The Minneapolis journal. [volume], February 17, 1906, Page 14, Image 14

About The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939

Image provided by: Minnesota Historical Society; Saint Paul, MN

                
14
%**With
0
Pantalettes and Pinafores.
O
THE
N THE evening of Feb. 22 next, Monticello is to have a
"time." And there will be things doing calculated to
give pause to those of quiet tastes. *Deestnck Skule is to
take up in Hitter's opera house and for a mere 35c you aie
able to secure $2 worth of fun seeing the men of Monti
cello as they were when barefooted boys, in short trousers.
Smart Aleck Orson Chamberlan alone will be worth the price
of admission. The ladies will appear as they did when they
wore ringlets and were mammas' little dears in pink pina
fores, from forty to sixty years ago.
At recess time Clarence Simpkms, Ezekeil Jedediah Hon
eysuckle Stout, John Boulian Evans, Frederick Gee, alias
httle Grover Cle\ eland, and Shorty Wandall will give an ex-
hibition of a little stunt they used to give when they went to
school together down in Varmont.
Rehearsals have already been held and the girls in their
little pink dresses and hair braided in two little pigtails were
so beautiful that it was almost impossible for the rehearsal
to continue. All Montioello is to be there and the Library
Ladies are as sure of their $150 for new books as if they
already had their gloves on it.
A rollicking, careless-like son of a gun
Went out to the rink in a foray for fun
With a giddy one weighing an eighth of a ton
Sing turel-li-ural
And tural-li-hunl!
And now wasn't Charlie the rollicking one!I
When viewing the plump one a newsie quite gav
Remarked an "aside" to a friend. It was* "Say,
Dat goil is as light as a small load of hay.''
Sing turel-li-ural
And also h-ay!
Come now, does this life of the rapid pace payt __
Perhaps as vou read you have possibly thunk
That the girl on the skatelets came down with a tunk,
If I wrote it that way, 'twould be handing you "bunk"}
Sing turel-li-ural
And tural-li-hunk!
That girl was as light on her feet as da monk.''
She glided and gleamed like a cheerful balloon
Whenever the orchestra loosened a tune,
And she made the place summer, in fact it was June.
Sing turel-li-ural
And turel-li-oon.
M-mm, mamma, I hope I will skate with her soon.
A writer in the Le Sueur News is opposed to the legisla
ture. He says that the grave responsibilities these solons
hink they assume would would have caused the knees of the
toman senators to knock together under the load. The
writer adds
"The legislature feels called on to regulate ev
erything from the doses of Rocky Mountain tea
which their constituents take, to the action of the
Gulf Stream j)n the weather of Southern California.
If I had my choice between running a legislature or
the batty ward of the 'Nanny' house, I'd hesitate
before choosing."
This is too harsh. The legislature does the best it knows.
The Hardwick News tells of an adventure that made
Postmaster Iverson think he was in Russia. Some letters
had just come in from the branch train and the postmaster
was backstamping them with the date of receipt and doing
some splendid strong-arm work when Mrs. John Scholdt's
epistle suddenly exploded. The* postmaster had his face
and hand burned and the room was filled with smoke. It
was found that the envelope contained a bunch of percus
sion paper caps and the stamp hammer coming in contact
with them had caused the trouble. Hereafter the postmaster
will stand across the room and smite the epistles with a long
handled hammer before he cancels a stamp. Once is enough.
-A. J. R.-
toughness of pineapples is almost entirely eliminated
by slicing the fruit up and down, from stem to blossom
end, instead of thru the core, as is usually done. Thrust a
fork into the blossom end to hold the apple steady, and slice
until you come to the hard, pithy core, which can then be dis-
carded. The trick was taught me by an old pineapple grower
and makes all the difference in the world in the tenderness
of the fruit, which is usually hard and chippy when sliced
with instead of against the grain.
Coffee icing is a good combination with spice cake. Boil
four ounces of best Java coffee with one pint of water down
to half a pint, keeping it covered. Strain thru a fine cloth
and add two tablespoonfuls of browned sugar or sugar color
ing, and either a bowl of cooked white icing, which has be-
come stiff, or a bowl of fondant.
Unlike other broiled meats, pork tenderloin should be
broiled over gas for twenty to twenty-five minutes, and turned
every two minutes. Lay upon a hot dish, sprinkle with salt
and pepper and with lemon juice, and dot with bits of but-
ter. Cover closely and allow it to stand for ten minutes be-
fore serving. Pass with it hot unsweetened apple sauce.
