With the Long Bow
Forty-thirdMormon President Making a Record That Is Bound if I Is Not
Interrupted to Throw Brigham Young Into the Race Suicide Class*,*/fl^^
fair sickle, hangs tremulous in the west and all is quiet and at peace the
house of Smith. But deep in the bosom of the head of the house of Smith stirs
a troubled thought. (NoticeLicense taken out for mixed metaphor.) It
grows, gams in strength, finally takes form in the mind and remains to dis-
turb the rest of the head of the populous and growing house of Smith.
"Is it possible that I am oveidoing this?"
Mrs. Craigie in her latest book expresses the opinion that a martyrdom
nowadays would be called an advertisement. People are alwaysj to be found
who insi&t on attributing to otheis the lowest motive possible. No doubt when
Polycarp was burned foi refusing to recant there weie those standing around
who sneered and remaiked to their neighbors
"Polycarp always was a good advoitiser'"
"Polycarp always is trying to get himself before the public. I hope he is
An innocent Englishman was Carrie Nationed in Denver recentlv. He
was A. Freie Twitchin, 40 Trinity square, London, E. C. He was sitting peace-
fully in a streetcai, benignly complacent, when Came opened up all along
the line: "Wietch' Smoking and spitting your life away! The idea of you sit-
ting there with a hang dog expiession and puffing at that dirty, nasty, vile,
"My woid!" remarked Mr. Twitchin.
Then Carrie unloosened again.
"Blooming queer, ye know'" Mr. Twitchin remarked in a dazed way to
himself, gating in utter astonishment from a pair of Dresden china blue "eyes
at the indignant saloon smasher. By this time the passengers were in an
ecstacy of enjoyment, and someone explained to the bewildered Englishman
that it flas Canie Nation.
"OhAhIaw don't know the lady at all!"
Carrie alighted rom the car shortly after this. At his hotel Mr. Twitchin
had the affan carefully explained to him.
"And ye know," said Mr. Twitchin when he was finally thoroly apprecia
tive of the humor of his experience, "the queerest part is that at home I
seldom smoke cigarets. I use a pipe."
The Edmore (N. D.) Herald-News finds the butter putting up the heavy
dumbbells. It says:
"At no time of the year do we of the towns and villages realize our de-
pendence on our farmer friends more than during the threshing season, when
they consume the greatest part of their butter themselves, and it is almost
next to impossible to get ally of the genuine article like mother used to make.
This thing of trying to eat butter with a 'made in Germany' flavor to it
makes us all wish that we were farmers and owned a Jersey cow or two."
Bound steak, 10, 12% and 15 cents a
Green tomatoes, 15 cents a peck.
Cucumbers, small, 75 cents a peck
large, 15 cents a dozen.
Onions for pickling, 8 cents a* quart.
Eice, 10 cents a pound.
Brown sugar, 6 cents a pound.
Seckel pears, 65 cents a peck.
Mother is at the front with the advertisers. There is "Mother's Bread,"
"Giandmother's Bread," "Baby Label Bread" and "Mamma's Cash Gro-
ceiy." We already have "Grandfather's Tar Soap," and it is about time some
shrewd advertiser put "Father's Bread" on the market or made a hit with
"Father's Favorite Pie" and "Papa's Own Cake." It ought to be a good
brand of tobacco that carried the label "Father's." *A. J. R.
What the Market Affords
The Hungarian women are famous
for their meat dishes, and here is a
recipe that has for a foundation noth
ing more pretentious than round steak.
After the steak has been chopped the
housewife in Hungary breaks an egg
into a bowl, adds the soft inside of a
roll, a small onion, grated, paprika and
salt, and into this stirs the meat, and
after mixing all together forms it into
a ball. Into a saucepan or kettle which
has a tighly fitting cover she puts an
onion which she has fried brown in
butter, then the meat ball, cuts one or
two tomatoes into quarters and puts
them around it, covers, and lets sim
mer gently so as not to_ break the ball,
and simmers another thirty minutes.
When served, garnished with its
dressing of tomatoes and sliced onions,
it is as pretty to behold as it is tooth
some and tender. The tomatoes are
left unsweetened and give a pleasant
snap to the dish.
