The Washington herald. [volume], December 16, 1920, Image 8

About The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939

Image provided by: Library of Congress, Washington, DC

                
| PH0T0-N1
Thursday, Do
An 0. H<
The Pimien
(Coatlnaed from Yeaterday.)'
v
"About three in the afternooq I
thrcwed my bridle rein over a mesqulte
limb and walked the last
tweaty yards into Uncle Emsley *
tore* I grot up on the counter and
told Uncle Emsley that the signs
pointed to the devastation of the
fruit crop of the world. In a minuter
I had a bag of crackers and a
long-handled spoon, with an open
can each of apricots and pineapples
*nd cherries and greengages beside
of me with Uncle Emsley busy chopping
away with the hatchet at the
yellow clings. I was feeling like
Adam before the apple stampede,
and was digging my spurs into the
side of the counter and working
with my twenty-four-inch spoon
when I happened to look out of the
window into the yard of Uncle Ems
ley's house, which was next to the
tore.
"There was a girl standing there
?an imported girl with fixings on
?philandering with a croquet maul
and amusing herself by watching my
style of encouraging the fruit canning
industry.
"I slid off the counter and delivered
up my shovel to Uncle Ems"That's
my niece,' says he; "Miss
Willella Learight. down from Palestine
on a visit. Do you want that
[ should make you acquainted?*
" The Holy Land.' I says to myself.
my thoughts milling some as I
tried to run 'em into the corral.
'Why not? Thvjr? was sure angels
in Pales? Why. yes. Uncle Emsley/
I says out loud. 'I'd be awful
edified to meet Miss Learight.' *
"So Uncle Emsley took me out In
the yard and gave us each other's
entitlements.
"I Inever was shy about women.
I never could understand why some
men who can break a mustang before
breakfast and shave in the
dark get all left-handed and full of
perspiration and excuses when they
see a bolt of calico draped around
what belongs in it. Inside of eight
minutes me and Miss Willella was
aggravating the croquet balls
around as amiable as second cousins.
She gave me a dig about the
quantity of canned fruit I had eaten.
and I got back at her. flat-footed.
about how a certain lady named
Eva started the fruit trouble in the
first free-grass pasture?'Over in
Palestine, wasn't it?* says I, as easy
and pat as roping a one-year-old. ^
That was how I acquired cordiality
for the proximities of Miss
Willella Learight; and the disposition
grew larger as time passed.
She*was stopping at Pimienta Crossing
for her health, which was very
good, and for the climate, which
was 40 per cent hotter than Palestine.
I rode over to see her once
every week for a while; and then h
figured it out that if I doubled the
number of trips I would see her
twice as often.
"One week I slipped in a third
trip; and that's where the pancakes
and the pink-eyed snoozer busted
into the gaxr.a.
That evening, while I set on the
counter with a peach and two damsons
in my mouth. I asked Uncle
Emsley how Miss Willella was.
"'Why,' says Uncle Emsley. 'she's
gone riding with Jackson Bird, the
sheep man from over at Mired Mule
Canada.'
"I swallowed the peach seed and
the two damson seeds. I guess
somebody held the counter by the
bridle while I got off: and then I
walked out straight ahead till I
butted against the mesquite where
my roan was tied.
"'She's gone riding,' I whisper in
my bronc's ear, 'with Birdstone
Jack, the hired mule from' Sheep
Man's Canada. Did you get that,
old Leather-and-Gallops?'
That bronc of mine wept, in his
way. He'd been raised a cow pony
and he didn't care for snoozers.
"I went back an? said to Uncle
Emsley: 'Did you say a sheep man?'
" 'I said a sheep man.' says Uncle
again. 'You must have heard tell
of Jackson Bird. He's got eight sections
of grazing and four thousand
head of the finest Merinos south of
the Arctic Circle.'
*1 went out and sat on the ground
in ihe shade of the store and leaned j
against a prickly pear. I sifted i
sand into my boots with unthinking
hands while I soliloquized a quantity
about this bird with the Jack- i
son plumage to his name.
