The Minneapolis journal. [volume], February 21, 1906, Page 16, Image 16

About The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939

Image provided by: Minnesota Historical Society; Saint Paul, MN

                
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With the Long Bow
Skin Beautifyer Now Going Up and Down the Land on
Its Great Mission of Mercy and Helpfulness.
OW is the time when, if ever, yon need to take a little
of that Kentucky Skin Beautifyer. By reading the
advertisements you will discover at once that your liver has
been working overtime and eating between meals, and has
wrinkles in it. This condition of affairs, due to the long,
warm winter, reacts upon the epidermis, giving you a muddy
complexion and by closing the pores causes colds,
coughs, consumption, corns and incipient cancer. Along
comes the Kentucky Skin Beautifyer on its great
mission of mercy, relieves these untoward condi
tions and plants you on your feet again a free and un-
trammeled American, without a wrinkle in the previously
mentioned internal organ.
Surely gratitude should well up in us as a spring that this
great household remedy is within our feverish grasp.
An argument between a socialist and an individualist
occurred on Fourth street yesterday noon. It was mild and
gentle and soon over.
The socialist contended that under the competitive sys-
tem, which was a state of war, you never could get things
set right. You must change to a co-operative basis.
His opponent claimed that the present system was by far
the better for the individual, as the fight put him on his
mettle. What was needed was to eliminate the evils of the
present systemto improve it, in fact.
The socialist grunted, but as he walked away he fired this
parting shot:
"You can't improve a fight very much."
The people who were sampled by the alleged indignant
dog on First avenue S are now out of danger. This is^an ad-
vantage over hydrophobia, but it does not make any pleas
anter or more popular the experience of having an excited
dog take a piece out of your trousers and possibly a slice of
the dark meat with it.
/m)
A gentleman in New York city was hurried to the asylum
for the crime of attempting to clean the street with his shirt.
If anyone attempted to interfere with the natural thickness
of the streets here suspicions of his sanity would at once
arise in the breast of the street commissioner.
When Congressman Longworth returns he is due to see
a large placard on the front of his house, reading: "Gone on
My Wedding Trip with Tootsie. Have Had a Fine Time,
but Glad to Get Back."
Health Commissioner Darlington of New York analyzed a
sample of church communion wine brought to him, and found
it to be a combination of^vood alcohol, analine dye and a
poor quality of cider. A corporation that would adulterate
the wine would not hesitate to steal the steeple or carry off
the hymn books.
People highly trained musically are said to be slowly
understanding Chinese music. The Chinese have always
claimed that their music was ahead of the western music,
and that we were too obtuse to grasp it. They regard our^
music as barbarous and bald. The Chinese music is made
up of eighty-four scales, each with its special philosophical
significance.
The ordinary western man, who likes "My Old Kentucky
Home" and "In the Shade of the Old Apple Tree," hearing
a Chinese orchestra for the first time, is filled with humorous
amazement. It sounds to him like the scraping of files, the
rasping of ofd tomato cans, with a few of the other boys
drawing laths along a picket fence. There is no time nor
melody to it.
Dr. Gladish, a German savant, who has worked out the
intimate connection between Chinese musical theory and the
musico-philosophie conceptions of Pythagoras, has always in-
sisted that our lack of appreciation is due to lack of training,
and that we shall eventually come to understand better the
marvelous intricacy of Chinese and Japanese musical effects.
Musical harmony is of two kinds: melodic, in which a
succession of notes produces an effect, and chordal, in which
an effect is created by notes struck simultaneously. Melodies,
being easier and more readily recognizable, are developed
first, and chordal harmonies are produced later and are
capable of much greater complexity and "color." It is this
piled up, architectural music, chordal, in which the Chinese
are strong. In our appreciation of Chinese music we are
trying to look at a tower lengthwise, so it sounds to us all out
of proportion.
As some people seem to enjoy smells that other people
do not, so it is probable that musical tastes will differ, but
it is not well to laugh at a Chinese orchestra in the presence
of the Chinese. They may not laugh back, being too polite.
But they recognize your immaturity of taste. A. J. R.
OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF BABES.
GOVERNESSWhat happened when the man killed
the goose that laid the golden egg, Margie?
Little MargieWhy, I guess his goose was cooked.
JohnnyMy mama* can cure people by the laying on of
hands.
TommyI donJt believe it.
JohnnyWell, it's a fact, just' the same. She cured me
of the cigaret habit that way.
