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A'l 4: THE WASHINGTON HERALD. FRIDAX MARCH 22. 1912. THE WASHINGTON HERALD Publiahed Eim Morohu; la tie Year Tor THE WASHINGTON HERALD COMPANY. PDBL1CAT10N OFFICE: 1322 NEW YORK AVENUE, N, W. Enteral at the post-cOce, at WMnitnn. D. C ta aecood-claas man matter. Telephone Ham SOO. (filnte Branch. Eirhanse.) " SDBSCKKTIO.V RATES BY. CARRIER: Dally and Sunday............ 5 renta per month Dauy and Bandar................ ......CO per year Dailr, withoot Bandar- -'3 cent per laooth SUBSCRIPTION BATES by MAIL: Dillj and Sunday.. .............. C centj per month Dally and Sunday.............:.. .& per year Dally., -without Bcnday............3 cents per "month Daily, withoot Sender........ .i...a.CO reraeer Sunday, without dally. ...............CM per Tear Ko attention win be pats to anonymous contributions, and no communications to the editor wltt be printed except over the name of the vrlter. Manuscripts offered for publication tnfll be returned if unavailable, but stamps should be tent vrtth the manuscript for that purpose. A.U communication! Mended for this newspaper, whether for the dally or the Sunday issue, should be addressed te THE WASHINGTON HERALD. New Tort -Brpnnentathe, J C. WILBERDINO SPECIAL AGENCY. Bnmiwick BuDdir. Chicago BerreaestatlTr, A. R. KEATOB. T Hartford Building FRIDAY. MARCH . Wli Industrial Relations. There is a timeliness in the hearing which ts to occur befoa: the House Committee on Labor to-day upon the propoMtion to create a commission on industrial relations. It is true that dur ing the past few years c have had a surfeit of commissions, but in this par ticular instance there is a foundation of necessity. , The only cloud upon the American horizon to-day is the possibility of se rious differences between labor and its emplovers. The future may bring a struggle which will result in wide spread financial lo:s and much distress to humanity. The proposition now be fore Congress is that there shall be created a commission which shall in quire into the general condition of la bur the relations existing betwecii era plrer;, and employes, into methods which hate been adopted in any State or in foreign countries for maintaining mutually satisfactory relations between the two classes, and to discover and point out, if possible, the underlying causes of dissatisfaction in the indus trial situation. Not only this, but it is proposed that there shall be an effort to ascertain the effect of industrial con ditions upon 'the public welfare and the rights and power:, of the com munity to deal therewith. Such an inquiry, intelligent!) and im partial!) conducted, would be of great alue It is certain that we have-not reached the acme of intelligent govern ment while we lack some method to protect the people as a whole from the disastrous consequences of industrial dispute-.. Public sentiment is already beginning to regard war as brutal and unnecessary and conflicts between la bor and capital, -with all their attendant i'ii. ought to be relegated into an un educated and unenlightened past Presidential Advertisers. gatn we invite attention to the in telligence displajed by the numerous Presidential apirants in utilizing the newspapers to advance their ambitions. Thcv know the aluc of advertising. From every bureau in this city there are issued dailv statements which sing the praises of the candidates, present facts relating to the progress of the campaign, explain apparently adverse conditions and glorify the victories which irm have been achieved. The campaign managers realize that this in formation, ff it remains hidden upon their desks, is absolutely valueless. It must reach the public promptly. Every line which gets into the newspapers has its effect There is a moral in this for the mer. chant Thousands upon thousands of people, for instance, read The Wash ington Herald every morning, and the merchant who follows the plan adopted b) the Presidential boomers must nec esanl) reap results. The goods upon the shelves arc like the facts lying on the desk. The public must know about them before they can be made effective. The Presidential candidate plays the publicity game. The merchant, to be successful, must do likewise. Fidelity Rewarded. ( It is an interesting story which has been made public by the Pcnns)lvania Railroad. A passenger train conductor is to be retired after fifty years of ac tive service, begun as a brakeman upon a freight train. During all- these years the employe has never had a serious ac cident, las never had a passenger se riously injured or killed, has never been fined or suspended, has never been reported by a passenger, and has never been the cause of a lawsuit No won der that he points to his record with pardonable pride. Equally certain is it that the corporation for which he has labored so long and so well be stows upon him with genuine satisfac tion his well-earned pension. It is to be remembered that this story, so indicative of fidelity and trust worthiness, might be