&- A pleasant change from pork and beans is to boil and
strain thru a colander a quart of white beans. Heat in A
saucepan a quarter cupful of butter, a tablespoon of chopped
parsley, and a leaf or two of mint chopped fine. Stir in the
beans and toss the mixture in the pan until hot. Heap on a
platter with slices of broiled bacon around the edge.
THE RIGHT ANSWER.
EORGE HARVEY, the editor, was talking about lit
erary prize competitions.
"These competitions no doubt do good," he said, "but
they excise a great deal of rage and bitterness. If, for in-
stance, there are 500 competitors for a prize, it is likely that
499 of them will be dissatisfied with the award."
Mr. Harvey smiled.
"Lucky is the judge," he said, "who can answer the
'disgruntled competitor as a friend of mine once did.
"My friend was the judge in a sonnet contest. Over
one thousand sonnets were submitted. My friend read them
all, awarded the prize of $25 to a young gentleman of Bos
ton, and in a few days received from another competitor a
letter saying:
'Have you not made a mistake, and given the prize to
the worst instead of to the best sonnet?'
"My friend wrote back:
'No, for if I had, the prize 'would undoubtedly have
fallen to you.'
CHANGE OF BILL NEEDED.
T ARGE house tonight?" asked the entic.
L-* Manager Fiasco groaned.
"It never looked so large before," he said. -"There are
only four people in it."
Saturday Evening,
the Long Bow
"Eye nature's walks, shoot fotty as Hiss,
Those Things Doing in Monticello, Minn., Next Week, Which
Bangs Would Rejoice to SeeDeestrict Skule in Hitter's
Opera House With the Monticello 400 in Knee Pants,
fS
auu ^fesify?
A
CAUGHT IN THE ACT.
Pie on the Millionaire
ON'T talk to me!" wailed the girl artist
wiping a daub of green paint off the side
of her nose with a clean corner of her
apron. "Don't even look at me! I
can't bear it! I'm a failurea rank
miserable
"Tut, tut," interrupted the sympathe
tic friend, carefully testing the strength
^J KS of a tabourette before sitting down on
it. "Why tbisjjudden depression? v*
"It isn't a matter of depression it's a matter of im-
pression," corrected the girl artist, pulling a screen in front
of her last night's supper table. "What do you think of an
impressionist who cannot make an impression?" and she
faced her sympathetic friend with a how-can-you-answer-
that glance, which froze him to the tabourette.
"But I thought you had, you know. Your paintings"
"It isn't my paintings it's my pies," was the aston
ishing rejoinder, "and if I've made an impression it's the
very worst possible one I could make. Listen, and you
shall hear. You remember how well my two subjects were
hung at the exhibition last week? Well, I had worked over
those things for six months and my whole future depended
on them. "Perhaps you heard that a certain millionaire was seen
admiring them. Well, he did more than that. He offered
to buy them and even went so far as to make an appointment
to call and see me
about the prices and
to look at more of
my work. You don't
know what that
means to an artist
who has been living
on tea and hope,
with an occasional
bologna sausage, for
two solid years. The
very thought of
what might result
from that call from
a real live million
aire made me choky
in the throat and
shivery all over. I
had even planned to
pay my three
months' back rent
and had picked out
a nice new stylish
studio on the
strength of it. I got
to feeling so merry
and wealthy o\er it
that I decided to
ha\e a real dinner
with my last spare
change. I went
straight out and
bought a steak and a
bottle of wine and a
beautiful custard pie, one of the wrick creamy kind, you
know, with white fluffy dubs all over the top of it and a
crust like snowflakes. I was madly reckless. Thus does suc
cess turn the youthful head.
'NO, HE WON'T COME BACK."
"When I was ready to receive my millionaire and had
lighted a fire in the grate that doesn't work, and hidden ev-
erything hideable under the bed, I put the pie out on the
windjwsfQ
drew the inside curtains so that you never
couLfofajtv^ seen it without staring impolitely.
'#W
course, I was horribly nervous and kept running to
the dressing table to daub powder on my nose and poking
the fire and peeking out of the window every time the door
bell rang. At last the bell ga\e a funny little conventional
tinkle that might have been either an apathetic capitalist's or
a timid drummer's. I had a premonition that it was my cus-
tomer this time, however. I sneaked to the window and
peered cautiously out. But the visitor, whoever he was, was
standing just a few inches too far inside the doorway to be
seen from my point of vantage. Curiosity got the better of
discretion with me, and, very carefully, so as not to make it
creak, I opened the window and leaned out.