"I never had believed in harming
sheep men. I see one. one day. reading
a Latin grammar on hossbaok.
and I never touched him! They
never irritated me like they do most
cowmen. Tou wouldn't go to work
now and impair and disfigure snoozers.
would you, that eat on tables
and wear little shoes and speak to
yop on subjects? I had always let
'cm pass, just as you would a* jac k rabbit;
with a polite word and a
guess about the weather, but no
stopping to swap canteens. I never
thought it was worth while to be
hostile with a snoozer. And because
I'd been lenient and let 'em live,
here was one going around riding
with Miss Willella Learight!
"An boor by sun they come loping
K*~k. and stopped at Uncle
Kinsley's gate. The sheep person
helped her off. and they stood
throwing each other sentences all
sprightful an3 sagacious for a
while. And then this feathered
Jackson files up in his saddle and
raises his little stewpot of a hat
and trots off in the direction of his
mutton ranch. By this time I had
turned the sand out of my boots and
unpinned myself from the prickly
pear; ani by the time he gets half
New Counterfeit
$5 Bill on Market
Treasury Warns
Discovered: Something new under
the sun and the searching stare
of Treasury ey?s.
There ts a new counterfeit $5
Federal Reserve note "on the market."
Chief Koran, of the Treasury
secret service. Issues the. following
description:
On the Federal Reserve Bank of
Chicago: check letter "D:" face
Plate No. 14S: W. G. McAdoo. Secretary
of the Treasury; John Burke.
Treasurer of the United State: portrait
of Lincoln.
This counterfeit is printed from
photo-mechanical plates of poor
workmanship, on fair quality of
paper without silk threads or Imitation
of them. The number of the
specimen at hand Is ' OSMI324A.
The figures of this number are
larger than the genuine and more
widely separated. The portrait of
l.laeoln much darker, than the
geauine. TJie seal is gseen instead
of hlue. The* back nf the note is
tore deceptive than the face.
*. ?
. V- ,
EWS PAGE
:ember 16, !<)?
inry Story
ta Pancakes .
a mile out of Pimienta I singlefoots
up beside him on my bronc.
"I said that snoOxer was pinkeyed.
but he W43n't. His seeing: ari
rangemcnt was gray enough, but
his eyelashes was pink and his hair
was sandy, and that gave you the
idea. Sheep .nan??he wasn't more
than a lamb man. anyhow?a little
thing: with his neck involved in a
yellow handkerchief and gloves tied
up in bowknots.
"'Afternoon!' says I $o him. 'You
now ride with a equestrian who is
commonly called Dead-Moral-Certainty
Judson on account of the way
I shoot. When I want a stranger
to know mo I always introduce myj
self before the draw, for I never dia
like to shake hands with ghosts.'
" 'Ah.' says he, Just like that?'Ah,
I'm glad to know you, Mr. Judson.
I'm Jackson Bird, from over at
; Mired Mule Ranch.'
"Just then one of my eyes saw a
I roadrunner skipping down tho hill
I with a young tarantula in his bill,
| and the other eye noticed a rabbithawk
sitting on a dead limb in a
; water elm. I popped over one after
the other with my forty-five. Just
I to show him. 'Two out of three.'
says I. 'Birds Just naturally seem
to draw my fire wherever I go.'
" 'Nice shooting.' says the sheep
| man, without a flutter. 'But don't
you sometimes ever miss the third
| shot? Elegant fine rain that was
j last week for the yoving grass, Mr.
| Judson?' says he.
" 'Willie.' says I, riding over close
to his palfrey, "your infatuated pareats
may. have denounced you by
the name of Jackson, but you sure
molted into a twittering Willie?let
us slough off this here analysis of
rain and the elements and get down
to talk that is outside the vocabulary
of parrots. That is a h$d habit
you have got of riding with young
ladies over at Pimienta. I've known
birds,' says I, to oe served on toast
for less than that. Miss Willella,'
says 1, 'don't ever want any nest
made out of sheep's wool by a tomtit
of the Jacksonian branch of ornithology.
