
GOOD CURE FOR WIPE-BEATERS.
*17IFE-BEATERS," said a magistrate, "a re wisely pun-
VV ished in some German towns.
*'The wife-beater is not imprisoned. He is compelled to
do his work as usual. But his salary is handed over each
week to his wife, and he, from Saturday night till Monday
morning, is kept in jail.
"This punishment usually lasts about ten weeks. One
administration of it cures the wife-beater as a rule. And
how much wiser a punishment it is than the one we give,
which, imprisoning the man, obliges his wife and children,
during his imprisonment, to suffer for want of money and
-'Eye nature'* walks, shoot folly as It flies."
How an Old Maid's Home, Strictly Unsectarian, "Was Pre-
IF HE ISN'T, HE OUGHT TO BE.
The Thermometer to the Storm WindowThe weather
man has a joke"colder weather." Are you on?
Mattson and the Dog
WAS just before noon when the dog came in
on 'change. Everyone stopped to look at the
animal, and the messenger boys began to
pet him. He looked too well-fed and re
spectable to be a tramp dog, yet clearly he
was without a master. The doorkeeper
hustled him out, for dogs have no business
on the trading floor of a great commercial
institution like the Chamber of Commerce.
As the dog slunk down the hall, Mattson,
a trader, came out of Watson's office and
started for the pit. Mattson loves dogs. He
can beat down the price of wheat, or squeeze
the shorts 'by bidding it up, without turning
an eyelash, but a dog in trouble touches his heart. Instantly
he went to the animal, and soon the two were friends, for
dogs have instinct and know the men who are to be trusted.
"Poor brute," said Mattson, "I'll take care of you."
But the jnarket turned, duty called, and Mattson ran for the
Take him back in the ifice,'' he called to one of the
officeboys, "and tell the bookkeeper to keep him for me."
When the gong struck for 1-15, and the tension of the
pit was relaxed, Mattson hastened back, and there was the
dog lying on the floor and looking contented and happy.
Thru the afternoon,
while Mattson figured k ir
up his reports, he and fc*\ I"
the dog grew to know
each other better, and
he began to realize that
here was no ^common
cur that beneath a
rough and shaggy ex
terior there beat the
heart of a true dog.
Their friendship grew
with each passing hour,
and when Mattson
started home, at 5 p.m.,
the dog trotted after
At Eleventh street
and Nicollet a great
thought flashed in upon
Mattson. The dog
would want to eat.
What should he give
Back down Nicollet
they started. There
were several attractive butchers' shops along the route, but
most of them were crowded there were ladies in them buy
ing meats, and caniages outside, and the Chamber of Corn-
amerce man did not feel like bracing in and buying a soup
bone. Clear down Nicollet they continued, the dog never
losing sight of his protector. At Third street they turned,
for the Provision company was just around the corner. As'
they reached the front the dog darted in and lay down under
a counter. Wonderful instinct,'' said Mattson to himself.
"The brute knows it's a meat shop."
"Give me," said Mattson, a large bone for a dog."
"Yes, sir," said the man, and he wrapped up a bone,
took Mattson's dime, and smiled.
"Got a good dog,^ir?"
A poor wandering brute that I picked up," said Matt
son. "He appears to have quality. Come here!" He
snapped his fingers and the dog got up. "There he is," said
Mattson. "What do you think
But the man was gasping. "What!" he cried. "What!
That dog? Why, man, that's my dog. That's old Billy he's
been around here for a year.''
Mattson looked at the man for a long time. Then he
looked at the dog. Then he looked at his brown paper
parcel, then back at the man. and back at the dog.
"Well," he said, I guess you might as well .give him
THEN E LOOKED AT THE DOG,
WOMAN'S INCREDIBLE INDUSTRY.
Edward M. Paxson, former superior court justice
Pennsylvania, praised, at a dinner in Philadelphia,
"Sitting in a certain case," he said, I heard an attorney
say to a woman avitnessa pale and slender woman witness:
'Now, tell the court, please, what you did on the morn
ing in question between the hours of 8 and 9?'
'Well,' that slender and pale lady began, 'fiist I
dressed the three children, and saw that their breakfast was
properly served. Then I darned two pairs of stockings,
mended a hole in my husband's pocket, made the five beds,
bathed and dressed the baby, curled its hair, and heated its
biseiiit and milk. After that I dusted the parlor and dining
room, watered'the plants, and picked fresh flowers for the
parlor vases. Then I ordered the day's meat from the butcher,
the bread from the baker, and the vegetables from the grocer.
It was now time to'
"Here," said Justice Paxson, "the good woman-was in-
terrupted. Who knows, otherwise, how long our case would
THE MINNEAPOLIS^JOURNAL, i****
A String of Good Stories
THE UNINTELLIGIBLE IS GREAT.
were discussing Sarah Bernhardt the other night
at a Broadway chophouse, wondering if her American
season this year will be as successful as of old. One man
was moted to narrate what he said he considered the most
artistic performance he ever saw the Frenchwoman give.