I had scarcely touched the sill when there was a whirl
of something white and yellow thru the air, a splash and then
a crash I shrieked and clapped my hands to my eyes. When
withdrew them all I could see was the receding figure of a
portly gentleman in a frock coat flying madly down the street
with my custard pie reposing on the top of his silk hat and
dripping over his face and shoulders like Niagara Falls in
winter. No, he won't come back. Don't attempt to console
me! I'll never be able to swallow another mouthful of cust
ard pie again as long as I live without choking! Every hope
I've got in the world was squashed with that pie!"
And the tears rolled down her cheeks and fell into the fire
in the grate.New York Pres#
THE MINNEAPOLIS JOURNAL. *T
I pork
S
A String of Good Stories
7 caaaot tall how tha truth may be:
I say tha tale aa 'twap^sald to ma."
THE OATMEAL DODGE.
TT REMINDS me of the oatmeal dodge," said John M.
I Collins, Chicago's chief of police.
He was speaking of an ingenious swindle that had been
worked successfully on a dentist.
"The oatmeal dodge," he continued, "was worked on a
grocer in the suburbs.
A map entered the shop and engaged the grocer in con
versation. While they talked another man came in.
'Do you sell oatmeal?' the newcomer asked.
'Yes, sir,' said the grocer, rubbing his hands. 'The
very best. How much
"But the man interrupted.
'I just wanted to know,' he said. 'Good day.'\ And
he walked out.
"The grocer, looking a little disappointed, resumed his
conversation with the stranger. In a few minutes a second
man appeared.
'Do you sell oatmeal?' he asked.
'Yes,' the grocer answered.
Thank you. Good day.'
"And this man also disappeared.
'Well, what the deuce?' exclaimed the grocer. 'But, as
we were saying, he resumed, and the interrupted conversa
tion went briskly qji.
"Soon a third man entered the shop. He said:
'Do you sell oatmeal?'
'Yes,' the grocer snapped.
'Thank you. Good day.'
"And this, man departedon a run. For "the grocer,
thoroly enraged at last, had seized a club, and rushed upon
him. He had, however, a clean pair of heels. The grocer
was unable* to overtake him. So, after a chase of a hundred
yards or so, he returned breathless.
He found the first man gone. The shop was empty.
So was the till.
"Once more the oatmeal dodge had succeeded."
CHRONIC GRUMBLERS.
WENT to the high school with the late Charles T.
i Yerkes," said a Philadelphian, "and afterwards I saw
a good deal of him while he was in the banking business
here.
"What I liked about Mr. Yerkes was his disposition. He
never complained or growled. He hated to hear growls or
complaints. On this head there is a story about him that few
old Philadelphians still remember.
A tugboat captain, at a banquet one night, said that
tugboat men were the champion growlers of the world. He
said they growled especially about their food, that even at
a banquet they would find something to complain of.
"Mr. Yerkes doubted this. He declared it couldn't be
true. There was an argument, with the upshot that, the next
week, he took a run on the tug, and provided for the crew a
sumptuous^ surprise dinner.
"It was a roast turkey dinner, and when it was set be-
fore the men, Mr. Yerkes and the captain were hidden in a
place where they could see and hear all that went on.
"The men looked very suspiciously at the fine roast turkey
repast. Then one speared a big bird on a fork, and, holding
it up, said:
"'Go slow on this, boyi. If it wuzn't cheaper'n salt
it wouldn't 'a* come our wav.'
,-i-.- -y
THE DIFFERENCE.
J.^ ALLEN, an -editor of Ottawa, Kan., while elec
1 tioneering for congress among the farmers of his
prosperous district, took with him the champion cornhusker
of the state.
"Yoli see," said Mr. Allen to a reporter, "while I argue
and plead, the cornhusker pitches in and husks corn for the
farmer. 'Thus the farmer's time is not wasted. While he,
stands "idle, listening to me, the cornhusker carries on the
work of the farm for him.
"Between listening while the work goes back and listen
ing while the work goes forward there is not much of a dif-
ference, yet it is one which has a renftrkable effect on the
impression I create. In this way it is like a certain com
pliment.
"One man said to another:
'I pleased Mrs. Brown tremendously the other night
by asking her if she was herself or her daughter. Said I
couldn't tell them apart.'
"The other man frowned.
'That's strange,' he muttered. I worked the same
scheme on the daughter, and she didn't like it woith a
cent.'
I N THE DAY'S WORK.
1
SEE that Maxim Gorky is in Berlin, superintending
1 the production of his play, 'The Children of the
Sun'," said a newspaper correspondent. "Later on he will
come to America, and I will be glad to shake his thin, cold
hand again.
I met Gorky in Petersburg. He is delightful., He told
me that a Russian soldier only gets about $2, or 3 rubles, a
yearsay 5 copecks a day.
