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Effi f,f A String of* Good Stories .,_4_ Ml canno- fil hoVthe truth may bej say the tale as '*was told to me." THE LOGICAL qTOTJNG LADY i Sir Mortimejr Durnd,at a dinner at Lenox, said of, a certain unkind action: "It was a logical action. There was reason behind it. But to be simply logical and reasonable in our treatment of others is not enough. A certain amount of kindness, of unselfishness, must be thrown in, or otherwise we are cruel. ,_, T. J. 1 I heard of a reasonable but cruel youngj&dy the other day. A young man proposed to her and met with a flat reiec tion. He seemed hurt and offended, and "4ft this she expressed surprise.. 'But,' said the young man a low, reproachful voice, 'why did you encourage me if you didn't love me? 'Encourage you?' cried the young* lady. 'How did I encourage you?' 'The entire summer,' he replied, 'you accepted all my invitations to go automobrling.' 'Oh,' she answered, logically enough, 'that was not because I loved youit was because I loved automo biling.f "DESERVED HIS FATE Miss Marie Shedlock is famous for the invention of a new and delightful type of children's entertainment. Dressed as a fairy, Miss Shedlock re counts to children with delicacv and power the lovely tales of Hans 4nder- She keeps her wits about her in her entertainments, and children, no matter how odd their questions mav be, can never stump her. She is always ready with an apt reply. Entertaining a children's party at a certain millionaire's house In Mew York, Miss Shedlock happened to employ the old proverb, "The early bird catches the worm." A little boy questioned the proverb promptty. "But wasn't the worm foolish," he asked, "to get up early and be caught?" "My dear," said Miss Shedlock, "that worm hadn't been to bed at all. He was just getting home." SHORT MOURNING Eugene Higgins, at a dinner on his yacht Varuna," described a winter he had spent at Nice. "But the Nice beggars," he said, laughing. "The splendid, sundrenched Promenade des Anglais, with its ivorv white villas on one side and the blue Mediterranean on the other, is always haunted with these beggars. "One of them accosted me one morn ing as I came out of the Cerclo Medi terranee, the fashionable French club. 'Monsieur,' he said, *one little sou. for the love of heaven. My poor wife is starving.' 'Why, look here,' said I, 'onlylast week I gave vou some money to bury your wife, and now you tell me she is starving. How can that be?' 'But, monsieur,' said the beggar, I nave a new wife now.' A LITERARY CRITIC. A good story is told at the expense, of a well-known young clubman in Phila delphia, who is said to be possessed of an incurable, desire to make love to every attractive girl he meets. .This incorrigible was recently pre sented to an extremely handsome and talented young woman, towards whom he-, a^ onee exhibited the usual symp toms of capitulation. During the course of their first conversation the clubman Hhanced to observe: '*L understand that you're quite a literary person. Do you care for fic tiojaf'* "No," replied the young woman, who had received previous warning of* the propensity of the clubman "so please don't tell me that I'm the only girl you ever loved."Lippincotts. ?THursHay VOLUMES. Lady GushingtonSo your son is a real author! terestlngl And does he write for money? I"'F ,,^Practical DadYes. I get his applications about once a week.Punch. Evening, nF-*V WHAT WILL THE WINTEB BE?^ THE STOVEPIPE SIGN. A deposit of soot was observed, day before yesterday, on the north side of Henry Householder's face. This indicates that Henry is putting up stove- pipe or cleaning the furnace. Watch out for a long, pleasant Indian summer. A HUNDRED-TO-ONE SHOT At the racetrack in Oakland, Cal., during the early part of last season, n, a well-known jockey, was thrown and badly iniured. The doctors, in consultation, decided that an imme diate operation was necessary to save the boy's life. On being informed of this, the injured one asked what his chances were, and was told: "About one in ten if we operate." "And if you don't operate, Doc?" "Well, about one in a hundred." "Sort of in God's hands, ain't it?" "Why, certainly," admitted the sur prised M.D. A contented grin touched the jockey's pale lips and twinkled in his shrewd eyes. 