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1 nnHA Widi f/ie Long Bow eupport a lot of dirty, lazy loafers. All Gully breathed hard when this issufr came to hand and a lot of them thanked heaven that they had never paid anything on their subscriptions. You may always say exactly what you think of an editor .and sometimes even more. But it is very rare that an editor is enabled to say exactly what he thinks of his constituency. The Sunbeam editor seized this opportunity in a masterly manner, but he will not return to Gully. The Sunbeam ahould be secured at once by the Sunshine society. DAVImanuscript A gentleman at Rugby, N. D., is charged with embezzling and the local paper handling the story cautiously says: "Mr. Black has been quite a prominent personage in 1 Rugby for some time and many express surprise at his ar- 'rest, while others do not." No libel there! A professor who is elevating the thought of the University iof California states it as his opinion that cows have souls. 'Perhaps. In any event we know that they have horns. Mrs. Gail, a colored woman, who says that she predicted the assassination of President McKinley and the Baltimore fire, tho she never mentioned either event to us, now asserts -that Chicago will shortly be shaken up by an earthquake. If this happens, the cellars are likely to slump thru, for the tcrust of earth between Chicago and the original chaos seems 'to be^thin. When a few congressmen tried to get Tom Reed to go on a shooting expedition down the Potomac after curlew he said: I never shot but one bird in my whole life. I spent a whole day doing that. It was a little peep, or sandpiper. I chased him for hours up and down a mill stream. When at last I potted him and held him up by one of his poor little legs, I never felt more ashamed of myself in all my life. I hid him in my coat tail pocket for fear somebody would see how big I was ancf small the victim, and I never will be guilty again of the cowardice of such an unequal battle." This story is told of Reed by the Hon. John S. Wise in the Saturday Evening Post and it does equal credit to the big speaker's head and heart. You murder the bird's child but if the bird murdered your child you would feel very much hurt about it. Rev. Wm. A. Quayle, D.D., of Chicago, was asked to go up to the little German college town of Albion, Mich., and lecture on the idolized German poet Goethe. The Germanicists who secured Dr. Quayle's services didn't know what they were doing. "Liar," "thief," and "devil" were a few of the choice epithets applied to "Gerty" by the Methodist divine, while the masterpiece of the poet, "Faust," was literally torn to shreds. 'Goethe could depict a devil because he was himself a devil," cried the lecturer. "Ach, Gott im himmel," muttered Professor Johannes Zedler of the college. "Goethe, like the devil, was an elegant gentleman, very attentive to the ladies, self poised, carried a cane, had no moral code, was never ashamed, and made a business of vivisecting woman's heart." "Donner und blitzen," whispered Professor Frederick Lutz, who sat in the audience of students who had been taught that Goethe was almost worthy of worship. "Goethe is the god of the cultured, but he had no heart. Goethe was icily intellectual, a man without a conscience, a man who never laughed, who never smiledonly leered like Mephistopheles, the devil, which was this devil's portrait.'' "Donnerwetter," snorted Professor Zedler, reaching for his hat and leaving the house. The lecture of Dr. Quayle stirred the college settlement almost to a frenzy,-and'some of the boys were mad enough to burn the Methodist church that night." $ And while we are speaking of Methodist pastors, the ev. W. J. Moore of Norman, Oklahoma, should not be for- gotten. One night a windstorm came along, located his church edifice, picked it up and threw it down as is the cus- tom of windstorms in Oklahoma. The insurance company paid the full amount of its policy without question. Rev. Mr. Moore took personal charge of the work of repairing and 'rebuilding the church, and when the work was finished he had nearly $300 left. When he took this back to the agent of the insurance company and laid it carefully on his desk as if that were the proper and recognized procedure in such cases, the hardened insurance man promptly fainted. A few more such instances as that and the church in Norman is likely to flourish exceedingly. A. J. R. (Tuesday Evening, ~"Byo nature's walks, Mhoot *otty aa tit**.' iffhe Editor of the Gully Sunbeam Hands Out a Hot One to & His Constituency on the Eve of His Departure for Wider $ Fields of Usefulness. f rH HPHE editor of the Gully Sunbeam wisely left town just fc 1 before the last issue of that paper went to press and ""quit forever. The wily editor had said in his farewell that I ithe people expected the Sunbeam to support the townand "that it wasn't the mission of any respectable sunbeam to A QUIBBLE. is a quibble, a mere quibble,' said Walter Camp, 1 Yale's athletic adviser, in a discussion of football rules. He laughed ironically. "That reminds me," he said, "of the children of a friend of mine whom I visited in the summer. "These children, two boys, got on none too well/ 'Here,' said their mother to the older of them one day 'here is a banana. Divide it with your little brother, and see that he gets the lion's share.' i "The younger child, a few minutes later, set up a great bawling. 