Newspaper Page Text
m THE SALT LAKE TRIBUNE, SUNDAY MOttlNINCf, FEBRUARY IS, 1012.
f Pictures by Albert Levering I, U Fable of tke Ian Who Was Poti on to Take Advantage :a Good Tiling, tlicrc wis a prosperous Manufncturcr who had made Ms Sialic by hamllmg an .day Commodity afc a small n of Profit. , Morning the RcprcsoHta ff a large Concern dealing jrantced Securities came in Mm some gilt-edged Mn- jUpal Bonds that would net a lit under 5 per cent. lH have to look into the silion very carefully," said Investor. ;is lic-'lilted himsclC k in Ms jointed Chair. "1 Jilliavc the History of all pre LboucI Issues under the samo Sspiccs. Also the Report of an sperl os to possible Shrinkage lscls. Any Investment; should (preceded by a systematic and ranch investigation." pi Sarins n'clhercd himself of f . fcSiiriicd Iv.litorial he dismissed ( Howl .Sidesman and wen I: Kk lo his Morning .Mail. mik nexl caller wore a bruad Kbrcro, lcallicr Leggings and Bill Cody Goatee, also the Hair Km over the cellar. lie looked Bif lie had jusl escaped-from a. Wicint' Show. A TJ or lowering KCurtiiiiis lie produced from a Bi(r I'ondi a "listening N'ug WiidiheJiad found in a loncly Vncar Death Valley. cartful Business Guy began Wiiver like an Aspen and Hf 10.000 shares at $2 a Share personal Guarantee that, it jU So to Par before Scplem- ORAUlt all depends on the lie Produced From a Leather Pouch a Glistening Nugget Which He Had Found in a Lonely Gulch Near Death Valley. ! Tke New Fable of tlie M ormng on WkicL He Snuld Have Overslept. ONE Morning A Precinct Parasite owing Allegiance to a. Political Party of Pro gressive Principles went around to I lie dingy office of a Fuel Sup ply Co. to pull off the customary Fake Primary. lie was met at the Door by a broad-fneed Lady of benevolent .Alien and black Ribbons on her Nose-til asses, who told him Id9 use the Mat and not track up the Place. "What is the Idea?" asked the alcoholic Henchman, looking vain ly about for Bottle-Nose Curlcy, Miko Ui 3 Pike, and Smitty the Dip, who always had been his Associates in the sacred Task of registering the 'Will of the People. Instead of the old familiar strong-arm Phalanx he saw a Bevy of plump Joans "who were hanging Chintz Curtains, arrang ing a neat design of Sweet Peas around the Ballot; Box and getting ready to fire up a Samovar. When he glanced into the Poll ing Booth and saw that it; -was draped with Doilies he nearly had a Hemorrhage. "This is the Glad Day you have heard so much about," replied Laura Ghivington Cadbury, dis playing her dainty Badge, -which showed that she was a Judge. "You will be expected to wear Gray Gloves with a Morning Coal and put a Gardenia in your ha pel. As the 'Voters arrive you will softly inquire their Names and make sure that each is given either a Macaroon or an Olive." That evening when they sorted the Votes and decided to throw out nil that wore Soiled and folded Improperly he was over in a corner making out a list of Guests for the wailing Reporters. MOKAL Hqunl Suffrage will have a demoralizing effect on on' of the principal Sexes. The New Fable of tke Young Fellow Had N Father to vjuidc Him. ON CMC there was a. I3uy who had been fold twice a Day ever since ho could reinem hor that if he started lo go into one of those Doggeries' with swinging- Doors in front and Mir rors along I lie fcujc, a Blue .blame would shoot out aud burn him to a Cinder. Also he had been warned that every Playing Card in the whole Deck was a Complimentary Ticket admitting one to a Hot Griddle in the main Parquet of the Fiery Furnace. And every little Paper Cigar was another Spike in the Burial Gasket. With seven or eight Guardians trailing him Day and Night to keep him away from the Lures