'Well, sav, Doc, I guess I'd rather play a hundred-to-one shot with Him in the saddle than a ten-to-one with you fellows up. Just let her go, Doc." She went. The long shot won and is again riding winners at the old place.Lippincott 's. FAMILY TO CARE FOR Sallie, a negress, noted for being an excellent worker, was visited one day by one of her old employers. Her little shanty was very small, consist ing of three ro6ms. "Well, Sallie," began her caller. I have not seen you for many years, but I have come to ask you to do some housecleaning for me. Will you come tomorrow?" "Oh, no, missus," replied the other, I can't come any mo', I'se married an' has a large family. I can't come.'' "How many children have you, Sallie?" "Twelve, mum." "Where are they? I don't see any about." "Ya'sum. I have twelveeleven in heaven and one in de house of refuge." How distractingly in- Curios and Oddities COMPRESSIONS Tight collars cause short sight. The tall live longer than the short. The sale of the Bible averages 5,000,- 000 copies a year. Egvptologists say that there are still 3,000,000 mummies in Egvpt. Over 4,000,000 false teeth are manu factured annually the United States. The po&toffice has a profit of $15,000 a year thru unclaimed money orders. Peach stones sell in California for $6 a ton. They make as good fuel as coal. In Norway he who cuts down a tree must always plant three young troes in its place. Over 62,000 .American women culti vate fruit, anlong them being several of California's most successful fruit-grow ers. In one pound of coal there is enough coloring matter to dye 500 yards of flannel magenta, to dy 120 yards aurin, to dve 2,500 yards scarlet, and 255 yards Turkey-red. $i,oqo A WORD At the Franklin Inn, a literary club of Philadelphia, a young poet, licking his lips, said that Conan Doyle was paid $1 a word. "That is nothing," said one of"the Reading railroad's advertising men. I know of a case where a man was paid $1,000 a word. "Our^line used to have at its gra?|e crossings a very long and complicated sign that began, 'Beware of the En gine and Cars,' and then this sign went on with a lot of injunctions and warn ings that would have taken five minutes to read. "In a number of accident cases the claimants for damages declared that our long signs were not clear warnings. Therefore the line decided at last to get a new grade crossing sign and Judge Paxson was engaged to write one. /'The sign that Judge Paxson wrote cost $1,000 a word, but it was a classic. It remains a classic. It has been copied everywhere. It is as well known among us as 'Father, I cannot tell a lie,' or 'England expects every man to do his duty.' "But what was the sign?" the poet asked impatiently. "The sign that cost $1,000 a word, or $6,000 in all,'' said the railroad man, "was the famous 'Railroad Crossing Stop, Look and Listen.' THE LAW OF AVERAGES The average man is bald at 40. The average minister marries 1,000 couples. Glasses for old age are adopted, on the average, at 43. The average cat mother blesses the world with 100 kittens. The yearly sale of newspapers thru out the world averages 750,000 tons. The world's gold mines yield on an average $560,000 or 28,000 ounces of gold, a year. IN SEMBLANCE AT LEAS*. Once while we were journeying in England the guard put into our com partment a littie girl who was traveling alone. She was 8 years old and French, she told us in the animated conversa tion she at once entered upon, so un like tha demure little English child. I have let *my house in Paris," she said, "and come to live in England, where I like it very much. There is the loveliest old gentleman where I live nowoh, how I love him!" and she dramatically held her hand to her heart. I call him grandfather, my dear grandfather." "And is he a grandfather?" we queried. I do not know," she replied, "but he is made just like one."Lippin cotts. A QUESTION If a saint were sick and weary, In fact, were very ill, Would hisanimbus by?his 4 4*t-*u*jA-*'SV" -=$- sickness Becom imbecile WOULD WILLIAM HAVE DONE BETTER AT COLLEGE?? THE"MINNE^^bLIS JOtMNlJL.--0*0*?-*** That the girl in the big hatf still looked pretty even tho. she was chew ing gum shows how very pretty she was. There was a clelica'cv about her face which mutely warred with tho gum, to the interest of the spectator. "It's just awful," she, confided to the other girl with the big pompadour who had climbed to tho grip car seat beside her, "how Tillie goes_on! The way she has been actually flirting with that Jim Williams is enough to make one ashamed of her! I think it is just dreadful to try to lead a man on, don't you?" I should say so!" agreed the girl with the pompadour. "Nobody could ever accuse me df flirting! ain't got any use for these* fresh ones. You just ought to Hear my brother tell about ihero. He's dreadfully handsome, my brother is, and the girls make fools of themselves over him." "The idea!" said the pretty girl. "Fd have a little pride if I were in their shoes. There are enough men in the world ready to make doormats of themselves without a girl hanging around a fellow who doesn't care any thing about her." Confidences ''That's what mv brother savs," chimed in the pompadour one indig nantly. "Why don't the girls let him alone, he asks. Always waiting around and asking questions and giggling till he says it makes him 'most crazy. He "Any girl with sense can tell whether a man is interested in her or not," said the prettv girl disdainfully. "Of course, if he is she has some excuse for being