Now. are you going to
quit or do you wi ;h for to gallop up
against this Dead-Moral-Certainty
attachment to my name, which is
gcod for two hyphens and at least
one set of funeral obsequies?*
"Jackson Bird flushed up some,
and then he laughed.
" 'Why. Mr. Judson/ says he.
| 'you've got the wrong idea. I've
k called on Miss Learight a few times,
but rot for the purpose you imagine.
My object is purely a gastroI
nomical one.' t
"I reached for my gun.
" 'Any coyote,' says I, 'that would
i boast of dishonorable '
" 'Wait a minute.' says this Bird.
| 'till I explain. What would 1 do
| with a wife? If you ever saw that
ranch of mine! I do my o'wn cocking
and mending. Gating?that's
all the pleasure I get out of sheep
raising. Mr. Judson. did/you ever
taste the pancakes that Miss Learight
makes?'
TO BE CONTINUED.
I Dorothy Dix's
Excellent Advice
Copyright. 1920, Wheeler
Syndicate, lac.
I
EFFICIENCY?HEAL A TO
THEORETIC.
"O Efficiency, what crimes are
committed in thy name!" we might
well cry out, as Madame Holland
said of liberty as she wai being
taken to the scaffofd to die in its
name.
For these be the days whe|k we
have made a little tin god of system,
and when we consider it a
pious act to sacrifice every comfort,
and convenience, and impulse on the
alter of routine, which false prophets
have assured us is the one and
only way by which we may achieve 1
efficiency.
This process of turning human
beings into automatic self-starting]
and self - stopping machines has
been a vogue atnong men for sev- I
eral years?where, by the way, it
hasn't worked out according to I
schedule. But it is one of the the- I
ories that sound so plausible that
anyone will give it the trial once,
anyhow.
And now a strenuous effort is being
made to introduce it into the
home. If you pick up any woman's
I magazine you will find a carefully
worked out budget, compiled by old
maids. and old bachelors, and
wealthy statisticians, who have
never personally grappled with the
' problem of feeding and clothing six
| or seven children on a shoestring
| income, telling you Just exactly how
j every penny should be spent.
1 They (know precisely how many
I pairs oi shoes Johnnie is entitled
to wear out, and how often the baby
has a right to be sick, and all the
other financial details that balance
so nicely on an Imaginary ledger,
and that come to such grief on the
real books of daily life.
And when you have found out
Just exactly how to spread your
husband's pay envelope so that
everything from the corner grocery
to the motion pictures gets its fair
pro rata, you may cast your eye on
the schedule by which the housewife
should pattern her day if she
wishes to be really efficient. It
reads something like this:
Arise 6:30. Say prayers 6:35.
Bathe 6:35 to 6:40. Dress 6.40 to
7:00. 7:00 to 7:30 prepare breakfast.
7:30 to 7:45 eat breakfast.
7:45 to 7:59 get children ready for
school. 7:59 tQ 8:01 kiss husband
and children a cheery good-by as
they start to work and school. 8:01
to 9:00 clean up house. 9:00 to 12:00
sew. 12:00 to 12:30 prepare lunch.
12:30 to 1:00 serve lunch. 1:00 to
1:30 clean up after lunch. 1:30 to
2:00 dress self and baby. 2:00 to
3:00 take baby for airing and do
marketing. 3:00 to 4:00 visit friends.
4:00 to 5:00 sew. 6:00 to 6:00 prepare
dinner. 6:00 to 6:30 converse
with children. 6:30 to 7:00 serve
dinner. 7:00 to 7:30 clean up dishes
and kitchen. 7:30 to 10:00 entertain
husband. 10:00 to 6:30 sleep.
Repeat schedule next day, and
every day as long as you live, or
I until they put you in an insane
I asylum, where you suffer from the
I hallucination that you are chasing
an alarm clock and can never keep
up with it.
Now. I contend that the amiable
theorists who have chopped a woman's
day into this sort of mincemeat
fragments, each minute of which has
its appointed task, know nothing
about either women or housekeeping.