For the popular oil pickles, pare and
slice fifteen large cucumbers and six
onions. Salt down heavily and let
stand all night. In the morning, drain:
pour over them half a gallon of cider
vinegar and let them stand four hours.
Dram off the vinegar and heat with a
pint of olive oil. Add some chopped
red peppers and celery seed for season
ing, and when thoroly heated, pour
over the cucumbers and onions, put
into glass jars and seal at once.
Homemade chowchow, like other
pickles put up at home, have a taste
not to be found in those purchased
ready made. To make the appetizing
relish according to the Woman's Home
Companion, wipe two quarts of small
green tomatoes. Pare twelve small cu
cumbers. Cut three red peppers in
halves, crosswise, and remove the seeds.
Remove the leaves and cut off the
stalks from one cauliflower and soak
for twenty minutes (head down) in
enough cold water to cover. Remove
the leaves and wash the two bunches
of celery. Eemove the skins from one
pint of small onions. Remove the
strings from two quarts of string
beans. Cut all the prepared vege
tables into small pieces, cover with
half a cupful of salt, let stand twenty
four hours, and drain. Mix one-fourfti
of a pound of mustard seed, half an
ounce of allspice, half an ounce of pep
per, half an ounce of cloves and two
ounces of turmeric. Add this mixture
%o one gallon of vinegar, ,heat gradu-
-"Eye nature's walks, shoot folly as It files."
Smith Slightly Startled When the Doctor Cheerfully Announces to Him His
JOSEPH SMITH of
the Mormon church is likely
to bo arrested for violating the
polygamy law. The proof that they
bring forward against the president is
his forty-third baby, born this year.
The Smith family is large and
strongly favorable to President Roose
velt's policies, but when a member of
it shows up with his forty-third infant,
the other branches of the family may
well pause, retire a bit and reflect.
"Why Smith Left Home," or why
he might be tempted to leave home,
might be explained by the advent in
Smithville of that daring navigator on
the sea of time, Smith Forty-three.
Even a Mormon might hesitate as he
tops the. mystic number 40 with ba
bies and begins to find Christmas and
the Fourth of July a little too over
We may imagine President Smith
raking one of his lawns as the doctor
drives by. He looks up anxiously. The
"Yes, there's one up in No. 25 Ter
As the doctor drives on, Smith takes
out his notebook, makes an entry and
hastily runs up the column.
"By the great salt sea, if it isn't
So the gieat tun goes down sending
its last level shafts of light across the
fair valley, a gentle wind sighs among
the ripe leaves, the autumn moon, a
ally to the boiling point, then add the
piepared vegetables, and let simmer un
til the vegetables are soft.
MRS. PAGE'S COLONIAL HOME
One of the most beautiful colonial
mansions is the one in Viigmia owned
bv Mrs. Thomas Nelson Page, wife of
the novelist.' Senator Lodge once said
it pained him to enter the dimngroom
because he disliked so to leave it. Mrs.
jwc-e *frjs*man4ummi Mti&tiE8t&
STORY OP STRONG-ARM TOUSLEY
We will again speak of school life if
our leaeleis will permit, otherwise we
will hold our "piece.' The last word
has not been to school. The old Wash
ington school was located in the busi
ness distuct of Minneapolis. It was
called the Washington school because
it was located near Washington avenue,
which was named after George some
time after him. One dav at recess the
fiie whistle emptied out the alarm of
fire. I and another bovwe were boys
at the timehastily left the school
grounds and ran to the fire. It proved
to be in North Minneapolis and we did
not get back to school until the next
day. After the morning exercises the
teacher called our names and informed
us that we would find the supennten
dent waiting for us in his office in the
basement. The superintendent's name
was Tousley and was a man with fixed
ideas. He took a bath ev^ry morning
beef, iron and wine and he had a
look cross enough to bieak down the
pastuie fence and let the bull out and
the bull would go the other wav at that.
We tried to be pleasant greeting Mr.
Tousley, but he paid little attention to
'No indeed I can never be your wife, why, I had half a dozen offers
"That's nothing. I proposed to at least a dozen girls before I met yon."
