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Secretary Knot if g? nerally recognized as
one of the hard-working members of the cabinet. Indetd. some -?f his friends have f> It called upon to warn him that his exer tions in th( intt n sts of the War D< part mmt often carry him past the line of pru dence. But the Stcrftary has bc< n known to rest his brain wlun tht fact is entirely unsuspect< d. A short time ago a delegation from one of the south* rn states callod upon him to urge the establishment of a large camp in a certain part of their state. Al most immediately after they had left the department a newspaper man saw the Sec retarj and asked: "Mr. Secretary, in what part of did they want the camp locat ed? ' Mr. Root looked just the tiniest bit embarrassed. Then he came out with it. "Honestly. I do not know," he said. They had talked it to him for nearly half an hour, and he had not heard it. 3jC 5*" 3|C 5(C ijc "I don't carry a watch," said a newspaper man who works on an afternoon paper, "but I can always tell whether I am on time with my work or behind. Every morning, for Instance, one of the big iron vans of the Treasury Department, covered with armed guards and filled inside with valuables of the government, drives up Pennsylvania avenue on its way to the treasury. I suppose it comes from the de pots down town. At any rate, if 1 am 011 time I meet that van 011 the avenue on my way to work, but if I am late I notice from my car either the big van nearing the treasury or see it backing up to the d-.ors to unload. So I hustle to get to the oflice. The van is nearly always regular "Anothetr incident occurring each morn ii;g tells me whether or not 1 am on time. I live out at Mt. Pleasant, and when I am on time 1 meet a mail car on its way west on Pennsylvania avenue about 11th or 12th streets. This car is always on time and passes these two points about each morning. If I find the ear stopped at the corner of F and l.">th streets putting off mail for the subpost office on F street I know that I am late, as I ought to be further down the avenue at that time in the mornlrifir. Thus we can judge time by the regularity of animate and inanimate beings that are required to be on time. 1 don't know what I would do without the treasury van or the mail car as my time piece. Without ;hese I suppose I would be put to the heavy expense of buying a dollar watch." jf: ^ "Some queer things come under the ob servation of street car conductors. I assure ye?u," said one of the conductors of the City and Suburban line. "I know that there is always something being said about how women do on street cars: the reason men don't get tip and give their seats to women; the fact that women seldom move to furnish seats to men. &c., but none of these is half so funny to my mind as watching the movements of women in pass ing in and out of the front doors of cars in the winter time. It is almost the Invariable rule with a man to close the door after him if lie gets out the front of a car coming into the city. Many people do go out the f-ont door, and men rarely fail to remem ber that there are passengers inside the car who don't find the cold draughts agree able. Not e>ne woman in a hunelred will pull the door to as she goes to leave the ear. She either doesn't think about it at all. Is careless ot the passengers left be hind. or thinks the business of the motor nian is to reach bt-hlnd him and close the door each time. Well, the motorman doesn't always do so, and the brief remarks of some of the men sitting near the door are warmer than the cold air flowing in through the door. I never know how to account lor these things. A woman Is supposed to he the most thoughtful and constderate of the two sexes, the one most careful of the feel ings of other people. Yet just recall what 1 say to you and see how many women you will notice do as I tell you." ***** "The good old days," observed the quiet man who generally constituted the audi ence when all the members were present of the loquacious group that mot at least once a week in a certain corner of the club. One of the irrepressibles was just then reminded of an Incident that occurred some thirty years ago and felt that it was his duty to at once communicate it to a wait ing world. While a quid man. the first speaker Is a person of decision, and fixing a steady gaze upon this bold Invader of his conversational rights, the threatened interruption died away. "As 1 was saying." he continued, calmly LIGHTS IN DARKNESS. Pi.-k ddressing hlms<lf directly to the late as pirant, so as to be sure that he would not break out again, "the good old days are represented to us by those who have reached a certain age as being somewhat superior to those of the present. I am not maintaining the general proposition, but I say this as the result of a contrast between the customs of my younger days and those that now prevail, that there does not seem to be the same sense of personal responsi bility for words uttered as used to be the case. It seems to me that men now have an almost feminine license In talking about each other Lawyers In court go to an extreme of personal abuse and slander that in my younger days would have been ad justed as soon as court adjourned by the arbitration of fists. There is a shameless latitude allowed counsel in their treatment of witnesses, while outside of the courts of Justices the tongues of men wag and roll off the most libelous, injurious gos sip. It is absolutely unsafe to repeat what men and women of good reputations in the community say freely about their fellows, that is. if one wishes to avoid circulating the false and the scandalous. I believe that if men were held more strictly to a personal accountability for their words that the reputations of all would be much safer." * * * * * Said a well-known citizen to a Star re porter: "A friend of mine had a singular and disagreeable experience in this city a short time ago. He saw in the newspapers a short Item to the effect that a man of his name and street address had been picked up In the streets by the police and taken to the Emergency Hospital for treat ment for alcoholism. Being entirely inno cent he was naturally indignant at the pub lication. AVhen the facts were presented to the newspapers the usual correction was promptly made. In tife ease of each news paper it was explained that the informa tion on which the item was based was ob tained by the