The Minneapolis journal. [volume], December 05, 1905, Page 20, Image 20

About The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939

Image provided by: Minnesota Historical Society; Saint Paul, MN

                
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Widi f/ie Long Bow
eupport a lot of dirty, lazy loafers.
All Gully breathed hard when this issufr came to hand
and a lot of them thanked heaven that they had never paid
anything on their subscriptions.
You may always say exactly what you think of an editor
.and sometimes even more. But it is very rare that an editor
is enabled to say exactly what he thinks of his constituency.
The Sunbeam editor seized this opportunity in a masterly
manner, but he will not return to Gully. The Sunbeam
ahould be secured at once by the Sunshine society.
DAVImanuscript
A gentleman at Rugby, N. D., is charged with embezzling
and the local paper handling the story cautiously says:
"Mr. Black has been quite a prominent personage in
1 Rugby for some time and many express surprise at his ar-
'rest, while others do not."
No libel there!
A professor who is elevating the thought of the University
iof California states it as his opinion that cows have souls.
'Perhaps. In any event we know that they have horns.
Mrs. Gail, a colored woman, who says that she predicted
the assassination of President McKinley and the Baltimore
fire, tho she never mentioned either event to us, now asserts
-that Chicago will shortly be shaken up by an earthquake. If
this happens, the cellars are likely to slump thru, for the
tcrust of earth between Chicago and the original chaos seems
'to be^thin. When a few congressmen tried to get Tom Reed to go on
a shooting expedition down the Potomac after curlew he
said:
I never shot but one bird in my whole life. I spent a
whole day doing that. It was a little peep, or sandpiper. I
chased him for hours up and down a mill stream. When at
last I potted him and held him up by one of his poor little
legs, I never felt more ashamed of myself in all my life. I
hid him in my coat tail pocket for fear somebody would see
how big I was ancf small the victim, and I never will be
guilty again of the cowardice of such an unequal battle."
This story is told of Reed by the Hon. John S. Wise in the
Saturday Evening Post and it does equal credit to the big
speaker's head and heart. You murder the bird's child but
if the bird murdered your child you would feel very much
hurt about it.
Rev. Wm. A. Quayle, D.D., of Chicago, was asked to go up
to the little German college town of Albion, Mich., and lecture
on the idolized German poet Goethe. The Germanicists who
secured Dr. Quayle's services didn't know what they were
doing. "Liar," "thief," and "devil" were a few of the
choice epithets applied to "Gerty" by the Methodist divine,
while the masterpiece of the poet, "Faust," was literally
torn to shreds.
'Goethe could depict a devil because he was himself a
devil," cried the lecturer.
"Ach, Gott im himmel," muttered Professor Johannes
Zedler of the college.
"Goethe, like the devil, was an elegant gentleman, very
attentive to the ladies, self poised, carried a cane, had no
moral code, was never ashamed, and made a business of
vivisecting woman's heart."
"Donner und blitzen," whispered Professor Frederick
Lutz, who sat in the audience of students who had been
taught that Goethe was almost worthy of worship.
"Goethe is the god of the cultured, but he had no heart.
Goethe was icily intellectual, a man without a conscience, a
man who never laughed, who never smiledonly leered like
Mephistopheles, the devil, which was this devil's portrait.''
"Donnerwetter," snorted Professor Zedler, reaching for
his hat and leaving the house.
The lecture of Dr. Quayle stirred the college settlement
almost to a frenzy,-and'some of the boys were mad enough to
burn the Methodist church that night."
$ And while we are speaking of Methodist pastors, the
ev. W. J. Moore of Norman, Oklahoma, should not be for-
gotten. One night a windstorm came along, located his
church edifice, picked it up and threw it down as is the cus-
tom of windstorms in Oklahoma. The insurance company
paid the full amount of its policy without question. Rev. Mr.
Moore took personal charge of the work of repairing and
'rebuilding the church, and when the work was finished he
had nearly $300 left. When he took this back to the agent
of the insurance company and laid it carefully on his desk
as if that were the proper and recognized procedure in such
cases, the hardened insurance man promptly fainted. A few
more such instances as that and the church in Norman is
likely to flourish exceedingly. A. J. R.
(Tuesday Evening,
~"Byo nature's walks, Mhoot *otty aa tit**.'
iffhe Editor of the Gully Sunbeam Hands Out a Hot One to
& His Constituency on the Eve of His Departure for Wider
$ Fields of Usefulness.
f rH HPHE editor of the Gully Sunbeam wisely left town just
fc 1 before the last issue of that paper went to press and
""quit forever. The wily editor had said in his farewell that
I ithe people expected the Sunbeam to support the townand
"that it wasn't the mission of any respectable sunbeam to
A QUIBBLE.
is a quibble, a mere quibble,' said Walter Camp,
1 Yale's athletic adviser, in a discussion of football
rules.