It was in Detroit, and the play was one of those innu
merable pieces where the wife, discovering the husband un-
faithful, protests in a stormy scene that she will go forth
and do likewise. This man sat in the pit, paying little atten
tion to what was occurring on the stage, when suddenly his
ear caught an unfamiliar sentence in Bernhardt's tirade.
He sat up and listened. To his astonishment the actress,
while weeping and scolding and storming at her husband
quite as she should, was delivering herself in choice French
of an invective against Detroit hotels in general, and the
hotel where she was registered in particular. The food was
bad, the service was worse, and if ever she came to that
house again might she hope to die and dwell forever in
America. So she spoke, and fell weeping at her stage
husband's knees. The audience, thrilled by her "consum
mate art," burst into rapturous applause. The man in the
pit gazed around for some sign of appreciation in a fellow
listener but in vain. Nobody near him understood French.
"Well," said one of the men to whom .the story was told,
"I'm free to "admit that all actors seem great to me who
speak a language I cannot understand."
There is more than a grain of truth in that remark.
PREXY AND THE BOY.
President Angell of the University of Michigan
had to his present high position a young
hopeful entering college was recommended to his considera
"Try the boy out, professor criticize him and tell us both
what you think," the parents said.
To facilitate acquaintance the professor took the bpy for
a walk. After ten minutes' silence the youth ventured:
"Fine day, professor."
"Yes with a faraway look.
Ten minutes more and the young man, squirming all
the time, ventured: "This is a pleasant walk, professor."
For another ten minutes the matriculate boiled to his
bones and then blurted out that he thought they might have
"Yes." And this time the professor went on: "Young
man, we have been walking together for half an hour, and
you have said nothing which was not commonplace and
"True," answered the boy, his wrath passing his mod
esty, "and you indorsed every word I said."
Then they laughing shook hands, and word went home
from the professor that the boy was all right and that they
were great friends.
THE EDITED COMEDY.
FITCH was enjoying a musical comedy.
is superb," he said to one of the authors,
that gentleman, with a sour smile, replied:
"You are not complimenting me. You are complimenting
the manager. I confess I don't recognize my own book
Mr. Fitch laughed.
"Take that in good part," he said. "You are coining
money. Then take it as a friend of mine in London did.
"At a musical comedy in London, from my seat in the
stalls, I noticed a young man in one of the boxes laughing
uproariously. My companion was a critic. I said to him:
'That chap in the box seems to be enjoying himself."
'He is the author,' said my friend.
'Well, then,' said I, I think he ought to have better
taste than to laugh so loud.'
'Oh,' said the critic, 'he is the author, but he never
heard these jokes before. They were put in by the come-
FREDERICCI, the head of New York's roast
chestnut trust, an organization not to be despised, was
praising Italy in a cafe.
"The only bad thing about Italy is its train service," he
said. I shall never forget a winter experience of mine on
the railroad that runs along the Mediterranean from Ven
timille to Genoa.
I boarded this train at Ventimille one morning, bound
for San Remo. Off we started, snow-covered mountains to
our left, orange groves and rose farms about us, the blue
sea on our right, and after some minutes we stopped.
'Is this Bordighera?' I said to a guard.
'No. It's a cow,' he answered. 'There's a cow on the
"Well, after a while the cow was driven off, and we got
under way again. Some few miles were traversed in a
leisurely way, and thenwe stopped again.
'Another cow?' I said to the guard, bitterly.
'No,' he replied. 'The same one.'
SHE SAW THE TRAGEDY.
TILLMAN of South Carolina tells of a little
girl whose statements were always exaggerated until she
became known in school*and Sunday school as a little liar."
Her parents were dreadfully worried about her, and made
strenuous efforts to correct the bad habit. One afternoon
her mother overheard an argument with her playmate, Willie
Bangs, who seemed to finish the discussion by saying em-
phatically: "I'm older than you, 'cause my birthday comes
first in May, and yours don't come until September."
"Oh, of course your birthday comes first," sneeringly
answered little Nellie "but that is 'cause you came down
first. I remember looking at the angels when they were
"Come here, Nellie come here instantly!" cried her
mother. "It is breaking mother's heart to hear you tell such
awful stories. You remember what happened to Ananias and
Sapphira, don't you?"
"Oh, yes, mama I know. They were struck dead for
lying. I saw them carried into the corner drug store."
GENTLEMAN and his wife who are both near-sighted
went to Atlantic City not long since. When they came
down to breakfast the wife picked up the menu card, but
after a moment's effort pushed it over to her husband, ex-
claiming as she did so:
"You will havfe to choose for both of us, John, I have
left my glasses upstairs."
He took the card and began to fumble in his pockets
"vainly, it proved, for he had forgotten his also. Turning
to the impassive and irreproachable darky behind his chair,
"Will you please read it for us, waiter? We have both
forgotten our glasses."
The waiter bowed and replied with a grin:
'Deed, Ah'd lak to 'blige yo', suh, but Ah ain't got no
educashun neither I
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