In the first place, housekeeping
is one of the occupations that
cahnot be run upon any cast-iron
schedule, because the very essence
of it Is its uncertainty. Sickness,
birth, death, all the whole drama
of life are pitted against any routine
in 1L "
She
. J
New York City
Day by Day
7 O. O, KeMTTRB.
*>r O. O. MelNTYRK.
NEW YORK, Dec. 15.?There is *
movie actress who lives in a square
or tumbledown houses out of the
current of traffic down town, she
has an apartment that she has fixed
up to suit her blsarre taste. It is
the nocturnal rendezvous for a raththeatTr
dr'ft!, after ">?
There is the constant rattle of
poker chips, the clink of glasses and
clouds of cigarette smoke. The
tP?rTe,nt " m,?'d to ?"?ocatlon
*. hrl^-a-brac. antiques and tt*.'
Ca"ed 'vory elephants
and imitation scorpions hang from
with ner"'. The **"* ,re Paneled
draperies! *n bat'k R"d Hlndo?
?hf'u,'f6<J ?"?ke skins are entwined
,rrors and th?re was a little
white fujiy doK that refused to
come out - from under a window
",,d on<> could not blame ,7
Books are piled about in. endless
profusion?poems by Service, vellum
editions of old masters and the
later effusions of Marie Corelll and
Harold Bell Wright.
There is a Jap servant in a sold
shuir"! Hklra0n? Who ?'??" and
shuffles about in sandals. There 1s
a muffled beat of gone* .
odor of Incense. The hostess herJ
If wor? ?""? canary c0l?...| ,*!
Jamas and a flaming red turban
7azt nJ,k " ?f U,e breakf*"?new
if"hrimtudio:nd the ,,,e" ?
friend u'she^ed^ thVZ '
!nChi "n wh?? fame Mes
K ? i marrl?*e to the most celebrated
of the Florodora girls ?
trimm?HS, b,?nde who?' frock was
trimmed in expensive feathers an*
Sh h b?a*ted life was hart
sSthoeckh,,ntsJU,t Pa'd *" a
There was an editor of a ...
Prraon.tor. ? roun'.' ' 'm
o~;
and I J:rysmk,?fDri:ndS-" ?* ?
Thl^ i ecp op*n house."
ho J- ?ne ,he World like
"i'.SSK.SSKia-.K
pant Scottish breath. an *Ie"
Commodore Ev C. Benedict
died at the ace of ??Tf.w we'k^
ago was one of the most enthusiastic
yachtsmen in New York and
even in his later years was a great
p
1%
Now when
ipecial offer of
delivery, *t tA
for every home
guarantee and e
TERM
I STEP FORWARD
- YOURFAC
1 i ' J
-j??5l9
As perfect a portrayal of a ?
movie as the versatile Lillian Gis
Perhaps she was thinking of
she is a Washingtonian hoping t<
sisters in the States have dorte.
man is not given to cariosity abou
a good picture expression when
photograph one day recently out
War Department.
Col. Hassan, Picture Editor
office, 427 Eleventh street, with a
Herald which he will present to
call, as well as two tickets to a
week.
wit. He attended a meeting last
summer to help name the yacht club
at New Rochelle. "I'd call it the
New Rochelle Salts," was his suit-.
gebtton.
The Wall Street broker is riding
to work these days in the subway.
His car Is in pawn. Lean days loom,
I Open Eveni
Kinase
Speg
EXTRA SPEC.
This Brand New 88
Player-Piano and I
For m Limited Tnt On
everyone's thoughts art turning
this brand new 88-note Player35
on our special club terms,
to own a Player-Wano for this G
xchange privilege accompanies tl
n Our Gi
Arthi
er . -.
eek Hojbct L. Kill, Secy, an
,\ -st <
~ 1
-r; v
gtfln grtei
FAIR MISS!
? WINS TICKETS
* \f '
T
Ib9S9B
, _ .