repeated thou- sands of times if publicity could be given to all similar records. There are men occupying lowly positions in every walk of life who are actuated by the same sense of duty and who, without hope of additional .reward and almost without recognition, perform their duty faithfully and well. They are ac tuated by a conscientiousness that is "worthy of highest, regard. And, with especial reference to Washington, there are in this city thousands of dtiks nho have given to the government-a-lifetirae of honest, industrious, and- Intelligent service. They" are entitled' to ai inuch recogni tion and reward'in, their old age as the conductorvho .retires upon a pension from the, employ' 1of the 'Pennsylvania Railroad. , - , Jhath on the Mines, (. The, tragic story wThicb, comes from Oklahoma adds another chapter to the; many which deal with the clanger of working in the mines. Statistics show that the American miner runs far greater risk of death 'than men sim ilarly employed in any -other country, a fact which ought to make us, as a na tion, feel thoroughly ashamed. It is true that the government ,is making some progress toward securing a larger degTee of safety for these workers, but it is evident that we are still a long way from reducing danger to a minimum. The trouble in the United States is that we are too inconsiderate of human life. The number' of accidents which occur through carelessness is abso lutely appalling. Homicides arc en tirely too frequent. As a nation, we have taken it for granted that the toll of death must be paid, no matter how large it may become. As a matter of fact, thousands of lives could be an nually saved by the exercise of greater care, and especially is this true in the management of the mines. There is no branch of the government which to-day deserves a larger degree of support than the one which is endeavoring to minimize the danger of death to the underground workers. The country is so large that the sad scenes enacted around the entrance to the mine in Oklahoma create only a ripple of sympathetic sentiment in a community a thousand miles away. This is inevitable, in a certain sense; and yet The Washington Herald cm- pliasizcs this latest tragedy in the hope that Congress will appreciate the ne cessity of more rigid governmental in- pection of the mines and the enact ment o'f laws which will, in the largest possible measure, prolong the lies of those who arc compelled to earn their daily living in subterranean work. Undesirable Immigrants. . Coincident with the assertion that the foundation of the plot to murder King Victor Emmanuel may have been laid in Chicago comes Senator Root's propo sition to amend the immigration laws so as to keep out of this country all persons connected with any effort to overthrow a government with which the United States is on friendly terms. While it is stated that this measure has direct reference to the Mexican revolutionists who are finding safe har bor in this country, the principle which is enunciated is one that Congress may adopt with wisdom. The American' people do not want this nation to become a refuge for the lawless, the anarchistic, the foes of organized society. They will wel come with open arms the immigrant who comes heje to better his condition. who proposes to obey law and to main tain himself with decent conduct Our population now largely consists of men from foreign lands who have become most desirable citizens. They have by their industry and frugality added wealth to the republic as well as to themselves. As farmers, artisans, mer chants, and professional men they have achieved success. They are not only welcome, but they are necessary to our national development But as for those who take advantage of the American love of liberty to ad vance their murderous and destructive purposes, their name should be anath ema. Not only are they not wanted, but if they manage to come within our borders, there ought to be some way of swiftly deporting them. They are a blot upon civilization and have no part or parcel with the American people. TABLOID THOUGHTS. Prom the Boston Herald. Now that winter is over, the tariff board cotton report Is -right in style. Prom tie Clrrrland Leader. Those peace- treaties now look as though they had been through a peace Danquei. Front the Columbia State. A magazine declares that "nothing can ever thrust La Follette into obscurity." Ob, wo do not know. He might be made Vice President From the Boston Herald. If it were not for the English labor troubles Kins George might become an other Taft for traveL From the Bottan Herald. A housewives' free list Is to be intro duced into the House of Representatives. Discounting suffrage? From tbe Clereland Flaln Dealer. Of course, if a shining- example is needed, there is ex-President Diaz, who had it for eight terms and might not have refused another. Prom the Ohio State Journal. The defeated candidate in a Republi can primary need not despair, as he can always explain that the wicked Demo crats got out and voted. From