OUR BACKWOODS NEIGHBORS COMIN* TO TOWN.
Duck A. DaddiesWhere you spectin' to pass the fall?
Bear CubDuluth, to be sure. Where will you go?
Duck A. D.Oh, some watering place between Lormg park and Minne-
our civil manners and motioned us to I er Blaefetetx
Page when abroad gathered some genu
ine Cordovan leather furnishings and
curios and works of art in silver and
porcelain. Following the approved
colonial stvle, she has few rugs and no
carpets in the mansion. The floors are
all parquetry, polished until they aie as
reflective as a Chinese philosopher. Un
like many wealthy women. Mrs. Page
takes an active interest in her home
and all her pui chases are made on a
well-defined program. As a consequence,
her home is harmonious.
THE' MINNEAPOLIS "JOURNAL. ***&.
some hard chairs, where we sat until he
had finished reading an article the
morning's paper about the fire. He
then turned his attention to us, speak
ing of the duties of fiiemen. He at
tributed the failure of firemen at times
to suppress the angry tongue of fire to
their unfamihanty with the hose, and
as we signified our desire to become
firemen he would give us a demonstra
tion, and reaching under the table he
drew out about four feet of garden hose
to it. Every time
mv legs I was taken
with sharp pains mv lower extremi
ties. It seemed sometime before I was
told to sit down and mv companion had
the hose turned on him. We got all that
we had coming a*nd a httle more and
were told to keep the change.Grafton
E KNEW THE FABRIC
TeacherI have explained to you,
children, what th* fabrics we wear are
made of. Now, Johnnie, tell me what
your suit is made of.
JohnnieFather's old trousers.
Translated for Tales from Meggendor-
F. P. Dunne, in American Magazine.
"Th' printed wurrud! What can I
do against it? I can buy a gun to pro
tect me against me inimy. I can change
me name to save me fr'm gran' jury.
But there's no escape f'r good man or
bad fr'm th' printed wurrud. It -fol
lows me wheriver I go an' sthrikes me
down in church, in me office, in me
very home. There was me frind Jawn
D. Three years ago he seemed insured
against punishment ayether here or
hereafther. A happy man, a religious
man. He had squared th' ligislachures.
th' coorts, th' politicians an' th' Bap
tist clargy. He saw th' dollars hoppin'
out iv ivry lamp chimbley in th' wur
ruld an' hurryin' to 'rd him. His heart
was pure seein' that he had niver done
wrong save in th' way iv business. His
head was hairless but unbowed. Ivry
Mondah mornin' I read iv him leadin'
a chorus iv 'Onward Christyan sogers
marchm' f'r th' stuff.' He was at
peace with th' wurruld, th' flesh an' th'
divvle. A good man! What cud harm
him? An' so it seemed he might pro
ceed to th' grave whin, lo an' behold,
up in his path leaps a lady with a pen
in hand an* off goes Jawn D. f'r th'
tall timbers. A lady, mind ye, dips a
pen into an ink well! There's an ex
plosion an' what's left iv Jawn D. an'
his power wudden't frighten crows
away f'rm a corn field. Who's afraid
iv Rockyfeller now? Th' prisidmt hits
him a kick, a counthry grand jury in
dicts him, a goluf caddy overcharges
him an' whin he comes back f'rm Eu
rope he has as many polismen to meet
WOULD WILLIAM HAVE DONE BETTER AT COLLEGE??
Lady Mary's Gossip
LondonAmericans of the tourist va
riety swarm in London at this period of
the year, but those who claim equality
with the big S section of British socie
ty have deserted it, going for the most
pait to fashionable continental resorts.
The belle of St. Moritz is undoubted
ly Italia Blair, a daughter of Mr. and
i Mrs. Chauncey Blair of Chicago,
Wherever she moves, a crowd follows
I her and the story goes that a certain
Italian prince, closely allied to royalty,
whom she does not favor, says if she
will not marry him, he will kill him
i self. Duels have already been fought
over her. She is the admiration of
Germans and French Jtnd English men
alike, and it is alreaay admitted that
she can marry anyone! It is years since
any American girl has made such a
huge success. She has carried off the
palm also for being ttte best dancer at
St. Moritz, which is, of course, saying
a lot, for there dancing is a fine art.