of the Wicked World it looked like a Pipe that he would grow up to be the Dean of a Theological Seminary. Across the Street lived a poor unfortunate Lad whose Father was making the futile Endeavor to take it away faster than the Revenue Officers could put ! Stamps on it. He was the original He Hunted Up Oiw Aged 21 and Broke tho Glad News to Her. Blotter. When they were trying to pry him away from it lie would take a chance on anything from Arnica to Extract of Vanilla. According to all the Laws of Heredity the only Son was cast for the Part of Joe Morgan. He is now the Head of a Mail Order House. When he 'sees a Corkscrew he pulls his Hat firmly over his Ears and runs a Mile. The Graduate of the Lecture Bureau may be found in a swag ger Club any evening with a Bourbon H. B. at his Right, a stack of Student Lamps at his "Left and Two Small Pair pressed closely agaiust his Bosom. MORAL The modern Ambi tion seems to be to vary the Programme. The New Fable of the Dancing Man Who Wore Out His Pumps and His Rating. ONCE there was a Porch Rat, who was also a Parlor Snake and a Hammock Hound. He worked the popular Free Lunch Routes for thirty years before de ciding to hook up and begin pay ing for his own Food and Drink. When he started flittiug from Bud to Debutante to ingenue to Fawn to Broiler to Kiddykadee back in .1SS0 he was a famous Beau with skin-tight Trousers, a white Puff Tie run through a Gold Ring and a Hat lined with White Satin, the same as a Child's Coffin. ' In 1800 he was parting his Hair jH in the M iridic, in imitation of a fl good Bird Dog, and had been H promoted to Ihc Veteran Corps of the iron-legged Dancing Men and flM the insatiable Diners-Out. Ho jD would cat on his Friends about Ijrol six Nights in each Week. and re- nfl pay them every Christmas by Wm sending a Card showing a Frozen. II Stream in the Foreground and ll lOvergreen Trees beyond. fljflj In .1000 ho was beginning -to sit out some of tho Numbers. Also, when he got into his Evening Wm Togs, his general Coutour sug- MB gested that possibly lie had just: H swallowed a full-sized Water- Wm melon without slicing it up. But flB he was still dohnny-answer-lhc- 19 bell when it came to Dinner Par- H In 19.10 he carried a little Ba?- fl loon under each Five and walked mM as if he had Gravel in his Shoes. H He was still trying to be Gaino, IB although he had a different kind 1H of Digestive Tablet in each jH Pocket and would rather tackle iH Bridge than the Bam Dance. H The Path was becoming Lonely IB and the whispering Trees seemed WM tall and forbidding. Hn decided IH to whistle for a Companion. Tho IH Dear Girls had been dogging him 1M for three Decades and he decided HB to let one of them have her Wish MB He hunted up one aged 24 and IB broke the Glad News to her and IB she told him not; to rattle his IB Crutches over the Mosaic Floor IB as he went out the Front Way. H He is now living at a Club or- DB ganized as a Home for Men who flH have Gone Wrong. fl When he pushes the Button the H Bell-Hops match to see who wilt IH MORAL There is an age ffl Limit, even for Men, jfflB (Copyrighted. .191.2. by George -Ade.) jgH lolonel John B. Colton Recounts Thrilling Death Valley Trip in the Days of '49 II MUailv BcpHblican-Kcffislcr or V Oalubuis, in., C0Illuilie(1 in Us M of Monday of last week . aCf0uut of a reunion cole .ftawn m that city bv Colonel K,,,on' honor of the 'May MZ ,,und of sold seek ei s who Wl !y '" IS'10 for California. WTl of 'c lr, contains fro K cccs io happcuinas in Salt. ihTL"10 slop I,mlc herc Mtsonsiniho prig teTn f GalMburr, Mrs. W3.Sl'f; left Galcshnra Ca f,or.l,,o PoW "elds lrai0 ' .I'wdetl over the tU alory of Ihc ni j I'y in crossing fJdi J," r?. "ovcral of the Slwite