the Gereland rlaln Dealer. It is said that China may adopt the single tax system. This should be emi nently pleasing to that uncounted multi tude of Chinamen whoso sole earthly possessions consist of a one-piece busi ness suit and a handful of rice. Not Too Enthnslaatlc. From Youth' Companion. Pindy was an elder in the church and a really pious man. He had an eye for beauty and a. love of It. but he married Tina because be knew she would make him an excellent wife. T. suppose Tina Is a handsome iHrl " raid Sandy's cousin, who met him in Glasgow not long after the marriage, and ntc never seen tne bride. "I ken ye ve gude taste, Sandy?" "Awel. said the bridegroom, cautiously, "he's the Lord's handiwork. Tammas. I'm no' prepared to say the Is His maa- terplece-, i 14 ai iii: ca v A LITTLE NONSENSE. VtHE VEHJfAX LIST. - . v BudS, . Duds, Whitewash and suds; Vans, - Cans, . ' 'Loud-rooting fans; Bees, . l Peas, Sunshine and freeze; .Pills, - . BUUV Fever and chills; Spring. Brine All of. your string! Uncle Pennr.lae Saysi We're In the movement to beautify Plunkvtlle. My daughter has painted a spray of flowers orr our ash barret Chief End of Trnte-1. "We can stop off at Milan for an hour." 'Can't ee much In an hour!" 'I only want to set a local label pasted on my trunk." Fall of Thrills. "Was tho play exciting?" "Oh, very! The management had en gaged two leading ladles, andtliere was a constant struggle for the center of the stage. ' Mnrtjh -- in lllatorj. March C 1771 George III Invents apple dumplings. March 2. 175S Boswell and Dr. John son are refused credit for one drink of sack. A dark day. "o Telllnir. Will early blossoms dot the lea And birdies sing? Or will the season merely bo An alroost-sprlng. . . A Mild Splarsr. "Wife, if business continues good "I can have a spring hat; can't I?" "I was going to say that we would get little Willie an Easter egg." Drew m Crowd. "I once woke up, if not to find myself famous, at least to find myself attracting considerable attention." "How was that?" "I had fallen asleep on a hotel veran da with my mouth wide open." Itathrr Kmrtlnar. "My present patient," . said the pretty nurse, "is a peevish, old millionaire." "Never mind. He may ask you to marry him." "Yes: he may. He has about run out of other requests." OF INTEREST TO VJMEN. From the Blrmlnrham Ace-Herald. It begins to look as If Helen Gould would have to take hold of the family fortune In order to save it from becom ing a wreck. From the Ohio State Journal. After the prominent educator who ad- vocates teaching girls to flirt gets this reform well under way, he probably will start a movement to teach ducks to swim. From the Ohio State Jonrnai Things certainly are unevenly dis tributed in this old vale of tears. Here's a grand opera singer who never travels with les than seventy-nvo shirts, and mere s poor alary aarden: From tho Chicago Record-Herald. "When J. Plerpont Morgan met Una Cavallerl the other dsy he asked her how she preserved her outh, but she refused to tell him, saying sho had learned not to trust her secrets with any man. If Una had an Idea that Mr. Morgan would run to the newspapers witn the story, somebody must have de ceived her concerning his habits. From the Chicago Rec-ord-IIertld. Parisian dressmakers have invented a skirt which is more startling than any thing the ladles Have hitherto adopted. It contains a slit which extends above the knee, and is to be worn with stock ings made of silken network, with extra large meshes. We can't believe that such a costume will meet with general approval If we are to continue to have old-fashioned winters. SPBING, BEAUTIFUL SPBING! From the Baltimore KUr. Straw hat will soon replace the atranr ballot. From tbe Baltimore Star. We are on the ragged edge of winter to-day also of our overcoats. From the New Britain Herald. That noise you hear Is merely the sound of, dozens of ball players "round ing to mldscason form." From tho Detroit Free rresa. Harry Thaw Is making another effort to get out of Mattcawan. This is getting to bo one of the real harbingers of spring. Mnn of HI Model Poat-oDIre Clerk. From the Chleapi Tribose. James G. Kerr, oldest " postal em ploye in the United States, handed bis resignation to Postmaster Campbell yesterday after sixty-two years con tinuous service. Kerr Is eighty-four years old. He ts known as tho "model clerk" of the de partment. He entered the service at Painesville. Ohio, in 1850. He has -not been absent a day since, not even on a holiday. His record shows he has never received a reprimand. He be can work in Chleatro In 1KS3. iru m. Ignatlon will take effect on March 1. He will go to a brother', homo in Painesville. Ohio. There is no system whereby the gov. eminent can pension such an employe. A movement for special legislation to apply to Kerrs case has been started. IlrproTlne TMchnrd III. From the New York Erenlnj Son. John Drew tells this story of Forrest. the great tragedian: Forrest was Flaying in "Richard HI. and the part of Catesby had to be taken by a low