reporter from the police records. Naturally desiring to know now such a mistake had occurred the gentleman visited the police station where the case was made and was informed by the station keeper in the most matter-of-fact way that some one who was present when the in sensible man was brought in said his name was (giving my friend's name), but didn't know where he lived. As his place of resi dence was necessary to complete the rec ords the keeper explained that he looked in the city directory and saw that a man of the name given lived at No. street tmy friend's home), and so the record was made up accordingly. Such was the sta tion keeper's statement. He was even good enough to show my friend where he was officially recorded as having been picked up by the police suffering from alcoholism. The true situation was explained to the station keeper and lie was asked to erase the record or to change it in conformity with the facts. He would willingly do so. he said. If he could, but really he didn't have the authority. Recourse was then had to the chief of police, who promised to in vestigate the matter and do what he could. The officers of the precinct in question at tempted at first to shift the responsibility ; by saying that the newspaper reporters i were to blame for the mistake In the name I and address. They were subsequently com pelled to admit that the mistake was made by their own men, but had been corrected by the entire erasure of the entry in ques tion. As that was all my friend desired the matter was allowed to drop. It might have proved a serious thing for somebody, however, if he had chosen to prosecute it. This is a true story and is told without the I use of names so as not to injure any one." * # * * * During the trial of a damage case re ccntly before Chief Justice Bingham and a jury in Circuit Court No. 1 the listeners found much to amuse them while counsel wire making the summing-up addresses to the twelve men, good and true, who were charged with the duty of framing the ver dict. The plaintiff sought financial solace for an assault, the assailant having been a little girl. In connection with his re marks to the jury the attorney for the de ft miant said something like this: "Why, gentlemen, this accusation is pre posterous. I could allow a small child like the one that figures in this case to strike me in the face with her fists all day and I wouldn't feel it." The attorney for the plaintiff, of course, had the closing. Even the presiding Jus tice smiled when, replying to the state ment of his opponent, the attorney com mented: "Of course, gentlemen of the jury. Mr. C. wouldn't feel the blows if this girl should strike him In the face. If I pos sessed a face as hard as his I wouldn't feel such an attack either." A Clever Sign. In an Indianapolis office building two lawyers, Messrs. K. C. Robinson and John H. Jump, have offices on opposite sides of ! a corridor. Mr. Robinson's office boy, with labor-saving inclinations, whittled out a sign board with a wheel at the enl, and by manipulating the wheel he saved him self numerous Inquiries a* to whether his 1 employer was "In" or "Out." The scheme I worked so well that the rival boy across the hall made a similar sign. It was put up while Judge Jump was at court. When he returned to his office he stood in the corridor and laughed for five minutes, while the boy, unconscious that the chief was anywhere near, made his sign read alternately "Jump In" and "Jump Out." tt: i ij "l,ost yer way, guv'ner?" "Ze Knglish I do not of se which for to ask of se British Museum se waytf I "go rightly and to much time how?" "Well, if yer goin' the same way as yer talkln', I reckon the place Win be pulled 4>wn afore yer get there. Try a box o' lights instead." ^ ?- ...? ? ? ? * ? i .? ? ? IT IS A LOST ABT "I don't see the boys doing stunts with their tops like we used to do in the days when boys' mothers cut their hair," said the man with the chopped-oft gray mus tache on the car's rear platform. "I notice that a lot of them throw their tops out with that lazy. Ineffective underhand stroke such as the girls of my boyhood day used to employ In spinning their tops. A top thrown in that way hasn't got much action to It. It only has a little life In it, and begins to wabble drearily and to die down very soon after it is capt. We used to throw the top with the hardest kind of an over-the-shoulder movement, just as if we were endeavoring to slam the spinner right through the earth to China, but it al ways landed square on the spike and sat a-hummlng on the spike as steady as a clock; and, if we'd let it alone. It 'ud spin away for several minutes at a stretch, such was the momentum imparted to It by the hard throw. That way of throwing 'em was pretty hard on the spikes, espe cially if the spike of the top lit on a piece of rock by accident, but we never bothered about that. Fact is, we rather preferred to have the spike of a new top drop out Im mediately after we acquired it, for we had a scheme then of fixing the spike into the top so that it stood little chance of ever dropping out again. We'd fix the spike into the top with cement, and when the cement hardened it would just about ha\e taken a ten-horse-power windlass to drag the spike out of the top. "I don't see the boys playing split-top nowadays. We never used to be happy during the top season unless we were split ting the tops of nice, good, lace-collarettea little boys. Boys like this generally had big, soft-wood tops, with blunt spikes, the kind easy to spin, but us tough youngsters always had a top in our assortment made j of lignum vitae or some other extremely j hard wood, and provided with a sharp spike about an inch long. We provided ourselves with these tops solely for the purpose or rendering the nicely painted tops of the nice little boys useless. We'd come up be hind one of the nice little Lord Fauntleroys as he was spinning his top on the pavement in front of his own house. We'd have the long-spiked top all ready for action, and then we'd take careful aim for the spinning top of the good little boy with our destroy er. We had It down so fine that we could split tne nice little boy's top right down the middle, cutting it in twain, four times out of five. The fun of this consisted in listening to the blubbering and bellering of the nice little boy. One seas-on 1 hashed up four tops belonging to one good little boy in this manner. Afterward