iaSlfiT.crin f 10,11 r-C,,y. hev I' ?rr,v:i1 5n Salt flMftM tt aRa,,lst laI:'ff the the tePrible J,c.tvi!oVoSVra,lor' 0b" E .l1 Salt 1 - - rnnon lSVf thc inn, 1 J10, Py there mWd General M C tllc cst pre- iHf mai dtr'ct- 1 after Jmmi lhe til! i! HJ f:,lt ! Jii!iiip truck. less waste, never before trod hy white men. with barely enough food to sub sist upon and dependent upon occa sional brackish alkali pools for water. "The piirty, it was believed, bad been plentifully provisioned, but 'is the journey wore on, fho food "bcrainc ox hausted. and for fifty-two days they Lraveled on, with no other nourishment than the starved oxen, whose flesh af forded out small sustenance and "vas not at all palatable. Two members of tho party, unable to staud the priva tions, dropped by the waysido and gave up the stnijrcdc. A third, an nnkrjovrn Frenchman, crazed by thirst, wandered away from the party and was lost. 1 fWihen it became apparent that, tho en-, y The Awakening By Ella Wheeler Wilcox. rpilliV are waiving, waking, waking, In the Bast and in the West; They arc throwing wide (heir windows to the sun, , And they see the da.wn is breaking , . v And they quiver with unrest; For Uiov know their Avork is waiting to be doiiu- , " ' i They arc waking m the city. O -K s They arc waking on the farm ; ' r ' 1 They arc waking in the boudoir and the mill. , .; . And their hearts are full of pily ' . . 0; " As they sound the loud alarm. -.1'.v,;;: . ..For the sleepers who in darkness slumber stilK V ' ' In the guarded harem prison, 'v' Where thev smother under veils. ' v And all echoes of! the world arc walled away. ' Though the sun has not yet risen, ; ' V;' , Yet the ancient darkness, pales, ' ' : Aj'h'I the sleepers in their slumber dream of dny;v.: '; And their dream shall grow in splendor, r Till each sleeper wakes and stirs:' ' ' V-"' Till she breaks from old traditions and is Itcc." ' ."; ,.' :V And the Avorld shall rise and render vf:'j.;,.-. ,;'.! Unlo woman what is hers. ' vM-'.- vv ' :A"s it; heralds in the i'i:o that is to be. . . Jfy'r 1 ' J-' , ; ,iv.. , . Unto woman Clod, the lakor, 't'lt '' Gave Ihc secret ol: his plan : ,r . .s;h--. It; is written out in cipher on her soul. ' . ;' From the darkness you must lake 'her- To the light of day, oh Man. Would you know the mighty meaning of the scroll, durance of oven tho stoutest of them was at the breaking point, the party stumbled upon the headwaters of the Rio Santa. Clara. Here, a fourth mem ber of the band, after bcinsr refreshed with water, laid down in the sleep which knows no awakening. "On February Colonel Colton aud Tom Shannon, slightly in advance of the party, suddenly camp upon a fertile .The Chinese Mind BY GARRETT P. SERVISS. A republic in China! What a shock U Is to those who have never thought of the land oC the dragon fl;i;? as other than the abode of a .swarming' pl-tallod, bloiiso-hHKged, ucri'-cyed. lemon -.skinned iuc vege lalincr in an opium dream, and con tentedly following the: dogged cur rent of u flvlll.iitloii which was il rcadv supcraiinusilpd when Cloopa tra Moated flown the Cydmis In hr.r perfumed hnrge to riddle tho Urmiati armor with the purple-plumed arrows of Cupid. Wo Americans. In oui hroeicv. wes tern way. arc .-ipt lo Ihink that the republican idea was horn Icssj thiin 20ii yciirs ago on This new continent. Hut SOU years before Christ Confu cius wrolr in his "Hook of History": "The neoplc should he cherished," And should not he downtrodden. - The people are the root or it eoun . t ry. And If tho root Is linn the country will he (rumiull." Wo are apt to llilnl; Unit Ihc. nioml slreuglh. of family llf nml love Is an Aii-do-Saxou devcloptnonl. Hut ' lonu' before tlx- Christian crn n Chin ese, poet put into ilw mouth of a. doaorted wife ili.isc Iuoh (I'rofcssur OHe.s'j translation): "Ah. hn ml in liaml to face old sigc! luateud. I turn a hitler page. O for lh( river bunks of yoi: 0 for the mindi-lnvcd nniifihy shoi'cf Tiic hours of girlhood. , with my hair I'ligalhercd as we lingered there. The wordss wo J.poke. thut seemed so true. T little Uiotiplil that I should rue; , I little thought the vowh we swore Wnuld Honu' day bind us two no more. ' Wo me npt to a.