Little Harry -Mama, does God know all our thoughts?
I MamaYes, dear.
Little HarryThen why can't I think my prayers instead
of saying 'em?
Small BobbySay,\papa, what makes giraffes have such
long necks?
PapaGod gave them long necks so they could reach the
leaves of the palm, which only grow at the top of the tree.
Small BobbyWell, why didn't God make the leaves giow
lower down?
HANDED ONE TO BEVERIDGE.
NE day when Senator Reveridge was in one of his most
eloquent flights old Senator Pettus of Alabama got
up and asked leave to interrupt. "Does the senator from
Indiana yield to the senator from Alabama?'* thundered the
vice president. "Nothing," replied Beveridge, "affords or
can ever afford the senator from Indiana more pleasure than
to yield to the distinguished and able senator from Alabama,
who never makes a speeeh himself or interrupts the speech
of another senator without adorning it with a brilliant radi-
ance." Pettus stood there with his jaws wagging with the
inevitable cud of tobacco until Beveridge had finished the
sentence and then said, "Mr. President, I move we adjourn."
And they adjourned.
Wednesday Evening
"By* eaton'* walks, shoot tolly as It fUss."
The Season Brings with It Need for the Great Kentucky]
O^CT
TLOWEB& OF THE PLOT7B CITY.
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What's in a Name?
(The Chamber of Commerce Rose.)
The members are seeking a new name. "A rose by any
other name would smell as sweet."
WFULLY sorry, old man," cried Dawson
hurriedly, "but I can't stop a minute. In
an awful rush! Got six calls to make be
A\qen 8 and half-past 10."
"It must be painful to be so popu
lar, was the ironical reply,
"Painful! It's a downright shame!
That's what I call it. What? Well,
I don't care*if I do, old man. Perhaps
just one will help me see it thru." The
two wandered thru the nearest gilded
door, and Dawson told his pathetic story.
"Say, did you ever notice the difference in a woman's
voice when she talks over the telephone and when she uses
the same vocal cords in ordinary conversation? It seems
they call up all the silvery notes the moment they put their
mouths to a transmitter, and what you hear at the other end
is a sweet cadence, a rippling of purling waters, a dropping
of molten gold, a sighing of soft breezes and all that sort of
thing. They seem to realize that there is no vision of their
lovely faces to charm you and all the fascination must be
concentrated ih their voicesand they put it there. That's
why all feminine voicesexcept Central'ssound alike over
the wire. They are all the essence of concentrated honey.
Now you can recognize almost any masculine voice the mo-
ment you put the receiver to your earbut the voice feminine
well, that's my trouble anyway.
"This afternoon my
office boy happened to
be out on an errand,
and when the tele
phone rang I foolishly
answered it. When I
have an office boy to
guard me I always
make would-be tele
phone talkers reveal
their identity before I
will even go to the
phone.
'Hello!' came in
notes of silver over
the wire.
'Hello!' 1 an
swered, cautiously.
'Is that you, Jim-
my?'
'Ye-es,' I replied,
'this is Jimmy.*
'Well, don't you
know me?' came the answer in golden tones of surprise.
'Your voice sounds sodifferent,' I murmured non
commit tally.
'Why, Jimmy!' came the purling waters reproachfully,
I thought you said I was the only girl who ever called you
up at your office. Oh, Jimmy!'
"Now, as a matter of fact, there are several 'only girls,'
you know. You understand how it is, old man. You were
unmarried ander, fairly good-looking once yourself. I
thought for the flash of a second, and then I answered en-
thusiastically
'Oh, is that YOU, dear What's the matter with your
voice? Have you got a cold? You've no notion how un-
natural it sounded. But now I recognize you.'
"There was a little rippling laugh at the other end of
the phone, a doubtful little laugh, not so very good-natured
as it might have been. And still I couldn't catch on.
'All right, Jimmy,' came the dulcet answer. The
purling brook had frozen, but the waters dripped musically
over the ice. 'Of course, I believe you. I wanted to say
that you must come up tonight. I have something very im-
portant to tell you. You simply mustn't make any excuse,
for you've got to be here.'
'You bet I'll be there, sweetheart,' I answered fer-
vently, ^r
"And then she answered, ^Naughty, naughty! to talk so
sentimentally over a phone,' and rang off. Now the ques
tion is, where am I to be? There are about six places that
I can think of that might be rightand I've got to get
around to every one, unless I happen to hit the right place
early in the game."New York Press.