he came along here to Congress, and, would you believe it. he threw that top business up to I me when I asked him to indorse some pa | pers of mine in connection with a little , matter that I had on hand. "I've seen very few boys picking up their ' still-spinning tops on the palms of their 1 hands since the beginning of the present top season. We had that game down pretty i pat. Some of us were so adept at it that ! we could hold the spinning top on the end i of a horizontally-held thumb, or any other | digit, for that matter, and one of our ' favorite stunts was to place the spinning j top 011 the rim of our soft hat and then, , by a gently undulating, rotary movement, ; let it slide around the circle on the rim j until the life went out of it. It used to I amuse us greatly to get one of the sharp, j long-spiked tops a-going, and then, lifting it up on our hardened hands, ask some lit ! tie girl of our acquaintance, with soft, i pink, dainty hands, if she didn t want to hold the spinning top on the palm of her : hand. The sharp spike 'ud come so blamed . near boring a hole right square through the hand of our little girl friend that there wouldn't be any fun in it. and this used to cause us to go into spasms of delight. It wasn't considered much of a trick for a boy in my day to hold a spinning top on the point of his chin, but I haven't seen that thing done in a quarter of a century, and I guess it belongs to the list of forgot ten boyish schemes. "Another top game that I don't see the kids plaving nowadays is the one involving : marbles. We used to stick marbles in the | middle of a big ring, about three or four ; inches apart, and then tire away at 'em 1 with our tops, the Idea being to knock 'em out of the ring that way and thus win them. | That was a bully game, the only trouble | about it being that sometimes we'd knock i the marbles so far down the street or I across the vacant lot that we weren't able to find them. It was a game requiring a whole lot of marksmanship, and it trained the boy's eye. " 'Member those Indian tops?or did they | ever get this far east? They were the real ! thing in the west when I was a boy. They were flat-topped, and you spun them by ' whipping under the spike with three or four buckskin thongs attached to a stick. You could keep 'em going that way until your arms tired. They'd be great things for the smooth pavements of Washington." A LOCAL SHEBLOCK HOLMES. Ingenuity of This Detective Amazed a Woman. About the time that considerable atten tion was being paid to the story of "Sher lock Holmes" a member of Capt. Board man's corps did a piece of detective work i which caused the belief on the part of a woman that he had been endowed with re markable detective ability. He had been told to call on Mrs. and when he reached the house he was invited Into the dining room. "Are you a detective?" he was asked by the woman who had been robbed. v "I am," was the sleuth's response. "Have you been robbed of a clock?" he inquired noting the absence of a timepiece from the mantel and at the same time seeing the outline of the clock in the dust. "How did you know I had lost a clock?" was the woman's anxious inquiry." "Only that I'm a detective," he answered, ! "and that's part of the business." ! Then he indicated the lines of the clock i on a piece of paper and concluded by glv | ing a description of the ornament that was j on the time piece. "That's remarkable," the woman said, "simply remarkable." | Having been so successful the detective thought he would venture a little farther, and he assured the woman that in twenty four hours he would recover the stolen property. Succeeding in this he made* the further prediction that two days later he would have the thief. This he also accom plished and when he had finished with the case the woman was anxious to know how he had worked so successfully. "It's a secret of the profession," was all the detective would tell her and the wo man has never been told how the detective was able to accomplish so much. The Charm of Washington. "Washington has a wonderful fascination for people who have once fallen under it* spell," said an ex-offlclal, who has located in the capital permanently. "People who have once sojourned here, in an official ca pacity, whether large or small, seldom want to go back to their native towns. "I will wager that four-fifths of the em ployes let out of the census bureau are moving heaven and earth to stay In Wash ington. They have outgrown the narrow life they left to come here, and are under the spell of wizardry the towpi exerts. What is the charm? Well, I don't know, unless it is the atmosphere of leisure and conservatism, of intellectuality and politics that pervades the capital city. "We are close to the men at the wheel and the throttle; we see the workings of the vast machinery of government and politics, and it is Interesting to most people. That explanation would account for the man of understanding staying here. For outers, 1 think It is because life is easier and softer, less strenuous than in the cities of the west and east." Before and After Taking. From the Philadelphia Tress. The fiery-tempered maiden snorted scorn fully. "What? Marry you?" she cried. "Huh! what do you take me for?" "For better or worse," he promptly re plied. So they were married and lived unhap pily ever after, for, alas, she was worse than he took her for. ? ' " Privileges Limited. From the Baltimore News. The Cook?"Ah jjone flah'd dat man outen de kitchen, ma'amffo' stealln' yo' sugar." The Mistress?"You ? did perfectly right, Mary."' >? The Cook?"Yes'm. He ain't got no right ' to' to steal yo' sugah; he ain't workln' j heah!" JOBSON AS A DOCTOR \ "Do you know i^hat I'm going to feted home on my way fi*om the office this even ing?" Inquired MtvlJobaon of Mrs. Jobson at the breakfast table one morning about ten days ago. Mrs. Jobson had no idea, of course, and she said so. "I'm going to feta& home," said Mr. Job son, oracularly, "about two pounds of pow dered sulphur and a Jug of blackstrap mo lasses of the old-fashioned kind." ^'What for?" Inquired Mrs. Jobson. "What for?" repeated Mr. Jobson, with a surprised expression. "Now, what d'ye suppose powdered sulphur and molasses are generally used for?catnip tea? Mrs. Job son, might I inquire whether you ever had a .home as a young girl?a real, sure-enough home, presided over by a mother who kaew enough to repair to shelter