SC^-^f v-Wfi^f-f ^^--m^* w-^&ras wmf%*$$m
the corridor of this great hotel some
mornings ago, and was looking about
her with a mo3t lively interest. An
attendant stepped up to her and
asked her what she wished not with
any intention of discourtesy, but with
a very humane desire to assist her in
any possible way.
I know well enough what I want,"
she said, "but I don't know whether
you are the man that I should go
to. Are you the owner or the mana
ger of this hotel?"
"N o, madam, I am neither, but I
can speak for the management and
would be glad to serve you in any
way." She was such a nice old lady
that the heart of even a New York
hotel attache warmed toward her.
"It's just this way, mister," she
said. I am visiting some friends
uptown and broke away today to look
about a little and see some of the sights
of this town. I am 68 years old and I
live way up in York state and this is
my first visit to New York. I have
hoard tell about this place for many
years and I have always thought that I
would die happy if I eould only take
one meal here. I would like to go
back and tell the friends at home that
I had eaten at the "Waldorfwhatever
the rest isand what I wanted to ask
you mister, was if I could get a meal
here for about 50 cents?"
Just at that moment Oscar, the genial
and general manager of the place,
whom everybody knows, was passing.
Overhearing this question, he stopped
and looked at the old lady. Like every
body else he warmed toward her in
"Good morning, madam," he said
with his most polite bow. "Did I un
derstand you to ask whether you could
get a good meal here for 50 cents?"
"Ye s, sir," said the old 'lady, "that
is about all that I can afford to spend
just now, as I wish to buy some little
things for the children, and must look
out for my ticket home. I don't sup-
E WAS WAITING
One of the stock questions of the
newspaper men who visit the state de
partment every day relates to the
status of Ambassador Leishman at Con
stantinople. Since his elevation to
ambassadorial rank he has failed to
secure an audience with the sultan,
who, as is well known, is in feeble
health. To the usual question, "Has
Mr. Leishman been received?" the
stereotyped reply, "Not yet," is given.
When this formula had been gone
thru with the other day, Assistant Sec
retary Adee waxed humorous, and said
the situation at Constantinople was
like that of a man with a rent in his
trousers. The man went into a tailor
shop which displayed a sign, Trousers
aended while you wait." He retired
inner room and gave his trousers
to the tailor to fix up.
After waiting about two hours he
called to the tailor, "Haven't you fixed
those trousers yet?"
"Not yet," replied the tailor.
"Whyi what's the matter?" he
asked somewhat- impatiently. "Your
sign says, "Trousers mended while you
"Oh, that's all right," answered
back the tailor with the slightest trace
of a "smile, "you're waiting, ain't
Ambassador Leishman, said Mr. Adee,
is Still waiting.Washington Star.
Chauncey B. Brewster, D.D bishop
of Connecticut, told a story the other
day which he says is' Mrs. Brewster's
favorite. I seems the bishop had
caught a small boy stealing apples in
his orchard so, after reproving him
Severely for some time, he said,
now, my boy, do you know why I tell
you all this? There is one before whom*
even I am a drawling worm do you
"Sure/* replied the boy promptly
**the missus."Harper's Weekly.
THIS IS ON FATHER
A director of one of the great trans-
oatinental railroads was showing^ his
daughter the pictures in a
frk of natural history. Pointing to a
inure of a zebra, he asked the baby
tell him what it represented. Baby
answered, "Colty." Pointing to a
icture a tiger in the same way, she
"Kitty." Then a lion, 8nd
he answered, "Doggie." Elated wtth
ler seeming qrdtk perception, he turned
J/L' picture of a chimpanzee aiJ
that would go very far in this
otel, would it?"
"You were never more mistaken in.
your life, madam," said Oscar with his
most polite bow. "We can give you a
very good meal here for less money
than that. You come with me and I will
see that you are taken care of imme
With that he led her into the main
diningroom, personally seated her at a
table next the Fifth avenue windows,
and asking to be excused for a moment,
took the waiter aside and gave him
some very definite instructions. Then
Oscar returned to her and said:r "You
leave it to me as to what we serve you,
and I will see that you are well taken
I know you will," the old lady
said with a beaming smile.
There have been few luncheons
served at the Waldorf-Astoria in the
last month or so more calculated to
please a nice old lady from upstate
than was placed upon her table that
day. It was not elaborate, nor was
it French, but a careful selection of
things that would certainly satisfy her,
ending with an elaborate cut of huck
The old lady did justice to her meal
and when it was over she turned to
the waiter and said: "Do I pay you,
sir. and .how much is the bill?"
'"Twenty-five cents, madam," said
the waiter without a smile.
1 was less than I had expect-
ed." the old lady said. "Don't you
think you have made a mistake? I
thought it would, be at least 50 cents."