comedian, who sauntered on the stage at the wrong moment and uttered the famous words, "My !ord, the Duke of Buckingham is taken," In the wrong place. Forrest clenched his fists. In rage, but otherwise took no notice of the remark. Later on tbe comedian repeated the words In the right place, and when the King expressed surprise at the news Catesby folded his arms, walked boldly down the stage and remarked to the great actor in loud tones: "I told you to before, ilr. Forrest, but you wouidn t Deneve me. Ilnral Financier. From Harper! TVeealr. Boggs had managed to ditch his car; and after hailing a passing farmer tried to arrange a dicker for help. "Why, ya'as, brother," said the farm er, bringing his team to a standstill- "I'll help ye out- Le's see what ItTs ferae to one day's use o the team, five dollars " , 'One dayJ" retorted Boggs. "'Tlsn't going to'rtake you a day to haul that machine out. is it?" , Why.- no," .returned the farmer, "but art er ! git theHvo dollars I don't callate to do no more work unta to-mcrrer."- FOREIGN GOSSIP. An Iriterestlnj study of (he longevity of royalty and other celebrities results In some curious revelations, concerning the age of kings and .trie-manner In which they have shortened "their lives by t-overeatlng: ' 1 '" The average longevity of tbe kingsof France, for Instance, -from 'about ttra year $00 down to our own, time," Is less man nrty-two years. Nor, "for thatmat ter, lias the lot at the. rulers' of Britain been much better. For from William- the Conqueror to Edward VU only two kings have celebrated their sixtieth birth day, and only George J II and Queen Vic toria became octogenarians. But I dare .say that it U not the bur den of royalty and Its- duties which shortens the lives joY kings. Overindul gence, overeating above all, has had an Influence on the. health and duration At the life of monarchs which appears far too evident to be .-denied. Henry I of England died because he did too ample Justice to a dish of lampreys. Edward VI died as the result of long-continued overeating, while Henry VIII spent most of his time at the tabic and was killed a' the age of fifty-six. by his last orgy. Louis XIV. Louis XVI. and Louis XVIII -erc veritable ogres as far as eating was concerned. The first named. at one sitting, used to devour four kinds of soup and two or three helpings of several roast courses, including an en tire chicken or pheasant. He also tast ed every entree, and at nights needs must have an extra meal of various kinds of game and meat. Among the modern sovereigns who have- slown themselves partial 'to good things to eat are Edward VII of Eng land. Emperor Franz Josef of Austria. Kaiser Wllhelm. the present Czar. Nich olas II. and Victor Emmanuel II. Bnt they are "gourmets, not "gourmands.' meaning they are men liking quality, but not quantity. Not so with ex-King Milan of Servla. whose table resembled that of Sardanapalus. and the ill-fated Carlos of Portugal with his Immoderate love of English roast beef. From what one reads Wilhelmlna, the present Queen of the Netherlands, also is a great admirer of too bountiful meals. As an Illustration of what modern kings cat. hero Is a list of foodstuffs which the late King Edward ate In one day: Breakfast at 0 a. m., consisting of eggs. cold meat, and toasted bread. A plenti ful lunch at : o'clock, consisting of four courses. Tea and cakes at 5 o'clock. Light supper at 7, consisting of cold meats. Plentiful supper at midnight, con sisting of numerous courses, side dishes and champagne. Alfonso of Spain either Inherits a ro bust appetite from his gluttonous ances tor. Louli XIV. or. together with his young Queen, suffers under the tyranny of a cast-iron, health-destroying etiquette. Thli Is what the monarch is suonosed to consume In a single day? S a. m. Tea. chocolate or coffee, biscuit, toast, cold meat 11 a. m., or noon, lunch oup. two entrees, roatt vegetables. desert 4 p rh. Tea. cakes, sandwiches. Spanish nines. 7 p. m. Formal dinner. at which several courses always arc pre sented, and at which some of the court dignitaries mint attend. It consists of two soups, two entrees, two releves. roasts, vegetables. Ices, cheese, dessert, fruit, wines, and champagne. 9.3) p. m. lea. coia meats, wine, pastry And quite often late at midnight still another meal.. In the Elizabethan era heroic break fasts were the order of the day An early sixteenth century manuscript, found at Alnwick Castle, names the breakfast menus for the noble Percy fam ily, as follows: "For my lord and lady during Lent, a ioar or oread In trenchers, two manchets, a quart of beer, a quart of wine, two rleces of salt fish, six baconn'd herrlmr. four white herring, or a dish of sprats. Breakfast for the nursery, for my Lady Margaret and Master Ingeram Percy, a manchf t. a quart of beer, a dish of butter, a piece of salt fish, a dish of sprats, and three white herrlnE." At ordinary times my lord and lady break fasted at a. m on half a chine of mut ton or a china of boiled be-f, with -the same amount of bread