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THE SALT LAKE TRIBUNE, SUNDAY MORNING, MARCH 24, 1912. Mv.
- . If IiyTp TrnT 1?Y Thf Discovery OfThet -4 ' lJIK South Poi-By "Takin off all but eight pairs iv pants we started on our dash to th' pole' JjfS ft T ELL, sir," said iIr. Hennessy, "it's W a &ranc tWB to tliink that both V th' south an' th' north poles was H: discovered in our lifetime." Ir? "It must be very eomfortin' to ye," said f -l Mr. Dooley. "1 can't think iv annything that 'f ought to give a man more pleasure- afther he ; ;- is dead thin to know that he was alive whin ';; the poles were found to be where nearly ivry l wan always knew they were. I don't get as much injymint out iv it as ye do. I ain't sur prised. Fifty years ago in a jography in Ire ; land I read about th' south pole, an' iver since $ thin I've knowed where it was an' about what r it looked like. If Cap Amundsen had come E to me I wud've told him an' made no charge. As it is, th' foolish man has been gone fr'm home i:?r more thin a year without a shave or a clean shirt; -to his back, an' he don't know , auuy more thin I larned whin I was hardly knee high. So whin he comes back an' says 'Hooray, th' south pole is still there, an' sur r rounded be ice,' all I can say is, '-I knew it j ''Mind ye, I say nawthin' again him. If he c wudden't lake me wurrud f'r it he did me a - kind iv a sarvice be goin' out an' provin' that 1 I was r-Vight. Not that I need, corrobyration, j d'ye mind,, fr'm anny Norwegyan that iver j skeed. but 'tis a comfort to know thai it took 'j him wan year on th' ice to find out what I cud've told him without movin' out iv a ' rockin' chair.. "An' annyhow 'twas a gr-rand thing f'r science, Hogan tells me. It added, he says, to ' th' store iv human knowledge. A quare place that same store is, an' I'd hate to be th' store keeper an' wait on custymers who cudden't 1 find what they needed to match what they j knew already or wudden't know how to use I what I sold thim. Sometimes it looks like a ' goold mine an' sometimes whin I'm low in me , mind like a back yard where ivrybody throws what ain't a.nny value to annywan. Be that as.it may.. Hogan says it's been a gr-rand thing f'r civvylization. "What's it clone, says- ye? - Let me see. Well, in th' first place it's r ; goin' to make it aiser f'r th' weather prophet to tell which way th' wind '11 blow tomorrah. 'Tis his idee that all th' winds comes fr'm th' h " He can run ahead iv th' wind to th1 H tillygraft office," south pole, an' if he has a man down near there he can watch a wind startin' an' run ahead iv it to th' tillygraft office so's to let th' wurruld know what kind iv a blast to expect. It don't seem raisonable to mo, f'r th' way I figure it out is that all winds .fr'm th' south pole must be south winds an' all winds fr'm th' north polo must be north winds an' 'tis ouV whin the' bump that ye get th' other kind. But I may be wrong. "Another thing that th' Cap done was to give stately Norwegyan names to all th' scenery he run into. 'On October fifth,' lie says, 'we spied a magnificent mountain range towerin' manny thousands iv feet to'rds th' heavens. This sublime monnymint iv nature had gone all these years without a name. I made up me mind to give it a monnicker that was worthy iv it, so I called it th' Ole Oleson range afther a frind iv mine in Christj'ansen. ' So now a jography iv th' ann-artic regions, Hiunissy, will look like a map iv Minnesoty. But the biggest thing he done I've saved f'r th' last. Afther thravlin' thousands iv miles over ice an' snow, climbin' mountains an' bat tlin' with th' tempest, he reports that he took observations with th' theobylite, th' arty ficyal. horizon, th' fryin' pan, an' th' appy tite an' discovered that a dog is good to eat. Dogs discovered this about me long ago, but 1 niver suspicted that whin wan iv these frinds iv man took me be th' leg I cud bite him back without indygistion. To tell ye th' thruth, aven now that I know, nawthin' looks less like supper to mo thin me little Carlo. But I'm wrong. An' fr'm now on whin I hear ye whistle f'r Fido I won't know whether ye're afTictionate or ou'y