"During the war, said Gorky, a private soldier stole a
shirt worth half a ruble, and was condemned to be shot.
"As he was being led away to death, his colonel met him.
'Ivan, Ivan,' said the colonel reproachfully, 'what a
fool you were to risk your life for the sake of 50 copecks.'
'Colonel,' Ivan answered, 'I risk it every day for 5
copecks.'
GOOD FOR HONEYMOONS.
HOMAS NELSON PAGE is speeding the winter at Nice.
1 Nice is the largest city on the Riviera, and, next to
Monte Carlo, it is the gayest and the most beautiful.
Mountains rise behind the town. Indeed, in that country,
the shore of the sea is altogether mountainous, and the rail
road traversing it has innumerable tunnels.
Mr. Page, on a February afternoon, was taking tea out
of doors on the warm and sunlit pier that is called the
Palais de la Jetee.' He complained of a railway journey from
Genoa that he had made, and a young Englishman said:
"Well, you came thru a lovely country, at least."
"Perhaps I did," said Mr. Page "but it- was uncom
monly like traveling thru a flute."
THE POOR BARD.
E looked.a little sadly around the poet's bleak^ bare
attic,
A nice" enough room," she said, "but how do you
heat it?"
"Well, when it gets too cold," saidJie^ I light a match."
SUCCESS.
\I70MAN certainly is havin' a big success of it in busi-
VY ness," said Farmer Cornsilk. "Here's another o'
them sepchagenarian millionaires makin' his 18-year-old
typewriter gal his partner.'
9 I
of efther ladies' or gentlemen's
clothing. house furnishings,
tapestry and even dyeing of
carpets, can be done by us Our
facilities are best in the entire
northwest.
Wr~~ Cf
ChollyWhat is the safest way for me to go thru the slums?
Mike De BiteYouse?' Why, I'd advise a closed carriage!
THE PEST
CLEANING^
FINE CUTLERY
A full
line of
Carving Sets.
Manicure Cases.
Shaving Outfits, Toilet
Articles. Cutlery Grinding.
R. H. HEGENER,
207 Nicollet Ave.. Minneapolis.
RESORTS
HOTErCH^BERUNT^flT
Old Point Comfort i\/V I
Opn all tha jfx For Booklet! addiwa A J\l
6 AdMDi, Mp .Fortran aoaiea.Ta. W^*^
A
To most points
Southwest
N
A Sip of Coffee Comfort.
If you feel that you cannot or perhaps, let us put it, that
you should not drink coffee, here is a fact that will please
you. It is called a fact because it can be proven to your full
satisfaction, that Barrington Hall is a boon to all coffee*
lovers who feel just as you do
is the name
that has the
iovws wug icci jusi as you uo.
BarriixgtoiCHall
^1^n~_i?"~~~*
One-way colonist
second-class, about half rate
also round-trip homeseeken first-class, abov
75% of one-way farefirst and third Tues
days. February and March.
m^^^aM-i^M,*^
b*ofathpdcoffe*edusroceseanntannin-bear
2
Round-trip winter tourist to certain points in Colorado.
New Mexico and Texas, daily until April 30.
California One-way colonist, second-class.
Feb. 15 to April 7. $34.90 from St. Paul
ve
ifr* o!Sf Ortjeeremovcd
"steel-cutM"Barrington
N
and Minneapolis. $25 from Kansas City. Ry Guaruty Bid*.w Mnaeasonf..V
FIRE-PROOF STORAGE
ski
which for brevity is called
Hall, the steel-cut coffee," is the way
tseople have come to know it.
There is a reasonwhich will appeal to your judgment at
the coffee will appeal to your most particular taste. The re-
moval of the tannin is only one feature you can judge for
yourself when you note the minute granules of uniform size
as you examine it dry.
Quality? Well we will leave that to people who are par*
ticularthe more finicky about their coffee the better.
Roasted, steel-cut, packed by machinery in sealed tins, and
^guaranteed by Baker & Co., Importers, Minneapolis.
For sale by the better class of grocers at 35c per pound.}
Low-Rate Excursions
Southwest
Californiadari
The Largest In the WestThe Finest Anywhere.
UnequaTed Facilities for Packinr, Moving. Storm? and Shipping Household Goods
THE BOYD TRANSFER STORAGE CO.
Warehouse. 400-410 B. Lake St. Main Olfic?. 46 S. Third St.
Read ovei iour Journal want ad before you publish it Thlnfc how it will j
sound to perbons who Knew nothing of your business.
&&&&$>&>Q&$>^^
Ri^Q BS
A|t A TS.