"That is the price, madam," said
She fumbled with her pocketbook
for a moment, and then handed out
three 10-cent pieces. Trembling at.'her
temerity she said: "Never mind the
change, sir the balance is for you, as
you have been very good to me."
Then an unprecedented thing hap
pened. The waiter bowed gravely and
said, I am very much obliged to you,
but,the waiters in this dining room are
not^permitted to accept any lips."
With that he gravely returned the
nickel, and with many a pleasant
"Thank you, sir for your kindness,"
she moved slowly out of the dining
room, smiling upon everybody as she
DUEL OF SPELLING
With references to the duel between
General Andre and General Negrier
Parisians are recalling, the effective
manner in which a statesman of long
ago'replied to the challenge of an illit
erate bully. The statesman responded
with the following letter: "Dear Sir:
You have called me out without any
good reason. I have, therefore, the
choice of weapons. I choose the spell
ing book and you are a dead man*''
The duel, was never fought.
A String of
'Son,' said the drummer,
doctor, and if that man doesn't stop
snoring he'll die of apoplexy.. Watch
your chance, and as soon as his mouth
opens a little wider, lean over and
squeeze this lemon into it.'
K. Lincoln Lippitt, at a meeting of
the American Automobile club, was
talking of a certain valuable but rare
work on autompbiling.
"After trying to buy the book,"said
Mr. Lippitt, "at every bookseller's I
could think of, I was told that I might
perhaps get it at a certain library.
"They had it, sure enough, at this
library, but it was out. I tried again,
and it was out again, and it was still
'When will I be abl to get this
book?' I said to the clerk at last, in
'I'm sure don't know,' the clerk
answered airilv. But we've got' it,
all right. It's in the catalog.'
'Yes,' said I, I know it is but iu
so condensed a form that I can't read
it. '*_-_ ""':,_ v-.-n/:,
THE MADNESS OF HAMLEf
Eichard Mansfield^ at -a dinner party
in New Yorkj contributed an anecdote
to the, old question of- the sanity. df
"One morning in the west," he said,
I met a young friend of mine, and
asked him where he had been the night
I went,' my young friend repliedl
'to see So-and-So's Hamlet.' 1
'Aha, did you?' said I. 'Now tell
medo you think Hamlet was mad?'
I certainly do,' said he. 'There
wasn't a hundred dollars in the
house.' TOO MUCH FOB THE HIRED MAN
Professor Brander Matthews, along
with his belief in spelling reform, be
lieves in short words and in'simple
constructions. The simplicity of his
prose style, as it is manifested in his
interesting books, is only equaled by
Apropos of simplicity, Professor Mat
thews said the other day:
"In my youth I once asse the sum
mer in the country. One of my friends,
an elderly farm hand, paid a visit to
New York during my country visit, and
on his return I said to him, employing
a word heedlessly complex and long:
'Well, jabei, how did you like the
'Wot say?' asked the old man.
'How. did you like the metropolis?'
'Twa 'n 't open,' said he.
FATHER OF WATERS IS "AT HOME''*
-^S Evening JOUENAL.|^^
"I cannot tiriltfW'Wv.|^Vmal'.')s:et
1 my the Ule 'tw*oid toTfe*."
of "The Jungle," was talking about a~
certain millionaire manufacturer.'
'The man is a cAixting
said Mr. Sinclair. .'fHe,/remindsi
of a Chicago restaurateur, that Ph^atd
about the other day. v",
This man greeted an old patron, one
evening with a troubled, countenance.
"What, is .the matter, Haash?' the
patron asked. You look blue
'What is the matter, Haash*' the
with good reason. Four guests dined
in a private room this evening. They
had champagne, .artichokes, duck, hot
house peas, the pick or everything, and
then, somehow, they managed to slip
out without paying,.'.
"The guest laughed easily.
'Oh, well,' he said, 'you are rich,
Haash. You can stand the loss.'
*'.'Ah,! said the restaurateur, *I am
not, worrying about myself,
my poor privateiroom..
with- five small children, for it
him that the loss ^If&&*>
\...-AN ATIA.CS. O N T?EB CLOTH:
governor Higgins of New York, dur
ing a discussion about church-going,
told a story of a quick-witted Scot.
I don't at all approve of this
Scot," be began, "but I think he had
a ready wit.
"His minister took him to task one
day because he never came to church,
golfing instead all* summer and curling
all winter long.
'Man, man,' themimster ended, 'it
ye dinna mend ye'11 land yersel' where
ye'11 no' be troubled in' sermons, lang
The Scot grunted.
'Weel, aiblins, so,' he said, 'but
i' for the want o' meenisters.'