civil. Some men are so shv. I believe I'll tell vou something. Aggie, if you won't breather it. There's a new man who thinks an awful lot of me. Oh, I know from the way he looks at me. But he is shv and I have to sort of encourage him. He's a clerk in a store near where I live and the minute I laid eves on him I could see he was just knocked speechless at the sight of me. Of course I don't want to be conceited, but that has happened before. I felt sorry for him." "How exciting!" said the girl with the pompadour. "You and my broth er ought to sympathize with each other, for he savs there's a girl who has the most dreadful fondness for him that he ever witnessed. Of course he doesn't care anything about her and she bothers him nearlv to death. But he's soft hearted, Bob is, and humors her, be cause he feels sorry for her. He can't help but know he's good looking.'' I can understand how he feels," said the pretty girl. "It's awful to realize that you are so fascinating when you don't want to be. This store I'm speaking of is three blocks out of my way, but I make a point of trading there because I know it makes him so $ $ COLDS $ 8 r\~tf_~ftiw* Pflai n happy. His face lights up when 'he sees me coming and it is all he can do to keep from rushing forward to meet me. I know, because he tries to pie tend he isn't in a hurry to wait on me. But I can see thru it. I always wait for him. It is little enough that I can do, and it pleases him, poor man, for, of course, 1 look higher than a mere clerk. I'm not like Tillie!" "Hob says," remarked the girl with the pompadour, driven to relating her brother's love affairs in lieu of her own, Ythat he want to run every 'time this girl comes in, but he makes a pretense of being glad to see her be cause he hates to hurt her feelings, even if she is such a goose. He tells me the things she says to him and, oh, myJ Talk about av "John, look me straight in the eye, and tell me you've not been drinking." "Be more explicit, m' dear. Which pertickler eye? Seems to me you've got more eyes 'n a potato!"Illustrated Bits. By Eleanor Morris. No sane person ever courts a cold, yet very often thru his imprudences he invites one, others in taking every pre caution to prevent them render them selves supersensitive and contract them more easily than the moderate^ pru dent, as the latter are usually people whose judgment protects them from in judiciously exposing themselves to the ordinary causes which produce colds. But a cold sometimes comes to every one from no one knows where, and its first stages render its victim most mis erable. Prominent among general causes of this derangement of the system is the imprudence of sitting, lying or stand ing in a draught or cool breeze when overheated by exercise, work or play. The perspiration is thus suddenly checked, the surface of the body cools too quickly, causing a congestion more or less dangerous and extending va riously from the membranous parts to the vital organs. Sleeping in cold, damp rooms or very warm ones in which there is no venti lation is a frequent source of colds. The bedrooms should be thoroly aired, the bed clothing light in weight and warm, and upon retiring, if there is but one window in the room have the upper sash lowered, and the lower sash raised. If the bed is so situated that the air blows directly on the sleeper, shield the bed with a screen. Pure air in a sleeping room is as necessary to health as food. If there is no ventila tion the lungs breathe over and over poisoned air and'the whole system be comes charged with it and susceptible to various diseases, especially colds. grandstand, play to win a reluctant man! Why, it's fierce.. He says she hasn't an ounce of sense!" "Isn't it odd that a girl can be so foolish?" marvelled the pretty one. "Let's get off at this cornerit's his storeand come in while I buy some stamps. I want you to see him. Don't act as tho you had heard of him, for I wouldn't embarrass the poor fel low for the world by having him think I advertised his craze over me. Just notice the way he looks at me." A good-looking clerk advanced to meet them, and at sight of the girl with the pompadour looked amazed. "Why, hello!" she cried, likewise amazed. "Is this where you work? It's time I looked you up! The pretty girl was the most aston ished of the three. "Whywhatdo you know him?" she asked. The girl with the pompadour regard ed her friend with a new and vivid in terest. "He's my brother that I've been telling you about," she said. Chicago News'. THE DEMAND FOR LABOR It was formerly the eustom of a pa permill in Massachusetts to pay the workers semi-monthly and, the opera tives having found the practice some what inconvenient from their stand point," it Was decided to send a dele gate to the head of the firm to state their grievance. An Irishman, rather well-known for his sagacity and per suasive powers, was selected for the task. He