hungry, an' whin I hear ye sa.y, 'Down Fido, down,' I'll be afraid to look. "Have ye r-read what th' Cap wrote about his th ravels? I'll say this about him that he may be a gr-reat explorer but he's a poor writer. Faith, to r-read his story 'twas as aisy to discover th' south pole as though it'd been brought into th' house to him. He made no more throuble about it thin ye wud about walkin' in th' park. He disappinted me. If a man's a hero lave him be th' first to say so. How can I get up anny enthusyasm over a fel low that didn't suffer anny more all the time he was away thin I wild if I kicked off th' blanket in me sleep? Nawthin' happened to him at all. " M was ordhered south be me doctors,' he says, 'to escape th' discomforts iv a spring in Norway. In April we enthered th' ann-artic regions. Th' weather was delightfully crisp an' sparklin', with just enough cold to keep us movin'. Th' timphrachoor niver fell under four hundherd degrees below zero. Th' skee ing was injy'ble an' frequent falls iv snow niver more thin sixty or siventy feet deep made th' sleighin' excellent. In August we had brisk weather, but along in October th' spring came with a rush, all nature was awake, an' th' timphrachoor rose to ninety de grees below zero. We found th' change a lit tle relaxin' at first, but be takin' off all -but eight pairs iv pants an' siventeen la3rers iv undherclothes we were comfortable, an' we started on our dash f'r th' pole. It was thin we found out what a frind man. has in th' dog. Along about November first we noticed that Towser was weary with his labors an' we et him. Good old Carlo wint next. An' on Christmas day th' always cheerful Fido. I can not speak too highly of these cherishetf frinds ayether,' he says, 'as common carryers or,' he says, 'biled,' Th' weather at this time had a sthrange effect on th' dogs. Whiniver they see th' cook blowin' ou th' fire they be gun to howl, and wan day whin I attimpted to pal little Rover th' threacherous beast bit me an' run away. On Febry foorteenth I oh sarved that iv'ry time I took a step I was goin' north. I thought at first I was out iv me head, thin it occurred to me that we must be at'th' south pole. So I marked it an' come home. I have on'y to put down me scientific discov'ries: " 'ICE Wc found a practie'lly onlimitcd supply iv durable ice iv good quality. " 'SNOW We were onable to bring back anny samples iv ann-artic snow, but in a gin'ral way it can be described as snow. " ' VIGYTATION Thraces iv canned vigy tables were discovered in our soup fr'm time to time. " 'POPYLATION Ourselves at th' pole. Cap Scott north iv us. " 'FAUNA Wanst we thought we see a bur-rd. ' ' ' C4IN 'RAL OBS ARYATIONS Wc 're here first annyhow. Thank hivens, wc bate th' Englishman.' "Now what kind iv a story is that f'r me to dig up five cents f'r iv a Sundali mornin'? I cud've wrote th' same mcsilf f'r half th' money. An' here's ivrybody cheerin' f'r Cap Amundsen an' nobody sayin' a kind wurrud f'r me old frind th' Dock, who discovered th' north pole without lavin' the house. Sup pose the Dock had dhrearaed he discovered th ' south pole, thin ye 'd have something in th ' pa apers that wud be worth talkin' about. 'At this pint we encounthered a flock iv zebras that I thrained to take th' place iv our tired dogs. At latytude eighty-six forty we dis covered a range iv mountains three hundherd thousand feet high covered with petrified pink azalyas an' infested with prehistoric mon sthers, wan iv which, a Bazarnalooka, or, as it is pou'larly known, th' Hickthura, I captured be iraitatin' th' love call iv th' mate. This sthrange crather measured forty yards fr'm wing tip to wing tip, an', onlike other monsthers iv this region which carry their young spiked on th' dorsal fin, wheels thim in a kind iv pramby later made iv th' hide iv th' Wappah. T soon made frinds iv me captive an' taught her to sing in a conthralto voice, but she took a strange dislike to me Eskymo company ons, an' whin she had eaten four iv th' most prom'nent Republicans iv Upernavik I found it nicissry to desthroy her. Before doin' so I carefully preserved an' stuffed th' body, which I left behind