"YOUR VOICE SOUNDS SODIFFERENT."
TITLES.
STRANGERIgentleman
noticed that you called that stately, gray
haired old judge. Is he a superior eonrt
judge or a local judge?
NativeA local judge, sir. He wxw judge at a trottin'
race last week. i1*
v
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THE MINNEAPOLIS JOURNAL.
tl
A
N
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tLtI
QXTAILS,17
or supper.
A String of Good Stories
cannot fall how the truth may be
I say the tale as 'twas said to me."
THE AMATEUR NURSE.
ISS HELEN GOULD was inspecting a hospital in which
she is interested.
At the end of the inspection, the nurse-probationers,
young and pretty and trim in their fresh uniforms, gathered
jkbout Miss Gould. They insisted on holding an impromptu
reception in her honor.
Miss Gould praised the long and arduous course of study
and practice that a nurse must take.
I have no sympathy," she said, "with amateur nurses.
A surgeon once told me a story that illustrates well the ama
teur nurse's skill.
A young woman had taken some sort of correspondence
coursenursing in three lessonsand thereafter went about
looking for accidents, train wrecks, and runaways, wherein
she might distinguish herself.
"Her search, one snowy afternoon, succeeded. Hurrying
up to a crowd, she found a man prostrate and groaning. He
had fallen on a hidden slide and broken his leg.
"At once she took the entire business in her own hands.
'A cane!' she*said, and the bystanders quickly gave her
one. She broke it in pieces for splints. She tore up her*
skirt for bandages. By the time the ambulance arrived, the
injured man, pillowed on overcoats and bandaged in snowyK
linen, looked as tho he had been under a great physician's
hands.
The ambulance surgeon, examining the patient, looked
greatly impressed.
'Who,' he said, 'bandaged this limb?'
'I, doctor,' said the amateur nurse, blushing.
'Well,' said the surgeon, 'it is admirably done. But
you have made, I find, a slight error.'
'What is that, doctor?' she asked.
'You have bandaged,' he answered, 'the wrong leg.'
HOMELY Wit.
MAGAZINE editor was praising sadly William Sharp,
recently deceased in Sicily, who achieved no little fame
as a poet, under the pen name of Fiona McLeod.
"Sharp," he said, "wrote melancholy, dreamy things, but
he was personally a cheery, vigorous soul. No one liked a
joke better than he.
"He was one day praising the real literary talent that
humble, uneducated people often show jbn conversation.
"He said that, in Londonderry one afternoon, he was
seated in a barbershop when a farmer entered to get his
hair cut.
"The farmer's locks had"an odd, ragged look, and the
barber, after regarding them scornfully, said:
'Who cut your hair last, old man?'
'My wife,' the farmer answered, with an awkward
smile.
"The barber snorted.
'What did she do it with?' he asked. 'A knife and
fork?'
CRITICISM.
DON'T believe," said Henry James at a dinner, "in
savage criticisms of living writers. Why take up a
man in or^der to put Jiim down All that such a course
achieves is the infliction of useless pain.
"No pain is greater than that which harsh criticism
gives. And when a smile of disapprobation can give torment,
wjbat must be the pangs that long columns of printed con
demnation cause?
A certain resident of Rye once moved to London, and
there was appointed to a political post of some honor.
"Meeting a Rye man afterwards, he said:
I suppose you know, James, of the honor that has be-
fallen me?'
I do,' was the answer.
'And what,' said the other eagerly, 'what do they say
down home about it, James?'
'They don't say nothing,' James replied. 'They just
laugh.'
THE CAREFUL MILLIONAIRE.
IEUTENANT BEVAN of the Drake described at a dinner
in New York an English millionaire.
I "This man," he said, "never earned a penny in his life.
He never lacked a penny. Yet he is as careful of every shil
ling as tho it was his last.
I once dined with him, and, as it was raining when I
came to go, I hesitated a little while before the umbrella rack
in the hall.
I hate,' I said, 'to start out in this rain/
"Then I laid my hand on an umbrella.
don't like, either,' I went on, 'to borrow your um-
brella.
The millionaire seized up my handsome malacca walking
stick.
'Oh, take it,' he said, heartily. 'Take it, my dear fel-
low, and I '11 keep this stick as security.'
OSTRICHES AND ANGELS.
ALPH ADAMS CRAM, the author-architect, was talking
about a wealthy amateur painter. ^v
A lady," he said, "paused before his latest picture at
one of his studio teas, and cried enthusiastically:
'Oh, perfect! Mr. Smear, these ostriches are simply
superb.. You should never paint anything but birds.'