when the rain began? Is it possible that you never heard of the combination of sulphur and molasses for use as a blood-purifying spring medicine?" Oh, yes, Mrs. Jobson had heard of that. "'You have, hey.?" said Mr. Jobson. "Well, what do you think of it as a spring medi cine?" Mrs. Jobson reluctantly replied that she thought it all right in some respects, but "There are no 'buts' about it," said Mr. Jpbson, in his most impressive judicial tone. "Sulphur ai d molasses make the greatest spring medicine that ever came over the hills. And that's the stuff that we're going to take every morning before breakfast for a month or so. Just like ev erybody else, we've been sitting around all winter like hot-house plants, eating too much, and.not taking anything like enough exercise. Tiie result is that our blood's all thickened and clogged up, and if we don't take something to clarify our sys tems we're liable to attacks of illness for the rest of the year. Sulphur and mo lasses fs the thing, and when we take It right along for about a month we'll feei like colts just turned loose in a field of dandelions." Mr. Jobson having assumed his I-have spoke manner, Mrs. Jobson didn't make any reply for the sake of peace, but it was obvious that she wasn't looking forward to the sulphur and molasses scheme with any great degree of equanimity. Mr. Jobson was as good as his word, and home he brought that evening the package of powdered sulphur and a huge jug of blackstrap molasses, for which he had to search the town. After dinner he mixed tn.- great spring meuicine in a large crock, all the time conversing volubly on the won ders wrought by the stuff on the human frame if consistently adhered to. "It won't do you any good if you only take' it once In a while," he explained. "You've got to stay right with it every day for a month or so to get any good out of it. It may not taste like pate de foie gras, but that's only a detail. It's reach in', so to speak, and that's the main thing" When Mr. Jobson made his appearance for breakfast the next morning Mrs. Jo'o son was already presiding ove: the crock of sidphur and molasses. "Have you taken yours yet?" inquired Mr. Jobson. "No," she answered, "I was waic'r.g for you to come down, so that we c-.-ulc! take it at the same time. I?gh! It looks no nasty!" "Don't try to be quite so girly-girly, Mrs. Jobson," said Mr. Jobson. sarcastically. "Airs like that aren't exactly becoming in a person of your years." Mrs. Jobson produced a couple of table spoons and handed one of them to Mr. Jobson. But if she expected that he was going to be the first to go iga'.nst the spring medicine she was mistaken He stood by in an attitude of expectancy, and so there was hothing for her to lo but to dip into the crock, delve up a spoonful of the gritty mixture and swallow it. She made an extremely wry face over !t, but said nothing. Mr. Jobson then dipped into the mess, bringing up a considerably smaller spoon ful than Mrs. Jobson had taken, and down ed it. His countenance looked mighty dis torted bv the tim/: he had swallowed the stuff, and he spluttered and coughed a lot over it for some time "Do you like it as well as you did when you were a young ?ohe?" Inquired Mrs. Job son. "It's great!" spluttered Mr. Jobson, but he didn't say it in a convincing way. He didn't have his usual appetite for break fast. and he looked thoughtful throughout the meal. '' ' He wasn't reeling well, he said, when he returned home that evening, and he went to bed early. When he made his appear ance in the dining room for breakfast Mrs. Jobson was again hovering over the sul phur and molasses crock. Mr. Jobson didn't go anvwhere near it. "Well, the spring medicine is stirred up and waiting," said Mrs. Jobson. Mr. Job son pretended to be so interested in the headlines of the morning paper that he didn't hear her. "Are you ready for the blood purifier?" Inquired Mrs. Jobson again, and again Mr. Jobson pretended that he hadn't heard. Then Mrs. Jobson walked right over to where he had plumped himself into a chair and said: "My dear, shall we take our sulphur and molasses now?" "Huh?" said Mr. Jobson, making believe that he had Just emerged from his trance. "Our spring medicine, you know," said Mrs. Jobson. "Oh," said Mr. Jobson, sternly, "you mean that beastly decoction that you forced upon me yesterday morning, do you? No, Mrs. Jobson, I, for one, am not?n-o-t, not?going to take it this morning or any other morn ing. You can take all you want of It?gal lons and hogsheads of It if you choose?but if you think for an infinitesimal fraction of time that you're going to bullyrag and bull doze and hector me Into sozzling my system with a poisonous mess that makes me feel as if I'd been living on green snails fVr a month, that causes me to wake up In the morning with a taste In my mouth like a motorman's glove, that puts every tooth in my head on edge and that's liable to make me break out in boils and carbuncles until I'd look like a twentieth century Job?then you're dreaming, Mrs. Jobson. and It's -pretty near time for you to wake up." The crock of sulphur and molasses went into the garbage can by the time the slop gentleman got around that morning, and Mrs. Jobson never deposited anything in that receptacle that did her so much good. not so very bad. Experience of Those Confined in the Smallpox Hospital. "The most disagreeable experience of riiy life occurred less than a month ago when I was unexpectedly Informed that I had ?iuaUi>ox, was hustled .into an ambulance and hurried to the municipal pest house," remarked a young Washington man who has just been released as cured from the hos pital out near the Eastern branch. "I felt just as ar ever I did In my life when I called at the District building the day in question, but alpiost at a glance the offi cials of the health department concluded that I was a, victim of the dread disease and without even an opportunity to com municate with my. family I was committed to the hospital There I was put in a ward with several othCr unfortunates, at least one of whoni jreaHjf was afflicted. "My feelings can readily be imagined. As soon as it baAibeen ushered into that ward I was sure Jhat even though I might not then have small pox I would contract it there. I?suppose my sensations were similar to tho&e that might naturally be ex perienced by a..criminal condemned to death and Wfho had only a specified time to live. I made'up ntty mind that I should not leave the hoSpita!'alive and began to frame farewell metosagesrto my relatives. "I was pufe to bed and much against my will the dolors Insisted on my remaining under the covers ,Jor two days. As I was feeling perfectly .well at the end of that time J aros<MBnd dressed myself and moved about. Several other young men were in the ward a lift we.