and liquids as n Lent, and the nursery consumed a msnehet. a quart of beer, and three mut ton bones, boiled. In connection with the " above said about the kings of civilization. It, may be of Interest to leam how a "savage" king lives, what he eats, and what his dally routine Is. In the country now known as Banyoro, In Uganda, when once a king Is enthroned his person becomes sa cred and his food was restricted to milk and beef from a sacred herd of cows. When the boy whose duty It was to call the sacred animals, took them to pas ture, he uttered a shrill cry to warn peo ple that they must not come near. At his approach men and women fled Into tho tall jungle grass and covered their heads. No person was permitted to see the king drink his milk, not even his many wives. At night he dined off beef from on of the sacred bulls, and the cook, after purifying himself with clay, placed the meat on the end of a prong and put it into the Kings mouth. It was, of course, necessary to exercise great care not to touch the royal teeth, for It con stituted a criminal offense to aa so. The King of Banyoro never, allowed himself to grow old. When age or seri ous Illness overtook him and he felt that his end was near, be called a council, ar ranged his affairs of state with the prin cipal chiefs, returned home and drank a cup of poison. As long as possible "hi death was kept secret. Each day the milk and beef were brought to) the royal residence- and In quirers were- Informed that the kins was Testing,.' vben once the news leaked out. however, the sons of the dead king fought among themselves, brother kill ing brother, the survivor becoming kins and attending his father's funeral. At this ceremony several of the widows of the late king, as well as his cowmen and cook, were clubbed to death. His other widows preferred to take poison. AH the bodies were placed In the grave with him, the belief being that then- ghosts should minister to the ghost of their King in the next world, just as here In the world below. Costume balls have become very popu lar in London and several are being or ganized. Covent Garden was chosen for tho Artists' Revels last night, and the de ferred Thackeray ball ts now definitely fixed for the evening of April 23. A fea ture of this entertainment will be a mid night procession In which the principal characters In "Pendennis," "Vanity Fair," "Thei Newcomes," "The Vir ginians," and "The Book of Snobs" will be represented. Lady Paget is the mov ing spirit in arranging the ball ot "A Hundred Years Ago." the object of which Is to raise funds for the Incorporated Soldiers and Sailors' -Help Society. The ball Is to take place at the Albert Hall on June & Lady Paget has undertaken a quadrille of generals of 1S12. and Lady Markham is organizing the naval quad rille. The drama of a century ago will be represented by a bevy ot beautiful actresses under tbe supervision of .Lady Tree, while Lady Cowdray will show In her quadrille how sportsmen looked 100 years ago. whether at coif, cricket, hunt ing, fishing, riding, or coaching. ho fewer than twelve bans, slated for the month of. May by members of tbe best -society, are to take place at the Rltz, the hostesses Including Lady St. Audrlece, Lady Barrymore, Lady Mostyn, Mrs. Harry Lawson, Lady Crossley. Mrs. Charles Trotter, Mrs. 3ewlck-Copley, and others. . Flaneur. (CcwrUht, no, to- Court. Gossip 8jadlcita. OPEHIKG, THTfRTi CALAIS. Panama, Erie, anil Cape Cod "Water ways Aearlnc Completion. From the Chrlatian Science Manlier. It Is among the Interesting probabilities that New York's great barge canal and the Panama Canal will be formally open ed In the same year. ' The Panama Canal, according to present Indications, will be ready for business -earlier than 1915, but the time that Is gained will be employed In getting the canal into as nearly per fect Working order as possible before Its formal Inauguration. Both undertakings have now reached the point where the question of.' their .operation has become one of immediate. Importance. CoL Goe thals, .chief, engineer of tbe Panama Canal, Is on a- visit of Inspection In Europe In this .connection. Before his return he will hare examined Into the systems followed! in the operation of the great canals of the Old World- In May next the members of the New Tork canal commission wiu go anroaa on a similar mission.. New machinery has made possible the completion of the New York canal a year earner than was expected. Canal building has now Detii reduced to a point where skilled operators of machinery are even .more necessary than workers with the pick, shovel, and wheelbarrow, al though the latter cannot as yet be wholly dispensed with. Tbe barge canal, of course, hss been overshadowed by the stupendous enterprise on the Isthmus, but It nevertheless stands out as one of the greatest undertakings of Its kind. up to tbe present time the total disburse ments on account of the Chicago drain age canal have been something less than !70,0CO.jo.