-jcmiue that tin.- pe rennial spirit of Joy In In'tclloetunl (hin I? the peculiar possession of 1 Ik? while, weslcsrii rac-s lau Jislcn - to the wordr. of aiiolhcr ancient poel nf old Chlnn: .' "A nehohir Jives on yonder hill, 1 1 in clothes are rarely wholi: lo vlev.-; ,' Xiim tlnieK a month he eats his till: Oueo hi ton years Ids hat Irf new. A wreti-iu'd lot!--iiiuI yet the whilu ' lie ever we.n'fl a sunny jonlio." Wo nro ft fit in Hatter ourxevi:n dial true- sentiment i fomid only In our own soiiIp. Hut long ago a. Chinese pool tlniH dewerihed thu i-everio of a girl who, pitying hnr doad dnwrx, tenderly buried ihom In the garden: "Kji.rov.-cll. de;ir floworn. forever now, TluiH hurled as 'twas heat. I ha.v not yet dMncd when 1 With you shall sink (o rest. See how lun Spring begins lo fall vaWcv where thousands of cattle were peacefully grazing under the care of a vaqucrros. and in the distanco through the hills gleamed th0 tile roofs of the San J'Vancisquito ranch." Colonel Colton relates to the Gales burg paper an incident connected with it visit paid him bv .Jim Bridgcr during his stay in Salt Lake City, as follows: At that time there was consider- Ji-aeh opening flowrcl faxlcs; ho, too, there Is a timo of ago And death for beauteous maids. I-or whori ihc tlcctlng Spring is gone, And days of beaut v o'er, I' lowers fall and lovely maidens die, And both are known no more." We arc npt to think that, the sav ing grace of humor was reserved for U"L see what the Chinese poet, I.I Chla-mlng, wrote In mocking flat tery of a Afanehu prinuo who. while Jishlng with his courtiers, failed lo get a. bite, alt hough everybody else made a good catch: " 'TIs rapture In the warm spring days to drop tho tempting lly In the green pool,, whore deop and sllll the darkling waters He; And If the tishea dare not touch the ball your highness llings, They know that only dragons are :t titling sport for kings.'. After all, these yellow people have souls, and brains, and wit. and love of freedom, and brotherhood, and family ties, and aspirations, and a rich land stuffed with treasures. They are thinkers, m.holars, poets: and why should not they. too. catch the inspiration and cherish the idea of republican liberty? Thev have fought for It many times In the past. Why In this brighter ge, when Its sunshine Is spreading over the earth, should they not aehlevn It. cheered by a welcoming smile from Us mlghly goddess, soaled on her golden throne between the oceans'.' A pieco of fjanucl dampened with ' Chamberlain's Liniment and bound on to tlic:iffc.c.tcd parts is superior to any plaster. When troubled with lamo back or pains in the side or chest, give it a ""trial and you tiro certain to be more than pleased with tho prompt relief which it affords, Sold by ail deulers. J The Trials of a Traveler. ' "i am a raveling salesman." writes K. 10. Vounys, K. Berkshire, Vt.. "and wtis oftt'n Ironb'od with constipation and indiuesl ion till 1 began to nso Dr. King's New 1ife I'ills. which I have found an excellent remedy. I'or all stomach, lier or kidiuvy troubles they are unequalcd. Only 2,1 cents n't Schrainin-.Iohnson, Drugs, "The iNcvor Suiistitittors," Ilvo (C) good stores. Baiting Powder- able enmity between Bridg-cr and Kng