He laughed ironically.
"That reminds me," he said, "of the children of a
friend of mine whom I visited in the summer.
"These children, two boys, got on none too well/
'Here,' said their mother to the older of them one day
'here is a banana. Divide it with your little brother, and see
that he gets the lion's share.'
i "The younger child, a few minutes later, set up a great
bawling.
'Mamma,' he shrieked, *John hasn't given me any
banana.'
'What's this?' said the mother, hurrying in.
!g* 'It 's all right,' explained the older boy. 'Lions don't
"eat bananas.'
MIXED WITH CONCRETE.
N. CARVALHO, the handwriting expert, said of
a error to a reporter:
"Such an error is ludicrous. A man of intelligence could
never have made it. It reminds me of an error that occur
red at a church meeting in my native town.
"They were discussing at this meeting the best time for
the consecration of a new plot that had been added to the
church cemetery.
There was a long argument. Some wanted the addi-
tion consecrated at once. Others thought it would be best to
wait till the next year. Finally an old man and saidt
firmly:
^'Jrose
'I shall vote for immediate consecration. 'I have had
my backyard done with it, and it wears grand.' iiS
ff1|fr%ir
BE-
4
DR.was
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THE JOURNAL'S HOME EXERCISE SYSTEM.
Exercise No. III.
(For Reducing the Flesh.)
This exercise must be taken two or three times a day
(unless you can get the maid to take it for you). Concen
trate the mind on the good money you put into the coal and
you'll lose flesh fast enough.
What the Market Affords
EF suet, 5 cents a pound.
Molasses, 40 to 75 cents a gallon.
Seeded currants, 12 cents a pound.
Seeded raisins, 10 to 14 cents a pound.
Citron, 20 to 25 cents a pound.
Candied orange peel, 20 cents a pound.
Figs, 10 to 20 cents a pound.
Nutmegs, 10 cents a dozen.
MRSi.n
The Christmas plum pudding may be made any day now.
English housewives always make the Christmas dainty in
November, as they think it improves with age, and only
warm it up on Christmas day. The English rule of making
plum pudding produces a wholesome as well as a delicious
delicacy, that is, if plum pudding can ever be said to be
wholesome. The puddings cannot be steamed too much. Two
or three hours is a good allowance for a small pudding, and
a large one should cook twice as long. Fill the mold only
about three-quarters full, as they swell in cooking. Nuts and
figs and orange peel may be added to the following recipe, if
you wish to add to the richness of the pudding, altho it will
satisfy every palate if the rule is followed. Fruit juice may
be used in place of brandy.
For a plum pudding, take half a pound of finely chopped
suet, half a pound of washed and dried raisins, three-quar
ters of a pound of washed and dried currants, four table
spoons of dried and sifted bread crumbs, three tablespoons
of sifted flour, five ounces of brown sugar, three well-beaten
eggs, three ounces of shredded citron, one-half nutmeg
grated, one tablespoon of brandy and enough cream to mix.
Steam at least six or eight hours.
A so-called plain plum pudding is made of four ounces of
suet, four ounces of currants and raisins mixed, two table
spoons of brown sugar, two tablespoons of molasses, one egg,
half a teaspoon of soda dissolved in'half a cup of warm milk,
and enough flour to make into a good, stiff batter. Steam
two hours.^
OURSELVES AND OTHERS.
RUSSELL SAGE is one of the most active workers
the movement to abolish the docking of the tails of
horses.
In a discussion of this movement she said recently:
"If the horses already docked were out of the way, we
should have no ti-ouble in putting a stop to docking forever.
But many persons, advocates of our movement in the past,
no sooner buy a pair of showy carriage horses with docked
tails than they desert us and go over to the enemy."
She smiled sadly.
"It is the old story," she said. "White owned a dog.
Black, who lived next door, came to him and said:
'Look here. That dog of yours howls so much at night
that my wife and I are going mad for want of sleep.'
'Is that so?' said White. I hadn't noticed his howl
ing. I think you must be mistaken.'
A week passed, and Black came home one day with the
objectionable dog on a string.
I have bought this cur,' he told his wife. I have
bought it from White, and I am going to chloroform it.'
"Another week, and White, the dog's former owner, said
tb Black:
'You haven't chloroformed that dog yet, have you?'
'Why, no not yet,' Black answered. 'The fact is, we
have grown rather fond of the critter, he is so playful and
affectionate.'
'But doesn't his barking annoy you?' White asked.
'No I haven't noticed it,' said Black.
'Well,' White grumbled, I can't sleep for the brute's
continual yowling.'
TURKEY.
HE birthplace of the turkey is unknown to man,"
1 said an ornithologist. "It was thought to be Tur-
keythe name shows you thatbut there are no turkeys in
Turkey.