'Mamma,' he shrieked, *John hasn't given me any banana.' 'What's this?' said the mother, hurrying in. !g* 'It 's all right,' explained the older boy. 'Lions don't "eat bananas.' MIXED WITH CONCRETE. N. CARVALHO, the handwriting expert, said of a error to a reporter: "Such an error is ludicrous. A man of intelligence could never have made it. It reminds me of an error that occur red at a church meeting in my native town. "They were discussing at this meeting the best time for the consecration of a new plot that had been added to the church cemetery. There was a long argument. Some wanted the addi- tion consecrated at once. Others thought it would be best to wait till the next year. Finally an old man and saidt firmly: ^'Jrose 'I shall vote for immediate consecration. 'I have had my backyard done with it, and it wears grand.' iiS ff1|fr%ir BE- 4 DR.was ?*$.% THE JOURNAL'S HOME EXERCISE SYSTEM. Exercise No. III. (For Reducing the Flesh.) This exercise must be taken two or three times a day (unless you can get the maid to take it for you). Concen trate the mind on the good money you put into the coal and you'll lose flesh fast enough. What the Market Affords EF suet, 5 cents a pound. Molasses, 40 to 75 cents a gallon. Seeded currants, 12 cents a pound. Seeded raisins, 10 to 14 cents a pound. Citron, 20 to 25 cents a pound. Candied orange peel, 20 cents a pound. Figs, 10 to 20 cents a pound. Nutmegs, 10 cents a dozen. MRSi.n The Christmas plum pudding may be made any day now. English housewives always make the Christmas dainty in November, as they think it improves with age, and only warm it up on Christmas day. The English rule of making plum pudding produces a wholesome as well as a delicious delicacy, that is, if plum pudding can ever be said to be wholesome. The puddings cannot be steamed too much. Two or three hours is a good allowance for a small pudding, and a large one should cook twice as long. Fill the mold only about three-quarters full, as they swell in cooking. Nuts and figs and orange peel may be added to the following recipe, if you wish to add to the richness of the pudding, altho it will satisfy every palate if the rule is followed. Fruit juice may be used in place of brandy. For a plum pudding, take half a pound of finely chopped suet, half a pound of washed and dried raisins, three-quar ters of a pound of washed and dried currants, four table spoons of dried and sifted bread crumbs, three tablespoons of sifted flour, five ounces of brown sugar, three well-beaten eggs, three ounces of shredded citron, one-half nutmeg grated, one tablespoon of brandy and enough cream to mix. Steam at least six or eight hours. A so-called plain plum pudding is made of four ounces of suet, four ounces of currants and raisins mixed, two table spoons of brown sugar, two tablespoons of molasses, one egg, half a teaspoon of soda dissolved in'half a cup of warm milk, and enough flour to make into a good, stiff batter. Steam two hours.^ OURSELVES AND OTHERS. RUSSELL SAGE is one of the most active workers the movement to abolish the docking of the tails of horses. In a discussion of this movement she said recently: "If the horses already docked were out of the way, we should have no ti-ouble in putting a stop to docking forever. But many persons, advocates of our movement in the past, no sooner buy a pair of showy carriage horses with docked tails than they desert us and go over to the enemy." She smiled sadly. "It is the old story," she said. "White owned a dog. Black, who lived next door, came to him and said: 'Look here. That dog of yours howls so much at night that my wife and I are going mad for want of sleep.' 'Is that so?' said White. I hadn't noticed his howl ing. I think you must be mistaken.' A week passed, and Black came home one day with the objectionable dog on a string. I have bought this cur,' he told his wife. I have bought it from White, and I am going to chloroform it.' "Another week, and White, the dog's former owner, said tb Black: 'You haven't chloroformed that dog yet, have you?' 'Why, no not yet,' Black answered. 'The fact is, we have grown rather fond of the critter, he is so playful and affectionate.' 