5&V
istfully smiling heroine in a war '
h coukd manage.
the old home town, or perhaps
> get ?ie vote as her millions of
The Washington Herald camera
t mental processes, but he knows
lie sees one. So he sccured this,
side a temporary building of the
of The Herald, is waiting at his
month's free subscription to The
the smiling subject if she will
ny show at a local theater tliis
ahead. In most of the brokerage
shops business has fallen off 75 per
rent and the majority are running
at a heavy loss. The high-priced
? ufos are also feeling the loss of the
broker trade, for when the broker
has money he spends it. Their eating
patronage has been transferred
to the dairy lunches.
lairs
tub
11
s
JAL
-Note '
b
to Chrisftmas, we make the
Piano, including fy?ch and
This makes it possible
iristmas. The same Jordan
lis purchase.
.
larantee sas
ir Jord;
I Treai. 13th and (
^VICTO^S A
faift ^
; ? - t J
-. ?
Good Morning*
Judge!
By RUDOLPH PKRKIXI.
Wkei la a C?mnM We?M?f
Whoever drew up the law dealing
with concealed weapons and the
traffic In them did a bum job.
Judge Hardison did not aay that
In ao many words, bat he Intimated
it very strongly.
The point Involved wa?: "Is a **
calibre rifle a dangerous weapon?"
And. * ?Could it be concefcled?'
The case waa that of Ignatius Tamoria,
charged with selling such a
weapon to a 14-year-old boy.
It stands to reason that If you
monkey with the business end of a
21 calibre rifle you'll soon And out
whether or not it Is a dangerous
Weapon.
But the law says nothing about
such guns. It# mentions rasors.
blackjacks, brass knueks, platola.
daggers, etc.. but nary a word
about shotguns and rifles.
However, the word "dangerous
weapon" in the law means something
and naturally the court had
to take It for granted that this little
rifle came within that meaning.
If not, then a baby could buy a
shotgun if it had the n?oney and
the dealer would not have-to have
a license, either.
The court wound up the proceedings
by flning Tamoria $50 and
placing him on probation, thereby
taking rifles out of the reach of
children.
A I.ork Walk With a Rassr.
Imagine a hike from Boaton to
Washington to get a job.
That 1h what Frank Sclarro did?
and landed in the lock-up charged
with carrying a raxor.
Policeman Cheney picked hi? up
on Twelfth street at four o'clock iiw
the morning on suspicion.
"Dees is da fwst time. Judge." he
said, "dat 1 eveaire peench meaelf.
Me nevaire peench meaelf before no
time at all. not once.
"Da razra I had to shava da
whiska Bet is alia da baggage 1
had. Walk alia day way from Boaton
to dees city?en need shava
might' bad."
"I believe you had that rasor tc
shave yourself." said the court, "but
we have got to look out for you
some way. I am going to turn you
over to the probation officer to see
If he can help you any."
Mamie aad Nlfsi*.
Mamie Farra/ and Minnie Lancaster
both live fn Marion Court. They
are married?and have lived there
all their lives.
Minnie had Mamie arrested and
charged her with delivering a left
hook to the jaw and following it up
with a brick.
It seems that tlio pair had been
oient"
*iano
ikcn in
change
Only
To Ta
This S
4
Act s
Thte brand-new and
but artistic, beinf built on I
tpecial metal plate, spruce
This instrument sold f
dal dub offer, and it b a
W<
la't Iom in buying any tawtr
Jordan Piano Co. a* jou
p priTtke* With nDgwrnao of
in Pian<
S Sts. N. W.
lND RECORDS
J FEATURES
v Th? Mom Nm <
== ssxs
The Marr
'Capyrtgfct. Mb. by TkaJ
lm Cm Btgb Th>
p
A MESSAGE THAT BRIHGft RELIEF.
Alison re-read Mrs. Bradley's note
with growing bewilderment. ,
What could ahe mean? "Groaa
mistake . . . today'a catastrophe
. . . Girl we thought was you."
With the letter still In her hand
and her head whirling with wild
conjectures. ahe atarted slowly upstairs.
Barbara Wales called to her from
her mother's sitting room.
"I have some bad news for you."
sh* remarked, looking up from a
book, aa Alison pauacd on the
threshold.
"Not mother?" gasped Alison. "I
left her at the atatton?"
"Don't jump 4t conclusions!" said
Miss Wales testily. "You're ju*t
like your mother?Emily never
waits to be told anything?ahe always
guesses It before one starts!