"The French thought this noble and tender bird come
from India. Hence they called itthey still call itdinde,
meaning an 'Indian fowl.' But among Indian fowls the tur-
key is not numbered. When you speak of turkeys you should
tell the story of the French epicure who said:
'Ah, "what a turkey dinner! We picked clean a fine
birda twenty-four pounder.'
A twenty-four pounder? How many of you were at
table?'
'Just two, the turkey and I.'
THOUGHT E MEANT IMMIGRANTS.
FAIRFAX IRWIN, the government's cholera expert,
conversing with an old family servant, an aged
colored man.
"Calhoun," said Dr. Irwin, "it would be a bad thing for
aU of us if the cholera should come to this country."
"Hit would dat, sah, fo' a fack,'1'
"Dey's pow'ful shif'less people, hain't dey, sah?
A
THE MINNEAPOLIS JOtflHSrAK
-Sf^
|'RANt$
Calhoun answeVed.*
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Bill Deaton Suicide Cure
ILL" DEATON drove the first big
bunch of steers up the trail from
Texas to the Montana ranges years
'ago and never went back. His home
is now at Lewistown, Mont., where
thru his life as cattleman and sheriff
of Fergus county he is known to
every man-jack within a radius of three
days' hard riding. Inasmuch as Bill was
one of the first ones there, he established
the joyous custom of "handing a package"
to nearly every new comer. Having been thus
initiated, the latest arrival looks for a chance
to join in and help make it pleasant for the
next victim. After the new parson had been
inveigled into a hypothetical badger fight, after a green Ger-
man had made startling revelations to a kangaroo court,
which he thought was real, and a new bartender had lined
his entire aesophagus with vaseline in a vain attempt to
swallow a devise which had been recommended to him as a
"tape-worm trap," things were dull for a while in Lewis
town. Finally there blew in a stranger who was in the final,
remorseful stages of a protracted spree. He confided to the
bartender that he was headed straight for the grave and
asked to borrow a revolver to help the thing along. Deaton
happened to be in the place and the drinkmixer asked his
advice.
"You sure want to die?" asked the jocular sheriff with
great mock seriousness.
"Yes," said the jag, "I'm all in never will brace up.
I'm thru. Lemme yer gun
"No, I won't do that," said Bill, developing his plot.
"Of course you're your own boss and you've got a right to
decide whether you'll live or die. But don't you think you
take chances on a hot hereafter by shooting yourself?"
"Well, what's a man to do when he can't stand it here
any longef was the appeal of the suicidal inclined stranger.
Deaton dropped his voice. "I'll fix it so you can cross the
divide with a clean conscience," he said impressively. "I've
shot many a man and I'm in for it anyhow when I die. Now,
I'm sorry for you and I'll help you out."
'GEE! THIS SEEMS GOOD!"
''Why, I'll go get my gun and you let me kill you."
To the stranger's maudlin sensibilities this friendly sug-
gestion seemed feasible and it appeared especially desirable
since IT somehow struck him as a challenge to his nerve. So
he consented.
Deaton's gun is a silver-mounted forty-five, with a pearl
handle, presented to him when he was elected sheriff. From
the front end it looks like a railroad tunnel and clicks as a
Russian war dispatch coming off a telegraph key.
Bill found his man nervously waiting for him when he
returned with this formidable weapon. A small crowd had
gathered.
,/tan up there an* don't ye move," ordered the
philanthropist indicating a clear space of wall.
The victim obeyed, while Bill cocked his revolver and
gave a spin to a cylinder that was as big as a keg. All was
ready and Deaton stood prepared to "pull down" and make
it a finish.
"Gee! This seems good," he remarked, winking at the
crowd. I haven't had a chance to kill a man since I left
Texas. Seems like old times. Ready, stranger?"
But the pilgrim had been sobered by the elaborate prepa
rations for his taking off. Somehow the grave didn't seem
half so desirable when he found another man apparently so
anxious to send him there.
"Not by a dd sight I'm no sheep!" he yelled, as
the deadly muzzle was descending into line with his fore-
head.
Then the gang broke loose and the stranger admitted the
drinks were on him. He bought and the gang bought and
then they took him in hand and sobered him up. By the time
the next pilgrim happened along the stranger with the sui-
cidal mania was the first assistant in his initiation.
LONG RANGE TAILORING.
EORGE F. BAER, president of the Philadelphia & Read
ing Railway company, said, in the course of an address
to conductors and brakemen:
"Ha rd work and enterprise, now as in the past, bring
success. They are deceived who say poor men have no more
opportunities. Don't believe their'tales. Such tales are no
truer of railroading than is the old tale of the railway tailor.
A man, according to this tale, was standing before a
station one autumn afternoon, when a'bell clanged, and all
the station employees came running out, and arranged them
selves in a neat line on the platform.