- the cost of the barge canal, not counting tbe original experroiture upon the waterways covered by that name, will certainly be over 1100,000.000 and may reach 113,000,000. Added to this, eventually, must be the cost of branch canals and terminals. The Cape Cod Canal. It was thought for a time, might be completed before the close of the present year. This work Is developing possibilities, how ever, that while Increasing its useful ness may delay Its completion tor a year or two. There Is a growing; sen timent In favor of Its enlargement. Assuming- that the plans be changed, it Is also within the Interesting- probabili ties that this work will be formally opened In the famous year of 19 IB. Of the three enterprises mentioned that on Cape Cod Is tbe smallest, and most modest, but In Its way It promises to be relatively as useful as either of the others, and eventually It is destined to form a link In a waterway system of greater magnitude. If not greater Im portance, than the other two combined. PBEHISTOBIC MOSqUnOES. Larvae Are In Iloelf Called 00,000, OOO Years Old. From tho Indianapolis Neva. If the dispatches from "Washington are true, the government has a semi-official message from the world of 00.000,000 ear Hgo. Assistant Secretary of State Adee received a curious prehistoric de posit from Brazil, and, In chemically analyzing It. found two minute larvae Inside the rock. He was so astounded that he sent the embryonic animals to the Agricultural Department. Under sclen- titlc development the larvae produced two magnificent mosquitoes. It la too bad that this was not wholly covered by established official Investigation, for Mr. Adee, after all. Is not a government chemist, though a chemical expert. How ever, the authority covering the case seems good, and it will go to strength en tho assertions made by workers In stone quarries from time to time that they happen, in splitting tbe living rock, on toads or frogs living In a state of suspended animation. There have been several such discover ies in Indiana a most notable one fif teen years ago In the stone quarries near Logansport. It was true that the toad In thl case, as In some others, was shown, but It lokcd like any other toad. Though in sorao Instances the little her metically sealed cells in which such liv ing things have ueen held, for nobody knows how long, have been shown, the stories have been generally discredited, or It has been Insisted that there was some mistake. , The Smithsonian Institution has, how ever, taken up the Investigation of the prehistoric mosquitoes. Its experts de clare that the rock in which they were found Is not less than 60,000,000 years old, and It possibly may have been formed 200,000,000 years ago. If these mosqui toes and the frogs or toads caught in the formation process of stone now far underlying the , surface of the earth are finally accepted, we have a far more elo quent message from the ages of the earth's formation than is found In the mute tracVry of ferns and fishes in the strata It Is declared that the mosqui toes That developed brought with them the song that we know. They were yel low fever mosquitoes, "Just like the ones found In Central America to-day, have known that the mosquito was very old. for In Egyptian excavations they have been found In honey of 4,000 years ago. A IITTEE ABOUT WOMEN. "From the Detroit Free FreK. woman gave a Maine roallroad con ductor V. tor returning J10.000 to her that she has lost Evidently her motto is that honesty Is Its own reward. From the Detroit Free rreia. A Pittsburg- man has gone to court because his wife has hidden his false teeth. We don't blame him for feellne down in the mouth. From the Kr Britain Herald. The reason for Dr. Mary "Walker's pre mature departure from a hospital Is out. They tried to make her wear a lace frilled night gown and she struck for pajamas. From the Xev Harm Rrgiater, A couple, each of whom was seventy four years old, and had been married be fore were wedded recently In Boston. One would think, both were old enough to know better. Old Ithlno Has Bolls.. From the New Tork Son. Smiles, the old two-horned rhinoceros In the Central Park menagerie, has de veloped a crop of bolls alongside her back and become very peevish In consequence. Head Keeper Billy Snyder decided to do what he could for her. and prepared a mixture of neatsfoot oil, lampblack, and liniment to rub on her skis. The old rhino threatened to gore the head keeper and his assistant when they were about to enter her stall, so they roped and tied ber and then massaged her and rubbed in the mixture. Smiles has taken a great Interest In Daisy, a fox terrier that hss made her home In the rhino's stall, and occupies a corner with four puppies. The big animal has taken care not to hurt tho babies. A Valuable Servant. From the Saa Fraaeifco 8tar. Jones had just run over to see If Mr. and Mrs. Blank -would go to the theater with them. Mrs. Blank, was sorry! but unfortunately Blank was out. Probably he was at the club. She would telephone. Tlie following conversation ensued: Halloa! Is