^pused ourselves playing checkers, ddmino** and the like, we were permitted to stroll about In the yard which was Inclosed by a large fence. Among the patients In the female ward was a mother with a young baby. We became greatly attached to the little one, which afforded us much amusement. The resident physician loaned us a camera and we took a number of photographs. "Along toward the thirteenth or four teenth day of. *fy Stay I grew mighty weary of the imprisonment and was more than glad to be released as cured after the sixteenth day. The physicians said that my. case Was a very mild form of smallpox. I suffered absolutely no discomfort from it. At the hospital we received the best Of treatment, the food furnished us was ex cellent and between meals we were plenti fully supplied 'with fruit. Aside from the confinement, my -stay- at the smallpox hos pital waft far from' unpleasant." OLD LOVE LETTERS They were about to change boarding houses, and the young matron, while pack ing, fell to rummaging among a lot of old letters in the bottom of one of her trunks. She came upon a bundle of his letters, written before they were married, five years ago. He was sitting in the room, try ing to read his evening paper. "I'm," she said, reflectively, spreading out and holding up one of the letters. "There's no use in talking, Jack, you could write the loveliest letters! Do you remem ber how you used to write three of them a day to me, most of them special delivery, not to mention frequent telegrams?" "Rot!" said he, looking up from his paper in alarm, nevertheless. "Now. listen to this," she wont on, turn ing a page of one of the letters' to the light. " 'Dearest, did you know that your eyes are of the hue of a mountain lake in au tumn?'?now. wasn't that a funny way to allude to a girl's eyes! What is the color of a mountain lake In autumn, anyhow. Jack?" "Balderdash!" said he. rattling his news paper nervously, and pretending to be deeply immersed in it. " 'That fair little throat.' " she went on. with a sly look at him, " 'firm as a marble column, yet tender as the dove's breast ? now, don't scowl so frightfully. Jackie?I call that real pretty, indeed I do!" "Rubbish!" said he, beginning to tousle his hair. " 'And we shall go hand in hand adown the asphodel meadows of life,' " she con tinued. turning the page over and regard ng him out of the slants of her eyes. "I alwa>a wondered what you meant by that. Jack.^ don't remember ever having seen an asphodel meadow, and I never heanl of one except in the poetry of Rossettl. Is that where you got the asphodel meadows, Jackie?" "Humbug!" said he, crossing his legs in a rattled sort of way. " 'Among all possible things, the most Impossible is that wo shall ever exchange so much as the echo of a cross word!' " she quoted, picking up another of the let ters. "Dear me. that's funny?and the mil lions and billions of silly little spats we've had?eh. Jack?" "Tommyrot,!" he mumbled, wriggling around some more. " 'What was the name of that Tosti song you sang last night??it has been running through my head all morning like the hum of harps, so that I've scarcely boon able to do my work?ami you sang It as Sapho might have sung, brooding dreamily over the wine-dark Ionian sea!'?mercy on us. Jack, but how eloquent you used to get. and so delightfully classical in your allusions, too!" "Bosh!" ho snorted, ineffectually attempt ing to read his paper upside down. " 'Now, dearest, don't you ever make the mistake of dreading that I shan't bo able to get on famously with your dear mother, for I shall. She may be a little set in hor ways, but It shall bo my aim and my pleas ure to be uniformly gentle toward her, as a son-in-law should' " she continued, with a rollicking little laugh at the close of the quotation. "Humph! And poor mamma hadn't been in the house three hours on the occasion of her first visit to us before you were?er?well, just scrapping like everything!" "My dear, can't you see that I'm making a frantic effort to read my newspaper?" She was silent for a space, chuckling at intervals as she went over more of the let ters. and then she began again. " 'And I want to have it distinctly under stood before we are married that you are to have the handling of all the money? that's the onlv way a fellow ever manages to save anything' " she resumed, taking up still another letter. He jumped up. threw down his paper, jammed his hands into his trousers pock ets and scowled. "L.ook a-hore, my dear," he exclaimed, "why do you keep such driveling tfuck as that about you for. anyway?" "Why. Jack, they are your letters!" she said, surprised, and clutching them tightly. A brierht idea seemed to strike him. "What'll you take for "em?" ho Inquired of her. She bit her lip and reflected. "Well. I do hate to part with them, hon est. Jack." said she, "but I saw a lovely soring jacket down town today for only $2S. and " "The jacket's yours?you can get it to morrow?now gimme those letters." said he. reaching out for them. She handed them over, and he promptly chucked them into the open grate fire. And he Is fondly imagining at the pres ent moment that she gave him all of those incriminating letters, as it were, but she didn't. She held out about forty of them, and if she doesn't use them to "swing" him for a sealskin by the time the cold weather comes around again it will be a caution. HE GOT EVEN. Was Compelled to Buy Chickens in Self-Defense. Complaints about crowing roosters, cackling hens, barking dogs and noisy boys are occupying more time of the members of the police force just now than are the complaints about thefts and other matters of importance. Small boys will play base ball and! other games on streets and vacant lots, and fowls and canines will Insist upon being noisy during the early hours of the morning. It Is during these hours that many people are anxious to sleep, and those who keep nothing that will annoy neigh bors think their neighbors should apply the golden rule to them. JDurlng the winter months, when doors and windows are closed and when the small boys, dogs