''There was the ticket agent, the telegraph operator, the
baggagemaster. and so on. They stood side by side, their
shoulders Squared, their heads thrown back, like soldiers on
parad^
''And^now aA locomotive, drawing only one car, dashed
past.
p?
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t-
"It wasan observation car, and on the observation plat-
form sat a small, quick, nervous man. He had a table before
him, with pens and paper on it, and as the train shot by the
station, he regarded the men sharply, and made hurried notes.
%gt a t^Tio was he?' said the stranger to the telegraph
operator, after the train was gone. 'Some prominent offi-
cial of'the linef' jyg I,S
'Oh, no,' the maTranswered. 'That was the company's
tailor, measuring us for our winter suits/
Defective Page
Member 5, 1905.
Baker's Rebate Papers
Approved.
ff\ An ex-United States
Senator (one of many)
writes to MoChire's
Magazine about Ray Stan
nard Baker's Railroad arti
cles:
"Satan's kingdom seems to be
tumbling down. Now is a good
time for you to give it *a push.
Your opening is splendid."
December MoOlure's
Magazine contains an instal
ment more vital and farther
reaching. You cannot afford
to miss it.
All news stands, 10c, $1 a year.
Over 414,000 families axe reading
McClure's Magazine
A THE CLUB.
Hobson most be dreadfully hard up just now.
Why?
Because he has been at me three times this week asking me to return
paltry five pounds he lent me six months ago.The Tatler.
44-60 East 23d Street, NEW YOEK.
The most powerful money
king in aJl this world, working
for himself, has not the power
of a handful of weak, ignorant
and despairing men, when
they begin to work for each
other.
What man has built tip
47,000 stores, with a capital
of $ 140,000,000.00, without in
jury to his fellow-men
This is the poorest half of
the news in Russell's "Soldiers
of the Common1
Good," in
Everybody's for Christmas.
Everybody's Magazine 15 cents
|i.5oa year
Special rapxesntittiTes wanted for EvefTfcodjr'a
Maxaxlne towas where there ate BO otawn.
SCHOOLS AND COLLEGES
BUSINESS
COLLEGE
Maken a specialty of giving young people a
Practical Education and assists them to the
best positions to be had. Rates reasonable.
Satisfaction guaranteed Catalogue free.
Geo. H. Zinnel, Prop. 128 S 6th u%.
Minneapolis, Minn.
CATON COLLEGE
612 Hennepin Ave.,
During this month, ad
mits Btudents to Busi
ness, Stenographic, Tel
egraphic courses, tuition
payable after position is
secured. Day and even
ing school
Wm run rink of
SuccmwB.
PRACTICAL SHORTHAND
and kindred branches sncceMfnUy
taught. All graduates placed In pay
tug positions. Both phone* 97k
The Munsort Shorthand
Institute, RJ Smith, Preddwkt.
IBM Guaranty Bldg.^MauuapoUa.
7JL2
:tjut* st
Bookkeeping
StfORTMAHO
TtPCWtUTtM
%& ENGLISH
rSffl&
/twitMpohs.
Cwt?
329 Hennepla
Avenue.
Minneapolis.
corraiSHT, ^t**
TH REOtNA eo.
RAHWAV, N. t.
Service
1
th*
HEADQUARTERS
MEN'S GLOVES
At the Gamossi you will find
every possible style of Gloves
and Mittens, Gauntlets, Mittens,
split mittens. One-fingered Mit
tens, etc.
Fur Back and Fur lined Goods,
Special Offering-
Men's and Boys' hand-sewed
Muskrat Gloves and fll Oft
Mittens .P1.0
GAMOSSI,Nic" Av.
TteDMCE
$
'i^s
FAVORITE
The Regina Music Box has a
clear, brilliant bell-like tone that
comes out strongly in a large room.
And It accents a dance tone like an
Italian harpand every one who
dances knows what that means.
You don't have to beg some one to
play for you, and you don't have
to play while others dance. One
windtouch a buttonthere's TOUT
music The Regina makers keep
right up to date with the latest
musicyou may have the newest
and best at sheet music prices.
Our Easy Payment Plan
makes it a matter of only $1.00
down to secure a Begins. The re*
mainder you par
for at so much
a monthsur-
prise you to
know how lit-
tle. See us and
well be glad to
tell you. Do
to-day not to-
morrow. A. C. Edwards,
W. G. Judd.
linnegQta
Begiia Hnsic Go.
WATCHES
Gentlemen's 12 size hunting
case, regular price $11.00.
$7,75sXmarfolSpecia
One dollar less in open face.
14kt Solid Gold Rings, hand
somely set with a diamond, wan
at from $8.60 up.
SCHAEFFER
243 Nicollet
Ave.
Watches cleaned 75c Main springs
76c. Warranted one year.