this the club? Is my husband there? Halloa! Not there? Sure? WclL all right then: but hold on. How do you know? I haven't even told my name." "There ain't nobody husband here never." was tbe wise attendant's reply. THE BANDWAGON, y GEORGE FITCH Author of "At Good Old Si wash" According to the dictionary, a band wagon is a large vehicle In which a band may be confined and hauled rapidly away from an arnlcted pqputace. But the American people have a "habit of tak ing small and unimportant words and enlarging them, until they convey -great ideas, and the wprd "bandwagon" is now a whole political sermon In itself. A bandwagon, according . to its en larged meaning. Is a venicle wmch is proceeding toward "success, and into which vast numbers of eager patriots will climb as soon as they can read the destination on Its sign board. Bandwagons ire propelled, by majori ties, and sometimes travel tor years without any passengers. There ts noth ing to lonesome aa a bandwagon, which Is struggling through the mud and sand, far from Its destination. And there is nothing so suffocatingly crowded as a bandwagon while it rolls grandly down the last long; slope Into the blissful land of political success, where all passen gers are assured of good and comfortable lodgings next to tbe plum orcAard. Bandwagon signs ore often misleading, however, and cause great woe. Frequent ly, a bandwagon, whose sign says it Is bound for success, will turn off the road unexpectedly and prcreed toward Salt Creek, with horrifying rapRUty, while Its terror-stricken passengers leap for the ground with shrieks ot alarm, and chase some other wagon down the right road. There is no false modesty about the bandwagon passenger, however, and aa soon as he catches up with the right wagon, he mounts nimbly 40 tbe driver's seat, if possible, and attempts to grab the whip. Some political leaders are so inde pendent that they will not ride on a bandwagon, but prefer to march on foot. However, as they near success, band wagons are harnessed to them, and they STATESMEN, REAL AND NEAR. Bv FRED As be was walking from the office building to the Capitol a few mornings agot Representative Ben Johnson, of Kentucky, was approached by an entire stranger who sought to negotiate a small loan for the purpose, as he declared, of buying coffee and sandwiches. No." says Johnson. "I can t do it for the simple reason that I have a fixed rule against buying food for an able- bodied man, amply able to earn money himself. "Of course." went on Johnson, "if a man were to come along who had been drinking more than he should have, and needed one or two drinks to steady his nerves until be could get on his feet again tn a caso like that I shouldn't hes itate at all to give a man a quarter." As a matter ot fact," said the strang er, brightening up, "that is exactly the situation here, and I'll appreciate Quarter a lot." WelL ' resumed Johnson, "the only difficulty is that I have another rule a rule, I might add. that I never yet have broken which provides that when ever a man asks me for money to buy food, and I learn that he has lied to me and In reality wants the money for some other purpose, I don't "give It to him." Representative Humphreys, of Missis sippi, used to be a "drummer." and sold whisky and cigars throughout his dis trict, but never drank or smoked, and this made such an Impression on the peo ple that later on when he ran for Con gress nobody else had much chance. A colored shoe shiner at a hotel bar bershop here had been after Representa tive Steenerson. of Minnesota, one of bis customers, to get him some kind of a government job. He said he had a broth er In Pittsburg who held a political Job that paid him welL His Impression was that his brother made something like JO.M0 a year. What does your brother doT asked Steenerson. Don't know Just exactly what his duties are." replied the boy, "but he's been appointed what they call a ward heeler.' Representative Swltxer. of Ohio, prob ably Is the only man In Congress who can go back Just qne generation In his fam ily and touch the eighteenth century. Sn ltzers father who was sixty-six years of age when tbe present Congressman came along, was bom In 1737. Representative Sherwood, of Toledo, author of the dollar-a-day pension bill, used to run a little hick newspaper back In Ohio known, as the Williams County a man who expressed himself rather frankly, even In those days, he took occasion In one. Issue to publish this paragraph about one of his fellow- townsmen: "Wo don't accuse him fsl being chicken thief, but knowing him as we do. If we were a rooster, we would take the precaution, whenever he Is around, to roost high." The man referred to. read It over and managed to find some Innuendo that annoyed him and he walked Into Sherwood's office with the Intention of maiming and crippling the editor, and stopping his subscription to tbe paper. By beating the visitor to the punch. Sherwood succeeded In knocking the man's head against the corner of a table and stunning him, even before