'But doesn't his barking annoy you?' White asked. 'No I haven't noticed it,' said Black. 'Well,' White grumbled, I can't sleep for the brute's continual yowling.' TURKEY. HE birthplace of the turkey is unknown to man," 1 said an ornithologist. "It was thought to be Tur- keythe name shows you thatbut there are no turkeys in Turkey. "The French thought this noble and tender bird come from India. Hence they called itthey still call itdinde, meaning an 'Indian fowl.' But among Indian fowls the tur- key is not numbered. When you speak of turkeys you should tell the story of the French epicure who said: 'Ah, "what a turkey dinner! We picked clean a fine birda twenty-four pounder.' A twenty-four pounder? How many of you were at table?' 'Just two, the turkey and I.' THOUGHT E MEANT IMMIGRANTS. FAIRFAX IRWIN, the government's cholera expert, conversing with an old family servant, an aged colored man. "Calhoun," said Dr. Irwin, "it would be a bad thing for aU of us if the cholera should come to this country." "Hit would dat, sah, fo' a fack,'1' "Dey's pow'ful shif'less people, hain't dey, sah? A THE MINNEAPOLIS JOtflHSrAK -Sf^ |'RANt$ Calhoun answeVed.* /*Hbw? *JB K3&, f^" MHHi Bill Deaton Suicide Cure ILL" DEATON drove the first big bunch of steers up the trail from Texas to the Montana ranges years 'ago and never went back. His home is now at Lewistown, Mont., where thru his life as cattleman and sheriff of Fergus county he is known to every man-jack within a radius of three days' hard riding. Inasmuch as Bill was one of the first ones there, he established the joyous custom of "handing a package" to nearly every new comer. Having been thus initiated, the latest arrival looks for a chance to join in and help make it pleasant for the next victim. After the new parson had been inveigled into a hypothetical badger fight, after a green Ger- man had made startling revelations to a kangaroo court, which he thought was real, and a new bartender had lined his entire aesophagus with vaseline in a vain attempt to swallow a devise which had been recommended to him as a "tape-worm trap," things were dull for a while in Lewis town. Finally there blew in a stranger who was in the final, remorseful stages of a protracted spree. He confided to the bartender that he was headed straight for the grave and asked to borrow a revolver to help the thing along. Deaton happened to be in the place and the drinkmixer asked his advice. "You sure want to die?" asked the jocular sheriff with great mock seriousness. "Yes," said the jag, "I'm all in never will brace up. I'm thru. Lemme yer gun "No, I won't do that," said Bill, developing his plot. "Of course you're your own boss and you've got a right to decide whether you'll live or die. But don't you think you take chances on a hot hereafter by shooting yourself?" "Well, what's a man to do when he can't stand it here any longef was the appeal of the suicidal inclined stranger. Deaton dropped his voice. "I'll fix it so you can cross the divide with a clean conscience," he said impressively. "I've shot many a man and I'm in for it anyhow when I die. Now, I'm sorry for you and I'll help you out." 'GEE! THIS SEEMS GOOD!" ''Why, I'll go get my gun and you let me kill you." To the stranger's maudlin sensibilities this friendly sug- gestion seemed feasible and it appeared especially desirable since IT somehow struck him as a challenge to his nerve. So he consented. Deaton's gun is a silver-mounted forty-five, with a pearl handle, presented to him when he was elected sheriff. From the front end it looks like a railroad tunnel and clicks as a Russian war dispatch coming off a telegraph key. Bill found his man nervously waiting for him when he returned with this formidable weapon. A small crowd had gathered. ,/tan up there an* don't ye move," ordered the philanthropist indicating a clear space of wall. The victim obeyed, while Bill cocked his revolver and gave a spin to a cylinder that was as big as a keg. All was ready and Deaton stood prepared to "pull down" and make it a finish. "Gee! This seems good," he remarked, winking at the crowd. I haven't had a chance to kill a man since I left Texas. Seems like old times. Ready, stranger?" But the pilgrim had been sobered by the elaborate prepa rations for his taking off. Somehow the grave didn't seem half so desirable when he found another man apparently so anxious to send him there. "Not by a dd sight I'm no sheep!" he yelled, as the deadly muzzle was descending into line with his fore- head. Then the gang broke loose and the stranger admitted the drinks were on him. He bought and the gang bought and then they took him in hand and sobered him up. By the time the next pilgrim happened along the stranger with the sui- cidal mania