and fowls are satisfied to remain out of the cold, very few complaints of the character mentioned are made to the police. One of the first men to enter a complaint this season was apparently annoyed by his neighbor's chick ens. "I can't sleep," he complained to the desk sergeant at one of the stations. "I've offered to buy the neighbors' chickens, but they won't sell, and I don't want to move. Now, I want you to tell me what redress a poor man has." "Swear out a warrant and summon your neighbors as witnesses against the owner of the fowls," was the advice given him. "Neighbors." sighed the man, "I have none, but my neighbors have." "I must confess," said the desk sergeant, "that I fail to understand the meaning of your words." "Don i understand them?" queried the man, whose manner indicated he would soon be a victim of nervous prostration. "Why, I mean that I'm the only one who does not own chickens, and the chicken owners are sticking together in this neigh borly matter." A week later the man with the complaint called on the police and reported that he had solved the difficulty. "I bought two dozen chickens, among them being six roosters, he explained. "I named the roosters and each morning when they exercise their lungs I do my best to distinguish one from another and I have about succeeded. Now my.netghbors are anxious that I should reduce the number of roosters In my yard." * Needed Precaution. From the Chicago Tribune. The giver of the banquet to the distin guished foreign visitor surveyed the long dining tables, with their glittering array of queensware and other necessary stuff, and turned to the chef. "Have you seen to It," he asked, "that all the knives and forks are of the cheapest kind of plated ware?" "Yes, sir," replied the chef. "And that the spoons are all tin?" "Yes, sir." "Have you been careful to see that every thing valuable on the table is too bulky to be carried away undetected?" "I have." "Then," said the giver of the banquet, with an anxious glance about the room to assure himself that the wall adornments were securely fastened In their places, "we are ready, I think, to let the guests in." True to Her Sex. From the Chicago News. Bride of a Day (aboard train)?"Do stop talking a little while, dear." The Other Half (tenderly)?"Why, darl ing, are you tired of me so soon?" Bride of a Day?"No, dearest; but I am curious to hear what those two women be hind us are saying." A shadow crossed th? young man's face: "Can it be that we will make a mistake In marrying?" he queried; anxiously. "How you frighten me!" exclaimed the maid; "let's have another wedding re right awV. --PhU?l.lph1.:RNo?li; CRIME IS IMITATIVE Instances to Prove Alienists' Theory of "Suggestion." FLORENCE BURNS' CASE^ FOLLOWED UP BY NUMEROUS SIMILAR DEEDS. How the Big Hotels Suffer From Thieving by Well-to-Do Guests. Special Correspondence Thf Evening Star. NEW YORK. March 21. 1002. Alienists, as well as laymen of an observ ant turn of mind, have for a number of years observed a peculiar sequence in crimes strongly resembling cach other here in New York. For instance, since the pretty and iron-nerved Burns girl was ar rested on the accusation of having shot her sweetheart to c'eath as he slept. New York women have been killing their hus bands off with extraordinary prodigality, as if husbands were to be found on every bush. Since Florence Burns was first pictured in the yellows as she tripped over the Bridge of Sighs leading from the court building to the Tombs the girls have been throwing carbolic acid, vitriol and such at the coun tenances of their delinquent beaus, while numerous married women have been hurl ing blazing lamps, gasoline stoves and such bijouterie at their husbands. There can be no manner of doubt that crime runs iij streaks in New York. When a crime of an~unusual character bobs up and is exploited in the New York newspapers other crimes of a similar character are al most certain to occur upon the heels of the first one. A Season of Pyromaniacs. Last summer a queer lot of pyromaniacs had New York, and particularly the llat and tenement dwellers thereof, thoroughly seared. A young East Side degenerate was eventually caught In the act of touching a | match to a stack of oil-soaked waste which I he had deposited in the vestibule of a down- , town flat building. He naively explained, when asked what his idea was. that he en joyed seeing the smoke and the flame ana the excitement. He was sent away to an institution where he will be engaged in sorting over convicts' wearing apparel in the prison laundry for quite a number of years. But the attempts at incendiarism by no means ceased with the retirement ot this ingenuous youth. As a matter of fact, they increased in number. Plainly, the im pulse to enjoy the spectacle of smoke and flame and excitement had been stirred In other bosoms by the case of the original pvromanlac. The police Anally rounded up half a dozen dangerous individuals suffer ing from that species of nervous disorder which causes its victims to hanker to# de stroy with tire, and they were all snugged away in up-state correctional establish- I ments. New Fad Among the Firebugs. Then a new fad broke out among the flre worshipers still loose. They began to drop lighted tapers into post boxes on cor ners and into mail boxes in flat building vestibules. There was something so vl ciously and unnecessarily wanton in this scheme that the police were of the opinion that only one individual could possibly be engage in it. But they found four of them in widely-separated parts of the city when thev put the drag-net out, and one of them was a measurably good-looking young woman who pursued the innocuous avocation of a typewriter. The young wo man wriggled out of her trouble because she had winning ways and such a nice, sweet, candid face, but the three male let ter-burners wore quickly bestowed in plants where everything they will be permitted to handle for a long time to come is of a non-combustible character. The alienists say that all of this sort of thing is a direct result of "suggestion." A weak and criminally-inclined mind is ap pealed to by the crime, particularly the unique crime, of another of the same sort, and the experts bay that the predominant trait of the mind that has a natural ten dency to crime is imitativeness. They go far toward proving their case by their gen eralizations on the subject of suicide in this town. If one