"Smear winced.
'Those are not ostriches, madam. They are angels,' he
said hurriedly."
What the Market Affords
three for 25 cents.
Beets, cents a peck.
Squash, 10 cents each.
Rye meal, ten-pound sack, 30 cents.
Pumpernickje biead, 5 eents a loaf.
Quince preserves, 25 cents a jar.
Spiced beets may be prepared in quantity, as they keep
well and are extremely useful as an addition to salads, as a
relish with cold meats or as a garnish for ma'iiy dishes. Boil
a number of medium-sized beets until very tender, drop in
cold watei and rub off the skins. For a quart of beets ,put
into a saucepan one-half of a cupful of sugar, five cloves, a
saltspoouful of white mustard seed, half of a blade of mace,
an inch of stick cinnamon, a quarter of a teaspoonful of salt
and a pint and a half of vinegar. Boil together until reduced
one-half add the beets and &immer gently for twenty min
utes. Lift out from the saucepan, place half in a fruit jar
cut the remainder in fancy shapes or slices and place in an-
other jar. Strain the vinegar and divide between the two
jais ^o prepared they are leady for immediate use. For
salads rinse quickly in cold water and dry on a cloth, then
use alone or in combination, adding a French dressing.
To make a canned corn pudding in Nantucket fashion
beat one egg add one cup of canned com, half a cup of
rolled cracker crumbs,-ha^f a cup (or less), of sugar, half a
teaspoonful of salt, and two cups of milk. Bake nearly an
hourTn a very slow oven. Serve hot, with butter, at luncheon
kiki,
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25SS&SSSSZZ
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Have you ever tried
The Trnf it Eyeglass?
There is a world of
delight in wearing
them, easy on the
nose, firm, hand
some and are made
by\
C.4.Hoffm&nl^u
624 Nicollet Ave.
Try the new Toric Bifocal Spectacles.
Everything Optical. Kodak Supplies.
FINE CUTLERY
GREAT i
REORGANIZATION
SALE
STILL CONTINUES.
Men's Clothing and Furnishings
being sold at prices below actual cost of goods. Onr
Spring goods are arriving and these prices must clean
our tables and counters. We quote a few sample items:
S18, $15 and $12.50 Men's Suits in Fancy Worsteds, Cheviots,
Tweeds, Cashmeres, Blue Serges and 40 O
Black Cheviots, at *POaOO
$10, $8.50 and $7.50 All Wool Suits in Fancy Cheviots. Six
different patterns, all sizes while & J9 WA A
they last, at 94i4Q
$1.50, J$l.25 and $1.00 Negligee Shirts in plain col- 7Q
ors and fancy stripes and figures, at i %9%}
25c Seamless Half Hose, in black, natural and 4 4
camels' hair, at I I
EARLY ARRIVALS 75c and 50c Fancy silk lisle Half QR
Hose, 3 pairs for $1.00 at per pair UUU
75c and 50c Silk Lisle and English Web Suspend- 4JQ**
ers, cast off ends. lPf*
50c, 35c and 25c Neckwear in Four-in-Hands, j|
Tecks, Bows and String Tie3, at Ivv
ARCHER & MEAGHER
Cornel- Nicollet and Third Street
A full
line of
Csrving Sets,
Manicure Cases,
Shaving Outfits, Toilet
Articles. Cutlery Grinding.
R. H. KEGENER,
207 Nicollet Ave. Minneapolis.
No part of the continent will now so ahead as
fust as this new distiieU with all its new rail
roads, development of the great Koochiching
falls and its unlimited supply of natural re
sources of every kind We have located thou
sands of people there and are absolutely on the
ground floor and can do far better for home
seekers and investors than any other concern or
agent operating In that country Voi Informa
tion, homes or investments there, confer with
The Enger-Nord Realty Co.
120 Temple Court, Minneapolis, Minn.
A A
DO IT THIS NOON
GET YOUR LUNCH AT
The Royal Inn
40 S. Third Street.
I
The Good Food
The Prompt Service
The Cleanliness
The Tout Ensemble
Will make you feel good
natured for the balance
of the day.
Lunch Counter or Chair Table
Service at Ail Hours.
Bed Linen Laundered
Without a Wrinkle at
The White Laundry
No Chemicals.
A postal card or either phone
will bring our auto for your work.
925 Washington Ave. S.
1