he had ordered his paper stopped. Then with a few dexterous movements, Sherwood threw the caller back on the fiat bed of his old-fashioned Washington hand press, which still held tho form ot the week's Issue, and he printed a copy ot the editorial page, slanderous paragraph and all. on the man's back. The "vexed subscriber gathered himself together and walked up the street, ad vertising the Williams County Gazette as be went, and Sherwood's subscription list grew where It bad not crown be fore. Here's whero w e nail down another little tale of strange coincidence. Representative Richard Bart hold t, of ROYAL BAKING POWDER Absolutely Pare The only Baking Powder made from Royal Grape Cream ofTartar NO ALUM, NO LlfrlE PHOSPHATE x are compelled to haul vast loads of poll UcUns and policies, often failing; by tho waysido Tn the attempt. There, is a popular,supentltlon that the President and Congress are elected by the careful citizen, who spends his time debating political policies. This Is a. mistake Candidates are elected by the. bandwagon vote, which ls a large, com pact body of citizens who are determined -W '-- ' J to mount the winning ticket. Both par-. ties go after this vote like hackmen after a traveler at Nvgara Falls, and the side which makes tbe largest and most confident noise gets it. One of the political tragedies of tbe age Is a mas sive bandwajon errolpped with balconies, straps and sideboards, and which at this moment Is filled with frantically eajtr passengers, who are pleading with T. Roosevelt, of Oyster Bay, to back into the shafts and get busy. (Coprriiht. BO. br Ceorc MUhe Adams.) C. KELLY. St Louis, used to "cover" city hall In Brooklyn for a German paper. and one of his Intimate friends was Joseph C Hendrlx, who did the city hall news for a rival publication. Bartholdt left Brooklyn and went to St. Louis and from there was sent to Congress a few years ago. When he reached here the first man he saw was Hendrlx. "What are you doing here?" asked Bartholdt "Just been elected to Congress from Brooklyn." said Hendrlx. "So have I from St. Louis." Bartholdt told him. "I was on the "school board for a while,'" went on Hendrlx. "Me. too." said Bartlujldt 'And then I was elected president of the board." Hendrlx continued. "Same here," remarked Bartholdt. "And after that they decided to send me here." resumed; Hendrix. "My experience exactly." put In Bartholdt. continuing to pull parallels. Happily for Bartholdt, the streak of coincidences ended there, for his friend Hendrlx died. In one of the office rooms ot the Brit ish Embassy here there are two framed pictures on the wall and only two. One of these Is a comic-drawing of an Eng lishman and the other Is George "Wash ington. (CorrrfcM. rj. br Fred C. KeDj. AH rlfMi re- ANNIVERSARY DATA aiAncir s. ' The first act taxing the American colonies, known in history as the stamp act, introduced by Lord Gren vllle. was passed by the English Par liament one hundred and forty-seven years ago. The rlsbt of taxation withobt representation, claimed by England, was the Immediate cause of the war of indeperdence. The Indian massacre of Virginia, in which ver 300 men. women, and chil dren were slaughtered in a single day, occurred In the colonies SO years ago. The bombardment of San Juan d'UIIoa by United States troops, under Gen. Scott, which lasted four days, was commenced at 4 o'clock In the afternoon "sixty-five , years ago. United States victorious. Hon. "William H. AVederneyer. who represents thes Second , district ot Michigan !n Congress, was born In Lima, Washtenaw County, Mlcb, thirty-nine yertrs ago. Hon. William JosePr Cary. Repre sentative tn Congress of the Fourth district ot Wisconsin, is to-day cele brating the forty-seventh anniversary of his birth. He was bom at Mil waukee, Wis., In 1S63. Correction br Mr. Horner. Editor The Washlssua Herald: In to-day's Issue of your splendid pa per. In an article under caption "Braes, sustained by school board." I was in advertently misquoted In reference to the superintendent ot schools aa follows: "I mean no reflection on the superinten dent. I beleve he Is the best fitted man for the position whom we could obtain." I used a part of this language only, the exact sentence in this connection used by me being as follows: "I mean no re flection on the superintendent." I made no comparison whatever as to his fitness for the position, nor did I In anyway sug gest by word or action, the slightest In clination to distribute bouquets or In dulge In flattery. As I desire to have the facts as they occurred to appear on the record, as a safeguard against any misunderstanding which might- arise In the Investigation to follow In this mat ter, I hope that you will correct in your Issue the language complained of. R. B. HORNER. Washington. March a. A Tronbletsonie Cat. From an Eirbanre. Mr. Casey-Well, if yr think. Ol'm a did yez put. out the cat? Mr. Casey-Ol did. Mrs. Casey Ol don't belave It! Mr. Casey WelL If yez think. OiTn lisr. get up and put er out yersejf. SI mt . .