The other night the Grand Duke Alexis
asked for the honor of leading the co
tillion with her. Curiously enough,
she did not make much of a hit here
in London, when she was presented at
court but this is no unusual occur
rence, as not infrequently debutantes
are a trifle raw, so to speak. But
when they have been out a few months,
they get used to their clothes as it
were, and in less than a year, they
often develop into great beauties. This
is clearly the case with Italia Blair.
Mrs. Cornelius Vanderbilt and her
daughter, Gladys, are also making a
stir at St. Moritz. They arrived in a
magnificent touring motor car, in which
they had driven thru Germany. The
car is provided with facilities for cook
ing, and at a pinch, the occupants can
sleep it. Mrs. Vanderbilt's party
includes Miss Dorothy Whitney, wbp is
of course, very rich. She is under
Mrs. Vanderbilt's wing, and she is go
ing to do a good deal of entertaining
for her. The party had some amus
ing experiences in their long motor run,
and especially enjoyed the cooking of
their alfresco meals. Once, when the
milk supply ran out, Gladys Vanderbilt
went into a field and milked a cow and
surprised even her mother, who had no
idea she could accomplish this feat.
Miss Dorothy Whitney has numbers of
photographs of their doings on the way
and a particularly good one of her
friend Gladys in the character of dairy
Each of Mf1!i. Vanderbilt *s guests
carried a revolver during the long ride
quite a necessary precaution, parts of
the country thru which they traveled
being very lonely. i
Dooley on "The Printed Wurrud"
him an' whin he comes back fr'm EU
year ago, annybody wud take his
money. Now if he wanted to give it
even to Chancellor Day he'd have to
meet him a barn at midnight.
"NO, .sir, as Hogan says, I care not
who makes th' law or th' money iv a
counthry so long as I run th' presses.
Father Kelly was talkin' about it th'
other day. 'There ain't annything like
it an' there niver was says he. 'All
th' priests in this diocese together
preach to about a hundred thousand
people wanst a week an',' he says, 'all
th' papers preach to three millyon
wanst a day, aye, twinty times a day,'
he says. 'We give ye hell on Sundahs
an' they give ye hell all th' time,' he
says. 'Tis a wondherful* thing,' he
says. I see a bar'l iv printer's ink
HEALTH AND BEAUTY
This is the diet that makes for rosi
ness of cheeks: Plenty of milk, eggs,
ripe fruit, greeen stuffs, cream and milk
pudding. No smoked or salted meat or
smoked or salted fish. Very little tea,
coffee, cake, sugar or sweet stuff. Good
beef or mutton, underdone, at one meal
daily. A meal of bread and butter and
tea is at direct enmity with the effect
Few people can consume milk large
ly without a growing distaste. But
one can take it in other ways. Thus,
one may eat butter liberally. There is
no more nutrient fat used at table.
Then there is cheese, which is very rich
in proteid material. Cream may be
used in addition to many articles of
food. Lastly is skim milk, which, so
far from being valueless, offers more
value for its price than does any other
food in common use.
All who have studied the human hair
are agreed that to wet it, as is done in
a bath, and that daily, results in weak
ening of its structure. On the other
hand, it must not be assumed that wa
ter is in itself an enemy of the hair.
On the contrary, it is a hair food. The
question concerns quantity. To dip a
comb in water before using it and so
distribute a film of moisture will im
prove some kinds of hair, but the sat
uration of the hair bv water has al
wavs in the long vyro. an opposite effect.
If you get up bilious try the no-sup
per plan. Take your latest meal at 6
in the evening. If at first you feel
famished eat a crust of dry bread and
drink cold water. Try your utmost to
give up all supper and soon vou will
wake every morning determined to have
a breakfast even if you have to fight
for it. That is the sort of feeling ovu
want. Oftentimes people are bilious
or otherwise upset on Monday morning.
That is because of the high supper or
the extra good dinner or the unaccus
tomed inaction of the previous day.