old. worn-out, starved man, minus home, family, friends, work, every thing. hangs himself to the transom of his garret room, the papers for days and week3 afterward are filled with accounts of old men, similarly situated, doing away with themselves in exactly the same way. They read or hear of the first case, and they promptly arrive at the conclusion that sus pension by the neck from a transom is about the only possible thing left for them. Suicide by Oas Fad. A deserted wife arrays herself in her wedding gown, stuffs up all the cracks In doors and windows, writes a pathetic note o?! farewell, turns on the gas, and lies down oti the bed In her poor finery to die. Then follow numerous other sad-hearted, desert ed wives, who deck themselves out in their faded nuptial garments and die in the same manner. A young woman takes carbolic acid in the presence of her sweetheart to "spite him." Other young women do the same thing for days and weeks afterward, i Whenever a man jumps off the Brooklyn bridge for the purpose of making away with himself, the bridge police are particularly on the alert for a long time afterward, for they have learned by experience that one case of this sort is inevitably followed by many similar attempts. So that there is perhaps a good deal In this "suggestion" Idea of these learned per sons called alienists. But there Isn't much room for doubt, either, that a good many of the crimes that fill the newspapers of New York are attributable to the craving for notoriety on the part of those commit ting them. It seems incredible that there should be so many individuals, men and women, willing to take chances on long terms of Imprisonment, if not, indeed, in the electric chair, for the foolish sake ol getting their pictures into the yellows, to gether with long, maudlin and more or less garbled accounts of their personalities: yet it has been proven time and again that the hankering for this sort of ephemeral notor iety has been the only discoverable insti gating motive for some of the most remark able crimes In the police annals of New York. Some of the suicides, even, betray their overmastering desire to be talked about In print by their careful method of sending their long explanatory statements, often accompanied by their photographs, to the press before they do their shuffling off. It's hard to perceive where or how the sui cides 'get any fun out of this mode of pro cedure, but that the dominating idea of some of them has been to project their personalities into the public vision is un questionable. Tendency to Crime in High Life. While on the subject of criminal ten dencies, if one were to mention today that subject to a certain ruined chef who now prowls lugubriously around New York, "broke" to the last soumarkee, he would probably tell you that, in his opinion, all Americans, men and women alike, are crim inals, and that those of position and wealth are probably considerably more cruel and hardened criminals than the members of the great unwashed. And. beyond the per adventure of a doubt, this same "busted" chef would have the mpst perfect justifica tion for giving expression to such a view. This erstwhile amiable and agreeable man was for many years the head chef of the Llederkranz Society, the famous Ger man organisation of New York. When bids were opened for the luncheon which the builders of Emperor William's yacht Meteor gave to the 2.000 Invited guests at the launching, this chef secured the con tract for the luncheon. He didn't have the necessary paraphernalia himself, not being In business on his own hook, and so he went to his German restaurateur friends and borrowed their silverware for the oc casion. They we$e perfectly willing to do the chef the tavor to help, him along, and never fearing tllat they wouldn't get their silver back intact, they didn't ask him for any security. German folk are pretty clan nish aad t&eyMtke *o do these little things up a mighty fine Tunch eon,arid everything connected therewith went off in great style. But when the guests ha.l departed and the chef and his assistants started In to clear away the debris ???' **>? luncheon, they were amaied to And that about nine-tenths ol the borrowed silver ware had totally disappeared from tfce table. The guests had simply gathers It all in as souvenirs of the occasion If the> had only stopped at the spoons R,vonJ'- '|u' chef wouldn't have been put In such a hoi, although that calamity would have h,,n enough for him and a sufficiently bad show ing for the guests at the luncheon. But thfv didn't stop at the spoons. 1 hey gob bled up tue knives and forks and ^"earn pitchers, and butter dishes, and bread and sandwich trays, and nut crackers, and ?ake Mi\-ers?every old thing on the table In J?ayof silverware?Just as souvenirs, von know of the launching of the empe ror's vacht. The table was l?0,cd e^'er>. bit as scientifically as if the Job haJ tlu,j't' bv Drofessional second-stor> worK?rs. was simply bald, brazen, perfectly inexcus X" "idling the I;?rt o< m-n men of the very highest social staiuung. and in "lifting" that silverware on an> pa text they showed themselves to be as un const lonable thieves as the t jark who work o' nights with Jimmies and dark lanterns. chef Was Bullied. Their wholesale theft of this borrowed silverware simply put the chcf out o business. It ruined him. He Is an hon orable man. and he felt that he had to make good to the friends who had let him have the use of their silverware for the luncheon. He had some money and prop erty. He sold the property, and then made an assignment for the benefit of his cred itors?his only creditors in the wor d b? ing those same friends who had let h m have their valuable silverware. He settl.d * 1th every last one of them, dollar for dollar for the value of their loaned silverware, al though none of them showed any inclina tion to push him. and when he g..t through making good for the thieving P^'PonsHl^ of some two thousand highly placed Amer lean men and women he didn't have a dime to bless himself with. And now. in mi,5,'h? life, after more than thirty years ofh.i i work and saving, he's got to begin life all over again If this Isn't a cruel and an outrageous case, then the writer hereof never heard of one. Ask any proprietor of a fine hotel In New York city What he thinks of the relative honesty of traveling he will laugh In your face and tell >ou \vltn out an instant's hesitation that th.relsno such a thing as honesty among travtlmfc, Americans. And he will go f;irlh'r J'1'*" that and tell you that the natural-born thieves among his guests are the women. It isn't a very exalted showing for the well to-do people who sojourn for various pe riods at the greatest hotel in New ^ orK. it not in the whole world, that this same hotel is compelled to count on thefts on tne part of Its guests every year amounting to no less a sum than *?