A STRANGE AWAKENING
Senator Bailey of Texas, in describ
ing a terrific fight that he had once
seen on the streets of New York, said
that the hubbub and confusion remind
ed him of an episode that happened on
a train. ,_
"On a certain train," he said, a
very large, muscular man fell-asleep,
and annoyed all the passengers by snor
ing tremendously. A drummer, carry
ing half a lemon in his hand, tiptoed
over to a little boy who sat behind the
I ani a
Curios and Oddities
BALLOON LAW NEEDED
Two women wer,e. talking over their
tea in a 'voman's club.
'fThis balloon fadris all right," said
the first: I see that George Bernard
Shaw, Pinero, the Goulds, Harry Leh'r.
all sorts of celebrities,make occasional
ascensions. But aj^the same time
She made a gesture, of .repudiation
"At the same tilnJ3,'' said the other
woman, ''it's a risky business, eh?
Well, that is thfer|r,ut'h, My husband
went up in a balloon last week',vand
haven't spoken to
but a $i'5,0flp insurance?
NBSTS WEIGHING FIVE TONS
The largest birds' nests are to be
found in Australia. The Australian
jungle fowl", build for nests great
mounds, 15 feet in height and 125 or
150 feet in circumference. Grass, leaves
LOVE'S GOLDEN MEMOBY.
-How lonely it is now that everyone's goneI Do you remember
I:,ever forget it? We were with Harry and Jack.
Mabel (doubtfully)I had an idea it was Frank and Charlie. But who-
ever it was, I shall never, never forget them.London Sketch.
1 him since. What
right hajd he to risk his life like thatf
a $1,500/7ra^ ei'.":
paved. a,nd we live at
happened him, .^hSt,cwpittd then be
ccaherT&f jpsiej. with no$liiiig. in* ^e
married yiei^tiege.male is allpyred to
go up in a balloon, ^without the formal
consent, before -vrittjesses, of his wife.
:That is as it should be I am positive,
if the rballooning craze continues, that
some such law, 'wlrLbe adopted
'"It" should be,, '^'I'said the second
woman, "and if,i^'is, it will bar my.
husband .out, rest Assured.".
PLANTS THAT}TAKE PILLS
A very large and ^sturdy orange tree
was growing in a small pot.
"If that tree," said- the florist,
"didn't take'pais* it would require a
pot as big as a* Bathtub to grow in
But it takes pilte like a hypocondriac.
Chemists, agricultural experts,
make now plant pillspills ho: bigger
than chestnuts, that contain sustenance
for six monflhs, a land, of tabloid food.
These chemists analyze a plant's ash,
and make pills of the constituent salts.
The pills, enclosed in a metal cover, are
buried in the earth at the plant's roots
and. the salts gradually- dissolve and
diffuse thru the niet'al, giving the plants
day by day the sustenance that they re-
Pills are also applied to weak,
sickly plants, which they help wonder-
and other vegetable ^matter are used
in the construction of the nests, which
easily weigh a. ton.
The Australian bush turkeys, working
in eolonies, build pyramidal nests even
larger. One of these nests, on being
removed, filled iseven.carts, and its to
tal weight was five tons.
'/rln Vienna," said the first woman, of sea water yielded 2 cents worth of
f$hiey have a/iaw. that is needed here, gold, the expense of* extracting the gold
THE SEA'S GOLD
"The Curies extracted their radium
from pitchblende,'' said a scientist,'' and
there is much less radium in pitch
blende than there is gold in the sea^
Why, then, shouldn't the sea's inex
haustible gold supply be wrested from
A Baptist minister came near en
riching himself with an electrical pro
cess for drawing the gold from sea
water. He formed a company with a
capital of $50,000, and put up a plant
to deal with 40,000 tons of water a day,
expecting therefrom a weekly net profit
"But, unfortunately, tho every ton
was. a little over 2 cents for every ton.
Had. it been: a little underuntold
wealth. But it was a little over.
"We laugh at the idea of extracting
old from sea water, just as we'd have
aughed ten years ago at the idea of
extracting from pitchblende such a mar
velous substance as'radium but I am
sure the day will come when sea water
will yield up its radium in paying
quantities, an,d a few wise investors will
be unimaginably enriched.''
A LETTER FROM AFRICA
All the way from the west coast of
Africa a well-known professional au^
toniobilist received a letter the other
day from a young .native desirous of
learning the chauffeur's trade.
This amusing letter ran as follows:
"Sir: I implore myseif most re
spectfully by/holding my pen with
pleasure'to teach myself "arts of the
chauffeur (full course) beneath your3
instructions. I am humble to capitulate
myself a fit Candidate for an appren
tice beneath yours. Would such kind
ness bestowed upon .me neither pains,
dishonesty, disobedience not anything
displeasaht will be wanting on my side
to render my service faithfully and de
votedly. Trusting this will reveal a va
por on your worthy controllership with
more estimation under pour. sway than
oblige*-I have the honor to be, your
.f "S. S. M'Wanga."