On the evening of the first Sunday
after their removal from their house
in the suburbs, which was the only
home the children had ever known, to
the top floor of a seventh story apart
ment house, the family gathered
around the piano for the usual hour of
song, each member in turn, according
to the time-honored custom, request
ing a hymn of his choice. When 10-
year-old Marjory's turn came she said:
I think the most appropriate hymn is:
's* '1 'm nearer my heavenly home to
day-than ever I've been before.'
I think of it every time I come up
in the elevator."New York Press.
coin' into a newspaper office an' it
looks, common enough. A bar'l iv
printer's ink, a bar'l iv linseed ile an'
lampblack, with a smell to it that's
half stink an' half perfume. But I
tell ye if all th' dinnymite, lyddite,
cordite an' guncotton in th' wurruld
wuz hid behind thim hoops there wud
den't be as much disturbance in that
bar'l as there is in th' messy stuff that
looks like so much tar,' he says.
'Printer's ink! A dhrop iv it on wan
little wurrud in type,' he says, 'will
blacken th' fairest. name in Christen
dom or,' he says, 'make a star to shine
on th' lowliest brow,' he says. 'It will
find its way intomillions iv homes an'
hearts an' memories, it will go thru
iron dures an' stone walls an' will
carry some message that may turn th'
current iv ivry life it meets, fr'm th'
imperor iv Chiny to th' baby in th'
cradle in Hannigan's flat,' he says.
'It may undo a thousand prayers or
start a' millyon. It can't be escaped.
It could dhrag me out iv me parish
house tomorrah an' make me as well
known in Peking as I am in Halsted
sthreet, an' not as fav'rably. Today
th' pope may give me no more thought
thin he gives Kelly th'e rowlin'-mill
man. Tomorrah he may be readin*
about how great or bad I am in th'
Popylo Romano. It's got death beat
a mile in levelin' ranks.'
'Yes, sir,' says he, 'th* hand that
rocks th' fountain pens is th' hand
that rules the wurruld. Th' press is
f'r th' whole universe what Mulligan
was f'r, his beat. He was th' best po
lisman *an' th' worst I iver knew. He
was a terror to evildoers whin he was
sober an* a terror to iverybody when
he was dhrunk. Martin, I dhrink to
th' la-ads all over th' wurruld who
use th' printer's ink. May they not
put too much iv th'e r-red stuff in it
an' may it niver go to their heads.'
DREAMED SAFE COMBINATION
Charles Farrell's dreams may not be
so fantastic as some, but they havo
been proved to be accurate at least.
One of them yesterday opened the old
safe, which has stood for the past six
teen years, tightly locked and with the
combination forgotten, in the mayor's
Various clerks and messengers in one
administration after another have tried
theii hands at the old safe, but they
could never do anything with it. It
was locked and it stayed locked. The
safe is said to be one of the first fit
ted with a combination lock to be in
stalled in the city, and it was used for
a long time in connection with the po
lice court in the days when the mayor
held the daily hearings.
Yesterday Farrell entered the office
with the announcement that he had
dreamed the combination. Amid the
derisive gibes of others in the office
he tried his "hunch" and, greatly to
the astonishment of everybody, it
worked, the bolt slid back and the door
AU the sorrows that beset me,
And th* little ills that fret me,
Troubles great or* worries small,
Slip away and leave me smiling,
Setm inch trifles after all
Whei my laddie comes beguiling
Lisps in baby language funny:
"Mother, you a' fweet a' honey."
Fortune may be long delaying,
Sjtill disdainful of my praying,
But at touch of rose-leaf fingers
Gone is grief and laughter lingers.
They were follies that oppressed me
Futile fears that so possessed me
"Mother, you a' tweet a' honey."
Presto, all the world is sunny.
Grace Stone Field In the September House
It is a man who says they are.
Women, he says, never like the place
they live in, the clothes they have, the
circumstances wherein it has pleased
an inscrutable Providence to place
them, nor any of the things that befall
"Women," he says, "are never
happy unless they are unhappy about
something never contented unless they
can be discontented. The best a poor
fellow can do is to do the best he
can for them, and then let 'em alone.
It's impossible to make them happy."
Awful as this indictment sounds, any
one who knows womankind knows that
there is truth in it.