was the first assistant in his initiation. LONG RANGE TAILORING. EORGE F. BAER, president of the Philadelphia & Read ing Railway company, said, in the course of an address to conductors and brakemen: "Ha rd work and enterprise, now as in the past, bring success. They are deceived who say poor men have no more opportunities. Don't believe their'tales. Such tales are no truer of railroading than is the old tale of the railway tailor. A man, according to this tale, was standing before a station one autumn afternoon, when a'bell clanged, and all the station employees came running out, and arranged them selves in a neat line on the platform. ''There was the ticket agent, the telegraph operator, the baggagemaster. and so on. They stood side by side, their shoulders Squared, their heads thrown back, like soldiers on parad^ ''And^now aA locomotive, drawing only one car, dashed past. p? &*J t- "It wasan observation car, and on the observation plat- form sat a small, quick, nervous man. He had a table before him, with pens and paper on it, and as the train shot by the station, he regarded the men sharply, and made hurried notes. %gt a t^Tio was he?' said the stranger to the telegraph operator, after the train was gone. 'Some prominent offi- cial of'the linef' jyg I,S 'Oh, no,' the maTranswered. 'That was the company's tailor, measuring us for our winter suits/ Defective Page Member 5, 1905. Baker's Rebate Papers Approved. ff\ An ex-United States Senator (one of many) writes to MoChire's Magazine about Ray Stan nard Baker's Railroad arti cles: "Satan's kingdom seems to be tumbling down. Now is a good time for you to give it *a push. Your opening is splendid." December MoOlure's Magazine contains an instal ment more vital and farther reaching. You cannot afford to miss it. All news stands, 10c, $1 a year. Over 414,000 families axe reading McClure's Magazine A THE CLUB. Hobson most be dreadfully hard up just now. Why? Because he has been at me three times this week asking me to return paltry five pounds he lent me six months ago.The Tatler. 44-60 East 23d Street, NEW YOEK. The most powerful money king in aJl this world, working for himself, has not the power of a handful of weak, ignorant and despairing men, when they begin to work for each other. What man has built tip 47,000 stores, with a capital of $ 140,000,000.00, without in jury to his fellow-men This is the poorest half of the news in Russell's "Soldiers of the Common1 Good," in Everybody's for Christmas. Everybody's Magazine 15 cents |i.5oa year Special rapxesntittiTes wanted for EvefTfcodjr'a Maxaxlne towas where there ate BO otawn. SCHOOLS AND COLLEGES BUSINESS COLLEGE Maken a specialty of giving young people a Practical Education and assists them to the best positions to be had. Rates reasonable. Satisfaction guaranteed Catalogue free. Geo. H. Zinnel, Prop. 128 S 6th u%. Minneapolis, Minn. CATON COLLEGE 612 Hennepin Ave., During this month, ad mits Btudents to Busi ness, Stenographic, Tel egraphic courses, tuition payable after position is secured. Day and even ing school Wm run rink of SuccmwB. PRACTICAL SHORTHAND and kindred branches sncceMfnUy taught. All graduates placed In pay tug positions. Both phone* 97k The Munsort Shorthand Institute, RJ Smith, Preddwkt. IBM Guaranty Bldg.^MauuapoUa. 7JL2 :tjut* st Bookkeeping StfORTMAHO TtPCWtUTtM %& ENGLISH rSffl& /twitMpohs. Cwt? 329 Hennepla Avenue. Minneapolis. corraiSHT, ^t** TH REOtNA eo. RAHWAV, N. t. Service 1 th* HEADQUARTERS MEN'S GLOVES At the Gamossi you will find every possible style of Gloves and Mittens, Gauntlets, Mittens, split mittens. One-fingered Mit tens, etc. Fur Back and Fur lined Goods, Special Offering- Men's and Boys' hand-sewed Muskrat Gloves and fll Oft Mittens .P1.0 GAMOSSI,Nic" Av. TteDMCE $ 'i^s FAVORITE The Regina Music Box has a clear, brilliant bell-like tone that comes out strongly in a large room. And It accents a dance tone like an Italian harpand every one who dances knows what that means. You don't have to beg some one to play for you, and you don't have to play while others dance. One windtouch a buttonthere's TOUT music The Regina makers keep right up to date with the latest musicyou may have the newest and best at sheet music prices. Our Easy Payment Plan makes it a matter of only $1.00 down to secure a Begins. The re* mainder you par for at so much a monthsur- prise you to know how lit- tle. See us and well be glad to tell you. Do to-day not to- morrow. A. C. Edwards, W. G. Judd. linnegQta Begiia Hnsic Go. WATCHES Gentlemen's 12 size hunting case, regular price $11.00. $7,75sXmarfolSpecia One dollar less in open face. 14kt Solid Gold Rings, hand somely set with a diamond, wan at from $8.60 up. SCHAEFFER 243 Nicollet Ave. Watches cleaned 75c Main springs 76c. Warranted one year.