In the number of his titles the duke
of Atholl, with twenty -three, holds the
..The"record beaii for costiliness is the
vanilla, which sells at $12 a pound re
The record for ham sandwich making
is li000: sandwiches in eleven hours and
The record loaging house is one for
pilgrims at Mecca, which, accommo
The record steam heating apparatus
cost $180,0^9. I is that which heats
the 11,000 rooms of the Vatican.
The record soprano voice was Lu
crezia Agujardi's. This lady, who died
in 1783, could .,easily strike. in altis
The reedrd for millionaire honesty
was held by the late Charles T. Yerkes,
who, on recovering his fortune after
his failure, repaid the claims of all his'
old creditors, with 6 per cent com
The record for letter deliveries is
daily made on the 750-mile route be
tween Paris and Berlin. Letters mailed
in Paris often reach Berlin in thirty
five minutes, and never in less than an
hour. .They are transmitted, of course,
DAISIES AND WAR
There were no daisies in the
said a southerner, till after
the civil' war. Now we have daisies in
profusion, and they are especially
abundant in the regions visited by the
"Sherman's-march to the sea can be
traced in the summer by a broad white
trail of daisies.
"How was the daisy seed brought
south? Undoubtedly it came in the
ha^/fthat was shipped from the north
for ^he horses' fodder."
THE BASEST AUTOGRAPH
rrShaKSpere's autograph is the rar-
est," said the dealer. ."There are only
seven in existence, and three of these
"The best ia in the British MuSeum,
in a translation of Montaigne. It cost
$15,000, and would -sell readily today
fot-$25,Q00. ,The two next best are in
conveyances of property. There are in
Shakspere's will, but two of these are
doubtful, and there!is a doubtful one
Committees and others interested in
getting for their church the largest
results for the least outlay should
Its distinctive features are
Remarkable Beauty of Tone.
Variety of Registration.
Compactness of Formal':
.PriceHalf that.of the regular
jpipe organ. i:]' Y"-
Illustrated Catalog and
Testimonials sent on request.'
We are showing at our store some
of the most popular styles.*- Prices
$400 $500 $700 Etc.
41^43 So, Sixth Strefet.
Fine, Pianos and Organs.
OF THE SEASON
Of the Fast Electric Gar
SIGHTSEER Leaving West Hotel 2:50 p. m.
40 Miles of Sceaery in 3J
Hoars for only 50 CENTS.
Make the Trip Before the
Week Is Over.
Don't Miss Our Un
usual Sale of
Alden & Keljik
10th and Nicollet Ave.
1 k?-'--'^}-:^''.M^TJ't^Hi'K^v^JS .t.b-i-ii't for
lENRiBRO^DYE HOUS E
:^s|:* .^i213'i7 -\He,r^epi^
Is endorsed by physicians
and the pure food special
ists as being absolutely pure
TR.Y IT ONCE
and you will appreciate its
The Minneapolis Milk Co.,
9th Ave. So. and 6th St.
For Street Wear"
WALK-OVER BUTTON SHOES,
On the new narrow
toe, the "Skeetoe,"
strap seams, heavy
soles, IJ-in. military
heels also blucher
lace pattern in same
62 other Styles for men$3.50,
$4.00 and ff.00.
GEO. M. KEITH
The "Walk-Over" Kan.
66 Fourth 8t. 8-
That means that the time has ar
rived for you to see that
line of hand-knit, hand-tailored out
side wear. For the ladiesthe
Nothing like itprices right. Maker
to wearer direct. If it's knit you'll
find it at
Off! NICOLLE AVE. Qlft
.All stocks are newly arrired
2 DAIL SALES: i^
A Japanese lady attendant
in the native costume.
ia pricalesa.. The wonderful delicacy of the
eye ia injured when aches and pains are
allowed to. go unheeded. Insure your eyes
against harm from strain and disease by a
pair of glasses carefully fitted by
De MARS, THE OPTICIAN
Third Floor, Evanstoo Building,
122 Sixth St. S.
ft. ZERMftH, Furrier,
23 6th St. So.. Bet. Nic. & Hen.
W. K. MOR.ISON O CO.,
247-249 Nicollet Ave.
Hardwar Cutlery, Tools, PainU, Athletic Good*, KitchenWar*, etc
Prises will be given
away every day.
Base Burners, 940 to $60.
Cole's Hot Blasts, $12 $16 $16 and up.
Atr Tights (wood) $1.75 $3.60 $5.00 up
Barter's OH Heaters, $4.00 $5.25 $5.75
OABHOBBAITFATMBHTB. TOUK OHOIOB.
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