There are any number of feminines
who simply can't be made happy, do
what you can for them. Dear, good
creatures they are, too, who wouldn't
harm a fly, and who~would resent the
insinuation that they are not devoted
ly attached to their husbands and fam
If they live in town they want to
live in the country. If they live in
the country they resent the presence of
mosquitoes and the absence of trolley
If Johnnie has blue eyes, they would
much have preferred brown. If t^hey
bought a black silk gown they wish
they had selected a white muslin one.
And so on, to the end of the chapter.
It's always the thing they haven't
got that they want the place they are
not that they want to be the thing
they did that they wish they hadn't
Such women simply must have a
grievance. Take it away, and they'll
be wretched. The wise man spoke truth
when he said that to be really happy
they must be miserable.
To try to make happiness for an in
dividual of this type is pretty near a
hopeless task. Nobody can do it.
As a matter of fact, the happiness or
unhappiness of any woman lies entirely
in her own hands, and the idea that
anybody else can create it for her is all
No happiness is possible for any one
who is dependent upon somebody else
to make her happy. Half the secret
of the discontent of womankind is due
to the prevalence of the idea that some
man is to make them happy.
Love, a home, the management of a
house, and a little fancywork, are not
always enough to make a woman hap
py. If she is deeply interested in
them they will. If she isn't, they
She may need some absorbing occu
pation of her own, to bring her content
ment and joy.
One thing is sure, if she hasn't it in
her to be happy herself, or to find
means of making herself happy, no
As he left the mountain hotel when*
he had come for_ the autumnal foliage,
he said to the landlord:
There is one thing about your hotel
table that is not surpassed even at ths
new and palatial Eitz in London."
"And what is that, sir?" asked th*)
Why Are Women Naturally Discontented?
BY POLLY PENN.
man can ever do it foi lur. And thf
man who essays to carry the whole re
sponsibility of keeping her face
wreathed with smiles, will find himself
engaged in a fruitless task.
Happiness and contentment are in
ourselves, sister women. Some one
else may help us to find them but no
one else can ever give them to us.
FROM ELIZABETH LEE
Waist for Skirt.
Dear Miss Lee: I have a skirt like
the enclosed sample, and goods enough
for a waist. Will you please tell me
how to have it made, as this color is
not very becoming to me? The skirt
is seven gore, with a pleat on and be
tween each one, and I will add two or
three bias folds on the bottom to come
to the front gore. I am 5 feet 7 inches
tall, bust 34, waist 24, and hips 36.
Have black hair, brown eyes and dark
complexion, rather florid. Would like
it trimmed in dark red, if you think
advisable. Thanking you in advance
and waiting an early reply. I remain,
Thief Eiver Falls,
I should have a full lower portion of
bodice showing a couple of horizontal
tucks above the waist line, the fulness
taken into a red velvet belt, and the
top gathered to a round voke of reu
velvet outlined with bias folds of the
goods. The sleeves full puffs, tucked
above elbow to match waist and ending
them in turn-back cuffs covered with
folds, adding long cuffs of red velvet.
Add a little cream lace at throat and
wrists and your waist will be as be*
coming as possible.Elizabeth Lee.
Always have lobster sauce with salmon.
And pat mint sauce on your roasted lams.
Veal cutlets dtp in egg and bread crumb,
Fry till yon see brownish red coma.
Grate Gruyere cheese on macaroni
Make the top crip, but not too bony.
In venison gravy, currant jelly.
Mix with old port, see Francatelll.
In dressing salad, mind this law
With two hard yolks use one that's WWW
Roast veal with rich stock gravy serve.
And pickled mushrooms, too, observe.
Roast pork, sans apple sauce, past doubt.
Is ""Hamlet" "With the prince left out.
Your mutton chops with paper cover.
And make them brown all over.
Broil lightly your beefsteakto fry It
Argues contempt for Christian diet.
Kleiners a finer flavor gain
By stewing them in good champagne.
Buy stall-fed pigeons. When you've got them,
The way to cook them Is to pot them.
Wood grouse are dry when cooks have mam**
Before you roast 'em, always lard 'em,
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