duly waited on the "boss," who said: "Well, Michael, what can I do for you?" "If ye plase, sor," said Mike, "I'v been smt as a diligate by the workers to ask a favor of ye regardin' the pay mint of our wages." "What do they want?" Sor, it is the desire of mesilf an' of ivery other man in the^ establishmint that we resayve our semi-monthly pay every week." A cold is often brought on by eat ing a hearty meal at night, becoming mentally absorbed for a couple of hours afterward and then retiring in a warm unventilated room. The food has not been properly digested, the temperature is raised by the exertions of the stomach, the slumber is fitful and restless, the warm air of the room cools, you wake in the morning chilled with a cold that makes you irritable and possibly sick. Had you eaten lightly, laid aside your cares, taken a brisk walk of a half mile,, then retired in a properly ventilated room the morn ing would have been another story. The list of occasions on which a per son is liable to take cold is long, but if the general precautions of keeping out of draughts and never under any cir cumstances allowing the body to cool off quickly when overheated, are ob served then there will be no need of adopting heroic measures to overcome the results of imprudence. It is sure ly easier to keep out of a draught, or lay aside a heavy wrap or overcoat in a warm room, or put on a pair of rub bers when the weather demands, or call judgment to the rescue when danger is imminent, than to bear the tortures in flicted by a disregard of common sense and submit to the measures that must be taken to master the consequences of such* folly. HIS MOST ACCURATE FEIT. COUNTEE- The genial Mark Twain complains that he has a most surprising number i of "doubles." Only the other day a gentleman wrote to him from Florida, saying that he had been taken so often for Mr. Clemens that he thought it a matter of duty to send his photograph to .the real original. The likeness, as shown by the pic ture, was certainly remarkableso much so, indeed, ^hat Mark sat down and wrote th,e followifag reply: "My Dear Sir. I thank you very much for your letter and the photo graph. In my opinion, you are cer tainly more like me than any other of my doubles. In fact, I am sure that if you stood before me in a mSrrorless frame, I could shave by you." TO THE WOMEN: This bank is calQiilated to be of special convenience to the women, a place where they can come and feel at home. We welcome small transactions and gladly explain mitteis of busi ness whenever called upon to do *o. Their business with us is already large and steadily in creasing. If you are not now a patron, then please consider this an invitation to become one. Capital $100,000 Surplus 100,000 Deposits 1,450,00ft. GENERAL BANKING. Three per cent interest com pounded quarterly, paid on time deposits. Plymoutnl^^ashirtgtp^y. N. F. A. Gross, president, Charles Gluek, vice president J. M. Griffith, second vice president G. E. Stegner, cashier G. P. Huhn, assistant cashier. For Her==For Him== For Them. Just a way of saying that the needs of the family in knitwear are best met at Ye Knitwear Shop Special showings of Enitcotes, Blouses and Housewear this waekhand knit and hand tallored-DIFFERENT. Maker to wearerevery item special quality guaranteedsatisfaction and service assured at 15 South Seventh St MAYFLOWER MANDOLINS ARE THE BEST- ON EARTH. CATALOG FB.EE EXPERT REPAIRING When you want a musical instrument, go to one who knowsthat's ROSE i USED TO IT On a railroad train the other day, a man slowly came to his senses after a long slumber. Conductor why didn't yoa wake me up, as I asked youf Here I am miles beyond my station." I did try, sir, but the best I could do, all I could get from you was, 'All right, Maria: get the children their breakfast and I'll be downina min ute. ''Lippincotts,.^* 41-43 S. Sixth St. Successor to Met Musie Co. Small Inst. Dept Jl Palais Royale 623-625 Nicollet 1 ne Ideal Shoppln Place Catoa College 253 2nd Av. So.,Cltr. Xstt&lished 20 yeats^ 8000, graduates Business. Shorthand, TfeTaphic, Eng*Hsh.f Normal courses, day and erenina*. Circulars Freo^i J.T. CATOM. PnSr Made up articles such as Pil lows, Cushions, Upholstered Goods, etc., we clean without taking apart. This means a great saving to you as well as satisfaction. Be sure to telephone for our wagon to call for your work. Promptness and courteous at tention by all drivers. Buy direct from us and save Middle men's Profit. All goods guaranteed. Special price inducements this week in Ladies' and Gentlemen's Pur Lined Coats and detachable collars. Attend to your repairs now. Pur repairing is a specialty of ours at reasonable prices. GOLD The Furrier, Cor. Seventh St. and Hennepin, LAST WEEK OF THE SEASON Of the Fast Electric Car SIGHTSEER Leaving Wejit Hotel 2:50 p. m. 40 Miles of Sceaery in 3& Hoa*^f only 50 CENTS. Make tfp Trip Before the ru,* W^ekhOver.