with me observa tions. I have th' check fr'm th' baggage room somewheres an' will be very glad to show it to anny larned s'ciety if I can find it. On De cember sixth somethiu' told me I was within sthrikin' distance iv th' pole. It may have been mesilf. Annyhow, I determined on an early start. Breakfast was har'Jy out iv th' way whin we begun our pearlous advance. Our sufforius fr'm that time on wurruds can harly describe. In Novimber we run out iv sponge cake an' live' iv our party deserted. Ou top iv this calamity we wore sthricken with an epydimic iv snuffles, th' most tur-ible iv artic plagues. On Thanksgivin' day our hands were so chapped I cud harly carve th' turkey. In Poughkipsy I took an obsarvation iv th' timprachoor be blowin' me breath on th' wiu dow pane. It was three hundherd and eight degrees below zero. But did I flinch? On con sultiu' me note book f'r this date I find that I did not. I knew th' coveted goal was in sight. An' so, on th' thirty-first iv Febry, worn out, famished, with wan overshoe gone, half blind with waitin' be th' dim light, mc eyes rested on th' lemon grove that surrounds th' south pole.' "That's th' kind iv a way I want me ex plorations wrote up, not like an account iv a voyage in a hammock. It takes some imagyna tion to make th' ann-artic regions looks iu threstin' to me. No one that iver describes thim just as they ar-re will have people hidin' his book so th' rest iv th' fam'ly can't steal it. No. sir. An' th' raison is that th' on'y thing that's ra-aly inthrestin' to man is th' impy dint little scoundhrel himself. Ye can't tell him annything about scenery onless somebody Jives in it. A mountain's a mountain an' that's all it is. He don't pay anny attintion to it onless somewan thries to climb' it. Th' on'y thing about a desert that's inthrestin' to him is the little places where a man can get a d brink. Tf a fellow sets down to tell a story about goin' through th' jungle an' starts in to tell about th' threes ye go to sleep till a three falls on him or ho sees some animal or bur-rd, an' thin ye like to hear most about th' bur-rds or animals that will bite a man. Th' on'y snakes that ar-re iv anny inthrest ar-re thim that are pizenous to th' human race. Be hivens, it made me head ache to read about thim big cakes iv ice with ne'er a sign iv life in sight. Id've been glad if he'd run acrost annything livin' aven if it was a boa con sthrietor. An' if he'd said he sec an Eskymo an' I can't think iv anny human bein' that ex cites me Jess thin an Eskjnno I'd start up an' say: 'Did ye thin? An' what was he like? An' what, did he say? . An' what did he ate? An' what sort iv a lookin' woman was his wife?' But as th' on'y thing I'll remimber about this here expydition is that they see a bur-rd wanst, I'll be wondhrin aboiijpon bur-rd." title '"Twas a grand thing to do," said Mr?-'1, nessv. ' "I'll find no fault with ye f'r sayin V aot said Mr. Dooley. "An' what diff'rencj ifr ft it make if no wan is anny betther off -j tf, Cap goin' there? It ain't always th' '. that ar-re th' most use in th' wurruld ,Kie 1 ar-re th' most worth doin'. If it wagNim:ana us wudden't do annything but set aroiibJiK th lack. Aven th' fellows that ar-re sayin y; good does artic expyditions do? Thenl1 market f'r th' ice whin it's found,' ar-fl! to think there's nawthin' on th' face.jni globe that annywan has heerd iv thai bluff out this here little sawed off runtWei Man. Ye don't have to promise him thing. All ye have to say to him, 'Th80 "a place where no man has iver been,' antfjr give a yell iv 'Well, here goes wan man,i m ti how,' and off he goes, an' if he fails' t k a thousand to take his place." PP "It looks to me," said Mr. Hennessy there was nawthin' left to explore." ;$ "There's plenty," said Mr. Dooley. afro I'm explorin' all th' time. There's wai P I've' sailed around a millyon times an ( me life in me hands thryin' to map out,"1 J I know is what it looks like at a distand i8 "An' what's that?" asked Mr. HennJ "It's name," said Mr. Dooley. "fi'fcsa nissy." 1 (Copyright, 1912, by Pinley Pater Duai 3JN ti "I captured a Bazarnalooka be imitatin' th love call iv th' matl?