No, it's nob your mother or your
precious scamp of a father who has
had the impudence to write me
again asking for an appointment.
It's your husband this time."
Alison took'an eager atep forward.
"Have you seen Larry?"
"I have not." sniffed Miss Wales.
"And what'a more, he'd better keep
well out of my sight."
"Then what do you know?" de?manded
Alison.
j "Just this: You can't get your
divorce unleaa you get some more
evidence. Th* lawyer was here this
afternoon. I told bim at once about
Larry's mysterious absence and he's
oft now hotfoot trying to pick up
the trail. Our whole hope of getquarrelling
over a remark Mamie Is
alleged to hav? mad* about Miaaie
getting fresh with her husband.
"Ia that mark still on your limb?"
the court asked Minnie.
"Yassah. it'a right on mah calf." j
the ^oman answered, wondering'
what waa coming next.
"Well then, let"?here Minnie got
j nervoua and the court noticed It.
"Ut one of the women attendants
| look at it and ae? if there is a
bruiae."
The injured calf waa examined
and It was reported that there m-as
i a big bruiae on it that apeared to
have been made recently, that might
have been made by a brick.
That clinched the case against
Mamie, although she denied that she
ever threw any bricks at all.
The court sentenced her to thirty
days and then put her on probation
with a warning to keep out of ;
trouble.
r 8 Days Mon
ke Advantage
pecial 0
it Once Be'w&S
beautiful 8 8-note Player-Puma,
the most moi. rn lines. It has a
sounding board, and all the tate
or much more before we decided
bargain jrou cannot afford to miss
e Cash Xmu Savingi Ch?
meat from the
haw ?m jtar*!
fan amount paid.
o Co. t
f Ik Ckidterwf Pan
, FICTION | ~
af Wufamcton
'iage Mill
K. nuori.
i Sivy Kmj Day!
v
tins you frm reel* OB what Larry
did I Ml night."
"Oh." Alison turned away dUaypointed.
"I tbougrht you had iob?*
thins lew to tall me. I was aware
of all that before. And I've w?a
Larry, by the way."
The book fell froan Mlu Waleshand
and bounded across the Boor.I
"Where r*
"At the station?la town,- Alison
was removing her hat listlessly before
her mother's pier glass.
"Who was with him? What did
he say?"
Alison fluffed up her "hair with
Mrs. Athertcn's ivory brushes.
"He was alone. And I d?dn't stop
to talk."
"Alison. I could shake you. Tou
are the most maddening?"
Miss Wales broke off with assort.
"How many questions must I ask
you before I get the whole stary?
Where was the young rounder going?"
"1 think he took a train for Maplewood."
shrugged Alison tantalising!
y casual. "He didn't ring m*
up. did he?"
Her cousin smiled acidly.
"I never noticed him keeping T>ntral*
very busy calling you. even
when you were living together."
Swift color burned beneath Allson's
pallor.
"Tou think Larry was not specially
devoted?is thst it? Well.
I'd like to know how he ever had
a chance to be. what with his family
on one side and you on the
other!"
"Tou mean to ssy you accuse me
of trying to break up your marriage
V demanded Barbara Wales,
indignantly. "Now. here's gratitude
for you. Here I try to do everything
that's best for you. and then
you want to accuse me of not ing'
my own business. Such humiliation!
I never in all ray life!
Tou're exactly like your fatfcer! "
Alison raised despairing bands
above her head.
"Two minutes ag?? you said 1
was exactly like mother Now it's
father. Great Heavens, am I never
to be myselfT*
8he rsn from the room snd down
the staira to the drawing-room As
she passed the telephone, th?* bell
rang suddenly.
Picking up the receiver, she heard
Gwen's voice, low and spiritless
"Alison, an awful thing has happened.
Diane has eloped with Warren
Bradley. We've search?-d hiah
and low and we can't find them. At
first we thought it was Larry?k"
IT# Be Csstlssfrf Tss^rr#w.)
Plain to design, ?AW
five-point rootot, jStti
st improrefnects. Jtf/K
to make Ums speTERMS