>.<*???! The very rich est rooms in these hotels are the ones that are most frequently looted, and the hotel detectives say that the guests who can best afford to buy are the worst thieves around hotels. Take Anything Movable. They do not confine themselves to grab bing off the silverware, but they loot the bric-a-brac from the rich rooms. They'not only steal soap and towels labeled with the names of the hotels, but they have actually been known to cut "souvenir strips ' of silk from the walls, thus rendering necessary repairs involving hundreds of dollars. 1 ho steal fur rugs and rugs Vhat.a^n'^r, They walk off with expensive bed coverlets It is perfectly reasonable to suppose that they would steal the chandeliers could they but stuff them away in their trunks. Th thing has grown to be a real e\ il. iht \? r> swaggerest hotels and restaurants in N? w York are compelled to use less elabora table services than they would otherwise use for fear of the well-clad, comfortably fixed and supposltltlously respectable nu n and women with inborn thievish inclina tions. Some time ago the proprietor of one of the great hotels tried the scheme of presenting to each of his ft-maJe guests an exceedingly neat and tasty casting or his beautiful hostelry in metal. Each of these castings cost about $1.W. but the I'lca of the hotel man was that so clever a souvenir, be ing voluntarily given to the women guests, would assuredly prevent them from steal ing other articles of value around the hot< 1. and thus be a means of saving money for him in the long run. But the scheme didIn t work at all. The pilfering went right on fts before. This hotel man is a very sore in dividual over the losses he has been com pelled to pocket for years past due to tne furtive pilferings of the guest thieves, and a short time ago he came out boldlv In an announcement that any guest of his house caught in the act of stealing so much as a partly used cake of soap would be instantly handed over to the police, whether the thief happened to be the occupant of one of the small top-floor rooms or the holder ol a $?>0-a-day suite. ^ *-? AN ELECTRIC BATH. A Luxuary That Members of Congress May Now Enjoy. To be literally sprayed with electricity from head to foot, rolled with an electric roller, the wrinkles ironed out of face ana brow with an eleotrlc glass bulb as a flat iron, and to have the spark of life imparted to any particular section of the anatomy through a wooden ball is one of the luxuries whicn a senator or representative in con gress can enjoy by simply descending in the elevator to the magnificent marble bath rooms at either end of the Capitol, step ping on to a zinc plate and ordering Chief Electrical Engineer Gliem to "turn on his lightning." The eleotrlcal adjunct to the legislative baths is a comparatively recent addition, and as yet seemingly few members have Uarned of its wonderfully invigorating effect on a tired legislator. Those who have, however, are constant patrons, and the static machine Is creating for Itself an enviable reputation as a "next morning" antidote. And for putting a member into condition for a speech in the Senate or House it has no equal. The static machine creates Its own elec tricity right before your eyes. The machine In the House end stands in a small, marble walled room. It is driven by a quarter horse power motor, attached, and stands In a glass case. It consists of ten circular glass plates thirty Inches in diameter. These plates, which are placed a little distance apart, revolve on a single shaft thronga their center. On a line with the shaft rows of double metal combs, with the tips of their teeth close to the plates, gather the electricity as it is generated by the re volving glass. A positive and a negative pole extend out of the case. A platform, in sulated by being placed on glass legs, stands near by. On this platform Is the zinc plate on which the statesman stands Over his head is suspended a round brass crown which is connected to the positive pole by a slight brass rod. The different apparatus for administering the electricity are at hand on a board suspended on the wall. The "bath" generally proceeds in this or der: First, the "chain shower"?two round metal bars about eighteen Inches long are connected to the respective poles of the machine by a small brass chain. The elec trician holds a bar In each hand and hoK.s his hands about three feet apart. The chain connects the two by running loosely through a metal loop near the far end of the bars. When the current Is turned on the one operated on has a sensation as of a warm breeze blowing on him. ?.<e oath Is taken with all the clothing on, but the breeze seems to penetrate it as though there were no obstruction. The breeze soon changes to a warm, prickly sensation. The hair begins to crackle like a bunch of Cul nese firecrackers, and when the current Is suddenly allowed to descend from the brass crown also there seems to be a general conflagration In progress. However, there is nothing violent or unpleasant experi enced. After the shower and head sprays. If the statesman is in a bad way from the "night before," he takes a chair, and a glass bulb, not unlike an electric light bulb, but with the big end flat, is caressingly brought In contact with his face and brow. The current for this is obtained through a Tesla coll, and produces very little sensa tion. A polished metal resembling a small coupling pin Is the throat ironer, and a wooden ball, about as big as a base ball, as the terminus to a metal pole, acts as a mild distributor to any given locality, while a brass roller irons pains out of the bac<c or shoulders simply by rolling It along the clothing. It only takes a few minutes to take an electric bath, but the results obtained are said to be equaled only by a summer va cation. By the time the egg man has become reasonable in his charges, and the butter man Is again civil, there will be the ice man to reckon with again.?Hartford Tele gram.