ham Young. Bridget- had a large trade with the Indians aud hold the 'bip hand over the Mormons who wanted to secure his trade. At one time Brigham sent, word down jo Bridgcr to stop his tradiujr or he would come down and clean him out. Bridgcr sent word back that if Young didn't keep ht.s mouth shut ho would be down and visit SiH Tjako himself with a bund of "bis fol lowers. When he came he told me he was cointr to sec Yottug before he left and T told him he had better stay away and avoid trouble. On the d:iy he lctt me, however, he declared his intention of going down. Tc rode to Young's house together and when we arrived there wo brushed by ,Uo guard at the gate and shouted to Young to come out. Ho came and after speaking to me he stood and glared at Bridgcr. 'Brigham gjfl said the scout, 'I .iust made n trip down j jflfl hero to tell you that you couldn't scare fnl me.' And with this Bridger turned and j jjjflj rode away and I never saw him again j HH until I was one of the party to exhume 3 gjfl his remains and place them beneath :i 19 nionumont to his honor in -Tsft. Wash- I Mm iugton cemetery in Kansas City." j KB Colonel Colton was last, in Salt Lake j Wm about three years ago. While here he j H was the guest of Bcnner X. Smith, j KB whose father, Arthur A. Smith ot Gales- OH burg, was a close friend of Colton. Air. j Smith said that during Colonel Colton 'p j IB. visit he showed him about the city and BjjM several of the older landmarks were BH recognized bv him. He said ho consid- 1 8H cred the statute of Brigham Young, at 1 MB the corner of Alain and South Temple 7 ffUH streets, to be a perfect likeness. ftSI "feHl CURED ME OF Islj .fi RHEUMATISM 1 IW"""' Writ. WASHIBOTOH HtSTK, Cok, Ohio. Jj-g MR. BEST ICR, writes: "I used tho trial bottle of "S-DROPS" and it helped mo so .1 c much that. I purchased a dollar hottlo from a druggist in Glllosplc'vlUe. and haTe used f'ifl over half of It- When I trot your "5-CROPS" I was on crutches; now I enn iralk aDd TBj ' have been plowing corn for two weeks. I have walked ten miles In half a day, and not !';rar i feel tired. S-DROPS" is tho boat remedy I have ever used. I havo recommended it to v;h Qvc different parties who are suffering with Rheumatism, and It Is curing Ihom.'' 1 4h ' I A. Effective Reliable Remedy I r Those who are suffering tho terrible tortures and agony caused Ii j Rheumatism will fsf find rjulolc relief by tho use of "S-DROPS." It is the one remedy that will almost to- ;?1fPi i Bluntly relieve those excruciating pains caused by this most dreaded of all diseases. bj ! Apply "S-DROPS" externally. Rub thoroughly on the nffllctcd'acnlntf parts and it will G JB stop tho pain in a very short tliuo. ; si t Toke "S-DROPS" internally. To effect, a euro it is necessary to cleanse the blood ol H uric acid and othor poisonous matter and put tho sjstora in purfcotly healthy condl- . JiqE E tlon. When this has been done you will bo free from all raouroatlo palus. GET A BOTTLE OF S WACOM'S "5-DROPS" T0DIY Mi Ifyou are suffering with Rheumatism, Neuralgia, KHney Trouble, 8 La Grippe, Colds, Coughs, umbagt, Sciatica, (Pout, Asthma, S Catarrh, Neuralglo Headache or other kindred diseases. ffl 1 Zpm?' "'S-DROPS" fa crjmtyfrem of nplun. cocatna, alcohol, "MS .WHS laudanum and other mlmllar .'ngpcdlmnta. mtk tiKv H 1 i Q?9Mn' A trial hottlo ..dl be ma'ledfrco or charge to every IDlS I 6iwa r ) b in a reader of this pi sr u on request. Write today. tcSTI I Largo SIzo Bottle (300 Dooes) Sf.OO. For Sale h Druggists. i-me 1 Aok Your Druggist for the "SWANSON PILL," a Curs ibr Constipatlor. Price J5c, I 5pB I SWAHSOH BHEUMATIC CUBE COWCDept. 43) 174 Lake St CHICAGO For Sale by SCHRAMM-JOHNSON, DRUGS, Five Good Stores t